(This story is set after the events of "The Heart of it All." Head over there if you wish to stay clear of spoilers.)
If you came across a fork in the road, which path would you choose?
What makes you, you? I suppose that’s a difficult question to answer. It’s funny- you live your life every day, you know everything about you outside and in, and yet, it’s still one of the hardest things a human being could ever answer.
It’s even harder for us Wyld.
My name is Scott Ryan, although that name is getting harder and harder to associate myself with. You see, I’m a girl, and have been for the past ten years. In order to keep myself hidden, as well as put a face on my already famous legacy, I gave my name to my friend and colleague, Ian Kennedy. At first it was hard hearing my name and not being able to answer it, but soon I grew used to it. It’s just the way it is.
There are very few people who know my real identity, or any of my past. Obviously Ian is one person. Trish and Marcus are some others. Grond might be able to piece together some of it, though I don’t think it interests him, unlike chowing on a smorgasbord of scrap metal. I’ve thought about telling Fatima, whom since I’ve fought alongside her I’ve grown real close to. Yet the opportunity hasn’t presented itself.
And here I am, testing my restraint as Trish, Fatima, and Silverwisp decided to make me their personal dress up doll.
“Hold still!” Silverwisp ordered as she tried to get a measurement of my waist size.
I was wearing nothing more but a frilly bra and black panties. This was the first time I even dared to wear anything this girly. For the most part, boxers did the trick, and even though I needed a bra for support, it wasn’t anything like this.
And I reluctantly put up with it. It was a big deal today as the Kami, unofficial leader of Japan, would come to town to meet with us. Of course, by us she means Scott Ryan, the name Ian currently possesses. However, he wanted me to be there during the meeting; this was technically my country after all, and he’d rather go by my judgments instead of his own.
And that meant swallowing my pride and dressing for the occasion. I didn’t know enough about Japanese etiquette, but what I did know is that I needed to pull out all the stops, even if it kills me.
Silverwisp flew underneath me as she wound the measuring tape around my breasts. “Hey!” I yelled, trying to shoo her from my most sensitive mounds of flesh.
Evading my swatting, she carefully read her measure and gave out my measurements. “34", 24", 34", yeah, that's a model's body there, given your height."
“What a finely shaped body, sis.” Trish remarked. “I think I’m a little jealous.”
"Well, my body tends to burn off fat awfully easy, whaddya expect?" I stated. Honestly the regeneration would be fantastic...if I was a MAN!
Using her powers she constructed a strapless dress with her nanomachinery. It was emerald in color, shimmering as it lied over Trish’s arm, just begging me to try it on.
“Aw, man!” Silverwisp cried in amazement. “Green is sooo my favorite color!”
“It thought it would look good on her,” Trish explained. “Matches her eyes.”
“Well go on!” Fatima urged. “Put it on.”
I sighed as I grabbed the piece of clothing from Trish. “You’re lucky I’m putting up with this!”
Fatima quipped, “You’re such a beautiful woman, Huriyah. You shouldn’t always act like a tomboy you know. You have the assets- you should show them once in awhile.”
Staring at the dress, I sarcastically replied, “Gee, thanks.” Unzipping the dress I couldn’t help but see some extra fabric inside. “What’s this?” I asked.
“It’s support,” Trish answered. “How else are you going to wear something strapless?”
“You might want to lose the bra before you put it on,” Fatima suggested.
Rolling my eyes, I replied, “I’ll be in the bathroom.”
As I made my way outside I was greeted by the three ladies; their jaws all hitting the floor.
“Girl, you are such a knockout!” Trish exclaimed.
“You could be like, a prom queen or something!” Silverwisp added. “You’re not too old for that, are you?”
“All the boys will be all over you!” Fatima claimed. “They’ll be the moths to your flame!”
“Okay, okay!” I yelled, hoping they’d shut up, “Can we finish this? I have a meeting to catch.”
I thought everything I was at the homestretch, considering I put on the dress and crap. Apparently not. They took their sweet time teasing it, making it curlier than it already was, and styled it into a messy bob.
“There! Perfect!” Fatima cried. “That definitely is the type of style for you Huriyah! Elegant, and yet unsophisticated. You’re the working type of girl anyway right? Might as well have the tomboy in you shine!”
“Thanks for the consideration,” I sarcastically quipped as I rolled my eyes. I seemed to be doing that more and more lately. It's beginning to be an annoying habit.
Finally Trish handed me a pair of long emerald earrings. “Here,” She said. “I know we can’t pierce your ears seeing that they’d just heal up in a matter of seconds, but I think these can stay on you no prob.”
Silverwisp came fluttering back with a pair of green stilettos. “Try these on!”
“High heels!?” I stated, feeling uneasy. “I’ve never worn anything like that!”
“Well,” Trish replied. “If you break an ankle you’ll just heal so you shouldn’t have any trouble getting used to them!”
…One of these days I’m gonna get back at these ladies, God willing.
Finally we were finished, bless my lucky stars. Surprisingly It was getting kind of late, and was wondering where Ian was.
“I sure hope he’d hurry up,” I complained.
“Oh, who? Scott?” Silverwisp inferred, still using my name to identify him. “He’s waiting out in the living room.”
“What?” I gasped as my voice raised a few decibels. “How long has he been here?”
“Oh, I’d say about an hour now,” Silverwisp replied. “But, hey, at least you look good for him!”
I really wanted to ring her neck for assuming I was doing all this for him. I didn’t have the time, however.
“I’m late, I’m late!” I cried as I circled around the room. My panicking didn’t help with the whole walking issue as I quickly twisted my ankle and fell right on my ass.
“Ugh!” I yelped, as the pain spread throughout my lower leg. “How the hell do you women live with this?”
“Oh, the price we pay to look beautiful,” Trish remarked as she handed me a purse. “You probably should take this.”
Grabbing the bag, the most embarrassing thing occurred when Fatima led Ian over to me. There is nothing worse than feeling absolutely helpless in front of another person. It would take a few minutes for this ankle to heal, after all.
And what I saw in his face. Jesus, his face was beet red. He better not be getting any perverted ideas! It wasn’t happening!
“Uhm…” he began as he scratched the back of his neck. “You need a lift?”
With my teeth gritting I held back my frustration, and simply replied, “I-I’m fine! Really!”
“I don’t know if you have much time,” Trish reminded us. “You might have to let it heal while you make your way there.”
“It won’t take that long!” I pleaded. “Real-“
I couldn’t finish as Ian immediately picked me up with his arms and carried me in front of him out into the car. Throughout the way I threw quite the temper tantrum.
“Let me down! Damn it! I don’t deserve to be manhandled like this! Let me down!”
...I swear I hate being the light one.
We made our way to the Presidential Palace- Toledo’s City Hall, if you would. There have been many people who’ve been willing to come in and build a building that would be more majestic, but honestly, I don’t see the point. Maybe if we bring in more people.
My ankle fully healed I slowly took a step outside, hoping not to make a fool out of myself this time. With Ian cordially offering me a hand as I got up, I fought back my pride and accepted it. It was a formal occasion, and no matter what happened I was playing the female, so that meant accepting Ian opening the door for me, helping me from my seat, locking arms around his and other things I would otherwise never do. Having the only known untamed in our presence was a huge honor. Getting in her good graces would be essential in having a healthy state. So, yes, I tried to keep cool.
With our arms intertwined, we slowly walked down up the stairs to the entrance, already putting my heels through the gauntlet. Being sexy shouldn’t have to affect convenience.
Staring straight ahead, Ian began to whisper to me. “I’m surprised you’d go so far for this, dressing up like this. Doesn’t seem like you.”
“…Never again,” I sternly retorted. “Let’s just get this over with.”
“You look very beautiful, by the way,” he added. I didn’t know whether to thank him, or chew him out.
We made our way inside, where the great Kami awaited us, along with her aide, whom seem to be a little upset with our lack of punctuality.
“You should be appreciated of our great leader’s patience,” he chided as we greeted them.
“I apologize,” Ian began, “We had some unforeseen delays getting here.” I began to wonder if he was trying to insinuate something. It wasn’t like I wanted to dress up THIS nice.
Meanwhile I could help how Kami stared at me. First I was just wondering if she was approving of my attire, but somehow I felt like she was staring at something deeper.
She turned her attention back to Ian, and began to speak. “Forgive my assistant’s lack of tact. We are very busy individuals. Sometimes our schedules get very tight, and it’s hard to get around everything. As it is we have to travel to Chicago to find a successor to Doge Giovanni, seeing he’s been indicted. But, I assure you, it is not of your doing!”
“I appreciate it,” Ian stated. “I am Scott Ryan, President of the Wyldlands.”
Ian held out his hand as Kami graciously accepted it. Then she turned to me, and claimed. “So I assume this enchanting lady is your date tonight?”
I couldn’t pay attention to what she was saying, otherwise I would have probably snapped at hearing the word “date.” No, it was those damned eyes again, piercing through my calloused exterior. She isn’t Medusa or anything, right?
“Um…” Ian started, and seeing my lack of reaction replied, “You could say that, yes.” With a quick digression he got to business. “So I’ve heard you would be interested in setting up an embassy in our newborn nation.”
“Well Ryan-san,” she began. “We Wyld must stand together. It might not be the best of interests as a whole; many have refused to accept your status as a new nation. Many of our other allies would undoubtedly respond negatively of such a move. The Japanese Diet have also shown their concern.”
“And what is it we can do to help solve this problem, madam?” Ian wondered.
“It isn’t of your doing, Ryan-san,” she answered. “It is just the predicament of your situation. You’re still technically at war with the Confederate States, and likewise the Lake States don’t appreciate that you threw their country into disarray. Our people fear if we agree to a partnership that we would be dragged into a conflict which may cost us in the long run.”
“You know that it was the Doge who attacked us, correct?” Ian inferred.
“Of course, but that doesn’t change things,” she replied. “Without some leadership they’ll be doomed to chaos. I must tread carefully in hopes that we all can come to a reasonable solution.”
The talk was over my head. I felt so nervous, so paranoid. I didn’t even notice that my legs were starting to shake. Everything was a whirlwind, but maybe that’s what happens when next to what was in all purposes a "God". All I know is I couldn’t stand here much longer.
“Excuse me,” I said to the group, “I…I believe I’ll go freshen up a bit.” Clasping my purse I turned and broke away, hoping I could regain my composure.
I made my way to the woman’s restroom. All alone I leaned up against the counter. I felt unbelievably uncomfortable. It wasn’t just the dress, or the makeup, or even the high heels. It was that woman, Kami. It felt like she could stare directly into my soul, and then some. It felt as if she could sense my insecurity, my masculinity, my pain and my defiance. I didn’t want to feel that.
How ironic was it that she would enter the bathroom, with me trying to avoid her like the plague.
“Taking a good long look at yourself?” She asked. Standing right beside me she proceeded to compliment my features. “You make a wonderful woman. The dress suits you. The green compliments the color of your beautiful red hair.”
I really didn’t want to hear that. However she seemed to keep pressing. “It’s a shame someone like you does’t wear it more often.”
I was shocked. “Just what are you getting at!?” I asked, raising my voice.
“You can drop the charade. It’s only the two of us here,” She declared, “Scott Ryan.”
And that left me speechless. She knew who I was, but how? It’s not like I’ve ever met her.
“How-how did you know?” I stuttered, both amazed and frightened at her talents.
“It’s not difficult,” she claimed. “That negotiator doesn’t have much energy to draw from. However you, the Wyld energy flowing from you is very apparent. Just using that I could read your thoughts, and feelings. I knew you were the real Scott Ryan.”
So, she was reading into me. Every little bit of personal information siphoned from me like a vacuum. I’ve never felt more disturbed in my life.
“You needn’t worry about your thoughts,” she tried to assure me. “I haven’t scried deep into them. Just enough to get a good grasp of you, Ms. Ryan.”
“Don’t call me that!” I cried as I turned away from the mirror. "I'm not a 'Miss!'"
“Why not?” she asked. “Ten years and still you refuse to accept the plain fact. Look at yourself. Look at your long, narrowed fingers, your soft skin. Look at your long, curly hair, and how it brings out the youthfulness of your face when it’s bobbed like that. Look how your body fits so neatly into that beautiful dress you willed yourself to wear.”
“Stop it!” I begged. “Leave me alone.”
“It’s time you start coming out of your shell, my beautiful daughter,” she continued. “All of us Wyld have trials and tribulations to overcome. Yours is no different. Why do you keep yourself hidden?”
That was the one question I rather never answer. “It’s…complicated.”
She didn’t need to hear any more. She stopped pushing me and immediately changed the subject.
“I will only desire the answer of the true leader of this region,” She digressed. “Miss Ryan, do you wish to establish communications between my country and yours?”
I sighed. I was not a “Miss” by any stretch of the imagination. The dress, the hair, the heels, I did it all for the sake of this one deal. But damn it, if I was going to live as a woman, then I’ll be the biggest tomboy this world will ever see!
And with that I answered, “Yes, I would like it very much. With the Japanese by our side our prospects as a nation looks brighter.”
With that she bowed. As she walked out the door she gave me a harsh reminder. “One day you’re going to have to face yourself…and face the one you fear.”
The evening came. After the big meeting I returned to my apartment. The silence was deafening, but no matter. I needed to think.
Pulling off my heels, the first place I headed was the bathroom to get changed. Sitting down on the toilet seat, the first order of business was to pull off my panty hose. I rolled them down from my thighs to the ends of my feet. Finally off you could see my shiny green toenails that Fatima painted the night before. Staring at them, I realized they weren’t really all that bad looking on me.
I stood up and inched my way to the mirror. This was the first time I really had a good look at me wearing this. The first time I barely glanced at myself, and gave Fatima and Trish my approval just so they’d be off my back. Now however was an entirely different story. Kami was right- the dress really did suit me, molding to every curve on my body, accentuating every feminine feature. My hair was wonderfully styled; how the strands of curly hair escaped the loose bob and effortlessly sat on each side of my face. Probably the most style hair I’ve ever had, and let’s be honest, a loose bob really isn’t all that high fashioned.
I pulled off my fake earrings while my thoughts drifted further at the beautiful visage staring before me. What kind of name would a girl like this have? I thought to myself. Sarah? Nah, too obvious. Stephanie? Too prissy by my standards. Sandra? …I don’t know.
At this point I was completely naked in all my female glory. I threw my dress aside as I made my way to the bathtub. Often times I didn’t take too long showering. I wanted to avoid seeing myself as much as possible. Tonight, however, I didn’t feel so apathetic. Something in me wanted to soak for a change. I think I’ve earned it, after all.
With a bottle of soap in hand I began to pour the contents in it to make the bath water all bubbly and suzzy. I dipped my feet into the warm pool; the feeling was sensational after all the pain I felt walking in heels all day.
My eyes closed I felt myself at ease as I slowly lied down in the bubbly bath below. I looked at my body, hidden underneath the suds as the bubbles moved over me. My boobs stood out in front of me, semi erect from the cold air flowing around the room.
I raised my foot up from underneath the mountains of suds. Wiggling my toes, I said to myself, “I guess I have gotten a little more effeminate lately. …Just a little.”
Sitting up I took a washcloth and began to lather myself. I rubbed the cloth down my arms as
I stared in amazement at how fine and smoother they looked.
Peeking down submerged underneath the water was my fire red mound. It was something I never paid attention to, but at least it was relatively neat. The last thing I ever want to see was the penis I didn’t see. But right now it didn’t seem to get to me.
Something in me was starting to stir. I slowly took my hand and inched it closer to my labia. Never had I gotten this close to my new genitalia, which you would think is odd, considering I’ve been a girl for 10 years. I steeled myself against it, no matter how close I’d get myself. Perhaps that’s why at times I acted like a total bitch. I seriously doubt it’s all just because I’m a red head.
My thoughts were in overdrive as I began to imagine that wonderful lady in the mirror that stood right in front of me. I didn’t even realize that I began to pleasure myself as my finger entered my vagina. I was getting horny over my body; I was getting horny over myself. Or so it started out.
Yet the more I surrendered myself; the more I stroked my obviously female organ the more I to shifted into the feminine state of my mind, my feelings I so desperately kept hidden from most people’s view. All of a sudden I became that girl. I could feel that certain something, messaging my vagina, making me experience this new and exciting feeling.
I could almost feel the appeal of a guy’s member within me. Moving inside me, making me feel alive. How it got that far, I don’t know, but something within me could imagine such a thing, as I envisioned myself being penetrated.
“Oh God,” I screamed as I was getting extremely aroused, “This is wonderful!”
I couldn’t help but gasp and moan. It didn’t really matter, I was in the privacy of my own home, and furthermore, in the privacy of my own sexual fantasy. The rush of heat was filling my insides, I knew I was about to burst.
And all of a sudden my fantasies turned into a nightmare as I looked up from my imaginary lover and looked in his…no, into her eyes.
As I orgasmed I shrieked out of horror and not of pleasure, “Miriam!”
If you came across a fork in the road, which path would you choose?
I remember that night so vividly. I still have nightmares about it. Ever since ten years ago, I don’t think I’ve ever slept soundly.
The night where she lied, bloodied, cradled in my arms.
I didn’t know what would become of me. I didn’t care. I could live the rest of my life as a woman if I had Miriam by my side. Even if all my dreams, desires, and goals for the future all disappeared, I could have been content being her wife just as much as being her husband.
But it didn’t happen. She died taking a gunshot wound in order to protect me. She never knew my ability. Not even I knew at what lengths I could survive such damaging attacks, but it didn’t matter. She died because someone found out. Someone found out I was Wyld.
Whatever jubilation I felt had quickly dissipated. The pleasuring, the moaning, the intensity; it made me feel dirty, and guilty. The fact I truly did enjoy it only made me feel worse.
I sat naked, my wet body dripped bathwater as it soaked into the sheets of my bed below. I didn’t bother drying off, let alone turn on the lights. All I could do it stare at myself, flabbergasted by what I’ve done.
The next day came. Silverwisp was having a bonfire tonight. It was sort of a get together, perhaps for the last time. Ian was a president now, and as such the chances of him ever being able to do this again would be quite slim.
I put on the manliest things I knew. No dressing up, no looking pretty. I may not be able to hide all the curves my body possesses but damn it if I wasn’t gonna try. After my night last night, I’d rather not think about the beautiful body that was cursed to me.
And let’s be honest, after all the mental drain, I really didn’t feel up to anything. But I do value my friendship. Though I may not be as forthright with them at times, they’re still my family. I would fight to the death for any one of them.
It was a little after dark as we arrived at Silverwisp’s little grove. Today it was Fey neighborhood; a 2 to 3 mile area covered entirely of forest. The trees were so tall it practically covered the sky entirely. Having a bonfire in such a place may seem a little haphazard, but the trees and other fauna were of an enchanted nature. Fire couldn’t harm it.
Seeing me arrive gave Silverwisp a mixed sense of happiness and disappointment. I could see that all the girls were dressed mighty nice for the occasion. It seemed that Silverwisp was wearing a miniature version of the dress I had on last night.
“Hey there!” She cried as fluttered over and gave me a hug. “I was hoping you’d wear your dress again today. We all hoped you’d be dressing up along with us.”
I shrugged her off with my hand as I walked by, and weakly replied, “I didn’t feel it was necessary.”
I made my way over to the campfire where the girls, Marcus, Ian, even Eel was waiting for me. Being the courteous gentlemen he was, Eel was offering up his seat, but I turned him down. I felt just fine standing at the moment.
“Hey there,” Ian began. “So you made it to my setting off party, yeah?”
“Yeah,” I answered lightly, “I figured this might be the last time we all see each other, seeing we all have our own jobs ahead of us.”
“I’m sure we’ll see each other again,” Marcus chimed in. “With all the activity going on here we’ll all need to work together to make this city run as smooth as possible.”
“We’ll be more like working partners at that point,” Fatima said, “It will be hard to just have casual time like this.”
“Well, was it any different than we were in battle?” I queried. “I mean we all worked together to achieve our common goals.”
“But that was different,” Fatima came in. “When I came in I had no one, but now I have you, Huriyah. And everyone else here as well.”
“Yeah,” Trish continued. “We’ve all been together for quite awhile, so obviously working so close to each other had brought us closer together.”
“It just won’t be a daily thing anymore,” Ian admitted. “Hell just next week I have to travel halfway around the world, establish relationships and whatnot. Diplomacy is quite the thankless job, you know?”
Sure enough the conversation I started moved along quite well without me. My mind was just lost as all I can remember was Miriam. I felt like I’ve wronged her. That I would carelessly forget all about her. I gave in to this…this thing that I reside in. And how I wish I could break free, but here I remain, trapped like a prisoner in my four wall world, and ever so slowly it was inching closer and closer, crushing my very soul.
“Are you ok?” Ian asked, snapping me out of my trance.
I really couldn’t hold back the emotions much longer. I had to get away.
“I…If you don’t mind,” I said trying to hold back my sobs as much as possible. “I think I’m going to take a few minutes to clear my head.”
And so I left, separating myself from the crowd, not much different than when I did when I met Kami.
I made my way to a quiet glen nearby where I could be alone, although hanging with myself wasn't the most comforting of things. I slowly began to drift back into last night, as if I was reliving that moment all over again. I was almost expecting Kami to make her grand entrance once again.
I remembered her words, echoing just like she was there, repeating it over and over and over again:
“One day you’re going to have to face yourself…and face the one you fear.”
And somehow I feel like it’s become some sort of cruel joke, like somehow she played with my mind like a piece of clay. Every compliment she said: my beautiful, hourglass body, creamy skin, red hair…God damnit now I was thinking it!
I hated myself, no- I hated that subconsciously I loved myself. If she was anyone other than me I would give anything to be with her. Why am I acting so vain?
“Hey there, sis,” A voice came from beyond the shadows, startling me. It was only Trish, who slowly walked over to check up on me.
I rushed over to her as I put my head over her bosom and cried uncontrollably. She just stood there, stroking the back of my hair, as I wept. She didn’t say anything, she didn’t care. She just knew I needed someone to hold onto. I just needed to let it all out.
We made our way back to the campfire. Now that I was through crying, I felt as good as new. It’s weird how a good cry can make things a little better. At this point I began to wonder why I didn’t do it more often, even back when I was a guy.
Something surprised me however as I made my way back. I was tackled, by something my height, with caramel skin and a bushy tail. Much to my embarrassment I couldn’t help but scream as I was being pulled to the ground.
“Sis!” She cried as she embraced me in a gigantic bear hug.
“Can’t…breathe…!” I gasped as my furry friend continued to aphixiate me.
“Oh,” She realized as she pulled me up from all the roughhousing. "Eh, heh...Sorry!"
Looking at us from afar Ian was staring wondering what on blazes he just witnessed. “What just happened?”
She looked at Ian and realized she forgot to introduce herself. “Oops! Where are my manners!”
She pardoned. “I’m Sienna. Those two who escorted me are Brick and Jade.”
She pointed over to a rather imposing cynical human looking man and a woman of green skin, her hair replaced by leaves.
“This is a beautiful grove,” Jade replied. “I am glad to see that in your new rule that you haven’t neglected the spirit of Mother Earth.”
“I wish the entire city was covered in trees!” Silverwisp exclaimed. “I just love how peaceful and pretty everything is.”
“I think we will get along just fine, little one,” Jade affirmed.
“Hmph,” said Brick, the man right beside her.
“You seem rather normal,” the Scaly Eel began, “Tell me, what skill do you have?”
Brick gritted his teeth in disgust. All of a sudden, kind of like a Hadouken he unleashed his power on the poor Eel.
…he conjured a brick out of thin air and smacked him clean on his noggin.
“Ow!” he cried as he rubbed his head, “That really hurt!”
“Come on Brick, cut it out!” Sienna demanded. “Forgive him, he kind of acts like that because he has such a…well, peculiar power.”
“I attack people with bricks!” He stated, obviously not thrilled about it. “What kind of sick and twisted being would give a Wyld a power like that?”
And honestly, I would’ve traded his power for the world. There are a lot worse powers, you know.
“When Sienna arrived I knew she was looking for you,” Trish confessed to me. “So I told her to wait while I fetch you. I kind of forgot saying something to you about it.”
That happens sometimes when I’m an emotional mess. She looked into my eyes and knew I didn’t have a problem with it.
“It was kind of surprising you went out of your way to find us,” Marcus stated.
“Not really,” She insisted, “I just asked for directions.”
“So you guys know each other?” Ian asked.
“Yeah,” Trish replied. “We were enslaved together…I’d rather not get into the details.”
“Yup!” Sienna answered, “And this unbelievable lady here saved us!” She directed her gaze to me.
“Wow, Huriyah,” Fatima said, “You have done this a long while. I’m surprised your name isn’t recognized as highly as Scott’s.”
“You know, I wonder what your name is anyway?” Silverwisp asked. “Just seems odd we don’t know it by now.”
I figured I’d let out the truth. There was nothing left to hide. I stared at Ian, and he slowly nodded, giving me the okay.
“The truth is…” I began, “I’m Scott Ryan.”
Silverwisp, Fatima, and even Eel looked at me with raised brows. They stared at me as if I was high on something. My countenance showed them that I wasn’t joking around.
I gave them a few seconds to let that sink in and continued. “Sienna, Trish, and Marcus all know.
“Then who’s this?” Silverwisp asked pointing at Ian.
“His real name is Ian Kennedy,” I answered. “He was a diplomat from the Cascadian region, who was sent to negotiate a treaty for all of us. I save his life, and he helped me with the diplomatic part of my mission.”
“I’m afraid I don’t get it,” the rather cordial Eel admitted. “Why exactly did you go through all of this? This whole thing is confusing me.”
“Honestly, I didn’t want to,” I answered. I wish I could’ve just disappeared and moved on. But sometimes fate kind of forces you into things you can’t avoid.”
I continued, trying not to break down as I recollected the story. “I suppose I had a debt to pay, so to speak. One of them was to my friend Marcus, who helped me when times were rough. And the other was named Max, who happened to be Sienna’s adopted guardian. I think you’d known him through his other name, Gun.”
They all gasped at everything they were hearing. Eel couldn’t even believe it as he asked Sienna, “You’re the daughter of the famous Gun?”
“Adopted, yes,” The bushy tailed squired girl replied. “But I still think of him as my dad, even to this day.”
“It was never my idea to get involved with fighting,” I continued. “And I never knew that my actions would result in anything like this.” By this, I meant claiming Toledo.
“Back then, Max and I were strong allies and good friends,” Marcus explained. “He wanted me to take care of Sienna for him, and keep her out of trouble. But then the Wyld Purge occurred and we were separated.” He looked down, obviously feeling a little pain when recollecting the moments as well. Sienna even came over to comfort him as he continued.
“It wasn’t your fault,” she said.
“I looked everywhere,” he resumed. “I called some friends from some local resistance cells, hoping that they could somehow locate her. If Sienna died…I could’ve never forgiven myself.”
“I was held prisoner for 5 years prior to becoming Wyld,” Sienna interjected. “Some of them wanted to kill me on sight, knowing that I was related to the infamous “Gun.” But, they decided not to. It wouldn’t look good if someone shot a child in cold blood when she hasn’t gone Wyld. So they did the next best thing.”
“There are places,” Trish stated, “where the offspring of Wyld are taken, and kept in isolation away from society’s eyes. They are beaten, broken, and forced to do meager jobs indoors while they wait to develop. Those who do are taken to the surface and slave away there. Those who don’t…” She turned away, obviously not wanting to think about such a thing. I knew the rest though. Those who didn’t turn Wyld were executed. They didn’t want anyone to know that they actually used “humans” as slaves after all.
“I suppose that makes me a lucky one,” Sienna said in a bittersweet manner. “Once I turned I was sent to the limestone quarries to work. That’s where I met Trish and Grond.”
“Grond too, huh?” Ian realized.
“In any event,” Marcus continued. “We managed to uncover her whereabouts 5 years later. Back then it was just me and Scott on the run, trying to stay one step ahead.”
“I really didn’t have anywhere else to go,” I added. “At this point Marcus was all I knew. And when I figured out that Marcus actually knew Max and Sienna well…”
“I saw a shift in her demeanor for the first time,” Marcus finished my sentence for me. “She turned from a quiet, solemn girl, to a determined young woman. When I realized this revelation; that she knew Max…”
“I knew I wanted to save her,” I finished, countering him right back. “I owed Max quite a bit as well.”
“She would take no for an answer,” Marcus claimed. “So I introduced her to our small little group. We didn’t waste time coming up with a way to break them out. When that day came we struck.”
“I was so unprepared,” I admitted. “If you thought your aim was bad, Fatima, you should’ve checked me out.”
Marcus gave a little chuckle and continued, “What she lacked in training she more than made up for. When I witnessed her abilities for the first time, I knew she was going to be special. How she was able to head down there and free those prisoners without flinching turned the tide of battle for us. I still was freaking out as I remembered how you were shot over and over.”
“Yeah,” I answered. “It didn’t take me long until I was knocked out from the exhaustion. I’m just glad you took care of everything else.”
“To this day, everyone who was free from that encampment continues to call Scott, ‘Sis,’” Trish said, “as a token of their appreciation.”
“That, and the fact the she couldn’t decide a name for herself yet!” Sienna quipped.
Eel still was trying to connect the pieces to the puzzle. “So you successfully saved the lives of a group of slaves, yet I don’t see how that has anything to do with what’s going on now.”
“Well,” I continued, “remember when I say fate forces you into things you can’t avoid? After the big raid I became like some sort of celebrity overnight. I never tried to reveal my name to anybody. But eventually someone heard of the exploits of Scott Ryan, and through the mouths of many, my legend began to spread. My name became synonymous with revolution.”
“We did a good job hiding the fact it was her at first,” Trish explained. “She was female, so she had that going for here. Marcus, Sienna and I sent down her instructions in her stead. We basically were her mouthpieces.”
“Normally that sort of thing got old quick,” Marcus claimed, “but we were winning, and as long as we had more people coming into the fray, no one cared.”
“Eventually the rebellion was so huge that the state of Indiana wanted to get involved as well,” Sienna stated. “Indiana is my birthplace, and so with Scott’s blessing I formed my own group.”
“You’re still avoiding the question,” Eel interrupted. “Why do you keep hiding your identity?”
“Because,” I said, shaking as I nervously tried to say what I needed to say. “I…I…”
“Look,” Marcus said in my stead. “This is something I think you shouldn’t push her with. She has her own reasons, and we abide by them. It’s the least we can do. Besides, wouldn’t you think that being Scott Ryan, particularly back then, wasn’t the greatest cup of tea? The whole region was looking for her.”
“I…I’m sorry my lady,” Eel said as he bowed graciously. “I was out of line.”
“It’s okay,” I replied. “When I feel more comfortable I’ll tell you all about it.”
“I think she’s ok by me!” Silverwisp cheered. “You’re still my friend in my book!”
“You’re secret is safe with me,” Fatima assured me.
“Thanks guys,” I said, feeling a little bit at ease.
…But I wondered how much more at ease I would be if I just say it. Say the one true thing that I keep hiding from:
…I was the cause of the Wyld Purge.
Lying on my bed, pondering about today’s events, I was startled by someone knocking on my door. Getting up, I opened the door and saw Sienna standing at the entrance way.
“Can I come in?” she asked.
I moved aside as she walked on through. To my surprise she kicked the door closed and then put her hands all over my face, drawing me into a passionate kiss. I closed my eyes and for a second, I accepted it as our tongues wrestled.
Only when she pulled away did I regain my senses. “Oh, God you don’t know how much I’ve missed you. Every day apart from you is another day in agony.”
She pulled off her top, showing me her ample bosom. “I need you Scott Ryan. More than I ever had before. I was starting to sweat as she used her bushy tail and began to caress my leg, moving up slowly, sensually. I let out a gasp of pleasure.
“Does it feel good?” She teased. “You’ve been missing oh so much. I can show you so many things. I can show you how wonderful it is being a woman. Just let go.”
She really doesn’t know how much I really wanted to. I felt so much energy being piled on me. I wanted her to take me! But every time I go this far, it brings me back.
I’m not woman, I’m a man. I once had someone I really cared about. How could I betray her so?
I quickly pulled her off, practically panting in the process. Disappointed, Sienna knew what happened.
“Still thinking of her, aren’t you?” She guessed.
I really felt bad for her. Somewhere inside I shared the same feelings for her. I just couldn’t go through. Not like this.
“That wasn’t your fault, you know?” She persisted. She always persisted. But why do I feel otherwise?
“Miriam deserves better…” I said, my head hanging down in guilt.
“What about you?” She asked. “Don’t you deserve better?”
“Sienna…”
“You always seem to worry about everyone else but you never take the time to worry about yourself!” she exclaimed. “I want you to be happy! I want you to find love again! I want you to finally embrace who you are! Hell, I want have an appropriate name! I care for you! We all do! And…”
She stopped mid sentence, still trying to force it out of her. “And?”
“And I want to be with you, damn it!” She yelled with tears in her eyes. “You’re all I truly have in this world. Even after all of this. I care for Trish, I care for Marcus, I care for my rebellion, but I love you!”
I didn’t know what to say. I’ve turned her down once, and yet she still comes back to me. I loved her too, but it was hard, extremely hard. I’ve been so distant to her- to everybody. But I don’t want her to cry.
“…I’m sorry,” I pleaded. “You don’t know how hard it is. Give me time. I…”
I wanted to say I loved her. It was so difficult even I couldn’t stop from tearing up. But for her, I’ll show her my weaknesses. It was hard not to anyway- my tear ducts seem to be on auto-pilot more and more these days.
She walked up to me and held me in an embrace. It felt good just letting go, and have her be the one to take charge comforting me for a change. Just like a woman should want- to have someone to hold.
“Let’s just cuddle tonight,” she suggested. I agreed and gave her room to come lay with me in my bed. I let her hold me in her arms all night, her fluffy squirrel tail wrapped around my neck and behind my head, creating a makeshift pillow. I scratched behind her little triangle ears as I felt her breasts touching mine. Quickly I fell asleep; her warmth keeping me secure. What can I say? I love my little Fuzzball.
I just wonder if one day I can truly reciprocate those feelings.
If you came across a fork in the road, which path would you choose?
Yeah, I remembered those nights. I was alone with nowhere to go, scavenging for scraps. I suppose that was how it is, being Wyld. I thought I could get by seeing I was normal looking enough. Maybe it was the “crossdressing” look. I wasn’t much of a man anymore.
Of course I wasn’t a man at all. I was a woman, unsure of what my future held as I defiantly maintained the masculinity I had all but lost, even keeping my name- Scott Ryan. If no one asked my name I never told them. Back then however it was for different reasons. Back then I was unsure what would become of me; today I refuse to accept it.
10 years ago I changed to my current form, and since then I haven’t aged a day. It was the most painful experience in my life, physically as well as mentally. To feel my bones snap and crackle, and shift in different places was the most unbearable thing I’ve ever experienced. I could almost guarantee that pain could be even worse than pregnancy, but I’d rather not conceive and find out.
The whole moment made me wonder was why that happened. I heard that all Wyld transformations begin with a flash of light and then poof- you’re a Wyld. At the time I really couldn’t understand why that happened that way. Only later did I realize that my becoming a woman was a side effect of my power.
I turned into a Wyld right in front of my parents. The hints were there: the sustained cut I had from a broken mirror, and the fast healing, and even the peculiar look of my hand later on when it looked much more feminine than usual. Heh, guess that seven year curse thing wasn’t just superstition. I saw the duality of human nature that night, as my once calm, caring and self conscious parents were threatening me with death. Jumping out a two story window, they may have killed me if I didn’t have this ability to regenerate.
And that’s how I ended up here, in this unsavory environment, with no time to pack, and nothing more but the clothes on my back. And those clothes weren’t the most efficient things to walk about in.
All I had were baggy jeans with legs that dragged on the ground. I lost a little height from what I could see- about 2 inches. I assumed most of that came from the painful reconfiguring of my pelvic bones. My new hip bones also caused my jeans to barely hang over my narrow waist. Often times I had to keep tightening my belt to keep them from falling off. It wasn’t as if I wanted to go around wearing sagging clothes! I mean, seriously, how is that “gansta”?
To top it off was my t-shirt, while not horribly big still could be awkward to the eyes of a wandering passerby. The worst thing was the breasts. They were decent enough, a B cup, so unless I was doing some athletic activity I could get by without too much difficulty. Of course, that wasn’t the problem. The problem was most people find going braless to be immoral. And then there was the occasional cold night might bring unwanted stares from the opposite gender.
I was routinely turned away from shelters and food pantries. A lot of it was paranoia; when someone usually sees someone crossdressing it's usually is a sign that he or she was Wyld, unable to accept the recent changes which were bestowed upon them. And in my case, they’re exactly right.
With no place to go and no one to turn to staying in this town was pointless. I had to move on, but where?
I looked at my prospects. There was only one person I could turn to- my love, Miriam. During these past few weeks she headed off to college in Columbus. She was obviously the smarter, or at least the more well known of us two. Going to Ohio State is a major deal. I hope she wouldn't be like my parents, and I hope that things haven’t changed with us because I’m no longer the man I once was.
Piqua, Ohio, August 28, 2013.
I didn’t have any time to waste. One more day living in this hell would be too much to bear. I stood off the side of the road, trying to catch a ride. In a paranoid society, hitchhiking was a pain; you don’t know if the random stranger you pick up could be Wyld. The fact anyone stopped for me at all was a blessing.
A beat down old pickup truck slowed down to a halt. Rolling down the window, he asked,
“Where you heading to?”
“Columbus,” I answered, hoping that he could take me the distance.
“I’m heading that way myself,” he thankfully informed me. “Get in.”
He didn’t look like a bad guy, not that I would be so naíve to think guys couldn’t have it in them to take advantage of me. As in fact it's been one of my biggest worries ever since I became a girl. That being said, however, he had a young girl, most likely 13, in the back seat of his truck with him. She seemed to be ok; no sign of anything suspicious with her. Seeing she looked fairly upbeat I felt I could the chance. So I opened the passenger seat door and sat down.
Of course I didn’t know I would be spending the duration of this trip with an absolute brat. If I did, I may have reconsidered
“You dress funny,” she remarked.
“Sienna!” The man snapped. “You should be more polite! I’m sure she hadn’t much choice in the matter.”
She looked over to me, and stuck her tongue out, razzing me. I only knew later that she was a lesbian, and often times she would try to hide the fact by bullying or making fun of the girls she was attracted to. Right now however she was quite a pain in my ass.
A few minutes passed and my hometown of Piqua had been swallowed beyond the distant horizon. I didn't think it would take too long to reach Columbus. Of course, I didn't think about all the pit stops we would have along the way.
A few minutes passed and the man started a conversation with me. “Sorry," he said. "She kind of acts that way in front of new people. My name’s Max.”
This would normally be the I would introduce myself back, but these are tough times. Not wanting to divulge my secret, I quickly turned his attention back from the introductions to the young child. “Is that your daughter?”
“Not exactly,” he replied. “She’s the child of someone I used to know a long time back. I’m watching after her for the time being.”
Back then Sienna was as much human as any ordinary girl. Back then she could probably have been adopted to a nice human family and live a relatively normal life free from harm, but instead she clung to Max. And to this day, she fights in his honor, and embraces her Wyld form fully.
“I see,” I said. “Doesn’t it seem a little risky just letting a random stranger hitch a ride like that?”
He gave a little chuckle. “Did you want to be left there?”
“No, not really.” I replied.
“We all need helping hands once in awhile,” he explained. “Not many people think much of that these days.”
“Yeah,” I joined in his sentiment, “I’ve already experienced that the hard way.”
“Must have had it rough,” he sympathized. “No one to turn to, huh?”
“That’s kind of why I’m heading to Columbus,” I explained. “I know someone there. I just hope she’s willing to help me out.”
“I see,” Max said.
We continued on our way as we drove down the country roads. Sienna was enjoying my frustration as she was flicking rubber bands and hitting me over the head. Fan-flippin'-tastic.
Then Max had an idea that came from out of nowhere as he decided to hit me with a huge surprise. “That settles it, looks like we’ll need to go shopping.”
“What?” I cried, wondering what he was thinking.
“Well, I don’t know about you,” he continued, “but I think you might need to get a few clothes, and it wouldn’t be very appropriate for you to wear clothes that must be weeks old and doesn’t fit, at least in front of your friend.”
“I…I don’t know,” I said feeling a little cautious.
“Just trust me,” he insisted, “It would make moving in with her a little easier if she knew she didn’t have to pay an arm and a leg for a new set of clothes.”
“I…guess you’re right,” I finally admitted. I just hope this isn't a painstakingly awful as I thought it was going to be.
We arrived at a regular, run-in-the-mill department store. Max let Sienna run off to do her own thing, and meanwhile our conversation got a lot more serious.
“You weren’t born a woman, were you?” he surmised, breaking open a whole can of worms.
“I…” I was nervous as hell now, wondering what was going to happen.
“I know you’re a Wyld,” he whispered into my ear. “It’s alright.”
“How did you know?” I asked.
“Well the clothes were a clear give away,” he answered. “And normally women that look like you never seem to be lacking for attention.”
“So what now?” I wondered. “What’re you planning to do with me?”
“I’m going to buy your clothes, like I said I was,” Max replied. “Like I said we all need a helping hand once in awhile.”
I began to feel relieved as I quietly said to him, “Thanks.”
And with a warm smile he reciprocated, “No problem. Just be lucky that we can blend in.” He then stared at his hand, which was covered by a leather glove, and added, “For the most part.” Something about that phrase hinted that he may have been Wyld as well.
He quickly changed the subject as he began to eye the bras hanging on the rack.
“You’re really making yourself out to be a pervert staring at those bras with people around like that,” I chided.
“I wanted you to try one on,” he declared.
“There is no way…” I retorted, defiantly even considering such a thing.
“Look, you need to know your size,” he stated. “It doesn’t matter what you want. You’re living in their society. If you want to survive you’ll have to blend in, even if only a little bit.”
“This is way too much, Max,” I insisted, fighting as hard as can to get out of this.
“You can take the most plain looking one if you want,” he conceded, “and we’ll buy as much boy related clothing after that. Just try to adapt, just a little bit.”
I sighed, knowing I wasn’t getting anywhere arguing. I grabbed the most plain looking bra I could find and went to the fitting room to try it on.
I pulled off my shirt, revealing my chest and all of its assets in the mirror in front of me. I didn’t know what felt worse: staring at my foreign breasts in the nude or staring at them once I put the bra over them. I looked down and stared at the piece of material before me. “Hello, bra,” I said to myself, “my new sworn enemy.”
I felt like I was given in to my feminine body. The bra, the very thing was much like a symbol; the reward for the young girl who made way through her rite of passage in order to become a young woman. Now I, late as it was, felt like I was about to take that very same rite and it made me feel very uneasy. However, it this was it, the bare minimum I needed to wear to at least be seen as “normal,” then I suppose I can manage, at least when I’m out in public. And hey, at least it’ll keep those perverts at bay.
“Okay,” I continued, as I began to recall everything I was about to do in a step by step basis. “I just put one arm through heeere…and the other through heeere…and then take the straps in the back and…”
Yeah, that final part was the tricky part: clipping the hooks together from the back. I had a hard time catching them. I continued to make my attempt, trying to be as calm as possible. Of course, it’s going to get to you at some point.
“What the hell?” I screamed, “Why do they make these things so…!” Frustrated I began to wrestle around with it, twisting my body all around, making noise as a banged the walls. It probably sounded like a boxing match going on in there.
Eventually I got the damned thing on. After all the wrestling I can at least be thankful that it didn’t feel awfully bad on me.
We decided to spend the night at a hotel in the outskirts of Marysville. No, it really wasn’t too far from Columbus- just 20 miles. However Max thought it was best for me to take a little time to clean up and relax. It’s been a long while since I’ve had a nice shower, let alone sleep in a nice cozy bed.
“I thought you might need a little privacy so I rented out a separate room just for you,” Max declared. Besides, seeing you’ve just changed genders I don’t think it would be all that beneficial if I would join you. You have a lot to sort out.”
I felt really guilty of all the help he was giving me. I also began to feel a little uncomfortable. I don't know if it was paranoia or the development of my woman's intuition or whatever. I haven't been a girl long enough to even tell who was actually a gentleman or who was playing me for a fool. From what I saw he seemed okay, but it wouldn't hurt to have him reassure me, if only to put my mind at ease.
“It’s just so hard to believe you would spend so much time on someone like me,” I began. “Even the most giving people have their limits, and yet you keep giving even when I know I’m only burdening you.”
“I only wish there were more people like me,” Max stated. “Maybe if there was you wouldn’t have been living on the streets.”
“I may not be the go to source for male behavior,” I prefaced, “But half the time the only reason a man would go so far to help someone like this was if he got a little something from her later.”
“Well you were a man at one point,” He replied. “Do you really think that? Don’t tell me that you’ve gone woman and you’ve already resorted to gender stereotypes.”
“No,” I replied. “I know there are good men out there. In fact I’d like to think I was one. But I can’t help but be cautious! My whole point of view is being skewed and been driving me up the wall! No, honestly I can't see you doing anything to me, but I can't be too careful knowing I now possess certain features most boys crave.”
“Well, if it puts your mind at ease I’ll say it right now,” he began. “I’m not gonna try anything. You have my word.”
“I appreciate it,” I told him. "Please don't think that I don't trust you. These things just take time for me to figure out.”
“I know,” he empathized. “I had my own problems to face when I went Wyld. Not nearly as severe as what you’re dealing with, of course, but problems nonetheless.”
It was finally confirmed that he in fact was Wyld. I never really asked him to go into any further detail. Only later did I realize that the man who helped me when I was down and out was the legendary hero Gun.
“But now I have people I care about, and lives that depend on me," he continued. Without this I would have never met Sienna, who I love more than anything in the world right now. I had to adapt, otherwise what would have become of me?”
He was definitely a man to admire. I had a lot of respect for him. It never went any farther than that, but if there was a guy a woman could truly love, it was this one.
“Anyway, I suppose I’ve talked too much,” he digressed. “You should go clean up, and I ought to check up on Sienna.”
“Good night,” I told him as I shut the door behind him.
I made my way to the bathroom with the bag of clothes in my hand. It’s only been a few weeks since the change, and yet this was the very first time I actually took a shower as a girl. To be honest, this would be the first time I’d see myself completely nude as well. It’s not easy being hygienic when you’re homeless.
As I briefly mentioned before my mindset about being a girl was different 10 years ago. Back then I didn’t necessarily hate my body as I do now. Instead of disgust I felt confusion. Sure, going Wyld caused me to lose my parents, but it wasn’t something I blamed myself for. I can’t help what I am- it’s not like I could choose to be Wyld. I didn’t have any say in the matter. It just happened.
No, my worries were solely based on my future. I’m a woman now. My life’s been turned upside down and all the achievements I had while I was man went up in flames. I had no idea how to live as a woman. I really didn’t want to live as one to begin with.
As I turned on the water however my new womanhood only made its presence more apparent. The water from the sprinkler sprayed upon my sensitive bosom. I couldn’t help but react to it. These things were a lot more sensitive than the pecs I had as man. I never really knew how sensitive they could be until I had pair of my own. If Miriam and I can make it work and we do get back together I’ll make a better effort in trying to involve her breasts. It could at least be a consolation for the other things I no longer provide her.
I could at least take solace that I still felt something for my one true love. I could still picture her in all her beauty: The wavy auburn hair, her narrow shoulders, her silky smooth legs, her luscious lips. I still even found her more “intimate” parts about her to die for. The reaction my body gave was so much different however. I knew I was lusting over her, but instead of something growing from me I felt something growing from within. The wetness I was feeling was only making me grow more confused.
What if that doesn’t last forever? What if it’s only a matter of time until I start losing these feelings I had for her? My mind currently was in a state of confusion, but it wouldn’t be long until it finally realized that my body was woman. Would that mean that my sexual preference will change along with it?
These questions and more began to frighten me. However there was nothing I could do now. All I could do is reunite with Miriam and see how things play out.
With the shower out of the way I proceeded in finding something to sleep in. I decided it best I put on my bra now so I didn’t have to hassle with it later. Other than that my clothes were still manly where it counted. What was once a Large now was small, as my muscle mass was depleted to the point it grew too big. My pants, still male, were 4 waist sizes smaller, and 2 legs size smaller. They had to be relaxed fit, since if they too snug they would most likely restrict the movement from my new birthing hips. And of course I still had my boxer shorts. So yes, other than having to find smaller sizes I still for the most part able to get away with wearing guys clothing, even if little parts of my femininity were beginning to show itself.
Putting on a t-shirt along with sweatpants with a pair of boxers underneath, I made my way into my bedroom. I was overjoyed that at least the clothes hung securely around me. With my old worn out clothes were placed inside a plastic bag. The last vestiges of my previous life were gone as I took them outside and threw it in the dumpster.
With that out of the way I came back into the room and looked forward to snuggling up inside the bed covers. It had been so long it made appreciate the things I took for granted. That night I slept soundly for the first time in a long while.
If you came across a fork in the road, which path would you choose?
It was an early morning. I could feel the tug of my fluffy pillow.
“…no…I don’t…wanna,” I moaned, obviously not awake.
Little did I realize at the time that my “fluffy pillow” was actually Sienna’s tail, which I must’ve unconsciously laid my head upon last night while sleeping.
Sienna tugged on her tail again, trying to get me to budge. “Come on, sleepyhead,” she coaxed, “Can’t have my tail all to yourself you know?”
A little bit more aware of my surroundings I immediately realized her tail was trapped underneath the strength of my arms (they are surprisingly strong for my size, believe it or not) and released her from my grasp.
“Uh…sorry,” I apologized, a little embarrassed.
She gave me a big smile and a peck on the forehead. “It was cute watching you sleep like that. I’d normally let you cuddle with my tail for a bit, but unfortunately I have to go do what I came here for.”
“Yeah,” I began as I rubbed the dust from my eyes, “why are you here anyway?”
“In due time my beautiful vixen,” she teased. “It would be better to tell all when everyone is gathered together.”
“I guess you’re right,” I agreed. “I suppose you need to borrow my shower, hmmm?”
“Well,” she started, “We could always share showers if you wish…”
I just didn’t want to get involved at the moment. This whole week felt like it revolved entirely around me, like some force was trying to prod me out from my comfort zone. And who knows? It might be working, but it wears you out mentally. I really just want to focus on something else besides myself right now, because right now it’s all getting a little overwhelming.
“I think I’ll pass,” I told her, much to her disappointment. Still, she knew not to push, just shrugged her shoulders.
“I’ll be quick then,” she said as she headed over to my bathroom. Her gait was much more seductive than usual, walking as if she was letting me know just what I was missing.
And yes it did annoy me, because now I knew this wasn’t just my life I’m affecting. Whether I like it or not Sienna is involved. These past few years she could have moved on and found someone else, but she’s so infatuated with me, and every day I don’t resolve these issues only makes it worse for the both of us. And it pains me she’s loyal to a fault. Maybe it’s because I did save her life, or maybe it’s because I helped her pick up the pieces from her torn past and move forward. Maybe she sees the same thing that happened to her within me, and this all is her desperate attempt to help me reclaim a life of my own.
More than anything else I too want to be the quirky, upbeat little fuzzball that I had near my presence. I just didn’t know where to begin.
We made our way into City Hall. It was in the process of getting made over, and most of Ian’s day was spent going over blueprints for the remodel. I suppose there is a certain truth from an old saying: if you want to earn the part you got to be the part. Toledo was no longer some second rate town; it was literally a state capitol.
Ian spent the past few days hoping to convince me why he's wanting to do all this. First, because of the amount of people employed in order to run the nation’s operations soundly, and two, aesthetics do bring a certain amount of legitimacy within the nation. Even today, people still recognize the White House, even if its role is diminished. I guess I could see his point. While I don’t expect us to go overboard like Doge Giovanni would, for example, perhaps some minor improvements could prove useful.
...Not that I'm easy to persuade, mind you.
In any event, I was sure that all the planning was getting stressful for Ian; I could see it in his eyes. I’m sure he’d appreciate our arrival there.
“Hey there,” he greeted as Sienna and I made our way up the stairs.
“Hi, other Scott!” Sienna said. I gave her a little nudge as a sign to knock it off. I’d rather she not blow Ian’s cover.
“Come in!” he insisted. I couldn’t help but agree. It was a sunny autumn day, and even though my regeneration powers are rather effective, it still can’t protect me from the occasional sunburn.
We made our way into the conference room and it seemed like there were a few people already there waiting for us. Trish arrived early, and was already sitting down in as walked through the dual doors. She couldn’t help but smirk a little, and I assumed she thought something went on between Sienna and I last night. I just shook my head. C’mon, Trish.
Also in attendance was Sadiq, and Fatima. The last few days Ian promoted him as “Director of Muslim Related Issues.” He would be in charge of addressing Muslim complaints directly to Ian, who would then together try to resolve the issue in the best possible manner. Fatima, on the other hand, most likely was there just because I was, and didn’t wanna miss the moment.
Also present was Silverwisp, who stepped down from her role as Captain, and accepted the role as the “Director of National Ecological Issues.” I’m sure though her expertise on military tactics could still prove useful.
Lastly, there were Sienna’s travel companions Brick and Jade. I’ve heard some stories about these guys. They were the one’s Sienna trusted most. Sienna treats Jade like I would treat Trish, as a very close, almost sisterly like friendship. Brick, as much of a cynic he may be, has a good heart as well. Hell, I can understand his dry humor. I heard that before he went Wyld he was actually an expert carpenter. Talk about irony.
“Took you long enough!” Brick yelled in disgust. “While you were taking your sweet little time getting over here I was being bombarded with all these questions and blueprints! One more and I might have snapped.”
“You did snap,” Jade reminded him. “As in fact you dropped a floating brick on a construction worker’s head. I believe he may have had to have stitches.”
“Well, he should’ve been wearing his hard hat!” He retorted. “What do they teach these kids these days!?”
“…Anyway,” Ian said, trying to move the conversation along to something a little more productive, “Miss Sienna, is that right? I believe you had a problem that needs solving yes?”
“Right,” she replied. “As you know both Scott and I broke from the same group. She remained in the Ohio region and I formed a group over in Indiana.”
“Continue,” Ian urged her.
“Well, we were sort of in the same situation,” She began, “except our battle was taking place out west in the city of West Lafayette. From intel we’ve been receiving there were a lot of confusion and disorganization going on with the Confederate military stationed in the area. We felt that would be the perfect opportunity to strike.”
“What happened then?” I asked, obviously concerned.
“Well we went in,” She answered rather bluntly, “but once we were in battle we realized this wasn’t any ordinary fight.”
“If it was the military, it would’ve been quite easy,” Brick interjected. He began wincing as he lowered his head. “But…that...”
“The soldiers weren’t disorganized,” Jade helped fill in the blanks. “They were unstable.”
“We just marched into the eye of the storm,” Sienna continued. “They could see us from a mile away, but they didn’t seem to care. Instead, there they were, shooting each other, painting their faces with their own blood.”
“Not just them,” Brick continued. “But civilians, all of them going headstrong into the fray, killing each other, even going so far as to eat each other’s remains…”
This didn’t seem plausible. What could force someone to do that, let alone an entire population?
“It didn’t stop there,” Sienna stated. “Soon our own men and women were affected, and the results were cataclysmic. To have to put down some of our own...” I could see she was trying to hold back tears, but to no avail. Even in my calloused state, I couldn’t help but reach over to her and hug her.
“This was the first occurrence,” Jade continued. “Eventually it claimed Kokomo and Gas City. There seems to be a pattern with this, and it’s continuing to march east. We predict it might hit Fort Wayne next.”
“Fort Wayne,” Trish repeated, “That’s not even a hundred miles from our location.”
“Which is why we brought this information to you,” Sienna said as she pulled her head out from over my shoulder. “This is a major deal, for all of us. Please, help us.”
This was my country. I fought tooth and nail to finally claim a place I could call my own. But after that my abilities no longer had any purpose. Ian was much better with words than I could ever be. If I needed to get my point across I would do it in a manner a little less than tactful.
And it bothered me. Everyone seemed to have a life beyond war. They had places for them. Meanwhile all I knew was war. That was my specialty; the only thing I was useful for, and all this inactivity began to wear on me. All it allowed me was more time to think, and with the past I had thinking was something I’d rather not do. Truth was I needed to keep busy. Any more free time might drive me crazy.
The irony now, however, was that now my profession, the very thing that keeps my mind occupied, and the very past I dreaded to think about would finally cross paths. I kept telling myself it was bound to happen eventually. The madness, the insanity; these incidents reminded me of a lot of Columbus, and the Wyld Purge.
It still keeps me up at night. I could almost stake my life that a certain someone somehow was involved in this. And although my fear was monumental, I was hoping and pleading to find a way to resolve these issues in my life once and for all. Somehow fate gave me a starting point. How can I turn my back on it?
Whatever this unusual “energy,” or whatever, was attempting to do, I would have none of it. It ends here. I will not have another Columbus, no matter what the cause.
“I’m going,” I answered with a steadfast resolve that even I was surprised I had in me.
“You will?” Sienna asked, staring at me with those big, blue, puppy dog eyes.
“You’re my friend,” I replied, “and this seems all too familiar to be mere coincidence. We need to find out what’s going on, for our new nation, and for those about to be infected by it.”
“You mean Columbus?” She assumed.
“Yeah,” I confirmed, as I sighed at how uncanny this whole thing was becoming.
“I’ll come too!” I heard Fatima yell in the background.
“Fatima,” Sadiq said in a rather concerned fashion.
“I’ll be fine, brother,” She assured him. “I want to go out, and seek my own path. I trust Scott and her friends. I will be all right.”
“Well,” Trish interjected, “I guess the “Three Sisters” will be reunited once again. I better grab my superhero cape!”
“I can spare a decent amount of troops to assist you on the mission,” Ian told us. “I wish I could be of further assistance, but I believe you guys will be alright. I know who you’re working with, after all.”
“You better come back with some great news!” Silverwisp added.
“Don’t worry,” Jade assured her, “Our group is just as formidable. With all the additional firepower, I don’t think Fort Wayne will be difficult to capture.”
“Thanks, guys!” Sienna cried as her sorrow turned to elation. “I knew I could count on you!”
“Why!? Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Stop! We can work this out!”
“Work things out? You’re a Wyld! You’ve perverted everything I believed in!”
“Stop it! She hasn’t done anything to you! Set the gun down and we’ll talk!”
“And you! Miriam! You’re my sister! After all I’ve done for you! Why would you allowed such a…a thing to live with you?”
“Because I love her! And regardless of what she is I still care for her! And somewhere deep inside I believe you still care for her too!”
“…Uuurrraaagghh! Enough of this! She’s just tricking you! Yes…tricking us! That’s what they do! My superiors were right! Wyld should be eliminated!”
“Eliminated? I don’t even think General McCaig has gone as far as that!”
“Shut up…shut up, SHUT UP! Damn it Miriam, can’t you see? Your love has been dead ever since the day she was born! All that’s left is this…whore! And if you can’t see it, then I’ll hafta remove her for you!”
“NO!!!!”
*(Gun fires)*
“Miriam!”
“…My…My God. What have I? No…Miriam!”
...If only I would’ve stayed away from her. I could have lived anywhere. I was human enough. I could’ve traveled to Cascadia, or Japan. Be free. Pick up the pieces of my life and life a relatively normal life. Hell, maybe I could’ve embraced, and even love, being a woman. But I chose the most selfish action. I went to Miriam. I wanted her. I needed her. She was all I had left of my male self. And I should’ve known her brother would’ve eventually found out. But, did I know he was a Confederate Soldier? Did I know him at all? Why does it all seem so vague? Even throughout my male life, I couldn’t recollect anybody like him. And yet, this felt like the very first appearance.
I had this dream for a long while, almost on a nightly basis. But this was the first time it was retold in such a descriptive manner. Whatever the case was, soon we would meet again. And this time, all would be settled. Fate has dictated such.
If you came across a fork in the road, which path would you choose?
Columbus, Ohio, August 29, 2013.
I waved goodbye to my new friends. Max was a good man, and in times like these, those were few and far between. It was a damn shame I would never reunite with him. Not that I was smitten with him or anything! Though I guess I could be lucky that the first man I ever got to know as a girl was at least a pleasant one.
Even Sienna, although still quite the brat, was beginning to grow on me as well. By the time I left her behavior was no longer irritating but instead rather cute. Was that my motherly instincts and feelings showing themselves? I didn’t know, and didn’t want to spend my time thinking about it.
They wanted to remain there for me, just in case it didn’t turn out the best when I finally knocked on the door and greet my one time lover. I was confident she wouldn’t reject me, however. I knew her, and while my becoming a woman would be hard on her (hell it was hard enough on me as it was!), she wouldn’t let me down. I could feel it.
Driving off, I was left alone, separated by a single front door. Even as a freshman in college, Miriam was very well off. Her relatives were widely renowned, for better or worse. She never told me much more about them though.
As a result, she lived in her own house, paid for and everything. It was amazing that at one point in time she fell for the humdrum middle to lower class male that was me. It made me happy she did. Now I hope she can accept the homeless newly minted Wyld female I just recently became.
I rang the doorbell, praying she was home. It was a weekend; no classes were available and no parties to go to in the middle of the afternoon. It would be kind of awkward to be standing there after I shooed Max away.
Luckily she was home, and as the door opened she stood there, looking as stunning to my eyes as she always has.
The times we had back as a man began to come flooding back to me. Unfortunately that bubble burst as she failed to recognize her former boyfriend.
“Can I help you?” She asked, much to my disappointment.
“Miriam,” I said. “It’s me, you remember. Scott Ryan?”
“Scott?” she replied, obviously confused. “But you’re a-“
“A girl?” I finished for her. “I went Wyld. It’s a long story, and I’d rather not be standing out here talking about it. Can I come in?”
Dumbfounded, Miriam moved aside and granted me permission to step inside. This was going to be quite the discussion, obviously one I didn’t really want to have.
I sat down at her table as she looked me over, not sure what to think. She was having a hard time accepting this. I know I would if I was in her situation.
“How can I tell that you’re really him?” She said. “I mean, when I look at you, I don’t see anything that reminds me of him.”
Ouch, that stung. I should’ve been prepared for that however. Even in my female form, I didn’t have a whole lot of my mother’s looks, which meant I still took after my father. But even so, you would think there would still be some physical indicators.
I had to come up with a story. Something deep and intimate; an experience that I knew we couldn’t forget.
I still had some of my male instincts it seemed. The first thing I thought of was perhaps the most intimate experience I could recall.
“You remember the night about a month ago?” I asked. “When we finally…you know. Did it?”
She looked at me, kind of disturbed how easily I could just throw it out there into the open. Either way I continued.
“It was the day we both lost our virginity,” I continued. “You didn’t want it to be some typical make out scenario, where we were in the back seat of my car, or in secret hiding in a closet in school. You were more refined than that!”
Her face was beet red at this point, but I had to continue, “So you took your mother’s credit card and rented out a 5-star hotel out by the mall.”
“She never let me out from that one,” she added. Luckily, as I said before, she was loaded.
“You remember those words, Mir?” I asked. “What you said before our big moment?”
This was the point I wanted her to remember. And together we both recited these words aloud.
“That no matter what the circumstances, we were one. No matter where we go, or what we become we will always find each other. For you’re the yang to my yin, the love of my life, and through this, the loss of our virginity, is proof our union is justified.”
She looked at me with tears in her eyes. I convinced her, but now felt guilty that she had to see me as this.
“I knew you went Wyld,” she admitted to me. “It was that very night. The flash of light, while you were asleep. It seemed like nothing major happened so I didn’t about it, but this…”
“You knew?” I asked, a little surprised.
“Yes, Scott,” She repeated. “So…what is it? Your power?”
“I’m not entirely sure,” I replied. “It seems like I can heal really fast, but for some reason my healing turned me into…well, this.”
“Do you still call yourself Scott now?” She asked. “Do you go by something else?”
“I haven’t thought about it,” I confirmed. “Scott is fine for now, at least if it’s just between us.”
I looked at her and could feel her disappointment, as if she had lost somebody important from her life forever. I grasped her hand and I adamantly stated, “I swear I won’t be like this forever, Mir. I’ll do everything in my power to become my old self again. I will be the man you love once again. This I promise you.”
She pulled away, still having a hard time getting over such a predicament. She felt it best to change subjects. “I have a guest bedroom down the hall. It’s yours now. Help yourself to it. You can stay here as long as you want. I don’t plan on going anywhere tonight, and after all this, I don’t think I could.”
“Thanks, Mir,” I said. I wanted to embrace her so bad, but I felt like it would only make things more awkward. With the very few bags I had along with me I made my way down the hall and began to settle in.
Be thankful for small blessings. I slept in my new bed, and much like might night at the hotel, it was rather comfortable in nature, even though it was relatively girly. It didn’t really matter however- at this point I kind of fit the part.
I wasn’t exactly expecting what Miriam brought me the next day. She opened the door without warning, startling me awake.
“Good morning, Scott,” she began as she held a bunch of clothes in her hands. Setting them down on the foot of my bed, I could already distinguish that they were in fact made just for women, from the shirt down to the panties.
“I saw you didn’t have much for clothing,” she stated. “So I figured I’d help out just a little bit. I hope you don’t mind.”
I was kind of speechless. Talk about pushing me into my femininity. “Uh…Mir,” I began. “I’m not real comfortable wearing all of that.”
“Why not?” she asked. “You seem to be ok with wearing a bra.”
“I kind of do it begrudgingly,” I replied, shrugging my shoulders. “I don’t want to bring suspicion against myself.”
“And this is for the same reason,” she declared. “I don’t want you to get in trouble for being Wyld. I know it hurts, but you’ll hafta play the part.” She then threw off my covers. “Now let me see the legs!”
I didn’t know why, but I felt kind of embarrassed. It was the first time I’ve shown them to anyone, and being man in spirit, I never bothered to shave them when I had the opportunity, which was never. As a result, and due to my regeneration, it was a forest down there.
“Come here!” she ordered as she pulled me out of my bed and into the bathroom. As she turned on the faucet and filled the bathtub with water she searched the cupboard for a bottle of strawberry scented shaving foam. I used to like the smell when it was on Miriam. Now I would have the unwanted pleasure of smelling it on the leg I owned.
A good hour into my radical transformation and I became a whole new woman. I soaked effortlessly inside the bathwater, the wash sent me to a state of euphoria. I really don’t know how she got me to do this so effortlessly.
She left me alone as she allowed me to soak in the bathtub. My eyes closed, all I could think of was the scent of strawberries. It was quickly becoming my favorite fruit. It reminded me of her, the woman who I was so thankful was with me at this very moment. If she needed me to be a woman, albeit temporarily, then I would. Like I said, I would do anything for her.
Of course, these trials were happening rather fast. As I stood naked I saw the clothing staring behind me. It amazed me that I was now at Miriam’s height. 2 inches was more than I would’ve realized, and my body, with its perfect hourglass figure only made getting into her clothes that much easier.
That was the easy part. The more difficult trial I had laying before me was to actually swallow my pride and put it on me. It’s easy when Miriam force me. This was now my decision, and not one I could make lightly. I did have to appreciate her compromising behavior however. Most of these shirts were old t-shirts from concerts we used to frequent when we were younger, only instead of male shirts they were female, which sort of clung around my body, accentuating my curves. I suppose I can live with that, I thought to myself. At least I could be casual, which was a plus. I’m just glad she wasn’t some crazy woman, trying to forcibly feminize me. I at least want to make that decision, if I wanted to go full time girl.
Oddly enough, everything, from wearing the panties to the tight jeans, felt not only good, but right. Even looking at myself I couldn’t help but appreciate the body I had acquired. I wanted to show Miriam and see how she felt. I just hope she didn’t think I looked better in these clothes than she did!
Yet for some reason she wasn’t around. It wasn’t really a big place, but for some reason even now I could help but feel lost in it. I walked down the halls, shouting Miriam’s name. Could she have gone out for a bit? That seemed a little sudden.
I heard the sound of the door knocking. Perhaps my intuition was right. She must’ve locked herself out or something, I thought. I made my way to foyer to open the door to let her in.
Yet who awaited me wasn’t Miriam at all. Rather, it was a man, well built and towering in stature, at least to me.
“Hey there,” he said, obviously surprised that there’s someone else here answering the door for him. “My name’s Jackson. I’m Miriam’s brother. I don’t suppose she’s available?”
If you came across a fork in the road, which path would you choose?
Gets so cold in Shiloh Town, birds can hardly sing
Pretty girls gonna leave the town, won’t be back till spring
War’s done and they come back home, but they’re the ones who lost
See a man and a woman alone, was it worth the cost?
I’ll sing hallelujah, you’ll sing hallelujah,
We’ll all say hallelujah, when they arrive at home.
From Tim Hardin, “Nine” ©1973 Antilles Records
Surprising what you can find in an old military vehicle. This time it was a CD. The song apparently 50 years old and yet its meaning is as crystal clear as it was back then. Of course, back then it was Vietnam. This feels a whole lot worse. Maybe it’s because I’m in the middle of it, I don’t know. Maybe I’m both the man and woman, alone. I thought by being this rebel I could still find meaning in my life. But like the lyrics stated, I can honestly say, personally, the cost wasn’t worth it. I’m still the same miserable wreck that I was 10 years ago.
Meanwhile, Fort Wayne was calling. Perhaps with all the confusion we could add another major city into our growing nation. That was the plan anyway. But for me, however that wasn’t my goal; it was just the proverbial icing on the cake. My goal was to find answers. The recent attacks were eerily familiar to Columbus. Something was trying to recreate the Wyld Purge, slowly, surely. I almost felt like someone was drawing me out. But there’s a fine line between caution and nervousness, and I’ve prepared myself, just in case.
“There it is,” Sienna cried pointing off into the distance. And it was easy to spot. The smoke rose into the atmosphere. We knew this “madness” finally hit them. This wasn’t going to be easy.
“Be prepared,” Sienna told me, “This is gonna be ugly.”
She didn’t have to tell me. I’ve already lived through this once.
The riots were out in full force. Civilians attacking civilians, soldiers attacking soldiers, no rhyme or reason to it. Back then I thought the citizens fought each other because they assumed their opponent was Wyld. Now I could see that that wasn’t the case at all. And the worst part of it was Jackson took advantage of the situation.
Finding a relatively open space within the city Jade immediately jumped out of her vehicle, and struck her fist upon the ground below. The tendrils shot out from her hands, causing the ground to crack as branches, thorns and shroud shot up from the surface, elevating our position. Brick doubled up on the defenses, quickly constructing additional walls out of brick and mortar. This would’ve been quite useful when we took Toledo, I couldn’t help but think to myself.
Together, along with Fatima and Trish, we quickly dug in and prepare for the chaos that was approaching us.
“Okay everyone!” Sienna shouted. We need to outlast this! Try not to kill anyone if you can help it!”
“Oh, that’ll be sooo simple!” The cynical Brick retorted. “I’ll just get right on that!”
I loaded my gun. “This will not be another Columbus!” I affirmed to myself. It was my hope I didn’t have to use it.
“Here they come!” Trish yelled as the mindless horde began to scamper up the trunk of our newly constructed tree fort. It was inevitable we’d have to engage with civilians. The majority of our munitions reflected that: Tasers, Flashbang Grenades; even my gun was filled with rubber bullets. I don’t know how much that’ll stop crazy though. Plus, lethal or not, it pained me to cause pain to what was otherwise normal human beings.
We opened fire, doing what we could to prevent unnecessary injury, however difficult that may be. A simple blast from a Flashbang could cause a civilian to fall from quite a height. Jade did her best to soften their impact, as many of the victims landed gently on the feathery petals of giant sized flower blooms. Sadly, most of our powers weren’t made for precautionary measures.
I looked at my teammates to see how they were faring. Immediately my eyes focused on the overly active Brick. “HA-DOUK-KEN!” He screamed as he magically unleashed a brick from his hand, knocking another mind warped civilian unconscious. Is there any time Brick acts serious?
To his left was Fatima. She obviously has been working on her shot during our time off. I was proud to see she’s gotten comfortable with her firearm. It’s not easy to just pick up a gun and fire it at someone. I know, my first kill was an emotional experience. But now she’s a natural. Of course, firing non-lethal rounds might make firing one a little easier on your conscious.
This was getting nowhere. We’ve been stuck here for a good half hour and we haven’t gotten anywhere. Trish, however, seemed to have a plan.
“Hey, Jade,” She called to her, “Do you have a problem if you could assist me just a teensy bit?”
“What did you have in mind?” She wondered.
“I’ve never had the opportunity to do this before,” She said as she touched the young Plant Wyld. Suddenly I could see she transferred her nanomachines into her. A devious smile came on Jade’s face, as she almost knew exactly what Trish wanted to do.
Combining powers, Jade unleashed them, growing a gigantic flower. The petals unfolded, releasing powerful pollen mixed with Trish’s nanomachines. Anyone within the area was incapacitated instantly.
“Man, why didn’t we join forces earlier?” Sienna asked, impressed by our combined efforts.
It was weird. Even with the defenses we had, I would’ve expected droves of people endless trying to make their way up the walls and branches. But, it was surprisingly quiet, and there were very few incapacitated bodies amongst the field.
“What’s wrong?” Fatima asked.
“Something isn’t right,” I answered. Holding my gun in my hand I told her, “I’ll be back.”
I jumped over the brick wall and down the branches to the town below. I wanted answers, even if I had to go out to get them.
I continued to walked the streets. With every step forward I took another person slowly made his or her way out from behind the shadows. They weren't charging after me like rabid dogs surprisingly enough. They just walked slowly, eerily. It was almost creepy how the civilians were staring at me, as if I was the only thing in the world. Stay calm I told myself. However in reality I could almost scream.
Slowly, like zombies they closed in. My nerves were beginning to fail me. I pulled out my sidearm, and unlike my other guns this one carried lethal rounds. I seriously didn’t want to kill recklessly. Aside from whatever mind fuck was going on with them, these were normal, everyday people. But it was getting harder and harder not to.
“Stay away!” I said in a panic. In hindsight maybe I shouldn’t have jumped over the walls. But they kept going closer. “Damnit! Please don’t make me do this!”
“Murderer,” I heard from one of the victims.
“What!?” I cried, surprised at what I heard.
“Murderer,” another said.
“What the hell do you know?” I cried.
“Liar, Temptress,” I heard amongst the crowd.
“Temptress!?” I repeated, shocked. “What the hell do you mean by that!?”
“Alone. Alone. Alone.” They chanted over and over and over, forcing me to cover my ears, dropping to the ground from all the mental anguish.
“Stop it!” I demanded. “STOP IT!”
Suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder. I flinched and pointed my gun at her, only to realize I almost pulled the trigger on my friend, Trish.
“Whoa!” she exclaimed as I lowered my firearm. “Are you okay?”
My heart skipped a couple beats. “…I’m okay,” I fibbed.
“We followed your lead,” Trish said. “It seems like everyone has returned to normal.”
I couldn’t believe it! “How can that be?” I cried in surprise. “Just a second ago I-“
Yet looking around there was no one there. What the hell?
“Are you sure you’re ok?” Trish asked again. I just stood in silence. Putting her hand around my shoulder she began to guide me back to the others. “Come on, sis.”
Our forces were now in town in full force as a motorcade of vehicles carrying various troops began rolling into the scene. Sienna was as giddy as a school girl, and she couldn’t help but glomp me as I made my presence known.
“This is the best type of victory!” she cheered.
“Huh?” I couldn’t help but wonder.
“The Confederates snapped out of their psychosis with their pants down,” Brick so kindly informed me. “Hard to assemble when you’re thrown into chaos.”
“Made it easy to surround them and force their surrender,” Jade added. “We won with barely any casualties from either side.”
“So, my lovely lady,” Sienna said while giving me a peck on the cheek. “This is the best type of victory.”
I wanted to agree with her, but something just didn’t make sense. This was too easy. And those words were haunting me. I couldn’t help but shake the feeling that this wasn’t even the tip of the iceberg.
Home, sweet home. 5 days I spent out on the field, and I sure could use the respite. I don’t know what to make of my experience. It was too weird, too easy. That was not what I experienced in Columbus. Not even close.
Liar! Temptress! Murderer!
I didn’t understand. Was that a figment of my imagination? And what did they mean by temptress? I’ve never loved anyone in my life…at least as girl. All I loved was Miriam, and even if I would have felt something for someone else, I wouldn’t have forced myself on him. I don’t think I could ever behave in such a manner.
Alone…Alone…Alone…
Alone…what I wouldn’t give for someone, anyone for me to be with.
I returned to the bathroom. I felt like a mess; my mind a little woozy. My body didn’t share the sentiment however. It was always perfect, no matter how stressed or tired or messed up I was. It was always there, flawless, succulent...beautiful.
You are a flower ready to bloom. So much pain…why do you keep it to yourself?
Why didn’t I have anyone anyway? I asked myself. Look at me! I’m a knockout! Maybe if I strut my stuff once in awhile I might have something! Temptress? Ha! Why exactly would that be a bad thing? Perhaps if I was a temptress I might have someone to finally rid me of my loneliness.
“You are one sexy mama,” I said aloud to my reflection.
Indeed… No man could resist... Why do you?
I cupped my breasts as I jiggled them playfully. “Hmmm…these clothes seem to be getting in the way. I oughta do something about that.”
I stripped into my birthday suit, looking at myself seductively. “That’s so much better,” I commented. “Who could say no to this? Hmmm?” I rubbed my hand up from my crotch and in between my cleavage, finishing by putting a finger on the tip of my tongue.
“It’s quite a shame,” I continued, “that I have no one here to share myself with.” I sensually walked over to the tub and turned on the faucet. My mind felt similar to that night after I met Kami. But this was different. It almost was forced. But I wanted it. I needed it!
Yes…let go…give in to your true desires. Let go and I will show you the one worthy of your affections.
And this time my mind truly gave me a target for my oncoming lust. He wasn’t the most athletic of males. Actually he was rather lean in nature. I never thought of him in this way, but something in me clicked. His eyes, his face, his voice. He was so…sexy. Maybe there was more than just one reason I rescued him after all. Maybe that thing hid within his pants!
I couldn’t help but finger myself, imagining him, his member, penetrating me. I was filled with lust. God! It was like I could recollect a time I experienced something like this! Without any discretion I began to moan loud and proud. I could feel the fluids building. I could feel my cup runneth over, and with one scream I yelled his name:
“Ian!”
I laid there immersed in my afterglow. There was no guilt, no regret, just euphoria. I smiled, but yet, I felt incomplete.
Why stop there? Why not go all the way? It’s your nature…indulge in it…
I needed more…MORE! Until he was truly inside of me!
I looked at the green dress hanging on the towel rack in front of me. I haven’t moved it since the meeting. Now it looks like I’ll have another use for it after all…
I made my way up the stairs of the presidential office in my high heels, dressed in my beautiful emerald attire. I was so foolish back then, wearing this dress, acting awkward as if I hated it. I LOVED it. I wish I could wear this dress every day! It made me! How could I not want to accentuate all my feminine curves?
I didn’t even bother knocking. It was after midnight, and he’s the only one working this late at night. His guards were so kind letting me through without much fuss. Kinda cute too, but my target was beyond the office doors. Figured I’d sneak in and surprise him.
“Uh…Scott?” He stuttered, obviously a little intimidated by my sultry presence.
“Hello, Ian,” I said seductively. “You seemed to have been busy lately. Perhaps you could use a little pick-me up.”
He could help but feel uncomfortable. It must be my confidence; my blossoming femininity overpowering him. I grabbed a hold of his tie and pulled him closer.
“This is different,” he claimed, “especially for you. What’s going on, Scott?”
“Please,” I insisted as I began to breathe heavily down his neck, “call me Saoirse.”
Saoirse. That sounded familiar, like I’ve met someone with that name before. I couldn’t remember, but I liked it. It just fit me. It meant freedom. Tonight, I was free.
I couldn’t help but feel giddy with excitement, yet something within the lace of my panty hose stocking was kind of prodding me. It felt cold…and sharp. It must be my imagination. Yeah. I’m sure it’s just nerves. I’m not used to wearing this stuff anyway, but that’s okay. Anything to please my man, right?
If you came across a fork in the road, which path would you choose?
“Do you know what it’s like, Ian?” I whispered to his ear. “Just to one day have your masculinity replaced with a vagina within the span of a few seconds? Something so foreign, so unnatural?”
I pushed him onto his office desk as I jumped on him, wearing his tie on my head like a bandanna.
“10 years Ian,” I continued. “10 years have I went been this. So hard have I tried to restrain myself. All these feelings, emotionally and…physically. Do you know how much torture that is? The mind may be willing, Ian. Willing to restrain myself as long as I can, but the body is weak. No matter how much I try, I need release!”
“Scott…this isn’t you!” He cried. “You must’ve been infected! Get a hold of yourself!”
“Infected?” I quizzically repeated. “No, I am enlightened! I understand now. I can’t be something I’m not, Ian! I can only be what nature tells me to be! And it tells me I want this! And who am I to say no?”
“No you don’t,” he insisted. “You’ve never had anything for me! Probably not for any man, to be honest!”
“And now I see the errors of my ways!” I ecstatically replied. “Now that I’m looking at you through a different color lens, I can finally see. You are one HELL of a hottie!”
He was getting very flustered, trying anything to keep me from going through with this. He wasn’t winning though. I just knew that he wanted this just as much as I did.
“What about Sienna?” He asked, still trying to wiggle out from underneath me. “I know you care about her!”
“What can she give me that you can’t, hmmm?” I gasped. “I don’t need some woman…I need YOU!” I ripped open his button up shirt. “Now shut up and get over here!”
My mind was like glue. It was almost as if I wasn’t in control of my actions as I began force his lips onto mine, kissing him maniacally. Why didn’t I feel anything? What was going on? No, I just needed to keep trying!
What I didn’t see however was the swing of his desk lamp as he picked it up and immediately smacked me in the face with it, forcing me off of him and onto the ground below.
I stood up, looking at him stunned as I saw the blood running down my nose. Why? I asked myself. What was wrong with me? What did I have that he didn’t want?
He the same…the same as everyone else. He doesn’t love you…no one loves you.
“Why?!” I screamed. “Why don’t you love me!” The tears streamed down my face, unable to shut them at this point.
“Scott…” he said sympathizing with me. “You need help, c’mon.”
He will never help you now. There is only one thing scum like this can do…
I reached under my pantyhose and slowly pulled out that “sharp object” I thought I imagined earlier.
DIE!
With all my rage I charged at Ian with a knife in hand. If he can’t love me, he can’t love ANYBODY!
“Jesus Christ!” Ian yelled as he evaded me. “Stop!”
But I didn’t listen to him, as I wailed my battle cry and made another attempt at slashing his throat. Again he dodged. He was surprising agile for a normally inactive individual. He tried to hinder my advance, throwing coffee mugs, staplers, pillows and frames; whatever he could get a hold of. But nothing would stop me…nothing except…
He occupied me enough to pull a gun out from his desk. “Scott! Settle down! Please, don’t make me shoot you!”
Words were unintelligible at this point. With seething teeth and bloodshot eyes, I leaped at him.
He wasn’t afraid though. He unloaded a round, hitting my face. He must’ve done major damage because in an instant I was out.
August 30, 2011
I had a hard time looking up at his face. He was I would say a good six inches taller than me. I never felt so short in my life looking at him. I almost felt intimidated by his presence. I don’t think I ever gotten used to being short, particularly since I’ve lost 2 inches since I became a woman.
“Like what you see?” He teased. Apparently he assumed I was staring at him as if I thought he was hot. That thought only made me upset to my stomach. I was about to give him a piece of my mind, but fortunately for him Miriam appeared.
“Oh my God!” She yelled in joy. “Jacks!”
She proceeded to run over and give him a big hug. “How are you? I’ve missed you so much!”
He smiled at her as he let go. “I’ve been fine. I’m off on leave right now, and I my first thought was to come down to Columbus and say hello to the greatest sister in the whole world!”
“You’re so sweet,” She responded.
The conversation turned to me. “So,” Jackson began, “Are you going to introduce me to your lovely friend here?”
He put me on the spot. Telling him my real name would be a good idea. I don’t even know him! And I’ve never even thought about changing my name!
“Her name is Saoirse,” Miriam replied for me. “She’s my roommate.”
Saoirse? Why did you have to pick a peculiar name? Why not Stacy or Sara or something? If I had to have a female name, why not pick one I could at least spell?
“Saoirse, huh?” He said. “Quite exotic. I hafta say, little sis, you sure know how to pick your roommates.” He followed that by playfully growling at me. I just wanted to punch his face.
“Well, let’s go into the family room,” Miriam suggested. He didn’t have to be asked twice as he made his way over. Meanwhile I had a little chat with my girlfriend.
“Saoirse?” I whispered.
“Yep,” She replied. “Looked like you needed a little hand finding a name for yourself. You just scream Irish after all.”
“I’m not really…comfortable, being around him,” I admitted.
“Nonsense,” she stated. “He’s a very nice guy. You’re just not used to being hit on as a girl yet.”
“I’d rather never get used to it,” I quipped.
“Well, for the time being,” she replied, “you’re gonna have to. That’s just something a girl has to live with.”
Yeah. Fine. But I really didn’t appreciate her carefree attitude towards it.
I had a seat on the couch adjacent to Jackson.
“I’m gonna grab a few drinks,” Miriam stated.
“If you have a beer I’d take it,” Jackson replied. Yes in a world where Ohio isn’t a part of the United States the drinking age was lower. Not that it mattered; Jackson was 25.
“Sersh?” she asked staring at my direction. It took me a few seconds to realize she was referring to me. Geez, I was just christened Saoirse, and now you’re using nicknames?
“Oh…uh,” I stuttered, “I can handle a beer too.”
“Okay,” Miriam confirmed. “I’ll be right back.”
Mir, I thought to myself, please don’t take too long. I really don’t wanna be around him longer than necessary.
“So,” Jackson began, breaking the silence, “how did you meet Mir?”
“Uh,” I said. Oh God, 20 questions, and I had to watch what I say. “I went to school with her,” I replied. It could still make a viable answer, right?
“Huh,” he continued. “Strange. I don’t think I’ve ever noticed you there before.”
He’s been to our school? Why didn’t I know that? “Um,” I began, trying to come up with a counter argument, “I wasn’t there all that long, but we kept in touch!”
“I see,” he said. I hoped that was enough to shut him up.
Silence filled the room, but apparently that was enough to get him to change subjects.
“We got off on the wrong foot, haven’t we?” he assumed.
“Huh, what?” I replied, wondering what he’s getting at.
“You’re not into flirting, are you?” He answered. “I’m sorry…it’s just, that, you’re so beautiful.”
I didn’t know if I should be appalled or appreciative, but regardless of how many sweet little nothings he spouted I wasn’t gonna bite, damnit.
“Look,” He continued. “With the job I have, I don’t have time to get involved with any relationships. It gets kind of lonely sometimes. If you don’t have any issues, I’d like to take you out, if you don’t mind.”
My jaw dropped. He…me…out? Is he mad?! He just met me! And…I don’t even like guys! At least I don’t think I do. NO…I absolutely, positively don’t!
“Jackson,” Miriam intervened as she brought our beers out to us, “Don’t pressure her. She’s just got here you know. Let her be.”
“Geez, Mir,” he whined, “Don’t be so protective.”
I looked over to her, signaling how appreciative I was for her saving my hide.
Over the next few answers I was bombarded with questions: Where I was born, what I did, what I wanted to do in my life. Every question added another piece to my artificially created life. It was a pain in the ass, and although Miriam was very helpful with creating my persona, the main problem would be to memorize every detail of it, as almost my life as Saoirse did exist 19 years prior.
And that fact didn’t sit well with me. It was another part of me being almost forced by circumstance to adhere to this new life. I feared that the more I memorize my life as Saoirse the less I’ll remember my life as Scott. And I don’t know why I’m telling Jackson all of this anyway. In my eyes, I feel like his ultimate goal was to get into my pants. Just having to about something like that disgusted me immensely.
That being said, he did behave himself for the most part. He found it kind of unbelievable how much beer I could hold down, which kind of made me panic a little. I didn’t know whether he was hoping I’d open up a little more if I had gotten a little buzzed, or if he was wondering if my ability to do so was based on something else, which in reality, he’d be right. But for the most part he didn’t pry.
Honestly, for all the flirting he was doing he really wasn’t a bad person. Apparently on his free time he works with young children at a nearby orphanage. Miriam was adopted, which I knew, and she and her brother did spend quite a bit of time in an orphanage prior to being set up with a family up here in Ohio. He felt like he needed to repay those who worked hard to help them.
Finally it was getting late, and Jackson decided to head back to his place. He gave his sister a big bear hug as he made his way out onto the porch. Then, he turned to me and said, “I hope you stick around. You seem like a cool person. Besides, I could use the time to break down those walls of yours.”
While he sported a wily grin I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. Miriam playfully punched his shoulder, pretty much signaling him to knock it off. He said goodbye and parted ways.
Miriam shut the door behind her, and finally I was able to vent. “Damnit, who does he think he is? At this point I’d rather just say I was a man a get it over with!”
“Please,” Miriam begged, “don’t.”
“Why?” I asked. “He seems kind of easy going, like you.”
“It’s not that,” She insisted. “Just…trust me.”
I yawned as I turned to walk away, the bed calling out to me. I stopped to tell Miriam, “Thanks for covering for me today, by the way. It was difficult being put on the spot like that.”
She then gave me a rather honest statement. “Honestly,” She began, “the whole thing seemed awkward to me.”
“I would think so,” I agreed.
“No,” she shook her head. “It’s more like I don’t know whether to find it cute, or to be pissed off about it all.”
“What do you mean?” I wondered.
“It’s nothing, Ser- I mean, Scott,” She corrected. “I think I’m going to head to bed. I think you were about to head that way too.”
“Yeah,” I admitted. “Probably get a shower first.”
“That’s fine,” she said. “Have a good night.”
Time passed as I walked my way out of my shower, my towel covered around my waist as if I still was male. The room was quiet; you could hear the noises of the rooms around it. And one sound I heard was a cause for concern. I could hear Miriam, crying, sobbing up a storm. Was it something Jackson did? Or was it worse? Was it something I couldn’t do, no matter how much I wanted to?
I wanted to go to her, I wanted to comfort her, but I didn’t know if it was a good idea, seeing I was ill prepared to do so- I didn’t even know what the problem was. Or perhaps I didn’t feel like much a man at the moment. I couldn’t sleep that night. I just hope that thing would get better for the both of us.
Present Day, 2023
I woke up to see Marcus staring at me. I didn’t know what happened, or how I got to this point. Everything was so dark.
“Finally,” Marcus said as he sighed in relief. “You’re awake.”
I could help but hold my head as the pain quickly made its way to it. “Ugh,” I gasped, “How long was I out?”
“Two weeks,” he replied. “Ian did quite the damage to you, I hafta say. Blasted your head right off.”
Ian…did this to me? “What!?” I screamed as I jumped up in horror. Something was keeping me down though. My arm was handcuffed to the rail of my bed. “What’s this?”
“It was something we had to do,” Marcus explained. “After what you did, we couldn’t take any chances.”
“What did I do?” I asked, totally shocked by what I was hearing.
“What you did?” Marcus repeated. “You tried to kill Ian!”
“Why would I?” I stopped mid sentence and pondered what would possess me to do such a thing.
Liar…temptress…murderer.
Those words emanating within my head; they came from Fort Wayne. The civilians were crazy…the soldiers were crazy.
No…everything started to make sense now. There was a reason why the battle was so simple, and that casualties were so little- whatever was causing those people to go crazy- it wanted me.
“Oh my God,” I yelled, utterly repulsed by what I did.
“I didn’t think it was ‘you’ that committed those acts,” Marcus stated.
“Why?” I wondered. “Why did it want me?”
“I don’t have the slightest clue,” Marcus replied, “but considering the type of enemy we’re dealing with, I would have to guess that it used you to get to Ian. Murdering a national leader is the easiest way to bring a society into chaos after all.”
“Jesus Christ,” I cried, trying to hold back tears. “What have I done?”
“It wasn’t your fault, Scott,” He assured me.
“I need to get back out there,” I declared emphatically.
“You aren’t going anywhere, young lady,” Marcus rebutted.
“What?” I cried. “But I didn’t really do it!”
“And I do believe that,” Marcus restated, “but what would happen if it gets to you again? Who else could you hurt? We just can’t take the chance.”
“But,” I tried to counter. But let’s be honest, if I was in Marcus’s position I’d do the same thing too.
“Just relax, Scott,” He told me. “Your skull just reformed anyway. Your hair hasn’t even grown back yet. You need to just take a break, and let us handle this.”
My shoulders dropped in defeat as I slouched back into my covers. I was a danger now, and perhaps he was right, maybe I should just leave it to everybody else.
Alone…right now I couldn’t feel it any better.
If you came across a fork in the road, which path would you choose?
Morning came. My hair seemed to have grown some since yesterday; one could consider it to be a boy cut. Honestly, if I could I’d keep it as short as I could. It’s a pain to wash it at its fullest. Unfortunately, keeping it short requires me to cut it almost daily, and that was just as inconvenient.
I hurt Ian a while back. I nearly got him killed. I wanted him dead. What’s more, I wanted to take a little bit of his pleasure with me before I murdered him.
What happened to me that night? It spooked me to the bone I could even do such a thing. I even tried to imagine Ian, seeing if there really was something that caught my interest. Nothing. He was a swell guy and everything, but just as I thought, I felt nothing beyond that.
And it pissed me off. That night I turned into a murderous little slut, and I liked it. Something made me want him. Something made me try to kill him. And then when I came to, all I felt was wave after wave of regret. What was hiding inside of me that would cause me to do such a thing? I’ve never been raped in my life (Lord have mercy if someone even dared try), but after this experience I can honestly say this is as close as it gets. I didn’t even know what I was anymore.
Sienna heard the news. It’s easy to find out from all the gossip going around. You try to kill the president and everyone notices. And from all the things she had heard, she was just as hurt as I was right now.
She entered the room shortly after I awoke. She didn’t try to be confrontational, but I could see it in her eyes: she was heartbroken.
Standing there in awkward silence, it was her who finally gained the courage to talk.
“How are you doing?” she asked solemnly.
I couldn’t stare directly into her eyes. I was ashamed at what I had done. “I’m fine,” I half lied, “at least physically.”
“I didn’t think you like…” she had a hard time getting the words out. “What I meant was- I mean, I know you’re a girl but-“
“It’s not like that, Sienna,” I emphatically replied, “There isn’t anything between us.”
“But you wouldn’t have gone through with it if you didn’t at least find some interest with them,” she believed. “I mean, it’s okay…if you like guys and everything.”
“I don’t know anything anymore,” I told her straight up. “Ever sense I was mind raped all I don’t know what’s real or what’s fake, Sienna. I guess…I really don’t know what I am anymore.”
“Did you ever love me, Scott?” She said bluntly.
“Sienna,” I said, the guilt getting bigger and bigger. “I’ve always cared about you. You know that!”
“I said, did you love me?” She repeated. This was not the time for me to find answers to such difficult questions, my mind was noodles at this point. I wanted to say yes, but could I truly believe that?
“…I don’t know,” I admitted. “I just don’t know.”
She stood there, and after a moment to let it sink in she left, not even willing to say goodbye. Whatever pain I was feeling, I knew Sienna’s was five times worse. It was as if I cheated on her, and my conscious would never forgive myself for it.
Do you really want to know? I heard a voice in my head say. Do you really want to know who you truly are?
I wasn’t going to fall for it this time. This…thing wouldn’t get a hold of me, not again.
Leave me alone, you freak! I screamed within the walls of my brain.
That wasn’t very nice, the voice replied. Trust me when I say I am not the one who harmed you so. If I would, I wouldn’t be so deliberate in my contacting of you. Mind control requires subtlety, after all.
Then what is it you want!? I asked, not trusting him in the slightest.
What do you want, Scott Ryan? He countered. So long you have lived in the dark, trying to deny everything you’ve been through. Where has that gotten you?
You want to torture me again? I yelled in protest.
Why would I torture you, he continued, when you can do that so well yourself?
Get out of my head! I demanded for the final time.
My child, It continued, we want the same thing. I too, want to see the perpetrator of these crimes, from the Purge, to your very own manipulation, destroyed. Am I correct in saying you seek something similar?
He’s now speaking my language. But I still had to watch myself. I couldn’t be caught with my guard down again.
Suddenly one of the nurses came in; his eyes stone cold, as if he wasn’t consciously aware of what was going on. That meant…oh God, he was possessed!
But what happened next surprised me. He reached into the pocket and pulled out the keys to my handcuffs and unlocked them. I stood there in shock.
Consider that as a sign of good will, the voice stated. What you wish to do afterwards is up to you. However, I’m sure no one would appreciate your sudden freedom.
So basically you’ve given me two choices, I stated.
That’s right, he replied. Live as a refugee, or find me and perhaps recover what’s left of the life you’ve built…and perhaps a little more.
The choice was simple, although I didn’t like it. And where exactly are you located?
Oh don’t worry, He told me. Just listen to your subconscious. You will know.
Suddenly I could feel a certain urge- a desire, to go to certain place west of here. I couldn’t deny it- I just had to go.
Looks like he had me wrapped around his finger, although this time it was under my approval. I followed my feelings. I just hoped this wasn’t a trap. And I really hoped I can finally get some answers.
This place was calling for me. I could feel it, just like it said it would.
There’s a place in Indiana call Lake Wauwasee. Back in the day it was one of the most beautifully kept up lake, blue as the eyes could see. Now it’s but a swamp. Already I felt uncomfortable. It seemed as if the impulse within me wore off. This was the destination. If there was something out here, if I could finally get answers to what I’m up against, then I couldn’t turn around now.
“Hello?” I shouted aloud, hoping the echoes could reach somebody. All it really did was disturb the local wildlife as ravens began to flutter about aimlessly when heard its resonance.
“Hello? Anyone?” Every minute of silence only made me panic further. Usually I wasn’t afraid of being by myself. Anyone who would try something on little ol’ me would wind up regretting it. But I didn’t have any knowledge of what I was facing, and I could already tell that these aren’t any ordinary people.
Then I heard a voice. No, I read a voice…from inside my head. It was gravelly and monotone in character, and devoid of any character.
“So you have finally come, Scott Ryan,” it said, “or is it Saoirse Ryan?”
Frightened I immediately turned to instinctively run and hide, only to crash into the thing that summoned me here. It looked like the most disturbing creature I have ever witnessed- like some twisted swamp monster/squid hybrid. His face looked like a mollusks with his eyes sticking out like a pair of antennae. It looked at me intensely, making me fear my life.
“W-what are you?” I nervously asked, trying to stay under control.
He didn’t even respond. All he would do was praise my emotional distress. “Yessssss,” he hissed, “I can see why ‘he’ is so enchanted by you. The fear, the anger, the self-loathing- your soul is ripe with anguish!”
“What the?” I began, not believing what I just heard.
“We Mythos aren’t like normal Wyld,” he explained. “We are chaos incarnate. There is no rhyme or reason for what we do. But he- the very one who manipulated the fabric of your being, he is different.”
“What do you mean by different?” I inferred.
“Unlike most Mythos,” he explained, “His motives hold purpose. The one I speak of is Mabus.”
“Mabus?” I repeated.
“Yes,” he continued, “Named after the third evil of Nostradamus’s quatrains. He is beyond most Mythos in that he actually receives nourishment from the pain he causes.”
“So all of this…” I began to draw my own conclusions.
“War is a great vehicle of pain and sorrow,” he answered for me. “The seeds which were once planted here have now gained the attention of my brothers and sisters. Mabus is revered amongst my kind. Those he frees as well as those who willingly join him further participate in fanning these flames. They wish not to see this end, up to the point of directly manipulating events in order to maintain this bloodshed. That was what occurred in you. That’s why you nearly succeeded in killing that man.
I understood it all now…these freaks were making a mess of my mind, and most likely many others. But I don’t get it- why did that matter to him?
“Why are you telling me this?” I demanded to know.
“What fun is it to cause chaos when the very ones you affect eventually die?” He replied. “And even for him, how can one feed if they continuously kill each other? Manipulating emotions comes with a price. One may not know how far someone may go to accomplish their goals, such as vengeance, or domination. It takes but one misevaluated step.”
“So what is it you want from me?” I asked, getting to the point.
“I want you to fight them, fight the one they call Jackson Wells,” he said.
“I…” I couldn’t even begin to come with the words, “I can’t…I don’t know why. He killed Miriam! He killed my love! And yet…I run away.”
“And your passive nature is no accident,” he informed me. He began to put a slimy tentacle on my face. It made me shiver, and made me uncomfortable, but I couldn’t move, no matter how much I wanted to try.
“Yes, you are impressive. You could make a fine neuromancer,” he stated. “So wonderfully you take the truth…all the fears you couldn’t face, and seal them so tightly in your mind, not able to be released. You have repressed everything, like a little black box of your own precious memories. Yesssss…”
“W-what are you talking about?” I cried hysterically.
“If you are to face our kind you must fight with a clear mind, without any doubt, without any pain. Anything you have avoided can be used against you. They will exploit it.”
Then all of a sudden I felt a surge of heat coming from deep within my. My knees buckled and I fell onto the ground. The unbelievable sensitivity coming from my chest was like an itch that desperately needed scratched. Even in front of him I couldn’t help but reach under my shirt and massage my nipples, only to cause further excitement for my raging libido.
“Ugh!” I moaned, “Please…stop!”
Then suddenly it disappeared, and although I ended without successfully releasing all my pent up sexual energy, I at least could bring myself under control.
“Even your sexual tension can be used against you,” he stated. “It was that which got to you, and turn yourself against your friend.”
Ten years of pent up sexual frustration…my God, it was almost like I had to have sex as a woman to stay sane.
“So now we have reached an impasse, my dear Saoirse,” he informed me.
“Why do you call me that!?” I demanded to know.
“That was your name 10 years ago,” he answered, “The one Miriam gave you. The one name you try to forget.”
He slowly walked behind me and slowly explained, “We are at the crossroads, my beautiful red headed child. As I had said, to defeat Jackson, and furthermore Mabus, you must be of clear mind. But, as one who has repressed her memories so, the final choice is yours. I can reveal all to you: the good, the bad, everything. However that is up to you.”
My past…repressed. Was that what those civilians…no, Mabus, was that what he meant by Liar, Temptress, Murderer? What have I kept hidden from myself for so long? What am I missing?
“Ah choices,” he said, “What path to choose? Is ignorance truly bliss? Or will the truth set you free? Watching you fret about it is a fantastic experience, I must say.”
Ignorance, bliss? I had half the mind to choke the guy who ever made the quote. All it has given me was more anguish. The walls I’ve built up over the years could keep a nuclear reactor from meltdown. It may hurt, I may never be able to fully embrace it, but I no longer cared. Nothing was worse than the life I’ve forced myself into. I needed to know. I needed to be free.
“Do it,” I told the grotesque being. “I must know.”
“Hehe…” It chuckled, “this will be quite the experience. I suppose it would be wise if you close your eyes.”
Whatever second thoughts I had faded. The minute I closed my eyes was the minute I left my present behind and returned to a simpler time, back when I was Saoirse.
September 13, 2013
“Saoirse!” I heard being yelled throughout the halls. “Come on out here! I have something for you!”
For me? I thought to myself. I was starting to get worried that she was forgetting all about me. For one, she barely calls me by my real name anymore, although even now I was struggling to identify what exactly was “real” at this point in time. I’ve tried to stay off Mir’s back on the whole manner, after all, I’m sure this whole issue is affecting her just as much.
Perhaps it affected her even more. Somehow these past two weeks had been quite the learning experience. What was once a matter of swallowing my pride now became old hat. Shaving my legs, maintaining my hair, and even strapping on my bra- once strenuous activities, now almost became habit.
Such things I once thought were taboo now became rather interesting to me. Most recently I’ve gotten into TV dramas. Miriam had an old stash of recorded programs, and in the middle of the night I swiped them into my room. At the time it was supposed to be a test to see how far I’ve changed. I was praying I didn’t have to suffer, yet surprisingly, I got totally into it. I still try to keep it a secret however. I still have some masculine beliefs, and I’d rather not be caught going through boxes of Kleenexes in the middle of a tearjerker.
So when Miriam actually was willing to get me something, even during these awkward times, I jumped for joy. Even after all the changes I went through, one thing remained constant: I still found her immensely attractive. As long as that remained, I could handle everything else, no matter what role I played.
Meeting her in the family room, I saw it; it was a shimmering red dress, elegant and yet practical. While beautiful, the whole thing left me baffled. Why would she buy me this?
“I don’t get it,” I admitted as I looked at the colorful garment laid out before me.
“I thought it would be appropriate for our big night tonight,” she explained.
“Our?” I couldn’t help but worry.
“We can’t have you hanging around here like a recluse forever!” she remarked. “That’s just as suspicious as trying to live like a man!”
Truth be told, I would still like to live like a male, if I had to choose. Hell, just being able to put on loose clothing was liberating. Oh, and the pockets…gotta love how much you can carry with them!
…The fact that the first thing I even thought about was the advantages of male clothing made me realize just how feminine I was thinking.
“I don’t know if I’m ready for this,” I stated.
“Well, if you’re gonna live this way awhile, you might as well enjoy it,” she stated. I was starting to wonder if she was finding enjoyment in doing this, like I was some kid sister she could play dress up on.
“And where exactly are we going?” I asked.
“My brother offered to take us out to a dance club for the night,” she answered. “It’s been so long since I had a little fun, so I jumped on the opportunity.”
“Not him,” I moaned while shaking my head. “You know I’m not real thrilled with him. Besides, you know I can’t dance.”
“I think your new body will surprise you,” she argued. “And chill out. It isn’t like it’s a date or anything. I don’t think I could handle that.” I’m glad I could at least sense she still has some affection towards me. At least that’s what I feel like it is.
“Good,” I replied, “because I doubt I could handle dating him either.”
“Anyway come over here and let me help you try it on,” she insisted. “I think I got your size right.”
“Hey!” I whined, “I didn’t even say whether I was willing to do this!”
But she knew she’d already won. That was how it was back when I was male. Once she put her foot down I was stuck. Now that I was practically her size it only made dragging me a whole lot easier…
…And perhaps maybe I was a little curious at how I would look. Just a little bit.
It took longer than expected. It was the first time I tried on a dress, after all. There were so many little intricacies involved in it.
“Cut it out!” Miriam demanded. “You keep on wiggling and you’ll never get comfortable with it.”
“Well,” I countered, “I’m not thrilled how snug it feels.”
“Well, it’s supposed to be like that,” she stated. “A woman needs to show her curves. Now come outside and let me look at you!”
I reluctantly agreed and walked out of the bathroom and into the open. But she didn’t seem to like how I did even that.
“No no!” She snapped.
“What?” I couldn’t help but wonder.
“Your gait,” she explained. “It’s too manly, definitely not meant for a dress. Stand up straighter, shoulders back, and take smaller steps. You need to gyrate your butt more!”
This was getting embarrassing. I followed her orders though and retried. She seemed to accept my latest attempt, at least.
“Now spin around,” she commanded, “I want to get the full look at you.”
“This isn’t Simon Says, you know?” I quipped as I slowly spun around for her viewing pleasure. I couldn’t help but wonder what she was getting out of all this. Is she purposely trying to feminize me? I didn’t know what to think.
“So?” I asked, hoping to meet her approval.
“…You look good,” she halfheartedly replied. Geez, at least with all this work you could give me a better grade than good.
But now wasn’t the time for complaints. I could see it in Miriam’s eyes. Something changed in her mood all of a sudden, and whatever it was put a frown on her face.
“Anyway,” She stated. “I suppose we should practice with the high heels.” She then silently left the room.
Was it something I did?
Something in me wanted to impress Mir as I made my way over to the night club. I felt almost like I didn’t impress her; that something in me was doing something wrong. I diligently tried to put her training to work, trying my hardest to remember every little detail: The walk, the posture, the whole subtle behavior that made a woman attractive. I suppose this was my first test. I hope I pass it with flying colors.
We found a seat around one of the tables and waited for Jackson to show up. Even now I still didn’t like the guy, but again, I was doing this for Miriam. Even in this body I still want her to know I love her.
Even if I had to dance just to prove it to her.
“Hey, Sersh,” she began as she broke my train of thought, “could you go over to the bar and order us a few drinks?” She handed me some money and with a nod I decided to oblige. Turning to walk away I kept repeating in my head, stand straight, shoulders back, small steps, wiggle the butt. I was getting better…I think.
I handed the bartender my money and order and sat there waiting. Suddenly someone thought it cute to cover my eyes as a familiar somebody came up to greet me.
“Guess who,” the annoying little booger implored me to do.
“Cut it out!” I yelled as he uncovered my eyes. Jackson was still acting like his playboy self. I could almost see why women find this obnoxious.
“I have to say you look magnificent,” he praised. Again I don’t know whether to be appreciating or abhorring the little comment. Yet something in me suggested the former. Hey, at the very least it was a signal that all my work wasn’t in vain!
“Well, don’t get used to it,” I sneered. “I’m doing this for Miriam anyway.”
“I see,” he stated. “I’m glad she has a good friend in you.”
Friend? I wanted to yell. That lady is the love of my life! I wouldn’t go through with this for just anybody.
“Something the matter?” he asked, seeing I was drifting in my own thoughts.
“No,” I replied. It’s hard to say what you really feel sometimes. It’s not like lesbians are unheard of. But I wanted to wait for her to make that commitment. Sadly though, I was beginning to grow impatient. I didn’t know why. Maybe it felt like I was trapped in a barrier, a barrier called my body, which prevented me from remembering…remembering what it’s like to be touched, to feel the warmth of another, to feel love.
It kind of amazed me how little I even dissected my own thoughts. Was I really feeling the sting of loneliness? Was living with my girlfriend causing me pain as days go by without any reconnection? I just didn’t know. Furthermore, what would I do if such a reconnection isn’t possible?
The bartender handed me the drinks. Jackson excused himself as he went to use the restroom. Thank God for small miracles. Of course the saying went that it takes ten good things to make up for a bad thing, and what happened next would definitely exemplify such a statement.
I walked back to the table, only to see Miriam out on the dance floor…dancing with another guy.
All those feelings I just dissected boiled to the surface. Does she even see me as a man anymore? Does she even like me now? What would happen if we couldn’t reconnect? My frustration grew. I needed to confront her.
Walking on over to her I motioned her to the ladies room. I had to know, even if it killed me.
“What were you doing back there?” I asked emphatically.
“What?” She said, looking at me all wild eyed as if she didn’t do anything wrong. “The guy offered to dance with me and I said okay. It’s pretty much normal.”
“Normal?” I replied. “It’s only normal if the one who was dancing wasn’t already taken. What about me? Did you think I wouldn’t have a problem with it?”
“Sersh…” She said, frowning.
“It’s Scott, Mir,” I told her. “Inside this womanly shell still holds the man you love.”
“I know! I know!” She yelled. “It’s just so hard damn it. I want to remember, I want to believe you’re inside there. It’s just too hard sometimes!”
“And why is that?” I questioned.
“Because you’re a girl!” She stated bluntly. “Look at you! The hair, the breasts, the face- how can I not see you as one?”
I was speechless to respond. Each little truth tore at me like a dagger, piercing my very soul.
“Every day I forget another part of you,” she admitted. “First it was the eyes, then your nose, your lips. I barely can even remember your face, Scott! I wanted to try and salvage what I could from you. Perhaps I could love you as a woman, I thought. That’s why I wanted you to wear that dress, to come dancing with me, to enjoy yourself! Because I needed to know! For my own sanity I needed to know!”
“And the answer seems to be pretty evident,” I said, not even stopping to considering any other possibilities.
“It’s not that,” She said trying to save grace, but I wouldn’t have any of it.
“I’m a woman now, Mir,” I stated, “I didn’t want to be, but that’s the hand was I was dealt. If you can’t accept me, then so be it, but don’t lie to me; don’t lie to yourself, about what you’re going through.” I opened the bathroom door not even bothering to act femininely any longer. Turning back, I added. “It only makes my pain worse.” Fighting back tears I left her to her thoughts.
Sitting down, I looked back at all that happened. I wasn’t angry. I wasn’t sad. I was just numb. I knew this was a possibility, that my girlfriend, ex-girlfriend, couldn’t love me like this. It must take a special person to be a lesbian, because even knowing who I was she only could instinctively see me as a woman. It’s all in the chemistry, I guess.
And as for me, what about my chemistry? Where was I going to go from here? Does she know how difficult it is for me!? I don’t even know who I am anymore.
Just then Jackson returned to me. He didn’t seem like his typical flirtatious self, but rather he seemed concerned. My suspicion was he knew what happened. I just hope he didn’t know in detail. If he found out I was Scott…
“Hey,” he began, “I saw Miriam storming out of the place when I left the bathroom. Did something happen?”
In the broadest sense, I fessed up. “We kind of gotten into an argument. She probably just needed to get away for awhile.”
I thought he’d be pissed off I might have hurt his little sister like that, but even after all that he still seemed to passionately care about my well being. “You wanna talk about it?” He asked.
While thoughtful, it would be difficult to just tell him everything. “It’s okay,” I told him. “I’ll be fine.”
“You sure?” He repeated. My silence told him all he needed to know. Seeing that, he initiated conversation regardless. “You know, Mir’s been kind of down lately herself. I think it’s because of her boyfriend. I don’t necessarily know the guy, but I heard that during high school the two were almost inseparable.”
Geez, I thought. Just go through my life’s history why don’t you?
“Ever since she’s left for college she seems to be lonely, like she’s missing a piece of herself. It’s hard on her. If I could I’d drag his ass back to her.” Despite the vulgarity, I did appreciate his concern over us.
“But I can’t control life,” he said. “Sometimes paths separate, goals change, circumstance divides us. Miriam and I were adopted into a rather wealthy family, from what I know, he…not so much. I just hope that somewhere he still misses her as much as she does him.
A subtle tear fell from my eye. I do, Jackson, I wanted to say. I really, honestly do.
He stared at me. I prayed that my watery eyes didn’t give away anything. Such words rung so true. Circumstances have slowly but surely divided us, it just wasn't the way he expected.
He just stared and then grinned, as if he had a major idea. Oh and how he did.
“I know what’ll cheer you up!” He exclaimed. He then held out his hand to me. “C’mon. Let’s dance!”
“What?” I asked in utter shock. “I-I don’t even know how!”
“Pfft, nonsense!” he exclaimed. “Hell I guarantee you’re much better than I am!” He then proceeded to give me a demonstration of his moves, acting like a complete moron, putting all Caucasian males to shame. Yet he didn’t seem to mind embarrassing himself. Hell, even I couldn’t help but giggle at his ridiculousness.
“C’mon!” he urged me. “As long as I’m up here, you’ll have nothing to be embarrassed about!”
…Ah, what the hell. I could probably use the distraction. I slowly got up and walked over. Listening to the pounding bass, the driving beat, I got a good feel of the rhythm. I really did assume I would totally look like a fool out there, but honestly when I started to shake what my Wyldness gave me, it felt so comfortable. I guess it is true; my body seemed to be made for dancing now that I’m a girl. I was so into it that I didn’t realize I was playing lead to Jackson, who was accompanying me with every movement.
We were the center of attention. My dancing partner took my by the hand and wrapped his arm around my waist. Instinctively I followed suit, and the two of us began to dance in unison, in a fast pace, directly encouraged by the song. Jackson was a great liar; he was actually quite the dancer, but I guess his little act worked. Honestly, I’m kinda glad he did; nothing I have done since becoming Saoirse has been so exhilarating.
Time passed and it was after 3:00 AM when I decided to call it a night. Jackson offered me a ride home and I took it, mostly out of consideration, more than anything else. Back then I didn’t know my strengths and weaknesses and it really isn’t safe for a lady to be out alone in the middle of the night.
Besides, I was actually having fun chatting with Jackson for a bit. Sure, he’s a complete knucklehead sometimes but he does make up for it. I actually found it amazing that he and I shared many of the same interests. Well, maybe it wasn’t as shocking as I first thought. After all, it was those same interests that made me fall for his sister.
What’s more, even after the fight, the feelings of betrayal, and the blunt truth I had to face this night, I actually enjoyed myself. I even began to feel guilty about how I acted. I can see how dancing, particularly with someone else. I know it’s been hard for Miriam. Maybe I shouldn’t have been so abrasive over the situation. After all, it wasn’t like she was kissing him or anything!
I got out of Jacks car and we said our goodbyes as we parted ways. Tonight changed how I thought of him. What once was irritation and displeasure has now turned into mutual respect. As I walked to my front door I only could think to myself, he better hang out with me more often!
If you came across a fork in the road, which path would you choose?
September 22, 2013
There was a knock on the door in the middle of the night. I was still up watching a couple dramas on TV. Even though my favorite football team was tearing it up playing on the other station, I couldn’t help but feel compelled to wonder what would happen to this one guy’s girlfriend after he found out she was cheating on him with another guy. I kinda felt sorry for him, even if it was just a TV show.
I got up from the couch and made my way to the door. Standing outside was Jackson. Something in me seemed to be giddy about that.
“Hey there, Sersh,” he greeted. “Is Mir available?”
“She’s sound asleep,” I told him. It didn’t seem to stop him from wanting in though.
“May I come in?” he asked. I got out of the way as I let him pass.
He began to search the refrigerator for something to drink, while talking back at me. “So, what are you doing up so late this evening?”
“Oh, you know,” I began, “Just watching some TV.”
“I see,” he replied, “Catching up on some soaps, huh?”
“I prefer the term, “TV Drama,” I corrected. Hey at that time I might have been thinking more effeminately but I’d at least like to retain a little of my dignity! Even though I was no longer embarrassed about watching them, “Soaps” sounded too sappy to me.
Shutting the fridge door he grabbed a couple bottles of beer. Using his shirt he twisted the bottle open and handed one to me. I couldn’t help but glimpse a peek at his abs as he opened them. I was getting hot around the collar, so to speak. God, I couldn’t help but think to myself, I told myself time and time again that I wouldn’t so easily fall victim to my feminine wiles, so why am I suddenly giving into them so easily?
Sitting down he was back down to his usual routine, flirting with me. He’s been tirelessly hammering away at me. At first I wouldn’t have even considered such a thing; I was a man at one point, after all. However, he’s still been chipping at my walls, never once admitting defeat. And as time had gone by my feelings began to change. Slowly he was winning me over, much to my male mind’s chagrin.
“I swear,” he started, “I absolutely cannot believe I have never met your enchanting presence before.”
I couldn’t help but smile. By this time I felt flattered by all the sweet little nothings he was saying. Something within me began to awaken. Something like butterflies, fluttering inside my stomach, and I soaked every little word in like a sponge.
“Well, I’m sorry we didn’t have the opportunity either.” I remarked as I blushed from sheer nervousness. Putting my hand over his I seductively added, “I think it could’ve been special.”
I didn’t have any hint of sarcasm in my voice. No, this was something different. My body began to send signals to my brain, and subconsciously my body language shifted. No, I didn’t reply in a crass way; I truly began to feel as if I really did wish I met him earlier. And with the sensual way I replied to him, it almost sounded as if I was flirting right back.
“Oh, ho!” he exclaimed. “And here I thought the lady didn’t get into flirting!”
“It’s surprising how much things change as time passes,” I admitted. Indeed it did. I was fawning over him, and the more I thought about it, the more I realized, hey, this really isn’t so bad!
“To you, my wonderful lady,” he said, holding his bottle in the air. That sounded like the perfect person to recognize. Raising my own bottle I stated, “Cheers.” And we clanked bottles.
Taking a drink from my bottle, I sat it on the table below. My mind wanted me to cut to the chase. It wasn’t just the emotional feelings I was discovering; my body too was beginning to feel a new, foreign sensation, like a longing craving for something, and it was getting quite impatient.
“So,” I began, “You weren’t really here to visit Miriam at all, were you?”
Caught red handed he replied, “You caught me. Guilty as charged.”
I wasn’t really upset about that. Normally I would be, particularly since I wasn’t really wanting to be with a guy. At least that’s what I wanted to believe at one time. However, I didn’t know what I wanted at this point- after all I was proving quite the contrary. But I hadn’t had much attention ever since I became Saoirse. Anyone who’s willing to give me the time of day was alright in my book.
…And apparently so much more in my body’s case.
“That’s rather naughty of you,” I sassed, my hand moving as it clasped the young man’s thigh. God, since when had I become such the tease?
He chuckled a little bit, obviously thrilled that I was finally willing to respond to his advances with a little flirty behavior of my own. Then he gave me have his explanation. “I wanted to see you one last time before I go. Before I leave for the next few months.”
Something inside me felt disappointed in what it was hearing. My flirtatious behavior shifted to that of concern. “Why?” I whined. “Where’re you off to?”
“I’ve been sent to Nashville, to resume duty as Commander of the Confederate army,” he replied. “I leave tomorrow.”
I was absolutely crushed. Ever since I became Wyld I grew to despise the Confederate States. At this time Ohio was still independent, but only because of the government’s indecision. The state was an amalgamation of many different people with many different beliefs. Trying to reach a compromise with those different types of people was a fool’s errand. That often allowed the presence of foreign powers to sneak in, who were often welcomed by the people who believed in them.
“You’re a member of the Confederate Army?” I asked as I immediately snapped my hand back from off his leg. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to believe what my ears just told me.
“Yeah,” he replied. “Me and Mir needed money; an education. This was pretty much the fastest way to get the funds. There really isn’t anything else out there that pays quite like it.”
“But, why?” I asked. “Why go through with all of this?”
“Me and Mir, we’ve been orphaned ever since we were children,” he claimed. “before we arrived in Ohio it was difficult to find a home. All this Wyld phenomena and whatnot- most people kept away from adopting children, particularly during the first years.”
“You and Mir are extremely close then?” I queried.
“We’re as close as brother and sister can get,” he replied. “I would do anything for her. That’s why I joined the military. I was athletically gifted and everything, they said I was perfect for the job.”
“I’ve heard a lot of bad things about the way they treat the Wyld,” I informed him, not wanting to tip him off that I was Wyld. I wouldn’t know what he would do at this point if he knew. “Do you hate them?”
“Honestly, Saoirse,” he began with a streak of guilt on his face, “I really don’t have a lot against Wyld, really.”
That made me feel slightly better, if only just a little bit. “But why do you go after them then?”
“I don’t make it my mission to personally go after Wyld, Sersh,” he explained. “I only get involved when a Wyld doesn’t give me any choice. And no, I haven’t killed one.”
“But don’t they put them into slave camps?” I asked, hoping, praying that maybe he could see the error of his ways.
“I…I really don’t know the dealings of the Confederates south of the Ohio River,” he answered, “If I saw it, I’d get out. But I’m only a Commander, and while that might sound like a big deal it really isn’t. I have my troops and I run my troops. I don’t have any information about the workings of higher ups.”
I couldn’t help but worry. Were all Confederate Soldiers like that? A lot of people considered them fanatical, and “doing God’s work,” yet he was telling me another story, a story of complete secrecy.
“To be honest, Sersh, I would like to leave the military one day,” Jackson admitted. “I wish I could just take Mir far away from here where we can be happy, without all the drama that surrounds this place. And…”
He drifted off with his last sentence, so I pried it out of him. “And?”
“…And,” He continued. “I feel like I want to expand my dream, and wish for one other pretty lady to come with me.”
He stared deep into my eyes, and I couldn’t help but blush once again from his compliment. Those flirty, seductive feelings I had began to rise within me once again. I once thought of him like a friend, but now it was turning into some else, now I could see him as a partner. My brain began to transfer my body’s desire: it wanted me to make love to him. Somewhere deep inside me I believed really wanted to hold back, but it was being overridden. It was as plain as day: I was falling in love with him.
“My God you are so beautiful,” he sweetly whispered. “I can’t stop staring at you.”
Could I seriously go through with this? I silently asked myself. I’ve been holding back for so long, hoping Miriam would eventually come back to me. Every day she grew more distant, however. I know she was having a hard time accepting me as I was now, and that was the hard part. It was as clear as I day, but I didn’t want to believe it until now. I could never be that close with her again.
But all of a sudden this new avenue opened up. I was starting to look at Jackson much like I used to look at Miriam. No, not the same- similar, but not the same. I saw Miriam as my anchor, my reason for being. That all that I was, all that I would be, was devoted entirely to her.
However with Jackson I felt a strange yet wonderful feeling about him. I saw my rock, someone who would be there when I was down. Someone who would lend me a helping hand whenever I needed him. Someone I could give myself to, freely and openly. He was my protector and guardian, all rolled into one complete package.
I saw him much like most women would see a man. I had been a woman now for 2 months, and all I felt was rejection. Be it my family, the passer bys, and even, although I know she didn’t mean it, Miriam. But here was an opening, a golden light at the end of a long winding tunnel of despair. And while I knew he made a lot of mistakes, and technically he felt like he still was, he was not the stereotypical Confederate Soldier that many might peg him to be. He was kind, compassionate, funny, and in his own way, beautiful.
“Jackson,” I said as a slowly tried to pick apart my feelings. “There’s so much…I don’t know if you’ll appreciate what you’ll find if we go through with this.”
“I don’t mind,” he told me as his hands grasped mine. “I can handle anything you bring. Even if I had my concerns we can work it out. I need you, Saoirse. You’re the most wonderful woman I’ve ever met, right up there with my sister. Please. I…I love you.”
His words melted my heart, and I felt all gooey inside. I couldn’t hide it any longer. I rushed in and planted a kiss on his lips. It couldn’t help it; maybe it was the hormones, maybe it was my lack of companionship after so long. But I wanted this man.
“Take me,” I gasped as I clinged onto his broad shoulders, not letting go.
He carried me over to my bed as we kissed each other throughout the trip. Setting me down I immediately pulled off my shirt as he began to crawl onto the foot of my mattress, kissing my belly button upwards. As he slowly made his way towards me I undid my bra and threw it on the floor, leaving my breasts out for my lover’s enjoyment. And so he did as his nose was caught in between my cleavage, kissing and fondling my breasts as I held him down. I once did such things to Miriam. Apparently it was my turn, and I could understand the immense enjoyment of it.
He made his way to my face and we resume our bout of tongue wrestling. Multi tasking, I began to unbutton his shirt slowly, unveiling his bare, muscular chest. I began to rub his ripped body, feeling every rock hard muscle. It was very different from the soft bodies I normally felt, but it was no less wonderful. He was every girl’s dream.
He immediately flipped me over on top of him, giving me a better view of his chiseled body. While he aggressively fondled my breasts I began to truly get off at the sight that lied underneath me. I never looked at a man quite like I looked at him. I wondered why I never recognized the beauty of a man before, I began to think. Even as a man, I never really felt myself as “sexy,” or anything like that. It wasn’t like I hated myself- it’s just not something that crossed my mind. But now, I could see the beauty of a man as much as I could see the beauty of a woman, perhaps even more so. He was sexy, and looking at him only made me hornier.
I drifted downward as I licked his body, heading to his navel. My feet to the floor, I proceeded to remove what remained of my clothing. I was completely naked, my entire body on display for my man to see.
“You are unbelievable,” He told as his heart was racing. “You look like a Goddess.”
I smiled at him in a rather devious way. He was the one lying down, and it was now my turn to be the aggressor, and it was time for the “Goddess” to have her way with him. I could see the strain his jeans were doing to his poor sex organ. I shouldn’t keep the poor guy waiting. I proceeded to unbutton his jeans, dropping them to the floor, allow his member room to grow.
“Looks like he has a little problem I need to take care of,” I teased seductively.
“Yeah,” he agreed, as his panting got heavier.
With his drawers on the floor we were both completely nude; his penis erect in front of me, as if it was provoking me, telling me to grab it. I felt like we were the only two people in the world. Jackson was my Adam, and I was his Eve- or maybe Lilith in this case, because I definitely wasn’t gonna be submissive at this point. I once pointed out the rites of passage into womanhood: The bra, the dress, the behavior. And now lying before me was my final test. It was time to climb the summit and take my just reward.
I gave his little buddy a good nibble, trying to make it harder and harder. I felt in control as I performed fellatio for the very first time. All the things I remembered Miriam doing with me I tried to recreate, teasing to its hardest point. It didn’t take to get it to its apex, and after taking a few loads I desisted in sucking on it and immediately climbed back onto the bed mattress with him.
This was it. He was ready, as was my vagina, primed and ready for her big moment. There was no going back at this point, but I wasn’t scared; I was excited- excited to feel something that few men ever get to experience. I wanted to be happy, to accept myself for who I was. For so long I tried to deny myself; tried to keep myself from being what I truly was. But I’m not afraid anymore. I am Saoirse Ryan, I was woman, I was Wyld, and I finally understood. This was my calling; the very purpose of the body I resided in now. I was meant to be here, in this very moment, with this very man. The man I loved.
I slowly mounted onto his pulsing member, gasping as it slid effortlessly into my body. There was a slight sting at first as it entered, most likely from the hymen that obviously never popped, and subsequently would remain later on as it regenerated soon after. But soon that pain turned into pleasure; the incredible feeling of having something inside of me, moving as it attempted to add to the already sensational feelings I was experiencing.
And I joined in as I moved up and down upon my man’s body, moving to motion of his hardened phallus, pumping it further as I felt the juices in me build up inside. The rush of energy I felt within me was reaching its breaking point. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to know what was about to happen. I thought I was ready for it, but I was wrong.
I never knew how intense a female orgasm was until it finally happened to me. It felt as if a damn exploded, and every inch of my insides felt the rush of pleasure as my cervix began to spasm out of control. My pleasure only increased when he followed by unleashing his own orgasm; his seed covering the walls of my uterus as I remained speechless of the feelings that just took place.
The minutes after was spent reminiscing as I lied beside my new boyfriend, who was tuckered out and already fast asleep. I was immersed in the afterglow. It was the most wonderful feeling I ever had in my life. It almost made me swear off women entirely, as all I could think about was what unbelievable things a penis could do to me. It really didn’t matter though, at this moment my life was set. I had a home, people who cared about me, and a man who loved me. That was enough.
Sadly however, life never seems to be as picture perfect as you want it, no matter how hard you try. That was the first, and last time I ever had sex with a man, and the last time I had sex altogether. As in fact the only time I even thought about the allure of a man’s genitalia was the night after I met Kami…and that possession soon after. I was lucky that my imagination envisioned that member as somebody else, as odd as that may sound.
…It would have killed me if the one I envisioned was Jackson.
The next day came, and I was still asleep, exhausted from the night before. I was able to sense Jackson, already up and about as he was about to leave to report for duty.
He slowly came up to me and planted a kiss on my temple. Half awake, I heard him whisper, “I love you, Sersh.” He quietly left, gingerly closing the door behind me.
I woke up a few minutes later with a smile on my face. I knew I had a keeper, even though his visits would be few and far between. I was beginning to imagine all the bubbly feelings many women in love felt. I was actually even picturing myself as his wife! It made me hope that he’d keep his promise and one day leave the military. At this point I doubt I could stand being far away from him for an extended period of time.
And speaking of periods, which were something I didn’t have, I wasn’t oblivious to the fact I had unprotected sex with a man last night. I didn’t know much about my biology at the time. I didn’t have a menstrual cycle as I stated; there might be a chance I’m not fertile at all. Then again, considering how perfect my body was with the whole regeneration deal, I highly doubted that very much. Either way I wasn’t going to take any chances. Luckily for me I lived with Miriam, who I knew was on birth control. Perhaps I should make my way over to the bathroom and sneak in one of her morning after pills.
Wearing but my shirt and panties from last night I headed to the bathroom. I opened the medicine cabinet and began to search for the pills I needed. After reading many labels I came across the bottle I was looking for.
“Ah ha!” I said, feeling peppy this morning, “I popped open the bottle and poured a pill into my hand. I pour some water from the faucet of my sink, and cried. “Bottoms up!” I ingested the pill, not knowing that Miriam was standing outside the door as I swallowed it.
“What are you doing?” She asked. Her eyes immediately turned to the medicine bottle, and widened as she turned them back at me, “You didn’t…”
I was speechless. I guess this was the hell to pay for my actions. She ran out of the room as I chased her down, yelling, “Miriam! Come back!”
I finally caught up to her in the kitchen. She turned and face me, releasing her anger on me like a 100 mile per hour fastball.
“My Brother!?” she cried, not wanting to believe it. “You had sex with my brother!?”
“What was I suppose to do Miriam!?” I asked her. “Ever since I moved in here you’ve been growing distant from me! It’s like I don’t even know you anymore!”
“Don’t know me?” She snapped, “I didn’t even know my former boyfriend acted like a little slut!”
“Don’t you dare call me that!” I snapped right back. “He was there for me when you weren’t! If you weren’t so afraid of being with a woman then maybe this wouldn’t have happened!”
That sentence left us in silence. She knew that was true. I knew it was true. She couldn’t love me as she once did.
“It’s…just hard for me,” she stated. “I just need a little time.”
“I’ve given you quite a bit of time, Mir,” I informed her. “If you can’t love me like this, that’s okay. I can’t change the way you view things.”
“But I do love you,” she insisted. “I love you so much it hurts.”
“You love Scott Ryan, Mir,” I told her, “but I’m not Scott anymore. You have to accept that.”
I see she was having a hard time letting go, and to be honest I was too. I still love her; all the feelings and desires I had back when I was Scott still existed even now, even with my newfound interest in men. I still wanted her, but I can’t force her. That just isn’t the way I do things. But she can’t expect me not to move on with my life either.
“I love Jackson, Mir,” I admitted. “As much as any woman loves a man. I truly never felt this way about a guy before in my life. But he makes me feel things- emotional things that I’ve never felt before in my life, even when I was Scott. I’m sure you’ve felt these feelings for me once.”
“I did, yes,” She replied, “I wanted to be with you forever.”
“And that’s how I feel with him,” I claimed. “Mir, I’ve been so alone. The past few months have been hell for me. My family disowned me, I lived homeless on the streets with no one even bothering to help me. I don’t mean to hurt you by saying this, but even your distance from me didn’t help me feel any better.”
I could see she was tearing up, but I had to get my side of the story out. “I’ve tried my best to please you Miriam. You’ve asked me to wear more girly outfits so as to not cause suspicion, I did that. You asked me to act more feminine, I’ve done it. You’ve asked me to give you space for you to take all this in, and I’ve done that Mir. Couldn’t you see the strain wearing on me?”
“I wasn’t trying to hurt you, Scott!” she cried. “Everything was happening so fast, I couldn’t take it all in!”
I let out a sigh, pitying her, and continued. “It wasn’t as if I was willingly trying to woo Jack. As in fact it was quite the opposite. He would try to flirt and I tried my best to resist his advantages. You knew that, Mir. I held off as much as I could because of you. But time went on and my loneliness only grew. It grew to the point where I began to see him in a much different light. I began to enjoy his quirkiness, and how I giggled at his overall boyish behavior. It didn’t take long before I started to respond with flirting of my own. I don’t know what came over me, but my mind eventually convinced me that this was I was made to do. Eventually my mind grew to accept…other qualities that he possessed- I won’t go into detail. And before I knew it I was attracted to him, and I didn’t seem to have much of a problem with it.”
“And so you had sex with him.” She concluded.
“And yes,” I answered, “I had sex with him. But not because I wanted to hurt you.”
She sighed as tear fell down her cheek. She knew it was over. She knew I was in love with someone else, as much as she hates that.
“I still have a hard time believing how you’ve changed this much,” she reiterated.
“I can’t believe it myself,” I added. “But I guess it was bound to happen at some point.”
She gave me a warm hug. After all of this, I was glad to feel her closeness once more, even if it would never be what we once had.
“Just remember,” Miriam pointed out, “You’re still Wyld. I don’t think he’ll appreciate the fact that the girl he’s currently seeing was once the boyfriend of his younger sister.”
I giggled at that. “Hopefully we can keep that little tidbit to ourselves,” I said.
“I won’t get in the way,” she declared. “You need to be happy. And if my brother can give you that, I wish you two all the best.”
“Thanks, Miriam,” I said. “I’m glad I have a friend like you.”
If you came across a fork in the road, which path would you choose?
Cincinnati, Ohio, December 12, 2013:
“What is it you wanted me for, sir?” The young Jackson Wells asked walking side by side with his superior, General Robert McCaig.
“Honestly, I would’ve preferred having handled this myself,” McCaig admitted, obviously disliking having to take a hard working soldier- particularly one who runs his own regiment, away from his active duty. “They insisted on speaking to you, and only you.”
“That seems rather odd,” he said.
“Indeed,” McCaig seconded. “Whatever it is, I don’t know if it’s major or not. But, I can’t stand seeing a family in a panic. If you can calm their worries then I would be happy to oblige.”
“That’s why I respect working for you sir,” Jackson praised. “Do I know who these people are?”
They came to a stop in front of a glass door- the General’s office. “I don’t know,” he replied, “but they seem to know you.” He opened the door and gave way for Jackson to enter. “I’ll leave you to it, then.”
With a salute, Jackson acknowledged his General. “Sir!” With that he left him to his task.
Turning his attention to the couple inside, he became even more confused. Neither of them seemed familiar. They were middle aged, about in their late 40s to early 50s, and yet he could see the concern right on their face.
Even if they were unrecognizable, he felt it was his duty to assuage their worries. “Can I help you?” He began.
“You’re Jackson Wells?” The woman asked.
“I am,” he replied, “You needed me for something?”
“You probably never had met us,” she continued. “We’re the Ryan family. Our son, Scott, used to be your sister’s boyfriend?”
“Oh, yeah,” he realized. He’s been wondering about his whereabouts lately. What he heard was he went to Bowling Green, and He and Miriam grew apart. But even then, he would have assumed they’d in touch. Circumstance can put a damper on a relationship, but you would think he’d at least try to maintain it, knowing how much they did love each other.
Already he was jumping to conclusions, however. Perhaps, he thought, he might be in trouble. It could explain Scott’s lack of communication. Still, it would be wise to get the information from his parent’s mouths themselves.
“So, how is he doing?” He asked, trying not to make false assumptions, and really hoping that he was fine.
“He’s…he’s.” Scott’s mother couldn’t help but break down. She was acting as if her son was dead!
Her husband put his hand on her shoulder, comforting her. “We’ve been good parents,” He explained. “We tried to do what’s best for him. We went to church daily, picked the safest schools. Every day we looked after him. I just can’t believe it happened to him. Where did we go wrong?”
“Go wrong?” He wondered, each statement growing more and more archaic. “What happened to him?”
“He’s…” his mother began, trying to hold back the flood of emotions. “He’s gone Wyld!”
“What?” he asked.
“He turned right in front of our eyes,” his father claimed. “I feared for my wife’s safety so I did my best to fight her back. But now I worry that we let an evil demon out into the world, and that’s why we’re here to see you.”
Did he just say “her?” Jackson wondered, doing a double take. Nah, just my imagination, right?
“We did our best trying, creating a neighborhood watch team, hoping to cleanse my former son’s evil soul before it could spread. But we went throughout Piqua proper, and while some people did mention of seeing her, we have yet to spot her.”
There they go with the “her” again. What was up with that?”
“My wife finally relented and we came to you, hoping that you could assist us.” He concluded. “We just want to make sure no more innocents are harm from our mistakes.”
God, he thought to himself, I forgot how devout some of these folks can get. I’m sure Scott was probably scared sick, all alone as he was. He hated how they relied on them to be some sort of holy police, like the Swiss Guard or something. Even his General, Robert McCaig, believed in Rehabilitation, that with God’s love even Wyld can become normal again. While obviously not as noble, he still never met a Wyld that he actively hated, or wanted dead. He really was trying to make a living.
Either way, it was probably better of he found him before anyone else did. That goes double for his parents. They gave him the creeps.
“Can you describe to me what he looks like now?” he asked of them.
“Looks human, for the most part,” Scott’s dad began. “Except now she has red hair and green eyes. Creamy white skin, lost about an inch and a half in height.”
That’s it! That’s like the third time they used a feminine pronoun to describe their son. He had to know why.
“Why do you keep referring to your son as a ‘she’?” he asked point blank.
“That was what I was about to get to,” he told him crassly. “My son…apparently changed gender. He’s a woman.”
Hold on, he went on within his head. The red hair…the green eyes…creamy white skin…he isn’t saying what I think he is!
Jackson became extremely woozy as he grabbed a hold of his desk to support himself. This was a shot in the face. Saoirse is…
“We came to you because of your sister,” Scott’s dad continued. “Perhaps she may have ran off to Columbus, and might be staying with her. I can’t really think any other place for her to take refuge.”
He heard enough. He had a lot in his mind now and didn’t need to hear any more from these people.
“Thanks for informing me,” he callously replied. “My soldiers will show you the way out.”
Night came before he knew it, and yet he couldn’t sleep. He looked at himself in the mirror, wondering what the hell he had done.
“That woman,” he began, having a one way conversation with his reflection, “she was Scott all along. I had sex with my sister’s…! Oh, God!”
He was sick to his stomach as he vomited at the nearby toilet. Kneeling over, he gasped for breath. The sudden realization was killing him physically as it was emotionally.
“Why?” he asked himself. “Why would she do such a thing? Why would she hurt her?” Then he looked deep within and realized he was just as guilty as she was. “Damnit!” he screamed. “It was my fault! I was pushing her, wanting her to be with me! She was just so…perfect! How could I be so stupid?!”
He paused to think about things for a bit longer. “He probably was having a hard time as it was, confused, not knowing what to do, or how to act. I mean, she’s a woman, at least now! Hell, Mir probably had it just as hard. Maybe Saoirse came to me for comfort…I don’t know.”
You wish it was so simple, don’t you?
“What the?” Jackson wondered, shocked to hear another voice within the room. “Who’s there?”
Poor little Scott Ryan, alone and confused. Lost her love and needed someone for comfort, so she fell for you. She’s just doing what a woman does, huh?
“I don’t know who or what you are,” Jackson shouted, “but you better be leaving.”
If things were so simple, tell me, why didn’t she resist? Why did she jump into your arms, knowing full well the harm she would do?
“She needed someone!” he yelled. “Look at her! Look at her parents! Ever since she changed she’s lost everything!”
Then why not someone else? Why not any other man or woman? She still looks human, for the most part. Why you, when she knew the consequences?
“I…I…” He couldn’t come up with an answer.
Oh, what emotions we breed. Under most circumstances any lonely animal would accept the advances of another. But, unlike most animals, we have something called “logic.” Even if it hurts, a sane person would have shown restraint. But her, no, she WANTED you…she NEEDED you.
“Stop it!” he demanded. Whatever this voice is, he didn’t want to hear it. He didn’t want to hear his version of the truth.
Do you want to know why she did it, Jackson? Hmmm?
“Leave me alone!” He yelled to no avail.
Because she’s a liar! A temptress! She wants to be with you. She wants to have the things you gave Miriam! She wants to BE Miriam! And the more she sinks her fangs into you the further apart you and your sister become!
“Why?” he asked, “Why would she do that?”
She is Wyld, Jackson! Exactly as her parents believe! She is but a demon…a succubus, entering your perfect little life and like virus, tearing away the very foundations of your happiness! And while you are away, she lies there, laughing as she gets off on your utter ignorance!
“How…how could she?”
The human visage you saw was nothing but! She is less than human; whatever humanity she had is gone! So, for the sake of their family, your family, and yourself, do what is best for the poor soul…
…KILL her!
Present day:
“She’s still alive,” He told himself as he looked himself in the very same mirror he did 10 years prior. The walls were covered in grime, a painful reminder of time’s past. He never cleans it; he never let’s anyone in to do it either. This had become Jackson’s sanctuary over the years. Here he thinks to himself, plotting, going over them in great detail, alone…or so he think he is.
Liar…Temptress…MURDERER.
“Miriam,” he said under his breath. “I shall avenge you. Everything I’ve done…I’ve done in your name. How many Wyld I’ve purified…and yet, still I feel remiss not realizing that Scott Ryan still lives!”
He put his fist through the mirror, shattering it as his hand became drenched in blood.
“Aaargh!” he roared, the adrenaline tempering his pain. “For so long, the rumors! And only now do I realize that the very leader, the very being who has been going around taking MY land was the very one I took a shotgun to 10 years ago!”
He looked at his injury and laughed maniacally, as if it didn’t matter. Right now, there was only one thing that mattered.
“I will finish the job. I will kill her, even if I have to chop her up piece by piece by piece!”
And why would you do that?
This voice…was different.
What did she do to you?
“She used me!” He yelled in defiance. “She made me murder my sister!”
And in what way did she cause you to pull the trigger?
“She…I…” He refused to believe any other explanation.
Wake up, Jackson. It was you who pulled the trigger, and it was you who acted without thinking things through!
It lies, Jackson! She twisted your emotions, she manipulated you to do that very thing! She was the murderer, not you!
You aren't the murderer, Jackson. If there was a murderer, it would be the very thoughts that have nested in your head!
The two voices began fighting between each other, causing immense pain within his head. He began to writhe as he punched his cranium violently with his good hand.
Even now, she still loves you.
Even now, she wants your soul!
She feels as guilty as you do.
She has no guilt! She’s a monster!
Let the pain go, Jackson. The past is gone. Look ahead to the future.
There is no future! Miriam is gone! The only future that should exist is the one where Scott Ryan doesn’t!
“…SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!” he screamed as he stood up from the blood stained floor.
Aaaahhhh!
“I understand now,” he said as he wrapped a shirt around his hand. Walking over to his chair he sat down. A young soldier overheard the racket and immediately opened up his door, checking on him.
“Sir, I thought I heard-“ He paused when he saw the blood stained shirt around his arm. “You’re injured! Come on, we must get this checked out!”
“I shall have it looked at myself, I don’t need your assistance!” he screamed. The soldier was about to walk out but then Jackson stopped him midstride. “Hold on.”
The man turned around. “Sir?”
“I need you to relay a message to the soldiers down in Gatlinburg. Tell them to be on alert. Have their Lieutenant send me the “keys.” I want them ready at a moment’s notice. I will teach them to mess with me. All who harbors Wyld will be eliminated.”
Understanding what he was saying he nodded and went to carry out his orders.
“So, Scott Ryan,” he said. “This time you will die, even if I have to take everyone else with it!”
Did you think you could best me? I thought you were much better than that, Hister.
Perhaps…Mabus.
I am no fool. You plot something. Why do you persist? You and I, we’re no different, after all. Can't you remember the feeling, the incredible sensation as you rang the life right from a human’s throat?
I did it out of necessity, dear brother. Because of him we became these…things, forever wallowing in our madness. And now, I unfortunately am tasked with doing the same of you.
You really believe you can stop me? I am beyond you! You abandoned the power granted to you! What made you change so?
I saw the error of my ways, brother. I remembered the pain, the violence…the rape. I killed my father because of the pain he caused me…he caused us! I won’t become him! I won’t become you!
You can’t change what you are. You’re as much a freak as me.
I do not get off killing others. What purpose is there to kill so many? Even you, who needs the nourishment from other’s pain, death would be counterproductive.
What other reason would I have but revenge?
They’ve done nothing to harm you.
Ah, but they did! Look at them! Look at the repulsiveness that is human nature! The very same nature that molded our father into the very evil that we feared. It must die! All of it! And with my perfect little soldier I will obtain it. And no one, no human, Wyld, or Untamed, will stop me, particularly you.
Perhaps not…but at least I will part from this mortal coil with a final noble gesture- a pittance to offer for my redemption, but one I shall enable nonetheless.
And what would that be?
…Time. You will be stopped…you will see.
Ha! And what exactly could stop me? Whatever you may plot, it will fail, and you won’t be there to see it! Farewell, brother- or should I say, sister.
….Aaaaaaaaahhhhhh!
If you came across a fork in the road, which path would you choose?
I woke up to a chillier than usual morning- doesn’t help the nerves when alone in such a dark, foreboding place. Still, after all I felt, it wasn’t uneasiness I was currently feeling. No, after facing all the things I kept hidden deep inside of me, I felt surprising different. I felt relieved. No longer was I afraid of my past, and I no longer blamed myself for the mistakes that occurred back then. We were all in the wrong place at the wrong time.
All of this was the fault of one man...if you can call it that. Mabus. He’s the one that manipulated Jackson to hate me. He’s the one that made him into a killer. I knew the real Jackson. He was loving, caring, and yes, a little goofy. I truly believed that even if he found out about my former life, that I was once a man and Miriam’s partner- that we could have worked through it. Even Miriam, who realized my feelings for him, and realized that no matter how much she tried she couldn’t love a woman, gave me her blessing.
All in all my goals had changed. I now knew why I couldn’t fight Jackson- I loved him, and now I could see it was the right call. I wasn’t going to just stop him- I was going to save him. And I knew exactly where he was going to go. My “guide” planted the information inside my head, prior to waking up:
Jackson…heading…to Toledo…help…friends…stop Mabus.
I could feel the pain resonating from its words, as if someone harmed it in some way. Finally up and alert, I searched around, finding any remnants of Mythos. Instead I came across something surprising. It was a young girl with blonde locks, completely naked from head to toe, lying motionless on the dirt floor below. Concerned I ran over to her. Putting my hand on her face I was relieved that she was still warm, proving to me she still was alive. Could this be that Mythos? I didn’t know, but either way, I wasn’t going to leave her here. I picked her up gingerly and headed back to my car. Laying her down on the back seat I wrapped a blanket around her. Hopefully I’ll have time to get her medical attention before the battle begins.
Driving in fast speeds I began to reexamine everything I was, everything I am, and everything I wanted to be. The person I was 10 years ago was entirely different than the person I was now. For all the awkward feelings I felt from reliving it, the only thing that truly stood out was I was happy. By accepting my femininity I was able to find happiness within myself, and with another. And there was nothing to be ashamed of with being with a guy; I was a girl, and even though I fought against it for so long I knew, I found them attractive. By repressing all that I was, I was effectively torturing myself, and in turn Mabus used that against me. If I was going to save Jackson I had to finally admit to myself- Scott Ryan was dead. These few hours I had was all the time I got to reconstruct my life, and start chipping away at the walls that restrained my true womanly nature.
It wasn’t long before I saw Toledo’s skyline in the distance. It didn’t seem like anything happened yet, which was a relief. I briefly looked over to the peacefully resting woman in my back seat.
“Don’t worry; we’ll get you some help.” I softly assured her.
There I was, City Hall. Seeing me jumping out of my car brought such alertness on Ian’s security personnel. They weren’t about to let me anywhere near him again. But I had to let him know war was coming.
Steeling myself I raced up the stairs, dodging the oncoming bullets, and quickly burst through the front doors. Conveniently there was Ian, walking down the stairs, with his bodyguards in tow. Seeing the ruckus he quickly recognized me and his bodyguards shielded him. But I was in no mood to fight.
“Please,” I pleaded, gasping for a few breaths of air. “Don’t shoot. I’m not armed.”
“Jesus,” Ian replied. “Why the hell would you make such an entrance like that?”
“It was your guards who were shooting at me!” I retorted. Sudden I was greeted by two guards who quickly grabbed my arms, preventing me from moving any farther.
“Damnit!” I yelled, trying as I might to free myself from the two men’s grip. “Let me go!”
“Sorry,” Ian told me rather painfully. “I just can’t take any chances after last time.”
“Wait!” I yelled as I was slowly being dragged away, “The Confederates are planning to attack!”
That woke him up. “Hold on,” he dictated as his guards stopped dead on their tracks. I used the opportunity to further explain.
“It’s going to be a full scale military operation. General Jackson Briggs…he’s heading the mission personally.”
Ian came face to face with me and looked me in the eyes. “And how do you know this?”
“I…” I began to think of a plausible explanation. Stating that someone sent it through my head wasn’t going to cut it. Then I remembered the girl. “I think I have someone with me that can help prove me right. She’s resting inside the back seat of my car. I think she might need medical attention.”
Ian gave his guards the nod and together they made their way to my vehicle dragging me in tow. When they finally opened the door I was shocked to find that the girl was gone. There wasn’t any evidence she was there at all.
“I swear,” I pleaded. “I swear she was in there!”
“You’re just not feeling well,” Ian tried to say in a comforting tone. It didn’t make me feel any better, seeing he didn’t believe me. “You’re really beginning to worry me. You need to sit back, relax, and get better.”
“No,” I replied. “What I need is for you to understand me! I’m serious!”
He didn’t wanna hear anymore as he left the rest up to his guards. He began to turn back to his quarters when suddenly I got the proof I need.
It was a jet flying overhead, dropping a payload of explosives near the general vicinity. Quickly the guards took their president and headed for cover, finally releasing me. Together we headed for the basement of the City Hall building. Now that he knew I was telling the truth, all focus was towards stopping the latest threat at hand.
Trish and Sienna arrived shortly after, both surprised at my sudden reappearance. We didn’t have much time for explanations however. With Silverwisp forming up a strategy we were already playing from behind. I wouldn’t be surprised if the Confederates had already dug themselves inside the city, making this even worse.
With all his military leaders in attendance I was relegated to the background. Based on all the information I gave them it was eventually confirmed that indeed Jackson Wells was leading his men in this battle. That gave them all the brilliant idea that if they cut off the head, the rest would follow. Kill Jackson, and his men would lose their morale. After all, his name is known throughout the land.
But it didn’t sit well with me. They didn’t know him like I did. They were treating him like bug just waiting to be stamped out. This was the man I loved! I made a vow that I would save him, save him from that evil that had influenced him so. The real enemy was Mabus, and I refused to see my lover become another senseless casualty.
I snuck out of the meeting, with a couple guns in tow. I thought I was in the clear, but apparently my “sisters” knew me all too well. Both Sienna and Trish saw me leave and caught up just in time to approach me.
“Where are you going?” Trish asked.
“This isn’t right,” I told her straight up. “To just straight up murder someone they don’t even know.”
“What do you mean, by don’t know?” Sienna asked, dumbfounded by my statement. “The guy has murders thousands upon thousands of Wyld! He murdered my father, my foster father, and sold me…sold US, into slavery!”
“He was my lover!” I blurted out, freezing both Trish and Sienna up like a statue.
“Look,” I said, finally calming down. “I don’t know what will happen. He might live, he might die. But this is my responsibility. I have to end this, for my sake.”
Trish broke the silence by handing me a walkie talkie. “I’ll be close by. Let me know if you need anything.”
I nodded as she walked back inside. However, Sienna didn’t budge.
“Sienna,” I called to her.
“I’m not leaving,” she defiantly replied. “I too have things that need resolved.”
I sighed. I knew I couldn’t stop her. I feared that if she came along she might just go through with her vengeance. However, if she had to face him it would be better off by my side. At least then I can watch her.
“Come on then,” I relented as I made my way through the streets of downtown. I just hope that she will be more help than burden.
I was inching closer to my destination. Somewhere I knew that Jackson was here, commanding his troops to very much end the lives of those living here, Wyld or not. The more troops I saw littered on the streets more I was certain that he wasn’t too far now. Still I had to be cautious; one misstep may cost us victory.
Seeing a motorcade heading our direction I immediately grabbed Sienna and together took cover inside an abandoned building. It was spacious, much like a warehouse or a storage facility. With very few places to hide it wouldn’t be wise to stay here long.
My walkie talkie began to speak again. “Scott,” Trish began, “have you uncovered Jackson’s whereabouts?”
“Not yet,” I responded. “I’m closing in on him though. I can just feel it.”
My attention focused on my conversation I was totally aware of what was going on behind me.
“So what are you going to do when you find him?” Sienna, in a rather resentful tone, asked me.
I was rather confused at what she was getting at. Wasn’t it obvious what I was gonna do?
“Are you gonna fuck him?” She question, leaving me in shock. “Are you gonna jump all over his pulsing cock, just like Ian?”
“Sienna, what are you talking about?” I said, seeing her anger boiling to the surface.
She finally snapped. “What’s so wrong about me!?” She screamed holding her gun directly in front of me. “Every time I get close to you you brush me aside like I wasn’t even there! Is it because I’m a woman? I thought you were once a man; that you found women attractive! To be deceived so…I would’ve taken a bullet for you!” She paused and suddenly began to let out a maniacal laugh, frightening me to death.
“…I guess instead you’ll be taking the bullet for me!” She shot me point blank at the chest, dropping me to my knees. I knew, then and there, that this wasn’t Sienna any longer, but another pawn, manipulated by Mabus to prevent me from disrupting his plans.
“S…Sienna,” I gasped. She responded by planting another bullet within my shoulder.
“You don’t deserve love!” she yelled as she backhanded me, hard enough to send me flying a short distance, landing on a stack of metal pipes and rusted chains, causing them to come down upon me.
With a few broken bones and open wounds I struggled mightily to break out from under the debris. I didn’t have time to wait to heal, as the totally insane Sienna found a container of gasoline inside this place, and was eagerly willing to light this whole building up to ensure my demise.
“If I can’t have you,” she screamed as she began to pour the gasoline towards my relative direction, “no one can!”
She took out a pack of matches from her pant pocket. If she succeeded, not even my regeneration could keep me from dying. After all my wounds, I was fighting tooth in nail just to keep from going into shock. This is it, I thought to myself. I would have thought this would be the time my life would flash before my eyes; unfortunately my mind couldn’t make up which “life” that would be.
Luckily my brain didn’t have to think hard on that one, as from behind I could see the sudden electric shock stiffen her up like a board, and suddenly she fell to ground, out cold. It was Trish, coming from literally out of nowhere to save my hide.
“Sis!” she cried as she ran over to me. Luckily at this point my wounds healed up enough that I could actually sit up and rummage out from underneath the rubble, even though my leg was still broken and dislocated.
“Hold still,” she told me as she helped heal with her nanomachines, which greatly reduced the time and energy expended. It didn’t help much however. While healed physically, mentally I was already drained. Immediately I fell into Trish’s bosom, her catching me as I collapsed.
“What happened?” She asked, obviously a little shaken that she had to taze her good friend in order to save me.
“Mabus,” I answered. “That’s his power…using emotions to manipulate people. Just like me.”
“Shit,” she gasped. “We need to get you to safety. You’re too used up to continue.”
“No!” I refused, “I have to do this. This is my fight!”
“But you’ve used too much energy!” she insisted. “You’ll pass out!”
“Trust me,” I said as I broke free from her embrace. With all my determination I will myself back on my feet. I wasn’t going to stop now. I had to save him!
“You were always a stubborn girl, you know that?” she said as she gave a smirk. She grabbed my hand and I felt a surge of energy running into me. I knew, she just expended all of her power, sending all her nanomachines into my body. It was now her turn to collapse onto the ground.
“Call it a quick pick me up,” she said to me. “It’s got electrolytes.”
“I don’t even know what those are!” I smiled as I carried my friend over to the corner.
“Neither do I!” she joked. “Just don’t go being reckless, it won’t last forever, and it’s not like your regeneration powers.” She leaned over the wall, trying to fight off the fatigue. “I’ll watch little sleepyhead here, you go get your man!” I worried that she wouldn’t be able to make it, but I nodded at her in agreement anyway, and after rearming myself, I rushed out the door and back on the trail.
After a few minutes scouting it didn’t take long for me to finally discover Jackson’s hiding place. It was Marcus’s cathedral, which was now fortified by his personal guardians. Luckily for me I knew the back way in, something they obviously hadn’t caught on to. It was a secret escape, just in case of a surprise attack like this one. Reaching the end of the underground tunnel, I pulled on the secret lever, which moved the sliding bookshelf that hid this passage, and found myself in Marcus’s chamber.
Opening the door I began to look around the hall. No one was present which surprised me. For it being heavily fortified they weren’t very cautious. You would think they would keep guard of this area, or at least patrol it on occasion. You would think that these kind of errors are a blessing, but I knew better. I just might be walking straight into a trap.
I made my way into the altar, and right there he was- Jackson. He may have aged ten years but I could recognize the same man I had loved once before. Yet his eyes weren’t anything like his former; their warmth was replaced by a gaze as cold as steel.
“What a mockery,” he said as he looked at me with utter disgust. “Monsters trying to find God. There is no salvation for the damned. Isn’t that right, Saoirse?”
Suddenly his guards came in from behind and pointed their guns at me. I was surrounded, and yet, curiously Jackson motioned them to lower their weapons.
“There’s no point in doing that,” he yelled at his men. “She’ll just shrug the gunfire off. I know. After all I did to her any normal human would’ve easily succumbed to.”
After they dropped their weapons I then saw Jackson do the unexpected. He took his gun, and fired at his guards, murdering each and every one of them.
“I just hate interruptions, don’t you?” He quipped as he put his gun back in his holster. “I knew you would come. I did all I could to ensure your safe passage here. Would be a shame if the one who finally ended your life was someone other than myself.” That explained the lax security here.
“Jackson,” I began, “I know that isn’t you who’s doing this. The real Jackson would never act in such a fashion.”
“Oh?” He questioned. “And what would the real Jackson act like? Hmmm? Would he be the loving, caring, person of 10 years ago? The flirt? The gullible, naíve, and easily manipulated, sorry sack of a man who let his sister die because of your interference? You would like that, wouldn’t you? The former foolish Jackson Wells; wrapped around you pretty little finger. Well, let me tell you, much like Miriam, that man died long ago. Just like her, you murdered him! And now I’ve come seeking retribution!”
“I was a fool, Jackson,” I admitted to him. “I gave in to my own urges. Do you know what it’s like, to change not only from human to Wyld, but male to female? Every single change I went through just left me further and further isolated. The life I had was stripped from me, and I felt alone. And that still wasn’t any excuse for my indiscretions. I should have told you. I should have let you know I was once a man. I wish I could have restrained myself further. I don’t know why I fell for you, I truly don’t. It just happened.”
“This is getting nowhere,” he stated. “I’m growing weary of this. Nothing you will say will change the outcome of this little saga.” He pulled out a small controller. “See what this is? It’s your demise. See a press this little button, and way down south a group of soldiers will see a flashing green light on their screen, giving them the exact location for them to completely obliterate this town, and everything with it.”
“You don’t mean…” I knew what he was about to do, I just didn’t want to believe it.
He gleefully pressed the button, without saying anything else. I knew, he just gave the go ahead to launch a nuclear missile, heading straight for us.
“There’s no way out, Scott Ryan!” he yelled. “I’m ready to die, and I’m going to drag you to Hell with me!”
If you came across a fork in the road, which path would you choose?
Jackson was full blown crazy. This was Mabus’s handiwork; his masterpiece creation. He manipulated him so thoroughly that Jackson launched a nuclear missile to eradicate me. I didn’t understand why he would go to such extremes, but I know that the results of such destruction would make fine dining for the pain devouring monster.
I couldn’t focus on that now. Perhaps there was a way stop the missile dead in its tracks. I don’t know a lot about military technology, particularly weapons of mass destruction, but either way, if there was a solution to this very difficult situation I found myself in, then I had to go through Jackson first. My mind was totally set now on dealing with this man before me. There was no going back now.
“It doesn’t matter what you do now!” he cried in exuberance. “I told myself I would kill you, no matter what it takes! I would have my revenge, even if I have to take everyone with me!”
I should panic. I should fear for my very life. But that’s what Mabus wanted. I couldn’t allow that. I promised myself I would save this man. If I was destined to die then I would die, together, around my man’s arms, regret free.
“What is it?” he began to mock. “You mad? You want to fight me? I wouldn’t blame you. I would at least get back at me, even though this battle won’t change a thing. To be honest, killing you with my own hands would be far more pleasurable. So come on then, get to it, you won’t have another chance.”
I stared at him, determined. I’ve never been so motivated in my life. This needed to end now.
So with my hand on my holster, my eyes meeting his, I did the only logical thing I could do:
I pulled out my gun, dropped my clip, and laid it down on the ground.
“What it this?” he questioned, not certain what I was up to.
“I’m not going to fight you, Jackson,” I stated adamantly as I proceeded to drop the rest of my armaments. “That’s what they want. I won’t do it.”
He laughed, albeit nervously, still uncertain at what he’s witnessing. “Don’t be a fool!”
“You said it yourself,” I continued. “Win or lose, I’m still going to die. I’m not going to die fighting the man I love!”
“Love!?” he said, appalled at the thought. “You used me, just like you used Miriam! Twisted my thoughts just to take her place! You talk about love!? Your kind knows nothing of the sort!”
“That’s not what my body…my soul, tells me,” I commented. “Was all that we shared, was that not love? Did it not feel passionate, feel real? Because I remembered, and it wasn’t just some casual one night stand. It was the two of us, feeling each other in a deeper, much more spiritual manner, like our souls were in complete synchronization with each other. What would you call that if not love?”
He was beginning to crack, I could see it. He pulled out his gun in self defense and began to to threaten me with it. “Damnit!” he yelled. “Why don’t you fight me? I’ll kill you, you know that!”
“If that makes you feel more at ease,” I replied, “then I’ll gladly give it. Anything to free you from your pain.”
My nonviolent disposition shocked Jackson. He truly believed I would fight him. Why did he assume so? For so long he was made to believe I was some succubus, I never wanted to be Miriam. I never wanted to be a woman at all.
“This is a trick,” he assumed. “This was the same trick you used on me to kill Miriam! I know it!”
“Do you really think I killed her?” I asked. “I once loved her. Actually, I still do, even now. She gave me a place to call home, and taught me how to be the woman I once was. I didn’t love to spite her, Jackson. I loved you because you were there for me. My mind and my body were feeling all these feelings. I was confused, and upon retrospect, I should’ve tried harder to restrain myself. But she understood. She knew I was a woman now, and she knew that she couldn’t offer me the same affection that she could when I was male. She gave me her blessing, Jacks. She wanted me to be happy, regardless of how or with whom. And I know deep down she wanted you to be happy too.”
“Stop it!” he growled as his arm began to shake. I was getting through to him, seeing how hesitant he was at pulling the trigger. “Stop lying to me!”
“Fight him, Jackson,” I implored him. “The voice inside your head isn’t yours. You’re stronger than this!”
“Stop…messing…with…my,” he began to kneel in utter pain as he held his head. It was like he was having a massive migraine attack, albeit a lot worse. The blood began to flow from his nostrils, his eyes red and bloodshot. Mabus had been inside his head for so long it became a part of him, and now it was damaging him physically as he tried to cast him out. I began to panic. I wanted him to fight, but I didn’t expect this! If this keeps up…
“Jackson!” I cried. It was no use though. He was in his own world, fighting tooth in nail for control. He was trapped in his mind, unaware of the toll it was taking to his body. Blood was rushing down his face like a fountain. I couldn’t bear looking. He was losing too much blood. If feared he might die.
I never felt so hopeless in my life. The screams, the torment; this was the most traumatizing experience in my life, even above Miriam’s death. I could only do one thing, pray. Please…please don’t die!
Beating his head against the ground, trying anything to get Mabus out his head; it only made the notion of his survival even less likely. I needed a miracle.
“Let me help,” I heard as a hand was placed on my shoulder. It was that girl I found back at the lake, still naked with only my blanket wrapped around her.
“Y-you,” I stuttered, “you were…”
“Thank you,” she said. “Your strength gave me strength to break the chains of my own past. Allow me to assist you in his battle.”
“Can you save him?” I asked.
“I can only do what I can,” she said. With her hand clenched tightly around her blanket she raised her arm and cried. “Now, Mabus, my dear brother...there will be no more pain…no more suffering. You will be stopped, here and now!”
She put her hands up to the temples of her forehead, and suddenly her eyes went eerily cold, as if she was no longer in her body. Much like earlier with me, I could almost one hundred percent verify that she was inside Jackson’s head as of right now, battling her brother for control over him. It must’ve been hell for Jackson as his hands rose from the ground and towards the sky and he let forth a blood curdling scream. A second later his battered body fell lifeless to the floor. The battle, for all intensive purpose, was over.
“Jackson!” I yelled as I rushed over to him. I set his head across my lap, my clothes stained in his blood as I held him close in my arms. He was alive, but barely.
“S..Saoirse,” Jackson struggled to get out as he laid helpless on the ground before me. It was a name I hadn’t heard for a long time. He remembered.
“Jacks!” I cried with tears in my eyes. Why did it have to come to this?
“I…I didn’t mean…all those things,” Jackson stated. “I was childish, it was so difficult to believe you were…”
“I know,” I told him, trying to put his mind at ease.
“No,” he countered. “When I found out you were once male, I couldn’t help but feel betrayed. When I realized you were once Miriam’s boyfriend, I felt even worse.”
“I shouldn’t have taken it this far!” I exclaimed. “I was stupid.”
“No,” he denied, struggling to take in his deep breaths. “It…it was me who kept pushing. You couldn’t help what you’d become. You just acted on instinct.”
“I could’ve held back,” I tried to tell myself.
“I don’t know how it got this far,” he continued, “but once the anger latched on it refused to let go…making me worse and worse. I could’ve lived with it…I said I would do anything just to be with you. I’m so happy that you were the one to finally free me.”
Trying to hold back tears as I saw the life fading from him, I recited the same words Miriam had said to me so long ago.
“No matter what the circumstances, we are one. No matter where we go, or what we may become, we will always find each other. For you’re the yang to my yin, the love of my life, and through all of this, the proof of our union is justified.”
He grinned, “That sounds like something Miriam would’ve made up.”
I giggled slightly in between the sobs, knowing these last seconds would be our last. “She was a great teacher.”
“I see,” he said coughing up blood. He looked at me and smiled. “Y-you w-would’ve made a great wife. Please…l-live. Live…for me now.” His body went limp as the last breaths of life left him.
I sat there, stroking his dead face as he lay lifeless on my lap. The young woman, the former Mythos, once again put her hand on my shoulder, this time for emotional support. I knew she did what she could. I couldn’t hate her for it.
I didn’t know what else to do. The bomb would hit Toledo in mere minutes. Whatever few minutes I had left, I would spend it with him, waiting for a miracle.
I never believed in miracles. I always thought there was meaning to everything, even this Wyld phenomena. At this night that changed. I truly felt Jackson’s final words resonate with me, and somehow, something made me feel at ease, like everything was going to be all right. When I saw the missile off to the horizon, I wasn’t scared, and when it blew up in the atmosphere above us, I believed it was Jackson, sending me one last gift, even after death. I knew, he would be there, protecting me. It was now my job to carry out his last wish.
Morning came. The battle was over, but we weren’t celebrating. The casualties were heavy, and even though the bomb never hit us. Somehow, someway, it drifted into space, and blew up beyond our reach. Whatever did it, we just accepted it.
A certain someone came to my room that day. It was that girl. It was rather convenient; I could now thank her for all she did.
“I wanted to apologize I could not save him,” she said, feeling guilty over it.
I responded not by words but by actions. I gave her a heart filled hug and simply replied, “Thank you.”
“I…don’t understand,” she said, rather dumbfounded.
“Without you, I could have never found peace,” I explained, “from my past, from my mistakes, and from me. Without you, I wouldn’t have any resolution, and although it wasn’t the way I would’ve hoped, I won’t live my life with any more regrets. Neither Jackson or Miriam would want that.”
“I thought you would hate me,” she assumed. “I failed.”
“Never,” I said. “I could never hate you, um…”
“Leandra,” she answered for me. “My name was…is Leandra.”
“So, then, Leandra,” I said with a smile on my face, “What do you plan on doing now? You could always live here in Toledo. I’m sure it’s way more comfortable than living in a swamp.”
“To be a part of society again,” she imagined. “I hope one day I can take you up on that offer. However, as long as my brother still exists, I’m afraid my job isn’t done. What I did last night only stunned him, to say the least. He will return, and I must stop him, permanently.”
“I hope you can,” I said, “Just be careful. If you need any help, don’t forget you have friends here.”
“Friends,” she repeated, “I haven’t heard that word in a long time.” She made her way to the door. “Thank you, Scott Ryan.”
“It’s Saoirse now,” I corrected, “and I think it’s about time everyone knows it.”
With help from Ian, I decided to call all my friends over for a meeting. It was time for me to lay all my cards out on the table for everyone to see.
“I loved that man,” I told them bluntly. “The man you saw, you fought the past 10 years, that wasn’t him. What you saw earlier, that was my love. I could tell in his eyes the pain he had. The guilt for all the atrocities he committed. I thought I felt it all…but I never felt this.”
I paused a second to gather my thoughts and continued. “Miriam couldn’t love me exactly as I was. As we grew distant Jackson entered the picture. Something within me blossomed and all of a sudden I fell for him. I was so happy, so at peace with myself, I could have dropped everything- every masculine thought and behavior, just to be with him. And I did. My mind naturally became more feminine, seeing I wasn’t fighting it anymore, but rather instead embrace it. I purposely made myself behave like a girl.”
That might have shocked a couple people. To believe at one point I was actually embracing my femininity might have a tough sell.
“The name Saoirse was given to me on the fly by Miriam. Means Freedom. I suppose that’s how I feel now. I don’t want to go back. I don’t want to hide my true nature any longer. I’ve lost two of the most important people in my life. But Jackson gave me something just before he died. He gave me the strength to finally forgive myself. Today I can accept what I should have accepted 10 years ago. My name is no longer Scott Ryan. My name is Saoirse Ryan. I am no longer a man, I am a woman, and I am ok with that. For the rest of my time on this very earth, however long that may be, I will live my life to the fullest, and not think twice about what could have been. And I will be happy. Thank you guys for being there for me. I truly love each and every one of you, you don’t even know.”
I walked out of the room feeling like a brand new woman. I finally felt relieved for the first time in a long time. Thank you, Jackson, my love.
“Hold on!” I heard someone scream as I continued to walk down the hall. Sienna was running heavily trying to catch up with me. Apparently Mabus was weakened enough that his influence on her waned.
She finally closed in on me, panting rather heavily. I stared at her and asked, “What’s up?”
I could see the pain in her eyes. Obviously she was feeling guilty from earlier. It wasn’t her fault, but I knew how it felt when Mabus controlled me. I couldn’t help but feel for her.
She gained enough courage and began to apologize profusely. “I’m so sorry!” she cried as she wrapped her arms around me in a truly heartfelt embrace. “I was so stupid! I was so upset and heartbroken with you and Ian and all.”
I tried to get her to slow down. “Sienna,” I said.
It was to no avail though. She just laid everything out there on the open as her emotions continued to flood out.
“I should be more accepting of your desires!” She continued. “I mean, you like guys, it’s totally understandable. I mean, you are a woman and all, it’s only natural, I mean, maybe not for me, but for you…I shouldn’t have been so surprised and-“
I raised my voice as I tried to get in a word or two. “Sienna!” I cried. She immediately paused and I went in for the kill; planting a nice juicy kiss on her succulent lips.
Her eyes wide and totally speechless I finally was able to get my point across. “Yes, I do find guys attractive,” I admitted, feeling no shame as I did so. “But…” Putting my face up next to her pointy ear I seductively whispered, “I never said I didn’t love women too.”
She gave me another kiss and I couldn’t help but indulge myself in the euphoria of it all. With all my hormones building I decided maybe it was time to get to know my little Fuzzball just a little better.
“So,” I flirted, “You said you could show me how wonderful it was being a woman. Perhaps now I’m willing to take you up on that offer. Maybe you can show me what that bushy little tail of yours can do.”
She picked me up as I held onto her shoulders. It’s amazing how quickly her mood changed. Then she remarked excitedly. “Guess we oughta get a room then!”
And so begins the next chapter. I didn’t think this fight was all over. It never is. But for now I can truly begin my new life. My life as Saoirse Ryan.
Epilogue:
Kneeling on the floor, wrapped in her kimono, Kami took a sip of her tea as she heard the sudden ring of her videophone. She pressed a button, and a young woman appeared on her screen
“I’m sorry, Kami-chan,” the young lady apologized profusely. “Whatever mental signals this ‘Mabus’ had released disappeared. Forgive me, my mind wasn’t strong enough.”
“Do not be so hard on yourself Emily,” said the tactful untamed. “One thing you can at least say about this foe is he is very deceptive. He obviously knows we’re after him.”
“So what do we do then, my lady?” Emily asked.
“There is only one thing we can do unfortunately,” She replied. Both of them knew what that meant: they must wait. “Still, this was not a complete loss. Thanks to Miss Ryan his plans have faltered entirely. Perhaps with a little mediation this war may finally come to an end.”
Kami proceeded to put her hand over her head, which concerned Emily. “Kami-chan, are you alright?”
“It took a lot of willpower sending that missile into space,” she stated. “It took a lot out of me. I’m not invincible as you may think, Emily.”
“Will you be okay?” she asked.
“Of course, dear,” she insisted. “Please, mind not of my ailments.” She began to look her over from beyond the screen. “I can sense much stress in you as well. Perhaps it is you who needs a vacation?”
“Oh no,” She countered shaking her head, “I couldn’t bear leaving during such troubled times.”
“The best worker is one who knows what she works for,” she stated. “Go to your family, take some time off, and recuperate. You may never know if you’ll get another opportunity.”
Bowing graciously she replied, “You’re too kind, my lady. I will follow your advice then.” She bowed once more and the connection dropped.
Now alone, Kami took another sip of her tea. She sighed, realizing the difficulty of the future.
“Mabus,” She said aloud. “So much you wish the world destroyed. Your true happiness lies in the destruction of others. But once it’s said and done- what then? I know not what you plan, but I will hunt you to the ends of this universe and beyond. You will be dealt with, for the sake of humanity, Wyld and human alike.”
The end...