Printer-friendly version
Author:
Blog About:
So, I came across a tweet and wish I could figure out how to post it in its entirety, but here's the link:
https://twitter.com/archer_rs/status/1660621791444836353
I know a tiny bit about France, enough to be dangerous, but I remember the punchline's significance. It starts thusly:
First British tourists of the summer season are here. Middle aged couple with a caravan that had a UKIP sticker in the window. Assumed I spoke English, asked for directions, I replied in French. The woman tutted, rolled her eyes and said,
"They don't even try to speak English"
Comments
Whenever I go to France I try
Whenever I go to France I try my best to speak French and get a reply in English. I assume they don't want me to continue to befoul their language.
I assume I must sound like this.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ilhJvFngWcY
Leeanna
I don't
speak French - oh i have three years of schoolgirl French lessons to pull on which is enough to order alcohol - how much more do you need?
Madeline Anafrid Bell
Here it is
RS Archer
@archer_rs
·
23h
He got out of the car,
"Now look here, I won't stand for this, you need to learn some respect for people like me" I couldn't resist it, I said,
"People like you? You mean fat people?"
RS Archer
@archer_rs
·
23h
His wife added her voice,
"Don't you call my Reg fat, that's very rude. we'll be reporting this, just you see"
"Reporting to who, Weight Watchers?"
RS Archer
@archer_rs
·
23h
The vein on his neck had by now begun to do more than throb, it had possibly achieved sentience as it writhed, snake like just above the collar of his salmon pink Ralph Lauren polo shirt
RS Archer
@archer_rs
·
22h
His wife was by now filming me with her phone,
"You'll be sorry, the Police will be seeing this, we don't take abuse from foreigners like you, we know our rights"
I said, "I strongly urge you to go to the Police madam, in fact I beg you to go there now"
RS Archer
@archer_rs
·
22h
By now a small but interested crowd had gathered and they sought support from them,
"This man has been rude to us, very rude. He refused to speak English and called my husband fat." Claude, a local farmer spoke,
"This is France, we speak French and he is fat"
RS Archer
@archer_rs
·
22h
Claude paused, drew reflectively on his cigar, looked the woman up and down and said,
"You are also fat"
RS Archer
@archer_rs
·
22h
There was a general murmur of agreement from the crowd which did little to calm them. Reg pulled a small notebook from his car and said,
"Right I want everyone's names here, this is going further, you will all be hearing from my solicitor. You" he said, looking at me, "name?"
RS Archer
@archer_rs
·
22h
I said "Guillaume Canet" he wrote it down.
"Right" he said, "now the rest of you"
Claude gave a local rustic gesture and walked away. Other followed him and the crowd gently dispersed.
RS Archer
@archer_rs
·
22h
Returning to their car the final throwaway line was defiant,
"Don't think you have heard the last of this, I'm a Rotarian"
RS Archer
@archer_rs
·
21h
Call from our Mayor,
"We have just had people here complaining about you. they told one of my ladies they wanted to make a statement and press charges. I have referred them to the Gendarmerie. They did not like that we laughed. I tried to explain that refusing .....
RS Archer
@archer_rs
·
21h
...to speak English is not an offence in France but the very strange women told me it should be because of 'all the tourists and stuff'. They say that are not staying to be insulted, I suggested the Loire region for them. they asked if people speak English there. I said yes"
Hugs
Patricia
Happiness is being all dressed up and HAVING some place to go.
Semper in femineo gerunt
Thanks
All my text disappeared /sigh
Travelling in France
The first rule about travelling in France is to understand that the French are not just rude to foreigners, they are rude to everybody.
Whether it is true or not doesn't matter - it makes things more pleasant.
Speak French if you can, but if you can't, speak English with a courteous expression.
And then, as one experienced monolinguist traveller once told me - "Everybody understands English if it is shouted loud enough".
I speak French (well enough) and if they reply in English I keep going in French unless they are very good.
Here is what to say if they are not - "S'il vous plaît parlez Français ou trouvez quelqu'un qui parle Anglais correctement".
my solution
when a Frenchman refuses to understand my schoolboy French is to speak to them in German. Most French people then suddenly discover they understand my broken French or show an ability to speak English