I look in the mirror and I see… me.
The me that always was
The me that should have been
The me that has struggled so long and so hard to simply be.
For so long, I looked and I saw him
The him I tried to be
The him I could never be
The him that was ever destined to simply be a role.
Are we not all players on a celestial stage, seeking our roles?
Few find them.
And yet I… I have been privileged
To know myself
To know who and what I am
To realize that I am an actor
And to know that the role is over.
To know that I can no longer be a caterpillar
Somehow
The shadows fall across my cheekbones
Carve light into the hollows under my chin
Slash my thighs into sharp relief
Hone my longing
Breathless
A gentle stroke of a fingernail up the inside of my thigh
I wish I could just let myself go