why would I apologize for crying ?

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So among my nightmares and flashbacks over the last couple of days, I had a dream where I was sitting with a woman, and for whatever reason my abuse came up, and I started crying.

But as I started crying I also began to apologise for losing it like that.

Now this was just a dream, but the fact is I usually apologise if I start crying, regardless of the cause of my tears.

I am not exactly sure why, it might be the "boys don't cry" thing, but something tells me its something deeper.

I might have to do a deep dive into my memories to find out, which scares me.

but I am not sure not knowing is helpful either . . .

Comments

Just an Opinion.

It's just an uneducated guess but is it possible that you blame yourself for the abuse you suffered.

Jill

Angela Rasch (Jill M I)

You already answered your own question

Those of us abused, often get into a rhythm, of being broken & subservient. Apologizing even & especially when its not our fault. This is 100% one of the most common traits of abuse. Crying, itself with the feeling of either gaslighting it with the 'i have something in my eye, allergies etc" that many males, tend to do & often taught since early childhood. Apologizing, for crying, or in otherwords showing an upsettable emotion, often stems from the protective angle, as many of us often got beaten into even emotional submission & or eradication.

Its well known as women, in domestically abusive relationships, often find ourselves as I mentioned being beaten or emotionally broken from the outbursts of their partner. Its not uncommon for men, particularily to get upset when a female is crying, either trying to stop it through some submission themselves or aggressive dominance... if not even neglect or temporary & even perminant abandonment. Put both of us being in I hate to admit the truth of the stereotype, but we as canadians are honestly known for being chronic apologizers. So please Dorothy, don't feel poorly about this, dream or not it matters not.

What matters is how your dealing, are you alright now?

Have you schedualed any apointments with your therapist?

Also dear, try to remember, you are a girl, a woman & female where it most matters, with the hormones on top of that, you will be free'er with your emotions, theres nothing to be ashamed of.

Even guys can cry... some may be unattrative at it, but others have been known to be hearthrobes for it, like michael landon, whom especially in drama's like little house on the prairie & think its called stairway/highway to heaven, where he often brought out the tears, they became a staple & was rare, for an episode to pass without tears.

Amelia Rosewood Year two.png

With Love and Light, and Smiles so Bright!

Erin Amelia Fletcher

Go ahead and cry!

Andrea Lena's picture

I believe Angela correctly identified one of the many persistent issues those of us who are survivors face. I'm sixty-one years past the LAST episode of sexual victimization, and I STILL am beset with feelings of guilt and shame. And that after nearly fifteen years of effective therapy. I still have the occasional flareup of PTSD symptoms, including the dreams/nightmares, My response upon waking is to cry unashamedly for being hurt. I was a child.

Dottie? In so many ways WE still function occasionally at the emotional age of our child self. That's unavoidable. It is perfectly normal for a sexual abuse survivor to cry at the thought of the abuse, because the brain functions as if the abuse is happening again.

For everyone's benefit.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3182008/#:~:tex....

The LAST communication I had with my late sister who endured the same abuse? She told one of her friends to make sure that it wasn't our fault; it wasn't MY fault we were abused. YOU are not responsible for the harm you bore.

  

To be alive is to be vulnerable. Madeleine L'Engle
Love, Andrea Lena

What everybody else said ...

much better (and with far more knowledge than I want). Makes me just want to shut up and 'keep on scrolling'.

A stereotype is that women express/relieve emotions by crying, and men use violence ...

Me? The 'happy sniffles' (and some sad) that BCTS has given me over the years is assuredly in the ten thousands range ... Nope, won't apologize {smile}. Thank y'all, yes.

When coming from a healthy place (not forced by abusiveness mentioned by others), apologizing is just fine.

One time I had a brief medical-procedure-you-don't wanna-know-about, and gave the nurse a really loud 'F-Bomb'. I promptly apologized to the nurse. She told me "No problem. I've heard worse."

Healthy apologizing, or saying "I'm sorry" - even when it's not our 'fault' - is a kind of 'social lubricant'. It cuts down on us 'grinding' on each other.

If we encounter someone who >can't< (or always refuses to) cry, maybe we should be terrified.