What would you do if you found out that you were the child of Lucifer and what is basically an immortal woman? Will you rale against Fate? Would you curse God for who your parents were? Would you face the oncoming battle for your soul with a smile? Would you curl up in a ball and hope that it was all a dream? That is the problem facing one young man as his reality changes.
Chapter 1
Looking back.
Where to begin. Sure, I could start at the beginning, but I think I need to go a little further back than that. You see. I’m the daughter of the Devil but that wasn’t always the case. I was born Ashley Mitchel James. Up until three years ago I was your ordinary high school freshman and a boy. That’s right, you heard me. I was a boy. Not the busty, blue eyed, blond haired, Princess of Hell with the rocking babe body that I am today. Okay I can hear you out there. What the hell are you talking about girlfriend?
I guess I need to take things back a little bit further. You see my mom and the big man Downstairs had a fling nineteen years ago. You know him as First among the BIG GUY’s angles, the Light Bringer, the Devil, Price of Hell, and a whole host of other titles. Oh, and by ‘fling’ I mean they had seven month long fuck fest. During that time ‘dad’, and I use that term loosely, never kept his real nature from my mother. To my mom he was just Lucy. A man that she had a seven month long affair.
Anyway, as much he wanted to stay dad had to leave for ‘business’ at the end of their seven month love affair. He left mom with a forty week surprise package. Mom never told me who my father was. She would only tell me that he was a business associate and that he did most of his work somewhere in the middle east. All that changed shortly after my sixteenth birthday. My life changed on the night of the first full moon.
Mom and I were never what you would call religious. By that I mean we didn’t belong to any of the mainstream religions. However, mom was a very devout Druid. She believed in all of the old Celtic gods and goddesses. Me on the other hand. I didn’t buy into any of that hocus-pocus horseshit. Hell, I didn’t even believe in the whole Heaven and Hell thing. Sure, I believed that there was something out there but to be honest.
I was an agnostic with a massive wait and see attitude. As I look back over that time in my life. I really do wish I had taken a better approach to life. If I had I might not be seating here today listening to the Seven Mortal Sins, better known as the Demon Lords of Hell, bitch about the number of souls escaping Hell. Trust me. Being the daughter of the Crown Prince of Hell has its drawbacks. The first of which is being in charge of Hell’s Prison Wardens. You know them as the Demons of Punishment and Pain. Which is why I get to hear the complaints of these seven assholes on a daily basis.
Chapter 2
Talks in the morning.
Tuesday morning. 0630 am. 3 days to the next full moon.
“Ashley I need to talk with you.” Mom called out to me as I walked downstairs. “It’s about this coming full moon.”
“Mom how many times do we have to have this conversation? I want nothing to do with your and witch coven friends.” I told her as I headed for the fridge.
“Ashley Mitchel James, let me be perfectly clear. I have never asked anything of you. You will give me this.” Mom snarled as she slowly stood up from her chair. “You will be baptized under the full moon.”
“Sorry mom, but unless you can give me a halfway decent reason. That’s not going to happen.” I told her standing my ground.
“What if I told that it was your father’s wish?” She asked me suddenly.
“Hold on here, mom. What do you mean by that?” I asked her with my hand on the fridge door handle. Mom never, never, if ever, played the ‘dad card’ with me unless it was extremely important. When she didn’t answer right away I knew that something major was up. “Okay mom what is going on?”
“I can’t tell you yet Ashley. You just have to trust me. It is very important that you be baptized under the full moon.” Was all mom told me.
“Okay mom. I give up. What do I got to do?” I asked her with a sigh. It wasn’t so much the fact that she played the dad card. It was the fact that she gave me the number four disappointed mom look. If you’ve never had the number four disappointed mom look thank your lucky stars.
“Just come straight home from school on Friday. Don’t make any plans. I’ll be waiting for you to get home.” She told me then left the kitchen.
As I eat my breakfast I thought about the strange way mom has been acting for the last few days. It all started the day I turned sixteen. At first it was like all of my other birthdays. Right up until my Uncle Ralf showed up. Uncle Raphael wasn't really a blood uncle just a longtime friend of mom. At first I couldn’t understand mom’s reaction to his gift. I mean what’s the big deal with a silver necklace with an onyx feather.
(On a side note. I have worn that necklace every day since then. I still wear it as it reminds me that I was once human. Now back to the story.)
As I walked into school that morning I look around at my classmates. To be honest I can’t stand most of them. I guess it is the fact that I’m year older than most of them. I mean most of them are barely fifteen and they have already fallen into the typical clicks. While I just turned sixteen and no have absolutely no use for the bullshit of high school social class system. Sure, I know that the jocks, punks, nerds, pretty girls, goths, and the other clicks have their uses. Namely the validation of their sad pathetic high school lives. The problem is I have never fit in with any of them.
When it comes to school. I have always been the real outsider. Manly because of three reasons. First, I’ve never stayed in one school system for more than two years. Second, is my accent. I don’t have a US accent. Thanks to spending the last nine years of my life in the care of an English Boarding school I had a every proper Queen’s English accent. Think Roger Moore from the James Bond films. The last reason was my looks.
As much as I hated it, I was most definitely what you would call a pretty boy. My sable, shoulder length hair, ice blue eyes, and slim build didn’t help matters. I don’t known how many times I’ve had some knuckle headed jockstrap wearing neanderthal asked me out of a date. Usually because someone thought it would be funny to tell them that I was a girl.
“Hey Ashely, what’s up with the look of disgust man?” Daniel Messenger asked me as I sat down next to him.
“Just the usual bullshit, Danny.” I snarled as I glared at Steve Roper who was standing in the doorway to my home with a dumb look on his face.
“It happened again?” Daniel asked with a chuckle. When I nodded my head Danny chuckled even harder. “Damn partner. How many times does that make?”
“This week or in total?” I asked with a smirk. Then sighed at his look. “If I count Steve it brings the total to just over sixteen.”
“Damn dude that sucks. What I cannot understand is why do they still keep trying to ask you out on a date? I mean half the baseball team and a third of the varsity football team’s starting lineup take gym with us.” Danny grumbled as he watched our Homeroom teacher enter the room. “Is just me or does Miss Oliver get better looking every day.”
“Dude get your head out of the clouds. Miss O is way out of our league. Not to mention she’s in her late twenties and dating one of us is tantamount to Child Molestation in forty-eight states.” I told him with a chuckle.
“Okay people settle down. Take your seats.” Miss Oliver called out just as the first bell of the day rang. After taking attendance she gave us the day’s announcements. Just like every school day.
Just like every school day I moved between my classes not really caring about what went on around me. I can honestly say that I have only two real friends at this school and the rest are just classmates. Danny is one of my friends. My other friend is Sue Helliocus. It’s no surprise that the three of us became friends. Danny is from the northern part of Italy, while Sue is from Greece. We are all outsiders to the other students.
When lunchtime rolled around the three us gathered at our normal table. Sue was the first one to say anything. “Alright Ashley. You’ve been walked around all day with a massive case of bitch face. The only time you get like this is when something has happened between you and your mother?”
“She started hounding me first thing this morning. She wants me to be baptized under the full moon this Friday. She even went so far as to play the dad card.” I told her honestly.
“Oh damn. She really must want you to be baptized.” Sue gasped. Not surprising that she would sympathize with me. Her mother belonged to the same coven as my mom. “Don’t worry it’s nothing big. You’re not selling your soul.”
“I don’t understand the big deal. I was baptized and nothing happened.” Danny told us. “The priest makes the sign of the cross on your forehead with water. Saying that your sins have been washed away.”
“It’s not the same for Druids or Wiccans, Danny. Trust me you wouldn’t find the same rituals in our baptisms.” Sue told him before turning to me. “Ash I know you’re not really into Wicca or Druidism, but this is a big deal for your mother. You’ll be the first warlock in her family line.”
“Sorry about this Sue but I really don’t care what my mom or her coven wants. I don’t know how many times I’ve told her. Until I see real definable proof that there is a God or Goddess. I’ll remain agnostic.” I told my friends. “I mean I know that there is something out there, but until you can show me proof that there is a guiding hand behind it. I’m not putting my faith in some great all-knowing god. The only reason I going through the baptism is to make my mother happy.”
“About time you saw the light brother Ashley. Will you be joining us for our morning prayer meetings?” Asked the one person I had no use for form behind me. Tyler Reynolds, Varsity football Quarterback and team captain, Student Council President, Leader for the Young Christens, and oldest son of Minister Jacob Reynolds. He’s all that and not to mention the biggest pain in my ass.
“Who asked for your two cents Tyler?” I snarled.
“I was only offering to act as a guide and mentor in your journey on the path of Christianity Ashley.” Tyler snorted then turned to his usual tactic of playing to the crowd. “Why not join my father’s church? We welcome everyone who has turned to the path of righteousness.”
“The day I step foot into that temple of hypocrisy your father calls a church is the day that God himself anoints your father as his messiah.” I snarled. “You know something I wouldn’t be surprised if that actually happened.”
“My father is a truly righteous man. I could see the Lord Almighty appointing him to lead us into a new era of peace and enlightenment.” Tyler said proudly.
“That’s not what I mean. Your father and his hate for anyone who does not follow his twist interpretation of the bible. Is a perfect example of what is wrong with organized religion of any faith.” I told Tyler as I stood up. I knew what was coming and didn’t want to be sitting down for his punch.
Just as I expected. Tyler lost his temper, and he threw his trademark right hook. Now, unlike most of the students in this school. I was actually trained in how to fight. Only I was trained in a martial art that wasn’t taught to most civilians. My old boarding school was a military academy, and all of my instructors were British SAS or SBS veterans. Before Tyler could even connect I had him on the ground with his arm bent behind his back.
Once I had him down on the floor I leaned down and whisper into his ear. “Let me make this clear for you Reynolds. I have forgotten more ways in how to kill a man than you’ll ever learn. You come at me again. I will end your sorry worthless pathetic life, and not even your god will stop me.”
“You’re breaking my arm.” Tyler grunted.
“No, I’m not. If I was breaking your arm. It would have already snapped in four places.” I snarled. “Now get the fuck away from me and stay away.”
“You’ll pay for this, James.” Tyler snarled as he got up holding his arm. “When my father hears about this attack.”
I didn’t care as I grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him in close as I snarled. I don’t know where the rage came from or where the power to instill fear came from. At the time I didn’t care. “Go ahead and tell your daddy, dickless. Because if you or any of his fucked up little minions come after me. I will wage a war the likes of which you have only heard of the bible.”
Needless to say, Tyler much to my surprise showed an a rather uncommon amount of brains just then. He actually ran from me. As he moved through the crowded cafeteria his departure was met with a round of applause. Tyler and his crowd of fundamentalist assholes weren’t well liked by most of the student body. The only reason they were even allowed in the school was because of the Vice Principal. The man was a member of Reverend Reynolds’ church.
“Damn Ash. You got a real hardon hate for God.” Danny snarked.
“I don’t hate God Danny. I just can’t stand organized religions. I don’t care if it’s Christianity, Islam, Judaism, or some other type of organized religion. They’re all the same. Do you know that there have been more lives lost in the name of God than for any other reason?” I asked him.
“I never really thought about it, Ashley.” Danny answered honestly.
“Trust me Danny. Ashley is only telling the you half the truth. If you asked my mom or my aunt they would give you an earful.” Sue told him.
“Look guys I’ll see you later. I need some air.” I told them and left the cafeteria. They knew where I was heading. I hadn’t taken two steps through the Vice Principal’s door when the asshole confronted me about getting into it with Tyler. For my troubles I got suspended for the next month.
Chapter 3
Talk with my uncle.
Thursday evening. 0530 pm. One day to the next full moon.
“Ashley would you care to tell me why you decided to beat the hell out of the local shithead’s son?” Uncle Raphael asked me as he walked into my room.
“Let’s just say that he didn’t like someone telling him the facts of life.” I told Uncle Ralf bluntly. Then sighed at the look he gave me. “I was talking with Danny and Sue about my baptism tomorrow night.”
“Naturally he thought you were talking about a Christian baptism.” Uncle Ralf said with a sigh. “You just had to correct him.”
“It didn’t go exactly like that, but you’re close enough. It didn’t turn violent until he threw the first punch.” I told him honestly. Then grinned at the look he gave me. “What can I say? It’s not my fault none of these country hicks know how to fight.”
“Did you have to twist the boy’s arm half off?” Uncle Ralf asked frowning.
“Yup. I want to get the point across to the golden boy that not everyone buys into his father’s holier than thu bullshit. We both know that I could have killed the stupid fucker if I wanted to.” I told him with a grin.
“That is beside the point Ashley. You promised me that you won’t use what you were taught at Greystoke in a fight.” Uncle Ralf snapped.
“No, you only asked me not to use what I know. I never said that I wouldn’t. I only said that I would think about it. If you think I’m going to let some dumbass beat the shit out of me. You’re fucking crazy Uncle Ralf.” I told him bluntly then grinned. “At least now they know to leave me alone.”
“You really don’t understand the situation here Ashley. That Preacher has been painting your mother and her coven as the Great Evil for this community. He’s been doing it for the last three years. Thanks to your little stunt he’ll have even more ammunition for coming after your mother.” Ralf snapped.
“Let the asshole come. If he wants a war. I’ll give him one.” I snarled. “I suggest that if you have any sway with the Reynolds family. That you use it. Because if they come after me or my mom. I’ll do more than burn their church.”
“You’ll burn down their homes.” Uncle Ralf finished my threat for me. “With them inside while eating popcorn.”
“You only left out the part where I’ll leave their asses tied to the family dinner table.” I told him with a grin.
“If I didn’t know who your mother and father were. I would swear that you were the son of Ares and Athena.” Uncle Ralf chuckled. “But I actually do know who your parents are. Which makes your attitude towards the local Holy Roller preacher all the more understandable.”
“Uncle Ralf do you actually know who my father is?” I asked him in surprise.
“I’ve known Luc my entire life. We actually grew up together.” He told me with a small smile.
“Can you tell me if he would actually want me to go through with this baptism? I mean I know that mom said he would.” I said only to stop before finishing.
“Your father is many things Ashley. I can honestly tell you that he would want you to be baptized. He is a very faithful man. He doesn’t always agree with the Big Guy upstairs.” Uncle Ralf told me with a chuckle as he put his hand on my shoulder. “But he does believe in him.”
“Okay I go through with the baptism. I just don’t understand what the big deal is about me being baptized.” I complained.
“Just know that it is Ashley.” Uncle Ralf told me softly. “As for the Preacher and his family. I’ll be sure to pass along your warning, but don’t expect them to just back off. They’ll most likely send someone around to try and put the fear of God in you.”
“Uncle Ralf I suggest that you be as persuasive as possible with them. Because next time. I will do more than just twist an arm.” I snarled and stood up. “I will fill body bags. Starting with Tyler.”
“I was right. You are most definitely your father’s child.” Uncle Ralf chuckled as he patted me on the shoulder.
Chapter 4
Baptized in my father’s name.
Friday 11:45 pm. Night of the full moon.
I couldn’t believe the bullshit mom put me through when I got home after school. First was the two hour long bath in cold water. This was followed by her rubbing me down in virgin olive oil. After that was the pure cotton pants and shirt she dressed me in. The kicker was, she didn’t let me wear underwear. The final piece of my outfit for the night was a pair of leather sandals. After that she took her own bath and dressed in a cotton long sleeve floor length dress with sandals.
We left the house shortly after 11:00pm. Forty minutes later we pulled into the driveway of Ellen Elkwood’s farm on the other side of town. As we parked in front of their Pennsylvania style bank barn I had to wonder how the hundred year old barn was still standing. As we stepped from our car I heard the sounds of wood flutes, deerskin drums, and someone chanting. I looked over at mom with questioning eyes.
“The coven has gathered. That is the sounds of the gathering song. My sisters are calling for the Goddess Danu and warding off the God Donn.” Mom explained.
“Okay what does that mean?” I asked her.
“You will find out shortly.” Mom told me as she led the way around the barn and into the open field beyond. In the middle of the field was a massive bonfire with people dancing around it. As we neared the outer edge of the bonfire I noticed that no one was wearing any clothes. I looked over in surprise as mom began to unbutton her dress.
“Mom what are you doing?” I asked her in surprise. As I had never attended one of her gatherings. I didn’t know what really went on here. I wasn’t like Sue. She had actually been coming to these things since she turned thirteen.
“To enter the circle, one must bear all before the Mother Goddess Danu.” Mom told me as she dropped her dress to the ground. As she stood there naked as the day she was born mom smiled. “It is why we are all skyclad.”
“Skyclad? Don’t you mean naked?” I asked.
“No, I mean skyclad. There is a difference. Naked implies that you are still hiding something. While skyclad reveals all to the goddess.” Mom told me as she walked into the light of the bonfire. “Come in when you’re ready.”
“Great, just great. The first time I’ll be naked before a girl that I actually like, and it will be in public for my freaky baptism.” I grumbled as I pulled of my shirt and kicked off my sandals.
“Think about this way at least you might get a preview of her goods if things go right.” A man said as he walked up beside me. When I looked over at him I realized that he was already skyclad. As much as I wanted to hate this guy I couldn’t. He had this air about him that just made you want to like the old guy. “I must say that I’m surprised by your mother, young man.”
“Why do you say that?” I asked as I shucked my pants.
“Lilly is unconventional in her faith to say the least. Her coven is one of the very few that is almost exclusively all female. The fact that she is even baptizing you in the name of her goddess is beyond amazing. Then again she would do something exactly like this as way of providing you with some protection against the forces of the Dark One. Not that you need protection from him.” The man said that last part with a small chuckle.
“What does that mean?” I asked him as I stood up straight.
“You’ll find out in good time young Ashley.” The man chuckled as he waved towards the fire. “Shall we join them?”
As we entered the light cast by the fire the music and dancing stopped. I took the time to look around and counted the number of people. Counting my mom there were thirty people present for my baptism. Doing the math in my head. That meant there were eight groups of five with each person representing one of the five great elements. I know that sounds crazy, but I do know something about my mom’s faith. When I looked for the man that had led me into the circle. For some reason he had disappeared.
“Brothers and sisters, we gather here this night to welcome one of our own.” My mother called out to her coven. “Are there any objections?”
“By what right does this boy come before us now? He has never shown any interest in our believes before.” Demanded one woman.
“By the same right that all of us have. He seeks the same blessing that you yourself were gifted with Sister Agnes of the Winter Snow.” Mom answered the woman coldly. “Or would you turn away ALL potential followers of the way?”
When the woman didn’t answer my mother she smiled. “Brothers and sisters I present to you Ashley Mitchel James. Son of Lilith Mary James.”
“Who is the boy’s father?” One woman called out. As much as I wanted to get this farce over with I wanted to know the answer to this question even more. I was actually surprised at the way my mother was acting. There was something about them wanting to know who my father was that upset her.
“Would the name of the father change how we baptize my child?” Mom asked her sharply. “We have never asked for the names of parents before.”
“Because until now it has never been a concern, Sister Lilith. We cannot in good faith allow your child to be baptized without the father’s consent.” The woman told my mother honestly.
“I will testify to the father’s consent.” Said the man who walked up to the fire with me. I was surprised that he was on the far side of the circle now.
“Thank you Lucas.” The woman said before turning back to my mom. “Please proceed Sister Lilith. The hour is but moments away.”
“Step into the ring of truth Ashley.” She told me pointing at the circle of white sand in the middle of the light. Not knowing what else to do I followed my mother’s directions and stepped into the sandy white circle. As I stood in the center another woman walked up to my mother holding a tray with five bowls of paint. I could tell that each bowl held a different could of paint.
“I call upon the Spirits of Earth. Bless with child with your bounty.” Mom called out as she picked up the brush and using the brown paint to draw a symbol of fertility over the base of my penis.
“Come Spirits of Earth.” The coven called out. As their words died the bonfire seemed to glow brighter.
“I call upon the Spirits of Water. Bless this child with long life.” Mom called out using a different brush, and the blue paint this time to draw the symbol of long life in the center side of my chest.
“Come Spirits of the Water.” The coven called out. This I was sure that the fire actually started to glow brighter for some reason.
“I call upon the Spirits of Fire. Bless this child with the Spark of Passion.” Mom called out as she painted the symbol for love over my heart in red.
“Come Spirits of Fire.” The coven called out. This time the fire seemed to grow not only brilliance but in height.
“I call upon the Spirits of Wind. Bless this child with the Voice of Wisdom.” Mom called out as she used blue paint to draw the symbol a reason on my throat. The only reason I knew it was the symbol for reason is because I could feel the outline as she drew it.
“Come Spirits of the Wind.” The coven called out. When mom changed the brush for the last time. The bonfire blazed higher than ever before. As if someone dumped several gallons of gas onto.
“I call upon the Eternal Spirit of Magic. Bless this child with your power.” Mother called out as she used the white paint to draw a symbol on my forehead.
“Come Spirit of Magic!” The coven called out once more. This time I actually felt that power slam into me. It was so powerful that it drove me to my knees in almost unbearable pain. It felt like two massive knives were being driven into my back between my shoulder blades.
I knew then and there that magic was real. Only this magic had a very demonic feel to it. Yet there was also a heavenly feel to the magic at the same time. As I looked up at my very shocked mother I realized that something massive was happening behind me. There was another massive surge of power, followed by the bonfire flaring to over 50ft in the air. Unlike the last four times the fire didn’t die down and a mystical portal opened in the center of the fire. To my utter shock a winged figure stepped through a portal in the fire.
“By the Goddess!” Mom gasped as she stumbled away from me. With her out of the way the winged figure stepped in front of me.
“Raise child of my blood. Claim thy heritage.” The winged figure told me. I struggled to stand because something was sticking out the center of my back. Whatever it was, it was throwing off my balance.
“Care to give me a hand here mom?” I asked my mother who was currently kneeling off to the side of the circle.
“You must stand on your own Ashley. I cannot help you now. Your father has blessed you with his heritage.” Mom told me in an awe filled voice.
“Thanks a lot, mom. I won’t be in this situation if you had left me alone.” I snarled and in my anger surged to my feet. That was when I noticed that I was staring eye to chest with the winged figure in front of me.
This person must have been extremely tall, or I had lost a several inches in height. Now that I was standing and could actually see straight. I realized that I was face to chest with an angel. Not just any angle, but an Archangel.
“Such raw power.” The Archangel whispered as he caressed my cheek. “I can feel more than my power within you, child. Your mother’s is there as well.”
“Not to sound like too big of a fucking asshole, but are you an Archangel?” I asked. I already knew the answer, but for some reason my brain was rejecting what my eyes were telling it at that time.
“I am no ordinary Archangel child. I am the first of HIS angels. I am Lucifer Morningstar, the Light bringer. Along with a few other titles.” He told me with a chuckle. “I am also your father.”
“Oh shit.” I whispered as whatever was sticking out of my back twitched. Not really wanting to know what the things were I looked over my shoulder anyway. What I found sticking out of my back was a pair of wings. The feathers were blood red with jet black tips. From the looks of them they were razor sharp. I looked over at my mother in wonder. “Mom please tell me this is a dream.”
“I wish that I could Ashley. This is really happening.” She told me as she knelt before Lucifer. “And Lucifer Morningstar is your father.”
“How long have you known?” I asked in a soft voice.
“From the first day our courtship. Just short of seventeen years now.” Mom told me honestly before looking up at Lucifer. “Though he wasn’t supposed to just pop up like this. I thought we had an agreement Lucy?”
“Lucy?! What the fuck?! Over!” I gasped as mom slowly climbed to her feet.
“I’ve called your father Lucy for a long time now, Ashley.” Mom snarled. I could tell that she was pissed and wasn’t going to back down. “Well! I’m waiting for an answer dipshit!”
“I invited him Lily.” Lucas said as he joined the three of us. He looked over at Lucifer and held out his hand. “Good to see you brother.”
“Good to see you as well Leviathan. Thank you for informing me of this little ritual.” Lucifer told the man my mom had called Lucas.
“Oh no you didn’t?!” Mom screeched as she got in Lucifer’s face. “Damn it Lucy! We had a deal! NO interference between either side! Remember!”
“Peace Lilith. Lucifer only placed me here when Gabriel violated the accord by sending Hadramiel to watch over Ashley in his new school.” Lucas told us.
“What the fuck is going on here mom?” I demanded.
“Perhaps I can answer that question.” Uncle Ralf said as he stepped into the light of the fire. It wasn’t until he was fully within the light of the fire that I saw the golden wings jutting out of his back. He wasn’t alone there were six other angels with him. I could tell by the power flowing off these newcomers that they were all Archangels or higher.
These eight angels were the same level as Lucifer. That could only mean that that seven of them were the Seven Heavenly Virtues and the Governor General Michael the Archangel. The other seven Archangels were Hadramiel, Gabriel, Raphael, Sandalphon, Metatron, Sariel, and Uriel. The real kick in the ass is I knew each one of them. The WTF thought ran through my head twice coming up with the same conclusion of this does not compute.
“Holy shit! Are all of the adults in my life mother fucking angels?” I moaned as I realized where I had seen Lucas and Hadramiel before tonight. Lucas was one of the teachers at my school and Hadramiel was one of the school’s custodians. Then to my surprise seven more people stepped into the firelight.
These new people were also angels but of the Fallen variety like Lucifer. Only these were Lucifer’s Princes of Hell or the Seven Mortal Sins. Going from tallest to shortest there was Satan, Belial, Asmodeus, Astaroth, Mammon, Belphegor, and Beelzebub and every last one of them is just as powerful as their Heavenly counterpart. Talk about your heavy hitters.
“Seeing as how the Virtues and Sins have gathered here on this night. I guess that it is time to answer a few questions.” Lucifer chuckled then turned serious as he turned to face the Archangel Michael. “Starting with why you and the Host have continuously interfered in family matters dear brother?”
“We were only trying to give your child a chance at a Heavenly reward.” Uriel said only to have a bolt of lightning strike the ground in front of him.
“DO NOT EVEN TRY LYING TO ME URIEL!” Lucifer ordered in a booming voice filled with more than just his anger. For some reason I knew that lying to Lucifer would have dire consequences. “If you don’t want to end the Truce here and now Michael. You will answer my question.”
I didn’t know how was going on or what this truce Lucifer was talking about, but for some reason I knew that breaking it now would be bad. I’m talking about End of the World, Armageddon bad. The kick in the head I knew that whatever was going was because of me. “Okay hold on here people.”
“Stay out of this child. This matter concerns concepts that a mortal raised child wouldn’t understand.” Gabriel ordered me.
“Fuck you asshole.” I snarled as my need to beat the shit out of some asshole in desperate of a life altering beatdown flared. In my anger my wings flexed, my fingernails turned into six inch claws, while fangs stretched from between my lips. “You might be an Archangel, but I’m pretty sure that I can fuck up your sorry worthless ass.”
To my surprise the Seven Heavenly Virtues took a step back. Michael just chuckled and smiled. “It seems that your child’s Word is Vengeance Lucifer.”
“Indeed. I would say that it has more than a little to do with my child’s uncommon family heritage. Michael might I make a suggestion?” Lucifer said as he stared at me with more than a little surprise. “Lilith would it be possible to use your living room for natural grounds?”
“Not no, but Hell NO!” Mom snarled as she got in Lucifer’s face again before turning on Michael. “And YOU! Just what the HELL do you think you’re doing? I know that you were not invited to this ceremony, Mikey. That means you have no reason for being here in this place of the Goddess Danu. You know the Goddess that your followers have demonized.”
“We have every right to be here whore. We have come to save the immortal soul of your child.” Gabriel snarled only to Michael punch him in the head. It was only Michael’s quick reaction that stopped me from tearing into the asshole angel then and there.
“Belittle Lucifer’s wife again Gabriel and I won’t intervein on your behalf.” Michael snarled as he pulled his subordinate up by the scruff of his neck. “I highly doubt that you have gained enough power to stand up to our brother’s child let alone our brother in a one on one battle.”
“Okay everybody needs to chill the fuck out.” I shouted as I quickly realized that someone needed to act as a Mediator. “Why don’t we just have this sit down right here? As it is, all the members of my mother’s coven have run for the hills. Not surprising with the way, you shitheads have been acting.”
“Ashley this ground is consecrated in the name of the Goddess Danu.” Michael said as if it was the most important and obvious thing in the world.
“So, fucking what?” I snarked then grinned at their confusion at my disrespect of the Devine. “Think about it. You need a neutral site for your get together. If I’m not mistaken it also needs to be consecrated.”
“Ashley does have a point Michael. This is the one place in all of Ohio that wouldn’t piss off Father.” Lucifer told him.
“Agreed, but only if Lilith grants us permission.” Michael said nodding.
“I’ll grant permission on one condition. You tell me exactly which one of you assholes broke the agreement first?” Mom snarled. I could tell that she was still pissed off over something.
“I did. What of it mortal?” Gabriel snapped.
“Then in the name of the Goddess I forbid you entry.” Mom snapped. No sooner had the words left her mouth than the Archangel Gabriel vanished. Mom smiled at seeing this happen. “Now you can have your parlay.”
“You always did have a flare for the dramatic Lily.” Lucifer chuckled before turning to Michael. “Well, brother. Are you going to answer my question?”
“The answer is simple brother. If you remember our deal correctly. Should your child ever be baptized. They would face judgement. We have come here in our duty to pass that judgement.” Michael told us.
“What judgement?” I demanded. “The last time I looked. I haven’t handed over my soul to either side. By your own rules you cannot judge me.”
“That is where you are wrong Ashley. As the Seven Heavenly Virtues we are charged with the judgement of all angels.” Michael told me.
“Ah but that is where you are wrong. I may be half angel, but I am still half human. That means I have something you don’t. It’s a little thing called free will and a human soul. Which means you that you have no authority to judge me.” I told the Archangel with a grin.
“That is not exactly true Ashley.” Lucifer told me. “Normally what you said would be true. If it were not for your mother.”
“Excuse me but what does that mean?” I asked.
“Ashley, I want you to think about my name for a minute. Use the religiously historical meaning behind it.” Mom told me.
“Mom if you’re talking about that all legend of Lilith being Adam’s first wife I’m not buying it. You would have to be immortal.” I told her.
“No, I’m not immortal Ashley. Just a direct descendant of hers.” Mom told me as she unfolded a pair of dragon wings from her back. “You see Ashley. You are not half human but half dragoniod, and half fallen angel.”
“Oh shit.” I whispered. Mom’s little show-n-tell just changed the situation. I knew from my self-study of the ancient legends that Archangels did have the authority to sit in judgement of dragonoids. With me being both half dragoniod and half fallen angel meant they had the authority to pass judgement on me. Talk about a fucked situation.
“Get to the point Michael. What do you want?” Lucifer demanded.
“Before your child can assume their rightful place at your side. They must pass a set of trials. Fourteen in all.” Michael told us with a grin.
“One for each virtue and sin. All designed to test my child’s true nature.” Mom said with a heavy sigh then snarled. “Damn you all to the darkest pits of the Abyss. We had a deal. No interference from either side.”
“Things have changed Lilith. The treaty between Heaven and Hell that we have worked so hard to protect is being threatened by outside forces that want Chaos to rule. Your child can be used by those forces to upset the balance that we have strived so hard to protect. So long as he remains natural he is a threat to that balance.” Michael told her. “Your child must be judged.”
“Let me get this straight. Because some assholes are threatening your peace treaty you’re here to judge me. Well, you can go fuck yourselves. I won’t chose a side. The only person I answer to is me.” I snarled only to have both Lucifer and Michael laugh. “What are they laughing about mom?”
“You just reminded your father and uncle of the one thing that all non-supernatural beings have that they do not. Free-will is an amazing thing. A gift bestowed on us by the Gods.” Lilith told him honestly. “Remember this fact during your upcoming trials Ashley. It will be the only thing that will allow you to keep your humanity. You might be the child of a dragonoid and angel, but you were born like myself. Not created by one of the gods.”
“What would happen if I refused to part take in these trials?” I asked.
“They will happen with or without your consent Ashley.” Mom told me honestly as she glared at Michael and Lucifer. “Both Heaven and Hell will challenge your sense of self. How you react to those challenges will decide which side will have control over your power.”
“Yeah well. They can both kiss my ass. I’m out of here.” I snarled then glared at both my father and uncle. “This mediation is over. Goodbye daddy. It was nice meeting you after all this time but do me a favor. Stay gone and out of life. The same goes for you Uncle Mikey. Oh, and Uncle Ralf. If I see your sorry ass any time soon. I’ll fill it with rock salt.”
With that I stormed off as my mother just sighed and the angels laughed. As I dressed I overheard mom telling off Lucifer and Michael. “I suggest that you put your plans for Ashley in the trashcan gentlemen. He won’t participate in your trials. No matter what you want.”
“He doesn’t have a choice Lilith. I suggest that you explain this to him using clear and precise words. Because for every trial he refuses to part take in. He will paid a price.” Michael warned her.
“My people will withdraw our trials Lilith.” Lucifer told her before turning to Michael. “Do us both a favor brother. Stop this foolishness now before you make an enemy of my child. Because he won’t hold back. I have watched over him from a distance. He is slow to anger, but once that anger is unleashed even I fear his Word.”
Chapter 5
A frank talk with mom.
Saturday, 01:35.
I don’t know what happened after that point because I was too busy with more immediate concerns. Namely how was I going to hide three very distinctive appendages that most people don’t have. Namely wings and a tail. That’s right I said tail. I was a little too busy earlier, to notice that I had grown a tail on top of wings while dealing with my father and the angels.
“Flex your shoulder muscles while folding them against your back.” Mom told me as she walked up to me. “Don’t worry your dragon tail will withdraw at the same time as your wings. Here watch me.”
I watched my mother closely as she turned her back to me. Until now I hadn’t realized that she also had a tail. She folded her wings back against her spine then flexed her shoulder muscles. To my surprise her wings disappeared into hidden folds of skin along her back. Her tail curled up and slipped into a pocket just above her hips. Taking a deep breath, I followed her example. It felt wired as my wings and tail disappeared into my back.
“Thanks mom.” I told her as I pulled on my pants and shirt. “Mom were you ever going to tell me that you were a dragonoid?”
“Honestly Ashley, no. I was hoping that you never came into your heritage. As either a dragonoid or angel. It was my hope that by baptizing you in the name of Mother Goddess Danu it would seal away your heritage.” Mom told me as she pulled on her dress and sandals. “Things didn’t go the way I planned.”
“Ya’ think?!” I snarked before reigning in my smartass bone. “Sorry mom.”
“You’re forgiven Ashley. I should have told what I was trying to do. Hell, I should have told you about all of this.” She told me with a smile.
“No biggie mom. Even if you had told me about all of this. I wouldn’t have believed you.” I told her honestly. “Can we continue this at home?”
“Sure honey.” As we drove home we had no traffic. Not surprising as it was almost two in the morning. Once we were home and inside the house mom did something I wasn’t expecting. She stripped in the middle of the living room then displayed her wings and tail. “Ah. I feel so much more comfortable. Go on honey. So long as you’re at home you can be your true self.”
Not knowing what else to do, I followed her example. As I flexed my shoulder muscles my tail and wings extended. To my surprise I did feel more comfortable with them on display. The feeling of relief made me feel guilty.
“How long have you been waiting until I went to bed each night just so you could relax mom?” I asked.
“Since you were three Ashley. When you were a baby you used to play with my tail.” Mom giggled then turned sad. “I had to start hiding what I was when you started talking. I was afraid that you would spill my secret.”
“Okay, I can understand your reasons for that mom.” Told her as I looked at the floor in shame. “Still, you should have shown me sooner mom.”
“I thought about telling you more than once. There were even a few times where you almost caught me.” Mom told me with a chuckle then asked with a toothy grin. “You want to see a full transformation Ashley?”
“What do you mean a full transformation mom?” I asked in confusion.
“This is not my true form.” She told me as her skin was covered in bright red scales, and a pair of horns grew from her forehead. Those weren’t the only changes. I watched as her feet shifted so that she was standing on the balls of feet and toes. Only her toes were now claws as were her fingers. With the exception of her face my mother looked a mixture of a human woman and a European dragon. “This is my true form.”
“Holy shit.” I gasped and slowly walked around her. Everywhere I looked I didn’t see my mother. I saw this sexy humanoid dragon. “Mom I know this is going to sound disrespectful, but do you think I can do that?”
“I’m sorry Ashley, but no. You see you’re only half dragonoid. Your angel half blocks the full transformation. It is why you have a dragonoid’s tail with an angel’s wings. Thou that might change as the trials progress.” Mom told me wearily. “And yes the Heaven Virtues are going to test you Ashley. They don’t care about your feelings in this matter.”
“What is their major malfunction mom? What part of leave me alone don’t they understand? Wasn’t I clear about not taking sides?” I snarled.
“Ashley it is their duty to test and judge all supernatural beings. The most powerful are angels, fallen angels, devils, and dragonoids. Until you were born most half dragonoids were half human and had now power at all. Because of this fact they were never tested. Because you’re half fallen angel you’re a very real threat to the hierarchies in both Heaven and Hell. Mostly because of the blood that runs through your veins. As a direct descendant of Lilith your power was already dangerous. When you add in your father’s blood. Things get complicated.” Mom told me.
“Complicated she says.” I sighed then chuckled. “Okay mom let’s back up things up a little bit. First, how is it you’re a descendant of Lilith? I thought that all of her children were succubae. Or did I miss something?”
“You missed a big something. While Lilith was Adam’s first wife and banished from the Garden. She was not human in the traditional sense. During Lilith’s later wonderings she came across the dragons. In her loneliness she transformed herself into a dragon. In the hopes of finding a life mate. Which she did. With her first clutch she gave birth to dragonoids.” Mom told me with a sad smile. “Unlike her other children we were not cursed to walk the world as demons. We were also imbued with freewill. As such we are mortal. Mortals with incredibly long lives.”
“How long?” I asked her.
“Let’s just say that I was a teenager during the American Civil War.” Mom told me with smirk. At my look of shock my giggled. “Ashley dragonoids are still dragons. Despite our humanoid appearance most of the time. Believe it or not Ashley by my race’s standards I’m barely middle aged.”
“Holy shit mom.” I gasped then my smart ass bone just had to kicked in. “You know mom for a middle aged woman. You’re still a MILF.”
“Why thank you darling.” Mom smirked much to my confusion. “Ashley there is one thing you should know about dragonoids and dragons in general. We’re an extremely vain race kiddo. Why do you think you’ve never had any problems with humility. Then again, you got nothing to be embarrassed about. I must say. Even for a dragonoid you’re rather well endowed.”
“I think I can honestly said that I inherited that from my father.” I told her with a smirk of my own. “Thou I am wondering about not being embarrassed with being naked in front of those Archangels and Fallen Angels earlier.”
“That is your father’s influence. After all His Word is Pride.” Mom chuckled.
“Okay mom what exactly is a Word? The way you and Michael used the term. I don’t think it means the same thing as normal.” I asked her in confusion.
“Archangels are all associated with what is known as a Word of Power. Examples of these are Pride, Hope, Wrath, and Love. All Words of Power are defined by emotions at the time of an angel’s birth. In your case. The most prominent emotion at the time of your rebirth was a desire for vengeance. You wanted to punish Gabriel for insulting me. Thus, your Word of Power is Vengeance.”
“Is that why my feathers are more like weapons than actual feathers?” I asked her after a little thought.
“Most likely. In many ways your dragonoid heritage affected your rebirth. We are a prickly race to begin with. Much like our cousins.” Mom explained for me. “Though to tell the truth. Unlike actual dragons, dragonoids are a very warlike race. We live for conflict.”
“So, being associated with the Word vengeance is a good thing in my case?” I asked mom in confusion.
“Normally I wouldn’t say no. However, in your case having Vengeance as your Word of Power is a good thing. As a half dragonoid you will be naturally drawn to battle. The main reason behind most fights taking place is because of one side offending another.” Mom explained for me. “Why do you think you were most often picked as the student mediator at your school? Because you innately understand the need for combat.”
“I never really thought about it mom. I mean sure I’ve always been able to talk most people into seeing reason, but there have always been times when some asshole that want to push matters with me.” I told her as I sat down on the footstool. “I do have a question. Would me being half dragonoid give me an affinity for the martial arts?”
“It is a natural ability for our kind. Though as a rule we do tend to avoid openly displaying our combat prowess. Which was why Raphael tried to extract that promise from you. That’s something else you need to be care of doing. Especially now that you have come into your heritage. As a supernatural creature promises are the same thing as a binding spell.” Mom told me as she stretched out on the lounger.
“Is that why I always felt a distrust of making promises? Especially ones that I knew I wouldn’t or couldn’t keep.” I asked her.
“Most probably.” She told me.
“Thanks mom. I know that the Seven Heavenly Virtues are going to test me. What can I look forward to?” I asked.
“They will each devise a test that revolves around their Word.” Mom told me before explaining what that meant. Needless to say, I wasn’t happy.
“Mom what would happen if I refused to participate?” I asked her.
“You won’t have a choice dear. If you refused to participate you will automatically fail. As a result, you and I will be cast down into the pits of Hell with your father.” She told me.
“Why would you be punished for something I did?” I asked her.
“One of the Ten Commandments is Honor thy Mother and Father. Because your Father is the Archangel Lucifer and is already in Hell. I am the one who is held responsible for your actions.” She explained.
“In other words, we’re in a Catch twenty-two of Mythological proportions.” I sighed. “The only question is which one of the Virtues will challenge me first. Going in order of lowest to highest it should be Sariel the archangel of the virtue of Kindness.”
“They won’t come at you in order. It will be decided by a roll of God’s Dice kiddo. Contrary to Albert Einstein the Big Guy does love to gamble with the fates of those beneath Him.” Mom told me then chuckled at my blank look. “Sorry old family joke. One that you had to be there for.”
“Whatever mom.” I sighed then yawned. “Damn I haven’t been up this late in a long time. At least I have a better grasp of what is going on. I just wish I had some kind of warning before this all started.”
“That was one of the conditions in the deal I struck with Lucifer and Michael. I was never to reveal your true nature.” Mom explained for me.
“Mom what was this deal you keep talking about?”
“It all goes back to the day I found out that I was pregnant. Michael and Lucifer appeared before me outside of my OB/GYN’s office. Michael wanted me to give you up to the Church for them to raise you. Needless to say, your father Lucifer wasn’t about to let that happen. Lucifer want to have one of his most trusted human servants raise you. To end their argument. I proposed an alternative. I would raise you with no interference by either side. They both agreed but with conditions. One of which was that I was to never reveal my true nature to you. Another was to keep your true nature hidden. If there was ever a danger of you discovering your true nature I was to seal away your power.” She told me with a heavy sigh.
“Then my baptism was actually an attempt to seal my power?” I asked her.
“Yes. Only for some reason the spell failed.” She sighed. “I just don’t know why. I spent months preparing that spell.”
“I think I know why mom. Remember when Archangel Michael said that outside forces are working towards upsetting the balance?” I asked her.
“There is always some powerful supernatural dipshit trying to restart the war between Heaven and Hell.” Mom snarked.
“That is beside the point mom. During the ceremony I felt a power that wasn’t aligned with either Heaven or Hell interfering. I could feel it actually forcing my true nature to emerge.” I told her.
“Can you describe this power?” Mom asked me.
“Not really. It was unlike anything I felt from either Lucifer and his Sins or Michael and his Virtues. It felt like an unnatural combination of both sin and virtue. Does that make any sense?” I told her.
“It was the Mother Goddess Danu. She abhors those who would hide their true selves. I should have known better.” She told me before yawning. “Damn look at the time. It’s almost four in the morning. Look why don’t we pick this up later. After we’ve both gotten some sleep.”
“Sounds good to me. See you in the morning mom.” As I stood up, heading for the stairs. I stopped when I noticed that she was curling up on the lounger. “Are you going to sleep there mom?”
“It takes me a while to revert to my human form after a full transformation. It’s just easier for me to sleep down here. It’s one of the reasons you’ve found me asleep on the lounger some mornings.” She told me with a grin. “I would suggest that you sleep on the floor tonight. At least until you get used to the idea of having wings and a tail now.”
“Okay… what does that mean?” I asked her.
“With those feathers you stand a good chance of shredding your mattress.” Mom told me as she pointed to my wings then towards my tail. “That barb on the end of your tail isn’t there for looks kiddo. It is a real weapon. One that can kill an angel or devil. It is strong enough and sharp enough to punch through the side of a tank with a causal flick of your tail.”
“Oh man. Any other tips?” I asked her.
“That is enough for tonight. Come down when you’re ready.” Mom told and rolled onto her stomach. I wanted to chuckle as she pulled her legs up to her chest and wrapped her tail around them. In seconds she was asleep.
-----tbc-----
To all of the readers here at BC. I am sorry for my long absence. As a few of you know I have been dealing with a sensitive health issue in RL involving my daughter. She now on the mend and I'm back to writing. I may not return to Elven Question for a while but I will return to it in the future.
What would you do if you found out that you were the child of Lucifer and what is basically an immortal woman? Will you rale against Fate? Would you curse God for who your parents were? Would you face the oncoming battle for your soul with a smile? Would you curl up in a ball and hope that it was all a dream? That is the problem facing one young man as his reality changes.
Chapter 6
The day after.
Sunday, 10:45am
I took her advice about sleeping on the floor. When I woke this morning the blanket I used to cover up with was a shredded pile of rags. “Damn it. That was my favorite D-n-D blanket. I should have used one of the plain ones that mom stored in the hall closet.”
“I see that you found one of the hazards of sleeping with your wings and tail extended.” Mom said with a chuckle as she entered my room. At my look of frustration, she just grinned. “It’s a rite of passage that all dragonoids go through Ashley. Over time you’ll learn how to sleep with them and not destroy your bedding.”
“How long did it take you mom?” I asked her as I stood up.
“Just short of five or was six decades.” Mom hummed to herself as I stood there with my mouth open. When she started to giggle I knew that she was going out of her way to yank my chain.
“Not cool mom.” I groaned with my eyes closed only to hear her giggle even harder. “Okay mom you’ve had your fun. Really how long did it take you?”
“Only a few weeks. Though I was a slow learned.” She told me with a grin. “Now your Uncle Joseph was the real overachiever. It only took him a week.”
“Mom, just how many brothers and sisters do you have?” I asked her.
“Let me think, there were twenty-three in my clutch. Of those nineteen hatched. I grew up with nine sisters and nine brothers. Of those only three of my sisters and two of my brothers are still alive.” She told me as I stood there trying to comprehend the fact that my mother had 18 siblings. “Though mom had another two clutches that were even larger after us.”
“Mom, just how big is your family?” I asked in amazement.
“At the last family reunion, there was close to two-hundred of us. I know that is not as large as other dragonoid families, but our family has always been more active in human affairs. Why?” She asked with a grin.
“Okay let’s take things one at a time. First you just told me that you have eighteen siblings. Second from the sounds of it. Dragonoids lay eggs like dragons. Next you tell me that most of your brothers and sisters are died. If I take what you told me last night into account. The ones who are dead, died while fighting in some war. Next I have almost two-hundred or more cousins, aunts, and uncles out there in the world. Have I missed anything yet?” I asked her then grunted. “Oh yeah. I forgot to mention that there are even bigger dragonoid families out there.”
“Come on downstairs. We’ll get some food in your belly, and some caffeine in your system. As much as I hate to say this. You’ve never been a morning person and a right little bitch without until your first cup of coffee.” Mom snarked and walked out of my bedroom. Not before saying. “Being half dragonoid doesn’t help matters.”
After I retracted my wings and tail I put on a pair of shorts then headed downstairs. I had barely stepped into the kitchen when mom handed me a mug of coffee. “Set, drink, and I’ll give you a little background on dragonoids.”
“Yes ma’am.” I mumbled as I sat down at the table. I could that she wasn’t in the mode for bullshit right now. That was when I saw the newspaper and the date. “Holy shit! Did I really sleep through Saturday?”
“Yes. Now drink your coffee while I fix you something to eat.” Mom ordered me. I watched as she set the griddle top to high and drop a 16oz T-bone steak along with 3 eggs on it. In all my years mom has never fixed me steak and eggs for breakfast. She must have seen the look on my face. “Now that you’ve come into your dragonoid heritage you’ll need the protein. The redder the better in some situations.”
“I hope you’re not talking about drinking blood mom.” I snarked. Only to have her turn thoughtful on me. “What are you thinking about mom?”
“I’ve been meaning to ask. Have you had any unusual cravings lately?” She asked me. “By unusual I mean cravings for something other than blood.”
“Wait a second mom. Is drinking blood a thing for dragonoids?” I asked.
“Depends. Usually only it’s only females who need to drink blood. Normally it starts just before we start our cycle. For males the need for blood is a sign that there are ready to mate.” Mom told me bluntly then smirked. “Why do you have your eye on some lucky little girl or boy?”
“It’s nothing like that mom. I swear. I’m just trying to understand all this shit.” I told her honestly.
“I guess you would be a little confused. The main reason I asked if you were having any strange cravings Ashley doesn’t have a simple answer. You see, cravings in dragonoids can mean many things. Like if you’re craving gold or silver it points to a dragon horde being nearby. If you’re craving blood you’re looking for a mate. A salt craving means you’re close to hibernating. A craving for sand you’ll be shedding your scales soon. Do you understand?” Mom told me as she set a plate of steak and eggs in front of me.
“Wow. So, we really are related to dragons.” I grunted as I dug into my food. In between mouthfuls I asked her all about dragonoids. I was surprised to learn that unlike dragons. Dragonoids have a greater aptitude for magic. It was one of the reasons that dragonoids were able to hide among humans. We have a natural concealment ability that hides our true nature from humans. It was the reason we were able to hide our wings and tails. The only thing that male dragonoids can’t hide is our warlike nature at times. “Is that why you were so pissed off with Uncle Ralf when he tried to wrangle that promise of no fighting out of me?”
“You have no idea of how pissed off I was that day. If he had tricked you into making that promise I would have ended his life.” Mom snarled.
“Mom just how strong are dragonoids?” I asked her.
“Only archangels, and archdevils pose any real threat to dragonoids. I could hand a smuck like your Uncle Ralf his ass in five minutes.” She told me with a nasty grin as she unfolded her wings and tail. “There is a damned good reason why angels and demons fear pissing us off.”
“Wouldn’t me being only half dragonoid dilute my magic and power?” I asked.
“Normally but your other half is angel.” Mom told me honestly.
“I’ve been meaning to ask you about that mom. Earlier from what you said. You and your siblings were hatched from eggs. Why don’t I have any brothers and sisters?” I asked her as I took a bite of my eggs.
“Normally dragonoids only have one child at a time. Sometimes though a male dragonoid mates with a female dragon. When that happens, the dragon will lay a clutch of twenty to twenty-five eggs.” Momo explained for me. “Speaking of mating. There is something else you need to know about dragonoids and dragons. When we mate it is usually for life.”
“Hold on here, mom. What do you mean by usually?” I asked her.
“There are times when a dragonoid or dragon will become sexually active for no other reason than to have a good time.” She told me with a blush.
“Is that how you and my father met? Over a one night stand?” I asked grinning.
“More like a seven months of nonstop wild sex.” Mom mumbled.
“Seven months? Nonstop?” I asked in shock.
“Honey when a dragon or dragonoid gets horny it takes a while to scratch the itch.” Mom told me with a small chuckle at my embarrassment. “That’s why we normally seek out other supernatural beings during those times. Normally because those couplings normally don’t produce offspring.”
“So, when you showed up pregnant with me. Not only did it surprise daddy dearest, but you as will.” I snarked before taking a bite of my steak.
“In more than ways than one. You need to understand something else Ashley. You might have been a surprise, but you were never unwanted. To dragons and dragonoids alike all of our children are gifts from the goddess.” Mom told me with a small smile.
“Okay mom I get it.” I told her right before I gave her a hug. “Are there any other surprises I can expect from my unusual heritage?”
“I’ll be honest with you Ashley. We are in uncharted territory. You see until you were born there has never been a half dragonoid and half archangel child.” Mom told me with a sigh.
“Mom when you said that couplings with other supernatural beings normally does result in offspring. Did you really mean almost never?” I asked her.
“Yes. That was why both your father, and I were so surprised. The last time such a coupling produced a child was between a dragonoid and a Valkyrie. That was more than seven-hundred years ago. Because of her mixed heritage Yevette became one of the most powerful Valkyries in their history. She was also the only other recorded child of mixed supernatural heritage.” Mom told me with a warm smile.
“Is that why your mother never visits mom?” I asked between bites.
“No. The main reason my mother, your grandmother, never visits is because she would draw way more attention than is advisable. After all a six-hundred foot long red dragon is kind of hard to hide.” She told me with a giggle at the look on my face. “Yes dear. Your grandmother is a dragon. She was born during the European Renaissance. I know that she modeled for Leonardo da Vinci at one point in her younger years.”
“Holy shit. Just how old is grandma?” I asked in shock.
“I think she is around six or seven hundred years old. Though I really don’t know. It is considered extremely impolite to ask a dragon their age.” Mom told me with a soft chuckled as I tried to wrap my head around the fact. “What else do you want to know about my side of the family?”
“If grandma can change her appearance to model for da Vinci. Why can’t she visit?” I asked her bluntly.
“I never said she could change her appearance. I only said she modeled for the man. Unlike me and my siblings, my mother lacks the magical ability to hide among humans as a human. Very few dragons have that ability. Only dragonoids can appear as humans. We can also assume the shape and size of a full dragon.” Mom told me with a grin then explained. “If I were to assume my full dragon form I would fill our backyard. I would show you, but it takes me three to four days before I can revert to my natural dragonoid form. With another ten to twelve hours before reverting to my normal human form.”
“Okay I wasn’t expecting that.” I told her before downing the rest of my coffee. “Mom, what can I expect from these judgements?”
“Each of the Heavenly Virtues will challenge you individually. Each challenge will be in line with their Word of Power or virtue.” I could tell that she wanted to tell me more, but we were interrupted by a crack of thunder and flash of lightning in the backyard.
“Now what?” I moaned as we both turned towards the sliding glass door. “Oh hell. Is that who I think it is mom?”
“It is. Looks like your aunts and uncles in Heaven are getting an early start on your judgement.” Mom grumbled. “Though I’m shouldn’t be surprised that Sandalphon is the first to challenge you. He is the archangel for the virtue of Diligence after all. I swear that dipshit never takes a day off.”
“Mom why do I got a feeling that he is waiting for me to step outside?” I asked her as I looked at the angel. There was something about the man that set my teeth on edge. For some reason I could tell that he was itching for a fight, and I had no problems with providing him with one.
“Because that is exactly what he is doing. Like all supernatural beings he was to be invited into our home. The only two angels that can freely enter our home are Raphael and of course Lucifer.” Mom told me.
“Well, that fuck head can just stand out there in the backyard from now until kingdom come for all I care. We go out the front door from now on.” I told mom as if that solved the problem.
“Ashley it won’t matter. Sandalphon’s Word is Diligence for a reason. Nothing escapes his notice.” When mom told me this I started to get pissed.
“Fine if fuck nuts wants to rumble. Then I’ll give him what he wants.” I snarled and stormed into the backyard before she could stop me. “HEY! SHIT HEAD! I THOUGHT TOLD YOU I WASN’T GOING TO DEAL WITH YOU MONKEY FUCKS!”
“We do not care what you want child. You will stand before us and be judged.” Sandalphon told me with all the arrogance of an archangel.
“Fine. Let’s do this.” I snarled.
Chapter 7
What is Diligence?
There was a massive flash and I found myself in the middle of a desert. As I looked around I found myself alone. I also noticed that the sand under my feet wasn’t normal sand. It was a deep almost blood red in color. I quickly sniffed the air and smelt rotten eggs. Looking up at the sun I realized that not only is it smaller and fainter. It was a bluish-white.
“Mars. The asshole dropped my ass on Mars.” I snarled then snapped around to see the very individual I wanted to pound the shit out of just them. “Very funny fuck nuts. You didn’t have to drag my ass all the way to Mars.”
“Very good child. At least you are smart enough to know that you are no longer on earth. Yet are you diligent enough to find your way through the great canals?” Sandalphon asked me.
“I thought you wanted to fight shithead. What’s with the pop quiz?” I asked.
“My test is to see if you are diligent enough to follow a righteous path.” Sandalphon told me as the ground opened beneath me. As I fell into the trench I extended my wings and tail by reflex. I quickly started to glide until I gave a downward sweep of my wings. After a beats later I was rising above the trench’s edge. I was now beyond pissed.
“I told you shithead. I won’t play your games already. Now you get to face me on my terms.” I snarled and dove towards the angel.
“You would fight me?” Sandalphon laughed as he jumped into sky avoiding me. Forcing me to adjust my attack angle. Again, Sandalphon just changed direction avoiding my attack. “Fool. I can see everything. I know what you’re going to do before you can even think of it.”
“In that case. Let’s see how you deal with someone acting on nothing but pure instinct.” I snarled and flipped over backward closing my eyes. I know this is going to sound corny, but I stretched out my feelings and felt for the angel. With that simple act I knew exactly where he would be next. Instead of attacking there I threw a punch to where he wouldn’t be. To my surprise my wild swing actually connected. I felt Sandalphon’s head snap backwards from the impact of my punch.
“My nose!” The angel scream out in pain. “You broke my nose!”
“Yup. I sure did. Now let’s see if I can kick a field goal.” I snarled before delivering a kick that any professional placekicker would be proud of, and any referee would throw a yellow flag on. I was rewarded with a high pitched scream of pain as Sandalphon’s testicles were smashed by my foot. Only then did I open my eyes. I grabbed the angel by the hair snarling. “You should know something dipshit. Your eyes can fool you. To truly be diligent you have to use all of your senses.”
“Diligence is more than just being aware of your surroundings boy.” The angel snarled as he punched me in the gut. As I bent over in pain I whip my tail around to stab him in the ass. At least that was the plan. The asshole dropped me before I could connect. “Fool. I am always aware of my opponents attacks. You might have caught me off guard with your unorthodox attacks to begin with but no more. You have lost your only advantage.”
“I’m not done yet shithead.” I snarled. I don’t know where the power came from, but I didn’t care. I just threw the massive ball of red lightning at the angel hoping it would hit. I know that I caught him off guard again but only for a second. He cut the ball of lightning in half with a massive sword.
“Very good. You’re tapping into your magic now. Though I’m not surprised to see that you have a natural inclination for magic.” Sandalphon told me as he flew further away from me and out of the fight. “I have seen enough to know that you will never be able to Diligently follow a path of righteousness.”
“What the fuck does that mean?” I snarled and hovered in place.
“Your very nature is that of violence. If you would have diligently gone along with my test you have passed. Remember Ashley that with the gift of freewill comes the responsibility of making the right choices.” He told me before waving his hand in the air. Once again there was flash of light. As I blinked the spots from my eyes I realized that we were once more in my backyard. As I looked around Sandalphon pointed his finger at my eyes. “The punishment for your failure is to be Hell’s Never Sleeping Watchdog.”
As the beam of light left Sandalphon’s finger I felt a burning behind my eyes. When I opened them Sandalphon was gone and the world around me was filled with ghosts. “Oh man. That fucking hurt.”
“I’m not surprised Ashley. Sandalphon’s Gift is not a kind one.” I had only heard the voice once before. The night of my baptism.
“Hello daddy.” I snarled snidely as I turned to face Lucifer. “What brings you up here? Wanting to take me to a Reds game?”
“Not that, that wouldn’t be fun. I haven’t been to a Reds game since their time as the Big Red Machine. No today I am here on business. I stand as here as witness to your first test. As I will be for all of the tests by your aunts and uncles.” He told me honestly.
“Well as you can see I failed. What did the asshole mean by calling me Hell’s Never Sleeping Watchdog?” I asked him.
“It doesn’t matter if you pass the other tests. You are now aligned with the powers of Hell. When Sandalphon declared you to be Hell’s Watchdog he was cursing you to spend eternity hunting down any souls that escape Hell.” Lucifer told me with a heavy sigh. “Basically, you’re now my Bounty hunter.”
“Damn. Can this day get any more fucked up?” I grumbled.
Chapter 8
A talk with Daddy.
“What happens if I say fuck it and don’t do the job?” I asked him.
“You know that pain you just felt?” Lucifer asked me. I quickly nodded my head. “For every time that you refuse to return a damned soul to Hell you will feel that pain.”
“Why do I get the feeling that my aunts and uncles in Heaven are going out of their way to pick up the slack for the ones in Hell.” I snorted.
“Knowing your Uncle Michael and his scheming ways most likely Ashley.” Lucifer sighed as he gave me an apologetic look. “How about to make it up to you. How about I take you today’s ballgame? I hear they’re playing the Cubs. I got box seats. Right behind Homeplate.”
“Why am I not surprised to hear that.” I snorted then chuckled. “What I want to know is how you got your hands on something like that. Box seats for the Reds are like family heirlooms.”
“Let’s just say I made a deal with the Big Eight. They win the World Series, and I get box seats until the end of days.” Lucifer chuckled as the implications of what he told me sank in. “I got the tickets, they got their championship, and the best part they got to keep their souls. Well, at least until that slimy dipshit of Mammon’s signed them to new contracts.”
“Hold on here. Are you telling me that the Big Red Machine were getting help from the Prince of Hell?” I asked in disbelief.
“How else do you think they won back-to-back Championships?” Lucifer smirked.
“Okay it’s way too early for this shit. I need more coffee.” I grumbled and headed for the house. “I would tell you to go to Hell but considering who I’m talking to. It won’t have the same impact.”
“True. Though I can give you some insight into your upcoming trials.” He told me as he followed me into the house. Without so much as a by your leave or kiss my ass Lucifer planted a massive kiss on mom’s lips. “Hello Lily.”
“I take it that you’re here on business Lucy?” Mom asked with a small sigh as she pushed him towards the table. “Sit and I’ll get you some coffee. Do you still take it sweet and dark?”
“Ah yes the Devil’s Brew the way it was meant to be drank.” Lucifer chuckled.
“Please don’t tell me that you invented coffee?” I asked as I fixed myself another cup before sitting down. When Lucifer chuckled at my request it had that evil villain quality to it. You know the one those Disney cartoon villains use just after they explain their master plan for world conquest. I couldn’t help the groan that escaped my lips. “Why am I not surprised.”
“My greatest corruption success wasn’t Eve in the garden. It was Jerry Baldwin, Zev Siegl, and Gordon Bowker the founders of Starbucks. Believe it or not they actually came to me with the idea. I just made sure their coffee chain took off.” Lucifer told me with a shit eating grin.
“Mom please tell me he’s pulling my leg?” I begged her.
“I wish that I could Ashley. I was there the night Lucy inked the deal.” Mom told me before chuckling. “Though I never expected their chain to take off like it did. I think Starbucks has corrupted more humans than any demon, devil, or fallen angel in history.”
“More actually. There’s only one deal that I’ve ever made that worked out better and it was with Ray Kroc. Now there was a truly devious human.” Lucifer chuckled as mom hand him a cup of back coffee with sugar.
“Who was he?” I asked.
“Just the founder of the McDonald’s franchise.” Mom told me with a chuckle as I spit coffee all over Lucifer. Mom giggled as Lucifer used a napkin to clean up his jacket, shirt, and tie. “Serves you right Lucy. Why didn’t you put a stop to all this nonsense before it started?”
“I warned you that this could happen Lily. At least Ashley doesn’t have to deal with his aunts and uncles on my side of things.” Lucifer told us.
“About that daddy. Just how many of my aunts and uncles are fallen angels?” I asked him snidely.
“All seven of the Mortal Sins are fallen angels. Before I go further I should explain that they are the opposites of the Seven Heavenly Virtues. Who are also very much your aunts and uncles by the way. Now for each male virtue there is a female sin. For each female virtue there is a male sin. The exceptions to the rule are your Uncle Michael and me. Mainly because we are the only angels to ever have been created as twins.” Lucifer explained for me before taking a drink of his coffee. “Do you understand?”
“I think I do. If there are seven sins and seven virtues how are they broken down?” I asked him.
“As you have already met the Virtue of Diligence, his opposite is your Aunt Belphegor. She is the Demon Lord for the sin of Sloth. You would like her really. While she can be a lazy shit at times.” The snort form mom had Lucifer correcting himself. “Okay Lily. Belphegor is lazy most of the time. She is really a very industrious individual.”
“As much as I hate to say this about your Aunt Belphegor. She is the poster child for work smarter not harder. If Belphegor can find a way to corrupt souls without having to put in the work. She’ll do it. She absolutely has to be the person behind every bureaucracy in the world. I know she was the one who came up with the idea of red tape.” Mom sighed.
“Okay. You’ll have to excuse me, but I need some fresh air. This is all getting way too deep for me.” I told them as I got up.
“Put away your wings and tail before you go out.” Mom yelled at me as I went upstairs to change into jeans and t-shirt. “I swear he is getting to be more and more like my brother Stephon. I just don’t know where his temperament comes from at times. I know that dragonoids can be a violent race at times, but there is something about Ashley that takes it to a whole another level.”
“I blame it on having the original Rebel for a father.” I called back. Just before I slammed the door to my bedroom.
Chapter 9
Temperance and Gluttony.
Monday afternoon.
Thanks to my little fight with Sandalphon I found that I was now far more aware of my surroundings. It wasn’t until I went for a walk through my favorite park that I realized what Sandalphon had done to me. I was so sensitive to my surroundings now that I actually felt the arrival of Uncle Raphael long before I saw him. Not that really I cared. I’ve known him since I was little kid, and he didn’t frighten me.
“Come to test me Uncle Ralf?” I asked him sharply.
“I didn’t need to test you Ashley. I have known you from the time you were a babe in your mother’s arms. Your self-restraint actually rivals my own with one exception. Your anger is your downfall. Once provoked you will hold nothing back. You unleash the full measure of your anger on those who have incurred your wrath and rarely show them mercy.” Uncle Ralf told me as I glared at him. There was something about the way he was talking that let me know he had already decided my fate.
“You know something Raphael. I once thought that you were the cool uncle. Now, I know you’re nothing more than a spy for the assholes on high.” I snarled. “By the way if you think I’m just going to stand here and take your punishment. I suggest you think again.”
“I’ll make a deal with you Ashley. If you swear to never use your training or power in anger. I’ll walk away and forgo my judgement.” Raphael told me.
“Still trying to wrangle a promise out of me. Talk about being a one song record Uncle Ralf. Try a new record.” I told him with a chuckle.
“Fine. What say we gamble for the promise.” Raphael said as he held up two dice. “A single roll of odd or even. How does that sound?”
“Deal.” I said and took one of the dice from his hand. “Against the curb.”
“Done.” Raphael said as he threw his dice against the curb. I quickly followed his example as Raphael called out. “Even.”
When all both dice came to a stop I quickly counted the dots. The dice that I rolled turned up a three. While Raphael’s dice rolled a six. The final result was nine. I won the bet. At least he didn’t cheat.
“You have the same luck as your Aunt Beelzebub.” Raphael chuckled as he picked up the dice. I could tell by his demeaner that I was dealing with Uncle Ralf now. “By the way she is the Demon Lord for the sin of Gluttony. She is also as sneaky as she is beautiful.”
“Why you say the most dreadful and nice things brother.” A young girl giggled as she stepped from behind a tree. “So, this is Lucy’s child. Yummy.”
“Sheath your claws Bee. Ashley is family. You know how dad feels about such things.” Uncle Ralf told this strange girl. Thankfully she listened to him. Because she was making me feel like a slice of chocolate cake.
“Oh poo! You’re no fun Ralphie.” Beelzebub cooed as she stepped up next me. I shivered as my aunt ran her claw down my chest. “I only wanted a taste.”
“Lady you are one twisted bitch you know that?” I asked her as I pushed her away from me. “Uncle Ralf do you know this crazy woman?”
“This unfortunately is my sister and your aunt, Beelzebub, Ashley.” Uncle Ralf sighed. “What brings you up here Bee?”
“Lucifer sent me to stand as witness to your testing of Ashley, Ralphie.” Beelzebub told him as she stepped away from me. “Instead, I find the two of you playing a game of chance. This is not your normal way of doing things.”
“These are not normal circumstances Beelzebub.” I could tell by the sound of his voice. That Uncle Ralf was back in his heavenly virtue mode.
“Then you have already passed judgement. Then what shall be our nephew’s punishment?” Beelzebub asked coldly.
“As our brother Sandalphon has already condemned him to be Hell’s Watchdog. I can only aid in his duties.” I wasn’t liking where this was going. “I was thinking that he should have dominion over the Hellhounds. What say you?”
“You know that Astaroth isn’t going like you taking away his pets.” Beelzebub told him. “There is a price for such dominion.”
“Who said I was the one doing the taking?” Raphael asked with a smirk. “After all, the last time I looked Astaroth answers to you.”
“The question is our nephew willing to pay the price for such dominion.” Beelzebub said before turning to me. “Well nephew. Do you want total control over the hounds of Hell? Are you willing to pay the price for such power?”
“If I got to be Hell’s Watchdog. Then wouldn’t they naturally belong to me anyway?” I asked them both.
“Hellhounds aren’t dogs that you can just order around child. They are the souls of damned men and women of the Cloth who have broken faith with our Father. Their punishment is to spend eternity as the beasts they hid from the world and to hunt the souls of their own kind.” Beelzebub told me coldly. “They have no love for angels, demons, devils, or other damned souls. They would sooner bight you than listen to you. They only listen to power.”
“Screw ‘em. If they’re really fallen clergy then they’re getting what they deserve in my book. Besides I can’t stand those assholes who justify hate as a way to promote the word of god. If I can make their eternal reward that much more unbearable all the better. My only question is what do you want in return for the power?” I asked her.
“He has fire yet lacks restraint in his anger, Raphael. I see why you had no need to test him.” Beelzebub said thoughtfully.
“What is your price Beelzebub?” Raphael demanded.
“As Sandalphon has already cursed his eyes. My price is his appearance. Such an ordinary countenance is ill befitting for one who would wield power over the Hounds of Hell. Let him be the prettiest of us all.” Beelzebub told us.
“So be it.” Raphael said before he put his hand in the center of my back between my wings. I felt sudden uncontrollable hunger overcome me that drove me to my knees. Raphael removed his hand. “Reign well Mistress of Beasts.”
When I finally stood up Raphael and Beelzebub were gone. As I stood there I knew that Raphael had done something to me. What that was exactly I didn’t know. As I walked home I passed several stores. At one of these stores, I caught sight of my reflection in the window.
“Ah shit. Mom is going to blow her top. I don’t even want to know what dad is going to do.” I mumbled as I looked at the reflection of the glamor girl in the window that was the new me.
Chapter 10
Aunt Asmodeus.
Tuesday morning.
As I stepped out of the shower I knew that day was going to be a pain in the ass. Mom was taking me shopping for new clothes. As much as I hated shopping I knew that it was a necessary evil today. Thanks to Uncle Ralf’s gift and Aunt Bee’s bargain I needed a whole new wardrobe. To be precise I needed a girl’s wardrobe. When mom and Lucifer saw me after my run in with Raphael and Beelzebub they blew their tops. I don’t know who was more pissed off.
Mom swore that if she got her hands on Raphael. She would rip things off of him that define a person’s sexuality. Right after she chopped off his wings to make the world’s first angel favored buffalo wings. As for what Lucifer was going to do to Beelzebub. Let’s just say that there are some things that should only be described in horror films. This was one of those things.
“At least my best friend and his two buddies are still around.” I mumbled as I looked down at my penis and testicles before looking back up at the two glaring feminine additions to my chest. “Though I ready do need a bra now. If I’m not careful. I could accidental motorboat myself into the hospital.”
“Talking to yourself is the sign of losing your mind Ashley.” Lucifer told me as he appaired out of thin air. Thankfully he was in his human form.
“Besides wanting to scare the crap out of me, daddy. Why are you here?” I sneered as I wrapped my towel around me. The fact I did it the way a girl would didn’t really ping on my weird shit-o-meter.
“Didn’t you know that spooking you is one of my fatherly privileges?” Lucifer asked me with a lopsided grin. When he saw the exasperated expression on my face he turned serious. “Very well to business. I have come to warn you.”
“Okay what fresh Hell has my aunts or uncles from the other side cooked up this time?” I asked him with a put upon sigh.
“I have learned that Gabriel shall be the next to judge you. Be warned his word is Chastity. Any lustful thoughts will open the door to your further downfall.” Lucifer told me as he transformed my towel into a robe. “As much as I cherish you as my only child Ashley. I have no real desire to see either you or your mother ruling at my side in Hell.”
“Yeah well then you should have kept your Heaven siblings in line and out of my life to start with.” I snorted as I shouldered my way pass him and out the bathroom. “Besides daddy dearest. There is more than just sexual lust. Let’s be honest with each other. It doesn’t matter what happens with Gabriel. I’m still going to end up in Hell and Uncle Gabby is going to get his ass hand to him on a platter.”
“If that is the way you feel Ashley. I won’t stand in your way.” Lucifer chuckled. “Who am I to tell you how to be rebellious?”
“Only the original Rebel.” I snarked as I headed for my room. The last thing I saw or heard of my father was a puff of reddish smoke and a soft chuckle.
“Man, I have got to have the most screwed up family in the world.” I mumbled as I pulled on my speedo swimsuit that I was using for underwear. I quickly pulled on a pair of tube socks and jeans. After I pulled on my favorite Judas Priests t-shirt I heard a soft chuckle from behind me. Turning around I found that I wasn’t alone in my bedroom. Standing in the corner was a woman I had never seen before. I could tell that she was a fallen angel by her horns. “I’m going to make a guess here. You’re one of my aunts?”
“Correct young Ashley. I am Asmodeus. The Demon Lord for the sin of Lust.” She told me as she pushed away from the corner. “I am surprised that you have already found the key to my Word.”
“I would be a fool to not understand the full implications of Lust. After all there are all kinds of lust.” I told her with a grin.
“Oh really. Please enlighten me young one to your vast wisdom of my Word.” Asmodeus challenged me with a soft chuckle.
“There is the lust for blood, a lust for battle, a lust for fine wines and foods. The greatest of all lusts is the lust for life. The biggest mistake all mortals, not to mention a few immortals, make is equating lust strictly with sex appeal. According to Webster’s Dictionary Lust is defined as a psychological force producing intense desire for something or circumstance while already having a significant amount of the desired object.” I told her as I slipped my feet into my shoes. “I am half dragonoid and because my Word is Vengeance. I have a natural lust for conflict.”
“Very good Princess. You truly do understand your nature. As a gift I will grant you a boon. Win your battle with Gabriel and I will give you dominion over the Lilium.” Before I could ask her who or what was the Lillium. Asmodeus vanished from my room. Only the soft smell of lavender and lilacs remained.
“I really need to have a talk with mom. This place is becoming busier than a New York subway station for the damned underworld.” I grumbled and headed downstairs. As I entered the kitchen it was to the sounds of laughter. Female laughter. “Hey mom who’s visiting us this early?”
“Ashley I would like for you to meet an old friend of mine.” Mom told me as I looked to where Asmodeus was sitting. As the scowl crossed my face mom sighed. “Asmodeus please tell me you didn’t pop in via Ashley’s room?”
“I cannot tell a lie.” Asmodeus giggled as she took down a coffee cup. “I just had to meet the brash young man that has Sandy, and Ralf pissing in each other’s cornflakes. With Astaroth and Belphegor cackling like a loons.”
“At least she let me dress before popping out of nowhere mom.” I told my mother and grabbed my coffee. “Unlike daddy. He caught me coming out of the shower. By the way. I thought they had to have permission to enter our home?”
“Well, your father and Asmodeus have always had permission to enter our home. Until recently your Uncle Raphael had that same privilege.” Mom told me with a friendly smile before removing over so I could sit down next to her.
“Okay. Are there any more relatives have especial access that I need to know about?” I asked before taking a sip of my coffee.
“Nope. Though Asmodeus and your father have always been careful never appear when you were here.” Mom told me with a chuckle. “Though it’s a good thing that Asmodeus is here today. She has always had a hand in modern fashions.”
“Just because I follow the human world’s current trends in women’s fashions. I am no fashionista.” Asmodeus sniffed before giggling. “I will admit to having influenced them towards slightly more sexually provocative designs.”
“Of course. Why wouldn’t the Demon Lord of Lust pay attention to current trends in fashions for women. What I want to know. Is who monitors the trends in men’s fashions for you?” I asked Asmodeus with a smirk.
“Oh, I leave that to my PA Baraqiel. I swear that man has an eye for men’s fashion that is unmatched. His sense of fashion is truly god like at certain times.” Asmodeus told me with a chuckle.
“You’re not talking about the Persian god Baraqiel are you?” I asked her.
“Now that I think about it he was the God for the Loom of Fate in the Persian Empire.” Asmodeus answered thoughtfully before taking a drink of her coffee. “I wouldn’t be surprised if he was. So many of the ancient Gods and Goddess were demonized by the Big Three as they rose to power.”
“Just how many ancient gods and goddess are in hell?” I asked in shock.
“Several hundred I think. To be honest with you. I really don’t know. I think only your father knows exactly how many of the ancient gods now work us.” Asmodeus answered me honestly before a crack of thunder rolled across the sky. “Looks like my brother just dropped for a visit. Gabriel always did like to make a flashy entrance. The pompous ass.”
“Any idea of where he’ll show up?” Mom asked her.
“He’s waiting for me at the old Black Barn nursey.” I told her and stood up slowly. I took off my t-shirt then flexed my shoulders. As my wings and tail appeared Asmodeus jumped from her seat. I could feel the fear rolling off of her. “Don’t worry Asmodeus. So long as you protect my mother you need not fear me or my Word.”
“It’s not thy Word I fear child of Lucifer. It’s thy lust.” Asmodeus shivered. “Lilith I tell thy truth here and now. None of thine kin hast ever held such raw, overwhelming, lust for open combat.”
“Good. The bastard well feel me coming. I hate having to hunt down the assholes who piss me off.” I snarled before kissing mom on the cheek. “I’ll be back shortly mom. I got an ass beating to deliver.”
As I leaped into the sky from the backyard I heard mom call out. “Have fun storming the castle sweetheart. Please be back before two. Vicky’s is having a two for one sale on all bra and panty sets until four.”
-----tbc-----
What would you do if you found out that you were the child of Lucifer and what is basically an immortal woman? Will you rale against Fate? Would you curse God for who your parents were? Would you face the oncoming battle for your soul with a smile? Would you curl up in a ball and hope that it was all a dream? That is the problem facing one young man as his reality changes.
Chapter 11
The Great Barn Brawl.
Tuesday 11:35am.
As I flew through the air I felt a freedom that I had never known before. I also felt a desire growing within me with each passing mile. A desire to sink my fangs into the flesh of Gabriel and drink his blood. This was the asshole who insulted my mother. As I cross over the nearest windbreak to the old Black Barn nursery I am hit with a bolt of lightning. Even as I was tumbling from the skies Gabriel was shouting at me.
“It’s time to face thy judgement Hell Spawn! I can smell thy immoral stench from the very Gates of Heaven! Unlike the other Heavenly Virtues! I have no reason to spare thy pathetic existence! Thy very being is an afront to the Morally Upright!” Gabriel screamed as he pulled a flaming bastard sword from nowhere.
“You know something shit bag. I was willing to put up with your stupid test and then let you go. Instead, I’m going to provide that the only way you can fix stupid is with a life altering ass beating.” I snarled and pulled the feather from my necklace. Daddy had shown me this little trick after my run in with Uncle Ralf on Monday.
I don’t really understand how it works but the necklace charm turned into 6ft long double headed spear. The first time I did this Lucifer chuckled saying that my soul weapon was a reflection of my dual nature. At each end was a ten inch red and black feather shaped double edged blade. Between them was a solid bronze shaft. In the center was a one foot black leather wrap for a handle. I really wish Lucifer had shown how to perform this trick to me before my run in with Sandalphon. I could have really used a weapon against Sandalphon’s honking massive sword.
“Maybe you can explain something for me. What is it with you asshole angels and your oversized swords? Compensating for a lack of something?” I asked Gabriel as I blocked his overhanded swing at my head. “Maybe you should get a Tesla Roadster? It’ll be a whole lot less harmful to the environment and makes a great chick magnet.”
“Damn you, you impertinent child. I shall smite thy for daring to show such blatant insolence!” Gabriel snarled as he swung his sword towards my waist. This time I didn’t bother to block. I just stepped back out his reach. This seemed to piss him off even more. “Hold still damn you!”
“You have got to be yanking my chain?” I asked in disbelief. Then decided to see if I could twist his tit even more. I flipped upside down and floated a few feet out of his reach. “Here would this help?”
“I’LL HAVE YOUR HEAD FOR THIS INSULT!” Gabriel screamed and charged. Only to miss me again as I flipped over the top of him. I just had to add injury to the insult. I couldn’t pass up the chance of kicking him in the ass. As Gabriel flew through the air to land face first in a pile of cow shit I broke out laughing. I couldn’t believe this smuck was an Archangel.
“Holy shit! Come on Gabby. You’re supposed be this big bad ass archangel. Show me something already. Where is your pride man?! Didn’t anyone teach you how to use that sword?” I asked between giggles.
“I am not some loathsome barbaric blood thirsty warrior. I am the Enforcer of Morality. I need not fight those who are immoral. I only need judge them and carry out their just punishment.” Gabriel spat as he stood up to face me. “Now stand still and receive thy punishment.”
“Um… nope.” I snickered as Gabriel turned blue with frustration. I couldn’t help myself. I was having so much fun twisting his tit that I completely forgot my rage. That was until the asshole fired another one of those blasts of light at me. I was laughing so hard that I barely avoided the beam. Now I was really pissed off and gave into my lust for battle. “You’ll pay for that shithead.”
In my rage I summoned a massive ball of fire and threw it at the asshole. This time when Gabriel swung his sword it cut the fireball in half. Instead of dissipating the fireball exploded. The explosion threw Gabriel back fifty and left behind a twenty foot hole in the ground. I quickly followed up my magical attack by diving on Gabriel. When I was within reach of my spear I swung it with all of my might. As his sword flew from his hands I dropped my spear. I quickly began to beat the shit out of the pompous asshole with my bare hands. I was so lost to my lust for battle that I didn’t notice the arrival of Lucifer and Michael.
Once Lucifer had dragged me off Gabriel. Michael quickly tended to Gabriel’s injuries. “I warned you not to challenge our nephew Gabriel.”
“Calm down, Ashley. Let your anger go. You’ve proven your point child. You have won this confrontation.” Lucifer told me, as he held me as tightly as he could. Once I had taken a few breaths to calm down Lucifer let me go.
“If that fuck head insults my mother or dares to attack me again.” I never got to finish the threat. I was suddenly hit with a massive wave of pain that drove me to my knees. “Mother fuck!”
“Finally, my punishment takes hold.” Gabriel grunted as Michael helped him to stand. “I may have lost the battle, but I won the war.”
“What did you do brother?” Lucifer snarled as he knelt beside me.
“I have only passed judgement on an immoral creature. As is my heavenly right.” Gabriel snorted as he looked down at me in contempt. “That thing’s uncontrolled lust for battle was his downfall. If he had shown restraint. Then I would have forgiven its sin and returned to Heaven. Instead, I have sentenced it to spend the rest of eternity as one of Lilith’s daughters.”
“Gabriel you do not have that authority!” Lucifer screamed as he jumped to his feet. I could only stare in awe as he summoned a black bastard sword from the ether. “I’ll feed your immortal existence to my sword!”
“Hold brother!” Michael shout as he stepped between them. “If you strike down Gabriel now. You will break the truce.”
“You dare to speak of honoring the truce! A truce that he has already broken!” Lucifer shouted as he pointed towards Gabriel. “Hear me Michael! By Father’s own laws I demand a full compensation for your subordinate’s unjustified transgressions against my child!”
“If I should refuse your demand? What then brother? Would you really risk a resumption of the war over a justified judgement?” Michael asked.
“The judgement was false, and the punishment is unjustified brother. A judgement that was based solely on Gabriel’s hate for me. So yes I would risk a resumption of the war and more for such an insult.” Lucifer snarled as he snapped the fingers of his left hand. Before I realized what was going we were surrounded by seven pillars of red sulfurase smelling smoke and flames. I didn’t need a narrator to know that the Seven Mortal Sins just made a grand appearance. As I looked up at my father I knew that he was pissed. “Well brother. What is your answer?”
“Name your price, Lucifer.” Michael sighed.
“Cancel the rest of the judgements.” Lucifer demanded.
“That I cannot do Lucifer. These judgements are all that stands between peace and a resumption of hostilities.” Michael sighed at the sounds of several soul weapons being drawn. “I’ll cancel one.”
“Not enough. Three of the remaining four judgements.” Lucifer countered.
“Again, you ask for too much Lucifer. I’ll cancel two.” Michael huffed.
“I get to choose which two.” Lucifer countered quickly.
“Which two?” Was all that Michael asked.
“Remove Sariel, and Uriel from the judgement.” Lucifer told him with a grin. “If you want me to overlook Gabriel’s transgression against my child then Ashley will not face the trials of Charity, and Kindness.”
“That only leaves the trials for Patience and Humility.” Michael chuckled. “As the only child of both Pride, and a dragonoid she’ll have an advantage that no other mortal would.”
“I never said I won’t stack the deck her favor.” Lucifer said with more than a little attitude for Michael. “After all. You of all people should know that I never make a deal that doesn’t benefit me in some way.”
“Do us all a great favor and never change Lucy.” Michael chuckled before he grabbed Gabriel by the scruff of the neck. “Come along little brother. We need to have a long talk about overstepping your authority.”
Once they disappeared most of the Seven Mortal Sins vanished as well. Only Asmodeus remained with me and Lucifer. As I staggered to my feet I felt my crotch. I didn’t need a biologist to tell me that I was now a girl. Even through my now ruined jeans I could feel that my manhood was gone. To say that I was pissed is an understatement of Mount Everest proportions. Looking around I snarled. “Where did that cock sucking, mother fucking, asshole angel go? I going to rip off his god damned wings and use them to make a stew of chicken and dumplings.”
“I have to say brother. I have never felt or tasted such a powerful lust for vengeance.” Asmodeus said as she walked up to stand beside me. “Peace child. Let your lust go before it burns your soul.”
“Never.” I spat as I flexed my wings and whipped tail around. “I told them to leave me out of their bullshit Auntie. I warned them that if they kept pushing they’ll get a war they can’t win. I was willing to put up with this judgement crap because of my mother, but only if they played by the rules. I played by the rules. They cheated. Now they pay!”
“Lucifer more than just her Word is driving her emotions. Her dragonoid nature is also fueling her need for vengeance. I really hate to say this, but you should have let her kill Gabriel.” Asmodeus told Lucifer. “We all know Father’s laws. You and Michael shouldn’t have intervened. The trials are to be individual contests of will or combat.”
“If we had let her kill Gabriel it would have restarted the war.” Lucifer told her as he placed his hand on my shoulder. “Michael and I waited to intervene until after Ashley had clearly won their contest. Once she had disarmed Gabriel of his sword. The contest was decided.”
“What is so damned important about keeping this treaty pops?” I snarled. “From what I can see the assholes upstairs are just chomping at the bit for a chance to rumble. Why not give them what they want?”
“Ashley you need to understand that no matter what happens. Hell cannot be the ones to resume the war.” Lucifer told me. When he saw the look in my eyes my father just sighed. “Come on let’s get you home. I promise that ounce we’re alone I’ll explain everything.”
“Fine.” I snarled then looked down at my body. “Though you get to explain to mom why she no longer has a son.”
Chapter 12
Explanations for it all!
Tuesday 12:45
The first thing mom did when we got home was to give me a hug. The hug was followed up by asking me if I was hurt. Only after reassuring mom that most of my injuries were bumps and scraps and that I was basically fine did she blow her top. The smack to the back of my head let me know that I had done something stupid. That was when Lucifer dropped the bomb.
I would have thought mom would have been more pissed off. Instead, an unsettling calm came over her. There’s only other time I ever seen my mother this calm before. I had just turned seven and we were living in England at the time. For a surprise birthday present mom had taken me to see an English Premier League soccer game. As we were leaving the stadium a street thug attacked us for mom’s purse. I got knocked down and hit my head on the street curb. The last thing I remember before passing out was mom becoming extremely calm before attacking the thug.
She ordered me to go upstairs, clean up, and change. I was slightly surprised when she asked Asmodeus to arrange something for me to wear. When I came out of my shower Asmodeus was waiting for me. At first I was unsure about the clothes she had waiting for me. I mean what woman wears a Grecian style dress in the middle of the day. I would have complained but Asmodeus was wearing one already. It was only after I was actually wearing the dress that I realized the practicality of the style.
It left my back bare so that I could extend my wings and tail. When I got back downstairs I noticed that mom was also wearing a similar style dress with her wings and tail extended. I could tell by the look in her eyes that mom was ready for a fight. I quickly followed her example. I don’t know what mom and Lucifer talked about while I was cleaning up but whatever it was must have been major. Because they weren’t alone, and the kitchen had undergone a major magical remodel.
It was a surreal situation for me as we all sat down around the kitchen table. When I say ‘all’. It was more than just mom, Lucifer, and me at the kitchen table. For the first time in my life all of my ‘aunts and uncles’ from Hell were there. I talking about the big eight in Hell here people. The crowned Dukes and Dutchesses of Hell’s hierarchy. With my father being the biggest bad ass in the room. The Crown Prince of Hell, himself Lucifer. Starting off directly to my left then going clockwise around the table were Satan, Belial, Asmodeus, Astaroth, Mammon, Belphegor, ending with Beelzebub next to mom. Sitting directly to my right was Lucifer at the head of the table with mom seated at his right hand.
The crazy thing about the whole situation wasn’t the way I was dressed. It wasn’t that we all had our wings extended. It wasn’t the moaning black bastard hanging from Lucifer’s hip or Satan’s blood red humming double bladed-axe. It was the fact that they were just sitting there drinking coffee as if it was a normal everyday board meeting.
With Lucifer acting as if he was the CEO for some Fortune 500 company. Mom just sat there acting like some kind of Chief Personal Assistant taking notes. Not that I wasn’t surprised to see her behaving like this. She was the PA for the CEO of a major human company in Cincinnati. No, the weird part of her taking notes was what she was using. I mean who uses a quail pin and parchment in this day and age.
“Sorry for calling all of you up here on short notice.” Lucifer began. Only to have Satan of all people interrupt him.
“No need to apologize Lucy.” Satan told him with a shit eating grin. “I’ve been wanting to meet my nephew, I mean, niece for some time now. I do wish it was under better circumstances. Though I do wonder why you stopped her from killing that overbearing asshole little brother of ours.”
“As much as I hate to agree with him on anything. I too wonder as to why you stopped your daughter from putting an end to our mutual pain in the ass.” Belial snarled as he drank his coffee. “All of us here have more than enough reasons to end his worthless existence, but none of us have a match to her grievance.”
“I know you don’t want to hear this from me brother.” Belphegor said before yawning. “You shouldn’t have stopped Ashley. Gabby along with the rest of the Virtues have been pushing the situation from day one of your agreement with Michael concerning Ashely. And if you haven’t figured it out yet. They’ve already broken the damned truce.”
“You all know that we’re not in position to resume hostilities. As it stands right now there’s only one of us that has even the slightest chance of surviving an all-out war with their counterpart and that’s Satan. Only because he gets all of those wanbe ‘Soldiers for God’ martyr nutjobs. The rest of us have to deal with untrained sinners as soldiers. We might get the odd veteran here and there, but the rest of our troops are little better than speedbumps.” Astaroth pointed out before drinking his coffee. “The only reason we even have our current forces is because of the Truce. I know that none of you want to hear this, but Lucifer and Asmodeus did the right thing when they kept Ashley from killing Gabriel.”
“I know you all got some major shit to talk about, but can one of you please tell me what’s so damned important out this truce, treaty, or whatever? I’m kind of operating in the dark here.” I complained only to get the stink eye form my mom and Lucifer. Not that I gave a shit. “Don’t give me that look mom as for you daddy. You don’t get to tell me how to behave. A real father is there for more than just the fun part. As far as this truce goes. From what I can see. The only ones playing by the rules are the ‘bad guys’. While the ‘good guys’ are cheating their asses off. If they don’t like how the game is going. They change the rules.”
“The rules have never changed Ashley. Only their interpretations.” Mammon told me from his place at the other end of the table.
“Bullshit! Don’t try to legalese the situation here Mammon. The rules are the rules. They don’t need interpretation. If the rule is to honor thy mother and father. Then by god you honor your mother and father. If the rule says do not kill. Then you don’t kill. There is no qualifier for killing in war time.” I snapped then grumbled. “At least now I know who came up with the idea for lawyers.”
“Don’t blame Mammon for lawyers Ashley. Those despicable individuals, especially divorce attorneys, were the bright idea of the archangel Uriel. As for the sixth Commandment. That one Commandment has been debated over from the time of Moses, Ashley. It is also the reason why Uriel created lawyers. Mammon just made better used of them. The reason why lawyers were needed is the actual interpretation that Moses used.” Satan told me only to get the WTF look from me. “Contrary to popular religious teachings Moses had to translate the Ten Commandments from Enochian into Hebrew.”
“What? Hold on here. I thought God just told Moses what to write down. Am I missing something here?” I asked in confusion.
“Ashley only supernatural beings like angels, devils, dragons, and demons can hear the actual Voice of the Almighty. The only humans to have ever heard the words of God and survive were Adam, Eve, and Jesus. Moses not to mention all of the other Prophets for God never once talked directly with the Big Guy. It was actually our pain in the ass older brother Metatron that Moses talked with.” Asmodeus told me.
“Wait? What? I thought my father was the oldest and first of God’s angels. Who’s this Metatron?” I asked in confusion.
“While I am the First among His angels Ashley. I am not the oldest nor the most powerful. That honor belongs to Metatron. He is also the only angel that has ever been in the actual presence of Yahweh.” Lucifer told me as he put his hand on my shoulder.
“Which gives him a fat head at times.” Satan snorted. “The only good thing about him being the voice of God. The big guy keeps him and the other two members of the First Choir out of our fight.”
“Speaking of fighting. Will someone please explain to me about this truce?” I asked before taking a drink of my coffee.
“I think it would be best if we give you a little background on the war to start with Ashley. You see it all started in the Garden of Eden with your father getting a massive case of the ass over the way Adam was treating his first wife Lilith. It all started because she wouldn’t put up with Adam’s bullshit about male superiority. Well Adam went and complained to God about her refusing to be subservient to him. In response to Adam’s complaint God expelled Lilith from the Garden. When your father complained about this unfair treatment of Lilith. God told your father that women are to be subservient to men. Well, your father got a case of the dumbass and pointed out to God that he had made both in his image therefore making women subservient to men was a mistake. Which gave God a massive case of the ass with your father because God doesn’t make mistakes. That was when your father’s natural rebellious streak came out. From that point things got kind of stupid. Half of our siblings sided with your father and the rest with Michael on the side of God. Within five days we were in an all-out war, and earth paid the price. Namely the greatest extension event in history. You would know it as the end of the dinosaurs. The only life on earth that survived the war was either supernatural or protected by the Eternal Wall surrounding the Garden of Eden.” Satan explained for me.
“That is so cool. I mean Lilith was the original Feminist Rights activist. I wish that I could have seen her action.” I chuckled only to receive questioning looks from Satan, Belial, and Belphegor. “Oh, come on people. Who wouldn’t want to meet an original rebel?”
“There’s no doubt she’s your daughter, Lucifer.” Belial chuckled. “If there was ever any doubts. That last comment dispelled them.”
I blushed clear down to my breasts. I have to be honest. I’ve always been a rebel at heart and admired those who stood up for what they believed in. To me Lilith has always been given a raw deal. Like a lot of powerful women from history. I can hear you out there, but no. I’m not some radical for the Feminist Rights. What I am is an advocate for the historical truth. Every time I read about some woman being vilified by so-called historians I want to scream to high Heaven. Because most of those historians are men out to perpetuate the myth of masculine superiority.
“Why did the fighting stop?” I asked wanting to get them back on topic.
“We were forced to.” Lucifer told me.
“Hold on. Who or what could have forced the two most powerful armies in the universe to call a truce?” I asked in shock.
“Two of our ancestors got into an argument that escalated into a full blown brawl.” Mom told me with a nasty grin.
“What do you mean mom?” I asked her quickly.
“Ashley, when dragons fight. Nothing stops them except for death. The destruction they leave in their wake is cataclysmic. Whole continents have been leveled. It wasn’t a meteorite strike that killed off the dinosaurs. It was a fight between two of the most powerful dragons in history.” Mom explained for me. “To stop their fight and save what was left of life on earth. The armies of Heaven and Hell were forced to call a truce.”
“Holly shit! Just who or what were these dragons?” I was forced to ask.
“The two Great Dragon Emperors. Albion the White Dragon Emperor and Ddraig the Red Dragon Emperor. The only dragons more powerful than them are Great Red the Apocalypse Dragon, and Ophis the Ouroboros Dragon.” Lucifer told me as he stood up and pulled his toga aside showing me the left side of his chest. “I received this scare during my battle with Albion. Michael has a similar scare on his right side from Ddraig.”
“I thought that only soul weapons could harm angels.” I said.
“Ashley, you need to understand that because of their supernatural nature all dragons and dragonoids are living weapons. Why do you think you were able to hand Gabriel his ass so easily with your bare hands?” Asmodeus asked me with a smirk. “You might be only half dragonoid, but you’re still twice as strong as a normal angel because of your dragonoid blood. That puts you on the same level as your father and Michael. In our fight to stop the two rampaging dragons. More than two thirds of both armies was wiped out. Because of the catastrophic losses by both sides, we were forced to continue with the truce. A truce that has held ever since.”
“If all of this happen during the time of the dinosaurs. Where did all of the other gods and people come from?” I ask them.
“Ashley do you know how many creation myths are out there?” Satan asked with a knowing grin. “I’ll save you the trouble and give you a hint. There is creation myth for each and every pantheon of the gods. There is one thing that they all have in common. They all have a ‘Garden of Eden’ of some type. That is the reason why no one has ever found the ‘Birthplace of Humanity. Everyone is looking for one place where there are hundreds. Each with their own protective wall.”
“Damn. The religious theologians really got that one wrong. Why hasn’t any one ever figured this out?” I asked them.
“The Big Three kiddo.” Mammon told me as if that explained everything.
“The Big Three? Who are they?” I asked.
“Those are the three major Judeo-Christian based faiths. You know them as Judaism, Christianity, and Islam. All three believe in the God of Abraham. Which so happens to our Father.” Lucifer told me with a grin.
“I have got to ask. If God is your father is he like my grandfather?” I asked with a more than a little confusion.
“Only in the most extreme metaphysical sense of things Ashley. You see God created all angels. Because of this simple fact He is the only father figure any angel has ever known.” Asmodeus explained for me.
“Okay that makes sense. But if God created the angels, who created the devils?” I asked them. Only to have Mammon flip a coin to me. As I grabbed it out of the air Mammon grinned and asked.
“Ashely what can you tell me about that coin?”
“I really don’t know.” I answered as I turned the coin over in my hand. On both sides of the coin the words ‘Morning Star’ were written at the bottom. One side has ‘In God We Trust’ is written at the top, while the other side states ‘In God We’re Damned’. On the ‘Trust’ side of the coin is an image of the crucifixion of Jesus within a triangle. The three sides of the triangle are labeled Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. On the ‘Damned’ side of the coin has a goat head within a star. Surrounding the star are five words Deceiver, Serpent, Dragon, Satan, and Lucifer. “Other than it looks like the mythical Pentecostal Coin nothing. Why?”
“Now compare it to these coins.” Mammon told me as she placed a stack of seven silver coins in front of me. As I picked up each coin I noticed that each one held the name for a Mortal sin on one side with the Heavenly virtue on the other at the bottom. As I went through the stack I also noticed the centers of the coins were stamped with an angel for the Virtue side and a devil for the side of Sin. When I looked up Mammon in confusion she explained. “As those coins clearly show you Ashley. The flipside for every angel is a devil. There are nine versions of the Pentecostal Coin. One for Lucifer, one for Michael, and one for each virtue and sin. The only coin not in your hand is Michael’s.”
“What happened to the other gods?” I asked.
“They’re still around. Some work for Heaven, and some for me.” Lucifer told me bluntly. Then he dropped the bomb. “Then there are the ones who work for themselves. These are the gods that embody Chaos or bring about the end of creation. They’re the ones that want to end our truce.”
“They’re the ones who have been pushing to have me judge.” I guessed. Then flipped the coin for Lucifer in the air. As it spun something strange happened when it reached the top of its arch. It just hung there floating. Slowly spinning on its axes. “What just happened?”
“This is my coin Ashley. Only I can use it. To decide your Fate, you need to flip your own coin.” Lucifer told me as reached up and took a hold of the spinning coin. After placing it back in the stack Lucifer turned and looked across the table. “You can keep those they mark you as one of ours. Whether we like it or not. Mammon a blank if you please.”
“Of course. As the Demon Lord of Greed, I should’ve been allowed to give her a blank at the start of her judgement.” Mammon sighed as she waved her hand and a 3in blank silver desk appeared before me on the table.
“Before I flip this thing. Why are they all made from silver?” I asked.
“The most commonly minted coins throughout history were made from silver. Because of this Charon set his price for crossing the river at two coins. Though he has many names they are all the same person. The Ferryman for the River Styx. Unlike the myth they are not onetime usage.” She explained for me as I picked up the blank.
The second my hand touched the silver disk it shimmered brightly and began to change. On one side the near the top were the words Venator Inferorum Largitas. Across the bottom was written Morningstar. Between the two was engraved dragon’s head within a star. Surrounding the star are five words Succubus, Hell’s Hound, Dragonoid, Lilium, and Ashley. The flipped side was a copy of the Trust side of Lucifer’s coin. For some reason I suddenly didn’t want to flip this coin. This coin did more than mark me as one of Hell’s royalty. It told the universe that I was a Princess of Hell.
“All Hail Ashley! Dragonoid Princess of Hell!” A heavenly voice boomed as I held the coin in my hand. I looked over at mom and Lucifer as the Seven Mortal Sins all dropped to one knee around the table.
“I think I just made a massive mistake.” I whispered. Then asked Lucifer. “What was that voice?”
“That Ashley was my older brother Metatron acting in his official duty as the Voice of God. I have good news and bad news. Which do you want first?” He asked me as he waved for the sins to stand.
“Give me the bad news first.” I answered quickly.
“The bad news I get the pleasure of welcoming you into the ranks of the eternally damned daughter.” Lucifer told me as he gave me a fatherly hug while I broke downing crying. “The good news is it isn’t that bad a life.”
“Lucifer I think it is time for you to take us home.” Mom told him as she stood up. I felt her wrap her arms around me from behind. “Thanks to that load mouth. We can’t stay up here anymore.”
“Are you sure Lilith? If we do this. You and Ashley will spend the rest of eternity aligned with myself and Hell.” Lucifer asked her.
“It no longer matters Lucifer. That choice has been taken away from us by the powers that be. For better or worse your family is coming home.” Mom told him with a heavy sigh. “I always knew that sooner or later it would come to this. Michael and the Virtues have always chaffed at the agreement they were never going to let me, and our child live in peace. If they couldn’t have her, then no one could. We have always been bound for Hell.”
“Then so be. Time to go home.” Lucifer sighed. “I promise that someone will pay for taking away your dream Lilith.”
He snapped her fingers, there was a flash, followed by a massive boom. I felt a swirling rush of power and then nothing. If I had been standing outside of our old house I would have witnessed a massive pillar of fire engulfing my old home. The local Fire Department fought the blaze for 6 hours. When the flames finally died down only the foundation remained.
As the Fire Investigators shifted through the ashes they found nothing had survive. They expected to find the charred remains of furniture, clothing, electronics, and bodies. Yet they found nothing but ashes. The two fire investigators were forced to claim that the blaze was so intense that no human remains could have survived.
They also conclude that the fire was an act of arson. These conclusions would led to an investigation of a certain church who had a long standing grievance with the mother and son. Their suspicion of the preacher and son intensified following the man’s public declaration that the James family suffered the Righteous Flames of Judgement. That all witches will burn in the same manner. Yet despite the rhetoric the preacher and his church were cleared of any connection to the James family fire.
Chapter 13
My new home in Hell.
Day unknown 07:30
I don’t remember much after that. What I do know is that when I woke up I wasn’t in my bedroom at home. Wherever I was it sure as Hell was in my own bedroom. The first clue was the bed I was lying in. It was an Alaskan King sized 4-poster canopy bed. The corner posts were 1ftx1ftx10ft. They were connected by 6x12 beams. The top of the mattress sat at least 4ft off the floor. Hanging on the inside of the beams on 1in thick rods were red trimmed black velvet drapes. The comforter that covered me was made from a red fleece with the picture of a dragonoid and angel printed in the center. As for the sheets, they were black and made from some kind of silk. The only good thing I could see so far nothing was pink.
The sound of massive claws scraping across stone drew my attention. Pulling the curtain aside I looked out into the rest of the room. I had to do a double take at what I saw. I’ve seen big dogs before. I’m talking about English mastiffs weighing over 300lbs and measuring 8ft from nose to tail. This beast was covered in scales and had to be 6ft at the shoulder, 10ft nose to tail, and weigh more than 700lds with a mouth full of fangs.
“Good morning Mistress.” The beast rumbled before licking my face with a tongue that was at least 2ft long. “Welcome to Hell.”
It took my brain a few seconds to catch up with what just happened. When it did I did the most natural of things. I screamed at the top of my lungs as I scrambled to reach the other side of the bed. I don’t know who was more frightened at the time. Me or the Hellhound. The only reason I include the Hellhound is because it started howling in fear at my scream. The ruckus we raised naturally brought my mother and much to my surprise two succubae dressed as maids. Mom took one look and shouted.
“Enough! I will have silence!” I naturally obeyed my mom. I knew that when she was pissed off about something. Not to get on her bad side.
“Helga weren’t you told to wait outside?” Mom snarled at the Hellhound.
“Yes, Lady Lilith.” The Hellhound pouted.
“Then why are you in my daughter’s room?” She demanded.
“I only wanted to see if she was awake yet, Lady Lilith. I wanted to see if she was as cute as the maids say.” Helga pouted acting like a scolded puppy. “I didn’t mean to scare your daughter Lady.”
“I see.” Mom said with a heavy sigh of frustration. “Helga I know that you were ounce a powerful Paladin for Pope Gregory the eighth during the Third Crusade. That means you’re quite intelligent. Now knock off the act!”
“Yes Ma’am!” The Hellhound gulped. “Though I really am sorry for scaring your daughter. Maybe I should have used my smaller form for greeting her.”
“Mom, please tell me that I’m dreaming. That I’m not actually hearing a dog talk?” I begged her as I flexed my wings and flipped my tail.
“Oh, do get over yourself Ashley.” Mom snapped. “Helga is not a dog. She is a Hellhound. One of your subordinates. Of course, she can talk.”
“Give me a break here will you mom.” I told her. “How would you feel if you woke up in a strange place coming face to face with a talking dog the size of a small horse? I mean come on already.”
“You do have a point dear. Though Helga does have a duty to be here.” Mom told me. At my blank look she explained. “She is one of your servants.”
“Fine. Whatever.” I grumbled as I climbed off. Ounce I was standing I took in the rest of the room. What I saw made my stomach flipflop. The room was fit for a Disney Princess. If that Princess was a latex or leather clade Dominatrix. Everything that you would find in a room for a princess was there, but it had a B&D flare to it. “Woah! Okay this isn’t a nightmare. It’s a wet dream gone wrong.”
“Yes dear I know. Before you complain don’t.” Mom warned me kindly. When I looked over at the succubae mom smiled and turned to dismiss them. “You may leave us. Now that I know what caused the commotion. It’ll be best if I handle things from here.”
“What does that mean mom?” I asked.
“This is Hell, Ashely. It will twist whatever desire you have to represent that the fact you’re still in Hell.” Mom explained. “You wanted a simple boy’s room like you had back on Earth. This is the result.”
“Okay. I can see the Princess theme happening as that is as far away from my old tastes as you could get without going totally nuts. What I don’t, understand is the B-n-D twist?” I asked.
“Oh that. You’re a Princess of Hell now and it is kind of expected of you. You know that whole pain and punishment thing that Devils are supposed to get into. As Hell’s Bounty Hunter and Watchdog. The whips, chains, gags, rope, and other bondage gear are the tools of your trade.” Mom told me with a giggle as my eyes bulged.
“Please tell me that I’m not expected to wear leather when performing my job?” I whined as I had visions of leather catsuits, thigh-high spiked heeled boots, spiked collars, and corsets. Mom just smiled as she opened a one of the two massive armoires. It was filled with a wardrobe befitting a professional Dominatrix. “Ah Hell. I just had to tempt fate.”
“Sorry kiddo. It’s what is expect of you.” Mom told me with a straight face. As I facepalmed mom started to laugh. “Gotcha!”
“What?!” I asked as my head snapped up. I could only stare in disbelief as the inside of the armoire filled with fog. When the fog vanished all of the Dominatrix gear was gone. In its place was something that an average teenage girl would wear. I should say a teenage fashionista that has a thousand dollar clothing allowance. “Uh mom, I know this is going to sound like I’m ungrateful. Where are the jeans, t-shirts, and tennis shoes?”
“About that Ashley. Remember when I said you were in Hell?” Mom asked me. When I nodded my head she continued. “Everyone here has to live with their own personal Hell. Even your father has to put up with some small form of punishment. From the looks of things, it seems that your personal hell is to live the life of a teenage fashionista.”
“Okay. Just exactly what does that mean?” I asked in confusion.
“I suggest that you get used to wearing short skirts and dresses, silk blouses, stockings, and high heel shoes. Along with looking like a fashion plate model.” Mom told me. “Even when you’re hunting down escaped souls. You can expect to be dressed in the height of teenage fashion.”
“Mom, I got a feeling about that last part being all too true.” I told her as I reached into the armoire and pulled out a pair of leather pants. “These might be slacks but they’re Victorian Horsewoman leather riding breeches. They cost four-hundred-fifty-dollars a piece on sale. Before you ask how I know that I’ll tell you. Amber Combs wore a pair to school last month and was bragging about how she got them on sail.”
“You can thank your Uncle Mammon for the quality of your new wardrobe. Something like this would be right up his alleyway. He is the Demon Lord of Greed after all.” Mom told me with a soft chuckle. “By the way dear. You have greatly impressed your aunts and uncles.”
“Why doesn’t that fill me with excitement?” I snarked.
“Let’s just say that having them backing you up is a good thing.” Mom told me with her own smirk. “Come on kiddo let’s get you dressed. We still have a lot to get done today. The first of which is introducing you to your minions and setting up your office staff.”
“Office staff? Why would I need an office let alone a staff?” I asked her as I pulled off the night gown I was wearing.
“Where do you think the concept for Bureaucracy and red tape came from?” Mom snarked then gave me a lopsided grin. “Just between you and me. Your father has cursed the day he thought of the idea.”
“Then it’s his own damned fault. He probably thought that it would be a great way to corrupt mortals. Only it came back to bight him in the ass.” I chuckled as I pulled in my wings and tail. I quickly pulled on my bra and panties. As I hooked the clasp to my bra I noticed that it and the matching panty were made from some type of silk. “Mom, I know that these are made from silk but what kind?”
“Nothing special really. Just a few strands of ghost spider silk. Best use of that bothersome crap. All things considered I have to say that it was one of Baraqiel’s better ideas. The really nice thing about ghost spider silk. It holds its magical properties. That’s why everything you own is either made from or lined with the stuff.” Mom told me.
“Why is that a good thing mom?” I asked her as I pulled on a black silk blouse. “What is so special about ghost spider silk?”
“No matter what you’re wearing at the time you can unfold your wings and tail while not destroying your clothing. So long as it has threads made of ghost spider silk in its construction.” Mom explained for me as pulled a pair of stockings up my legs. When they reached the tops of my thighs I felt a tingling sensation run down both legs. Mom saw my shiver and gave me a small smile. “Be careful, Ashley. Ghost spider silk has been known to cause certain reactions in dragonoids.”
“That would have been nice to know before hand mom.” I grumbled. Then giggled at the leather skirt she held out. “You can’t be serious?”
“Dead serious. Now put it on.” Mom snarled. “You have got to get used to wearing them anyway. Besides you really should dress in a professional manner for your first day at work.”
“What’s going on mom?” I asked her as I pulled on the skirt.
“You’ll be meeting the Lilium shortly dear. Not to mention all your other minions.” Mom told me as she set a pair of 5in pumps on the floor. “These should go nicely with your outfit. We’ll pair the skirt and shoes with a one nice waist length jacket.”
“Mom I got to ask. You’re being rather blasé about this. What gives here?” I asked her as I stepped into the pumps. “Damn this is going to take some getting used to. Don’t I have any shoes with a lower heel?”
“Those are your lowest heels dear. As for my blasé attitude. Let’s just say that I have seen a great deal of crazy and far out in my life. What is happening to you isn’t the craziest thing or the furthest out there.” Mom told me with sad grin. “I’m just happy that you’re alive.”
“Why do you say that mom?” I asked her as I pulled on the matching jacket to my skirt and shoes.
“Because a few of your aunts and uncles on the other side have a habit of getting carried away with the whole ‘smite the unclean’ bit.” Mom snarled. Then softened her look before explaining. “It all started during the war.”
“Never mind mom. I think I get the idea. As it is I’ve already had one of them try and kill me.” I snarked. “Just because I refused to be judged.”
“So you father told me. Next time don’t drop your weapon. Run the bastard through and end the problem.” Mom snarled.
“Damn mom. I’ve never seen you like this. You’re always telling me to turn the other cheek or walk away.” I told her.
“Normally I would agree with you dear. However, these are not normal circumstances. The Heavenly Virtues, not mention a few other angels, would happily kill you for no other reason than you’re Lucifer’s daughter.” Mom told me harshly. “From now you face off against an oversized chicken.”
“Don’t worry mom. I’m done holding back. That asshole Gabriel crossed the line. If my father hadn’t stopped me. I would be using that assholes wings to make the biggest buffalo wings in history.” I snarled.
“Really Ashley. Buffalo Wings? Can’t you show a little more imagination than that?” Mom huffed before she chuckled.
“Well at the time I was thinking about making a chicken potpie out of the asshole.” I told her with a chuckle of my own. My chuckle was interrupted by the grumbling of my stomach. “Any chance of getting something to eat?”
“We’ll swing by the staff cafeteria on our way to your office. They should have a something tasty on the spit to fill that pit you call a stomach.” Mom told me with a grin. “Before we go though. We need to see to your makeup. Nothing major. Just a minor illusion.”
Before I could stop her mom waved her hands and felt the magic settling around my head. As the spell worked I looked into the mirror that covered the door to my wardrobe. After a few second the magic vanished. Leaving behind a teenage supermodel with perfect makeup and hair. Mom just smiled. “Can I cook or what?”
“Holy shit! I’m like smoking hot. How much of that is the magic and how much of it is me?” I whispered.
“That is all you kiddo. The magic only highlighted what was there.” Mom told me as she put her arms around me. “Come on. Let’s get you fed.”
-----tbc------
What would you do if you found out that you were the child of Lucifer and what is basically an immortal woman? Will you rale against Fate? Would you curse God for who your parents were? Would you face the oncoming battle for your soul with a smile? Would you curl up in a ball and hope that it was all a dream? That is the problem facing one young man as his reality changes.
Chapter 14
I meet my staff.
Day unknown.
After getting some tasty grilled breakfast steaks in gravy, and hard fried eggs mom took me across the palace courtyard to a massive office building. Yes I said palace. It seems that dear old daddy has a thing for the classic trappings of power. Between a palace modeled after Versailles and an office building modeled after the Empire State Building I would swear that Lucifer was overcompensating for something. Only problem with that thought is I know that Lucifer is only being true to his Word.
Everywhere I look. I see the influence of Pride in everything. As we enter the building’s ground floor lobby I am brought up short. In the center of the floor is a massive circular shield. The damned thing was a parody of the United States Presidential Seal. In the center of the shield was a bald eagle with its wings spread. The crazy thing about the eagle was the feathers were made from bullets. Clutched in the left hand claw were 13 ICBM missiles in the right was a massive wad of $100 bills.
Just beyond the seal was a reception desk with a gigantic blood red tapeworm wearing a security guard’s uniform. Off to one side was one of those index things that list office occupants. Then there were the elevator attendants. I swear by all that is unholy they’re gargoyles. Not those ugly stone statue types you see hanging out on top of cathedrals. I’m talking about the ones with huge ass muscles and good looking. Talk about a head trip.
As we rode the elevator to the 48th floor I thought back over the last few days of my life. Just a few days ago I was your typical teenage boy. With all the normal worries. Now I’m the daughter of Lucifer and a Princess of Hell with minions. The kick in the head is the way all the demons and devils are acting around me. I swear the elevator gargoyle tried to become one with the wall than stand next to me and mom.
“Mom what’s up with everyone giving us a wide berth?” I asked her.
“They can feel your power dear. In Hell status is equal to power. The stronger you are the more respect the masses give you. There are only two people in all of Hell that are more powerful than you. Your father and Asmodeus. Though in a straight up fight you would roll Asmodeus for her lunch money.” Mom told me with a straight face.
“What about you mom? Couldn’t you take her?” I asked.
“Only in my dragonoid or dragon forms. In my humanoid form your Aunt can kick my ass.” Mom told me with a grin. “Not that she’ll ever try. Not after the last time she pissed me off. I think it was sometime around June seventh, nineteen-seventeen during the Battle of Messines in France. The Saint Eloi creator is still there from our little tiff.”
“Holy SHIT MOM! You call blasting a four hundred meter wide creator a little tiff?!” I asked in total disbelief because I knew the creator she was talking about. According to history that creator was made from a mine explosion during the Battle of Ypres.
“It would have been worse if I hadn’t held back.” Mom chuckled as the gargoyle tried to make himself even smaller against the wall. Mom saw this and sighed. “Oh, relax Joseph. You’re safe for now.”
“No offence Lady Lilith, but if you can hold your own against Lady Asmodeus in a fight. I would rather faceoff with a Hellhound in heat.” Joseph chuckled just as the elevator chimed. “Your floor Ladies.”
“Wow!” I whispered as I looked around the office area that we stopped at. Everywhere I looked speaks of wealth and power. I’m talking about Fortune 500 club company wealth and power. The surprising thing about the reception area was the receptionist. I could tell right away that she was a human soul. Lowering my voice so that only mom could hear me. “Mom why is there a human soul working as a receptionist on this floor?”
“This is her personal Hell, Princess Ashley. Gretchen over there wanted to be an actress in her human life. To achieve that goal, she used then betrayed more than a few of her friends. To her working a nine to five office job was worse than hell. So, when she died back in nineteen-fifty-three. She was sent down here. Her eternal punishment is to work at that desk for ten hours every day for one-hundred years for every person she betrayed. I think she has something like five thousand years left on her sentence here before she moves onto her next punishment.” A female devil told me as she exited the office. “Welcome to Lilium Bounty Hunters, Princess Ashley.”
I knew she was a Lilium and not a succubus because of her wings and tail. Mom told me that succubae have batwings and no tails. Lilium on the other hand have birdlike wings while their tails have a flat blade like tip. With the exception of her red skin color the demon looked like me. No wonder Aunt Asmodeus was willing to grant me control over these devils. I should say women. Because I could fell that there was more than just one on this floor.
“Jesmond have the rest of your sisters gathered?” Mom asked her.
“Only the heads for each clan Lady Lilith. I felt that it would be best to not overwhelm Princess Ashley on her first day.” Jesmond told us.
“Then I’ll let you handle the introductions.” Mom told her before turning to me. “Ashley, I’ll see you later at dinner.”
“Aren’t you sticking around mom?” I asked with a little worry.
“Ashley I have my own duties to see to. Your father has seen fit to saddle me with overseeing the dragon and dragonoid population of Hell.” Mom grumbled as she pushed the call button for the elevator. “If you have any questions my office is on the next floor up.”
“Okay mom. See you this evening.” I said as I gave her quick hug before turning to Jesmond. “Lead the way Jesmond.”
“If you’ll follow me Princess.” She said with a slight bow. As we walked pass the reception desk Gretchen flinched in pain. “Get back to work bitch.”
“What was that all about?” I asked her.
“Part of that bitch’s punishment to type twenty-five pages an hour with no mistakes. For every mistake she receives an electrical shock to her privet parts. Gretchen used her body to become a movie starlet. She literally fucked her way into the movies. She did whatever it took to get staring rolls in movies and screw over her competition. She left a trail of broken men and women in her wake. Never carrying what she did to those around her. Even her best friend.” Jesmond told me as we entered the conference room.
I took one look at the seven women in the room and knew that they were sizing me up. I’ve been getting these looks all my life. There was always some asshole wanting to tangle with the new kid. Just to prove they were the big bad ass on campus. I put more than a few of them in hospital. The rest I just sent to the school nurse and reported to the Headmaster. I could tell these women were going to try and prove to Lucifer that I didn’t deserve my position as their leader. Find by me.
“Let’s get this over with shall. Who wants the first swing?” I asked them.
“I’ll take it.” The tallest and biggest of them snarled. As she stepped around the table I grinned. “Why are you grinning like a fool?”
“Oh, I figured that you would be the dumbass to challenge me.” I chuckled then kicked her in the crotch as hard as I could. As she doubled over I kneed her in the jaw. Went she stood upright from the blow. I punched her in the mouth as hard as I could. Her head snapped back, and her eyes rolled back in her head as she fell over out cold. “Next.”
“Bloody hell! She didn’t even use her true form and she still kicked Annabel’s ass.” One of the other clan leaders gasped.
“You were all warned that Princess Ashley was not only an uncommon warrior but a truly powerful one as well.” Jesmond told them all with a chuckle. “Annabel thought that she could intimidate our Princess because of her size. Princess Ashley may be smaller than most of us here, but she just handed the biggest of us their ass.”
“Look as fun as this has been let’s put all of cards on the table and get the dick measuring out of the way.” I told them with a snide smile. I unfolded my wings and tail. “I’m just like you.”
“Not hardly Princess. Once we were the Valkyrie of Odin and Freyja. Until the Priests of Christianity came to our homeland. They decried that the old Gods were false. We were cast down from our rightful place as the choosers of the slain, and guides to Valhalla. Replaced by angels.” Jesmond told me.
“So basically, you’re the fallen angels of Norse mythology. Instead of being seen as rebels you were demonized instead because you were women. Talk about getting the shitty end of the stick.” I grumbled. “No wonder daddy and Aunt Pain in my Ass were willing to stick me with leading you.”
“Why do you say that Princess Ashley?” One of the other Lilium asked.
“Simple. All of you have an ax to grind and have no problems with putting assholes in their place. Much like myself.” I told her honestly.
“I doubt that Princess. You were born with human right of Free Choice. You haven’t even finished your judgement.” One of the others said.
“I believe that this settled the matter with the powers that be.” I told her as I flipped my coin across the table. When she grabbed it from the air the woman screamed in pain. As she dropped the coin it burned a circle into the top of the table. Picking it up I smiled. “I thought as much. How many of you have one of these?”
“None Princess. You are the only one here who has been cast down by the Heavenly Virtues.” Jesmond told me and the others.
“I hope this puts an end to the dick waving. If not I’ll be more than happy to beat the dog shit out each and every one of you.” I snarled. As one they all bowed to me except for Annabel who was still unconscious. “Good. Jesmond if you would please make the introductions?”
“By Clan we have Annabel Delmonico on the floor. Susanna of the Northern Winds. Mavis of the Dragon. Arla of the Fjords. Elsa of the Frozen North. Sophia of the Desert Wastes. The one with the burnt hand is Cassadee McCloud of the Clan McCloud.” Jesmond told me with a small smile.
I couldn’t help myself when I heard the last one. With a grin I said that classic movie line. “There can be one.”
“Damnation. I swear if I ever get my hands on Gregory Widen. I will personally cut his balls off with a dull spoon.” Cassadee snarled as the rest of the lilium snickered or even laughed outright.
“It’s your own fault Cassadee. You were supposed to seduce then corrupt the man. Not become his muse.” Jesmond told her with a soft chuckle.
“Am I missing something here?” I asked in confusion.
“Besides hunting down escaped souls. One of our duties is the corruption of certain influential mortals.” Cassadee told me. “Those are normally long term missions that can last for up to decades.”
“I thought that was the duty of the succubae?” I asked them.
“Usually. Though there are always a few mortals that require the attention of a warrior.” Cassadee told me.
“Okay I can see that. I think.” I told her then looked around the room. “Where is the leader for the Hellhounds?”
“We do not allow those beasts on the executive floor.” Elsa snarled.
“Will you better get used to them being around. Because from now on. None of you will go anywhere on Earth without a Hellhound escort.” I told them all.
“I won’t saddle one of my clan with a mutt.” Elsa snarled.
“From what I understand. I’m the HBIC around here. Not only of you but the Hellhounds as well. I know for a fact that far too many souls have escaped from Hell because someone hasn’t been doing their damned jobs lately. I won’t even go into the sheer number of ghosts running around that are unaccounted for.” I snarled. “In the short I became Hell’s Bounty Hunter I’ve lost count of the number of ghosts I’ve seen wondering the world of mortals.”
“Excuse me Princess Ashley. There is a good reason for the number of ghosts now roaming the world realm.” Susanna said speaking up for the first time.
“Alright. What is this reason?” I demanded.
“In the last forty years we have lost too many sisters.” Susanna said.
“Why have your numbers been reduced? What’s happening?” I demanded.
“Someone other than our opposite numbers in Heaven have been targeting us during our regular duties on Earth. We have lost close to four score of our number in the last five years.” Jesmond told me honestly.
“That is another reason for your new escorts. I will not have one of my people getting killed if I can help it.” I snarled. When I saw the looks of confusion on their faces I sighed. “I might only be a babe compared to the rest of you, but I know military and law enforcement tactics.”
“How will being paired with a Hellhound help in our duties?” Susanna asked.
“Humans have been using dogs to hunt both men and animals for centuries. Hellhounds naturally want to hunt damned souls. Hellhounds may have once been mortals but now they’re beasts. Beasts that know their own kind.” I tell them all with a nasty smile before calling out. “Helga!”
“You have need of me Mistress?” The Hellhound asked as she appeared next to me. She took one look at where she was and grinned. “Whoa! Swanky digs.”
“Silence bitch! I have need for your siblings.” I snapped as the massive Hellhound blinked in confusion. “Summon the heads for your clan.”
“At once Mistress.” Helga told me then finished.
“This is a bad idea Princess. The Hellhounds will not listen to us.” Elsa told me with sad smile.
“They’ll either get with the fucking new program or they’ll need up dead. Only this time. They won’t be coming back.” I snarled. Then chuckled at their looks of shock. “Oh yes ladies. I’ve already figured out that we can be killed. I’ve also figured out that it takes a soul weapon to kill an immortal. Something that only angels, devils, and demons own.”
“There are other supernatural beings that have such weapons Princess. There is at least one or two for each mythology.” Mavis told me with a knowing grin. At my questioning look she giggled. “I’m basically the librarian and historian for the Lilium, Princess.”
“What exactly does that mean?” I asked her.
“Mavis rarely if ever leaves Hell. Her main duty is to keep a record of our individuals assignments. The last time she left was in eighteen-eighty-eight to hunt down Jack the Ripper.” Jesmond told me.
“Who was that asshole?” I asked her.
“Jacob Moore. A mindless fanatic of the Monarchy, who died as he lived. In total obscurity. The fool believed that the Prince and some hooker had a secretly married and then had a child. A child that was considered a threat to the Crown.” Mavis answered.
“Who killed him?” I asked her.
“An upstanding Inspector for Scotland Yard. I think his name was Edmond Reid. I have to say that a Colt Peacemaker is a nasty weapon.” Mavis told me with a shiver. “Those bullets pack a punch.”
“Be thankful it wasn’t a four-forty-five Webley Revolver. Those things really pack a punch.” I told her with a chuckle. Then a thought accorded to me. “I thought that mortals weapons can’t hurt us?”
“Oh, they can hurt us. They just can’t kill us.” Mavis told me with a chuckle. “Word of advice Princess. Don’t ever get shoot. It takes forever to heal bullet holes and the blood ruins your clothes.”
“I’ll be sure to remember that.” I chuckled then jumped as ten of the biggest damned dogs I’ve ever seen appeared in the room. “Holy Shit! Helga!”
“Sorry Mistress. I tried to bring them through the lobby but the guard kind of stopped us at the elevator.” Helga whined. That was when I noticed something about her. Helga was the smallest. She was also the only Hellhound that was a Weimaraner. Making her the only hunting dog in the group. The others were all Doberman Pinschers, Rottweilers, or a Bull Mastiffs. She was also the only female in the bunch. For her to be not only the smallest and leader for this group of damned souls then Helga must be one badass bitch.
“I’ll take care that later. I need you to make introductions and pair your pack up with one of the Lilium.” I ordered her.
“I’m no lap dog to be commanded by a woman.” The biggest of the bunch snarled.
I didn’t waste my time with the shithead. I knew that he was a pedophile in his former life. Time to make an example for those gathered here. I blasted the stupid fuck with a Hellbolt. I don’t know where the knowledge for the spell came from. I just knew that it would end the creature’s life. As tiny pieces of burnt Hellhound littered the floor I snarled.
“Next!” As one the remaining Hellhounds bowed their heads in submission. Even the Lilium dropped to one knee with the heads bowed. “Now I see what mom meant by power equals status.”
“You just now figured that my daughter.” Lucifer asked as he appeared in the far corner of the room. “Though I must ask you to not destroy my more loyal followers. Punishing them is one thing but destroying them is another.”
“I won’t make that promise daddy.” I sneered. “They challenge me. I will end them where they stand. To do otherwise will go against my Word.”
“True.” Lucifer sighed then chuckled. “Though I doubt it will take long for word of your temper to spread throughout the underworld.”
“Good. Now to what do I own the pleasure of your presence daddy? I know you didn’t come down here just to chew me out for sitting an example.” I said.
“Very true. It seems that Heaven has taken issue with you sidestepping your Judgement.” Lucifer told me with a grin.
“Which one of my Heavenly aunts or uncles want to rumble?” I asked sweetly.
“Why is the Princess smiling?” Elsa asked of Jesmond.
“Don’t ask me. I’ve only known her for an hour.” Jesmond told her. “Though I got a feeling that it doesn’t bode well for someone.”
“It doesn’t.” I told them then turned back to Lucifer. “So, which who will I be facing and where?”
“Uriel the archangel of the virtue of Patience has claimed the right to challenge you next. This will be a direct confrontation between the two of you.” Lucifer told me with a chuckle. “You should know that she is more than a little upset with you for jumping the gun.”
“When did I jump the gun and on what?” I asked him.
“When you picked up that coin you accepted your place in the hierarchy of Hell. You have to remember that your Heavenly aunts and uncles feel that they are the only ones fit to judge us. You took that choice from them.” Lucifer told me with a sad smile. “Uriel was actually betting that you would fail all seven trials before accepting your coin.”
“Why does it feel like she has a personal grudge against me?” I asked him.
“Because Uriel is in charge of Heaven’s Intelligence Corps. She prides herself on her ability to outthink her foes. She is usually right one hundred percent of the time. Any time that something or someone does go the way she predicts it pisses her off.” Lucifer told me with a grin.
“Then I shouldn’t keep the lady waiting. Where does she want to throw down and when?” I asked with a nasty grin.
“Midnight tonight at Golgotha outside of Jerusalem.” Lucifer told me bluntly.
“Okay. Can we give the bitch anymore of an advantage?” I snarled.
“Golgotha is natural ground Ashley. It belongs to neither Heaven nor Hell. It only belongs to Death.” Lucifer told me.
“Fine. Only one more question.” I said then asked. “How do I get there?”
“I know the way Mistress. All Hellhounds can smell the place of our rebirth.” Helga snorted from my side.
“Helga this is between me and my aunt. You can show me the way, but you cannot interfere with our fight.” I told her.
“We all know the rules, Mistress. We may not like them, but Hell abides by them.” Helga snarled. “It’s those holier than thou dipshits that break them.”
“Tell me something I don’t know.” I snarled.
“Be careful daughter. If you anger more than one of your Heavenly aunts and uncles. They will come for you in mass. Remember we are trying to prevent a resumption of war.” Lucifer warned me.
“Don’t worry daddy. Unlike most of the kids in my generation. I remember that old saying concerning angels and devils.” I told him with a grin. “Let’s go Helga. I got an ass to kick.”
“At once Mistress.” Helga answered before transporting us from the room. If we had stuck around we would had heard an interesting conversation.
“My Lord Lucifer. What old saying was Princess Ashley talking about?” Jesmond asked of my father.
“There is an old saying from the American Southwest. It says to never gamble with angels or devils. They both cheat.” Lucifer told her with a chuckle.
“Why do I have a feeling that Princess Ashley is going cheat?” Mavis asked.
“Because she will.” Lucifer chuckled.
Chapter 15
I’ve never been a patient person.
The Hill of Golgotha, Midnight.
We appeared in a blaze of flames and smoke. I looked down at the city of Jerusalem. One of the most Holy Cities in the world. Not to mention one of the most contested cities. Three major religions lay claim to this place. “Talk about mess. It would be such a beautiful city if only people could leave religion and politics out of the place.”
“I must say Princess. You must truly hate religion.” Helga snorted.
“No Helga I don’t hate religion. I hate the men who use religion to push their own hatred on others.” I told her only to hear a chuckle behind me. I don’t bother to turn around. “Hello Aunt Uriel. How shall we deal with you trial? Hand to hand? Weapons? Tiddlywinks at ten paces?”
“A simple game of chess, Ashley. I have never been one for violence. I much prefer to use my intellect.” Uriel told me. I felt her magic summing something as I turned to face her. There between us was a table and two chairs. On the table was 3 dimensional chess board and chess timer. “Shall we flip for the right to go first?”
“Seeing as how the pieces are angels and devils it doesn’t matter.” I told her I took my seat nearest the devils.
“Oh, but it does dear niece. You see. The pieces change to match their owner.” Uriel told me honestly. “The last time this set was used. It was when I played against your Aunt Leviathan.”
“She lost the toss and ended up black.” I chuckled then asked. “May I know what the stakes were for your game?”
“Oh, we were playing for the soul of England’s first female Prime Minister. Sadly, I lost. Then again by all rights Margret was Hell’s property to begin with. Just as most politicians are really.” Uriel grumbled. “You lot really do not play fair when it comes to politics.”
“Yeah don’t hate the players, hate the game, Aunt Uriel.” I told her with a chuckle. “I hate to say this about my own nation, but democracy is one of the most corrupt forms of government at times.”
“Such a jaded point of view. What could have happened in the world to produce such torture soul in one so young.” Uriel mused as she held out a gold US dollar coin. “Heads or tails. Call it in the air.”
“I’ve always favored tails.” I told her as she flipped the coin. When it landed on the table the tails side was up. “Looks like I go first.”
“That it does.” Uriel told me as the devil pieces turned white. “It has been seven centuries since those pieces were white.”
“Just lucky I guess.” I told her as I moved my first pawn and slapped the clock. “By the way Aunt Uriel. What are we playing for?”
“Nothing. I just want to see if you have the patience to have mastered the game of Kings and Queens.” She told me as she made her first move.
“If that were the case. You should have brought out a GO board.” I told her then moved my next piece.
“Why do you say that Ashley?” Uriel asked me as she moved her next piece.
“Chess is a game of give and take much like the seduction of any politician. GO is a game of territory and strategy. It might only take a few hours to learn, but it truly takes a lifetime to master.” I told her and made my move opening up my Queen’s knight.
“Interesting opening.” Uriel said with a smile as she made her opening move. “You still haven’t answered my question from earlier.”
“What question is that Uriel?” I asked her as I studied the board.
“What happened to give you such a jaded point of view towards politics?” Uriel asked me bluntly. “Most young people still believe in the system.”
“Simple. The twenty-twenty presidential election and everything that has happened since then. I watched as both parties used a national crises to win. Instead of working tighter to end the crises. They used it to pit our nation’s people against one another.” I told her and made my next move. “Sure, I know that politicians lie. Yet what happened during that election and the ones following it turn my stomach. Instead of uniting the country as they promised. They’ve done nothing more than drive a greater wedge between the people. All in the hopes of staying in power or putting more money in their pockets. Both political parties did all of that and more while accusing the other side of corruption. None of them are worth the fifty-seven cents to blow their worth asses straight to hell.”
“I must say Ashley. You have very unhealthy amount of disrespect for your earthly nation’s leaders. You make them sound like a pack of money grubbing criminals.” Uriel told me as she made her next move.
“Then do something about it. The last time I looked I know of at least two of the ten commandments. That each and every last one of them has broken on numerous occasions. You know the ones that say. Thou shall not steal, and Thou shall not bare false witness.” I told as I made my next move. “By the way. Checkmate in four moves Aunt Uriel.”
“Nice try Ashley, but bluffing is a form of lying. Not something you’re good at. Not that is a bad treat in a human but for a Princess of Hell it is a true handicap.” Uriel told me with a soft chuckle. Then made her move. “Like I said earlier your father and his people don’t play fair when it comes to politics. I think that the last politician to ever make it through the Gates was Lincon but don’t quote me on that. Your move.”
“Like I said earlier Aunt Uriel. Hate the game, not the players. I believe in the idea of democracy. I believe in the Constitution. What I don’t believe in is the idea of only one party. Which is what the current administration is pushing. There must be a set of checks and balances in government. Without those you have a dictatorship.” I told and made my next move. “Check.”
“What?” Uriel asked in surprise then chuckled as she took my knight with her rook. Then with a smile. “Nicely done Ashley. Though not good enough.”
“Like I said earlier checkmate in four. That was only my first move. This is my second.” I told her and took her rook with my bishop. “Your move.”
“What the blazes?” She asked in even more surprise. My move forced her to counter by taking bishop with her own knight.
“Check.” I told her and took her knight with my queen. “I suggest you castle. Oh wait. You can’t castle.”
“Damn. Where did you learn to play chess?” She asked as she used her queen to take mine. Only to realize too late that it was a trap. “Damn it. Why do I feel like I just fell into your trap.”
“Checkmate.” I told her and took her queen with my rook. “Care for another game Aunt Uriel? I have all the time in the world.”
“Nicely done.” Uriel chuckled as she tipped her king over. “While I would love to sit here and play chess. We both have other duties. Do try to keep your nose clean in the human world.”
“I have no intention of breaking the law Aunt Uriel. You are right that I do have unfinished business to attend to. Namely a certain church.” I snarled.
“Ah yes. That reverend has been pushing his personal brand of hate in God’s name for too long. He really most be dealt with. Sadly, he is part of the Great Plan, and we just can’t remove him from play. Which means you cannot go riding in Hell bent on vengeance.” Uriel told me with a grin. “Thankfully the human law enforcement is investigating them.”
“Ah damn, and here I was hoping to tear the little shits limb from limb.” I snarked before standing up. “Before I go can I offer you a little advice?”
“What would that be?” She asked me.
“Stay out of my way and keep your nose out of my business. I’m not like my father or any of the Mortal Sins. You cross me. I won’t care about the truce. I will end you.” I snarled. “Before you go thinking that you can handle me think again. What I did to Gabriel was nothing more than a warmup.”
“If that was a warmup. Why do I have the feeling that when you really get pissed off. You’ll level a city.” Uriel said to me.
“The best way to describe me when I get pissed is to use the words of a famous man. I have become death the destroyer of worlds.” I told her with a sickly sweet smile. “Don’t cross me Aunt Uriel. This is your only warning.”
“Enjoy your time on earth, child.” Uriel told me and vanished.
“Welp, that was fun.” I snorted. I looked over at Helga grinning. “Want to have some before we go home girl?”
“I smell an escaped soul. One that has great number of sins on weighting heavily upon it.” Helga told me then took a deep breath. “He’s in Rome.”
“Sounds good to me. Maybe we can even have a little fun along the way.” I told her with a chuckle. “Like corrupt a few of the local nuns.”
“That would be fun, but you do know that could get us into trouble with the people upstairs.” Helga told me with more than a little warning in her voice.
“Won’t be nothing new. Besides, isn’t it like part of our jobs? You know that whole tempting of the Holy?” I asked her.
“That’s not really a Valkyrie’s or Hellhound’s job, Mistress. We’re not exactly built for seducing or corrupting mortals.” Helga told me.
“Then what exactly is our job?” I sighed.
“We are hunters, Mistress. We drag those who escape from Hell back to face their punishment.” Helga explained for me.
“Oh well. If that’s the case. Let’s find this escaped soul.” I told her as we vanished from the hilltop in a poof of smoke and flames.
Chapter 16
I bag my first escapee.
Rome. Day unknown.
We appeared just in front of Trevi Fountain. This time there was flames or smoke. We just appeared. Talk about freaky. Helga immediately began to sniff the air. “This way Mistress. Our prey is just beyond the fountain square.”
“Let’s bag this asshole. I got a feeling that the people upstairs aren’t going to take to kindly to us tromping through their backyard.” I told her.
“You there! Fallen One! Why do you defile most Holy Rome?!” An off duty Swiss Guard member shouted. Causing everyone to look at him like he was nuts. Me I just ignored the shithead and went about my business. Somewhere nearby was an escapee from Hell. It was my job to bring them back. The man made one mistake. He grabbed me by the arm. “I asked you a question witch?!”
“I don’t have time for you dipshit.” I snarled and punched him in the gut. “Do you yourself a favor. Learn to know when you’re outmatched.”
As I followed Helga from the fountain square I caught the looks of the people surrounding us. None of them had ever seen a member of the Swiss Guard put down in such a manner. It was common knowledge that if you were stopped by the Guard. You obeyed them. They were the official guardians of the Vatican. The fact that I just punched one of them hard enough to put him down went against everything they believed. What really blew their minds was the fact that it was a five foot six inch petite woman that did it.
“Nicely done Mistress. I must say that you have just delivered a long overdue and well-deserved blow to the belief of infallibility in the Swiss Guard.” Helga snorted. “I just wish that it was one of the Inquisitors.”
“All in good time Helga. Like the old saying goes. No ones expects the Spanish Inquisition!” I told her in a bad English accent while holding up my left hand in a fist. My bad acting had the desired effect on the Hellhound. It got her to chuckle then all of a sudden she snorted. “What you girl?”
“The soul we hunt just went into that cafe. This is strange Mistress. I smell someone I have hunted before, but I know that they are bound in the nineth circle of Hell by chains of unbreakable demon iron.” Helga told me. I could hear the confusion in her voice. “They should still be there. Yet I can smell their stench on this street.”
“Helga if there is one thing I know. Nothing is escape proof. If you give someone enough time. They will escape.” I told her as I thought about my job. “Even here in the mortal realm this is true.”
“Hell is supposed to be the inescapable prison.” Helga told me on confusion.
“In the words of the Savoir. On Earth as it is in Heaven. This is more than just a promise Helga. It is a statement of fact. Everything that happens on earth happens in both Heaven and Hell.” I told her. “If a person can escape from prison on earth. Then they can escape from Hell.”
“Does that mean we can earn parole from Hell as well?” Helga asked me.
“If the guys upstairs are playing by the rules they set. Then yes.” I told her as I saw a man bolt from the café the moment he was us. “Damn. Do they always run like this?”
“Usually.” Helga snarled as she took off running after our prey.
“Damn it. I’m not dressed for something like this.” I grumbled. I took off chasing down the two of them. I thought our chase was at an end when the man jumped into a Lamborghini Huracán EVO Spyder. As the sports car speed away. Helga stopped dead in the center of the road. As I came to stop next to her I felt a wave of magic come over me. Without thinking I shaped the magic and found myself dressed in a back leather catsuit with thigh high boots holding a motorcycle helmet. “Now all I need is a motorcycle.”
“Just call for your Hell cycle Mistress.” Helga told me.
“My what?” I asked in confusion.
“Your earthly mode of transportation.” Helga told me.
“Okay whatever you say.” I said and thought about this Hell cycle. There was a sudden blaze of flame and a solid black stretched chopper appeared out of nowhere. It looked like it jumped off the pages of a Ghost Rider comic book. “Holy shit! That thing is a fucking beast.”
“I must said Mistress. Of all the Hell cycles that I have seen ridden by the Lilium. Yours is the only one that is a true representation of Hell.” Helga told me as she walked around the chopper. “I can feel the power coming off of this beast. She is unlike any other Hell mount.”
“Whatever. So long as she is fast I don’t care. I got a bounty to collect.” I told her as I pulled on my helmet and mounted the chopper. I had no sooner taken my seat than the engine fired over. The engine’s roar was unlike anything made on earth. I shifted into first gear and slowly let out the clutch. As I pulled away from the sidewalk the wheels blazed with a hellish flames. It didn’t take me along to catch up with the Lamborghini. As I pulled alongside the car I got my first good look at the escaped soul.
I knew that the man behind the wheel was truly the most evil of souls. I’m talking about a soul that was so black that even in Hell. This soul stood out. What I did next was totally off the wall. I reached through the driver’s side window. When I say that I reached through the window I mean my hand passed through the glass as if it was made of water. With my hand inside of the car I quickly grabbed the soul. Once I had a hold of the soul I pulled.
I don’t know how to describe the sensation. It was like I was holding a black mist in my hand somehow. Now that I had my hands on the soul I could ‘see’ all of the evil this man had committed on earth. I also knew who he once was on earth. I held in my hands one of the most vile men to ever work for the Holy Roman Church. I held the soul of Tomás de Torquemada. He was a Castilian Dominican friar and first Grand Inquisitor of the Tribunal of the Holy Office otherwise known as the Spanish Inquisition.
“You betrayed your faith Father. Like all traitors you belong in the nineth circle of Hell. You know the sad part. You didn’t even realize what you were doing was evil in the first place.” I snarled and opened a portal to Hell. As I rode into the swirling flames that appeared before me I was greeted by the screams of millions of damned souls. As I neared the Gates the souls of the newly dead shied away from my blazing cycle. The demon guards didn’t even slow me down. They only open the gate and moved out of the way. I might have gone 15ft when Helga appeared by side me running for all she was worth. Strangely here in Hell she was able to keep up with me and my Hell cycle.
“Where the hell have you been?” I asked her.
“I might be fast down here, but on earth I am only as fast as a normal dog.” Helga grumbled. “It’s the trade off me make for being able to travel between Hell and the mortal world.”
“Is that why I had to use a motorcycle to chase down this piece of shit?” I asked her as we rode through the first circle of Hell.
“Pretty much, Mistress. Unless you’re fighting against your Heavenly opposite your ability to use your full power is denied. As are all Heavenly and Damned creatures. It limits the damage that we can cause in the mortal world.” Helga explained for me as we passed under the Three Judges of the Underworld.
“What business do you have before us, Princess Ashley. You have a soul that has already been judged.” Minos rumbled.
“Just returning a scumbag to his rightful place in Hell, your Honor.” I called out as I continued to ride pass them. “I hope that they don’t plan on questioning me every time I pass through here.”
“More than likely Mistress. It is their duty to judge all souls upon entering Hell, Mistress.” Helga told me with a chuckle. “They’re not going to like the fact that you just rode pass them without stopping.”
“Let me guess. One of them is going to file a complaint with the department of transportation.” I snarked.
“More like file a total of nine complaints all in triplicate. Each complaint will have to be answered individually and in triplicate. All which must be refiled with the Hell’s DOT. Not to mention the use of a Hell cycle in their courtroom. That alone is enough to get you a summons before the Director for Hell’s DOT.” Helga told me with a chuckle.
“How much paperwork am I looking at Helga?” I asked as we entered the second circle of Hell. When I hear her chuckle I know that I won’t like the answer.
“One of the tortures of Hell is paperwork, Mistress.” Helga chuckled.
-----tbc-----
PS. Sorry for the delay. I have been busy with making repairs to the fence along the back 40 of my farm. It seems that a few of the tourists don't like the idea of me fencing off my farm. A few of them go so far as to cut holes in the fence so they can ride their ATVs through the part of my farm that buts up to the state park that boarders my farm. I hope that one of these days I'll catch them in the act.
What would you do if you found out that you were the child of Lucifer and what is basically an immortal woman? Will you rale against Fate? Would you curse God for who your parents were? Would you face the oncoming battle for your soul with a smile? Would you curl up in a ball and hope that it was all a dream? That is the problem facing one young man as his reality changes
Chapter 17
Paperwork. Hell’s greatest torture.
“Can someone please tell me. Why am I filling out a twenty-one page, single space, report on capturing an escapee?” I demanded of my seven clan heads.
“Princess Ashley, you preformed an unauthorized capture. A capture I might add that you preformed on Holy ground. First you attacked a member of the Swiss Guard in public view. You sicked your Hellhound guardian on your prey without any thought to the consequences. Namely mass panic among civilian bystanders. You then summoned your Hell cycle to the earthly plan without authorization. Where you then proceeded to engage in a high speed pursuit through the streets of Rome and onto a major Italian Interstate. Leaving behind a trail of melted asphalt. After capturing your prey, you summoned a Hell portal. You did all of this in view of several witnesses.” Jesmond told me from her desk then smirked. “Be thankful it’s only twenty-one pages. Lord Methuselah is going easy on you because this is your first time.”
“Okay I can deal with that. What I, don’t understand is why I have to use a typewriter? I could turn this out in half the time if I could use my laptop.” I bitched as I hit the return bar.
“The joys of paperwork in Hell.” Mom chuckled as she entered my office. When I looked up at her there was a small smile tugging at her lips. “One of the tortures is to use technology that you’ll be uncomfortable with Ashley.”
“So, if I was comfortable with a manual typewriter. I would have to write all of this out by hand?” I asked her.
“More like having to learn cuneiform or hieroglyphics.” Jesmond snorted.
“Knowing Methuselah, he would make her learn Martian. Just to screw her.” Mom snarked then chuckled at her own joke. “Then again he might allow her to use a desktop computer. If it was an Apple Lisa.”
“What’s an Apple Lisa?” I asked in confusion.
“The most diabolical computer ever developed by Steve Jobs. Only Bill Gates has corrupted more people.” Jesmond told me with a soft smile. “I have to say. The corruption of those two men has to be one of Lady Lilith’s greatest achievements. How she ever saw the impact that computers would have on the world is beyond my comprehension.” Jesmond sighed.
“That is why we are Hunters, sister.” Mavis said as she entered my office. “Excuse me Princess but I have the reports for the other captures. They need your signature and authorization before sending them to Central Processing.”
“How many?” I asked with a sigh.
“Not counting yours, Princess. Thirty-eight captures and nine eliminations. All nine eliminations were forced by outside elements.” Mavis told me.
“How often are our people forced to eliminate one of our prey?” I demanded.
“More often than we like to admit, Princess. The Forces of Chaos have been actively recruiting souls to upend the Grand Plan. We don’t know their goal, but all of these individuals have one thing in common. They want to bring about the End of Times, Armageddon, Ragnarök, whatever name you use it all means the same thing. The final confrontation between Good and Evil.” Mavis told me with a sad look in her eyes.
“Which nine were eliminated?” I asked her.
“Three CEOs, two stockbrokers, two South American cattle barons, one cyber billionaire, and something called a dotcom executive.” Mavis told me.
“The two stockbrokers along with the software tech monkeys I can see as being key members to bringing about Armageddon. What was the deal with the CEOs and cattlemen?” I asked her.
“All three CEOs used their golden parachutes during the bank Methuselah out of oh-eight. They destroyed more than three-hundred-thousand families. As for the cattlemen. They went out of their way to inflate the cost of their beef. I believe the term is price gouging. I won’t even go into how they came by the land they use for raising their cattle. Needless to say, their actions cause a number of families to die from hunger.” Mavis explained.
“Then why all the paperwork? Who cares is a bunch of assholes become nothing more than a memory?” I asked her.
“Those souls won’t get their chance at redemption, Princess. I know it sounds crazy, but it’s in the rules.” Jesmond told me.
“Okay I can see that. Even though we’re damned for all eternity mortal souls are offered a chance at redemption.” I quickly realized.
“Exactly, Princess. The kick in the head about the eliminations is those nine souls would have bolstered several of our ranks.” Mavis sighed.
“Nothing we can do about it now. Just make sure that the next time there is an elimination all the paperwork is in order. I’ll take the heat. That is my job.” I told them and began to sign the stack of reports.
“Excuse me, Princess.” Elsa said as she entered my office.
“What dog pissed in the road now?” I snarled.
“Did I just come at a bad time?” Elsa asked Jesmond and Mavis.
“No Elsa.” Mom chuckled. “My daughter is learning the joys of paperwork.”
“Oh.” Elsa said then she saw the look of impending mayhem in my eyes. “OH!”
“What is so damned urgent that you had to leave your hunt early?” I asked. I knew that it had to be bad if Elsa was in my office. She had already shown me that I could count on her and her clan.
“I was approached by the Angel Gadreel and Lady Tinaya the moment I appeared on the mortal plain.” Elsa told me bluntly.
“Aw, shit. What do those two shitheads want now?” Mom asked for me.
“They wish to discuss the terms of Hunting Rights to Princess Ashley’s old high school.” Elsa told her honestly.
“What the hell does that mean?” I demanded.
“All of your old schools were off limits to both Heaven and Hell while you were still on earth and mortal. Now that you have fallen those schools are no longer protected by the old agreement of noninterference.” Mom told me then explained. “The Angel Gadreel and Lady Tinaya represent the two halves of the same coin. For Hell that is the succubus. For Heaven it the Bright succubus. They may look like the same creature, but they’re not. The succubus feeds on sexual desire. While the bright succubus feeds on pain. To be exact they feed on emotional pain.”
“And high schools are chockfull of both pinned up pain and desire. Fertile feeding grounds for both sides.” I figured out quickly. “When I was attending school both sides stayed away. Now that I’m no longer there they figure that each side has rights to that school.”
“Which has led to an escalation of tensions between the two groups.” Elsa told me as she placed a rolled up scroll in front of me. “This is a formal request for a parlay on natural grounds.”
“Why is it coming to me?” I asked her in confusion.
“Because it was your old school. According to our traditions, you have first claim to those souls.” Jesmond told me quickly.
“Find. Tell them they’re free to share.” I told Elsa.
“It’s not that simple, Princess.” Jesmond said with a heavy sigh. “You have to hear out both sides’ reasons for hunting at your old school.”
“Don’t forget that you need to file a HD-five-oh-five-A request from for mediation on natural grounds.” Mavis told me.
“Why do I have a feeling that those two shitheads dropped this in my lap to avoid the paperwork?” I asked with snarl. When Mavis, Jesmond, and mom all chuckled I dropped my head on the desk. “How long is the damned form?”
“Only five pages, Ashley. The problem is it has to be filed with both home offices, and the IRS.” Mom told me with a small grin.
“What? You got to be kidding me? The IRS? Really?! What do I have to do pay taxes for holding a meeting on natural ground?” I asked in shock.
“No dear.” Mom chuckled. “The IRS in this situation is the Infernal Resources Service. They oversee all matters concerning the mortal realm.”
“Oh great. More bureaucratic bullshit.” I snarled then sighed asking. “Who do I got to talk with to cut through the red tape?”
“You could always try Jade’s Place, Princess.” Mavis suggested.
“Who’s Jade?” I asked her.
“Someone that you only go to as a last resort.” Mom told me. “File the paperwork first. If it get’s denied. Then you can go to Jade.”
“Fine.” I grumbled. “Bring me the form.”
Mavis just turned and left my office only to return a few minutes later pushing a handcart. The cart held five boxes. Each one was marked with a number. “Two copies of form HD-five-oh-five-A, Princess. Have fun.”
“Are you FUCKING KIDDING ME?” I screamed as mom, Jesmond, and Mavis just stood there laughing at me. For some reason I think I might have just been played. “That’s not really a five-oh-five-A. Is it?”
“In all of its glory.” Mavis told me with a grin as she patted the boxes. “This is the real five-oh-five-A. A copy needs to be filed for both parties.”
“At least it’s not in triplicate.” I grumbled and began to fill out the from. As I got halfway through the first page I hit a major stumbling block. “How in the name of all that’s Holy and Unholy am I supposed to know where I’m holding this little get together. When I, haven’t even figured out if they’ll agree to the meeting?”
“That my dear is one of the great mysteries of peace talks.” Mom chuckled.
Chapter 18
I hate lawyers.
I have spent the last two days working on that damned HD-505-A. I’ve made eight trips back and forth between the two earthly offices for Heaven and Hell. That was just to work out a location for the meeting between me, Gadreel, and Tinaya. Now I’m working on the catering. I mean come on people!
Who cares what hors d’oeuvres are served or what wine is used for toasting the deal. I was wanted something small. You know like what President Franklin D. Roosevelt did for King George VI and his wife, Queen Elizabeth. I mean what’s wrong with hot dogs and cold beer? I mean if they’re good enough for World Dignitaries, they should be good enough for those two smucks. But no! That cunt upstairs feels that common food and drinks is beneath her. I won’t even go into what that slut succubus said. Let’s just say that if Grandma Lilith hadn’t intervened there would be one less magic user in Hell.
“Is there anything I can do to help, Princess?” Helga asked from the door to my office as I pounded my head on my desk for the umpteenth time.
“Not unless you can tell why I have to be the one to handle all the arrangements for this little talk?” I asked her bluntly.
“Don’t ask me, Mistress. Hot dogs and beer sound good to me.” Helga snorted.
“Yeah, well, a three day dead rat is a delicacy in your eyes.” I snorted as Helga nodded her head like a puppy. “Oh, pull your tongue in ya’ mutt. I’ve already got enough problems without putting those on the menu.”
Before Helga could make a cutting remark about the menu the intercom on my desk buzzed. “Excuse me, Princess. There is a messenger from your father here. He says it’s important.”
“Send him in, Gretchen.” I ordered the damned soul, but not before I hit a button that would send an electrical shock through her crotch. When the door to my office opened I had to do a double take. In the last few days, I’ve seen demons of every stripe you can think of. I talking succubae, incubuses, hellhounds, lilium, anti-paladins, gargoyles, imps, classic devils, hags, hellmaids, and even; a host to God, Death Dragons. But nothing I’ve seen could have prepared me for a 12ft long red tapeworm, carrying a briefcase, wearing glasses and a bowler hat, smoking a churchwarden pipe. “WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF DEMON ARE YOU?”
“I madam, am a Red Tapeworm. It has come to your father’s attention that you are currently trying to work your way through the headache that is the HD-five-oh-five-A request for natural grounds meeting form. To use a phrase from the mortal realm. I’m a parasite lawyer.” The damned thing told me as it set down its briefcase and actually tipped its hat to me. The worm then had the audacity to hand me a business card.
“Ah shit. I hate lawyers.” I snarled read9ing the card. “You have got to be kidding me. Is your name really Dewy Cheatem Howe?”
“Of course, it is Princess. Where else would you find a lawyer? You can’t trust any of us.” The worm snarked and puffed his pipe. “However, you’ll be happy to have me here. In my human life I was an attorney for the US Internal Revenue Service. I know exactly how those slugs in the Infernal Resource Service think. After all it was modeled after my old agency, and I’m well versed in their underhanded deals.”
“If that’s the case sir. I welcome your help.” I told the worm.
“Now for starters the reason you have to arrange for the refreshments. The answer is complicated. The simple answer is because you’re the one calling for the meeting.” The worm told me.
“I’M NOT THE ONE WHO WANTED THE DAMNED THING!” I screamed.
“Be that as it maybe, Princess. The request did originate from your office. Therefore, in accordance with the treaty between Heaven and Hell. You as the aggrieved party in an attempt to resolve the issue in a nonviolent manner must work to appease both aggressors. That is the reason for catering the meeting. Might I suggest we contact the Sour Genie. They have handle such events in the past for both sides.” The worm told me with a smug attitude.
“I don’t care.” I whined. “I just want to get this damned from filled out and filed. I don’t have time for this shit.”
“That is why your father sent me.” The worm smirked.
“You know that is something a lawyer would say.” I snarled.
“Of course, I could be here just to add to your torment.” The bastard chuckled. “I am a lawyer after all.”
The second he said it I knew I would never get the thought out of my head. No matter how hard I pounded my head on my desk. Helga just sat back on her hunches laughing with her tongue hanging out. When I finally looked from my desk the HD-505 from was completely filled out.
“Exactly what kind of lawyer were you in your mortal life?” I asked the worm.
“I was a parasite lawyer.” He told me bluntly.
“Uh?” I asked in confusion.
“I specialized in international business law.” He explained.
“Okay I get it. You were the same thing as a divorce or corporate lawyer.” I snarked as the worm turn a deeper shade of red.
Chapter 19
The Conference.
There are times when being the Princess of Hell can be a real pain in the ass. Today is one of those times. It has took me fifteen days to make all of the arrangements for this little chat. I was actually surprised at the rather normal looking restaurant where we were holding this conference. The Sour Genie looked like your typical roadside dinner. Then again it does sit in the middle of nowhere on Route 66 halfway between Albuquerque, New Mexico and Amarillo, Texas. I kind of like the place. It reminded me of this great little place called the Jug back home. Sadly, it went out of business.
“Welcome to the Sour Genie Miss. How many in your party?” A teenage girl asked as I entered the dinner.
“They should already be here Miss.” I told her looking around the restaurant. When I spotted the reserved section I smiled.
“Excuse me Ma’am. That area is reserved for a special party.” The girl told me and moved to stop me.
“I won’t do that Gabby. Princess Ashley has an extremely short temper and little tolerance for stupidity.” An angel told her as she stepped in behind me. “I think the last person to incur her wrath was a lawyer.”
“Not really. The last dipshit to piss me off was a Department Head of Hell.” I chuckled as the girl turned white and showed her true form. “I see. You’re one of the true djinn of Persia.”
“Please forgive my rudeness Princess.” The genie said with a quick curtsy. Not fast enough for me to read her name tag.
“You’re forgiven Gabby. Now, if you’ll excuse me.” I told her and headed for the table that was set aside for our use. As I neared the table a succubus entered the dinner. I knew right away that she was Lady Tinaya. Just as the angel was the Angel Gadreel. As I sat down I took in all of the other costumers. There were all types of supernatural beings in this tiny dinner. “This has got to be the most screwed up dinner in the world.”
“Not really Princess. We just have an unusually high number of supernatural beings in the restaurant today.” A normal looking woman told me. It took me a second to realize that she was one of the immortal four queens of the djinn. As much as I wanted to ask for a wish from this woman I knew better. “You’re verry wise for your years Princess Ashley.”
“Let’s just say that I remember that old joke about djinn logic. You know the one where you wish for a million dollars and a bag full of money appears out of nowhere.” I told her honestly then smirked as I delivered the punchline for the joke. “Along with a SWAT Team holding a warrant for your arrest.”
“That is one I haven’t heard.” The djinn queen said with a small chuckle. “I am the proprietor of this establishment. Azsain the Honest and purveyor of truth. None may lie within my presences.”
“Now I know why Dewy felt this place would be perfect.” I told her with a smile. “You automatically detect any deceit.”
“Let’s get this over with.” Tinaya snapped as she near the table. “My people have souls to corrupt and gather.”
“Sit down and shut up bitch. Before I snatch a knot in your ass.” I told her coldly. When she went to argue with me I remind her of who she was dealing with. “Remember what you’re asking for Tinaya. Those schools are still under my protection. I can easily end this meeting by removing you from existence.”
“Yes your Majesty.” Tinaya squeaked as she meekly sat down next to me.
“I must say Princess. You have a unique way of dealing with your subordinate. I approve.” Gadreel snarked as she said down across the table.
“Shut it whore. Unlike my father and uncle. I have no use for shitheads who prey upon the weaknesses of others.” I growled.
“You would actually challenge an angel of my power?” Gadreel chuckled. “I know your weakness. I can defeat you.”
“You really think so?” I chuckled. With a small wave of my hand, I summoned a Hell bolt. “Like I told Tinaya. I’ll end this little meeting by removing you from existence. From what I can see. You would make a nice yakitori.”
“A what?” The angel asked in confusion.
“Yakitori is a skewered and grilled chicken.” Azsain informed her with a chuckle. “I must say Princess Ashley. You have a very low opinion of angels.”
“Let’s just say that most of them aren’t worth my time. The ones that I have dealt with so far all think to highly of themselves, Azsain.” I told her with a friendly smile as Gadreel bristled. “That includes my own father.”
“You dare to compare an angel to that unclean spirit.” Gadreel spate.
“I do. Micheal is just as big a pouncy asshole as my father.” I told her with a small chuckle as the angel grimaced. “Trust me I should know. I’ve had to deal with both of them.”
“Have you no respect for our Lord and Master, Princess?” Tinaya asked me in disbelieving shock. “He is your father after all.”
“Nope. None at all. Last time I checked he was nothing than my sperm donor.” I told her with a grin. “You can ask him yourself. He’ll be here shortly, and most likely he won’t be alone.”
“Why would Lucifer come here? Who is coming with him.” Azsian asked me quickly. “He knows that my restaurant is natural grounds.”
“I’m here. This is my first official duty on earth as a representative of Hell. Daddy and Uncle Mickey want to make sure I don’t make a hash of things.” I told them with a small grin as both Gadreel and Tinaya blanched white at my very blatant show of disrespect for two of the most powerful angels in existence. Not that I gave two shits for their opinions. Azsian had a totally deferent reaction to my words.
“Rissume, please escort the Archangels Lucifer and Micheal to their usual table when they arrive. Azura, make sure to have a bottle of 1875 St. Miriam whiskey for them.” I was actually surprised by Azsian’s order.
“If you really want to make an impression. Produce a bottle from NYC Mayor Jimmy ‘Beau James’ Walker’s personal collection.” I snarked only to Azsian give me a strange look. “What? I may be a teenager, but I know my whiskeys and fine liquors. I’ve tasted enough rotgut moonshine and good whiskey to know the difference between the two.”
“Can we get this over with already?” Gadreel asked politely.
“We’re still waiting the arrival of two others that this little agreement will affect. They should be here momentarily.” I told her.
“Who are you talking about?” Gadreel asked with a snarl.
“Why your male counterparts.” I told her smugly.
“Oh, please tell me you did not invite that pompous ass Torihr, Princess?” Tinaya asked with pleading eyes.
“You wounded me with your words dear sister.” Rather tall, dark, and hansom man dressed in a suit straight out of 1950’s film noir movie. He had a real Humphry Bogart feel to him. He turned to me with a slight nod of his head. “Thank you for informing of my sister’s attempt to secure exclusive hunting rights to this era’s high school, Princess.”
“Not a problem Torihr. Is Hasmal with you?” I asked the incubus.
“I am here Princess Ashley.” The angel said formally as he appeared in a burst of white light. “I must say that I was surprised that you would even think to include at male halves of our two opposing orders.”
“Why wouldn’t I include you gentlemen. On one side we have Hope and Dreams. The other side represents Lust and Desire.” I explained then smiled at the four adults. “Now shall we get down to business.”
“I will leave you kind people to your discussion.” Asian told us and left.
“Alright Princess. Now that you got us here. How exactly are we going to divide up the rights to hunt amongst your erstwhile peers?” Tinaya asked.
“I had planned on was an equal share for all of you. Only there is a problem with that.” I told her honestly as I thought of your average teenager.
“What is the problem? We get those who are naturally drawn to heaven. While those who are damned by their own actions belong in the grips of hell.” Gadreel told me bluntly.
“Then you don’t consider an emotionally disturbed young man or woman worthy of Heaven? What of those who do not believe in God? What of those who follow the path of the druid or wiccan traditions? Better yet what of those who actually believe God made a mistake with their births? Are they not unworthy of redemption?” I asked her bluntly.
“The rules state.” Gadreel started to say only to stop her with a snarl.
“Fuck the rules. The game is rigged if you follow the rules. You angels are so hung up on the damned rules that innocent children are ending up in Hell. I should know because I have seen their souls passing throw the Gate.” I snarled and spit in the bitch’s face. “You have forgotten your Word.”
“What would you know of my Word?” Gadreel asked in surprise.
“More than you or your brother could understand in a thousand lifetimes. I may only be a babe among immortals, but I do read.” That was something I had always done. “You would be wise to read the works of several mortal authors. Their understanding of the laws that govern us is amazing.”
“I must say Princess Ashley. You show a remarkable knack for finding the Truth of a matter. Now that you understand the situation how do we proceed?” Hasmal asked with a smile.
“The only way we can to guarantee a fair dispensation of hunting rights among you. Only one member per clan may hunt the halls of high schools. They can only target one person school. If an angel should cross a succubus’s prey they can attempt to save them. However, a succubus can also attempt to corrupt an angel’s prize. The same for your male counterparts. The only exception to those rules are those that are called to a higher calling. They shall remain off limits to both parties.” As I was explaining my solution to the problem. Each one slowly nodded their heads. “Are you all in agreement?”
“I can only speak for my angels.” Gadreel said with a smile. “But we will abide by your ruling, Princess.”
“As will the succubae, Highness.” Tinaya said with a bow of her head. I could tell that the two men were going to be a problem.
“Gentlemen, let me be prefect honest with you. Either agree to this accord, or I’ll blow the both of you straight to hell. The moment you set foot in the parking lot.” I snarled as I pulled the feather from my necklace.
To my surprise instead of holding my usual double bladed spear I was holding matching pistols. They were both Colt firearms .454 Casull magnum pistols. This monsters are built on M1911 express frames. They’re beasts at 335mm in length with a weight of 4kg. Each held a 7 round magazine with 1 in the chamber. The bullets are 250-grain jacketed with a ‘casing’ of blessed Macedonian silver. Each one with a muzzle velocity of over 1,900 feet per second, developing more than 2,000 ft-lb of energy.
“THERE WILL BE NO VIOLENCE IN MY PLACE OF BUSINESS!” Azsian screamed. At her warning I returned both weapons to the void.
“My apologies Azsian. I lost my patience with these two pigheaded asshole males.” I told the proprietress with a bow of my head.
“You are forgiven Princess. I can see the truth of your words.” Azsian said with a smile. “And you were not the one I was yelling at. Allow me to handle the problem children in your party.”
With a snap of her fingers both men became toddlers in highchairs. When I started to laugh Lucifer and Micheal stood up from their table. I watched as they both neared our table. I could tell that they were both pissed off.
“Hold up daddy. This is neutral ground. They were going to break that very neutrality and suffered the consequences.” I told them as I stood up.
“We have no problems with their punishment daughter. We only came over here to leaned you the needed authority to in force your will.” Lucifer explained.
“I am in agreement with your father, Ashley.” Micheal said as he stood menacingly over Gadreel. “You have been given the terms Gadreel. Terms that I find to be both fair, and just.”
“Understood Lord Micheal. I’ll make sure that Hasmal and his minions abide by them.” The angel told him with her head bowed.
“Tinaya you have heard the terms.” Lucifer snarled.
“And they will be adhered to my Lord. I will make sure that Torihr and his brothers understand.” Tinaya squeaked out quickly.
“I only have one problem.” Lucifer said all of a sudden. “What will be the punishment for those who break the rules?”
“I’m a firm believer in ass beatings. Though seeing as how both sides can regenerate I’m thinking about banding them from what has to be the most fertile hunting grounds on the mortal plain.” I suggested honestly.
“If that doesn’t work?” Micheal asked me.
“Oh, I don’t know Uncle Micheal.” I said sweetly as I once again summon my new soul weapons. Holding the one in my right hand high enough to kiss the sight at the end of the slide. “Let’s just say that a four-fifty-four magnum makes a great big hole in people.”
“Lucy can you explain to me why your daughter always resorts to violence to solve a problem?” Micheal sighed.
“Because unlike you and me brother. Ashley will always be true to not only her Word, but to herself.” Lucifer told him bluntly.
“By the way Uncle Micheal. When can I expect your little test?” I asked him.
“Now, what makes you think I have already present my test?” Micheal asked. “I could very well have set all of this in motion to test you.”
“Simple. You’re not that sneaky of a bastard. You have always preferred an honest fight to political maneuvering. You leave that up to my father.” I told him bluntly then grinned nastily. “And he is not stupid enough to try me. He already knows about quick my temper.”
“It seems that we are undone Lucy. Your lovely daughter has seen through us both.” Micheal chuckled before turning to me. “Your last test will happen on the summer equinox. It will be held in the middle of White Sands at the stroke of noon. Don’t be late.”
“Won’t dream of it Uncle Mickey.” I told him and headed for the door.
Chapter 20
A surprising set of collections.
“God I hate this place.” I grumbled as I looked up at the gate for Auschwitz. “Helga are you sure that the soul is in there?”
“As sure as I can be, Mistress. This city is chuck full of ghosts. It’s hard to tell one lost soul from the other. Their stench lays heavy on the ground here.” The Hellhound grumbled. “What is this place Mistress?”
“Welcome to Hell on earth Helga. At least what humans were capable of creating at one time in our history.” I told her with a heavy heart.
“Hell is hell Mistress. Nothing humans can build could ever compare.” Helga snorted then snort a second time. “What is that stench?”
“What you’re Helga smelling is the suffering of over one-point-one million people. One of the greatest tragedies in human history. Did you know that the jews that where sent here to die actually put God on trial?” I asked.
“Mear humans actually dared to question the Divine?” Helga asked in shock.
“They did. According to the story while awaiting their inevitable deaths at this very concentration camp, one of the worse. There was a group of Jews that held a rabbinical court to decide whether God had gone against the Holy Covenant and if He is the one guilty for their suffering.” I told her bluntly.
“Did they find God guilty?” Helga asked with real curiosity.
“Nobody really knows but according to the story two theories were put forth. The first theory proposed that God must allow people to choose actions that lead to horrible results because human freedom of will is such an important value a solution that many consider to be the true one but is rejected with contempt. The second was proposed by a rabbi. He reviews the record of God’s deeds against Israel’s enemies in the Hebrew Bible, and draws the conclusion that God is not good, a that he has simply been on their side throughout history. He recounts that he had seen the phrase “God is with us” engraved on the belts of the German guards, concluding that God has now turned against the Jews once and for all. The account is so powerful that the others accept it, and there is a moment of silence before they began to pray for their salvation from the Nazis. Now this is all according to one of the few surviving blockaltesters from the camp.” I told her as I felt the soul we were here to collect approached us. I took in the ghosts uniform and knew that he wasn’t one of the guards. “Why would a Waffen SS Panzerschütze be here? It doesn’t make any since to.”
“I will not run Huntress. I only want fifteen minutes to say I’m sorry.” The soldier told me with deep regret.
“What regrets would a Nazi have?” I snarled.
“I failed to protect those who I swore to protect. Jews, gypsies, it shouldn’t have mattered. I was a soldier. What they did here was a crime against more than humanity. It was a crime against the soul of my nation.” The soldier told me as he looked towards the old train station for the camp. “This must never happen again.”
“You have my word Kapitän. If it is within my power. I will stop something like this from happening again.” I told him.
“I would think that the denizens of Hell would rejoice over another such tragedy.” The soldier told me in confusion.
“I’m not like most denizens of Hell.” I told him with a chuckle.
“You can say that again.” Helga snorted.
“I’m not like most denizens of Hell.” I snarked as the soldier chuckled.
“Please, don’t make me laugh, Huntress. These grounds do not deserve to hear my laughter. Only my pleas for forgiveness.” The soldier told me.
“Did you part take in the operation of this place?” I asked him.
“No. I never even knew that it existed.” The soldier told me honestly.
“Then why should you ask for their forgiveness? I can tell by the piping on your color and the insignia that you were a tanker. A frontline soldier. We’re you part of the Einsatzgruppen?” I asked him.
“No. Those thugs should be hunted down and dragged straight to the deepest pits of Hell.” He spat out.
“Excuse me Mistress, but our prey is nearing the far blockhouse.” Helga told me as she sniffed the air. “This ghost is not our prey.”
“Are you sure Helga?” I asked of the Hellhound. When she gave me the harry eyeball I sighed. “Sorry. I should know better than to question your nose.”
“A trusted hound is hard to find, Huntress. I miss my panzer troop’s mascot. She was a beautiful Weimaraner.” The soldier sighed. “Sugar was such a good dog. She died saving me and my crew.”
“How did she do that sir?” I asked as I kept my eye on the soul that we were there to capture. I could tell that this one was a true piece of shit. One that belonged in Hell. Right beside Hitler and the rest of his thugs.
“Sugar stopped a Russian attack on us. The man was going to hit us with a Molotov cocktail while we were refueling.” The soldier told me with a voice filled with more regret than I would ever expect from a soldier. With a wave of my hand, I called for the dog. As she appeared before me the soldier dropped to his knees. The dog leaped into his arms as he began to cry.
“Time to go home soldier.” I said and waved my hand once more. Only this time I sent him and the dog to their heavenly reward. Completely bypassing the Saint Peter and the Pearly Gate’s Judges.
“You know that both your father and Archangel Micheal are going to be pissed over this?” Helga asked me with her tongue hanging out.
“Fuck em. Any man who shows that much love for a dog doesn’t deserve to be in Hell. Especially not a soldier. I don’t care who they fought for.” I told her then grinned as I scratched her behind the ears. “Besides. How could I send him to Hell with you standing next to me?”
“Thanks boss.” Helga said as she rubbed head against my leg. “I won’t rat you out. I’ll also deal with the Judges.”
“Thanks, but you don’t need to do that. I’ll take the heat if there is any. It’s part of my job. Now, let’s bag our shithead and go home.” I told her. Helga just sniffed and pointed her head towards the gas chambers. “I take it that our shithead just went in the chambers?”
“Yes ma’am. That one has the stench of a thousand souls about him.” Helga grunted as she stalked towards the gas chambers. “I know that I normally won’t ask boss. But can I take a bight out of this fucker before we take him back to face his just reward?”
“You know what. Go ahead and have some fun. I need to pay my respects.” I told her as I turned to walked through the memorial. “Just bring back enough to prove we captured the asshole.”
“I’ll leave enough to collect the bounty boss.” Helga snarled as she took off at a high lope heading for the gas chamber. I could tell that she was going to enjoy this hunt for some reason. It took her less than five minutes to hunt the asshole down and capture him. I could hear the screams from the far side of the confines of the camp.
I might be the Devil’s daughter, but I could tell that the suffering that took place here wasn’t his doing. What happened here was done for the sole purpose of promoting one man’s twisted ideals. The very air smelled of death. I could feel the oppression of those who passed through the gate to Auschwitz. I could hear the silent cries of pain those who were tortured to death. I could even feel the hunger and fear of the children who separated from their parents. I could even feel the deaths of the twins at Joseph Mengele’s hands.
When I finally caught up to Helga she had the escaped down on the ground shaking it like a ragdoll. “Helga I don’t think it is going anywhere.”
“Ssseee rowing roo vish yad winished ear.” Helga mumbled out around the soul.
“Please don’t talk with your mouth full Helga.” I told the Hellhound with a soft chuckle. Then almost told her finish the bitch when I got a look at who she was gnawing on. “How the fuck did that asshole escape?”
“Don’t know, Mistress. All I know is someone dropped the ball here.” Helga spat out then burped. “Sorry about that.”
“Forget about it.” I told her and kicked the female soul in the head. “Maria Mandl they called you the beast. You were lucky when they hanged your ass. I would have sent your ass to an all-male prison in the states and put in in with the general population. I figured the prisons would have gotten ten maybe twelve years of usage out of your ass. Before you kicked the bucket.”
“Do what you will with me your devil’s whore. We were justified in our actions. I don’t care what those race traitors say. Jews cannot be trusted and are subhuman. They are a parasite on all humans. The German people have the right to expand our nation. We are the superior race. All others should bow before us.” The bitch spat out.
“I don’t know how you escaped cunt.” I snarled as I grabbed her by the hair and pulled her to her knees. “But I can guarantee you’ll never escape again.”
As I held her on her knees I summoned my Hell cycle. As it appeared I stuffed her into a soul bag. With it closed and tied to my belt I mounted the cycle. “Helga summon a portal straight to the lowest pit in Hell.”
“You know that if we don’t enter through the gate you’re going to be in trouble with the Judges?” Helga asked as she formed the portal.
“You know what Helga. Those old men can just get over themselves. If I got to drag pieces of shit like this back to Hell. Then I’m going to do things my way. When my aunts and uncles get their shit together. I’ll do things by the damned book. Until then.” I said as I gunned the engine heading for the portal. “They can get used to me playing fast and lose with the rules. The same goes for those shitheads in Heaven as well.”
“I hope you like doing paperwork Mistress.” Helga grunted as she ran next to me as we passed through the portal. “Because you’re going to be in a shit load of trouble with the powers that be.”
“That’s the nice thing about having a tame lawyer. That worm can earn his keep by dealing with them.” I chuckled as we entered the lowest pit in Hell. The heavy stench of sulfur and the cries for mercy assaulted my senses as I came to a stop. Reaching down I opened the soul bag. As I dragged the bitch from the bag she became tangible. With a cruel smile I unfurled my wings and tail. “You know something cunt. Even here this place is far too good for the likes of you. But this is the only place that’ll have your ass. I suggest you get comfortable. Because the next I see you. I’ll just say fuck it and end your worthless existence.”
-----tbc-----
What would you do if you found out that you were the child of Lucifer and what is basically an immortal woman? Will you rale against Fate? Would you curse God for who your parents were? Would you face the oncoming battle for your soul with a smile? Would you curl up in a ball and hope that it was all a dream? That is the problem facing one young man as his reality changes.
Chapter 21
Dealing with family.
White Sands, New Mexico.
“Man talk about being hot.” I complained as I appeared on the mortal realm in the center of White Sands, New Mexico. I had always wanted to see the massive 145,762 acre park since I first saw it in the opening of the movie Convoy starring Kris Kristofferson. This gypsum dune field is the largest of its kind on Earth, with a depth of about 30 feet, dunes as tall as 60 feet, and about 4.5 billion short tons of gypsum sand. “But it is beautiful.”
“I’m happy that you approve Ashley.” Micheal said as he appeared beside me. “It does remind me of Sodom and Gomorrah following God’s wrath.”
“I would have thought that the Utah Salt Flats would be a better comparison Uncle Mike. I mean didn’t God turn that whole area into a massive pillar of salt.” I told him as I looked around.
“Only Lot’s wife was turned into salt. That was done as a warning to Lot and his daughters. As for Sodom and Gomorrah themselves. They were destroyed to the last. Think about it this way. God dropped a set of thermonuclear MERVs on the area.” Micheal told me bluntly. “That is the closest example I have.”
“Damn talk about getting pissed.” I chuckled only to see pain flash through Micheal’s eyes. “You were there. I’m sorry Uncle Micheal.”
“At least that time he held back. Ashley in your new life you’ll find that most angels have blood tipped wings. God does not send a devil to do his dirty work. When He wants to set an example. He sends an angel. Usually, it is one of his Angels of Death. Sometimes it is something small. Like a sniper in a church or clock tower. Other times it is a bomb delivered by a fighter jet or one of your modern bombers. For the really big shit though He uses an Angel of Death. As much as I hate to say this about a fellow Angel. Those boys and girls in Azrael’s crew tend to get carried away.” Micheal told me.
“Who?” I asked him in confusion. Mainly because I’ve never heard of an Archangel by that name. In everything I’ve studied concerning the religions of the world. The only one that I’ve found to give a name to death was the ancient religions of the Mediterranean.
“That would be me.” The voice sent a chill down my spine that not even the hottest fires in Hell could drive away. As I turned around I found myself face to face with an extremely beautiful man. I could tell right away that this angel wasn’t normal. The sheer power he radiated was godlike.
“Nice to meet you sir.” I crocked out around the lump that suddenly formed in my throat. I didn’t know whether to cringe in fear or jump his bones.
“I’m impressed Azrael. I’ve yet to see one of our brothers or sisters that has received even the minimum amount of respect from her.” Micheal chuckled.
“I doubt that brother. I can still see the fire of defiance in our niece’s eyes. Though unlike her father it is not one of rebellion but of questioned motives. I must say that I find her attitude refreshing.” Azrael chuckled. “I especially liked how she keeps thumbing her nose to those stuff shirted self-important Judges of the Dead.”
“Don’t encourage her brother. Lucifer and I have enough headaches because of her as is. Do you know how much trouble she has caused with her unilateral judgements? She has absolutely no respect for authority.” Micheal grumbled as I stuck my tongue out and blew him a raspberry. “See what I mean?”
“Uncle Mike if you want me to obey the rules. Then clean up your sloppy as shit operations. In the last fifteen days I have sent twenty-three lost souls to Heaven. While capturing fifteen escaped souls from Hell.” I told him bluntly. “I won’t even go into the number of lost souls that I found at places like Auschwitz, Dachau, Sevvostlag, Solovki, the Killing Fields of Cambodian, Srebrenica, Andersonville, and all of the other sites around the world where similar genocidal war crimes took place.”
“Do not blame your uncle or father for those lost souls Ashley. If you want to blame anyone for those Lost Souls. Blame me and my angels.” Azrael said quietly. “War and all of its facets falls under my purview.”
“Then I suggest that you get your shit together, buddy.” I snarled and rounded on the Archangel of Death. “Because there are far too many souls haunting those places for my people to clean up. We’re supposed to be hunting down escapees from Hell. Not deciding on where souls should be going.”
“I have to agree with her Azrael. Even my people have been overwhelmed with these tragedies. There must be a better way of dealing with your actions.” Michael told him coldly.
“That old saying of ‘Kill them all and let God sort them out’ is wrong Azrael. He doesn’t to the sorting. It’s me and my Hunters along with Michael’s people who do the sorting.” I told Azrael. “I don’t know how many ghosts my people have been forced to send to their eternal reward. Just to be able to capture one escapee. I won’t even go into the bullshit they have to deal with when they chase an escapee onto a battlefield.”
“I can only offer my apologies on this matter young Huntress. Before the advent of guns and the Industrial age of war. My people were able to keep up with influx. Mankind has been able to outstrip our capacity for collection.” Azrael told me as he looked out across the gleaming white sands. “Humans may blame me and my people for what happens during a war. The truth is they are the true masters of their own destruction.”
“As fascinating as this discussion is gentlemen. I would really like to get this little test over with.” I told them both.
“Agreed.” Azrael said with a smile as he waved his hand. To my surprise a Go board appeared along with three chairs, table, and three mugs of beer with an extra-large thin crust meat-lovers pizza. Azrael turned to me smiling. “I heard from Uriel that if I wanted to challenge you. We should play Go.”
“I would normally cry foal, but I did say that.” I chuckled before turning to Uncle Michael. “I thought that you would be my opponent?”
“I believe in a level playing field Ashley. Also, your father made a point during your little meeting the other day. If I were to test you for Humility you would fail before we even started. He reminded me that you were part dragoniod. Your very nature is to be proud, self-assured, and defiant of authority. To judge you for being yourself would be to judge you unfairly. It’s as the great bard said. Above all else to thy own self be true.” Michael said with a grin as he picked up one of the beer mugs. After taking a deep drink from the beer he sighed. “Truly the nectar of the gods.”
“I thought angels weren’t supposed to drink?” I asked in confusion as I sat down and with my own mug. After taking a drink I looked up at Azrael. “No offence to your tastes Azrael, but wouldn’t Lone Star beer be a better choice than Coors? I mean we are in New Mexico. This part of the country is kind of like Lone Star’s backyard isn’t it?”
“I’ll have you know young lady that is New Mexico State Fair Beer. I may not always appreciate a fine Scotch or Whiskey like your father, but I do know my beers. When it comes to beers, the breweries of New Mexico know how to deliver a taste that perfectly complements the easy-going lifestyle of its residents.” Azrael said before taking a drink of his own mug. “And at the top of the list of local favorites is the renowned New Mexico Standard Beer. This lighter, crushable brew is designed to be enjoyed anytime, anywhere, reflecting the laid-back attitude that defines the Land of Mañana.”
“I got to say Azrael. You’re definitely not what I would picture as the Archangel of Death.” I said before taking a drink of my own mug. “Shall we flip for the choice of stones?”
“Not at all. I am a firm believer in chivalry. Lady’s choice.” He told me with a soft chuckle. “Besides I know better than to tempt Fate. Our sister is a fickle bitch at the best of times.”
“I HEAR THAT!” A feminine voice boomed before there was a flash of light and a second archangel appeared. Only this one was female and just as beautiful as any goddess. As I gazed at her curves I realized that I was having the same problem that I had with Azrael. I didn’t know which I wanted to do more. Jump her bones or run away in fear. She was dressed in a gray Gracian style dress that bared her shoulders while hugging a very feminine figure with the curves in all the right places. “Hello young Princess of Hell. I am the Archangel of Fate, Itherael, angel of the High Heavens and lore keeper of the Angiris Council. Wieldier of Talus'ar, the Scroll of Fate.”
“Oh man. Can this day get in crazier?” I grumbled before placing my first stone. “To what do I owe this visit?”
“Oh no, dear. I’m not here for you. I heard my Word used by this malcontent and had to investigate.” She said as a mug of beer appeared in her hand. After taking a drink she looked down at Azrael. “I must say brother. This is a treat. I had no idea that humans could produce such fine alcohol.”
“I keep telling you Itherael. You need to get out of the tower of yours more often.” Michael told her with a grin as Azrael placed his first stone. “If you really want to taste something amazing. Try the pizza.”
“Is that a Long Horn pizza’s carnivore?” I asked with a smile then placed my next stone. “Because if it is. You better leave some for me.”
“It is. Though how would you know about Long Horn pizza Ashley?” Azrael asked as he placed his next stone.
“Helga took me there following a capture last week.” I answered with a grin as I placed my next stone. “You know that a game of Go can last for hours?”
“Of course. This is a real thinking man’s game. According to legend two generals for Cao Mao, who was the first Emperor of Wei, played one game that lasted for three days. The stakes were quite high at the time.” Azrael said as he placed his next stone.
“What were they playing for?” I asked and set my next stone.
“The loser would have his head chopped off.” Michael told me as I took a drink of my beer. He timed his answer perfectly as I sprayed beer all over the front of Itherael. “Prefect.”
“MICHAEL! I’m sending you the cleaning bill!” She screamed.
“Oh, please Itherael. Just take care of it already.” Azrael snorted. “It’s not like you couldn’t see that coming.”
“Uncle Mikey that was wrong. You could have waited until after I swallowed for that joke.” I grumbled.
“That was not a joke Ashley. They were actually playing for their lives. I should knew. I was there.” Michael told me bluntly.
“Why in the world, were they doing something that crazy?” I asked in shock as I placed my next stone. I could already tell by the way the stones were falling that I would lose to Azrael. The best I could hope for was a tie. Now way was I going to beat him. He was just too good.
“For power and prestige. Simple as that.” Azrael told me as he placed his next stone. “Military commanders of the Wei Kingdom were some of the most respected men of their time. As the supreme general for the kingdom, they would be second only to the Emperor.”
“Okay I can see that, but why kill the loser?” I asked.
“Politics were very brutal in the ancient world. It was not uncommon for a king or queen to have an advisor beheaded before their court.” Itherael told me as she waved her hand in front of her dress resorting it to original condition. “There that’s better. Oh, and they were playing for more than the position of supreme general. The Emperor had also offered the hand of his oldest daughter in marriage plus her weight in gold to the winner.”
“Okay I can see risking my life for something like that.” I said and placed my next stone. “My question is why did they use a game of Go?”
“Ah yes. For that I have to give credit to the Emperor. You see the two generals in question were willing to wage war for the position. So, to prevent this Cao Mao invited both men to his castle. There he placed a Go board between the two men. Once they had taken their places at the board and made their first moves he gave them the terms of the game. When they went to leave the board Cao Mao warned them that should they not finish the game or play in interest. His archers would end both of their lives.” Azrael told me as he placed his next stone.
“Can you give me any other examples where a game was used to decide the fate of a nation?” I asked as I placed my next stone.
“Several hundred, my dear niece.” Itherael told me as she placed a plate with several slices of pizza next to me. “Though I believe that the poker games between Secretary of State Hamilton Fish and Ulysses S. Grant had the greatest impact on a nation’s future. They say that more foreign-policy decisions were made over a poker during Grant’s administration than any other in the history of this great nation.”
“I thought only Harry Truman played poker.” I told her.
“Not hardly Ashley. Of the American Presidents fifteen were known to hold a weekly poker game. I believe than it was Eisenhower that brought the game of golf to the office. Even though the stakes are not as high as they once were. A great many political decisions have been made on the golf links of the nation. How many were decided by a side bet between the President and his party is unknown. Even to me.” Itherael told me as she took a drink of her beer. “Though there is one decision that was decided by a game of chance that had more impact on history than any other.”
“What was that?” I asked and placed my next stone before grabbing a slice of pizza. “Damn this is good.”
“It was the invasion of China by Genghis Khan. I wasn’t there and neither was Michael, but according to legend Genghis Khan decided to invade China because he lost a roll of the dice to his brother.” Itherael told me.
“That must have been some roll of the bones.” I grumbled as I placed my next stone. “How many people died during his invasion?”
“No one really knows. I do know that my people spent four centuries cleaning up that mess.” Azrael grumbled and set his stone. Then to my surprise he waved his hand again and a tent appeared. I for one was grateful for the shade that it provided against the blazing sun.
Over the next four hours we sat playing Go while eating pizza and drinking beer. Our conversation ranged all over the place. We talked of politics, religion, sports, and how they were all interconnected with the way people viewed the world around them. As the last two stones were played I realized that I had forced Azrael into a tie. I had done the impossible.
“Well done Ashley. I have not had such a fascinating game in centuries. We really must do this again.” Azrael told me before turning to Michael. “Brother I must say. If our niece had not obeyed the Commandment of Honoring thy mother and father. She would surely have been raise amongst our numbers.”
“Even with having Lucifer as my father?” I asked.
“All are equal in the eyes of God, child.” Itherael told me with a smile. “And therefore, all are worthy of redemption.”
“Tell that me again when I’m knocking on the Pearl Gates.” I snarked.
“If you doubt us, Ashley. I suggest you ask your older brother and sister.” Michael told with a lopsided grin as he snapped his fingers and two unknown angels appeared. “Allow me to introduce them.”
“Hold on here brother. If anybody is going to introduce my child. It will be me.” Lucifer said as he appeared behind me. I was surprised as Lucifer stepped over and hugged the two angels. “It is good to see you two.”
“Hi dad.” The male angel said as he returned Lucifer’s hug. “I was hoping that you would have introduced me to our baby sister before now.”
“I agree with Stan, daddy. Why have you waited so long before introducing Ashley?” The female angel asked as she gave Lucifer a hug in welcome.
“You know the rules Angelica. I cannot summon you to earth or Hell. You cannot summon me to earth or Heaven.” Lucifer told my older sister with a smile. Then the meaning behind her name hit my funny bone. When I giggled my older sister gave me a death glare.
“Go ahead and laugh it up baby sister. Everybody else does.” Angelica sighed before glaring up at Lucifer. “You do know this is your fault?”
“How many times do I have to tell you? I had nothing to do with your mother naming you. If I’m not mistaken Angelica was a very popular name for girls during the eleventh century.” Lucifer told her with a grin as my eyes popped out of my head. Before I could comment Lucifer turned to my older brother. “As for you Stanislov. If I’m not mistaken it was Priest that named you.”
“Yo, you’ll get no argument from me on that account pops. Growing up in the tenth century with my name was a bitch.” Stanislov grumbled.
“Say, dad. Just how many children do you have?” I asked as I thought about the ages of my two older siblings.
“If we count the ones that didn’t join the ranks of immortals. We have twelve older brothers and nine older sisters, Ashley. We are the youngest.” Angelica told me as she gave me a hug. “Welcome to our ranks sister.”
“Thanks, I think. I do have one question to ask. How many of our siblings are like us?” I asked her and returned the hug.
“Only butthead over there and myself. The rest all refused their immortality. Mostly because of the times and places in which they grew up.” She told me. At my look of puzzlement Angelica explained. “For most us the idea of being immortal is considered a sin against God and man.”
“Okay I think I can get my head wrapped around that.” I told her then grinned. “Where are they now?”
“Heaven. Most of them were burned, hung, pressed, beheaded, or drowned after being convicted for being witches.” Stanislov told me with sigh. “I was there for one of our sisters’ trial. I should say torture. That was one of the reasons for me to join the eternal fight against ‘evil’.”
“And when you got to Heaven you found your sister there waiting for you?” I asked him with a nasty grin.
“How did you know?” He asked me.
“Simple. The real enemy isn’t ‘evil’ but the ignorance and hatred of man. It has been the cause of more pain, misery, and death down through history than anything God ever sent down from heaven.” I told him.
“I must say little sister. For one of the ‘damned’ you have a very strange outlook on life.” Angelica told me with a small smile.
“Wait until you have to deal with her when she hunting. Take some advice Anglica. Stay out of her way. Your baby sister has an extremely short tolerance for stupidity. If you doubt me just ask your Uncle Gaberial. Your Aunt Raphael spent five hours repairing her wings and other injuries from their little tussle.” Michael told her chuckling.
“You call that a little tussle?” Azrael asked with a chuckle.
“Trust me brother. I know my youngest daughter. It could have been a lot worse. I’m talking about a second Trinity site.” Lucifer told him.
“I’m not that bad.” I pouted before grinning at the looks that Lucifer and Machael were giving me. “I’m worse.”
“That’s better. There’s the Hellion that I have all come to know and expect when dealing with you Ashley.” Michael said with a chuckle.
“Glade to know that you have certain expectations when dealing with me Uncle Michael. Though right now I would like to know how you little test turned out?” I told him with a grin.
“To be honest, with you Ashley. You could have gone either way. There are times that even I find our way of judging souls to be far too black and white for my tastes. There certain actions that are classified as sins that damn souls to hell for no other reason than some priest or holy man said they were a sin. Then there are all those souls who don’t believe in our system or follow faith that does not adhere to our rules who are arbitrarily damned to Hell for no other reason than their belief. A prim example of this is you and your mother.” Michael told me.
“How do you figure that?” I asked in confusion. “I mean my mother believes in the Goddess Danu. Like the rest of her coven. As for me. I never followed any particular faith. We both know that I have no use for organized religion.”
“Exactly. Because both you and she did not follow a recognized religion. You were condemned to Hell. Never mind the fact that you are both dragonoids. Your people have no such religion or belief. Even though your mother and her people know that gods and goddess are very real. They refuse to accept their absolute authority. Mainly because dragons and dragonoids rival the power of angels, devils, and demons. Some of the older dragons are powerful enough to rival the gods. I won’t even talk about the power of a dragonoid.” Michael told me with a soft chuckle. “Or a half dragonoid, half angel. From what I understand they can beat the shit out of an archangel.”
“Damned straight they can.” Itherael said with a chuckle as she put her arm across my shoulders. “In many ways brother. I believe that our niece will challenge the foundations for a great many faiths.”
“I don’t care about that bullshit. I only care about being fair. The way I see things is simple. The world in not black and white. It’s filled with shades of gray. For example. I have a collection this evening. I know for a fact that the soul shouldn’t be in Hell. Yet she was sent there because she killed the five men who raped her. Men that escaped justice because they said she solicited sex from them. It was a case of they said, she said, the jury believed the men, and they walked away Scott free. Five days later she killed all five of them as they were attempting to rape another woman.” I told them with a sigh. “This all happened in eighteen-ninety-five. Until two days ago that poor woman has been trapped in an endless Hell loop not of her own making as she killed those men over and over. Until she figure out the key to her redemption. Yet she was turned away from the Pearly Gates because she still has the taint of sin on her soul.”
“What will be her fate when you return her to Hell?” Azael asked.
“I will leave fate to you three.” I told them with a grin. “Nothing says I have to return her to Hell.”
“The Law clearly state that killing is a sin.” Michael point out.
“That is just it Uncle Michael. The woman in question is Native American. She never followed the Christian faith. Yet your people sent her to Hell for following the faith of her people. She was never judged by the Great Spirit. Why should she be judged by a faith she never followed in life?” I asked.
“Ashley has a point Uncle Michael. She’s not the only one who questions our system. I know that I have turned a blind eye to a few of my own collections that were questionable.” Angelica told him bluntly.
“What about you Stanislov?” Michael asked my brother.
“I choose to remain silent.” Stanislov told him with a grin. “I really do love the modern world’s belief in Miranda rights.”
“Damned lawyers.” Lucifer grumbled with a smile. “I swear Mike. I don’t know which side has the bigger slim collection.”
“Oh, that is simple dear brother. Neither. All lawyers are snakes.” Michael smiled. “Speaking of lawyers. Ashley I have a favor to asked.”
“If you want me to collect a lawyer forget it.” I snarled. “They tie my people with endless appeals and demands for trials by their peers. Do know how much paperwork involved in with that shit?”
When my brother and sister heard my complaint they started laughing as they nodded their heads in agreement. Lucifer for all his hands off approach to raising me only grinned. Of all the gathered angels only, Micheal kept a straight face. I could tell that he really needed this favor.
“I’ll make a deal with you. If you make this collection. I’ll have Stanislov handle all of the paperwork. While Angelic can handle the subsequent trials and appeals. How does that sound?” Michael offered as my siblings cringed.
“Who do you need removed from the board?” I asked quickly.
“A London lawyer by the name of James Lithgow.” When Michael told me who he wanted me to collect. I almost shit my pants.
“Are you shitting me? The most honest lawyer in all of the UK, and you want him in Hell. Why?” I demanded.
“The man is far from honest. Though that is not the reason I need for your people to collect his soul.” Michael told me. “He is currently holding highly confidential information that must never see the light of day.”
“What information?” I demanded.
“I’m not at liberty to say.” Michael told me.
“Let me put it like this Uncle Mikey. You want me to collect this man’s soul. You tell me everything or get one of your people to do the job. My people are not and never will be Heaven’s hitmen.” I told him coldly.
“He is holding the secret to the Roseline.” Michael told me.
“Ah shit. He’s blackmailing your people with the secret for more time with the secret. You can’t remove him from the board without exposing the secret. Which is the location for the descendant of Jesus. Something that would prove that Jesus was a more than just the son of God, but a mortal man as well.” I said and quickly summoned up the situation for everyone. “When do you need this to happen Uncle Machael?”
“As soon as possible. It also has to be done by you and only you.” Macheal told me then explained why. “I need a party that is for all practical purposes a neutral party. Of all those currently available in Heaven and Hell. You are the only one who fits that criteria.”
“Why do I have a feeling that your sudden rush to judge me has something to do with this and a few other reasons?” I asked already knowing the answer. “I might be part of Hell’s power structure because of my father but I am also part of Heaven’s because of my ties to the Heavenly Virtues. You needed someone who can work with both sides simply because of their very nature. Someone who is of both Heaven and Hell. Able to walk in both worlds. Why not just have one of my brothers or sisters do the job?”
“Because we were all dead and judged before being accepted into Heaven. You were the only one who is alive at the time of their judgement.” Angelica explained slowly for me. “As such you can still move freely between the worlds of the immortal and mortal.”
“You needed a ringer to deal with the wildcards.” I gasped as I realized why the Heavenly Virtues had rushed to judge me. “While I have never broken the rules outright. My every nature condemns me to Hell anyway. Making me and now my people the perfect weapon for dealing with the elements of Chaos. While at the same time cleaning up the mess that is the metaphysical world.”
“Very good Ashley. You have seen the truth and need behind your Judgement. As a reward for your keen insight, I grant onto you the power for an Angel of Death.” Azrael told me just before he and Itherael disappeared.
“You know something. Just once I wish you would stick around and explain your little gifts. I’m get really tired of figuring shit out in the dark.” I grumbled as daddy, and Michael chuckled at my complaint. My brother and sister for some reason showed an uncommon amount of common sense by keeping their mouths shout and their opinions to themselves.
Chapter 22
Defusing a political bomb.
London, England, two days later.
I left Helga with mom as I headed for London. I can tell you now. Mom and Helga were pissed over what I was about to do. Not that I blame them. I’m a Bounty Hunter for Hell. I’m supposed to be hunting down escaped souls from Hell or finding ghosts that have avoided their eternal reward or punishment. I’m not supposed to be killing some asshole who is blackmailing Heaven for more time on earth. I would even be doing it now if not for one thing.
This man might be squeaky clean in the eyes of the human world, and the law. But he was filthier than a pig in mud as far as Heaven and Hell were concerned. I had learned there were two things you don’t screw with. The first of which is the Pope, but the really big no-no is the Magdalene Bloodline. Under no circumstances are Heaven or Hell to screw with the direct descendants of Mary Magdalene and Jesus Christ. Even making a vailed threat to expose them is enough to get an Immortal Hitman after your ass.
Case in point someone like me or my people. It seems that the Lilium are only in Hell because of a loophole in the system. Not because they’re intrinsically evil, but because they have the power to judge the dead. A right that Heaven has claim for its own but cannot revoke in those who was very nature is to judge the dead. There are a few supernatural beings whose sole duty is to judge dead. Two of those are the Valkyrie and Lilium. Not surprising as they are both the same creature in the eyes of Heaven. The downside to being in charge of those powerful beings is dealing with their rather prickly temperaments. I swear nothing is more unpredictable than a Lilium or Valkyrie during her cycle.
“Come on shithead. Just go home already.” I grumbled as other car slowed down as it passed. I could tell that the man driving was checking me. When they stopped and rolled down the window I had had enough. “Beat fuck face. There is no way you can’t afford me.”
“Stuck up bitch. Who do you think you are?” The man snarled as he opened his door and climbed out of the car. “I’m going to beat some sense into your ass. Then when I’m done. I’m going to fuck that cute little ass of yours.”
“If I were you. I would get back in your car and disappear.” I snarled and bared my fangs. “I haven’t fed tonight and I’m hungry for rapist.”
Needless to say, the man took one look at my fangs and realized that Hell had come to earth. The speed with which he left the area was comical. “I do believe that poor man just had a code brown moment. Nicely done Princess. Thanks to you another soul has found his way toward redemption.”
“Don’t really care, sister.” I said as I turned to face the angel that had appeared behind me. “So, who are you?”
“I’m one of Gadreel’s subordinates, Lisiya.” She told me with a grin as she took in my outfit. “Might I suggest a change in outfits if you want to avoid the attentions of men in general?”
“Yeah don’t blame me. Blame the shitheads upstairs. You angels get to appear all modest and innocent when on earth. While those of us from Hell are stuck with being wet dreams for mortals.” I complained as I looked down at what I was currently wearing and sighed.
The sheer mesh short sleeve mock neck clubwear party bodysuit, fishnet tights, leather miniskirt, and thigh high spiked heel boots left nothing to the imagination. I didn’t know if I was dressed for a night of club hoping or working a street corner. Not that it mattered. No matter what time of the day it was when I appeared on earth. I ended up looking like I was on the prowl for sex. Which I found out was the way that I feed now.
It seems that part of a Lilium’s nature is to feed on the essence of men. Just like a succubus. My first time I almost took too much and turned the boy into a girl. As it is he now suffers from a major hormone imbalance. He looks more like a girl than a boy.
“Okay I’ll give you that.” Lisiya said with a giggle. “So why is the Princess of Hell stalking the corners of London? Surely it’s not to feed.”
“If you want to keep that pretty head of yours Lisiya. Don’t go sticking your nose into the business of me and my Hunters.” I snarled.
“If you’re working my area. I can demand answers.” She told me.
“Take the advice and walk away, angel. My Mistress doesn’t give out second warnings.” Mavis told the angel as she approached from behind me. “Usually, she beats the shit out of someone sticking their nose into our business. You and your sisters on the other hand are a totally different story. You idiots she actually hates with a passion.”
“I don’t hate them Mavis. I just can stand stupidity.” I told her with a grin. “Right now, I need to deal with something. So, fuck off both you.”
“No can do, Princess. I cannot stand back and let minions of Hell just run wild on my streets.” Lisiya snarled. “Not even a pair of Hunters.”
“Mavis have you taken care of your assignment?” I asked her.
“Tagged and in the bag, Mistress. I also sent three lost souls to their Heavenly reward per the new guidelines.” Mavis answered with a small bow.
“Good. Deal with this upstart bitch for me.” I told her as I pointed my thumb at Lisiya. “I got business to take care of.”
“It’ll be my pleasure, Mistress.” Mavis snarled and grabbed the angel by the hair. “Come with me bitch. Time for someone to teach you some manners.”
“Let go of my hair! How dare you treat one of the divine this way!” The angel screamed as Mavis dragged her off into the night.
“Go easy on her Mavis. No broken wings.” I called out as they disappeared. Only to hear Mavis chuckle. “I swear. Ever since I took over that girl has gotten more and more disrespectful of angels.”
“They only follow the example that you set, Ashley.” Uriel said as she appeared next to me. “Not that I can blame them. More than a few of our subordinates could use an education in humility.”
“Then why don’t you do something about their attitudes?” I asked.
“We really can’t. It’s that whole Heaven verses Hell thing. You know, good shall vanquish evil. It gives mid to low level angels an over inflated sense of righteousness. They usually end up getting their asses handed to them when they face off against any devil or demon that is powerful enough to reach the mortal realm on their own.” Uriel explained.
“Oh. In that case can you do me a favor and make sure that Mavis doesn’t go too far with her lesson?” I asked as I spotted my target finally leaving his office. “I’m kind of busy right now or I would hold it myself.”
“I’m sorry but I cannot let you remove James Lithgow just now. He still has a part to play in the Great Plan.” Uriel told me as she moved to stop me.
“Uriel I warned you and the rest of the Virtues to stay out of my way once already. You know that I have no problems with ending your existence.” I warned the archangel with a nasty grin. “By the way I have a feeling that this is one time that the Big Guy upstairs will be on my side.”
“What do you know that I do not girl?” Uriel snarled as she tried to summon her soul weapon and failed spectacularly.
“Let’s just say that he is trying to blackmail your boss for more time.” I told her and turned to follow James Lithgow. I was slightly surprised when Uriel didn’t move to follow me. I could feel the divine power that held her in place. It sent icy shivers up and down my spine.
I kept my distance from Lithgow as we walked down the street to the parking garage where he had his car. I watched as he entered the elevator and waited. When it stopped on the fourth floor I spread my wings turned intangible and flew up through the floors. When I reached the fourth floor I turned tangible and began my hunt. I found him just as he unlocked the doors to his car. I knew that now was the time. Even as I reached for Lithgow he turned to face me with a lopsided grin on his face.
“You can’t kill me demon. If I die. Then the secret of the Magdalina line will be released. Not even you can go against the wishes of Heaven.” Lithgow said as he stepped back from my attack. “I suggest you let me go.”
“You really don’t know who you’re dealing with shithead. The deal you made with Michael and Heaven doesn’t apply to me. Never did, never will.” I told him with a chuckle. “By the way. Did you know that both Heaven and Hell have the best lawyers? Those guys are always looking for the loophole.”
“There is no loophole in my deal girl.” Lithgow snapped. “It clearly states that no immortal being of Heaven or Hell can kill me or collect my soul. Do you see now? None of your attacks will have any effect. I’m immortal.”
“You think so?” I asked with a shit eating grin. Right before I reached into his chest and grabbed his soul. Still grinning I pulled my clenched fist from his chest dragging his soul with it. As I held his squirming soul I licked my lips with my forked tongue playing at the tips of my fangs. “I bet that you’ll taste yummy with a little ketchup or sprinkling of hot sauce.”
“How?” Lithgow’s soul asked as it tried to pull away from my grasp.
“Simple. I am neither of Heaven nor Hell. I am of them both. You see, I fell through the very loophole that you tried to exploit to gain your immortality. You know I have you to thank for my new existence. If it hadn’t been for your deal. The powers that be won’t have been forced to Judge me.” I told him just before I sank my fangs into the soul.
As I drew off his knowledge of the arcane and mystical. I learned where he had hid the secret of the Magdalene Bloodline. As the last of his knowledge seeped for the empty husk the soul crumbled to dust. With this feeding I know that I won’t have to hunt for several weeks. The sheer amount of masculine essence I had drawn off was staggering. It didn’t make any sense. It was as if I had just feed on the lifeforce of several dozen men. It felt like I had just stuck my fangs into a high voltage power line.
“Damn. I’ve never got a rush off of feeding before. What the hell was he?” I asked the empty garage air, not expecting an answer.
“James Lithgow was in truth a grand wizard. One who was several centuries old Ashley. The lifeforce you drained off was equal to that of two hundred men.” Uriel said angerly as she appeared behind me. “Do you have any idea of what you have done child?!”
“Yup. I hunted down, then claimed a piece of shit wizard in the name of Hell. Right before I fed on his ass.” I told her with a grin.
“DAMN IT! That man held the secret to the Magdalen Bloodline! A secret that Heaven has gone out of the way to hide for two millennium! Now nothing will stop that from being reviled! You have placed the coming Savior in dire jeopardy! He is not ready!” Uriel yelled at the top of his lungs.
“Not going to happen. That is one secret that will never get out. Not if I can help it.” I told her as I held out my hand summoning the files from Lithgow’s hidden safe. With the files in hand, I shoved all the pain, hate, and misery they represent into the spell that set them aflame. “For some strange reason. I think I can.”
“What have you done? Do you realize what those files represent? The sheer power of those files could change the world. How dare you destroy them.” Uriel snarled as she finally summoned her soul weapon. “I’ll kill you for you what you have done girl.”
“Don’t think so.” I told her with a grin as I dropped the blazing files. With a speed that I didn’t realize I had I drew my twin pistols. “I’ve been wanting to try these little beauties since I first manifested them.”
“Guns? What good are guns against an immortal?” Uriel asked as she raise her morning star into the on guard position. Only to drop the weapon as I put a bullet through her shoulder.
“I hate to tell you this Uriel. Handguns that are really soul weapons can do a lot of damage. Even to an immortal.” I told her and fired again. This time the bullet tore through her right knee. Shattering the bone in its passing crippling the leg. As she fell to the ground I kicked her morning star out of reach. I stood over the top of her with the barrel of my weapon just inches from her face. “This is the last time I’m going to warn you and the other Virtues. Stay out of my way. Next time I’ll send you straight to Hell on an express ride elevator.”
“How can this be? I thought your soul weapon was a double bladed spear.” Uriel ground out in pain.
“It is and it isn’t. You see Uriel I figured something out about soul weapons. They respond to their owner’s desires. You are hampered by your knowledge of weapons. I’ve been schooled in more than just melee weapons. Firearms are just part of the knowledge. If I want. I can make my soul weapon into a field artillery piece or a heavy machinegun. Even a man portable antitank missile.” I told her with a grin as the knowledge of what I just told her sank in. “That’s right Uriel. I can call on the firepower of a modern arsenal. By the way Uriel, just for your edification. I have shared this knowledge with all of my hunters. Do you still want to try me?”
“Where did you learn this forbidden knowledge?” Uriel demanded as she fought against the pain of her injuries.
“The same place anyone wants to learn something.” I told with a smirk as I turned to walk away. “The greatest deposit of infernal knowledge anywhere in the known universe, Google.”
-----TBC-----