Dorothy Colleen

Doctor's Log 3 "The dark huggle"

Doctor’s log 3: “The anti-huggle”

Excerpt from the personal logs of Doctor Dorothy “Dottie” Bellion

Stardate: Classified.

I belong to the best crew in Starfleet.

I knew that, but in case I needed to be reminded, they proved themselves again.

It all started with why I invented the huggle generator in the first place. See, I suffered some ... traumatic experiences young, and one of the few things that helped me process that was the unwavering support of our family dog.

the end of my barefoot summer

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When I was young, one of the more odd ways the genders differed was that men did not go without socks if they were wearing shoes. This was really hammered home for me when an actor on a TV show broke that stereotype, and people acted like he had taken up dancing in a pink tutu.

So deeply ingrained in me was this idea, along with a lack of confidence in my own lower parts, that even when I wore women's clothes, I always wore at least nylons with them. This continued even after I donated the last of my male clothes and had gone full time - socks or nylons were a must.

needing some positive vibes and hugs

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Well, a day that was supposed to be a triumph for me quickly turned into a near disaster, with me ending up struggling with suicidal thoughts.

I went down to the Canadian government office with my name change document and got the change done, but unfortunately, they dont deal with taxes, and told me I will have to contact Revenue Canada myself.

Then I went to the bank that has my car loan to give them my change of name, and went into my purse for the document ... only to discover it was missing.

in my dreams, I am not a nice person

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what would you do if a dream told you you were a bad person?

This happened to me last night.

It started as what would make an interesting story on Big Closet, with me as a worker in a palace who switches bodies with a princess.

But then things got dark.

the switch is undone, but the result was that the princess got to know the real me, and didn't like what she saw, and showed me the darkness I try to keep hidden.

my subconscious is trying to kill me.

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I think my subconscious is trying to kill me.

Today is the second day in the last three I have almost thrown myself off my bed in my sleep, waking up just in time to prevent crashing into my bookcase at bone breaking speeds.

Sighs ...

delays, delays, delays

As Marvin the Martian would say, "Delays, delays"

In my case, this refers to a new chapter in the MYTH series. A bad combination of "trying to do real life stuff while in pain", and "Muse on vacation" has meant I am no closer to finishing chapter 3 than i have been for a bit.

My apologies. At least some of the other writers who have expressed interest are coming up with interesting ideas ...

Healing progress

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I have spent time today considering my healing.

That I have healed much, especially in the last couple of years, has become obvious to me. I still have far to go, but I am further down the road than I ever dreamed possible.

This healing would not have been possible without all the support I've received, so thanks to all of you.

Visitor from my dreams

Visitor from my dreams

Author's note: I read a writer's prompt on facebook, and it went something like "She came to me in my dreams, and in my nightmares", and my muse took it from there ...

At first, i thought she was a nightmare, the girl in my dreams.

For I was a boy, or supposed to be. So where could this girl I dreamed of being come from?

Then there were the nightmares in truth, but she was not the monster in them, but rather a victim - a prisoner, tormented and captive.

I was brought to tears today

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I was brought to tears in church today.

See, we had a special service for pets today, and my pastor asked if I would be temporarily in charge of her dog while she conducted the service. To help keep the dog close to me she gave me a handful of treats to give out during the service.

Well, it didnt take the dog long to figure out what I had in my hand, and so became my best friend, sitting beside me and occasionally trying to sniff my hands to see which one had the treats. When I put my face close to his in response to this, he licked me.

the secret of M.Y.T.H. chapter 2

Author's note: Sorry this is so short, I wanted to get some details about the school down

The secret of M.Y.T.H. chapter 2

The teacher introduced herself as Mrs. D’Arcy, and said she would be our teacher for our “mundane” classes.

“We dont want to neglect math, science, and social studies, just because you have magic,” she said.

“Makes sense,” Melody said.

idea giveaway

Sometimes, I get fragments of an idea that I cant turn into a story.

I have one of those at the moment, so I am giving it away to any who may want it:

It goes like this:

Alien (watching a woman paint her toenails): "What is the significance of that action?"

Woman: "What action?"

Alien: "Painting your hind claws like that."

And there you go. If you can make something of this, you're welcome to it.

Some facts about M.Y.T.H.

Just some facts about M.Y.T.H. school for those who want in:

M.Y.T.H. stands for Magical Youth Training House. The school would be in the north-west part of Montana - so near forest, but with farmland near too.

Cold in the winter, but the school probably has magic to keep the worst of the weather at bay.

Closest big name attraction would be Yellowstone park.

anyone want to join M.Y.T.H.?

I have just published the first chapter of "the secret of M.Y.T.H.", and I hope everybody likes it, but I hope other writers will want to join crazypagangirl and myself in playing in this sandbox.

If you have an idea you think might work, let me know, okay?

The secret of M.Y.T.H. chapter 1

The Secret of M.Y.T.H. (a sequel to “Help! My girlfriend is a Unicorn!”)

chapter 1

As I got dressed for my first day at the new school, I reflected on how much had changed since this time last year.

Last year I just a regular boy, with a girl as a friend who would soon be my girlfriend, trying to navigate the beginnings of puberty and typical school stuff, nothing unusual about me at all.

Now, pretty much none of that is still true.

I am way beyond “usual”, nowhere near “regular”.

And not even a boy.

anyone want to be a beta reader ?

I am looking for a beta reader for the first chapter of my sequel to "Help! My girlfriend is a Unicorn!".

I need someone who feels comfortable reading what I have so far, and making comments, suggestions, questions, or whatever that will help make the piece as good as it can be.

So, any takers?

Bootcamp was a bust

Well, the writer's "bootcamp" thing was a bust. it was all about writing self-help books, using said books to pass yourself off as an "expert" so you can get interviews, which leads to speaking fees and endorsements, which is where you make money, and they get their money from you in exchange for publishing your book.

So nothing that would be helpful for me, sadly.

Ah, well. At least I tried ...

unique opportunity this weekend

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I have been given an opportunity to participate in a writer's "bootcamp" this weekend. Even if I doubt very much I could make a living as an author, I want to at least try this bootcamp and see what happens.

Among other things, I am very nervous about what to wear. They said "business casual", but I dont really know what that means for a woman.

hugs and encouragement appreciated.

Doctor's Log 2 "Surprise!"

Doctor’s Log 2 “Surprise!”

Excerpt from the personal log of Doctor Dorothy “Dottie” Bellion:

Stardate: Classified.

I think a certain captain may have missed her calling in life, and should have been a counselor.

See, I had been feeling rather down lately. I had just marked another birthday, and afterward I found myself taking stock of my life, and wondering if I in fact really had accomplished anything of value in my time in this universe.

Doctor's Log

Doctor's Log

Author's note: On Facebook, I belong to a page called Transgender Trekkies. On that page, we have our own starship, the USS Jorgensen, and there I am known as Doctor Dorothy Bellion, AKA Doc Huggles. Just for fun, I made a excerpt of the doctor's log, and now I want to share it with you ...

Excerpt from the personal log of Doctor Dorothy (Dottie) Bellion:

Stardate: Classified.

The captain has authorized me to release a portion of my personal log, as there seems to be some confusion about just what I do aboard ship.

51 years ago ...

51 years ago, in a tiny town in New Brunswick, I came into the world.

On one's birthday, I feel one should set time aside for gratitude, and I have a lot to be grateful for.

My family - my mom, my brother, my sister-in-law, my ex, my daughter, my church, my friends, both near and far, my faith, and of course this place, without which I doubt I would have found the courage to try a transition.

Super big huggles to all!

without being in torment, can I still write?

I am scared I might be done as a writer.

See, almost all of my writing came out of the struggles I have had with PTSD and my gender.

Now, I have just had the biggest success in dealing with my gender issues by getting my name legally changed, and I'm scared that without that struggle my muse has nothing to feed on anymore.

Do I need to be tormented to write?

And what do I do if my muse doesnt come back?

Sighs ... I could use some huggles ...

Welcome to M.Y.T.H. school

Starting soon, Bonnie and Melody will be joining a group of teenage magical creatures at a brand new school:

The magical youth training house AKA: M.Y.T.H. School.

Mundanes who go near will see the school name as the Micheal Yosef Tomas-Howe alternative school

And I am opening the school up to other authors. If you have an idea for a magical creature story that could be set in the school, please let me know!

Help! My girlfriend is a Unicorn! Chapter 9

Help! My girlfriend is a Unicorn!

Chapter 9

The next morning, the six of us shared breakfast with Melody’s mom. (I had oatmeal. Not just because I am now a unicorn, I always loved it.)

After breakfast, Melody’s mom asked Ari to take the girls into the living room to watch TV while Melody and I were asked to help do dishes.

Relaxation

Relaxation

Like a lot of other guys, my work is something I endure so I have the money to enjoy my weekends, when I can relax.

Although, the way I “relax” is a little different than most guys ...

See, once I get home on Friday afternoon until I have to get ready for work on Monday, I spend the whole time in women’s clothes.

I dont think its a fetish, at least not exactly, because for the most part, I dont get turned on by dressing up.

What I mostly feel is ... at peace.

Free.

Help! My girlfriend is a Unicorn! Chapter 8

Help! My girlfriend is a unicorn!

Chapter 8

For Ray Drouillard, who suggested the were-kitties.

As it happened, the next couple of days made me wonder about how exciting things were gonna be for me. All I had to deal with was being a girl in junior high, which probably was “excitement” enough, considering.

Then on Friday, Melody told me her family was going to be hosting a “guest” over the weekend, and I was invited to come over on Saturday.

A big change

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There has been a change in me.

Maybe it has been there for a while, but I finally noticed it on Sunday before church.

To understand this change, you have to understand how SCARED I was going out in public in feminine clothes when I started my transition. EVERY time was nerve wracking terror just to step outside my door.

And then, before church on Sunday, I walked over to a convenience store to pick up a paper and as I walked in my pretty dress, I realized - I wasn't afraid anymore.

Pretty neat, no?

attention Unicorn fans!

Okay all unicorn fans.

Here is your chance to help me figure out what happens next to our protagonists.

What mythological race should they meet?

Examples: Mermaids, Centaurs, Elves, Dwarves, ect.

No prizes awarded, but lots of huggles for those who participate.

Help! My girlfriend is a Unicorn! Chapter 7

Help! My girlfriend is a Unicorn!

Chapter 7

Despite the fact no one at school remembered the “food fight”, I discovered that there were some changes in people the next day. Boys especially, were looking at me differently, but even some of the girls seemed to be more aware of my existence than before, even though I had returned to a more “tomboy” look.

a step back from the edge

Not for the first time, I have been reminded of the value of friends.

Thanks to several friends, I cried some tears, and then began the long slow slog out of darkness. I finally realized I was indulging in self-pity as well as self-punishment, and neither is healthy - or warranted.

To get myself further back from the brink, I decided I needed a distraction, and so went to see the movie Wonder Woman, which was excellent.

My deepest thanks to all who sent me messages of support.

Huggles for each and every one of you.

I am close to being suicidal

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Remember how I had said my unemployment claim had finally been settled, and I was going to start getting some money?

Well, apparently not so fast.

Went down to the office today to give a direct deposit form, only to find out my claim is still in limbo, and I have NO idea when or even if its gonna change.

I am really close to wanting to go play in traffic ...

Help! My girlfriend is a Unicorn! Chapter 6

Help! My girlfriend is a Unicorn!

Chapter 6

I shyly came out of my room in a dress, and my mother dabbed her eyes as she looked at me.

“Mom?” I asked, “Are you ... crying?”

“Well, it's just ... you look beautiful.”

“Well, I guess that’s good, right?”

“Sure, but you’re going into highschool next year, and then maybe college, and .. well, dont grow up too fast, okay?”

“I just want to get through today. Dont worry mom I’m in no hurry.”

We hugged.

So why was I in a dress?

a recommendation

I have been re-reading a series of comics that have got me thinking, and if you dont mind, I'd like to share a little.

The series is from the Justice league of America, and its called "the obsidian age".

The basic idea is a couple of people come from the past and try and kill the JLA, believing them to be a destructive force. They lose, but retreat to the past, and the heroes decide to follow them - and things dont go well.

an apology

The last few days have been ... difficult for me. Besides the issues with trying to get help from the various levels of government, I have been dealing with pain and several PTSD attacks.

The result is chapter six of my unicorn silliness will be slightly delayed, as I need a "happy happy" mood to create the light and fluffy joy I want the story to have.

So sorry.

sighs when it rains, it pours ...

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As if I haven't had enough trouble, according to the lady from the Alberta government who is helping me, my application for handicapped assistance has disappeared and I am going to have to fill it out again.

Sighs ... can I bonk my head repeatedly now?

bad day

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Well, today has not been a very good day for me.

First, I had a serious PTSD moment trying to get into the shower this morning, and it took me till almost noon to get calmed down enough to be able to actually get clean.

then, I had a bit of a breakdown at the unemployment office, and started crying.

On the plus side, they did tell me to expect a phone call on the status of my claim before the end of next week.

I'm ... gonna go to my blanket fort now ...

a couple of big news announcements

Well, today has been a big news day. First, I might just have a job opportunity. It would be working from home for an escrow company doing customer service mostly over the phone and online. The company would train me, I'd get a small salary during training and assuming I could handle it go to full time 9-5 monday to Friday.

Fingers crossed ...

as if that wasn't enough, I also got a call from the gastro specialist, giving me the time for my consult on getting surgery. It will happen July 18, 130 pm.

As I said earlier, fingers crossed ...

chicken soup for the trans soul

I was trading messages with Haylee V., and she had suggested I submit works to magazines and publications like Reader's Digest and Chicken soup for the soul. Which got me thinking, what about several of the authors here collaborate on our own little collection of stories?

We couldn't probably call it Chicken soup for the Trans soul, but there is probably an equivalent we could use, but that basic idea - real life examples of trans people overcoming difficulties and having success as an inspiration for the rest of us - could be really interesting.

What do you guys think?

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