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Well, on Mother's day I talked a bit about how that day and Father's day can suck for people who dont fit the gender stereotype, but today, with Father's day being tomorrow, I wanted to talk a little about some of the challenges I have being one.
First, you have to understand that I was totally not prepared for parenthood, to but it mildly. This was not just because of my gender issues, or my overall mental health, both of which have played a part in my struggle to be a good parent, but because I had no role model in my own life to draw on in terms of what a good dad looked like.
Despite my flaws, Samantha is turning into a pretty good kid overall, for which her mom deserves a good part of the credit.
But there are some hard times ahead for both of us, with Sam about to go to Jr. High, and may soon start having some kind of sexual desire to deal with.
While she's navigating that, I'm working my way through a transition, one that her mother thinks is a sin, leaving her having to work her way through that minefield as well.
Pray that we both come out the other side of this in one piece, okay?
Comments
You got it...
All three of you are in my prayers. But especially you and Sam.
Lees
Hope it will work out for you and Sam.
You are I the unique position that you can rightfully celebrate both father's and mother's days! Look at it as great opportunity to celebrate and not as some hurdle.
Two worlds...
...for many of us, one may seem much more important than the other, but in reality we live in two practically equal worlds if we've sired a child, no matter where we happen to be on this road. And you mention that in spite your flaws, she's turning into a good kid overall? We all have flaws; all parents are flawed and human, mothers and fathers both. I may be a woman and a mother at heart, but my son was raised by his mom and me; his father for lack of a better word? I think not. No matter what I may become, I cannot erase who I was and who I am now, nor do I wish to.
I will pray that you can recognized and apprehend the blessing you have been to your daughter from her birth to the present and beyond. And I will pray that you realize how best to parent your daughter while walking a tightrope in your relationship with your ex - she and you are inexorably linked for life by Sam, which is a very very good thing.
Love, Andrea Lena
Most children grow up
reasonably sane despite their parents, and I would remind you of the Philip Larkin poem,
This Be the Verse:
This Be the Verse
By Philip Larkin (1922–1985)
They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.
But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another’s throats.
Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don’t have any kids yourself.
~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~
I don't think I agree with the last line, though many of the community might.
It's father's day here in the UK as well. I wrote last year that my daughter celebrates it as Parent's Day, and this year I got a lovely card with three barn owls on it (Tyto alba) and a delightful cushion with a picture of a bicyle on it, a pink ladies boneshaker with basket on the front about as close to the bikes I actually ride, as a penny farthing would be.
I can't nor would I want to deny my small part in her procreation, nor my part in her upbringing, although much of that was distant. I'm proud of her, of every molecule of her being and we keep in touch regularly.
Sadly I can't say the same of my son, of whom I was equally proud, but he's married to a woman who is strange - yes, even stranger than I am - who completely dominates him and so he has little contact with his family, and none with me. He has the only grandchild in the family, who is now 2 years and 3 months, whom I've never seen beyond one or two photos and to whom I've even been banned from sending birthday cards by his mother.
I remember seeing a motto card which declared, 'Live long enough to be an embarrassment to your children.' I seem to achieved that for one of my kids.
To those who celebrate it: Happy Father's Day or in my daughter's new, improved version, Happy Parent's Day.
Angharad
Angharad
the father's day paradox
You and your daughter are much stronger than you think! GOD ill see you through and hopefully her mother will unlearn her bitterness.
May Your Light Forever Shine