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A long time ago I belonged to a wrestling club called World Class Wrestling (not what you saw on tv). I was one of the better wrestlers to come out of the club and was voted Mr. Florida my senior year of high school before going on to winning two national championships and the Coca-Cola international tournament in Honduras while in college.
Well, today they are going to have a reunion. One that I will not be going to. I hate to say this, but I would be embarrassed to go there as Katie and it would feel like a lie if I went there as Tiny. I guess I will just sulk. There are a lot of stories out there that have the concept of Identity Death, and I feel like that today. I feel as if the two worlds can't exist and now I will have to suffer for it. I would have loved to see some past teammates and the coach (name omitted). At one time wrestling was my life. Now I feel like I don't have a life at all.
Comments
Wow Katie!
You do feel bad, but you must ask yourself why - you are who you know you should be, please be proud of your new life,
is there someone from 'before' who you could feel you could trust, someone who may understand?
When I transitioned I felt similar, wondering how people would see me, react to me, all the things you seem to be experiencing.
As strange as it may seem people can surprise you of course in good and bad ways, good friends will accept you as you are Katie
loud and proud girl emphasis on the PROUD, as for the bigots well they are not worth your consideration.
It's difficult, it's hard, but you will survive. You DO have a life, which should be a happier one
If you want to chat contact me any time.
Hugs Christina
Being in a profession
that is relatively small, I've met up with people I was in college with at several events since I transitioned, admittedly it wasn't for sporting things so that might be different, also the grapevine would have spread the news like a bushfire when I did transition. On the whole it was a relatively positive experience and I assume those who didn't wish to see me kept well away. Then again I did it in 1986, so that's a long time ago.
Angharad
I can't add nor subtract from your life
Katie,
Each one is unique unto themselves. There are no definitive rules or definitions for such amazing people such as yourself. We can all second guess what "we" would do but "we" aren't you.
When I walk into a convenience store or go anyplace I appreciate how people respond or don't respond. Either way is their choice. I also know chances are I'll never see any of those people again. I'm older, not as young and cute as I used to be. I no longer literally stop traffic like I used to. Come on, the 36,21,36 figure doesn't last forever no matter how hard we try. We won't even mention that little black knit dress that fit like a second skin now shows too much of life's years.
So would I if I were you? I'm not sure now. Years back, no doubt. Are we ever going to see these people again in this life time? If not then the choice is yours and yours alone. In the coming years only you will know which memories you made and kept as you take them out and look them over. Some memories can never be made once they are behind us. So we pull those out of the "I wish I had" memory box and reminisce about what we wish we had done instead of what we did do.
Life is meant to be lived. Not worn until we have worn it out.
always,
Barb
Oklahoma born and raised cowgirl
Was there a "me" before
Was there a "me" before transition in the 1970s? There is nothing in my memory where my previously presented gender was relevant other than transition itself (which is why I've been drawn to this site).
Your problem it seems Katie results from having been the only woman to have participated. Would you feel more comfortable at a reunion of women wrestlers?
Rhona McCloud
Suck it does...
I know the feeling.
I think reunions can be trying for everyone. None of us are who we were, and there's something to be said for letting others remember us as they recall us to be... airbrushed by time.
I was never a big reunion fan. It seems to hold equal possibility for joyous re-acquaintances as it does for disappointment that we've all aged and fallen short of our aspirations.
I hope you can at the very least reestablish contact with those you were closest with and have a chance to catch up one on one.
I wonder if Facebook and other social media will someday supplant the real-world reunion?