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Maybe someone needs a giggle....
A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Do you serve ducks here?"
"Yes, we do. We have several ducks who are good customers," says the bartender.
The guy reaches across the bar, grabs the bartender by his string tie and slaps him several times before running out of the bar screaming.
The bartender recovers his composure and wonders, "What was that about?"
A while later another guy comes in and asks the bartender the same question. "Do you serve ducks here?"
The bartender is a little more careful and picks up the short souvenir baseball bat he keeps under the bar before answering. "Yes, we do..."
But he doesn't get to finish. The second guy pulls out a pistol and begins firing. The bartender ducks (natch) but the bullets shatter the mirror behind the bar and several bottles of liquor.
The bartender is in the middle of cleaning up the mess when in walks another customer, one of his regulars who happens to be a duck.
"You!" the bartender shouts, pointing at the duck angrily.
The duck looks confused. He asks, "Is this about my bill?"
Comments
Sorry, could you explain?
Maybe I’m thick but I don’t get it.
Thank you.
Persephone
Non sum qualis eram
Two guys don't like ducks,
Two guys don't like ducks, cause havoc in the bar...duck walks in unaware of the issue asks if the bartender is upset due to his tab...
It took a second reading but it's not so bad, more of a groan ending.
I'm told STFU more times in a day than most people get told in a lifetime
Private Joke, Major Pun and General Hilarity
Maybe this one won't require explanation. :) True story.
About forty-five years ago, my brother and I were returning to our parents’ house after some hours spent with friends playing Dungeons and Dragons. Yes, we were Early American Geeks.
It was late in the fall, and it must have been about 3 a.m. — I was driving north on Highway 111 and we passed field after field of vegetables, alfalfa and sleeping cows. Neither of us had said anything for miles, not exactly sleepy but getting mentally ready to go to sleep.
The fields were dark and the stars were bright, the air had the clarity that it only gets in that season and at that time of night. It must have been a new moon with no large glowing orb or crescent shining overhead. In the silence and darkness, we kept our thoughts to ourselves.
Suddenly, white-hot light stabbed the sky from the edges of a field we were passing. Arrays of massive strobes as big as refrigerators on every side of the field poured out energy in one synchronized pulse—as if the night were God’s camera and it came equipped with flashbulbs. The light reached horizon to horizon for only an instant, bright as day, sudden as lightning but without a sound. A moment later, the night returned and silent armadas of stars sailed an inky sea above us again.
I knew what had happened and paid no attention. Don, at only sixteen, had never been up so late traveling on country roads in our part of the world before so he had never seen anything like that sudden brilliance. I guess he waited a three-beat for me to make some comment but I didn’t, probably thinking about something else. After a long quiet moment, he gasped, “What the heck was that?”
“A duck light,” I said. Farmers use strobes like that to scare off migrating ducks from landing in their fields on winter nights but I didn’t explain and he didn’t ask. Simple when you know what it is.
I drove on and neither of us said anything more. A few minutes later, I parked beside our parents’ house and we carefully and quietly went around to the back. I stood at the top of the steps using my keys to unlock the door when Don nudged me.
I half-turned toward him as he asked in a strangled whisper, “All that — just to light a duck?”
= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.
Early American Geeks
Wow. You are an early adopter. Dungeons and Dragons only came out in 1974 and there was only 4000 books sold in the first 2 years. I started playing it in the fall of 1976. I remember I had to convince someone making a trip to Toronto, Ontario to buy the books for me from the one and only store in Toronto (and possibly in Canada) that was selling them.
We didn't have printed books
They were xerox copies made from a copy made on a ditto machine by a teacher at a Catholic school in Michigan who then moved to California. We did have a copy of Chainmail bought at The Armory in San Diego. We didn't have dice, we used cards. Eventually, Flying Buffalo in Phoenix made some cheap dice that became 20-sided marbles in only a few weeks.
I owned a bookstore in El Centro and kept trying to order the books but no one was selling them. We went up to San Diego about once a month to scrounge for miniatures, comics, dice and fanzines. This was also when we were publishing fanzines and eventually comics ourselves. Friday night was game night and we never stopped playing before 1 a.m. :)
I guess it was closer to 40 years ago than 45, rounding error. :) Spring of 1975 when we started.
Hugs,
Erin
= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.
"Duck Light"
Reminds me of a joke based on the old Bud Light beer commercials, where a guy at the bar would say "give me a light" (meaning a light beer) and the 'tender would hand him a torch, then the customer clarifies "no - I mean a Bud Light". So the joke goes:
A doctor is in a procedure room with a patient on a table; the patient is lying on his side. The doc is about to perform a colonoscopy. Doc says to the nurse, "hand me the colonoscope, please." The nurse hands him a light beer. The doctor sighs, and says: "No - I meant a butt light."
Sighs are the natural language of the heart.
-Thomas Shadwell
Corvallis?
The bar must have been in Corvallis, Oregon, Home of the Oregon State Beavers.
Hugs
Patricia
Happiness is being all dressed up and HAVING some place to go.
Semper in femineo gerunt
*head smack*
*head smack*
OK that would make a lot of sense...it's certainly not in LA or San Jose(the only other places I can think of where a duck wouldn't be welcomed)
I'm told STFU more times in a day than most people get told in a lifetime
Ducks to be You
A guy walks into a bar with a beautiful blonde on his arm and a bottle of cold duck embedded in his forehead. He keeps making horrible faces, with whimpers and moans and occasional stifled screams.
The bartender comes over but the man's reactions are very upsetting. "What happened?" he asks.
"I hit him with that bottle," says the blonde.
"Oh, wow," says the bartender. "That's got to hurt."
"I don't think so," says the blonde. "He told me himself it was sham pain."
= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.
You really know how to hit
You really know how to hit someone in their weakest spot...I'm a sucker for a good pun especially a punchline and laughed and groaned at that one
I'm told STFU more times in a day than most people get told in a lifetime
Ducks a lot
Two cowboys rode into town after weeks out on the range. One cowboy said to the other, "Slim, first thing I'm gonna do is get myself a drink."
The second cowboy said, "That sounds good, Tex, but the first thing I'm gonna do is go to Miss Carlyle's and get myself some loving."
"That do sound better," agreed Tex. So they rode over toward Miss Carlyle's. Before going into the swanky cathouse they decided that they ought to clean up a bit. So they stopped at a horse trough, washed their faces and their boots and put on clean kerchiefs. Then they stood there for a moment staring at the entrance to the bordello feeling suddenly shy.
"You know," said Slim. "Maybe getting a drink first is the best idea."
"Yup," said Tex so they walked over toward the town saloon.
In through the swinging doors they went and both of them stopped and stared because behind the bar, polishing things up with a damp rag stuck to his wing stood a large duck. "Wait'll it be, gents?" asked the duck.
"B-b-but..." said Tex. Then he took off his hat and hit himself in the face with it several times.
"You're a duck!" said Slim, pointing, as if there might be some doubt as to which duck or which bartender he meant.
The duck sighed. "I get this a lot. Do you want something to drink, fellas?"
"Uh, uh, uh," said Tex, coming over with a coughing fit.
"I'm sorry for us being so dumfuzzled but we've neither of us ever seen a duck tending bar before," said Slim, pounding on his partner's back to help him start breathing again.
The duck snorted. "I've never seen two cowboys without shit on their boots before either but I'm not going to get all choked up about it."
= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.
I was reminded
I was reminded of a drawing of a pair of lobsters at a fancy restaurant. One asks the waiter, "Do you serve lobsters?"
-- Daphne Xu