My mother and I had a serious talk before either of us went to bed. I summed the nerve and didn’t waiver. “Mom, I know you meant well and I have dreamed something like this. But from now on you can’t be making decisions like this for me. I am old enough to make my own decisions. And you might regret how things transpire in the future.”

Saturday was damp and cold for April, so my birthday party was in our finished basement which ran most of the length of the house. Rachel, my mom, and Rosemarie Towers had decorated it in for a teen girl’s birthday party in pinks, reds, and whites. The party began at five and officially was to end around nine and unofficially it went to sometime after ten-thirty.

They requested no gifts, but Lucas and Laura, each got several gift cards. Laura got two gift cards to VS, two gifts with notes, one alerted me to only ‘open it in Laura’s room!’. ‘I don’t know how many would understand my double feelings; yes, I like being Laura for a birthday at sixteen is extra special. But many don’t understand I’m the same person and that Lucas likes being a girl and a boy. Even if I’m not the manliest guy, I’m still me.’

‘I hadn’t seen much of Debra except at a distance at school, but tonight she came to my birthday party. We had been close friends but she’s been scarce lately, she’d become invisible as a friend but tonight she came and was like a shadow that I saw, but couldn’t get to face to face. Debra and I always spoke about being best friends and leaving it at that. Rachel said she had tears, and when I looked for her she left. Part of me wanted to chase after her, part of me was afraid that she no longer liked me.’

Drew found me and gave me a hug that brought my mind back to his presence and those here for my party. They sang happy birthday and I blew out the two candles a one and a six. The cake and ice cream at sixteen weren’t my scene, but it was fun and very unusual for me to be the center of attention.

Rachel started the music and didn’t need to push to get me to dance. She knew quite well that as Laura I’m a dancer. It felt weird that I liked dancing with Drew.

Drew and I walked outside despite it being cold and damp. I never imagined as Laura I’d feel warm like this with another boy. Then a thought flashed in my head; ‘this is why Debra left; I feel warm with someone. She and I have always been friends, even before Sydney and I dressed up together. Debra was always there. We always swore we were just friends. ‘But what was she now feeling about me?’ And I about her?

When we went back into the house, Sidney and Rachel were the only ones who saw that my mood changed.

They took me aside and quietly asked if something happened between Drew and me. I told them, “No, but I realized Debra was here and left. I’m afraid, she’s been hurt by my being with Drew. I’m not sure what I should do?”

Rachel said, “Take care of one relationship at a time. Right now you’re at your birthday party, enjoy it and spend some time with Drew.”

Sidney asks, “What’s with you and Debra?”

I said, “We’ve been friends for the longest time, and I just realized it probably has been more than just friends for some time, but neither she nor I would acknowledge it. We’ve constantly said, we’re just best friends. She was the first one that knew I’m Laura and had accepted me.”

Rachel hugged me as a friend, “Relationships and feelings are new for you to deal with. I bet it’s scary allowing them to awaken in you. Compose yourself for your party. Tomorrow if you want you can contact Debra and see about getting together and talking.”

Sidney went back to the group first, then Rachel, and lastly, I followed. After another dance things were back to normal. The general understanding of most was I, Laura, wasn’t used to a fuss being made over me which was true.

Near the end of the gathering, Tiffany talked to me. She said, “I’m proud of you, but please hear it from one who’s been there, even good things can be rough sometimes. I’d like to be here for you like you were for me.” What she said, brought a hug and a short flow of tears from me onto her shoulder.

My last hug and kiss with Drew were good. But I was uncomfortable with my feelings for him.

Sunday, I was up in time to go to the late worship service and I went dressed like usual as Lucas. Once that was done I was thinking of Debra. I called Debra and as soon as she confirmed she was home, I said, “We need to talk, I’m coming over.” Debra didn’t sound pleased, but she didn’t say, no.

It was warmer and nicer than yesterday, so we visited in the back of her yard. We were forty minutes into our conversation when she finally smiled and gave me a hug. Our having feelings for each other was something neither of us was used to acknowledging or dealing with. We were afraid it would wreck our friendship, but we had left things unsaid and feelings hidden away much too long.

Debra had also been invited to the prom. I know her date Eddie Cochran, and I’m a bit jealous of her going with him. She’s jealous of me going with Drew, but we agree not to change our plans as neither wanted others to see us as two girls attracted to each other. Come tomorrow, the school will see us back together as best friends.
=^_^=
Rachel and Mom had a good talk with me before Rachel returned to her university. I was back dressed and being Lucas, which my family was happy about..

The following Friday, Drew took me to a pizzeria before our going to a dance. I was so scared of getting messy, so I took small bites and had one napkin in my lap and another in my extra hand. Drew laughed saying other girls were naturally neat.

When we got to the dance and he held me close for a slow dance, he whispered, “I am glad as I have a girl that fits in so well with the other girls.” Many of my friends recognized me and compliments flowed about how well I looked and was doing. Needless to say, not all were happy or nice. As I became more comfortable being Laura, my appearance became more that of a regular girl.

Tiffany and Melanie asked me to be patient before taking me with them to the women’s restroom. Tiffany said, “You had come a long way as a girl from when we first went to my long weekend. I was scared then that I scarred you forever, but now it looks like that was the beginning of Laura’s coming out.”

“I plead guilty; I like this side of me not being hidden away at home any longer. Being with you allowed me the experience of seeing myself as an everyday girl. Helping my Mom as she designed and made dresses and gowns allowed me to act like I was just pretending. Now, Drew is only willing to see me as Laura. He’s not at all attracted to me as Lucas.”

Debra and I had agreed to use Saturday to go shopping together; it was an enjoyable time of renewing our friendship. She had been upset not only at me but at herself. She had been familiar with Lucas and she didn’t mind my change grace. She had been accustomed to Laura being her secret, not an outgoing person more in comparison to Lucas. Then she realized her place with me was as solid as ever but now more fun. She’s beginning to like me as a special girlfriend.

Debra asked, “Laura, I asked my beautician if it would be possible for you to have your appointment for the prom at the same time as mine? She said it was possible, but we would need to let her know, by 4:30 and it is already three o’clock.”

I said, “I hadn’t thought of an appointment, if my mom needed me to look like a girl for pictures all she needed to do was to call three days ahead and there were appointments available.”

Debra said, “That doesn’t work when there’s a prom, or a big social, or large wedding party making arrangements.”

I quickly called my mother who said, she thought I already arranged something. She was very eager for me to get and appointment with Debra. But I was to make sure I got a good beautician.

Debra called her beautician, Tami and we made the appointment with a beautician they just attracted away from another salon. Tami assured Debra that Suzanne Howie was very good with hair and makeup.

Debra said to me, “Even for a date or to look especially nice as Laura, without Lucas showing through you should go to a salon.” I called my mom and got permission to make an appointment.

We soon had appointments to meet our beauticians and decide on what we wanted. I was to bring a picture of my gown and a swath of the dress material. I became giddy learning that so much would be involved.

When I got home after shopping, my Mom acknowledge that my need to get to a salon had escaped her. “If it is alright with you? I should call and get you an appointment soon so you can get a unisex do that can easily be transformed to suit you as Lucas or Laura?”

I was glad that she phrased it as a question and gave me ownership of the decision.

Some people at school recognized that as Lucas my appearance was changed somehow, but since I didn’t matter to most of the students it was a non-event. Dressed away from school as Laura it was seen as a nice change for my growing group of friends. Two weeks before the prom it came as a shock to Drew, that Debra was also attracted to me as Laura.

Drew came close to giving me an ultimatum about choosing between him and Debra. He changed his thinking when I approached my mom about the possibility of not going to the prom.

I said to Drew, “Andrew, I know you want me exclusively to yourself, but I am just at the beginning of seeing myself as a girl and all that will mean. And there’s a part of me you won’t even acknowledge. You need to allow me the room I need to find myself.”

I took advantage of the fact that I was looking especially nice as Laura, and that he was drawn to the fragrance of my perfume.

I was actually doing better in school as I was using both Tiffany and Debra as my study pals. Whether I showed up as Lucas or Laura neither of them was bothered.

It was great that Rachel’s semester at college ended ahead of our school letting out for the end of the year. Rachel enjoyed becoming Laura’s big sister, and I appreciated having her help in selecting clothes to buy. I know it is contrary to regular girls, but my wardrobe quickly expands with more dresses, skirts, blouses as well as fashionable jeans to wear as Laura.

To be continued…