BLARG!

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So... I'm angry. Those of you who know me, probably know I have anger issues. I joke about it and say I'm Irish (which I am) and that I've got the stereotypical temper (which I do). I have a hard time getting past anger. I don't forgive easily. I hold grudges. Maybe I'm being petty. I don't know, and I just don't care.

This is why I'm leaving BCTS. For how long? I don't know. Maybe for good, maybe not.

I can't talk to my friends here about why. They don't want to hear it. Mainly because the person I'm having problems with is close to them. Also, I don't like to put them in the middle. But as I'm leaving, what the hell. I need to say this. For catharsis, for closure, maybe just so at least one person actually hears my side of this.

Six months ago, in a thread about writing, I made a pithy comment using a quote from a well-known successful author. My mistake, it turns out. Lo and behold, there came along a person who because of her own personal problems (as admitted to me in a PM), felt she needed to Police my pithy comment, and warn everyone about what it "really" meant.

I came un-fucking-glued. To this day, I don't know why it had the effect on me that it did, but it was like that moment in the Road Runner/Coyote cartoons where Wile E. Coyote lights the fuse on the bomb and it burns through in less than a second and BOOM!

What didn't help is that from this same person I got a condescending PM telling me how I need to open up to other people's point of view. Something she didn't seem to care about when deciding to police my pithy comment in the first place. No apology, no retraction of her comment, just condescension.

I'll be honest. Typing this, thinking about the whole thing again, makes me so angry I want to scream! If I could do the Vader thing and reach through the screen and Force-choke her, I would in a heartbeat! The little voice in the back of my head keeps telling me that I should be ashamed of myself for that. Maybe I should. I probably would be if I could get past the anger.

And that's what has pushed me to this point. Every time I go to post a comment, I'm scared that I'll get another moronic policing of my words. I used to hang out in BCTS Chat, now she's there with my friends and I'm... Not feeling welcome anymore. And I see her name and I just get so angry...

So that's why my comments as of late have mostly been pissy. That's why I haven't posted a story since November.

I love this site. There's nothing else like it. I feel like I just don't have a place here anymore. My health, both physical and mental isn't in good shape, and the stress of coming here doesn't help either.

Erin, if you would, please unpub my stories and author page. I doubt this will stay up long, but I hope someone reads it. It would be nice to know I was heard this one time.

Comments

I don't see why

Patricia Marie Allen's picture

I can understand your anger and your desire to not visit the page anymore, but I don't see why you want to unpub your stories? There are many more of us here than the one you have a problem with and we've enjoyed your stories.

Why punish us because of the callous actions of one person?

Hugs
Patricia

Happiness is being all dressed up and HAVING some place to go.
Semper in femineo gerunt

Oh noes.....

Who said I don't want to hear from you? I always have an open ear regardless of who I associate with. If you feel that I didn't grasp the nature of your communication, please let me know. I have zero problems with being in the middle. I'm used to it. This isn't the first time I've been friends or associates with two or more parties, contentious with each other. I'm sure it won't be the last time either.

I understand how anxiety can affect a person having been at the mercy of it for most of my life up until the last two years. I detest anxiety. I dislike it that you're leaving. I'm not a fan of situations where two people I'm friends with are contentious with each other. I don't want you to go Erica but I know you are your own person and I can't make you do anything, and it's the same with the other person.

I have your email so I'll keep in touch. I enjoy your stories so please continue your work even if it's elsewhere. I'm thankful for the help you've given me with my writing and gaming.

(•_•)

Internet High Fives All Around
Stardraigh

( •_•)>⌐■-■

My Deviantart

(⌐■_■)

I have said this before here.

Hypatia Littlewings's picture

Just about everything anyone says will be objected to by somebody.

You need to look toward the positive comments and ignore the negative ones. I know that can be hard but you need to tell your self that the positive ones out weigh the negative ones. Let their problems be their problems not yours. If every ones stopped saying anything someone would dislike no one would say anything, and there would be no stories to read.

It is your choice but I would say Do Not Unpublish.

>i<

Erica, you've been heard.

I don't know the circumstances nor the person at whom you are angry, but I can understand your feelings about it.

You will do what you must do to deal with this situation, and I won't try to talk you out of anything. I only hope you'll let us help if we can. No, we don't know one another and we've never communicated before, but you are a sister and I feel my sisters hurts. Please don't withdraw completely, okay?

There are some jerks here, there's no denying that, but there are many, many more good folks, who can and will help if you let them.

Catherine Linda Michel

As a T-woman, I do have a Y chromosome... it's just in cursive, pink script. Y_0.jpg

Sad....

Andrea Lena's picture

It's disappointing to learn of your decision to umpublish and leave. But more frustrating and sad to learn that you're hurt and disappointed over something someone communicated to you. I'm very sorry that you've been hurt. I do hope you stay.

  

To be alive is to be vulnerable. Madeleine L'Engle
Love, Andrea Lena

I once had someone write a PM ...

... that said, with neither salutation nor signature, "People like you are why I quit commenting before. Thank you for reminding me why I shouldn't." She then blocked me before having a chance to have an adult conversation about it.

I wonder what effect that statement would have had had YOU been the recipient? Would you have been able to tolerate it?

Such discourtesy does exist here, but it hasn't made me 'up sticks'.
Do you think I should?

Julia

One has to do what one has to

Daphne Xu's picture

One has to do what one has to do. At one point in my life, I decided to make a clean break (well, almost -- I had to clean up loose ends) from a certain university and move a long ways away, after too many unpleasant confrontations and other unpleasantness there. One thing I also discovered, a good part of my buzzing, antsy feeling caused by the unpleasantness was chemistry gone off, and certain medicine helped considerably.

Another thing that helps, if one isn't too mentally paralyzed (or running in loops) to do it: action. Doing something about the problem. Overall, I think given a choice between action and medicine, I'd prefer action. But too much anxiety and fear paralyzes action.

-- Daphne Xu

So sorry you feel you must leave

But that is your right and your decision to make.

I will miss you.

Both your works and your commentary.

John in Wauwatosa

John in Wauwatosa

When people start a

When people start a conversation to only leave it one sided, then there is no real conversation, only bitterness and discord.

We are all responsible for our own actions and decisions in some way, be them right or wrong. Hopefully you will reconsider yours. In either case I wish you well.

"Erin, if you would, please

"Erin, if you would, please unpub my stories and author page."

I've never understood why any author would want to do this, except to publish elsewhere.

Your choice

I'm pretty much in the same place as you. One person in particular has singled me out for vicious comments, no matter what I do. She has even trashed me for making complimentary comments on another author's story. In January of 2014 I had all my stories pulled from BC due to this. Nobody has even noticed, so I guess its just as well.

I was thinking I might return a couple of months ago, but the minute I stuck my head up she came in with guns blazing. So that idea has been scrapped. I have written a soppy Xmas story, but to post it would require reposting my previous material and adding another story chapter to help set the stage. That's not going to happen now.

So I'm very much knowledgeable about where you are coming from, and it wouldn't surprise me if you did unpub your work. Just have Erin do it, that way they are easier to repost if you change your mind. I'm in the angry mindset myself, and I can't afford the medications that might help. So I do understand what's driving you. I do hope you get to feeling better, decisions made in anger are seldom the best decision to make.

So now I will log off for another unknown period of time. Maybe the next time I'm here you'll be back. In the meantime, I concede the victory to my bully. You've won, I hope that makes you feel better.


"Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away.”
George Carlin

Disappointment....

Andrea Lena's picture

Mine because both of you have been made to feel unwelcome by someone; treatment neither of you deserve. I'm so sorry.

  

To be alive is to be vulnerable. Madeleine L'Engle
Love, Andrea Lena

I very nearly went a few weeks ago

Angharad's picture

when my paranoia meant I no longer felt welcome. I wouldn't, however, remove my stuff which is a larger body of work than anyone else'. We all have detractors, sometimes deservedly and other times not - but in the heat of the moment - rationale goes out the window and emotion takes over.

We can't be liked by everyone, nor expect it, nor will we like everyone, however enlightened we try to be. I have a 'nemesis' on this site who looks to put me down at every opportunity, but does it while appearing to be ever so reasonable. Sometimes I set myself up, I have strong opinions which I express. Sometimes they deserve knocking, sometimes not. My bête noir and I come from opposite ends of the gender spectrum, I'm a long term post op female, they're not and I don't believe they wish to be, which is fine, but any mention I make of cross dressers tends to be pounced upon if it's anything but positive.

I know that nasty people come in all shapes, types, genders and nationalities; my writing tries to reflect that. I also experiment with types of story, sometimes it doesn't always come off. Sometimes my comments also misfire, which is the reason I have a watcher who looks to attack me. I once made a comment on a story because it included two things, sex between underage protagonists and smoking by one or both of them, that I felt shouldn't be encouraged. I was PMed about my comment, thought again about it and withdrew the comment, though my thoughts about it hadn't changed, I disapprove of both things. I learned from it as well, my opponent however still feels a need to 'correct' me whenever they disagree. So far I haven't left the site, so if that's their objective, it's failed. I'm told that my writing is why one or two visit this place and I'd hate to take that from them.

It might be the case with you as well, Erica Jane, so try not to rise to the bait and take your bat and ball home, because that way they win. Stay and be a thorn in their side, like I do, just be careful what you say, if you say it with enough disguised reasonableness, you can get away with saying most things, my bête noir has.

Angharad

Your Nemesis

I suppose you mean me as your "nemesis".

I haven't commented on anything you've said or done in months, let alone weeks. If you've felt a need to leave in the last few weeks I don't see a connection.

If I seem reasonable when I "put you down" perhaps that means my comments are "reasonable". Perhaps they aren't. Reasonable is in the eye of the beholder. I don't mean to "put you down." I'm sorry if you take it that way. I can vividly remember one time when you called me out for putting you down and I hadn't so maybe some of that is your imagination.

I'm not sure what bete noir means in the UK, but in the United States bete noire means someone you detest. Coupled with your use of the term "nasty" in the next sentence, I have to think it wasn't a compliment or friendly.

You said, "any mention I make of cross dressers tends to be pounced upon if it's anything but positive." If a remark is anything but positive, it is negative. It I were to make negative remarks about post op females I would expect to be "pounced on" and would deserve it. And, since when are cross-dressers at the opposite end of the gender spectrum from transsexuals. I feel that I'm just as much a woman as you. How I feel is the determinant, isn't it?

Okay . . . a LOT of people come to this site to read your stories. Your opinion matters. When you express a negative opinion about people like me it is hurtful and MATTERS.

Angharad . . . people I respect say you're a very nice person. It surprises me when I'm called detestable and nasty by you. Like you, I am opinionated. That is what makes our writing interesting.

You've done a lot in the way of generating traffic for this site. That is a great accomplishment and I appreciate it. I've also done a tremendous amount for this site. This site would be far less without either of us. I'm not competing with you or anyone else. You do your thing and I do mine. I have NO interest in writing a serial. When I speak about serials not being my favorite that is in no way directed at you. I've been on this site for years before you came here and I've consistently advocated for more standalone stories.

If you don't want me commenting on what you say try not to demean cross-dressers. I reserve the right to bristle everytime you make a less than positive remark about cross-dressers.

Erica . . . I'm sorry you felt hurt. I pulled all my stories for a period of time and quit writing over what someone said over a decade ago. Sometimes people don't even realize what they're saying is hurtful. The stories I've read of yours were interesting and quite worthwhile as I'm sure you are.

Anger is a tough thing. I wish we could all control our anger, but to not have some anger is to be less than human. Passion is important.

Angela Rasch (Jill M I)

Rule 3

EOM


I went outside once. The graphics weren' that great.