Awh, it does not behave itself.
Ah well, that's also life.
Now I don't know about you, and I sure didn't know anything about Elfland either but when people enroll me in their schemes without asking, it kind of get my hackles up. It pisses me off royally to be absolutely truthful, I'm reasonably sure that I wasn't put on this planet, or any planet at all, to become someone's loyal subject. Well, at least I believed so before meeting Evelyn, that is.
But her and Jéena is one thing, those two old geezers scheming something entirely different. So, nope, sorry, no deal, bye, bye. I'm what obstinate is made of if you get my drift, so, whatever you got it won't work I thought to myself. That put aside I could now concentrate on my real concerns. How to drink my tankard as fast as humanly possible, and then how to best sneak back in between my two sleeping beauties before Evelyn noticed.
That first concern was rater easy actually, and very enjoyable too if I may add. In fact it was so enjoyable that I had to redo it. The second time it was even better. And then both were feeling alone so I had no choice but sending down a third to keep them company.
It gave such a pleasant satisfied glow to the proceedings I felt, I could easily understand why it was in such demand as a thirst quencher. I decided to tiptoe back to my girls to carefully insinuate myself in between them. Where I before had seen the task as insurmountable I now at worst saw it as moderately challenging.
With my newly won confidence I felt sure that if worst came to worst, a few calming words and a slight smile would do wonders with my little darlings attitude. And if it didn't? Well, then I just had to remind her, in no uncertain language mind you, that there were other fishes in the ocean, wouldn't I. I'm a man baby, I could hear myself explain sternly, I will roam and yes, I hunt.
We all have our urges and a man needs his space. You're a girl Evelyn and that's different. And all of it naturally in the most comforting tone to exemplify to her the full depth of my care and understanding. Yep, I've got all the bases covered I thought smugly to myself as I started to work my way back in between those two glorious babes.
Perhaps I should have been a trifle more cautious as I did it though. I don't know how it happened really, but when I was finished it was Jéena who's head was resting in my lap and somehow Evelyn now was draped all around me with her hands resting where they might be severely misunderstood should Jéena wake up prematurely.
I tried to correct it but somehow it just made it worse. I could now hear sniggers spreading in the chamber and looking up I unhappily found me being the new focal point, of undivided interest, by all. It was at that moment Master Alphonz with a truly devilish smile choose to clasp his hands together, deliberately and loud. "Ahem, as I was saying before. You'll make a most interesting apprentice Joe, wouldn't you agree Evelyn?"
Evelyn who didn't seem all too happy with being waked up so abruptly, almost hanging over my shoulder as she was, shook her head to clear her thoughts. "Sorry Alphonz, would you repeat that please?" As Alphonz retold his litany she looked at me, then down at Jéena still happily snoring away in my lap, then back at me but now sniffing the air as if there was something unpleasant hiding there.
Sitting there I suddenly found myself doubtful. The plan I had formulated in my head just before, and which then had seemed absolutely foolproof, had by now started to fracture dangerously. Could she or could she not read my mind? And what was it she smelled?
Her hands, who before just had seemed a slight nuisance as they were placed, by now started to worry me a lot. She had started to clench and unclench them as she sniffed and her nails, which by now more and more resembled small scalpels to my imagination, left me no rest. It was all to near my pride and joy for me. "Remember Evelyn how you like children. Babies sweet Evelyn, wouldn't you like babies?"
She looked at me again as if trying to decipher what I meant, then she followed my gaze down and slowly she gave me a small but grimly satisfied smile. Studying me, nodding emphatically she just left them there for me to see, clenching and unclenching rhythmically with the nails glistening in blood-red nail polish.
Was this the moment to explain that she only was a girl I wondered. Nah, what had seemed so reasonable before, now looked as the very height of foolishness to me, as well as a sure road to destruction. " Are you angry Evelyn?" I whispered. While whispering I could see several of our onlookers now leaning forward as if striving to hear.
"You know very well you, you drunkard!" She whispered back furiously. "Drunkard?" I replied trying my best to sound surprised. "If you by that mean that I was thirsty and the only thing to drink was that green stuff? It was very good by the way. Oh, you mean it contained alcohol? I never even noticed baby."
Scrutinizing my appearance she seemed to become sad suddenly. "I promised myself." She reminded herself in a low tone. "Never ever again would I get involved with anyone drinking but here I am, and with you, a mere boy. You're not even dry behind the ears yet, are you Joe." By now I had started to feel a little guilty as I listened to her, still, She could have told me, couldn't she?
And even if I had known, I think I still would have wanted a taste. "Look Evelyn." I pointed out, somewhat irked, "I don't go around fighting just because I had a drink or two you know. I'm basically a very laid back guy, drunk or sober." I tried to probe her a little . "So, I guess you have had some bad experiences then?"
She looked at me without seeming to see me for a moment, then she smiled wistfully as if remembering something sad. This time her smile felt more sincere though. "Let's talk about that later Joe, that involves things that still hurts." She said noticing our audience. "I think it's time you wake up our sleeping beauty here." I looked down at Jéena marveling at her capacity for sleeping through almost anything and then shook her lightly while whispering "scoones!" in her right ear.
To which her immediate response was "Yes, thank you." Without even opening her eyes. "Ach soo. Now you're awake my liebchen. Gut, das thou surrender." I asked her in my best guttural German accent. She opened her eyes briefly looking very confused, desperately trying to remember where she was. All of a sudden she saw that she was resting in my lap and, her face coloring into crimson, she quickly looked askance at Evelyn, who just smiled back reassuringly. At that she seemed to relax somewhat again.
Thinking of it I wondered if 'drunkard' was the worst word Evelyn knew? In this world of theirs there seemed to be little need for expletives and diminishing people. It kind of made me feel warm inside seeing it. Banter and teasing they had, anger and war too. But comparing that with how people in Mundania behaved, constantly needling others to prove themselves better or in some indefinable way more 'worthy' really simplified my choice of living. No way I wanted to go back to that.
As I see it we're all human beings, even though different in many ways. To believe yourself 'superior' is just another form of insanity in my eyes. We can all find situations where we are superior, to our children for example. Does that mean that we are better than they are? Intelligence can be as ignorant as the worst savage. Never confuse it with wisdom. We're all human beings, nothing more but also, nothing less.
Mundania though rested on many such beliefs, intangible nightmares exquisitely defined to continue sowing strife and injustice. All of those using people's fear of being perceived as different for the pivot wherefrom they could infest minds like locusts. So there the mundanians were, steered without questioning, believing themselves to think on their own. Add to that each and every person's belief that they, and only they, knew what was right and wrong and you have it. A real mess.
Even the modern so called psychological 'sciences' was bound to those needs. The now so beloved behavioristic approach was a true sign of the times. Whereby humanity were reduced to its basest ingredients and outlines, and being treated as an automata either were found to be 'mended' or not, depending on their forthcoming actions.
That same type of ideal made about any definition a society one could think of to become 'sane', that is as long as it fitted that particular societies need. So the former soviet's regime asylums from a purely behavioristic standpoint was 'sane', as long as the society around it tolerated it. As well as Chinas prison camps is sane when seen through the eyes from inside China.
And no, you saying that it was neither sane nor humane wouldn't make a difference. Mundanian philosophy of life, was more a question about attitudes and preconceptions reinforced on a mass basis, than that of a freethinking individual. Starting at childhood and continuing all through ones life. So admittedly, I was quite happy to be out of it. On the other hand I knew to little to really prove my ideas about this place yet, but even so, what little I'd seen still made it seem better than Mundania.
Most of what Mundanians believed in and what steered their actions was intangibles, from the concept of money to the concept of the soul. So saying that behaviorism which is the study of, and only of, tangibles was the correct answer? Well at its best it was extremely doubtful, and at its worst, an outright lie. Ah well, enough of that.
By this time all three of us were awake, although I had started to feel slightly inebriated, not surprisingly admittedly, as I in fact had drunk three tankards in a fairly short time. Now Master Alphonz found it for good to gather up the reins again. "Yes." He mused as if to himself. "The question here is how we should proceed." He now stopped talking for a while, looking at the fire as if dreaming away.
"It might be so that time itself is unraveling and this is the beginning to the end for us, if so I strongly believe that in the end all realms will fall." He lost himself staring into the fire again. "Then again one can wonder if there might be some way to communicate with the force attacking, nota bene, if it now is an attack at all." Now master Aloysius replied "You are eminently right there Master Alphonz. The question indeed is, are we under attack by something conscious wanting to harm us or is it by something inanimate without reason."
Thinking of it I had to wonder myself what was right. If there was an attack what would the spoils of it be? A ordinary war, at least in Mundania, was usually over material winnings, the power to control territories and those living there. I couldn't help but ask Master Liam about what the profit of it might be, and there he freely admitted that he couldn't see any good answers. Seeing that all present seemed as stymied as me made me feel not quite the enormous ignoramus I first had surmised myself to be.
"So let that be our first goal then." Maste Alponz suddenly suggested. "To find out if there is some way to communicate with this strange upheaval. And to see, if that turns out to be the case, there still might be some possibility of reconciliation." He stopped for a moment but then he peered out at us, sharply under those white bushy eyebrows again. "Simultaneously we need to find out if there is even the slightest possibility of undo it by ordinary magical means. And that means magical research of the highest order." Now there was heard a general sound of accord as well as some diverse "Hear, hear," from the congregation.
"What about the portends." A clear voice was heard. Alphonz looked up startled. "What portends?" He asked sharply. "Joes. He had had some very strange dreams lately." Replied Jéena because it was her that had asked in the first place too, naturally. Why wasn't I surprised. I had just started to enjoy the slight buzz from my drinks as well as my newly found anonymity when she had to sabotage it all. "Yes." Master Alphonz answered sounding slightly confused. "Dreams I knew he wanted to talk about, but portends? Are you sure child?" He asked me.
Now I may be young but in Mundanian terms at least, I was definitely no child any more, and I was getting fed up with people constantly referring to me as such. In my eyes I was unquestionably, and most assuredly, at least the equivalence of Evelyn or for that sake Jéena. To be honest I found them both sadly immature, I thought to myself, at least when compared to a gentleman of my caliber and spiritual refinement.
I realized that I had to explain those important discernment's of mine at the soonest. They were of importance to the further treatment and understanding of my wholesome intellectual depth. I could no longer allow this assembly to so misjudge my qualities. "Aheem." I started, now everybody quieted down, instead strictly observing me with the quiet fascination of folks waiting for yet another circus-act to unfold.
"Ah." I said and now they all leaned forward. I looked down only to find both Evelyn and Jéena observing me with that same kind of intense fascination. It was strange but neither one of them could be still, I noticed as I once more concentrated on what I wanted to say. "Ah, ahem. Ash I wash Shaying." I started once more, strange that nobody could sit still I thought.
"There'sh been a shlight misshundersthanding here." Then I stopped to as I had to draw a deep breath again, must remember to breathe I admonished myself. "Thosshe little wimen." I started to explain as I looked down at my two, no, three wavering ladies. "They doeshn't undershtand the importanshe of a shentleman's dreamsh."
"Shhh!" I majestically put a finger to my mouth, as I now found Both of Evelyn wanting to interrupt my sympathetic explanation of their plight. "Ich not your fault dear, you're jusht not ash mature ash me." I then smiled at them and nodded in a most friendly manner. It felt so strange that I had to redo it, just to find out exactly why my head wanted to leave my neck all of a sudden, but it didn't. Most comforted by that simple fact I now sat myself down. Feeling good to the core in the simple knowledge that I, for once, had set everything and all straight.
"Shou well shee shweeshearsht." I addressed the girls and, their sisters were they? "Now when shey know she true whort of a shentleman, and shome shleep'shoo. Night." I muttered, while I tried to stabilize the sofa by gripping it fiercely with my hands. I also decided to save my girls by restraining them with the help of my limbs, as the sofa by now had started to move in a most unsettling manner. I wondered as I slowly drifted off just how many twins those two girls had. And why they hadn't bothered to introduce them before.
