Author:
I've had a few days to cool down from an outburst that should never have happened. It wasn't justified in the least, because while I might have my personal opinions about BCTS, it ultimately comes down to the fact that it's well run, has great staff, and I couldn't do it myself without expending a lot of money. I started this new account because I believed I had outgrown 'Audrissa', I thought that I was better, and I believed that I could write a story without it consuming my emotions and sending me into a downward spiral. It turns out I can't, and it also turns out that I'm still the same person who wrote Allison's Pledge, The Interview, and Woodcrest. In all things, I will always be the problem. That being said I'd like to apologize to Erin and everyone else I insulted. I would also request that my work be removed because honestly, I don't deserve to be here regardless of how good my writing is. So, Erin, I'm sorry, I wish I were better. Goodbye everyone.
Comments
Please
Look, none of us always have our head on straight. There are times that everyone gets a little off in our thinking and emotions. OK, so you got upset and had a little tantrum. Erin is pretty much a benevolent dictator here in the Big Closet. If she shared your opinion that you don't deserve to be here, you'd be gone. Simple as that.
I'll remind you that Erin has rules for this site. Rule number two is Give Everyone the Benefit of the Doubt. The rules aren't just for the users. She follows them herself. So I'm sure that she's given you the benefit of the doubt.
You've got 392 reads on the latest chapter of "The Mockreet". This far into a multipart story, that reader count is great. And you have 75 kudos again, not bad for a single chapter.
Please reconsider keeping on. Nearly 400 of us are invested in finding out what going to finally become of Lyra.
Hugs
Patricia
Happiness is being all dressed up and HAVING some place to go.
Semper in femineo gerunt
You are NOT "the problem"
You ARE NOT "the problem", though you HAVE "a problem"!
Your statement
is very derogatory, devastating and condemnatory!
Please realize that I am talking about your statement and not about you as a person. There is a big difference between a person as an individual and that persons actions or attitudes.
Saying that a person "is a problem", or worse "is the problem", basically condemns that person as being beyond help and to be discarded into the landfill or the incinerator (not even worth recycling).
On the other hand, saying that a person "has a problem" acknowledges that there does indeed exist a problem, but that the problem can be overcome with help. Or that the person can be recycled, to keep with the garbage analogy.
Please, try to complete the paradigm shift towards acknowledging that you have a problem, and let go of the self-condemnation as the problem!
Your self-awareness of your attitude and actions, as well as the [most likely] triggering cause of said attitudes and actions, is a huge HUGE HUGE point in your favor. Because, once we are aware of an issue, we can start looking for the triggering cause (and maybe even the root cause). And then we can start to look for and develop (or train) ways to mitigate the issue, ways to avoid or minimize the triggers, or ways to work around the cause and effect at hand.
The fact that you recognized the issue you had, as well as the cause for this issue, you owned up to having this issue and its cause, and you apologized for the effects you caused due to the issue you had, speaks very highly for you. And it shows that even though you HAVE a problem, you most definitely ARE NOT and WILL NOT BE the problem!!
You need to quit writing
if that is what is causing your stress. If, as I suspect, the writing is giving you relief from the other stresses in your life you have to continue, so you might as well post the stories. As someone with anger issues on occasion I have a couple of suggestions for keeping those stresses from affecting your presence on big closet. One I've used was writing a scathing, mostly obscene, memo (On my home computer. I'm not a total idiot.) to my employer. After I had deleted it and deleted it from the deleted file I was ready to be polite. I still used the other method too if possible which is to sit on anything written in anger for at least a day.
Without wanting to sound derogatory……
You are wallowing in self-pity. I recognize it well - I have done it myself in the past.
It is easy to blame yourself for everything, especially when you can’t be the person you really are. Especially when you don’t like yourself - perhaps even hate yourself.
Yeah, I’ve been there. And if it weren’t for a few very good friends who I met here I would have sunken deeper and deeper into that dark hole.
But the truth is that you are a very, very good author. And personally I believe that you are a good person. I believe in you - even if you don’t.
None of us are perfect; it is those imperfections that make us who we are. That make us different. Perfect people are boring! You are definitely not boring, lol.
So stop with the pity party, get up, and be the person we all know you can be. You owe it to yourself, and we will always be here to help you up when you fall.
D. Eden
Dum Vivimus, Vivamus