Fleet Commander - In The Line Of Fire - Part One

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"Fleet Commander - In The Line Of Fire - Part One" By Cathy Dee

The Universe is a big, unexplored place, with a LOT of surprises. Think that you have got what it takes?

(From the universe of the sci-fi movie "Wing Commander")

The TCS Black Raven moved with a grace that only battle-hardened war-cruisers have. Her primary hull was darkened from having to fend off the numerous ambushes that she’d encountered from her nine months deep behind enemy lines. Her superstructure was lined from bow to stern with man-made scars, where her engineers had repaired battle damage in order of practicality rather than sleekness. Her Engines, Sensors, Weapons complement and Shielding had all been upgraded, replaced or added to by her crew, to the extent that when she eventually returned to space-dock for re-fit that she’d have to be redesignated with a new ship class, since her specifications no longer fit that of her original “Walker” Cruiser class design. A tough ship to fight under her original design, she was now a “Ship of the Line”, a warship unrivalled by anything else in her class or any other for that matter.

Commodore Samantha Ryan surveyed her Bridge with a feeling of pride. We’ve been through so much and lost so many, but they still put the same performance in everyday, as if we’ve been only a week out of Space-Dock, she marvelled as a couple of ensigns passed her on the way to their duty stations. The only ship that’s seen as much combat as us is the Tiger Claw, and she’s been busier than usual since Paladin took her over.

“Conn, Sensors” Samantha heard over her headpiece.

“Conn here, ‘Becks.’ We’re not in combat, so there’s no need yell, ok?”

Master Chief Rebecca “Becks” Chambers gave a slight smile that nearly made the junior members of the bridge wonder if she’d gone insane, while leaving the more experienced members of the crew nearly beside themselves at the insider's joke. Standing at a diminutive 5’6” with fiery-shoulder length hair, she’d served her entire career under "her" skipper, leaving her side only to get married and to give birth to three kids. Thirty years in Navy blue and I still get to tease the skipper about her wandering imagination, ‘Becks’ chuckled to herself. Though she’s a good one to have, plus I have done some things that I otherwise wouldn’t of been able to of done as just a normal NCO.

“Sure, Skipper. You just looked as if you’d fallen asleep during a Holo-Vid again and needed the wake-up.”

“Ok, ok ok, you’ve got my attention now, what’s up this time, Chief?”

“I’m flicking over to a secure channel…….. I’m receiving a FLASH-traffic Comm-Signal from the Diligent for your eyes only, Commodore. Considering you’re presently doing a complete systems check and we’ve got the same security clearances, I decided to look at it first before I bothered you with it. It’s Paladin, Skipper, and he’s requesting an emergency landing with a large Trauma Med team standing by.”

“Bring him in yourself then Becks, you know the drill.”

“Aye Aye, Skipper”

“ME-DIEC!!! I NEED A MEDIC RIGHT NOW!” I heard Commodore James Taggart screaming at the top of his lungs the second I walked out of my personal turbo-lift to the flight-deck.

“Calm down Taggart! The kid’s in a Statis Pod, he’s not going to be getting any worse while he’s frozen in there, no matter who he is!” I yelled. As a French descendant, ‘Paladin’, or ‘Pally’ as we generally called him, had developed a reputation around the entire fleet of greatly overdramatising things when his temper was up.

“Have a look at the kid and tell me what you think” he said, meanwhile grabbing my arm and pulling me over towards the pod.

My God! He wasn’t kidding!

The last thing that I can remember after that was seeing the floor rush up upon me.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

“She’s coming round” was the next thing I heard.

“That’s good. Combine the surprise with the way her head hit the floor, I thought that I might have had to of put her into the ‘Tank’ for a while.”

“Doc……..?”

“Lay still Skipper, you scared the hell out of me. I thought that you’d re-broken your neck with that little escapade you had on the flight deck.”

“Where’s Taggart?”

“Right here, Sammi. When I called the med-team, I didn’t expect for them to be treating two patients at once."

Then everything went dark again.

End of Part One

This is a work-in-progress which I'll be adding to as I get the time. Enjoy. :)
Cathy.

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Comments

interesting beginning

Okay this a interesting beginning but we need more information please!
grover

Reminds me of a certain teacher's assignment

Hope Eternal Reigns's picture

Hey Cathy,

I once heard of an English composition teacher who got extremely tired of reading mystery essays done by her students which all started out with "It was a dark and stormy night..." Her next assignment was very short; write a first line for a mystery story that will: immediately capture the reader's interst, and not be in any way similar to anything seen before. The student who got the best grade for the assignment also almost grossed the teacher right out. His line was: (and I'm paraphrasing a little because it was many years ago that I first read this.)

"It took us three days to clean all of the remains of uncle Albert off the walls and ceiling of the dining room."

I realize this first line is a few words shorter than your opening, but they have the same effect I think. They have JUST barely enough information to get the reader quite interested but leave so many unanswered questions that that same reader is also left EXTREMELY frustrated.

Please finish your story as soon as possible.

Thank you.

with love,

Hope

with love,

Hope

Once in a while I bare my soul, more often my soles bear me.

Grats

A really good start. I left wanting more. I hope the following parts aren't as short but you parted at a critical point that leaves us wanting to know what happened (a good thing for a writer bad for us readers, who just gotta know). Keep up the good work.

Love,

Paula

Seek freedom and become captive of your desires. Seek discipline and find your liberty.

The Coda
Chapterhouse: Dune

Paula

Seek freedom and become captive of your desires. Seek discipline and find your liberty.

The Coda
Chapterhouse: Dune

There will be more coming soon.....

One of the reasons I posted this was to force myself to continue along with this storyline, so I can pretty much guarantee that there will be more coming along soon.

Cathy.

Watch your airspeed!

This story starts well with a strong first couple of paragraphs, but it is wobbling on the edge of a stall by the end. There is a very distracting shift from third-person to first-person in the middle, and by the end I'd completely lost track of the point-of-view character. Is it the Master Chief? The Commodore? The second-last sentence suggests the latter, so how did she come to be on the flight-deck?

Best wishes, Andrea.

Best wishes, Andrea.

ARGH!

MORE! NOW!

By the way, I liked it!

More, now, please!

Thanks!

DD

Potential

Good start to a story with potential. I had no problem following the flow of the plot. This is not star-trek--no transporters--. The logical place to meet an incoming craft would be the flight deck. The commodore requested the med-team therefore the speaker was the commodore. No problem. A good chapter served in a demi-tasse. Next time could we please have a mug. g thomas