Trina nodded. “Like I said before, I’m still not ready for Trina to be exposed to the rest of the school like, officially.” She sighed. “Sometimes it still feels like Trina’s taking over my life.”

I couldn’t take it anymore, and finally pulled her into a hug. “Trina, there’s something I have to tell you. I know exactly what you’re going through because … Because I went through it last summer. The reason I was out for surgery is … because I was having GRS.” I frowned. Trina’s eyes widened and her jaw slackened. Annabell just smiled a soft, reassuring smile.

“You’re... You weren’t born a... I mean...” she fumbled, utterly shocked. I nodded.

---

“I see where you’re going with it,” Jessica - AKA the lead singer for Heedless Despair, commented casually as we gathered around Kelly’s piano. She had very generously offered to let Moira and I borrow it for the day, but neither Kelly nor I had any idea Jessica would be turning up that day - that was Moira’s little secret apparently.

“I’m not convinced it’s stage-quality,” I answered honestly. “I mean the music part is great - I wouldn’t expect any less from Moira though, but the lyrics feel... amateur at best. I’d be embarrassed to have someone sing this in front of a small audience let alone on-stage.”

That caused Jessica to laugh outright. “Writing - especially songwriting, is a process. Think of it like a painter or a sculptor. A painter doesn’t just slap on a few colors and call it done, and a sculptor can’t just tap a marble block and make a masterpiece.”

Moira interrupted her there, holding up a finger and grinning. “Technically, SpongeBob can.”

Jessica rolled her eyes. “You and that yellow blockhead.” She grinned now too, causing Moira to laugh out loud.

“Punny, love. Very punny. But y’know she’s a point. It’s a process. That’s why I asked her to stop in and throw in her two quid.”

“My two quid?” Jessica shot back. “I usually charge a lot more than that for my advice.”

I couldn’t help myself and added, “But the girl in the comic strip usually charges a nickel.”

Jessica actually giggled. “Inflation!” she teased as she leaned closer to examine the hand-written sheet music. “The lyrics aren’t actually the problem in this stanza though. See where you’ve got it going da-da-dee-da, maybe elongate this to a quarter note so it sounds more like,” she began to sing, not in the opera-like soprano that I’d become so used to in their music, but as a normal person might - still quite perfectly on pitch as near as I could tell, but without the emphasis, or loudness.

Moira casually nodded as she made a note on a nearby notebook. “That does sound better. It gives it a more haunting quality. I really think this would make an excellent ballad.”

Jessica nodded. “Requiem of a Robin?” she teased, grinning over at me. I quickly shook my head.

“Ohhh no, if you guys want to use a modified version of my poem I’m fine with that, but I don’t want anything out of it, least of all for anyone to know I worked on it.”

Jessica’s face seemed a mix of surprise and contemplation at that, so I decided to change the subject.

“So can I ask why you didn’t sing like you do on-stage? Or does it have something to do with that tea you like?”

She smiled again, which was itself worth the topic shift, I thought. As she continued to scan the sheet music sitting against the piano’s sleek black music stand, she replied, “That’s about the size of it. I have to warm up before I sing very much. If I don’t, I could strain my voice and then we’d all be in the stew pot. That tea you’ve seen me drink helps soothe both before and after a show, too. So now let me ask you something.” She had that “I’m not letting this go” kind of look in her eyes. Moira didn’t seem to notice, or was too engrossed in making changes to the score.

“Um, sure I guess?”

“Why don’t you want anyone to know you worked on a song with us? There’s no ‘wrong’ answer now, mind you, I’m just curious - also bear in mind there’s a reason we keep our real identities quiet, so I think I know the answer already.”

I laughed a little and nodded. “You do. Honestly I’m not that talented. This is the only poem I’ve ever written that I actually liked, and I already put a lot of work into it. I wrote it because I wanted to emulate the amazing work that you all put into your performances. It was actually going to just be a surprise for Nicole, but when she found it I knew trying to hide it would just make things worse, so...”

“So now you’re sitting at a piano with two European rock divas turning it into a song to protect her feelings, aye?” Moira commented with a giggle, wrapping an arm around me. “Yer secret’s safe with us.”

I breathed a relieved sigh and smiled, nodding. “Thanks. That’s the other part of why I don’t want anything. This is my gift to her, one way or another. She’s my best friend, my girlfriend, maybe my lover. We haven’t gotten that far yet.”

Jessica giggled softly under her breath. “You might be too young for that last one, but never let anyone tell you you’re too young for love.”

“Why, Jess, was that an admission of some sordid schoolgirl fling in your distant past?”

Jessica grinned innocently. “Let’s just say when I was a wee lass, I had a … less than savory reputation and leave it at that, shall we?”

“So how did you get into music? I promise not to tell, but it’s something I’ve always wondered. You have such an amazing voice.”

“Probably the only ‘ladylike’ thing I ever did as a child - to hear my parents tell it at any rate - was in my music lessons, primarily piano, but I wanted so much more. I found the classical arts crowd just too stuffy.” She paused and tilted her head. She had that contemplative look cross her lightly painted lips again. “Are you sure you want to hear this? It’s really quite boring.”

Moira laughed, elbowing her lightly. “You love telling this story and you know it!”

I nodded. “I’m interested, really. I know Moira’s story, but the rest of you I don’t know anything about.”

She smiled, satisfied. She idly toyed with a small silver diamond engagement ring on her right finger as she sat down on a small stool next to the piano bench I shared with Moira. “Nice, innit?” she added, holding her hand out. “Took him two years to pop the question. I guess he was intimidated by my success... Or Kristen. Not sure which.” She giggled softly. “Anyway, I went through the motions, rose in the ranks, prestigious awards and all that rot, but I wasn’t happy.”

“I’m guessing this is the part where you ran away from home and joined the circus?” I teased, and both women laughed.

“Yer not far off,” Moira giggled. Jessica rolled her eyes.

“Hush you,” she shot back. “Actually it was a punk band, bunch of Londoners. We were O so creatively called ‘Sin’. S’how I met Kristen though. I’ll let you in on a little secret about Kristen. She’s a damn sight smarter than she acts. She has a Masters’ in Physics and a … Bachelors’?” she asked, glancing at Moira.

“Bachelors’, aye, in sound engineering. Now y’know why our road crew’s so small - security aside.”

Jessica nodded. “Exactly. She does all of our stage magic and pyrotechnics. She doesn’t trust anyone else to do it, and honestly I agree with her.”

“So what happened with ‘Sin’?” I just had to ask.

“Our idiot drummer literally pissed away our entire bank account. The fool nearly died from alcohol poisoning after he nicked the PIN and cleaned us out. It was a regular MTV reality TV special after that, complete with infighting and drama. Finally Kris and I couldn’t take it so we retired. I went to teach music at a London uni, and Kris fell back on her degrees. We swore we’d never do this again.”

Moira laughed. “But that didn’t last long. Performing is like its own kinda drug. It gets into you, gets you hooked, and when you’re away from it too long, that’s when ya really start to miss it.”

“Exactly. So one day out of the blue Kris gives me a ring and says ‘Jessie, are you as tired of the kiddie-bopper trash as I am?’” Jessica paused to laugh at that. “Those were her exact words too. I hadn’t spoken to the woman in two years, and that’s the first thing she says to me. God, I missed her.”

Moira just giggled as Jessica continued.

“She had this great idea to combine the stage theatrics of the old guard from the 60s and 70s with our Punk roots and give it a nice, dark edge, and I suppose the rest is history.”

Moira smiled fondly. “I’m so glad you talked me into coming back Jess.”

“Are you kidding?” Jessica balked. “Do you know how many vampire-wannabes and bass superstars who only knew five notes I had to go through before I found you? I wasn’t about to let you walk away so easily, even if I had to deck that fool PR manager personally.”

“Anyway, I’ve made some changes here,” Moira replied, “So tell me what you think. You too Robin.”

The first day of school was rapidly approaching. I still had some last-minute shopping to do the weekend before. The four of us - that is, Ally, Jenn, Nikki and myself, had just gotten back to Alpine Springs after a day trip to New Haven, and after dropping the other two off, we started back for my house when I noticed a big grand opening sign on the old pawn shop across from the pizza parlor.

Beneath the grand opening banner, a more permanent sign, a light plum in elegant text on a dark background read ‘Annabell’s Secrets’.

Of course, I knew about the old building. It was right across from the most popular teen hangout in Alpine Springs. I had also noticed vehicles parked in front more and more over the last several weeks, including Trent’s car, but I hadn’t given it any further thought until today.

“What’s going on over there?” I asked as we sat at the nearby traffic light. Nikki grinned.

“Remember Annabell, the new girl I’ve been talking your ear off about?”

“Oh yeah. I’ve been looking forward to meeting her. I’ve just been so busy.”

She smiled and nodded. “It’s okay. She’s been pretty busy herself. She had a tidy little nest egg saved up so she bought that old pawn shop and converted it into a goth boutique. See, she makes dresses, and she’s really good at it too. Oh, but don’t worry, her clientele are much different from the stuff Margie sells. Hey, wanna go check it out?”

“I’d love to!” I answered warmly. Sure, I’d been all day shopping, my feet hurt, and I wanted to get home, but my desire to finally meet the apparently openly transgendered girl - according to what Nikki had told me anyway - outweighed all that. Plus she sounded really nice to boot.

As we pulled into the parking lot, I saw a familiar face through the shop window. Trina, dressed in a very cute sleeveless black corset dress, her fiery hair up in twin buns held in place with black ribbons, busied herself putting the finishing touches on a window display centered around what looked like a Victorian style tapered sleeve gown.

“Oh, that’s pretty,” I commented as we stepped out of Nikki’s Mustang. She shot me a grin.

“The Victorian, or the one Trina’s wearing?”

I laughed as I squeezed her hand. “Both. But when did Trina start coming out during the day?”

“Annabell hired her as the new manager, and pays her in cash plus, due to government regulations, a dress a month since she’s under-age and can’t be paid what the full position’s worth yet.”

“Wow. Some of these dresses can get pretty pricey. That’s a heck of a bonus.”

Nikki slooowly glanced at me as we walked around the side of the building toward the entrance. “When did you start looking at stuff like this?”

I giggled. “I wanted to find out how much the dress Laura had given me was worth. I don’t want to repeat the number out loud, but I almost returned it to her the same day when I found out.”

Nikki laughed softly. “Funny you mention that. We were talking about it that day Annabell first bought this place. Laura wanted you to have it though. It meant the world to her that you liked it so much.”

I blinked at her as I pushed the door open. “Really?”

But before Nikki could answer, Trina threw her arms around me, nearly lifting me off my feet as she squeezed me. “Robin! Hey!” she bubbled excitedly. “Hi Nikki!” she added.

“Eek! Trina! Oxygen!” I teased, causing her to laugh, letting me go.

“Doing some last-minute shopping, or just came to say hi?” she asked. “Everything’s discounted in honor of the grand opening, if you see anything you like.”

“Mostly just to say Hi,” I answered, eyeing a really cute tiered ruffle skirt though. “But I just bought a new top today that would look amazing with this. It’s like a mini-vest layered over a black top. I was afraid it made me look too young.”

“Maybe if you put your hair in pigtails it might,” Nikki teased.

Trina laughed. “That’s kind of the idea behind some of this stuff though,” she added. “We sell everything from true Punk, Goth, Industrial, Victorian, and EGL - Elegant Gothic Lolita. As a bonus Annabell’s teaching me her craft - I mean, how to sew and stuff,” she corrected herself and smiled sweetly, which, coupled with that dress, and her hair up in twin buns, just looked so cute. I had to giggle.

“You look amazing. So this is where you’ve been disappearing to after work on the old asylum, huh?” I teased. She nodded happily.

“I’ve so wanted to tell everyone, but I’m just not ready for people outside the ‘scene’ to see me like this yet. But I’m getting there.”

A female, and very English - upper class Posh by my guess anyway - voice called from the back room, “Yes, and when you are making $500 on every dress you make yourself, you’ll be the one laughin’ all the way to the bank. I’ll be right out, ladies,” she added a moment later. “Bloody mannequin!” she barked.

Trina giggled. “Ooh oh. I’d better go help her. Be right back!”

Nikki stepped up beside me, holding up an electric blue A-line dress against me appraisingly and grinning. “Sooo, what do you think of the ‘new’ Trina?” she asked.

“Is it just me or does she seem a lot happier here than when she was working at Hot Topic?”

“Trent hated that place, but it was there or the food court, until Annabell moved here with her sister.” She paused to lower her voice. “Trent is going through a rough patch right now.”

“He reminds me a lot of myself,” I answered softly. “He always has to be honest. The first time I met Trina, once she stopped being nervous, she just... seemed so naturally girly, y’know?”

Nikki nodded gently. “He’s struggling with his identity. He finally called Doc Ketz back for a follow-up though.”

I smiled a little. “Good. If anyone can help him - or her - Barbara can.”

“Barbara can what?” Trina whispered from right beside me, causing me to jump, and her blonde-haired companion to howl with laughter.

“God, how do you sneak up on people in those things?” I asked, pointing at Trina’s 1  ½” platform sneakers. She giggled loudly.

“Practice!” she answered warmly. “And I’m going out on a limb and guess you were talking about Doctor Ketz?” she asked rather open and honestly. I nodded sheepishly.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to sound like we were gossiping about you or anything,” I tried to apologize. Trina shook her head and hugged me again.

“It’s okay. I know everybody’s been walking on eggshells around me lately. Everyone except Annabell. Oh! Hey! Robin this is Annabell!” she grabbed my hand as well as the blonde haired girl’s, pulling them together for us to shake.

Annabell smiled warmly. “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you Robin. Nikki’s told me a lot about you. And as far as Trina’s concerned, well, she has my full support, even though I won’t be attending classes regularly. It’s some weird thing with UK to American school transitioning that with my credit hours, I just need one class to graduate over here. So I’ll be ‘round when I can.”

Trina nodded. “Like I said before, I’m still not ready for Trina to be exposed to the rest of the school like, officially.” She sighed. “Sometimes it still feels like Trina’s taking over my life.”

I couldn’t take it anymore, and finally pulled her into a hug. “Trina, there’s something I have to tell you. I know exactly what you’re going through because … Because I went through it last summer. The reason I was out for surgery is … because I was having GRS.” I frowned. Trina’s eyes widened and her jaw slackened. Annabell just smiled a soft, reassuring smile.

“You’re... You weren’t born a... I mean...” she fumbled, utterly shocked. I nodded.

Nikki spoke up, “Do you remember when we first introduced Trina, I told you Robin of all people would understand? I wasn’t talking about her being lesbian. I couldn’t tell you that I was talking about her being transgendered though. It’s a secret I swore to never tell anyone.”

“Although I did figure it out on my own,” Annabell added, “Having been there myself.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. The stress from keeping it a secret, as my social life put more and more pressure on me to be this perfect all-star american teenager, was driving me crazy. I wanted to tell you, and it’s not that I didn’t trust you-”

Trina held up her hand for me to wait. She smiled and hugged me more tightly than she had ever done before, and then she looked at me with tears rolling down her cheeks.

“I know why you didn’t tell me, and I understand. I don’t know if I’m like you and Annabell. Part of me... yes, part of me wants to stay Trina all the time, but I don’t feel ‘that way’ - you know? Wanting to take the steps you and Annabell have taken.”

“Not everyone does,” Annabell answered. “That’s why I’ve been trying to get you involved in a support group, love. I’ve been here … a couple of months now? And already you’re like a second sister to me. I just want you to do what makes you happy, whatever that is. You don’t have to mutilate yourself - and that’s exactly what you would be doing if it wasn’t what you truly wanted.”

“She’s absolutely right,” I added. “I wanted to have the surgery done too. I was going to wait until my eighteenth birthday, but I was going to do it sooner or later. I knew without question that it had to be done. It honestly doesn’t make you any less you if you don’t. I learned a lot about gender from working with Doctor Ketz. That’s the whole reason I suggested her specifically.”

Trina smiled a little as Annabell and I hugged her. “I love you guys,” she whispered. “I don’t know … I don’t know what I feel. Sometimes both... Sometimes neither. But I know that I’m happier when the world sees me as Trina. What does that mean?”

Annabell giggled a little and kissed Trina’s cheek. “That’s a question you’ll have to answer yourself, but I can tell you, your circle of support just increased, right Robin?” she asked, smiling at me. I nodded.

“It’s been killing me inside not being able to share this with you. The worst part has been being on the basketball team and the cheer squad, though. I’m not sure how they’re going to react now that I’ve been cleared by an independent gynecologist to change with the others.”

This time, Annabell reacted with surprise. “Jesus girl. How’d you manage that so soon after surgery?”

“It’s a new experimental technique that’s apparently been in development awhile. I don’t know how it works exactly, but combined with the combination of drugs they have me taking, the scar tissue heals much faster. More importantly I don’t have to... Erm...” I started to blush, and Annabell laughed again. “...as often.”

“Ohh, visit from a little friend, huh?” she asked. I blushed even deeper, nodding. Trina looked confused between the two of us, and Annabell leaned close, whispering in her ear. Her cheeks turned bright red as she covered her mouth.

“Seriously?”

Annabell and I both nodded, the former adding, “It takes getting used to when you prefer the fairer sex, but my girlfriend back home had a fine-”

Nikki cleared her throat.

“What?” Annabell asked. “I was just going to say ‘sense of understanding’.” She grinned innocently.

Trina shook her head. “Well I don’t know about all that... I... I’m having trouble fathoming the idea of surgery. I’m still dealing with the fear of catching hell from people at school.”

“That’s why I’ve been so careful,” I answered. “Not telling anyone but Ally and Nikki - Jenn figured it out on her own. It’s called ‘stealth’ for a reason after all.”

Trina giggled a little. “Besides, it’s not like it’s anyone else’s business. But I don’t have that luxury. If I did this, everyone would know.”

“And they’d know you make a fortune making dresses on commission for me, too. Government can’t take THAT away from you,” Annabell reminded her. “But this seems a pretty understanding community. I know not everyone’s so nice as you all, but even the rabble run for cover when I flash my MI-6 badge.” She laughed.

“Um... MI-6? As in...” I started to ask. She nodded.

“Oh yes. My sister’s an active field agent over here on some... collaborative deal with your Homeland Security. Me? I don’t dare ask what it’s about. I do some work on the side for them, when they need something to look designer-quality on a government military issue budget. I’m not even combat-trained, but nobody else has to know that, y’know?” She grinned innocently.

“Oh,” she added, almost as an afterthought, “if you still want that skirt I’ll knock another 25% off - call it a friends and family discount.”

“Wow. Thank you. I love it. And Trina, if you ever need to talk, please don’t hesitate to call me okay? Nikki, Alli and Jen have been through this with me too.”

Nikki laughed. “Yeah, her getting on hormones was fun. We’ll conference call, or if you really need it we’ll all come over with some ice cream.”

Trina smiled happily as she nodded. “I’ll let you know around October,” she shot back. “I’m planning on wearing one of Annabell’s Halloween costumes to school to kind of see how things go. One day at a time.” She sighed in what at least to me sounded like a happy tone, as she rang up my purchase on her tablet PC. “One day at a time.”

---

Author's Note:

Trina is a very special character for me. I've always said that she's more like me than Robin. I've struggled for years with being TG, questioning my identity and where I "fit in" on the spectrum, and I wanted to shed some light on Trina's struggle.

There's another, unpublished, story Ashleigh and I are working on that deals with Annabell and Trina. In many ways it's a spiritual successor to "Becoming Trina", and it goes over in more detail what Robin's missed while she was out of commission, but hopefully this was enough to whet the appetite in terms of Trina's struggle. Now that Trina knows about Robin, both her, and Robin's, support groups have gotten a little bigger.

NEXT CHAPTER! First day of school, and the long-awaited shower scene ;-)