Fitting in where you are.

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This is intended to be helpful and instructive with love, so I hope anyone censoring it will consider my motives first.

I found myself in an unbelievable situation today. I was in a group of genetic women that was talking about a Transgendered woman that has shown up in our Church. (All the while, they do not seem to realize that I am on, or at least Inter-sexed) Some of you have met me face to face and believe me sweet heart, I am not any Miss America. However, for reasons unclear to me, they do not question my existence.

Possibly the only thing that separates me from this other T girl is that I believe in the principles of the organization, and have perhaps been practicing a bit longer. Truthfully, she could pass better than I do, and she has a head of hair that I would calmly kill for.

I feel uncommonly blessed in my situation. In my mind, I was always a woman, and even when I was forced, upon pain of death, to be a man, my performance as one was completely bollocks.

So, finally I was essentially forced to transition in January of 2005. In many ways I am a perfectionist and first started with my voice, and spent about $180 on a professional voice coach. My voice did not bend to my will right away. It took about 4 years to get the pitch up within the normal female range. But the inflection and speech patterns were largely already there. Much to my surprise, I found out the other day, that when pushed, I can still get down low enough to fracture road pavement if my ire is kindled. So, no excuses about voice pitch.

The next part is deciding who we are going to be. I had about 6 months of wild and crazy exhibitionism, and a couple of my escapades led to my taking HIV tests for almost a year. After the trauma of contemplating my mortality for almost a year, I decided that the wild life was not for me. The guilt was crushing.

It was right after that when I went into Islam, and in that time, learned to be a very modest and meek woman. Actually, the cloaks that women wear in Islam were great camo for me, and let me clomp around and do stupid things whilst under a tent where no one could see. I did however absolutely believe in Islam at the time. This was actually more fitting to my personality anyhow. In that time, I did my utmost to learn to apply makeup like a woman my age, learn to move like a woman, learn to talk about the things that women do, and to my great surprise seem to have learned those lessons really well.

The next thing that happened is what is most amazing to me. My belief system is of the utmost importance to me, and if that is offensive to anyone, you should stop reading now.

Briefly, After I left Islam, I struggled about that decision for a long time, but it is done now. Much to my extreme amazement, I am absolutely accepted in this new group. My past is never mentioned, except to my Bishop, and he is absolutely supportive. I do my level best to fit in with the other women, dressing like they do, putting very little make up on, being quiet and considerate to others, being helpful, and generally being a women's team player. The life suits me perfectly. I have taken a vow of celibacy, and intend to devote my life to this fulfilling work.

So, about 6 weeks or so, in walks a trans-woman. She's wearing almost a quart of makeup, to include painted on moles on her face, over stated,formal clothing, and generally NOT being a team player. She's caught in the situation where "it's all about her". Hey, I had my phase of that, and I am sure that most of us have. I do not know the figures on how long it takes us to get worn to the saddle. I well know what it is like to start out doing this however!

Worse yet, when she contributes to a discussion, her contributions are not on subject, and draw attention to herself. She refuses to accept any direction on make up and other things. One thing she needs to accept is that women who have D or E breasts sag. Hers are rice in a plastic bag. She is about my size, so a nice size B or C bust is more natural. Most women in this group have had 6-8 breast fed children and have huge busts, so these ladies know about breasts. Someone who shows up with large high breasts don't convince them.

The discussion amongst the women today make me feel deeply sad. They were not viscous, but all voiced unease about being around her, especially with being hugged by her, which is the norm in our group.

So, to t folk I offer this council. Decide who you want to be as soon as you can. It took me years, and it is my prayer that the rest of you can do this much faster than I did. I was particularly inglorious at first.

Church is not a night club. So, if you go to a church wear minimal makeup that matches. Wear modest clothing that is not too trendy. Decide what your reasons for going into a church are. If your reasons for going are to make a show of yourself... well maybe that is not going to work out.

There is a literal plethora of the disenchanted and those abused by churches doing what they ought not. I can not make apology for that because it was not I that did it. Why it is working out for me I offer no explanation except that God himself did it, for me for reasons I do not understand. I can only hope and pray that those who follow my steps have as many blessings. With that I end this "treatis". :)

Comments

Honey, you're too hard on yourself.

I have seen you several times and you clean up real nice. I've always told you to just be yourself and you have done that. You've been searching for a looong time for somewhere you could feel like yourself... somewhere to call home.

I've told you that whatever gets you through the night and meets with what you believe you need is a GOOD thing.

In MY eyes, and in MY mind, you have always been and will always be a woman. I cannot imagine you any other way.

What you state in your above blog is good advice and something that everyone should take note of.

Be safe, be good. Be YOU.

Huggles and love,
Catherine Linda Michel

As a T-woman, I do have a Y chromosome... it's just in cursive, pink script. Y_0.jpg

I've had to give up spankings.

I never thought it would happen, and sometimes I long for the comfort and security of a small cage. I'll bet over it. :)

G

good Advice

Gwen,

Everything you said rings of truth and reason.

Changing beliefs is not that unusual these days.

As to yur advice concerning dress and manner, it is true wheather you are TG, GG or GM. Joining a new group is very trying, It is bset done quietly and with great consideration for those already in the group. Calling attention to onesself is NOT the way to success. Joining in to the conversation quietly and without calling attention to yourself is best.

Best to you

Zip

Gwen, that is why I left the

Southern Baptist Denomination. They have the very bad habit of judgibg any member who they se as not fitting into their mold

    Stanman
May Your Light Forever Shine

I understand what you mean.

I understand what you mean. And judgment is a hard thing really. I grew up dealing with the Southern Baptist Convention. In fact, I was baptized in a Southern Baptist church, I was forced at times to have contact with Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson, as well as my mother which could be even worse. Then I converted to Islam last year.

I am proud of being Muslim. To them, I am simply a female (and not an abomination as I was regularly referred to as in my old church). I believe in the modesty, and yes I wear hijab. I also feel so much more comfortable in that belief than I ever did before. Maybe it is wrong to say that, but I won't hide who or what I am.

Samirah M. Johnstone

Sisters

As Salaam Alaykom Wa Ramatullah Wa Baraktulluh:

Sr Samira, please see me as your sister. Don't allow anyone to put you to shame for being Muslim. Islam held me steady in the years I was trying to adapt to my new life. The Hijab and Abaya were my shield and honor. I still believe in Jesus Christ as the Son of God, but I am still very Muslim in my beliefs. I believe in one God and that Muhammad PBUH is his prophet. I now practice as Mormon, but I will never forget Islam.

Ma Salaama

Sr Khadijah