A Woman’s Voice 2/3 – Living as a Man

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Eleanor was a bonnie young woman, and I could see envy in many a man’s eyes when she was seen by them. Her breasts were scarce contained, perhaps constrained would be a better word, by her bliaut,(1) the sleeves of which were lined with costly silks. As was befitting the only daughter of a wealthy and powerful lord on her wedding procession to the heir of an even more wealthy and powerful lord she was dressed in costly fabrics and gems and was in the care of a dozen finely dressed women and girls. Her escort was nigh to three hundred well horsed and accoutred men at arms all brightly arrayed in the colours of their lord.

She was tall for a girl and had child bearing hips that drew the eyes of men and women alike as she walked. As was befitting a bride she had a blush to her face that rarely left her and it went down as far as the eye could see when she had sight of me. My Lord had said her father had tried to arrange a number of marriages for her, but once seen by prospective matches for her they withdrew due to her height, for they had not wished a bride of greater height than themselves. I would not have been bothered, even had I been of lesser height than she, but I am tall and Eleanor reached no higher than my shoulder, and was as I said a girl of surpassing beauty.

Cloistered and mewed mongst her women and guarded by her father’s soldiery till our wedding she was not available to me for aught but the most commonplace of pleasantries in the hearing of others till after our wedding. Her family and their folk I knew held to the old ways, and her father had sent his chief Brehon and three women skilled in the womens’ mysteries to ensure his daughter was properly married in the eyes of the Goddess and to ensure her birthings were easy and frequent. My Lord who did not encourage the new ways, though he did not forbid them, said it would be for the best if our chief Brehon accompanied by three of our own such women conducted proceedings with those of my bride. My Lady was the most highly respected of our women of the mysteries.

The two Brehons conducted the ceremony and my bride and I were for the first time allowed private discourse though of course we would remain within sight of the six women till they had witnessed the consumation. We only had an hour with each other before we had to dress for the feast.

To my surprise Eleanor addressed me as Sacred One. “Sacred One,” she began with fear and other emotions I could not interpret shewing on her face, “I have met you and your mother before in my dreams, and mostly my dreams were of our wedding night. I recognised you from the drawing My Lord Montsleigh sent to My Lord Father. It was My Lady the Goddess, not my own mother who is chiefest of our wise women, who explained to me the woman’s rôle in the proceedings of the marriage bed and how that begets young. She told me how to prepare a salve to minimise any initial discomfort which would pass and that she would see to it that I enjoyed becoming a woman. She also said that you would have me in child the first time of our lying together. My Lady the Goddess, also told me of and shewed me your secret. I am honoured and consider myself blessèd to be chosen to bear your children. I shall never speak of it to any, but the wise women will know as part of the bedding ceremonies. They will be as proud as myself to serve a manifestation of the Goddess and silent concerning it too. I am, however, concerned as to how to refer to you.”

I was stunned, but her question had to be answered. “In private Gervaise is my name. It is a name used by both women and men. I take it you are unwilling to refer to me as My Lord?”

“It is lacking in respect to refer to a manifestation of the Goddess so.”

“It is not usual here, though it accords with all protocol, but since I am the heir apparent to a Duchy you could refer to me as Your Grace. It is a lesser title as we understand things, but acceptable. Would it so be to you and the wise women.”

“Yes, to both questions Your Grace. Gervaise.”

It is not appropriate to talk much of the bedding ceremonies with the women, nor think I that it would be respectful of Eleanor. Let it suffice to say we were both examined by the women as the prayers and invocations were said. Explanations were given by the women as to what we were about to do and how to do it to achieve pregnancy and pleasure. The women were embarrassed and fearful of giving offence by explaining to me. My Lady said, “Sacred One, I have loved you as mine own son. If that has caused any offence I do crave your pardon. We have traditional obligations to tell you of things we know we need not, but none have ever been in this situation before. We know you know more of these matters than we. What would you have us do?”

“Let us all fulfil the requirements of tradition, My Lady. I submit myself and my bride to your care. I would not have you thinking that you have not met the obligations placed upon you by your service to the Goddess.” It was a relieved looking group of women who smiled at us and the night passed as it was supposed to. Eleanor was pleased to become a woman, a wife and a mother, and both my natures were deeply satisfied with the assistance of the women. Eleanor was indeed pregnant from that night and our son was the first of twenty-four children. She was almost perpetually pregnant for thirty years and none of our children was ought but of one nature. My Lord Montsleigh was delighted that his heir had an heir and more so as his descendants increased in number. Eleanor was a good mother and enjoyed her pregnancies, nursing and the rearing of her children, and in time became the most senior of our women of the mysteries. But I am getting in front of myself.

Eleanor’s cousin Gareth was everything I’d hoped for. Not quite as good as myself with a bow, but more than good enough and better by far with a sword than myself, he fitted into the life of the castle quickly and easily. He was popular with our folk and his word was accepted as mine had been, for his rule did not replace mine it merely extended it. We spent months together so I could introduce him to the tenantry and free holders alike. That he was blood kin of Eleanor’s meant he was noble in his own right, but he became the brother I had never had. My Lord Montsleigh and his Lady treated him thusly, as family, and his counsel was valuable to My Lord and myself.

Gareth had been with us a little more that a year and we had been discussing the new fish runs that by passed the obstructions on our waterways. He had done excellent work and we were talking with a view to providing another two. When we had finished our discussion, he asked My Lord, “Sire, I have no desire to pry and only have the weal of this land as my care, so pray take not amiss what I would have converse of.”

My Lord looked him in the eye and said, “I think I know what it is you would tell me of, but even if I have misread you fear not for your dedication to this land and its folk is clear to me. Speak freely, Gareth, for I would have no leal and true man afeared to lay his concerns before me.”

“My Lord, I have heard rumours from the commons concerning your brothers and their sons.” My Lord nodded for him to continue. “Their lands are ill managed and hunger stalks their lands and their folk both. They cast covetous eyes upon the crops of the field and the game. I am told their harvest is going to fail to feed their folk through the next year for lack of sufficient tenants to manage the land well enough to prevent the weeds over taking the crops. There have been strangers seen spying the lay of your lands and where the crops are growing this year. Some of our folk have been questioned and roughly too. Earlier this morn I was apprised that but two days since three garbed as itinerants but with the bearing of men at arms abducted one of the daughters of the miller at Long Sorely Wood. The Miller and his kin rescued the maid and captured the three. I would have put them to the question, but alas they were no longer able to answer. I suspect invasion and would have your commands in the matter, My Lord.”

My Lord smiled and said, “Gareth, Gervaise and I have been planning for this for some time. Fear not. I do believe we need to include you in our plans for you have become as a younger son to me. Pray do tell, why were the three in no case to be put to the question?”

Gareth looked sheepish, but was steadfast in his reply. “The blame is to be laid at my door, My Lord, for some few weeks since I had suspicions all was not well and I authorised the folk in the out lying parts of the estate to take what measures they considered necessary for the weal of the land and the folk, rather than wait to get word here and then for instruction.”

“And?”

“As punishment the miller’s sons tied the three to the mill wheel, My Lord. The men were forgotten for they were busy milling the barley they had not milled due to having stopped work to rescue their sister. I believe they worked through the night to catch up for fear of disappointing you lest you thought they had been idle, and at some point the men must have died of it.”

My Lord had tears in his eyes and was choking with laughter, “Is that truly what they thought, Gareth?”

Gareth grinned and replied, “No, My Lord, but it’s what I said I would tell you. I gave them promise of a good man for their sister despite her ordeal, even if I have to dower her myself.”

“You did well, Gareth, very well. Save your coin, for I shall provide the girl’s dowry in gold. However, to make the most of this unfortunate mistake make sure that word of it returns to my brothers’ men at arms. And add that I laught so much when I was told of it I nearly was carried away by apoplexy. Now we have things to tell you of our plans.”

~o~O~o~

As My Lord and Gareth had thought the attempt came just before harvest time when there would be food to reward any his brothers hired, but the assassination attempt on My Lord caught us by surprise. I had heard and seen the plot in a dream, but they must have changed their plans at the last moment. My Lord took a poisoned arrow to his shoulder, but knowing who we were looking for we caught the assassin. My Lord was failing fast, but that night as I slept my mother shewed me where the herbs grew, how to prepare them and how to use them to heal My Lord who recovered consciousness within the day though his shoulder was a moon and a half in the healing. He kept to his chambers, and none were permitted to tend to him other than Eleanor, My Lady and their most trusted tire women.

We held our meeting in My Lord and My Lady’s solar(2) which was separate from their bedchamber, and decided to put it about that he died of his wound to provoke reactions from his brothers before they were properly ready. In return for information the assassin was promised a quick and painless death. He confirmed it was My Lord’s brother Richard who had ordered the attack, but he knew no more. We sent one of My Lord’s spies to the assassin posing as servant of Richard’s to help him escape from the dungeon. He was told a prisoner had died and would be taken out in a sacking bag for burial and he would be substituted for the dead man. He was led to believe that several of Richard’s men had infiltrated the castle staff and they would carry the corpse out.

Of the three brothers only My Lord Montsleigh has a castle, for Richard and William had never managed to amass the monies required for such an undertaking. The monies that proper care of their lands and folk would have enabled. The assassin was released outside Richard’s fortified manor house, and we heard when he went for his reward he did indeed receive the quick and painless death he’d been promissed. My Lord closed the mills and recalled all his tenants from his brothers lands. They fired such barley crops as there were and the brothers had a great deal of civil unrest to deal with, for those who have nothing to lose will risk aught. Lord Richard came to claim our lands thinking his brother dead. Believing he would face no opposition from me he sought to over face me. I had him manacled, but even that did not abate his arrogance. “You won’t risk the blood of kin on your hands, bastard boy,” he said contemptuously.

“True,” I told him. “Gareth, would you be interested in managing this and Richard’s estate from my uncle’s manor house after we have put all in order? As Lord I mean. Richard has but the one daughter, and I would offer you my cousin Constance to make the title right in the eyes of the folk.”

“There can’t be two lords of an estate, My Lord Gervaise.”

“True. But you can not be counted as my blood kin since you are related to My Lady not me, so if you do war upon my uncle there would be no blood killing. Of course I am not able offer you my cousin to wife whilst Richard and I are enemies for then you would have to chose sides and either way would be at war with family. However, with her father in my dungeon I have to find a husband for my cousin who would manage my uncle’s estate with competence. A husband who would not then become my enemy. That could not be you, for you would then be kin as well as my land agent. With your father in law in my gaol that could make matters difficult between us, so you see my dilemma?”

“Indeed My Lord, I understand your situation entirely. Tis a thorny problem, but one easy to solve.” Gareth solved the matter with a single dagger thrust seen by none other than my self. Richard’s men were a goodly way away under guard and saw naught. Gareth held him upright and said to his men, “Lord Richard appears ill let us assist him to his chamber.” Richard was taken out of the hall as though he were being assisted to walk. When Gareth returned, he asked, “A hunting accident think you, My Lord?”

“Indeed. Can you manage it with no suspicion, or would it be better to just bury him and say naught?”

“I used the dagger exactly how he would look if gored by a boar. I’ll even have the boar there with his dagger having killed it for his own men to find. He was slowing down, My Lord. It comes to all men in time, but he was too proud to let a younger man take the beast, and you did offer did you not? There must have been twenty men who heard you I dare say. Leave it to me.”

I left Gareth to his machinations and went to have speech with My Lord in his chambers. I told him of what had transpired and he said, “Gareth is a good man wouldn’t you say, Gervaise?”

“Indeed, My Lord. A true brother to me, but it was convenient that he has no blood tie to us was it not? He has need of lands and a wife too, and all will be in good hands. He told me Richard had put a price on his head because he believed if Gareth were dead our eyes and ears about the estate would be gone. As long as Richard was alive to pay for his head he was in danger, so Richard brought about his own death, for dead men pay no debts. Gareth says Richard is now in debt to him for that he has saved him the gold.”

My Lord started to chuckle, them I saw the tears rolling off his face as he sat down unable to stand for his laughter. Eventually he asked, “What was the price Richard put on Gareth’s head?”

“Five gold pieces, which I seriously doubt he would have been able to pay. I suspect the payment would have been a length of steel like his other assassin received. Gareth said he felt insulted, for it should have been at least ten preferably twelve gold pieces.”

My Lord laughter abated and he said, “Richard’s two sons are just as dangerous as their father, but they’ll be wanting to kill each other now for the estate. Which means I suspect shortly there will only be one of them to deal with. I want all the soldiery on duty, cancel all leave. Tell any who have family at any distance to bring them into the castle. A man can’t be alert when he is worried for the safety of his family. To keep them occupied all children above six shall be taught to read and write. Their fathers will be grateful for such an opportunity for their children. Have our women see to it, Gervaise, we need the men in good heart, and gratitude for care makes a man a stouter warrior.”

“Certainly, My Lord. What think you Richard’s sons will do when they hear of his death under what they will always believe were suspicious circumstances no matter what Gareth arranges?”

“They’ll join William, for most of their men are here under guard. What do you plan for Richard’s men? And when do you think it best to start bringing order to his lands?”

“I think it not right to kill them, for they had sworn to your brother and were fulfilling that oath. I want them under lock and key, but treated well till William is dealt with. Then like William’s men they may either leave or take oath with you and join our soldiery. Their rations here are a considerable improvement of what they had before so most will take oath with you. As to bringing Richard’s lands into order, again not till William is dealt with, but I’ll have a dozen of our most experienced sergeants take a score men each and deliver food for the folk. I’ll have the millers return with a waggon of barley apiece with the sergeants. There has been famine there for so long if we don’t feed the folk we won’t have any folk to feed. I’ll make sure Richard’s men are aware their families will be fed. What think you William will essay My Lord? Assassination like Richard?”

“No he has not the stomach for it. Or the neck to try to out face you. I suspect he’ll recruit soldiery to try to do it by force. He has no gold, but he’ll promise them loot and rapine when they win. He’ll only manage to recruit riff raff and those of stupidity, for any seeing his burnt out lands and hearing of his poor board will realise our men will be better armed and of greater heart. Even men at arms seeking a position will not sign to a battle they know they can not win, and my recruiters are abroad with coin picking up any men at arms seeking a position. We don’t need them, but I would deny them to William. We’ll face a rabble of two hundred men, three at most, poorly accoutred and ill led with a few thousand well trained and accoutred men to our side. Have Gareth have look outs for any movements of armed men round William’s manor house and as soon as we know of any coming this way I want four hundred archers at the neck of High Tor pass. They’ll march that way, for due to his parsimoniousness William will not wish to feed them for the time any other route would take. He won’t allow them to subsist off his own lands, so he’ll want them ravaging my lands as soon as possible. Have word got to William’s own sworn men that any who sue for clemency shall have it and a place with us if they so will which will just leave the rabble to deal with. Think you that Gareth knows I should not be unhappy to bury William and my nephews too, for they will have broken blood oath in facing us in battle?”

“I’m sure of it My Lord. He’ll not wish to have to call any of them brother or even cousin, but I’ll have a word concerning his intent. William has two daughters does he not? What comes to them? Twould be best were they to marry of two of our senior retainers’ eldest sons think you?”

“Indeed. You are becoming shrewd, my son. His eldest was married, but died in childbed. My Lady was told they had no women of the mysteries or of midwifery skills to attend her. I’ll begin making enquiries as to who on the staff would like a blood connection to us on the understanding that I’ll want those brides with child as soon as possible to prevent rancour. I want no old men looking for a pretty girl to while away their twilight years with failing offerings to kinship blaming a barren wife. Far better a young man with his sap rising willing to listen and keep his bride pregnant. What say you, Gervaise?”

“You said I was becoming shrewd, My Lord, yet the old dog, can still teach the young one a few tricks.”

~o~O~o~

It was not so much a battle as a slaughter. None of William’s rabble reached the pass, and his sworn men making up the rearguard did not enter the final ravine leading up to it. Gareth had the four hundred men at the neck of the pass and another four hundred, his best archers including all his huntsmen, hidden down the sides of the route. The men at the neck waited till the enemy were past the men lining the trail before their first volley. It was all over in minutes and not a man used a sword. They all died by arrow. William with his sons, nephews and rabble were left for the kites, ravens, wolves and foxes to clean up. After having been fed their first adequate meal in months of as much meat and fresh baked bread as they could hold William’s sworn men gladly took oath with My Lord. Many told us the bread tasted strange for that it had no mould on it. Straightforth we started investing William’s and Richard’s lands with our own soldiery to prevent any other laying claim to what we had already taken by right of battle, and our new men were trained in our ways back at the castle under My Lord’s officers, for their skills were poor by our standards. Their weapons and protection were poor too, and our smiths used their weapons to reforge better, and they were accoutered with better protection.

There was no opposition and My Lord’s recruiters went about the lands of others seeking craftsmen and men willing to become freeholders or tenants. My Lord’s open handed dealings with those beholden to him brought us enough of the kind of folk we desired and by the end of the second spring when hunger is at its worst the three estates were little different from each other. As a result of his brothers’ acts My Lord’s gold had been saved. Not needed to buy the lands we had taken it was spent first ensuring all lived dry and warm and later on improving the estates. Gareth and his bride moved into William’s Manor house and we demolished what was left of Richard’s for twas in fearful poor condition. That was the site we selected to raise the new castle upon. The three estates were divided into two and managed as one.

William’s daughters were happy to marry young men of rank, wealth and power who spent more on them in a week than their father ever had in a year. Their days of poverty, and hunger too, were over, and they were no longer fearful of dying from pregnancy like their sister. William had told them they were to marry old men like their sister had, for he’d had promises of gold for them, and given no assurances regarding midwives and the like. Constance, now Gareth’s wife, proved to be a mine of information concerning Richard and William’s activities. She was intelligent and knew every last man, woman and child on the estates. She knew who was leal and who was shiftless and was already a woman of the mysteries, despite her lack of years. The family became prodigious wealthy and our way of dealing with our folk and lands were adopted by our neighbours and spread wider afield with time.

My Lord lived to be seventy, and it was a sorry day for all when he breathed his last, for he was a well loved Lord. I had been Lord effective for a number of years by then, and determined to turn matters over to Simon my eldest and heir before I became too agèd to assist. My Lady had followed My Lord within the year. I think she had no will for life without him, for he had been a devoted and loving husband to her.

I gave Simon Lordship when I was fifty-eight, for Eleanor died suddenly over young, and I knew my time here was drawing to a close.

Simon had been Lord for nearly ten years when I had the dream of my passing. I had not had a dream for a few years, but that night I dreamt I was with my mother looking down on myself laid out in my bed with grieving kin all about me. When I awoke I was with my mother who said, “Your time as my son is over. It is time to be your other self, Daughter Gervaise. Come, let us have speech of the future.”

~o~O~o~

1 Bliaut, a dress tight under the breasts and allowing their display under a blouse like its descendant the Bavarian Dirndl. A bliaut is characterised by its long open drooping sleeves often reaching down to the floor it often features an embroidered bodice and pleated skirts.
2 Solar, a room in many English and French mediaeval manor houses, great houses and castles, mostly on an upper storey, designed as the family’s private living and sleeping quarters. Within castles they are often called the ‘Lords’ and ‘Ladies Chamber’, or the ‘Great Chamber’.

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