Not every mother goes all agog when her darling little boy comes up to her and says, “Mommy, I want to be a girl.” I imagine that happens more often in stories here on TS/BC than in real life.
When I made it known I was TG and was beginning transition I was disowned by a father who’s favorite saying was ‘Blood is thicker than water.’ I guess I failed to heed the caveat to that which states, ‘so long as you live according to my standards.’
There are consequences for every action we take in our lives. Anyone who opts to board the Genderland Express must be prepared to pay the price for doing so. They must be ready to deal with the partial or total loss of loved ones, social acceptance and financial security. While those consequences do not always go hand in hand with transition, don’t act surprised if you do encounter them. Society and its views on those of us who are transgender are changing. Believe me, I have lived long enough the see the difference. But we have yet to reach Nirvana, that mythical place where everyone loves everyone else and no one looks down upon another. (Ugly Fact of Life Number 2; Nirvana is a mythical place populated by demi-gods. The world we live in is populated by human beings. Well, at least the world I live in is).
You can moan and groan, bewailing your miserable lot on life for as long as you see fit to live it, or you can check reality at the door and book an imaginary flight to your own very private Fantasy Island. There is an alternative to gnashing your teeth and rending you clothes. You can do what many of us have done and do everyday. You pick yourself up off the floor and do something positive, like live your life as you see fit and, from time to time, have a little fun.
I, myself, have done what others before me have. Rather than mouthing empty, sympathetic mutters of how sorry I am someone else is going through what I have had to endure or rendering virtual hugs that are as meaningless as the words used to convey them, I help others navigate their way through the difficulties they face as they travel the rocky road of transition when I can. It’s more than being a spirit guide or cheerleader. You need to be ready to be there in good times and bad, providing sound advice when called for, holding hands when needed and, on occasion, letting the person you’re helping know in no uncertain terms they’re behaving like an idiot. Draw upon your own experiences and help those who are in need. By doing so, you will give meaning to your life, which if I am correct, happens to be the only one you’re authorized.
As to having fun, well, here’s a little story. Being the sick puppy I am, when my last parent died and the time came for me and my two sisters to listen to the lawyer read my father’s last will, I sat off to one side and said nothing. In the will my father had made a point of stating that I was entitled to nothing. He of course justified it by claiming I’d been given everything I was entitled to during my life and therefore had no need of anything else. (Pause here while I bend over and pretend to sneeze while muttering BULL SHITE!).
The lawyer seemed to be nervous about the way I was behaving, sitting there quietly with a half smile on my face. At one point he stopped, looked over at me and asked if I had any questions or comments. I stifled my laugh and instead, smiled and said, “Oh, don’t mind me. I’m the redheaded bastard at this picnic.” Needless to say he was not amused but did press on, doing his best to ignore me.
In the end, being ignored is not a bad thing, for it allows me to get on with my life, my life, not one predetermined by society or someone else. And if along the way I have the opportunity to help someone who is struggling to make their own way forward, I’ll be happy to help. But beware, I’m like that sergeant in the movie, ‘March or Die.’ Just ask Persephone.
Nancy Cole
a.k.a. HW Coyle
