November - Sandal's?

Just a quickie - well I got my ride in, 115km (that's @ 75 old fashioned miles I think) and visited the Sandal's up near Wakefield. Had my sandwich and flask of coffee sat overlooking the Castle which, after the 'good ole boys' (aka the Parliamentarians, think Trump but with a more vindictive nature) got done with it in the 1640's is but a shadow of its former self.


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I'm sick today, apparently the victim of a bad breakfast bar yesterday. This feels like it is going to be a 12-36 hour thing, so I expect to be okay tomorrow evening.

Today is when I meant to send out checks to the DP authors; I may be a day or so late since concentration while throwing up and running for the toilet is difficult.

So sorry. I will try again in an hour or so.


"Can we have your liver then?"

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The quote is of course, courtesy Monty Python, and fortunately, I'm luckier than the fellow in the sketch. See, I dodged a bullet in terms of my liver. CT scan showed the same level of fatty tissue as before, so for now, its exercise, diet, and keep an eye on things. Also good news, despite the pain I have been feeling in my hip the last while, no signs of further arthritic damage, so my doctor said its most likely a pulled muscle or strained tendon, and again, losing weight would be the best thing I can do for it.

How can I help?

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It is safe to say that without Big Closet. "Dorothy" would not exist. In fact its debatable whether I would even be alive now had I not found this site. Which is why the constant struggles to keep the site financially afloat has me worried, and more than a little frustrated.

See, I am on disability, and once I take care of my rent, car, and food, I might have maybe 20 bucks a month left over, and that's on a good month. Not to mention my mom is covering for me in terms of giving money to my ex and my daughter and that's far from fair.

it feels like I am apologizing a lot lately

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While it feels like I've had to apologize pretty often in this space, I feel like I owe something to the people who have faithfully read my stories, and apologize for the fact that it might be a while before I have anything for you all.

Serious lack of spoons lately, with a lot of things on my plate that I havent been handling as well as i would like. But dont give up on me yet, I'm gonna get through this - I hope ...

Wendy's Challenge

BCTS needs our support, Personally I am leaning hard on this site to keep me the living side of sane, even though I can't really afford it I am sending my usual $10 via Paypal. I feel people are taking Big Closet for granted, I don't. I dread the day I click my bookmark and get a site not found message. If that ever happens Big Closet will likely be gone for good, I don't think anyone will step up to replace it.

some good news about Sam's future.

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Okay so I got some good news about Sam's future.

Apparently there is a program offered at NAIT that will allow her to take cooking arts there even if she doesnt have a GED. Not only that, it is specifically set up for people with mental disabilities like Sam, and they will also help her find a job in the field when she's done.

It all sounds fantastic ...

bad head place

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Firstly I should apologise for another whiney post - I'm not in a good place in my head this week.

I guess it's largely my own fault, decisions i've made that have maybe not been the best choices. Every time I think i've got my head and life together another spanner falls into the works and i'm not even back to where I started. Effectively i'm bankrupt - no regular income and bills that need paying has become a repeating cycle of worry.

Head work

So, here we are 3/4's of 2018 has passed and my life has changed even from six months ago. Some things like my fitness and the new grand child have been very positive but it's not all been a bed of roses. Some ancient debts caught up with me which has meant having to borrow a significant amount which in turn has meant that i've been living on beans for much of the year! Then there was all the upheaval with the new kitchen....

any moment now ...

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I am in a weird place at the moment. Its kinda like this: (part of my brain): "Any moment now, my facade of happiness will crack, and I'll tumble into a depression ..... any moment now .... I'm braced, I'm ready, bring on the sad .... any time now ... (taps a foot ) ... yeah, it will sure will be awful .... when that big downer hits .... any time now ..."

and on and on like that ...

Guten Tag

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News from Maddy!

So here I am - sat outside a restaurant in Nordlingen eating Gnochi Gorgonzola and drinking beer, wearing shorts and sandals as it's into the 20's c!

My stint as Nena, tour guide is 80% over as we fly home tomorrow. We've had a day doing the Roman Limes (think Hadrian's Wall but longer) around Aalen, yesterday we went down to the Donau for a Keltische visit and today has been the hillfort of Ipf before an afternoon here in the Ries crater at Nordlingen.

I would say that stories about growing up are pretty close to being real

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I have just returned from my forty-fifth high school reunion and I would like to tell you about a lesson I learned. (Yes, I can still be taught at my age). I had not managed to attend many reunions over the years and I went to this one to see if any of the people I knew would be there. I wanted to find out if they behaved any differently from our time in high school.

okay this is getting ridiculous

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Okay so this is getting ridiculous.

Last night I again dreamed of being an actress, this time with a guest role on Buffy the Vampire Slayer as a mystic healer who also worked as a nurse at Sunnydale hospital and helped Buffy and the gang, and then had to treat Spike who had been hurt during a battle.



That I wasn't able to post a new chapter today - my day trip was something i'd pretty much forgotten about but I really wanted to do.

What was it I hear you ask? Well for those who do history, specifically English history, I spent the day doing Richard III, Bosworth Battlefield, the Greyfriars excavation site and visitor centre and his last resting place, Leicester Cathedral. Just because it was there I visited the medieval Guildhall too - quite a full day!

my brain, she is weird

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Remember how the other day I talked about dreaming I was an actress on TV shows? Well, last night, I dreamed I was in a B movie, playing a scientist who was stuck in a groundhog day style time loop by a nuclear explosion, trying to use what they learned every "day" to get closer to stopping it. But to make things weirder, I also played the coo coo for coco-puffs head of the military base who set off the explosion, which gave me an opportunity to ham it up, especially at the end when the scientist found a way to stop the explosion, leaving the head of the base babbling about "But I won!

two very strange dreams

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okay for someone who doesnt actually watch that much TV anymore, other than sports and Dr. Who. (and Agents of Shield), my subconscious seems to have been infected by TV shows.

Twice in the last week or so I have had dreams of being an actress on TV shows. The first time I played a young woman who had been a pioneer in getting an education in the early 1900's, and returned home to her small town in Eastern Canada, faced people who dismissed her because of her youth and gender, and helped solve a mystery.

Life-style change

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Ok, it is time for some major explanations.

Let me commence by saying that I have a new birthday - 18th September.

For about the billionth time this year, I drove (this time accompanied by my beloved) from the UK to Switzerland. As we left the house in England I thought; "That's funny. The left side of my mouth is all tingly." We drove on and then I got a tingly sensation in my left hand, outside fingers.

Madeline rides again!

I've now got my head a bit sorted and the time to post more than a couple of sentences.

Where to start? I've given little snippets about my recent trip to Germania but not much real insight. The more nerdy readers may recall that the main focus of the road trip was to ride the Eddy Merckx Classic event in the Salzkammergut east of Salzburg. It was a significant step on my recovery from last year's medical issues and on that score it was certainly revealing.

probably wont be on tomorrow, or the weekend

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Tomorrow will be a busy day.

I am expecting to have to run to Sam's school and the morning, because the disabled transport will probably drop her off early again.

Then I got to come home, find time to get some groceries done, go back and take Sam home, and then go to my friend and pick up a key to their place so I can dog sit this weekend, and probably wont be on during the weekend either.

so have a couple of extra huggles each to tide you all over till I'm back.

stressful day

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Well, had a stressful afternoon.

I had to get a sticker so I can park on my street during stadium events, which requires my car registration. and then I discovered that my registration had lapsed in July. Not only that my insurance card was not up to date either.

I was starting to do the beat myself up stuff, but I was able to get a hold of my insurance company and they sent a copy of my updated insurance to the registry office, and with that, I was able to get my registry updated.

Health update & Story help.

Just a quick update on me and me asking you guys to help me find new stories to read that I can get into. My health is improving although I’m still in the hospital, I was in the midst of a very severe Anorexia episode and now I’m improving although it hasn’t come easy. As for the stories I like, it varies. I love Tiffany Shar’s stories, Sue Brown,Torrey,Zoe Taylor, Paula Dillon, Jennifer Sue, Jennifer Brock. I could list at least 20 but I think you guys get the point.

Slow Progress

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It is tough going at the moment. I am still writing, though I seem to keep finding other things that need doing.

Since the original episode, I have been on steroids now for nearly five years. This is making my consultant nervous, so he has decided to do something drastic. Since that time, medical techniques have moved on and there are apparently new ways of dealing with my condition.

Basically, it amounts to chemotherapy.

I am ashamed

I haven't posted in a while because I am ashamed of myself. When my internet went out mid July I thought it was going to be a month or so to get it fixed. My roommate would not hear of using my phone to tether the net to my computer to my phone (in her world the phone is better) I snapped I tried to hurt myself with a fork in what amounts to a temper tantrum. It shocked me to something closer to sanity. I didn't succeed because I was not serous, like I said it was a temper tantrum, pure and simple.

A New Profile Photo

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I do not believe that this really reaches a level that needs to be announced... and it doesn't. But if you have been used to seeing my deceivingly dated profile photo alongside reviews and messages and such, I have decided to correct that deception with something more current.

The photo (a poor selfie) and my makeup were both rushed. It shows way too much of my natural color rising through too.

Still... I am a little more... ahem... "mature" now. In spite of liking my old (younger) photo much better, it was long overdue to "get with the times".

I'm still here

I'm still here.

I haven't given up.

I've managed to not give up.

I'm struggling to not give up.

The thing is, I'm a sucker for routine. If there's a break in routine, it messes me. up. If it's a big enough break, it's that much harder for me to get back into it. back in 2015, I had my the last appointment with my psychiatrist. Their scheduling system was down so I couldn't book my next appointment.

I'm really sorry

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I need to apologize. Until I actually posted my entry in the double dip contest, I hadn't really registered just how short it was. Its basically little more than a drabble. I really hope enough people enter the contest that I wont have to worry about winning with such a tiny piece.

I have another piece I'm working on that might be acceptable for the "music" part of the contest, but no guarantees I'll have it ready before the contest closes.

Again, I'm sorry.

The Family Girl #95: Part Seven now 150,000 Words

The Family Girl Blogs
(aka "The New Working Girl Blogs")

Blog #95: Part Seven now 150,000 Words. But Stuck…

To see all of Bobbie's Family Girl
click on this link:

Hi, everyone!

Still alive. But I’m buried with work…

Festival time

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Well, that is the Shrewsbury festival over for another year; source of so much of my inspiration. Some wonderful music, old friends popping out of the woodwork, and very sore fingertips on my left hand. Last year I played so much and so enthusiastically I snapped a plectrum; this year, I just broke a string on the last evening.

Already planning next year! I will try to remember to print off all my train tickets this time, rather than just the cycle reservations...

went to the dentist today

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So I've been having teeth pain the last couple of days, and finally screwed up my courage and went to a dentist.

Today all I got done was x-rays, so I will have to go back Thursday for the first part of the work that needs done, and chances are it will take 2 visits to get everything accomplished.

So anxiety levels are not going to be lowered for a while, sadly ...


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I go to a place called Religious Forums a lot. It has everyone from Atheists to Baptists there, and for some strange reason, two men, one a Buddhist, and the other a Baha'i are attracted to me, apparently because I'm so obsessive and broad in my research. I don't write worth a hoot, but love research.

What a strange feeling to have a man interested. I've already said there will be no sex.



heavy smoke here in Edmonton

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Its been very smoky here in Edmonton this week, as fires rage all across BC and the smoke pours over the mountains into Alberta. Should be good writing weather but I ... just havent had as much writing spoons as I would have liked. Still, I have a couple of pieces more or less ready - one for the September contest, and one for the next "mix tape" if it gets accepted. Plus I have one more that is about a quarter done, my Siege of Fiddler's Vale story which is started but kinda stalled, and a few older pieces I hope I can get wrapped up some day. So as the saying goes, stay tuned !


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