So, I got my first, real, professional pedicure a few nights ago. I honestly do not know why I never had this done before because my feet felt *amazing* when it was over. I even got them polished with a nice sea foam green color. My wife was with me when I had this done (she actually suggested that we go together) and thought the color looked nice.

When I mentioned the experience with my therapist, she said that it seemed like a bold step forward even though I'm still not sure about the destination. Then she asked me if the incident has lessened my fear about my wife's possible reaction to this part of who I might be. In light of the fact that she was the one to suggest us going to get it done.

I have to be honest, it hasn't. I'm still terrified that once she knows she will be unable, or unwilling, to accept me. There is so much I want to tell her, but the thought that it might result in us separating actually makes me nauseous with fear. I hate that I feel I have to hide this aspect from her, but I am not ready to take that step yet.

Until then, I will admire my toes and hope that things will not be as bad as I've made them in my mind.