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I am not sure honesty is always the best policy. Last night at the end of our third date I told the guy that I am Trans, this I did to be HONEST and not have him felt lead on about me. He promptly got up said he HAD feelings for me until I came clean now our date for New Years is off and so are his feelings as well. He was honest I guess as I was told that if he had known about me from the get go he would never have asked a freak like me out to start with. I have never lied about my situation to any man, I do wait for a couple dates before I do tell them as I want to see how things go, maybe that is wrong just maybe I need to tell them before they even ask or wear a sign about it around my neck. Here in Texas that is not always healthy to do. Feedback as to if you think i am wrong about waiting or not. I won't judge the feedback just take it under advisement.
Thank you
Charlotte
Comments
He's a bigoted jackass
And you aren't a freak. He didn't stop having feelings for you the second he found out you're trans. He has them still. He's just chosen to deny them because he can't live with his own prejudice. It's pitiable.
I wouldn't let the trans thing out of the bag on the first date, I think you're getting that right. It's a careful calculation, because there's always a chance the situation could turn violent. Come out too quickly and they might never get a chance to develop the feelings that would make them stay. Tell them too late and perhaps get your jaw broken.
Or just give up and move the San Francisco.
post-op
I have been post-op for 25 years and only tell people when I care about them deeply. Thank you for the feedback and the reinforcement that I am not crazy for doing things my way. Sorry I forgot about telling everyone I am post-op but I wrote in a moment of anger.
Charlotte
opinor ergo sum
Charlotte Van Goethem
Sorry for your breakup.
But also glad you escaped violence.
He’s not the one. Keep looking, when you’re ready again.
Here's the ugly truth.
The ugly truth is that no matter how accepting society is, no matter what laws may be passed to protect us, no matter how enlightened a person may be, when it come to personal, intimate relationships, even if it's only emotionally intimate, there will always be those who can't bring themselves to emotionally accept what their intellect tells them about being accepting.
It's like the sixties during the equal rights movement. See "Guess Who's Coming to Dinner" Intellectually, it's all good, until it becomes personal. Then, when the rubber meets the road there's an internal struggle which many people will lose, falling on the emotional knee-jerk of "It's OK for you, just keep it away from me and mine."
Hugs
Patricia
Happiness is being all dressed up and HAVING some place to go.
Semper in femineo gerunt
If you never see him again
Then good riddance, you don't need or want the bigotry in your life.
Although do your best to strive to be the person you wish others were. While his attitude does cause you pain, taking the same attitude towards him only reinforces his. And this goes for everything in life, accept it when someone has an opinion that is contrary to your own and attempt to understand their viewpoint. By doing so you may find a way of bringing them over to your point of view.
I believe it was Sun Tsu who wrote, "The easiest way to vanquish an enemy is to make him your ally"
We the willing, led by the unsure. Have been doing so much with so little for so long,
We are now qualified to do anything with nothing.
It's possible he was looking ahead
Everybody is jumping upon the 'trans-hating' bandwagon but I'd like to consider the whole thing from his point of view.
He sees a woman, he is attracted to her, and sufficiently so that the dates continue. That suggests to me that, in time, he would be definitely thinking of marriage - and children.
Now marriage is fine, but most men want children of their own. You can't give him that, not directly. As far as he's concerned, you've been wasting his time and money, which is probably why he blew up. Even if he didn't actually mention children, they'll be in the back of his mind as a major reason for continuing a relationship.
Perhaps the best bet for you would be, as others have said above, not to tell them you are trans on a first date. To me, that sounds distinctly dangerous. You could, however, tell him during the course of the evening that you cannot have children. That lets him make the decision whether it is just a good relationship he wants with you or whether there is more driving him.
Penny
Thank you
thank you for the kind advice. I am 55 and even if genetic woman beyond child bearing. As to telling him about no kids that was done on date number one. have been post-op 25 years. He was honest about having two kids already (both grown ) that are out of the home. he is 58 and in no hurry or inclination to have more , thank god. I do hope he was not thinking marriage on date number three. I have always waited until the third or fourth date to tell them so they can know the real me.
Thank you also for nor just jumping on the trans hater band wagon. I admit that it may sound like i did in my post now that I read it again but I was acting out of anger do to his instantly calling me a FREAK. If he felt I stole some of his masculinity I am sorry for that but I even offered Dutch treat, aka i am Dutch my treat. I even apologized if he felt I wasted his time, not good enough,. His get the F**K away from me and don't touch me attitude was very scary until he left my home. Lucky for me I have neighbors that know about me and keep an ear out for the abnormal.
Thank you again
Charlotte
opinor ergo sum
Charlotte Van Goethem
Near impossible
to keep such a thing secret forever, and not have it eating at you too. That's my opinion.
"Reach for the sun."
Honesty is always a worst policy.
Third date? Too early to tell a person if you believe in Jesus.
To discuss what you think about "believe" thing - a matter of about 53Rd date. (I jump a gun too often, so I am single...)
To discuss intimate things at our age... is there an actual reason? (And yes, I am a bit younger...)
Another thing... Pardon my French. In my experience, from male side of the process, every vagina feels different. Not that I had too much of experience, but even position and degree of partner's inebriation makes a difference. So there is no actual way for typical male to know the difference. And if they know the difference - they have no reason to complain.
And let me remind you an old, but still true, joke: sex is not a reason to become aquinted.
PS: When person is always telling truth and only truth - it is considered a mental illness. To lie a little bit to smooth things over - is normal and is human. Children should learn it at about 4 to 5 years old. And should learn to not being caught by 7 to 8.
...
Look, I don't know what decade you're living in, but here; yeah sex is a reason to get acquainted. And a 50+ you aren't there for kids or marriage, you're just trying to see if this is a person interesting enough that you can have a conversation after you fuck.
And lying about who you are to a person, just because you want them in your bed for a night is a -20 move. I'm too old for that, and I'm in my 30s. She shouldn't have to lie to herself and someone else just to keep them around. If that guy couldn't handle a trans girlfriend he wasn't worth keeping around. Lying to him about it wouldn't have changed that.
Sorry, but where exactly in my comment...
I said anything about lying? (correction: not countind the portion about that _always_ telling truth, whole truth and nothing but truth is an actual mental illness).
Last time I checked it was 2018 around me. Not sure about you, you could be stuck in 2017 for couple more hours...
And. Once again. Third date is too early to discuss religions. And talking about that it is quite normal to have gender spectrum... Certainly not for the first 20-30 dates. That you are not on the "traditional" part of that spectrum - is some more dates away. Me? I destroyed my chances of being a parent by "doing the right thing" and confessing about my crossdressing too early. (And it was second year of regular dating...)
Honesty has broken up more relationships than it's bonded
"Yes darling. I really love you but I do fancy xx slightly more."
"You've had your hair done. It looks dreadful."
"You look terrible in that dress."
"Yes, you look your age."
Good relationships are made by not being open and honest about everything. My advice would be avoid lying, if possible, and keep your transgender secrets for as long as it's physically possible. Mine have remained a secret through decades of a single relationship, hopefully forever.