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Her I am again! You have to pardon me if the typing isn't perfect, but I'm wearing nail polish for the first time in a long time,and it's not quite dry. And, oh yeah, I'm not quite sober. Panties, cork soled wedge heels and a long dress with built in bra cups. I can't tell you how good it feels
On 08/19/09, my wonderful wife walked in on me, en femme. Her response was "I wish that I didn't know!" It took me nearly 50 years to find the right woman. and I'm not about to lose her. So I reacted in the most predictable way and purged everything for the first time, in the now fourteen years that we've been married. When I told her what I had done, she said "Are you sure that you want to do that?" It was hard, but I managed until now. The desires to dress have been growing as time has passed.
This morning I put her on a a plane for San Diego to visit a friend. I have twelve days alone, although I have to go to work during the week. I can remove the fingernail polish, and makeup, and no one will see the polish on my toenails through my socks. Just my little secret.
Time out for a second coat of nail polish, another Martini, and a potty break. Did I say that I wasn't quite sober? What a wonderful turn-on it is to see red nailed fingers dancing, somewhat ineptly on the keyboard, and realize that they belong to me!!
After I dropped Mary Beth off, it was five hours of shopping trip, in Houston's 96 degree heat and humidity. I know that that should be a joy, but It decidedly isn't when one is in drab. A beard is hard thing to hide, and it wouldn't matter anyway with shoulders like a linebacker.
Two dresses, two skirts, a top, a nightie, two bras, four panties. and a pair of wedgies later, I'm in heaven! So what if it's all my disposable income for the next six months! What is it that feeds the soul of cross-dressers? I do know that the only time when I totally relax is when I'm en femme. I did discover that in the two years of illness that I'm just coming out of, I've not only gained some weight, but that I can no longer comfortably wear a 40 C bra. Where are you going to find a 44 A or B bra except on-line . The upside is that I have 12 days to receive things without detection!
It's Gay Pride tonight in Houston. The parade passes within block of my house. While not gay, I'd love to be out there dancing in a dress in solidarity, but it's just not in my nature and the fear of ridicule is very strong. What can you do? I'll just sit here in my dress and heels and listen to the revelers outside, made stronger by the example of a lesbian mayor. It's an interesting town. Redneck as all get out, but entranced by Ms.. Parker and her frankly more middle of the road than liberal policies. I wonder if being on the fringe sexually causes one to try to make up for it politically? A question for the ages!
By the way, I have tendonitis in both Achille's tendons. Back when I was single, with only one bad tendon, I can't tell you how happy I was when the orthopedist said, "You need to wear higher heels." I don't think that he had quite what I did in mind, but nonetheless prancing about the apartment in 4" heels actually helped quite a lot. In the last two years the problem, with the second tendon cropped up, and I wondered if heels would help more than the 1/4" lift the the doctor recommended. My tendons and knees feel great, even before the martinis. I'm sure that my calves will hurt in the morning as I'm not used to heels anymore, but for anyone with tendonitis here's a prescription for you, from a totally unqualified practitioner! 3 1/2" heels seem ideal, perhaps more if you're not a heavyweight like me.
More later, Perhaps.
Liz
Comments
Her I am again!
Hope that you have fun while she is away.
May Your Light Forever Shine
May Your Light Forever Shine
Wow...you really covered a lot...
...it sounds so much like you're still torn in some ways. Bolstering your courage a bit? And the need to keep things secret; hidden until an opportune time? Letting Liz out for a nice week, but almost still looking over your shoulder? And your wife's response? I bet that hasn't really changed much. She knows but she doesn't want to? Like in some ways if you were a sculptor or played the guitar and she said the same thing. The need for this important part of you to be accepted by the most important person in your life. Believe me, I know how that feels. I hope that Mary Beth gets to know Liz better.
Dio vi benedica tutti
Con grande amore e di affetto
Andrea Lena
Love, Andrea Lena
I love your hair!
I know that it is just an avatar, but I've been very happy for you as it grew happier looking and more attractive. A smile is the most attractive thing that a woman can wear. As I said in the subject line, your new hairstyle seems to reflect the you we have all come to know through your writing.
Of course, I'm torn! Not dressing for the last two years has left me feeling like a part of me was torn away. It's like losing a limb. No almost about it! I am looking over my shoulder. I too doubt that Mary Beth has changed her mind about Liz. She doesn't even know her name, and I doubt that she ever will.
Right now, I am under a lot of pressure. My stress level is through the ceiling. That's when I need Liz the most. I will be retiring in the next year or so, and I'm hoping that living in the country and growing grapes, etc. will be a lot lower pressure situation. The other thing besides dressing that always makes me relax is getting my hands in the soil and nurturing plants. There is also a great satisfaction in sitting down to a meal knowing that everything to eat or drink on the table was raised and prepared with your own two hands. I'm hoping that that will be enough, and Liz can remain a pleasant memory in my closet.
Does your lady know about Andrea, and does she accept her? Is that bittersweet expression on your face caused by her lack of acceptance? I don't really know your situation, except through hints you've dropped in your writing, but I wonder how well your wife knows Andrea. I hope that you can share that with us.
Thanks again for the sweet reply!
Liz