"And if I was a girl, I would think it was real cute and nice, and really, really want to wear it, probably, you know, but I'm not though."

Letters from Sky

By Jan S

Part 4

 © 2008 by Jan S

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>>Wednesday, April 9th (night)

Really? You missed my letters? I thought for sure I was boring you for sure by now.

Nothing much has happened here really, yeah I got my hair cut at that place with Ms Y, and the girls got me another present too, another top. They are really -- doing something -- I don't know. It's getting too embarrassing and confusing to talk about, I guess. I got to figure it out.

Mar, I can't -- You know what I mean -- I just wish I knew what to do, but I feel... oh - nvm.

School is weird still, but only with teachers -- worse than ever. I think something is going to happen there. But at least the kids are leaving me alone -- it's like it's so close to the end of school they don't even want to know me enough to hassle me.

Doesn't look like I'm babysitting at all this weekend, so I won't get to see Lisa or Wendy either. I'll get to be my yeecky self for awhile.

bye,
Sky

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>>Thursday, April, 10th (evening)

OK. It's OK you want to hear all about it. Really, Marsh. I'm kind of like not feeling like talking sort of. But maybe it will make sense to you. And I think that Ms Younger thinks like that it isn't a problem for me and is going to keep going on with it too. Ugghhh

I'll talk to Dad about getting a digital camera and sending you some pictures of the skinny me (and my beautiful locks too). But it takes a lot longer to get 'puter stuff done now that you and Michael aren't around. I'm not good at it like you, even if I am lots geekier overall.

OK, but details and in order. The hair cut thing was no big deal. It was a shop set up for kid's, with toys in the waiting part and cartoons on the walls, but there was a girl bigger than me in there and a little boy too, and their was this one barber that Ms Y. knew and wanted to wait for. And he was real gushy but nice too.

So he asked me if I call my hair blond or red, and I said sometimes one and sometimes the other, or strawberry blond sometimes, and he said it was a just a bit too red to officially be strawberry blond, but I could say it was, and I should take better care of it. Then he ask me what I wanted to do to it, and I said make it look less crazy but keep it long enough to cover the scar on my neck too. And he looked at the scar but didn't ask about it, and said he could do that and would make it a bit less curly and very nice.

And then -- no barber ever did this to me before -- he washed it. And he did it about four times, and then he took forever cutting it, like he was doing each hair one at a time or something. But I really like how it looks now, I guess, you know. It doesn't look like a blond afro from the hippy times, and he said he did it to have two looks if I want. I can part it if I want, but that has to be in the middle or just push it around and it comes on my forehead a bit. It looks good. I'm supposed to wash it almost every single day too, according to him, and I got three different kinds of stuff to use on it and one makes it less curly.

But on the ride back -- well actually before we started, because Ms Y wanted to talk to me when not driving -- I got the top that Lisa had got me. And I already knew about it, and I knew it was going to be strange, because Lisa sent me an email Monday night telling me, and she said I needed to be real happy about it so her mother wouldn't know I was a boy, and that any "girl with eyes my color and called Sky would have lots of stuff that color already."

But I was still surprised, Marsh. It is sky blue, I guess. You know a light, bright blue. But it has a tit place. You know?

I mean it's all bunched up right there and pulled down right in the middle of it and, I guess it isn't for people with real boobs because the pockets there aren't big, but just for girls, but then it's tight across my chest and makes it look like I got something there anyway, and it doesn't have shoulders but just strings to hold it up, and that part is bright yellow with checks of the blue, and below the tight part it flares out and is pleated and even doesn't come together at the back except for two buttons that are between my shoulder blades, and I can hardly reach them. And the blue part is real shiny and slippery and pretty. And if I was a girl, I would think it was real cute and nice, and really, really want to wear it, probably, you know, but I'm not a girl though.

And as soon as I open the bag, Ms Y says, "I know, Sky, but they really liked it for you."

And I said, "But I thought I wasn't supposed to tell them I was a girl, and wearing this would be trying to fool them (if they really thought I was a girl -- but of course I didn't say that part.).

Ms Y. sighed real, real deep and said, "I have been thinking about that, Sky. When we tell them you are a boy -- soon -- just say you didn't want to embarrass them by telling them sooner, and wore it to be nice and to avoid telling them they were so mistaken." (Which was stuff I had said to Lisa on Sunday already and was true too about the other stuff we were talking about then. But WHY would Lisa buy this?)

Then Ms Y. said was her fault again, because she saw and was looking at it, and even thinking how pretty it would look on me. Yeah, well, that's what she said. And that is when Lisa noticed it.

I asked her if she couldn't have said it cost too much because she already pays me and doesn't need to buy me presents every time too. But Ms Y said that it had been in a sale bin and very cheep, and her daughters had stacks of gift cards from relatives that they didn't know what to do with, and she really had a hard time telling them not to be generous until it got out of hand, which it didn't very often, and that she was afraid her kids were rich brats.

So I told her they were not, but were really nice. (True - all but one time, right?) And she smiled and said that was good to hear, and I was really nice too.

Then she went back to talking about the shirt and said I really should wear it the next time I see them, but she didn't have any plans coming up, and I shrugged.

And then she started the car and said she wondered how much I minded doing it, and I was like: "Huh!!" You know.

And she shrugged and said, "I'm not accusing you of something, Sky, just wondering. I'm not usually there when you are with the kids." (And I smiled, you know, because that's why you get a babysitter, right?) And she smiled and said at breakfast Sunday, I looked pretty happy being one of the girls, and that I cook cookies and watch movies that are 'chic flicks' or the kid version with them. And that that wasn't even counting things like wearing skirts and painting nails and knowing "The Hannah Montana" theme song (yeah, OK, but sometimes there aren't a lot of choices on TV.). And she knew about all of that already. Then she said, "You have fun doing that, don't you?"

I just told her I just didn't know what else to do besides wear the skirt after the spill, because I couldn't just hide, and I didn't know what I would have done if they knew I was a boy, and doing that other stuff is OK. And that I'm just trying to find things they would like to do or say yes when they ask for something if I can, and all like that.

And she smiled and said, "You know, Sky, many people think you show power and strength by saying 'No'. But I think you show it by finding ways to say 'yes'. That's why I spoil my kids; I like the power. So I like your answer a lot."

Ans I've been thinking about that, Marsh, and think she's right, I mean 'yes' is hard and 'no' is easy, right? But it's a weird to think like that, isn't it. And besides, sometimes finding ways to say 'yes' a lot just means you get pushed around all the time. Right?

Anyway, we didn't say much else until she said, "Think about whether you really mind being thought of as a girl, or if you are only scared of being found out." And she didn't say that until she was in the apartment parking lot, and she said she had to hurry to not be late, so I couldn't say anything back.

So I guess I won't see them at all this weekend.

OK, that's everything I think.

Oh Zack asked me if I wanted to go bike riding tomorrow after school, but I can't. It would be nice a lot to get one friend in there at school, or around here.

Are you back with Jim, or have you found someone new? Just wondering.

Love ya, Marsh.
Sky

P.S.: Mars, don't ever, ever say something about this stuff to our mother. I guess you know that already of course, right? But just, please, really super don't!!

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>>Saturday, April 12th (noon)

HI, Big Bro!!!
Good to hear from you, Mike. Guess Marsha gave you the address, huh? Has she told you other stuff?

Sounds like you guys got hosed big, all right. I haven't been following the tourney at all this year, or even hoops at all. Guess I've been busy with moving and things. I'm stuck home today and will probably wind up watching some later.

I think Dad would like to hear from you too, you know?

Yeah, we still have all you stuff here. Well, some of the big stuff is in a storage place, but most of it's here. Dad didn't throw out anything, I promise -- I helped with the packing. If you don't want to talk to him, I'll find stuff and send it to you. No prob.

So long, Bro. (you called me that. Do you think we are really still, Mike?)
Jude

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>>Saturday, April 12th (evening)

Hi, Marsh,
I'm only writing because you didn't like it when I didn't for two days before. Nothing big this time.

I just spent the whole day playing CoH. When Daddy finds out he will probably do his "You're a turnip" spiel, won't he? But I got a toon all the way to level 17, my highest ever by almost twice.

Zack is a real good scrapper, and he gave me a million influence and told people I was his girl friend, and that's why he always got the first bubbles, and we got on a good team and got raptor packs and zero g-packs both now too.

You and Jim doing OK again?

Does Michael have any rich old toons, you think? He wrote me BTW.

I think I'm going to hit the books real hard tonight and tomorrow. Friday I was sent to the study hall by four teachers to do work from earlier in the books. They said, "study hall," but it was in the detention room. Before that they had put me at the back of the room with work in some classes.

Dad wanted us to go fishing this weekend but something happened, and he has to be at the dialysis center all today and tomorrow, he wasn't supposed to have to do that so much anymore. Oh well. They have trout streams around here, and he said he's going to teach me to fly fish, just as soon as he learns how.

W/ a lota love and stuff,
Sky

P.S.: I guess you have been real busy with your papers and stuff, or other things, huh?

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>>Sunday, April 13th (night)

Hi, Marsh,
It's OK. I don't think you need to write all the time. I know I get real, real chatty.

I thought you played that game some more than that though. Influence is what they call the money the heroes get. Zack's brother has some fifties and gave him a bunch of it. 'Toon' is what people call their avatars because they are like comic book heroes. C?

No, Zack and I had planed to meet up online. I called him to see if he wanted to go bike riding (someone was ragging me and telling me that I should work harder to get to know peeps and stuff, so I did it. And it worked out some.), but he was in trouble, I think for fighting with his brother or something, and couldn't, and we talked and got around to CoH, and got together to team up. OK?

And no he wasn't teasing me by saying, "girl friend", that was just because my character was a girl. The superheroes I had already built on the server he was on were girls. 'Bubbles' is what force fields are called, and I was an FF defender. Now you know all about CoH. Oh, he's a katana-regen scrapper -- I bet you don't care. We did it some more today, but not long, only a couple of hours, because of parental grief -- his.

I've just been reading Terry Pratchett stuff and watching movies since. I got "Princess Diaries, II" from the vid store, because I didn't see much of it the other night and, you're right, not nearly as good as the first, but I liked it OK. And Daddy finally got back about six and said he had found out about a good sushi place. It wasn't as bad as most places around here, but wasn't as good as back home and is a long ways and cost a bunch too; so weekly sushi nights won't be happening here, I guess.

Oh, you asked. The scar on my neck was an accident thing that happened right after Halloween last year. It's nothing. I don't want to go way into it. OK?

Haven't heard form the Youngers at all, no.

Mike hasn't written back either.

Bye, Sis. Hearts!
Sky

P.S.: Mar, I'm using some of the small things you kept in your room, and I know you said it was OK, but some might still be important to you, so I wanted to tell you. I'll take care of them.

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>>Monday, April 14th (Late Afternoon)

Mar,
I got kicked out of school, Mars.

Well mostly. They moved me to all remedial classes. Really. And I got this real fat letter to give to Dad. Is he going to kill me? Oh, he's been real good lately, but still!!

And he has been so busy at his office and having to go to the dialysis place so much. I had to ride the bus from downtown because he had to work late even tonight. And when he gets home -- WAM from me.

You know, it's just -- I think the people I'm in with are like the dyslexic and learning problem kids, and remember Greg, down the street, he was in that group but was real, real smart if he didn't have to read. So it doesn't mean I'm real stupid, right? I know that.

But Marsh, I can read real good. I just finished the latest Pratchett in three days and all, and that's a teenager book -- at least, right? Not a kid's. And I read more than almost most people. And when we were reading Jasper Fforde's book, I had to explain about the Unitary Authority of Warrington Cat,, because I read so much and you hadn't even read Alice -- you weren't just pretending so I'd feel smart, were you?

Even though it was just introduction day today I could tell it's not going to be right, you know?

I'm going to go fix something good for Daddy's dinner. Think that will help??

Hug me, Marsh!

Love,
sky

Marsha, do you know who St. Jude is? If you do, do you think I got that name because she knew even before I was born?

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>>Monday, April 14th (late night)

Hello Marsh,
I got your note and thanks and all.

Daddy wasn't real mad at me at all. I handed him the letter when he walked in and made him look at it right away. (I made him some strawberry turnovers, but the short cut ones with canned croissants, because this maid that comes in had already cooked for us. Just baked chicken breast, asparagus, and pasta.) He didn't say anything right after reading the letter, and it was a real quite dinner, but we talked about this TV show we watch together sometimes. Then when I brought in the turnovers he started to laugh, sort of, and he grabbed me and gave me a giant hug. (Which was weird, and especially because he was laughing. He's done that, OK? But only when things were real sad, before. And he wasn't.)

And we talked about it, and he is probably right - it's because of all the school I've missed and changing three times in a year (even though one of those was back to where I started). We counted up, and I've missed over eight weeks, not counting the times it was only one or two days like last week and when I had to go to the court or something. So he is going to try to talk to the school as soon as possible and see what the deal is.

Anyway, I can't get to sleep, Mars. So I looked for your letter. And thanks. I'm happy you think I'm a genius, even though it does prove you're not and are insane. :-P

Oh - Mars, Oh, Daddy just came in because he saw my light on. I told him I was writing to you, and he said hurry and finish, and then he put his arm around me and kissed my head on top. He's made me some chamomile tea in the kitchen, and I'm supposed to go drink it and then ride an imaginary down elevator (he ever teach you that for getting to sleep?)

But Marsh, I'm --- nvm, I should hurry and get the tea.

I hope I can always write to you Marsh!

Love and hugs!
Sky

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>>Tuesday, April 15 (afternoon)

Hi,
So it was my first real day in dummy class. OK, that's just mean and stuff, but you know. Some of the kids were fine, and they were nicer than regular kids too, but it was weird. We all have carrels and then people have lessons in the middle of the room sometimes. And we spent the whole morning in one room and the whole afternoon in another, so it was like back in primary again almost. And I never really got called to the middle part, but told to finish all these work sheets, and then I just sat and read in the cubicle and, Marsh, it is like the teachers in there know I don't belong there and don't want me there either.

Daddy's going to call though. I hope it's fixed real soon.

And now I don't even ride the regular school bus either. It's like we're contagious and can't get mixed in with real people. I come home on a little bus, and they have a special boss person on it besides the driver. At least I only do that twice a week, and it's quicker so maybe no one'll ever see.

Saturday I went to the Rec center and signed up for some classes. And now I got to go to the first ones today. And I really don't feel like it. There'll be real kids from my old classes there, and they'll all know I'm stupid now.

I didn't even get to see Zack at all today, because of those dumb busses too.

You think Daddy will be able to get things changed?

hugs, sky

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>>Tuesday, April 15th (night)

OK, Marsh, back again. OK, I'll tell you about the rec classes today if you really want to know. Daddy is in the kitchen working on stuff - the taxes I guess -(there's this little room off I entry that'll be his study, but his desk and stuff aren't set up, so I can't even watch TV while he's busy). We couldn't talk much at dinner because he said he had to get busy (and I hope he's not mad at me, or sad about something, but maybe he just needed to get busy like he said, right?) He can't meet with the school people until Friday, so I'm stuck until then. And I know he isn't mad at me about that, I think, because he said that.

Anyway, those classes were OK. I mean, you know, it was weird showing up, and they started three weeks ago, and I was worried about not knowing anyone, and peeps knowing to much about me and all, but the teachers didn't know I was stupid at least, and since they are for fun classes they weren't mean most of the time.

And I did know peeps too. Lisa is in my first class, which is pottery, and as soon as I walked in she yelled out, "Hey, Sky," real loud like. And before I can say anything she tells all her friends that I'm her new friend and tells me all their names, and it was about ten or a hundred so I don't remember them, and I wind up sitting with Lisa, instead of at the table where all the boys are sitting, (there were only six boys to maybe 12 girls.)

And because of all the others being around I only got to whisper about why she got me that top, and she couldn't really answer but sort of squeaked, "I forgot. Really." A pretty dumb answer, huh? But she did look embarrassed or sorry maybe. So we were working on our projects, which are fruit bowls, but are going to have to be for grapes and raspberries only because they're really small (maybe lemons, if I can get the clay thin enough), and we aren't using a wheel just hand shaping them, and the others are just starting on them too because it is the second project. (They made trivets like leaves first.)

And our table was so noisy that I thought the teachers wanted to tell us to shut up even though it's not school, and she did say "hush" a couple of times, but she stayed nice.

The girls at the table were real nice to me anyway, even being new, and I think that one of the girls at the next table is -- was in my Math class, but she talked to me now too. When that class was over, most of the girls including some of the ones at the next table that were older, had the Rock Dancing class, which must be real popular, and I walked with them, and we kept talking the whole time they got ready until they had to warm up, but I had the origami class next. (I wanted to do fencing because I don't think that would be strenuous (Do you?), but Daddy said no.)

So guess what next? Zack is in the origami class with me, and so I know someone there too. But his table was all full, but we did get to talk some. And except the first time he called me 'Bubbles', he was OK. And then he told his friends it was because I was a force field defender in CoH, and so it was cool, and they thought I was cool because I play that a lot. I knew stuff about some of the power sets they didn't even, and they didn't know that was because I build lots of guys and don't play them very long. And guess what else, Zack is also in my Fly Fishing class I'm going to take on Thursday (I'm going to teach Daddy how to do it. :-) ) (Emotes always turn out weird when at end of stuff in parentheses; hope you can see that one. Does the nose help?)

I learned how to make a box that doesn't open. Well it's a start.

So I had wanted to do computer or computer animation class, but those were crowded, and photography is on Wednesday or Friday when I can't go. So the class I'm doing before Fishing is Cooking, and I guess that will be OK, because we got this lady that comes in twice a week and cleans and makes us dinner those nights, but the rest of the nights we got to cook or eat out. Daddy's not too bad, and we got books like "The Bachelor's Cookbook" and "Quick & Good", but it'd be better to know more. I just hope I'm not the only boy in it, you know.

So, yeah, you were right and, I guess, so was that lady that told me I should do it. Because I didn't think about the school thing and stuff for a little while while doing that, like you said. (But then it ended, and I did again until telling about it. I'm only going to talk about good stuff for the rest of my life! OK?)

Daddy just told me to go bed right away. I think he's just cross, maybe because of doing taxes - it's been a big problem because of the accountant being so far away, and he said he was going to get an extension, but he's still been working on it a lot - but it might be something else because he doesn't tell me when to do that that much, but I g2g.

Love ya' a lot,
Sky (really I do, Mars!)

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