TopShelf TG Fiction in the BigCloset!
in the second episode of "Moon Knight" the bad guy asks the hero if he was broken before he was chosen, or did being chosen break him.
I sometimes wonder the same thing about the man who used me.
did his actions break me, or did he pick me because I was already broken?
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Perception and reality
Of course we all know that we will never really know why we are the ways that we are. Sure, I suppose that in some ways we are the person that was shaped by all the things we have experienced. We are also shaped by how we perceived them. How we perceived them at the time and how we perceive them now.
Being me is not always easy. It's not always fun. I suppose it might be similar to be you.
It is tragic that you had those experiences. I suppose that there are others things at other times that were blessings. There is no way we cannot review the time line and wonder if things might have been different. There is no way we cannot think about how we could have made them different. In the end we will never know. There is no one except the goddess who can explain it, and she is keeping it all to herself.
Someone told me that things happen. Do what you can and then let it go.
Peace,
Crescenda
aka
Your friend
Crash
Broken
In the times we have spent talking, I would like to think that I've gotten to know you a bit. I also have a lack of modesty enough to state that I'm a pretty good judge of people. ;^) You weren't broken before you were sent to a monster under the pretext of him helping you. He did that to you. Before then you were just another girl born into a boy's body. One in 10,000 of us are every day. Being a girl wasn't you being broken... that was just you being you... which is pretty awesome in my estimation!
That you've been able to overcome what was done to you as well as you have just goes to show how badly he failed at truly breaking you. You could have become an abuser like him. You could have succumb to the evil of it and ended your own life. You could have let his attempt to destroy the beautiful woman you are succeed and just become a hollow shell with no 'you' left. Instead you are here now and he has failed. His evil died with you. He wanted to pass on the evil that was done to him to you so that you would pass it on to others... and he failed. That you worry that you might be broken shows that the evil done to you will never win... you won't let it. You will never pass that evil on and you won't let it conquer you. That is how amazing you are!
Know that you are loved... that you are thought of often... that you are needed, both here and with your family... and that you were never truly broken... no matter how hard that monster tried or how much damage he did.
You're still standing.
::huggles::
Roberta
thanks hon.
sometimes, when the memories hit me, I feel very soiled and yes, broken. But as the memories recede, I'm reminded of how blessed I am, And I count you among my blessings.
huggles.
Nature or nurture
The nature versus nurture debate is one of the oldest philosophical issues within psychology. It's a debate that has been going on since ancient times, probably predating Plato. All of the worlds refined experts can't agree, some can't even agree to disagree.
Those who try to explain the Trans phenomena seem to be among the most adamant debaters. The same is true of those interested in LGB folk as well. It seems plain to me that there has been no amassing of data to support the nurture side. We are all born with innate tendencies to be the way we are. Over the millennia there has been way too much negative influences to our nature that if it were all nurture, we'd have all chosen to ignore any such urges. There a tens of thousands of our sister who attempted just that and failed.
No, when it comes to being Trans, nothing broke us and made us that way, nor does being that way make us broken. There was a time when it was accepted that being left handed was considered broken. Children were punished for using their left hand as the dominate hand. (I personally know someone who's sense of left and right was totally messed up well into adulthood because they were so soundly berated as a child for being left handed.) No difference. Being left or right handed is innate. Being Trans or Cis is Innate. No amount of nurture (or abuse) can change that innate nature. It can however enhance or hinder the expression of that nature. To quote Popeye the Sailor Man; "I am what I am, and that's all that I am." And I Corinthians 15:10a "But by the grace of God I am what I am."
And as far as what happened to you, I side with RobertaME. It didn't break you. You maybe a little bent, but you're springing back quite nicely. ;o)
Hugs
Hugs
Patricia
Happiness is being all dressed up and HAVING some place to go.
Semper in femineo gerunt
Hi Dorothy, reading your
Hi Dorothy, reading your comment about Moon Knight took me back to my 10 year old self reading his first appearance in Marvel's "Werewolf By Night". He had no backstory then. A little like me, just a little boy wishing every day he would wake up as a girl. Knowing as I grew older and wiser it would never happen.
I often wonder if I had insisted that I was a girl what would have happened. It could have been good it could have been a complete cluster Fu*&.
It's like your life. I don't know what happened to you, but it probably made you who you are today. We learn more from the bad stuff than from the good. Perhaps without it you may have been a less understanding person?
While we are the sum of our parts and our experiences. It's our reaction to those experiences that matter. Some people shake off the negative stuff and go with "whatever doesn't kill me makes me stronger."
I don't know what I am now. Self denying trans? Whoever you are now, you seem popular on here and I have found your comments and exchanges on here positive. Who knows what you would be without the negative experiences.
Leeanna
Reminds me of a verse you wrote…
Some years ago Dorothy, you wrote a profound verse(for me at least), that continues to heal and inspire me and I quote, in part:
My task is the same regardless
to try and take the shards of self
and see if I can carefully work them back together.
And then maybe, just maybe, when I'm done
I'll be like a stained glass window
- adding beauty to the light that shines through me.
Dorothy Colleen
Thank you.
I am stunned and flattered that I inspire you
huggles!