I've been out to my wife, kids and grandkids for a few years now, but my wife's extended family didn't know about my real self - until today. We went to my mother-in-law's for Thanksgiving, as she will probably not be around any more next year. It will be a blessing; she has dementia and is getting very near 100 years old. After talking with my niece, who lives with her and has known about me for a couple of years now, we felt that it would be OK to be me. With my wife's blessing, I went there as myself.

This post is more to give myself some closure before I move on to other avenues.

I want to publicly acknowledge that I am no saint, I burned my bridges one by one over the years.

Some things that happened that essentially made me public enemy #1 on BCTS I’ve never forgiven myself for being involved with.

well i blame Bert coming to visit!

make it up!

Since folks were asking about DarkKitten and me, I figured it was finally time that I broke my silence. I ask, as you read this, that you please bear in mind rule one. I firmly believe people are innocent until proven guilty, but, I also can't ignore the evidence, so, here goes.

many years ago, a man named Alvin Toffler wrote a book where he argued that the rate of technological change was going so fast, people could no longer adapt, and were suffering a form of culture shock, or as he put it Future Shock.

Since the book came out, the rate of technological change has only increased, and the effects have only gotten worse.

I believe this is one reason for the increase in popularity of movements that wish to slow, stop, or even reverse some of those changes.

so, I found out something interesting yesterday. I had spent a good part of the day walking, and to my delight my joints were not bothering me despite the cooling temperatures.

I assumed it was because of the weight I had lost, but last night, as my manic phase eased, the pain came back.

It makes sense, my manic phase is a lot like being drunk or being high, both known for blocking pain, I had just never made the connection before.

So, I think I set some kind of record today.

I managed to be both hyper and depressed at once.

I was pretty sure that wasn't possible, but I guess I underestimated my brain's ability to be terrible to itself.

Ah, well, just another adventure.

Okay, so last night I dreamed I was back in school, and we were going to be taught ballroom dancing.

But when it came time to partner up, I was left without one, and I got so angry at the realization I was never going to be anybody's choice, I yelled at the teacher, and then took a table that was bolted to the floor, ripped it out, and threw it, Hulk style.

Still accepting all hugs, prayers, and comments of support.

yep, its finally here, the last chapter of my Dad's life.

I just spent over an hour with internet problems at 3:00 AM PST.

Anyone else?

Was it the Russians? Was it the Chinese? Was it someone else?

?????

Ahabidah

so, two things happened to me last night. the first was I had a dream where I was trying to get back to my apartment, and somehow kept ending up on the wrong floor.

Second was I woke up, my clock said it was 8, and for a second, I couldn't figure out if it was 8 AM or PM.

It could be worse, but a little confusion isnt a fun way to start the day.

Things are getting worse here in Alberta.

The provincial government apparently announced that it will no longer cover SRS.

Now, this won't affect me directly, as my health isnt good enough for the surgery, but I feel for any Albertans who were hoping to get it.

But that's not the worst of it. The ruling party is having a convention right now, and one of the ideas being debated is bringing in a bathroom bill, basically banning someone like me from the using the lady's room.

So as the headline reads, we are still homeless and living in a 1 room hotel. For those that need a reminder, we prevailed in Family Court a few months back. The judge ruled that our beautiful child should remain in the custody and care of his Mothers.

Now for the latest update. My wife and I just accepted Pre Trial Intervention on a 4th degree (instead of 2nd degree) charge. I’m not going to put the details here but at the end of our probation we will be able to have all the records expunged.

but not quite!

And other crap

A thing happened today. After screwing, glueing, nailing my courage to the sticking place, and procrastinating like a pro, I came out to my wife of 40 years. She took it well. We still love each other, and she declared my feminine side irrelevant to our relationship, though she reserved the right to take the piss at any of my antics.
Hands still shaking.

Love to all.

Today one of the “Random Solo” recommendations was Touch Starved by Bailey Summers (her main story content page is here). We would all do well read this powerful, raw and painful story. Despite the “Adult Oriented” rating this story is absolutely NOT erotica, graphic sex or porn, but just pure emotional pain and desperation, that fortunately ends in a glimmer of hope.

Where does the time go?

I was perusing some older stories this evening - as I often do. A comment by another reader at the end of a current story got me started looking at an older story I had not seen before, which in turn led me to going through an author’s previous works. As a coincidence, it was an author whose work I had read quite a lot of before, but I decided to go through some of her solo work I had not previously read. I tend to be attracted more to multi-part stories or serials rather than solo stories, and as such I had ignored her solo works for the most part, much to my loss.

I guess its to be expected, it is October after all!