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My "Girl Card" is punched. Anyone who wants to hate me for what I am about to say is quite welcome to do so. I do not claim this to be a scholarly, authoritative document. It is my opinion.
Why is it that some of us believe we are the opposite gender? The best figures I have suggest that we, being T, are about .2% (.002), not 2%, of the surrounding population. So, that would make the T population of the US, around 626,000, or about 7500 in my state of Oregon or about 1200 of us in the city of Portland. I've been reading on the subject since the early 80's and know that there are people running around that will insist they know far more than me. Good on ya.
I come at the subject from a bluntly critical view and to spare you reading all this, I think it is a Delusional State brought on by several different factors. Moralizing is not part of this discussion, because to sufferers, it is very real. I have personally talked to professionals who believe that the rate of GBLT set of issues has always been about the same, and that is for millions of years. In my opinion, that rules out things like DES. However, I theorize that the rate may vary by race and country of origin. For undefined reasons, the rate of Hermaphroditic birth defects in Lebanon and the surrounding area, including Iraq, is substantially higher than the norm. I have not seen scientific studies, just the news.
Some think it is higher, at least in Iraq because of the use of depleted nuclear ammunition used in the war. Is it high in the area surrounding Israel because we have been supplying the country with those same radioactive rounds?
I don't think that T folk can just be lumped into one group either, ranging from cross dressers to fools like me who had to have it all, and got the surgery. I'll refrain from further comment on that distribution because I am one of the most judgmental people I know. At one point, my motivation was autogynephilic, but it rapidly moved on to an identity thing.
I am probably not even really Trans-gendered, and perhaps that is why I struggle with it so much. In my early years, I was raised as a girl, then for the following 12 years proceeded to drive my stepfather to distraction with my feminine ways. His constant abuse insured that I would never try to act like a man. However, even then, at first when I came out, I looked more like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eZBj5Y41Y_U
It took me at least several years to begin to move like a woman, and at age 66 when most women walk a little more stiffly, I am in my element. :)
It is hard to find data on those who detransition. I tried it twice, both times with laughable, almost tragic results.
Somehow, In these later years, I have found complete acceptance in the most unlikely place of all; my church. It is not a gay church and if you want to know specifically, PM me.
Since about 30, there just seemed to be something wrong and a lot of time and money was spent in mental health counseling. My general opinion is that most counselors will take you where you want to go, and are not generally trustworthy. Psych meds are prescribed with great abandon, and in the end, your own heart is your best guide, unless you struggle with being bi-polar or Schizophrenia. PTSD, I think is best handled with minimal medication. I take 100 Mg of trazidone to sleep and without it have really vivid nightmares. I think that drugs like Celexa, and Welbutrin actually make many users worse, or at least it did me. So, again, you are your own best friend. Don't believe the doctors; they are not Gods.
I hope this has been at least somewhat helpful. Be careful of counselors, especially T counselors, but even more importantly, avoid Christian counselors that try to guilt you to death. There is nothing to be guilty about, though I do not believe that SRS or living as a woman is the ultimate panacea.
Comments
Hm
Current medical thinking is that transgender feelings are brought on by a physical gender identity being located in the brain. Girls with boy brains and vice versa. To call it a "delusional state" implies that trans people are holding beliefs contrary to the evidence in front of them. As you never defined what you mean by "delusional state" it's difficult to (a) understand what you meant and (b) to contradict it.
As any physical development is affected by the environment in which one is born, you are correct in thinking that transgender issues vary by region and ethnic groups. The biggest cause in the middle east, in terms of "hermaphroditic conditions," is the high rates of inbreeding amongst Muslim populations. Amongst these groups it is quite common to marry first and second cousins. When one chooses to breed with a near relative it increases the chance of passing on genetic defects that both couples share. These higher instances of genetic defects can stay within families for generations.
Studies done in the U.K. have found higher rates of genetic defects among Muslim populations there, as well; however, it should be noted that these studies are highly controversial (though not disproved), especially as it's used as fodder by anti-Muslim hate groups. If you are interested in rates of genetic defects I recommend you look into evolutionary and genetic studies.
I find it interesting how frequently you talk about the negatives of SRS. Specifically, it seems you are of the opinion that SRS is on the whole a negative thing and will not help. Certainly, it seems to be true in your case, but every person is unique. Your own experience might be quite rare.
It isn't unheard of that non-trans people mistakenly believe they are trans and don't figure out they're wrong until it's too late. That's the point of a counsellor in the first place, to help you determine if it's right or not. It's not up to them to make the determination for you. A patient must take responsibility for his or her own life. The best advice you could give to someone enquiring about SRS is that they need to be sure before committing to a permanent change. If they are not sure, they shouldn't do it.
In the end, SRS isn't just about how you feel on the inside. It matters how you feel about what others think of you and how they will interact with you. If transitioning will alienate your friends and family, and you cannot bear that thought, then you would need to immediately abandon any thoughts of transitioning. In such a case, it would do more harm than good.
Delusional State?
You have correctly understood my conclusions. In my case, it was over medication that staarted in my early 50's that really triggered it all. Of course being raised as a girl by Mother, and then having to live with a male that reminded me of satan did not help.
While I can not argue that I am now a woman and happier than in my entire previous life, the loss of family was too much sacrifice, and I shall not get them back. My head tells me that it is they who are acting in an inexcusable manner, but my heart blames me.
Especially with certain people , I worry that they are not approaching their feminization with brutal honesty. So, yes I am seen as negative and I can take the load. I have had the experience of people coming to me after they started transition and complaining that I told them to do it. When, in actuality I did not.
I firmly do not trust Gender Counselors. They have a conflict of interest and it benefits them to keep you coming back. Drugs are also often misprescribed to the detriment of the patient.
Can there be a good outcome to SRS? Well, as long as candidates realize that there is a risk that their vagina is going to be as useless as mine, I suppose so. Out of the 600 or so Authors on BCTS, I doubt that the number of post ops is very large. So, if reading and writing stories about doing it can ease the suffering of those who are not, it seems valuable.
I stupidly thought, when I came to BCTS, that most authors here were post op. I have no excuse for such preposterous idiocy except to say that I was on enough drugs to sedate a raging bull.
Perhaps if I had revealed my true nature to my family very early on, I would have had a better relationship now, or not.
No matter what you think of me, I am trying to save others pain.
Gwendolyn
Facts
are such inconvenient things. The medical evidence argues contrary to your opinion on this one. With a 31% suicide rate the medical profession has had a lot of samples to work with.
Yep...
...physical and emotional challenges... Rule out/rule in bi-polar. Major depressive episodes. PTSD. Physical ailments. And suicide, even merely contemplated/ideated without fulfillment as they say, isn't painless at all.
BUT.... None of those things and others were part of my early childhood. And I knew at five that I was different. I'm one of those who are in fact considered DES boys; the gender hard wiring likely changed/determined by a flood of estrogen in utero, if you believe the reports. And I don't strive for a change so much as a huge hope for acknowledgment no matter what the physical part of me finally becomes. I cannot say for others, but it really is how I view myself.
Love, Andrea Lena
While SRS may not have been
While SRS may not have been right for you, that doesn't mean that it's not right for other transsexuals. I had very positive results with my SRS, freeing me from a lot of anxiety and worry. It is true that it is not a panacea, but I'm quite happy with my results. I don't take any medication and do not believe that I suffer from a delusional state. Maybe you do, and that sucks, but you cannot generalize that to all transsexuals. Granted, my case is quite different,since I transitioned when I was 19 and live a pretty boring life in stealth.
Did you have losses?
Where your family supportive? I think that is one of the key elements.
People like XXXX bother me, because I fear that she expects too much from SRS.
I am glad that you are happy.
Family supportive?
Just what would that look like? Does that mean that, when they found out, they would say, "Good on you. We've always known you were more than a little femme. Now that you've been honest with us about it we can all be happy and get on with our lives." That's a bit much to ask for, but we see it in stories all the time. I think we all wish for it.
In reality, I think that what I got is a bit more realistic. My father was confronted with it three times as I was growing up and each time he chose not to do anything, neither pro nor con. The first time I was about ten and he found my stash. Actually it was just some things that had been stored in my closet and I was wearing when I could. (I had a large closet and didn't really need all of it.) What gave away that I was wearing it was the seam on the only pair of panties had been ripped out and I closed it with safety pins. He asked me about it and I admitted to wearing them. No punishment followed, but the clothes disappeared. The second was when I was about thirteen. We lived in an industrial area and our backyard was pretty secluded. It was visible only from the neighbors yard. The neighbor was and older lady (about my age now) who lived alone and was often not home. On this occasion, she had washed a full slip and left it hanging on a hanger on her back porch to dry. I had eyed it for a couple of hours. I dearly wished I could wear it and finally, knowing she wasn't home, I gave into temptation and put on a pair of panties and a stuffed out bra and slipped out our back door, climbed onto her porch. I truly only wanted to wear it a few minutes. While I was enjoying the feel of the slip I heard my father's car slowing down to turn into our driveway. I panicked and hurtled the fence and ran into our backdoor. I don't know just where my dad was when he saw me, but when I came out of my room after changing into my boy clothes, he simply said, "You don't want to let people see you outside in a woman's petticoat, they'll think you're crazy." That was it. No demands, no lecture, no searching out the clothes and confiscating them. The last time was when I was seventeen; my married sister got a report of me dressing and decided to confront me in my dad's presence. I didn't deny anything and admitted to getting into her things from age nine on. She felt she had done her duty and left dad to "deal" with me. Dad never said a word after she left.
Then I got married. "The sure cure." Isn't that what we all thought? Getting married would surely drive this silly femme notion out of our heads, right? Well not in my case, nor the case of anyone else who's admitted to having that delusion. My wife caught me about five years into our marriage. I was fully dressed. By then I was bright enough to know that it wasn't going away, so I didn't make any promises, but told her that I knew it would always be with me. She didn't like it, she allowed that if I really needed to do it she would not come into our bedroom when the door was closed and I could do it in there. (Do it if you must, but don't let me see it.) Well, talk about the closet. That didn't last long. It wasn't good enough for the woman within. We had a rough ten years while I insisted that she accept me on my terms and she insisted that I keep it in the closet and away from our children. Finally I grew up and as I went out of my way to be a good husband and father, she softened on the keeping it in the closet (since I hadn't done a very good job of that.) About that time I came fully out to my dad and started visiting him en femme and he totally accepted that I would dress up and visit. Now, I dress as I please at home and go out alone dressed as I please. I only tone it down enough that the casual observer would accept me as male at work or when I'm with her or going some place where people we know are sure to be there. She loves me and has even bought me some very nice femme gifts.
So, if that a supportive family, then I've had one and, in that I've never been made to feel guilty about it I'd say it's important in just where I went with it. I got some online support in sites like this one when I was about fifty and I was encouraged to "homogenize" the two sides of my personality and just be me whether presenting feminine or masculine. It works for me. I'm a feminine male who lives all of my private life in feminine mode and most of my public life in stealth feminine mode. I don't aspire to SRS, but if circumstances were right I'd live feminine full time.
Hugs
Patricia
Happiness is being all dressed up and HAVING some place to go.
Semper in femineo gerunt
My mom was okay with it but
My mom was okay with it but my Dad was violently opposed to it. We are civil now but it took a while. Another key difference is that I did not have any sort of relationship prior to transitioning. You are quite correct: SRS is not a magic happiness pill. It just makes a lot of things easier, like going to spas, swimming, daily life stuff, for those who are already comfortable and happy living full time as a woman.
if its a delusion
its a pretty persistent one. It has survived some pretty powerful attempts to "cure" myself of it. You'd think that a delusion would be curable - if I thought I was a hedgehog, I'm sure there is a treatment that would get me to a place where I could function as a human. But no such treatment has worked for getting rid of the notion that I'm a woman. As for the surgery, I dont expect miracles, I just want to be able to not feel those disgusting lumps in my panties. I'm not expecting sexual function, nor do I need it (although if I'm lucky enough to come out with some, that's a bonus) I've been lucky on the family front - even though my daughter is against me being a woman, she hasn't left my life yet, and hopefully wont when she turns 18.
I'm sorry for your losses hon. We dont always get the fairy tale, and that sucks.
Your mileage may vary
I've dithered about whether to post anything in respect of this blog but eventually decided too.
As with anything in life, our individual experiences shape our views and it would be fair to say that in transition terms for each of us, 'your mileages may vary' as the phrase goes. Surgery doesn't change the way people on the street treat you, your job, your family relations or the direction the sun rises and sets but I found it does give an increased peace of mind... but again mileages may vary. Ensuring the patient has a realistic set of expectations from surgery is one of the jobs of the referring psych after all.
Even if GID is a delusion (which I don't agree it is)... I'm a happy, tall blonde woman who sings off key and worries about her weight. If this is a delusion it's a good one, certainly a heck of a lot better than the delusion I was living before, so I would ask is a little good delusion really that bad a thing?
"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."
I heartily agree. I didn't
I heartily agree. I didn't really expect dramatic changes for my SRS but it did give me more peace of mind. I think the trouble lies in the thinking that surgery will solve all their problems. For me, specifically, surgery resulted in:
* freedom from fear of exposure
* ability to go to spas and saunas where one has to be naked with strangers
* not being bothered with seeing or feeling the wrong set of genitals when dressing or moving about
* a little boost in confidence and peace of mind
But the important thing is that I was already living an okay life prior to surgery so I wasn't expecting it to be a miraculous thing.
GID.
Just read your blog Gwen, yes it's interesting reading and as you know, I come to LGBT Issues from a different direction insofar as I think of myself as something intergendered.
I find I have little trouble with the gay community and your observations about they're not liking us 'tee-girls' is mostly at the political or social level, mainly because we are about twenty years behind the gays in advocating for our political, social and legal rights not to mention our additional medical needs. This delay or time lag is mostly because our needs vary so much from individual to individual. Transvestites tend to see their needs as social and cosmetic whilst transgender people have the additional medical needs that can cover a vast range of variation. These variables make it difficult for the tee-community to co-ordinate their voices in to a single public shout.
As to your feelings about the medical professionals, well I am forced to agree with you in some considerably degree but again, prejudices amongst tee-people must necessarily stem from whatever experiences they have had at the hands of the medical profession; good or bad ... excellent or terrible.
I find my personal situation tends to resemble Babara Allen's in many social senses but as to our gender identity circumstances I would accept that we differ appreciably though I could quite possibly live for long periods as a woman if I did not have obligations to my partner. My transgender needs are not that desperate or life-threatening. Mainly because my condition is fluid as I flow back and forth betwixt male and female.
My wife describes it as 'flip/flop' because she sees my gender moods as very erratic and sudden insofar as I can go to bed with my female head on and wake up with a male head, and vice-versa. I suppose that's a matter of the speed of different people's mental clocks. I have to say my transgender mindset in either role is usually a matter of days or sometimes weeks but never months, (well not so far anyway,). Paradoxically, my transvestite mindset could quite happily have me semi-permanently in the female role.
I find my gender issues sometimes compel me to step into male attire just to function easily with myself if my male head is feeling particularly forceful. Strangely when this happens, I don't see my male side as forceful, or dominant or macho, and 'Bevan' certainly does not feel a threat or abusive towards 'Beverly', bizarre or what.
In my early days this gender pendulum caused me enormous grief mostly because of the restrictive social climate but nowadays, paradoxically, the swops serve as relief valves as I move in and out of gender roles. Today, I am enormously relieved that my teenaged and twenty-something suicide attempts were unsuccessful, because I have found some considerable degree of peace and satisfaction. Life couldn't be better.