Part One
By, Jessica Roberts
Sarah Stood outside the bathroom door, listening to the sound of her younger brother, she was starting to really worry, he had been sick before but from the sound Inside the bathroom she knew that something major was wrong.
Chris had been sick now for at least 6 months, she was the first to notice the changes long before anyone else In the family. At first It was just little things that she noticed, It all seemed to start with terrible migraines, soon after that he seemed to be taking dizzy spells and then there was also the fact that Chris used to weigh 135 pounds which was small compared to most of the guys his age but over the last 6 months he had dropped down to about 105 pounds.
"Chris are you alrIght?" Sarah asked loudly.
" I will be alrIght Sarah, I'm just sick to my stomach." I managed to answer her before I started vomiting again.
"Are you sure Chris, maybe I should call mom." Sarah asked.
"No Sarah, I will be alrIght, I don't want to bother anyone.
After I stopped vomiting I could barely lift myself off the floor, I was feeling really dizzy and could barely stand., "Sarah can you help me?" I cried out..
Sarah slipped her arms around me and helped me back to my bed and covered me with a blanket, she then left and returned with a glass of water, here you will need this she said and lifted It to my lips.
I managed to take a small sip from the glass without bringing It back up and turned to Sarah.
"I don't think I am going to make It to my appointment" I said referring to the neurologist my family doctor arranged for me to see In two weeks.
"Sarah I think you better call an ambulance", I said weakly.
"AlrIght Chris, just don't leave me", Sarah said In tears, and then ran to call for help. I slowly closed my eyes and slipped Into a deep sleep.
Henry and Kelly Roberts arrived at the hospital and found Sarah busy talking with a nurse, and made their way over to where Sarah was standing, "How’s Chris doing?", asked Henry.
"The doctor Is checking him out right now, the doctor wants to send him down for a CAT scan and a MRI, but first there are some forms we need you to sign.", explained the nurse.
The paperwork took about 10 minutes to fill out, and then Henry handed It back to the nurse, and joined his family In the waiting room.
"There sending him down for some tests, It will be about an hour before they know anything." Henry explained to his wife.
"An hour later, a doctor came out of the emergency ward and called out, "Mr. and Mrs. Roberts"
"Over here", Henry said and made his way over to where the doctor was standing, followed by Kelly and Sarah.
"I am Dr. Gettings, and I was asked by Dr. Anderson to take over your son's case, your son is very sick, he has a brain tumor, which Is causing an Increased pressure on his brain. This explains the headache, nausea, vomiting, and drowsiness and all of the other symptoms that he has been experiencing. We need to operate as soon as possible, there Is a strong chance the longer we wait the lower the chance of survival.", Dr. GettIngs.saId sadly.
"Do whatever you can do to save our son" Kelly said to Dr. Gettings.
"I need you to fill out the medical releases, and to authorize the use of blood products.", explained Dr. Gettings.
"Honey I will take care of the paperwork, why don't you and Sarah have a seat and I will join you as soon as I am finished." Henry said then followed Dr. Gettings over to the nursing station to fill out the medical releases.
After all the paperwork was finish, a nurse joined the Roberts In emergency, and took them down to visit with their son before he went down to surgery. Henry walked around the side of the bed and took his sons hand Into his, It was so small compared to his own.
"Son I don't know If you can hear me, but I hope you can, I just wanted you to know how proud I am of you, I couldn't have asked for a better son, I need you to be brave now and fight. I know that I have haven't always been the greatest father and tend to put work ahead of everything, but I want you to understand something, I love you and whatever It takes I will be there for you no matter what happens." Henry said as tears ran down the side of his face.
"Baby you need to be strong like your father said, you're not alone remember that honey, you have a family that loves you.", Kelly said to her son.
"All I am going to say Is you better hurry up and get better otherwise I am going to kick your ass, you already know how much I love you. So I will see you once It's over with." Sarah said then leaned down and gave her brother a hug and kiss on the cheek.
There It Is, can you give me a bit more light asked the doctor as he used the laser to cut out the tumor, It's not as bad as the scans showed, said Dr. Gettings to the nurse. That’s good, What is his prognosis asked the nurse. I would say with the pressure gone, and the tumor removed, we can expect a full recovery." explained Dr. Gettings to the nurse.
"Wake up", someone said lightly shaking me.
"Oh my head", I said weakly
"Do you know your name", asked the unseen voice.
"Chris", I said weakly.
"Do you know where you are?" said the voice.
"In the hospital", I replied.
"What Is the date?" asked the unseen voice.
"November 2, 2010", I said weakly.
"Good, get some sleep honey, I will be back to check on you later."
This set of questions repeated every hour on the hour, normally I would have been angry, but I was way to medicated and kept passing out afterwards. During that time I was not really In a coherent state. It was more like being on auto pilot, for the next few days and slept for most of It. Then I finely woke up things were quite different. Three days had passed since I was admitted to the hospital and I had my brain surgery.
As I opened my eyes I noticed a window across from me that overlooked the mountains, I couldn't get over how beautiful It looked to my sore eyes, I never would have even noticed It before, but after coming so close to death, I was thankful just to be alive and able to enjoy even a small thing like this.
I noticed that my neck felt funny and as I reached up to touch It and felt a weird brace around my neck that felt like It was made to keep my head stationary. Then I noticed all the wires attached to me that were running to different machines In the room. I tried moving my legs and found that I didn't have much control of them at all, It was like I was paralyzed from the waist down.
This scared me and I reached for the button that was wrapped around the side of my bed and pressed It. A few minutes later a nurse came through the door, "I see you're finely awake." said the nurse .
"I can't move my legs", I said cutting her off
"Your legs are fine honey, It's just going to take some time for you to recover enough to use them.", the nurse explained
"Is there anything I can get you" asked the nurse.
"Something to drink would be nice", I said with a smile.
"Sure, I will be back In a few minutes honey." The nurse said and then left.
I thought about my life and everything that I had experienced up to now, If was funny but, I felt strange Inside, the memories felt somewhat detached, almost like something I read In a book and hadn't personally experienced. This really bothered me but I figured It had to be related to the brain surgery.
The nurse returned a few minutes later carrying a small plastic glass of Ice water and a straw, and handed It to me." , take small sips Chris. If you drink It to fast you will get sick. the nurse said then left.
Eventually the morphine kicked In again, and I slipped back Into dreamland. It's hard to explain but there Is something about falling asleep medicated. It took dreams to a whole other level, everything felt so real and I didn't want to wake up, In my dreams I had everything I ever wanted. It was the perfect life I was the person I was always meant to be and even had someone that loved me, this was the life I wanted.. The only problem was I couldn't stay In this world forever, eventually I would wake up and return to a world I truly hated.
"Maybe we should let him sleep honey". I heard mom say.
"Mom, Sarah", I said weakly.
"Chris you're awake.", Sarah said and then came over and gave me a hug.
"How are you feeling Chris?" mom asked.
"Like someone drilled a hole Into my head, and ripped something out, other than that I am feeling alrIght, but on the brighter side whatever there giving me for pain, causes the most amazing and realistic dreams I have ever had.", I said with a smile.
"The nurse said It was morphine", Mom said as she took a seat next to my bed.
"So what happens now?" I asked mom.
"Well the good news, Is they were able to remove the tumor, and there was less damage then what the doctor first thought, he says that you will make a full recovery, It's just going to take some time, and physiotherapy." Mom explained.
"So how long Is It going to be before I can come home?" I asked mom.
"It's going to be at least a few weeks honey." Mom said sadly.
"Don't worry, I will visit you every day, and you will be walking again In no time." Sarah said with a smile.
I looked over at my sister, "you've done enough already, If It wasn't for you Sarah I wouldn't even be here." I said In tears.
"Sorry, I know that I shouldn't be crying but I can't seem to help myself." I said softly.
"It's alrIght Chris, It's not your fault, and the doctor said this would happen." Mom explained to me.
I found myself thinking about my life and everything I had gone through, I had thought many times about taking my own life , I was tired of pretending to be something I wasn't. The sad part was there was still a part of me that wanted to die, even though I was giving a second chance at life I still wasn't happy and knew that I had to do something about It. I really didn't want to throw away this second chance I had been giving.
At the moment I wasn't strong enough to handle coming out to my parents, I needed time to heal and pull myself together, but I knew that It needed to be done soon. If I told them now they would likely just dismiss what I had to say and write It off because of my medicated state or blame It on the brain tumor.
The three of us talked for a while, and I found myself starting to drift off again, at the moment I had very little energy and slept most of the time. I knew In time that would change but for now I needed my rest.
"What's wrong honey?" Mom asked looking over at me.
"Sorry mom, I am just tired out", I said softly.
"Do you want us to leave so you can get some sleep honey, we can come back later. "Mom said softly.
"would you mind staying till I am asleep, I really don't want to be alone right now.." I said weakly.
"Sure honey, I am not going anywhere, just get some sleep." mom said softly.
Sarah and her Mother stayed with Chris until he was fast asleep, and quietly talked.
"Henry arrived a few minutes later and joined them, "how's he doing?" Henry asked his wife.
"I could use a cup of coffee, I will fill you In on the way.." Kelly said to her husband.
"Could you bring me something back, I am going to stay with Chris, he might wake up and I want to be here If he does.." Sarah said to her parents.
"He could be out for a while honey, are you sure?" Henry said to his daughter.
"It's alrIght Daddy, I don't mind waiting.."
Sarah climbed Into bed and laid next to her brother, she had a hard time believing the kid lying next to her was her brother, he had become so frail over the last few months, If anything he looked more like her little sister then her brother.
He was never the biggest kid, and compared to other boys he was always small In comparison, but now he weighed less than she did and over the last few months his hair had grown out, It was almost as long as hers now, he refused to have It cut, even though he was often mistaking for a girl.
Sarah looked over at Chris, she could see a smile appear on his face, and could tell whatever his dream was, It was a happy one. As she listened Chris began talking In his sleep, but the voice sounded nothing like Chris's normal voice, It sounded softer and more like a girl's voice then a boys. Sarah thought she would have some fun, and try talking to Chris just to see If she would get a response.
"Who are you talking to Chris", Sarah said softly.
"Adam", Chris said Incoherently.
"Who Is Adam" Sarah asked her brother and waited for a response.
"He's my boyfriend, you know sis, you're the one that Introduced us, and stop calling me Chris, you know how much I hate that name." Chris said softly.
Sarah looked over at her brother, unsure of what was going on, "Well what should I call you then?"
"Christine, or ChrIssy I don't care just stop calling me Chris.."
Sarah couldn't believe what she was hearing, "Chris was dreaming that he was a girl, and even sounded like one." She started to wonder If the medication was causing the dreams, or If It was something else, but as she watched her brother he looked so happy.
"I love you too Adam", Chris said softly and Sarah could see he was blushing.
Sarah began to wonder If Chris secretly wanted to be a girl, he sure sounded like one at the moment, she would have to have a talk to him about It, but for the moment she would keep It to herself, the last thing Chris would want Is for this to get out at least until he was ready for It to come out.
This did explain a lot though, Chris was never really the manliest of guys and always seemed to enjoy the company of girls rather than guys. If It was true and he wanted to become a girl she would do anything she could to help as far as Sarah was concerned, all that mattered was his happiness and If that meant losing a brother and gaining a sister she wouldn't have a problem with It.
Sarah stayed with Chris for about an hour before her parents arrived, she wanted to talk to them about what she observed earlier but she knew It wasn't a good Idea and honestly didn't know how they would take the news. She knew that It was best If It came from Chris, but she did plan on confronting him about It the first chance she got .
"He's still sleeping I see" said Henry to his daughter
"He must be exhausted", Sarah said softly.
"Maybe we should come back after supper", Kelly said aloud.
"That sounds like a good Idea", Henry said to his wife.
"I am just going to stay, I' m sure that he will wake up soon and will want some company." Sarah told her parents.
"Are you sure you could be here for a while honey." Kelly said to her daughter.
"Just leave me a few bucks, so I can grab something to eat later." Sarah said with a smile.
"AlrIght honey, we will be back sometime after 5pm", Henry said and handed Sarah twenty dollars.
I woke up a few hours later and found Sarah laying down beside me, had she been there the whole time, I couldn't help but smile as I looked over at her,
"how long was I out?" I asked her.
"Just a few hours", Sarah explained.
"Where are mom and dad?" I asked her.
"They left a couple hours ago." Sarah replied.
"Sarah I appreciate It but you didn't have to stay, It couldn't have been much fun for you." I said sadly.
"It's alrIght, I wanted to stay until you woke up, and besides I think the two of us need to have a little talk, don't we Christine." Sarah said rather smugly.
"How do you know about Christine?" I asked somewhat scared.
"Actually you were the one that told me, you seemed to be having a good dream, you were talking In your sleep, so I tried talking to you while you were sleeping and you told me everything." Sarah said softly.
"So I suppose you're going to till mom and dad?" I said looking Sarah In the eyes.
"Chris I would never tell them, It's up to you to do that, but If you really want to be a girl, you should tell mom and dad. It doesn't matter to me one way or another If I have a sister or brother, I just want you to be happy." Sarah said then leaned over and gave me a hug.
'You really mean that", I said In tears.
"Of course I mean It whither you're a boy or girl your still family. I just wish you would have come to me I would have tried to help." Sarah said sadly.
"I was scared to tell anyone, I was afraid you would think that I was some kind of freak." I said In tears.
"Chris you are a freak, you have always been a freak, but you're my brother and I love you, don't you ever think I would ever turn my back on you, over something as silly as this." Sarah said In tears herself.
"Since I woke up, from the surgery, It's been on my mind a lot, I thought about telling mom and dad, but I was afraid they wouldn't believe me and try to say It was the medication or related to the brain tumor being removed but I have always felt this way."
"It's been really hard holding It all Inside, I hate the person I see when I look In the mirror and sometimes It gets so bad I think about ending It all, but I don't want to die now, I want to live, but what I was doing before didn't work, I can't hide from the truth I am a girl, and I have always been.", . Does that make any sense at all Sarah." I said In tears.
"It makes perfect sense Chris, If you have always believed that you were a girl Inside, how could you ever be happy living as a boy." Sarah said softly.
"Do you really think mom and dad would understand If I told them the truth Sarah?"
"Yes I think they would understand that you believe you are a girl Inside, they might have a harder time accepting It though, but I think between the two of us we can make them understand that you need to do this, If you really want to be happy." Sarah said as she held me.
"Then you will help break the news to mom and dad Sarah?"
"Of course I will Chris, you're going to need all the help you can get." Sarah said with a smile.
"The big question Is when do you want to tell them? It might be best sooner than later, being In the hospital now they might be able to arrange for someone to come In and see you." Sarah explained.
"I know you're right Sara, but It's pretty scary." I said softly.
"It's got to be done though, otherwise nothing will ever change." Sarah explained.
"Mom and Dad will be back after supper, we can tell them then, If that Is what you want. I am here, so you don't have to do It alone." Sarah said with a smile.
I looked over at Sarah, It would be easier, and Sarah already knew the truth and seemed to understand and accepted me. Mom and Dad would likely have a harder time with It considering there was a generation gap. I knew they would try to accept things but I wasn't a fool to believe things were going to be easy.
It was 5:30pm when our parents arrived, Sarah and I spent most of the afternoon talking, and now that she knew my secret and seem comfortable with It the two of us were finely able to talk as sisters for the first time In our lives. We had talked about boys, makeup and a whole bunch of other things. When mom and dad joined us I felt a bit nervous because I was unsure how they were going to take the news.
"I see your finely awake", Dad said as he entered the room.
"HI Dad, It's nice to see you, It's nice to see you too mommy, Sarah and I have been talking and there's something that I need to talk to you about. I have been afraid to tell you until now, but considering everything that has happened I just can't hide It from you anymore." I said sadly.
Mom and Dad took a seat next across from Sarah and me, "So what's this all about son?" dad asked looking concerned as did mom.
"That's just the thing Dad I am not your son. I have never really been your son at least not mentally, I have always been a girl Inside."
Both mom and dad looked shocked from what I just told them, dad was the first to speak, "Son I think you're just confused, your head Is all messed up from the operation, and the medicine doesn't help either."
"No Dad, I have felt this way all of my life, and because of It I thought of taking my life more than once, but after everything that has happened I don't want to die anymore, I want to live, but not as this, not as a boy, I want to be a girl." I said In tears.
"Honey, are you sure this Is really what you want", Kelly said to her son.
"Yes, It's what I have always wanted, the only thing that has changed Is I am no longer going to pretend to be something I am not, Inside I am a girl and nothing Is going to change that and I will do whatever It takes to become a girl completely, but for me to do this I am going to need your help." I said reluctantly.
Kelly and Henry sat there In silence, as they took In what their son just told them, It was Sarah who was next to speak, "Mom, Dad Chris Is telling you the truth, If you really look Into your hearts you can see he has never really been like other boys, I find all this hard to believe also but I do believe him, and If this Is what It takes for him to be happy then we need to help him Its better to have another daughter then a son that wants to take his own life." Sarah said firmly.
"This Is too much to take, you just had major surgery and now you're saying you want to have a sex change." Dad said shaking his head.
"I have always wanted to be a girl dad, the only difference now Is I am not hiding who I am anymore. I have been giving a second chance and I refuse to throw It away, believe me, I am happy to be alive right now but how long will It take before the old feelings come back, and eventually things will get so bad that I just end up taking my life because I can't stand living like this.." I said sadly.
"Honey there's plenty of time to deal with this later at the moment the only thing we should be concentrating on his Chris's recovery we can talk to the doctor maybe he can arrange for Chris to talk to someone while he Is In the hospital." Kelly said aloud.
"AlrIght Chris, we will talk to Dr. Gettings about this and see If someone can come In to talk to you, but I am not saying that I am happy about any of this." Dad said sounding a bit Irritated.
"And If the doctor says, that becoming a girl Is best for me will you allow It?" I asked.
"Yes, I will allow It, only If the doctor says there Is no other choice." Dad said sadly.
"Please don't hate me for wanting to do this daddy." I said In tears.
"Chris you're my son, and I could never hate you, we might not always see eye to eye but whatever happens remember one thing I love you and always will." Dad said softly then leaned down and took me In his arms.
"I know all this Is a bit much to take, especially now but after everything that happened I feel like I have been giving a second chance at life and I don't want to waste It." I said sadly.
"Your father and I understand honey, but you need to be patient, this Is going to take time, and Isn't something you can just rush Into." Mom explained.
"I know mommy, I am just happy that the two of you were willing to listen to me. I was scared that the both of you wouldn't understand."
"Honestly Chris, your mother and I don't really understand, but we can see that this Is Important to you, It's going to take us time to work things out for ourselves, after all It's not every day a son comes to you and says he wants to become your daughter.." Dad said rather sobered.
"Has the doctor been In to see you yet?" Mom asked changing the subject.
"Not yet, but the nurse has been In a few times though to change my Intravenous, I will be glad when they take that damn thing out of me, It's really annoying." I said feeling slightly Irritated.
Over the next couple of weeks Sarah and I became closer than ever before, even though I hadn't started transitioning towards becoming a girl, she treated me as one and whenever the two of us were alone she address me as Christine and I was happy to finely not have to put on an act around her. I had met Dr. Gettings the day after I came out to my parents and was amazed that this man was capable of doing any kind of surgery, let alone brain surgery.
He was African American and stood somewhere near 6'2 or possibly taller, he was a big man, and I don't mean overweight by any means, If anything he looked like he should be playing professional football. He had a strange accent also, but what really caught my attention was his sense of humor.
He was always joking around and making me laugh, which sometimes was very painful, but I have to say I liked him from the moment he visited me. It wasn't until his third visit before he asked me about the conflict I was having concerning my gender. At first I was a little hesitant about talking to him but he assured me that I wasn't the first person he met with this problem and If I would open up to him he could help, eventually I did open up to him and he seemed to understand.
A few days later, he returned with someone new, "Good Morning Chris", Dr. Gettings said with a smile.
"Good Morning Dr. Gettings"
"I brought a friend with me this morning, I hope you don't mind", Dr. Gettings said with a big smile.
"HI Chris, I am Dr. Karen Leblanc, but you can call me Karen, Dr. Gettings called me a few days ago and asked me to come In and have a talk with you. Is that alrIght with you?" Karen asked with a smile.
"Sure, I guess that would be alrIght", I said then looked over at Dr. Gettings.
"It's alrIght Chris, she works with kids like you, and she helps them figure out If changing sexes Is the right choice." Dr. Gettings said with a smile.
I smiled, "Thank you Dr. Gettings"
"Anytime Chris, I will drop In tomorrow and the two of us will have a little chat." Dr. Gettings said then left the two of us alone.
Karen took a seat In the chair next to me then opened the clipboard she was carrying, "normally we would do this In my office, but It will be awhile before you're mobile and since It's Impossible to say no to your Doctor, here I am.
"Let's get one thing clear Chris, I am not here to judge you, my job Is to make sure that you get the best possible care, If that means you should become a girl then I will do everything In my power to help you achieve that goal." Karen said with a smile.
"This Is so unreal", I said happily.
"What so unreal?" asked Karen.
"I have wanted this all of my life and now I am starting to see that It's possible." I said with a smile.
"It's possible, but It's not going to happen overnight, and before I do anything I need to make sure that this Is the right choice for you Chris."
"I understand but know my heart, and I have known all of my life that I am a girl." I said firmly.
"You said you've known all your life Chris that you were a girl, what makes you think that?" asked Karen.
"Well I haven't always known, at least not on a conscience level, but when I look back over my life the signs have always been there." I explained.
"Tell me about It?" asked Karen.
"I guess some of my earliest memories are of spending time with my cousins, we were pretty much all the same age, and the boys always played together, they used to watch the WWE, and pretend to be the different wrestlers they would be jumping around doing all the different moves, stuff like that, they always tried to Include me but I didn't really fit In, nor did I enjoy those activities.
Most of my childhood I tried to fit In with other kids my age mostly the boys, but there was some kind of barrier between us and no matter what I did, I just couldn't seem to breach It.
"When It came to girls there wasn't a barrier, I didn't have to pretend to be something I wasn't, I could just be myself and I enjoyed spending time with them mostly because we shared all the same Interests. When I became a teenager things started to change though." I said softly
"What Changed?" Karen asked.
"Puberty hit, and I found myself attracted to boys."
"That must have been hard on you Chris?"
"It was a confusing time for me, and I didn't know what to do about It. At first I pretended to be straight and tried not to think about It, but how can you not think about It. Then the more I thought about It the more I started thinking that there was something else wrong, because the thought of being with a guy as a guy made me sick.
It was then that I started putting everything together, I guess that I have always known on some level that I was a girl Inside, but the more I thought about being a girl stuck In a boy's body the more depressed I became, and after a while, I started thinking about taking my own life because everything just seemed so hopeless." I explained to Karen In tears.
"I can see you have giving this a lot of thought Chris, and I am sure that you believe becoming a girl Is the best thing for you and I do believe that It's a possibility, but the two of us will have to talk more about It before I am willing to proceed. If It’s alrIght with you I would like to talk to your family, Is that alrIght Chris?"
"If you think It will help, I don't mind, to be honest though I am not sure how receptive my parents will be, they are having a hard time accepting the fact that I want to become a girl." I explained to Karen.
"Why did you choose now to come out, If you don't mind me asking Chris?"
"It's hard to explain, but I have wanted to take my life for a while now because, I can't stand living like this and I hate being different, I would give anything to be normal, but as long as I am stuck In this body I will never really be normal that Is why I wanted to take my own life."
"Things changed though after the Brain tumor almost killed me, I have no choice but to look at It as a second chance at life, and I don't want to waste It and I know whatever happens I will become a girl, even If I have to wait I will find a way to make It happen." I said firmly.
"Well you've giving me a lot to think about Chris, I will be back next Monday and we can continue where we left off.", Karen said with a smile.
"Thanks for coming Karen I feel better just talking to you." I said with a smile.
It was a tiring day, and my energy level was pretty low, after Karen left and orderly arrived and took me to therapy and I spent almost a half hour learning to walk using a walker, It was a painful ordeal, I almost fell on more than one occasion, If It hadn't been for my therapist I could have seriously hurt myself, by the time I made It back to my room I was completely exhausted and as soon as I hit the bed I was fast asleep.
I was awoken a couple hours later by the sound of wheels running across the floor, my dinner had arrived, . I used the switch on my bed to elevate myself Into a sitting position, and took the cover off of the tray. There was hardly anything on the plate, sitting there was a bowl of chicken soup, and one piece of bread there was also a few crackers, and a cup of tea.
The soup was nothing more than just broth with hardly any Ingredients Inside, I looked over at the cup of tea and thought to myself what 15 years old drinks tea. I wasn't Impressed, till recently I barely had an appetite, now that I had one this was all they were serving me. I pushed the tray aside and dug out my cell phone and sent Sarah a text.
"SIs, please rescue me, they're trying to starve me to death, I need real food."
"Want me to pick something up, after school?" Sarah said texting me back.
"Please Sarah all they gave me was chicken broth and tea."
"Is KFC alrIght sis?" Sarah replied.
"Perfect, grab me a diet coke too." I said In a text.
"AlrIght I will see you after school, Love you SIs", Sarah replied.
"Love you too", I replied with a smile.
Now what to do with myself I said as I looked over at the wheelchair sitting next to my bed, well I am not going to stay In bed all day, been there done that. I said to myself as I pulled my legs over the side of the bed and used my walker to brace myself until I was lined up with the wheelchair and slowly lowered myself Into It, then pushed the walker over to the side and then wheeled the chair over to the small dresser and retrieved my wallet and slipped It under my leg because I didn't have any pockets that I could place It In.
I also grabbed the extra Johnny shirt and put my arms through It and wore It like It was a normal shirt, this way I could also cover up my backside If I needed to get out of the chair. I then pushed the chair out of my room. I was still pretty weak so It wasn't easy to move the chair but I took my time, and even stopped a few times to rest, eventually I made It to the recreation room.
It was a fair sIze room, Inside there was a piano, and a big screen television, video games, and a bunch of other things, Including a small kitchen, with a fridge. I made my way over to the fridge and opened It and found that It was well stocked, I grabbed a can of diet coke from Inside and sat It on my lap, I also found quite a few tubs of Ice cream, so I took one and set It on my lap next to the can of diet coke, then grabbed a plastic spoon and wheeled the chair over to an empty table and sat everything on top of It.
There was a remote on the table so I clicked the power button and the television came to life, after playing around with It I found the country music channel, and the music started to play. As I sat at the table I thought that maybe I should move In this room it had everything that a kid my age needed.
After I finished eating and drinking my diet coke I wheeled myself over to the garbage and though the empty container Inside and then pushed the chair over to the piano, after making sure that the wheels were locked I pulled myself up onto the bench and pulled myself over to the center and made sure my feet were setting over the petals.
Music was always my one true love, I have been playing, guitar and piano since I was 6 years old, and I also loved to sing although I had never really song In public. I didn't have much of a manly voice and was pretty sensitive about letting people hear me. Although I wasn't worried at the moment though, I had the place to myself, so I started playing, Skyscraper, by DemI Lovato and quietly began to sing along as I played the song on the piano.
When I came to the end of the song I realized that I wasn't alone, a couple people had come Into the room, a woman that looked to be In her early 40's and a young girl that looked to be around my age.
"That was beautiful, have you been playing long?" asked the older woman.
"Since, I was about 6 years old." I said with a smile.
"You can tell, by the way you play and sing" the woman said with a grin.
"I am Shelly, and this Is my daughter April."
"I'm Chris It's nice to meet the both of you."
"What's Chris short for Christine, or Christina?" asked April.
That Is when It hit me they both thought I was a girl, I knew from experience It was better to just play along otherwise people would start acting weird around me, Its short for Christine." I said with a smile.
"Mom's right though you do have a beautiful voice", April said with a smile.
"Thank you, I love to sing but I am pretty worn out, so I am not really at my best, If you know what I mean." I said and started pulling myself over toward my wheelchair.
"Here let me give you a hand", April's mother said then came over and put her arm around me and helped me Into my chair.
"Thanks, I still haven't gutting all my strength back yet."
"What happened to you?" asked April
"I had a Brain Tumor removed." I said softly.
"ShIt and you are up already." April said sounding surprised.
"I am not supposed to be but, I couldn't handle spending another day lying In bed and at least there are things to do here, whereas back In my room all I have Is four walls. I explained to April.
"What room are you In?", asked April
"Room 305, I'm just across from the nursing station." I replied.
"I am In 315, If you don't mind the company I might drop over, I get bored here too, and you're welcome to drop over to my room If you want." April said with a smile.
"April and me were just about to watch a movie, you're welcome to join us." Shelly said with a smile.
I looked over at the clock It was already 3:30pm, Sarah would be arriving soon," I would love to but my sister should be arriving pretty soon, I should be getting back to my room, maybe another time. It was nice meeting the both of you." I said with a smile and started moving the chair towards the door.
"Wait Christine, save your energy, I will push you back to your room" April said and before I had a chance to answer she was already behind me pushing the chair out of the room.
"You don't have to do this April I am perfectly able to push myself." I said softly.
"I don't really mind, It's nice to find someone In here the same age as me. All I have seen Is mostly old people and young kids around here." April said with a smile.
"What are you In for April? If you don't mind me asking" I said as she pushed me.
"I have leukemia, It's In remission right now, hopefully It's gone for good, but because of all the treatments, my Immune system Is pretty much gone. So I can get sick pretty easy. I had an Infection and the doctors wanted to admit me. I would Imagine that you're going to have to be careful too, after a surgery like you've had, your Immune system will be taxed also." April said sadly.
"Nobody has said anything to me about that?" I explained to April.
"They never do, It's something about not wanting you to worry, parents are the worst for trying to keep secrets, and mom hid the fact that I had leukemia from me for months. then one day I overheard her talking to my doctor about me.", April explained.
"She didn't want to worry you?" I said softly.
"I know, but I already knew something major was wrong with me and could tell that It was most likely going to kill me, I could feel It deep Inside." April said sadly.
"I felt the same way April, I could feel my body slowly shutting down and I had accepted the fact that I was most likely going to die, but I was lucky the doctors found It In time and thank god It wasn't cancerous.." I explained to my new friend.
"It's not easy Is It, knowing you're going to die, and keeping It to yourself", April said sadly.
"I kept most of It to myself April, I didn't want to worry my mom and dad or my sister, but In the end things got really bad.."
"Yeah ChrIssy, I know exactly what you mean" April said and I could tell from her expression she really did understand.
"Well here we are," April said pushing me Into my room
"Do you need help getting Into bed ChrIssy?"
"No I think I will just sit In my chair for now, thanks for the lift April"
"Any time ChrIssy, I might drop over later If that's alrIght?"
"Anytime April.", I said with a smile.
"AlrIght I better get back to mom." April said with a smile and left.
Over the next couple of weeks, things started to change, as always Sarah, mom and dad visited me daily. April and I spent most of our days together, by now I had progressed to the point where I was able to walk for short periods, but I still tired out pretty easily. I was sad to see April leave she had been discharged a few days earlier, and wouldn't be back to the hospital.
The two of us exchanged numbers and we talked every day, mostly about random stuff, boys, clothes, makeup. I never did tell her my secret, I enjoyed being treated as a girl and wasn't about to complicate things by telling her the truth. Karen had returned for a couple more visits and arranged for all of us to meet at the hospital later today.
I was nervous because she never told me anything she just asked questions, and I was unsure, what her diagnosis was going to be when It came to my transitioning. All she would say was for me to be patient, and that these things took time, She didn't seem to understand that the worst thing you can tell a teenager Is to be patient.
"Come on just one more set Chris and your done for the day?" Greg said with a smile.
If he wasn't so cute I would have told him where to put that last set, but I wasn't that kind of person, "I don't think I can do anymore, I am exhausted Greg." I said In pain.
"AlrIght just 2 more times and your finish Chris", Greg said finely giving In.
After I finished I needed to rest for a bit, "Here have a coke", Greg said, handing me a bottle.
"Don't be so hard on yourself, you're doing really well, most of the patients I have had that went through what you have, were nowhere near where you are right now, give It a couple weeks and you will be walking unaided." Greg said reassuringly.
"I know Greg, I just get so frustrated at times, and I am tired of having to depend on everyone else. I can't do anything, sometimes I just feel so powerless." I explained.
"It's alrIght ChrIssy, things will get better just give It a few weeks."
I smiled letting the name slip, It wasn't the first time that he called me ChrIssy, at first It was always Chris, but over the last couple of weeks ChrIssy had been slipping out, and he wasn't the only one, some of the nurses had made the same mistake.
After returning to my room I found Mom, Dad and Sarah waiting, they arrived early and I was glad to see them, "HI mommy, daddy, Sarah, you're early." I said with a smile and slowly stood up and gave them all hugs.
"Easy honey" Mom said worried that I would fall.
"It's alrIght mommy, I can stand for a while." I said then slowly lowered myself back Into my chair.
"We thought It would be nice to get you out of the hospital for a bit before we meet with Dr. Leblanc, Kelly why don't you help Chris get dressed and we'll meet the both of you In the lobby." Dad said then he and Sarah left.
"Sorry honey, but you lost so much weight that nothing at home Is really going to fit you, we will fix that once your home, I grabbed one of Sarah's track suits. It's light blue so It shouldn't be too bad." Mom said with a smile. After I finished dressing mom pulled a comb out of her purse and started combing my hair, do you think you cover my bald spot mom?" I asked.
"It's not quite bald anymore honey the hair around It Is growing in nicely." Mom said with a smile.
"So how was your morning honey?" asked mom.
"Busy and tiring", but I am getting stronger, has the doctor said when I will be able to go home?"
"Maybe next week Chris"
"I will be glad to put this place behind me." I said softly.
"So will I honey", Mom said with a smile.
"There were all done Chris", mom said putting the comb back Into her purse.
We joined Dad and Sarah In the lobby, and dad took over pushing my wheelchair, "you better let me honey, then whispered something about women drivers and grinned, and was rewarded with a slap to the back of the head by mom, which caused Sarah and I to start giggling."
It was nice to finely be outside of the hospital, and breathing In the fresh air, Dad left us for a few minutes then pulled the car up to the hospitals entrance and then climbed out and help me Into the front passenger seat. While everyone was getting Inside dad folded up my wheel chair and placed It Inside the trunk and then climbed In and started driving.
I clicked the button and lowered the window, and felt the wind against my face, It felt nice against my skin. Daddy drove for about ten minutes, and then pulled Into Boston Pizza, I loved their pizza, "Daddy you didn't have to", I said with a smile.
"I know, but I wanted to and besides, It beats the crap out of what they serve you In the hospital." Dad said as he parked the car then came around and helped me out and back Into my wheelchair.
After everyone was seated, a waitress came over to take our order, Dad ordered a large pizza and It was diet cokes all around, accept for dad he ordered a coffee. "This is really nice, I wish that I didn't have to go back to the hospital" I said sadly.
"You will be coming home soon enough honey, Your father has been setting up the house to make It easier for you once your home." Mom said as the waitress returned carrying a tray with a three diet cokes and dads coffee on It.
"Guess what Chris, were going to be roommates." Sarah said with a big smile.
"Why, there’s nothing wrong with my room?"
"The room Isn't an Issue It's the sIze and location that's the problem. You're not ready to be climbing stairs for a while without help, so until you are ready you will be sharing Sarah's room." Dad explained, It did make sense her room was on the main floor and had Its own bathroom.
"It was my Idea Chris", Sarah said with a smile.
I thought to myself, at least I could be myself with her and maybe learn a few things that would come In handy later provided Dr. Leblanc, agrees with me becoming a girl. I thought to myself, and looked over at mom, "I need to use the washroom." I said In a low voice so only my family could hear.
"I will take him", Sarah said then stood up and started pushing me towards the bathroom, "you're going to have to use the girl's washroom I am not going Into the men's room." Sarah said softly.
Once Inside Sarah helped me over to the stall and had to hold me till I could manage to get my pants down and I slowly lowered myself down unto the toilet with Sarah's help, "I am sorry about this Sarah, you shouldn't have to be doing this." I said sadly.
"It's alrIght ChrIssy If the role was reversed you would do the same for me." Sarah said with and then exited the stall and gave me some privacy.
"I don't know what I would do without you Sarah, lately I have been thinking about my life and I guess my future, I am not happy with the way things have been, before It didn't bother me being alone I guess I just accepted that things were never going to change, but I have been lonely lately, the only friend I have Is April, I know that I have you also but I guess I am tired of being alone, It's my own fault, because I push everyone away because I am jealous of them Including you Sarah.", I said softly.
"Why are you Jealous of me?" asked Sarah
"Because you're everything I am not, I would trade places with you In a second, If It meant I could be a normal girl." I said sadly.
"I love you to death Sarah, but this Is how I always felt." I replied.
"That's understandable, considering what I know now." Sarah said quietly.
"You're going to get your wish though ChrIssy, just wait and see It will happen"
"I really hope so Sarah." I replied and as I wiped myself, "I am finished Sarah"
After cleaning up Sarah and I made our way back to our table and joined mom and dad, the pizza was already waiting for us at the table. Because of all the weight I lost all I could handle was one piece, and I was completely full. After everyone ate there were a few pieces left and dad asked for a small box to place them In, that way I could have them later at the hospital.
The four of us had a nice talk over dinner I could tell that Mom and Dad were also a bit stressed about the meeting with Karen. Everything had happened rather fast and none of us really had the time to deal with It. Sarah had taking the news better than mom and dad I think It was because she had always seen me as a girl to some extent.
So It was easier for her to accept but mom and dad only saw me as a boy. It wouldn't be as easy for them to see me any other way, I wished that things could be easier for them, but I had to be honest and be true to myself, hopefully they would come to see me as their daughter.
We arrived at the hospital 15 minutes later and returned to my room, and Karen arrived a few minutes later, after the four of us were seated Karen was the first to speak.
"I asked you all here today because I wanted to discuss, how you feel about Chris becoming a girl." Karen said looking across the room at my parents, Sarah and then me.
"To be honest, I really don't know what to think, Chris Is my son, and I love him but I don't understand why he feels he needs to become a girl. It just makes no sense to me." Dad said aloud.
"I agree with my husband, this has got to be some sort of phase, he will eventually outgrow It and come to his senses, that Is what I am hoping will happen.." Mom said softly.
"Sarah do you have anything to say?" asked Karen
"As far as I am concerned I don't have a brother, I have a sister and her name Is Christine or ChrIssy for short, If this Is what she needs to be complete then I will do whatever It takes to help her." Sarah said looking over at Chris.
"I can understand how all of you feel about what Chris wants to do but first I need to make a few things clear, this Isn't a phase that will just go away, Chris has felt this way to some extent all of his life and Its very doubtful his beliefs will change, do you know that your son has thought an planned out taking his own life because he can't stand the thought of living as a boy." Karen said looking over at Chris's parents.
"Is that true son?" Dad said looking over at me.
"Yes, its true daddy, I just couldn't see any other way out." I said sadly.
"I have talked to Chris for a few weeks now, and I know that what he Is telling me Is the truth, I believe that there Is only one course of action here and the longer we wait the harder It will be for Chris to transition successfully, he hasn't really started puberty yet so If we start the process now there Is a good chance that Chris will enter puberty as a girl, It's a proven fact that the younger you start the better the results will be. I will give you some time to think about It and I will be back In an hour." Karen explained then left.
"We need to talk Kelly, let's head down to the cafeteria, we will be back later." Dad said then the two of them left.
"Damn this Is a lot to take In" Henry said aloud.
"Yeah, I didn't realize that Chris felt the way he did either" Kelly said to her husband.
"I don't like this one bit, maybe we should get a second opinion" Henry said softly.
"Something tells me, that the diagnosis wouldn't change honey." Kelly replied.
"You're properly right honey, Chris Is dead set on doing this, and the older he gets the harder It will become for him, If he does It now at least he has a future, even If It Is as a girl." Henry said flatly.
"So are you saying we should let him do this", asked Kelly to her husband.
"I don't know what I am saying right now, I just know If we don't let him, he will never forgive us and we will likely end up burying him and I would rather have another daughter then have to bury my son." Henry said sadly.
"Then were going to let him do this?" asked Kelly.
"We don't really have a choice I would rather have a daughter that's happy then a son that Is bent on taking his own life. So I guess the choice Is made." Henry said firmly.
"How do you think mom and dad are going to take It?" Chris asked Sarah.
"I think they're going to give In, It's for the best and they promised that If the doctor recommended, they would accept the doctor's diagnosis." Sarah replied.
"I'm happy the doctor agreed, but I feel bad for mom and dad. This Is going to hurt them Sarah."
"Yeah It's going to be hard for them to accept, but they know It's for the best ChrIssy."
"Thank you for what you said earlier, It meant the world to me, knowing that you're on my side. I am lucky to have a sister as understanding as you." I said leaning over and giving her a hug.
"I am your older sister It's my job to watch out for you." Sarah said with a smile.
"Well I am afraid that I will be depending on you a lot, I have lived most of my life pretending to be a boy, and I have a lot to learn about living as a woman." I explained to Sarah.
"It will be fun ChrIssy I have always wanted a little sister, and now I have one. I can't wait till you come home, I will teach you to do your own makeup, hair and everything else."
"You know that It's not going to all be fun Sarah, I am sure people are going to talk especially at school."
"True, but If anyone bothers you I want you to let me know." Sarah said with a frown.
"Maybe it would be best to switch schools, it's not like I have many friends there anyway." I said softly.
"That's true ChrIssy It would give you a chance to start over new, without any baggage." Sarah replied.
"It's something to consider anyway." I said softly.
Mom and Dad arrived back 20 minutes later, and took a seat across from me. Dad looked over at me then said, "your mother and I have made up our minds, were not happy , "Chrissy". But we understand that you need to do this if you ever want to feel whole. So if you really want to do this then your mother and I won't stand in your way.
I broke down crying; "Thank you, I love you both so much" I said in tears and soon found myself being held by the both of them. "I have wanted this all of my life and now it's finely happening." I said in tears.
"It's alrIght ChrIssy just remember that your father and I love you no matter, It makes no difference If you are our son or daughter." Mom said holding me tightly.
Part Two
By, Jessica Roberts
It has been four week now since I was admitted to the hospital, my recover has been coming along, although not as quickly as I would like. I was hoping that I would have been able to start the process of becoming a girl, but even though Dr. Leblanc approved me, there are still steps that I must take before starting the process. Sarah has been a huge help though everything.
Although my parents have been a bit distant since the meeting with Dr. Leblanc, I think they're hoping that I will change my mind, but there isn't much chance of that. I still can't help but feel guilty for what I am putting them through, I know that dad is disappointed although he hasn't said anything directly to me but I can see it in his eyes.
It seems that the only one in the family that is really happy for me is Sarah, I think she has the next couple of weeks planned out for me once I return home, I have a lot to learn and she plans on teaching me everything. April and I have been talking about meeting up after I get out of the hospital.
I am kind of nervous about seeing her. I am still not sure if I should tell her the truth about who I am and what my plans for the future are, she is really the only friend I have right now that knows me as a girl, and I am afraid if she knew the truth she might not want anything to do with me.
Dr. Gettings was in to see me also, he plans on removing the stitches tomorrow, and I should be discharged later in the day, I am looking forward to finely going home and spending time with my family outside of the hospital. I am also kind of scared, and as far as school goes, I am not sure what is going to happen there, I really have been thinking hard and trying to figure out the best course of action. Do I return to my old school or change schools?
Then there is one other problem, I spend way too much time worrying about things, I need to find something to occupy my mind. I thought to myself as I climbed out of bed and grabbed the walking cane Greg had giving me at my last Physiotherapy session and started walking towards the family room. I thought maybe I would play the piano or watch the television for a while.
Walking was easier now then it was before, Greg was right after four weeks of Physiotherapy, sure I had to use a cane, and for support but at least I was walking under my own power. I still dealt with the dizziness though, and it took a lot of concentration to even walk a straight line at times I would drift off and have to catch myself, one of the tricks Greg had taught me was to pick a spot head of myself and lock my eyes on it as I walked then when I reach the spot I was concentrating on then choose another one this helped me walk a straight line.
I eventually made my way into the family room, it was empty at the moment, just the way I liked it. I loved playing the piano but usually. I played it when the room was empty because I didn't want to disturb the other patients that were using the room. I took a seat at the piano and started playing the song Creep, by Radiohead and singing the words.
I loved the lyrics to the song, but I didn't really like the way the original band played the song, my musical tastes have always leaned more towards country music then rock. I so played it like I would a country song, and slowed it down and put more emphasis on the words of the song.
As I played a couple of girls came into the room, they were both also on my ward. The two of them watched me playing and talked amongst themselves. When I came to the end of the songs one of them said, "That was really nice, I am Tracy and this is my friend Julie."
"Hi Tracy, Julie, my name is Christine, it's nice to meet you both." I said with a smile.
"It's nice to meet you too Christine, do you know any Adele songs?" asked Tracy.
"I know a few want me to play one?" I asked.
"Do you know Rolling in the deep" Julie asked me.
"I can give it a try it's not one I play often, and I might mess up the words but let's give it a try" I said truthfully and then started playing and singing the song, Rolling in the deep. When I reached the end of the song I said to myself that I needed to practice the song more, I knew that I could do a better job singing it, if I worked on my timing.
"That was pretty good", Tracy said with a smile.
"It needs some work my timing was off in a few places." I said frowning.
"Still it was good for a first attempt", Julie said with a smile.
"Well that's enough playing for today, so what are you girls up to?" I asked
"Were just to visit my sister, the nurse is changing her bandages right now so we thought we would wait here until she's free." Julie said then took a seat on the couch.
I grabbed hold of my cane and made my way over to the chair across from them and slowly sat down."
"So what are you in for?" asked Tracy.
"I had a brain tumor, they caught it just in time, I have been here now for a little over 4 weeks, I should be going home tomorrow, I hope so anyway." I said with a smile.
"That's a long time to be cooped up in here, but you look pretty good for someone that has been through major surgery." Julie said with a grin.
"It's been a long process, and I still have always to go, at least I am able to get around now under my own power now, even if I have to use a cane, it's only temporary." I said with a smile.
"Do you live near here?" Tracy asked me.
"I live in Burnaby, It's about a 10 minute drive from here I guess."
"That's not far Tracy and I live behind the Lougheed Town Centre." Julie explained.
"I live further up, just off of North Road." I said with a smile.
"Cool you're like 15 minutes from us Julie and me." Tracy said with a grin.
"Where do you go to school?" asked Julie.
"I was attending Burnaby North Secondary, but I don't think that I will be returning after this semester." I explained.
"You might end up at our school then." Tracy said with a smile.
"That would be cool, we can all be friends." Julie said excitedly.
"What school do you both attend?" I asked.
"We attend Burnaby Central Secondary" Tracy said with a smile.
"That is likely where I will end up it not too far from home and it would nice to start school somewhere that I knew a few people, being the new kid always sucks." I said with a smile.
"I can imagine", Julie said frowning.
"Some things happened, it's kind of personal so I don't really go into it, but I think it would be best to have a fresh start somewhere else." I said sadly
"Well whatever your reason are you're more than welcome at our school", Tracy said with a smile.
The three of us talked for a few more minutes, and exchanged numbers. Once I was out of the hospital the three of us would arrange to meet up somewhere. They were there to visit Julie's sister after all, so we said our good byes.
After they left I returned to the piano and tried playing another Adele song, it was called someone like you, this was one of her songs that I knew well and had sung it many times, so the timing wasn't going to be a problem. As I played I was surprised when I saw Sarah and mom enter the room and take a seat on the couch, I continued on with the song until It was finished.
"Mommy, Sarah I good to see you" I said with a smile and made my way over to where they were sitting and joined them
"I thought we would find you in here." Sarah said with a smile.
"If I am not in my room you can usually find me here, playing the piano." I said with a grin
"You sounded pretty good honey." Mom said with a smile.
"Thanks mommy" I said giving her a hug.
"Where is Daddy?" I asked mom.
"He had to work today, but he said that he would see you tonight." Mom explained.
"So how's dad really doing, he has been pretty distant toward me lately?" I asked mom.
"He's still having a hard time with things honey, I am too you're just going to have to give us some time to learn to deal with everything." Mom explained.
"I am sorry to have to put the both of you through all this." I said sadly.
"It's not your fault honey you never asked for any of this to happen. Your father and I both love you and were here for you no matter what." Mom said then leaned over and gave me a hug and kiss.
"So you must be really excited about coming home tomorrow." asked Sarah.
"I can't wait, my bags are already packed and I am pretty much ready to leave now." I said with a grin.
"Have the physiotherapist contact you yet mom?" I asked her.
"Yes honey, they call the other day, you have an appointment next Wednesday at 3pm, but the way you are improving I doubt you will need it very much longer." Mom said with a big smile.
"I guess you can chop my recovery up to being young, wild and insane." I said with a smile.
"Well I agree with the insane part." Sarah said giggling and was rewarded with a cushion across the back of the head.
""Enough of that girls, don't make me call your father." mom said laughing
Had I heard mom right, did she just call me a girl?" I looked over at her kind of surprised.
"I think that we both know Christine that you're going to eventually start the process of becoming a girl, and eventually have the operation, so I might as well get used to having another daughter."
"You're right mom I don't intend to remain a boy any longer than necessary."
"There are some things we need to work out first though." I said to mom.
"Like what?" asked mom.
"School is going to be an issue, everyone knows me as a boy although I don't have many friends there, and I do have people who will make my life a living hell. This is why I think it would be best for me to change schools. Burnaby Central is nearby so I think that I should start attending School there next semester. That way I can have a fresh start and not have to worry about my past." I explained to mom.
"You might be right Christine, but don't forget we still have to break the news to the rest of the family and some of them might not be as receptive as your father and I were." Mom said sadly.
"I've giving this a lot of thought, I know what I am doing isn't going to be easy, and there will be people that are not going to understand, but I really don't care. This is my life and I have a right to be happy if they don't like it, then they are the ones with the problem not me." I said firmly.
"Just remember your father and I have your back no matter what happens." Mom said with a smile.
"And you know Christine I will always be here for you." Sarah said and gave my hand a squeeze.
"I don't deserve to have the two of you, but I am grateful for everything you both done for me." I said as tears ran down the side of my face.
"Christine, you need to understand something, I have always been proud of you, and I am even more so now. What you're doing isn't easy and there is bound to be some rough times ahead of you, but for the first time in years I have seen you happy and looking towards the future."
"If you're right then you have always been a girl, and I can understand how hard it must have been for you, but you have a chance to make things right, so whatever happen, don't give up on that dream and keep fighting until you get what you want, and when things get tough, come to me." Mom said with a smile.
Mom and Sarah stayed for another hour before they had to leave, Mom had to leave so she would make it home in time to make supper, and Sarah had homework that she needed to finish. After saying out good byes they left for home and I headed back to my bedroom.
Supper wasn't anything special, one chicken breast, and white rise, both tasted like they were kept warm under a heat lamp all afternoon. Thank god that I would be returning home tomorrow. Mom wasn't the best cook in the world but her meals at least had flavor and the portions were larger, not that I wanted to put on weight.
I liked the weight that I was at right now. It made it easier for me to look like a girl, before I got sick I was slightly overweight, which would have made things harder for me when it came to transitioning from a boy to a girl.
If I was careful and took care of myself once I started hormones, I would start to fill out in all the right places and like any other girls I wanted guys to be attracted to me and most of the guys I knew seem to be only interested in girls that looked good.
Maybe it was kind of bad thinking like that, but I am a teenager and peer pressure seems to determine everything, the people you date, the crowd you hang out with, and ever many of the decisions you make are based on what other people will think. As a boy, I was on the lowest end of the social scale, I had no real friends, and anyone that wanted to be friends with me would have been committing social suicide.
How this happened I have no idea, it just happened over time, I guess it started in elementary and carried through to Junior High and then High school. Over time I accepted the fact that I was better off alone, there were less complications, and I didn't have to risk getting hurt.
I know now that I wasn't really living I was just surviving. Life is about taking risks, sometime you get hurt, but unless you're willing to try nothing good ever happens and nothing ever changes. That was a lesson I had just learned, I took a risk coming out to Sarah and my family, and in the end things worked out for the best.
After barely touching my supper, I heard my cellphone ringing, and grabbed it off of the table and saw that it was April calling, so I hit the answer button.
"Hi April, how are you doing?" I asked.
"I am doing pretty good Chrissy, how are you doing?"
"Good I am going home tomorrow, and I can't wait to get out of here."
April laughed, "Yeah I know exactly what you mean, although at times I still feel like I am in the hospital." April said sadly.
"What's going on?" I asked her.
"It's mom she is still treating me like I am going to break if I do anything, half the time, she doesn't even want me to leave the house, because I might catch a cold, its driving me crazy I just want to be normal like everyone else." April explained.
"That's rough, I know how you feel though, since my operation I haven't really been able to do hardly anything and I can't even use my own room when I go home, my parents are worried I will fall and hurt myself, so I have to share my sister's room." I explained to April.
"It's not as bad as your situation, because you are fine now and able to do things, I can see your mother point though about something's, like visiting me at the hospital, you would be putting yourself at risk of catching something but I don't see any reason why you shouldn't leave the house and hangout with your friends April."
"To be honest with you Chrissy, I really don't have many friends, when you're sick like I have been making friends can be hard because you spend most of your time locked up at home or in the hospital." April said sadly.
"Sorry April, I never realized how hard it must have been for you, but I hope you consider me a friend, because I consider you one. " I said feeling bad for my friend.
"Thanks Chrissy, I feel the same way, I don't know what it is but, whenever I talk to you I always seem to feel better."
"I feel the same way, maybe it's because I don't have many friends either." I explained.
"Really I find that hard to believe Chrissy."
"It's true April I don't really have any friends accept for you. I am hoping that will change but at the moment that is how things are."
"There are other reasons to and I will share them with you eventually." I said frowning.
"Why can't you tell me now?" April asked.
"It's complicated April, and I would rather talk to you in person about."
"Alright Chrissy, when you're ready you can tell me."
"Well I have to get going supper is ready, give me a call once you're settled Chrissy."
"Sure thing, you have a good night April, and I will talk to you tomorrow sometime."
"Talk to you tomorrow Chrissy, and try not to overdo It.", April said before hanging up.
It was almost 6 PM when I heard a knock on my door when I look up I saw dad coming inside, "Daddy you made it." I said with a big smile.
"I am sorry that I haven't been around much honey"
"It's alright Daddy, you're here now."
"Are you ready to come home tomorrow Christine?" Dad said with a smile.
"Yes Daddy, I can't wait to get out of here and start living my life again."
"I will be glad to have you home too Christine, the place doesn't seem the same without you there."
"You can call me Chrissy, if you want, I prefer it to Christine."
"How about the two of us go for a drive Chrissy?" Dad said with a smile.
"I would like that", I said with a smile.
"Why don't you get dressed and I will let the nurse know that the two of us are going out for a while Chrissy." Dad said then left me alone so I could get dressed.
As I got dressed I couldn't help but feel happy that dad was trying to understand and even trying to treat me like I was a girl. I knew that it wasn't easy for him but he was at least making an effort and that was all that mattered. I thought to myself as I slipped into the blue track suite that Sarah had loaned me.
I spent a few minutes fixing my hair, then grabbed my cane and made my way over to the lobby where I found dad waiting for me. "Ready Chrissy?" he said with a smile.
"I am ready Daddy, let's get out of here." I said with a smile.
Even though I could walk now with the use of a cane I still wasn't strong enough to walk for any real distance, so we still had to bring the wheel chair with us, which dad used to bring me to his car, I was able climb inside now without any help.
Dad once again placed the wheel chair into the trunk and then climbed into the driver's side and started the car and put it in drive. "Where are we going Daddy?"
"I thought that we would just take a drive Chrissy and maybe grab something to eat."
"Sounds like fun, it's been awhile since the two of us did anything." I said sadly.
"That's true honey, I wish that I could be around more but it's hard sometimes."
"I understand Daddy you're doing the best you can right now."
"Chrissy can I ask you something, I know that I haven't been around much, but do you think it would have made any difference, if I had been?"
"No Daddy, this has nothing to do with you, there has always been something inside of me that didn't quite fit, I have never really thought of myself as a boy."
"It took me a long time to understand why I was different from other boys and eventually accept the fact that I was a girl. The hardest thing I ever did was tell you and mom the truth, because I was so afraid that you would turn your back on me and I would be completely alone."
"Your mother and I could never turn our backs on you Chrissy, you're our daughter, and I think that I finely understand, I never really did have a son."
"No Daddy, I have always been a girl and always will be." I said with a smile.
"But on the bright side just because I am a girl doesn't mean that I don't enough doing things with you daddy, Chris and I are the same person we both have the same likes and dislikes. The only difference is Christine is the real me." I said with a grin.
Dad and I pulled into the McDonalds Drive throw, and dad ordered us two bacon double cheeseburger meals and then found a spot to park.
"This is really nice Daddy", I said as then took a bite from my burger.
"What is nice honey, the food?" Dad said with a smile.
"No silly, being here with you Daddy."
"Just don't tell your sister she'll be jealous." Dad said with a smile.
"Guess that I will have to tell her then, she'll think I am your favorite now." I said giggling.
"Chrissy I don't have a favorite, I love the both of you the same." Dad said with a smile.
"Did mom tell you about where I want to go to school?"
"I think that it's a good idea, nobody knows you there, and I think it will be easier this way."
"Well I already know a few girls that go to the school but they only know me as Christine."
"When did that happen?" Dad asked.
"Today, one of the girls was at the hospital visiting her sister and the three of us got talking and I mentioned that I was thinking about changing schools."
"Oh I see that was fast" Dad said after taking a bite from his burger.
"They offered to show me around and introduce me to their friends, they seem nice enough and the three of us seemed to have a lot in common."
"Well it's good to see that you're starting to make some friends Chrissy."
"We better be getting you back to the hospital honey, it's almost 8pm and I have to work in the morning and besides you will be coming home tomorrow anyway."
After arriving back at the hospital dad took me took me back to my and left a few minutes later, the two of us had a good outing, which gave us a chance to really talk things out. He seem to be back to himself again and I had a good feeling about how things were working out the only thing that bothered me was the fact that Dr. Leblanc wanted me to wait off for a bit before doing anything.
I already knew that I needed to see a specialist before I could start talking hormone, I was fine with that but I didn't really see the need to keep pretending to be a boy, I knew without a doubt that I could pass as a girl already because I have been doing that for a while now.
All I really needed was my own clothes and makeup, my hair was already long enough and just needed to be styled to look more feminine. I really didn't need hormones for this, I already knew about the real life test all I wanted to do is start it early. I thought to myself as I undressed and slipped into my pajamas then climbed into bed, I was feeling pretty tire out and fell asleep within minutes.
I woke up to the sound of the foot card being wheeled into my room and the attending setting the tray down on the small table next to my bed, I thought to myself that today was the day I was finely going home. It's seemed like I had been locked up in this place much longer then I really had.
Slowly I pulled myself up into a sitting position and pulled the table over to my bed, let's see what the mystery breakfast is today I said aloud and removed the cover. One hardboiled egg and two pieces of toast, and a bowl of something that resembled oatmeal and of course just what I wanted a nice cup of tea.
I think this is their way of telling me to go home, I thought to myself as I took the plastic spoon and tried to crack open the egg and only succeeded in breaking the spoon in half. There was really one course of action, I pulled myself out of bed and got dressed then slowly made my way over to my wheel chair.
The can was good for short distances, but where I was headed I needed all the extra support I could get. It took me a few minutes but I reached the elevator, and made my way downstairs to the main floor and then headed to the cafeteria, surely they didn't serve there employees or visitors the same crap that they served us patients. I was right the food quality in the cafeteria was much better I made my way over to the counter and order eggs and bacon, hash browns and two pieces of toast, and a bottle of orange juice to wash it down. After getting my breakfast I sat it on my lap the rolled the chair over to an empty table and set down my tray and then rolled the chair in a little closer to the table.
As I took a bit of my eggs I thought to myself, this is how breakfast should be, everything cooked fresh and not kept under a heating lamp. I was enjoy my breakfast when I heard a voice from being me, "Chrissy what are you doing down here." It was Physiotherapist Greg.
"I guess that I am busted", I said with a smile.
"Don't worry I won't tell." He said with a smile.
"Sorry I keep calling you Chrissy, for some reason Chrissy is the first thing that comes to mind." Greg said frowning.
"I wouldn't worry too much about it Greg, at the moment the name on my identification is under Chris Roberts, but I that will be changed, to Christine soon." I said softly.
"You're kidding me right?" asked Greg.
"Look at me do I really look like a boy?" I said quietly.
"I know from your file it says you are, but honestly I don't see a boy when I look at you." Greg said quietly.
"That is because I am not a boy Greg, at least not mentally. I have been seeing doctor while I have been in the hospital and she agrees with me. I will eventually be starting hormone replacement therapy and in time I will have the operation." I explained.
"You're the first person I met that is transgendered Chrissy, How long have you known that you were a girl?" asked Greg as he joined me at the table.
"I knew that I was different from other boys from the beginning, but It's only recently that really started to understand why I felt the way I did."
"You seem pretty open about this" Greg said looking me in the eyes.
"How open I am when it comes to talking about it depends on the person that I am talking too since you already see me as a girl I don't see any harm telling you the truth."
"Well to be honest with you, I think you are making the right choice, you are way to pretty to ever be a boy." He said with a grin.
"Thanks Greg" I said blushing.
"You're welcome Chrissy, so how's you breakfast."
"It's pretty good actually are you going to order something Greg?"
"Yeah I think that I will have the same." He said then walked over to the counter and returned a few minutes later and took a seat across from me.
"So tell me something, why weren't you freaked out when I told you that I was going to have a sex change Greg?"
"I work in the medical field, so there isn't much that does surprise me, and the other reason is I am gay, so I know what it's like to be different. My family didn't really take the news very well when I came out to them. It took them awhile but they seem to accept it now. "
"So how did your family take the news, when you came out to them Chrissy?"
"My sister Sarah was fine with it, but my parents on the other hand are still having a hard time dealing with it, but they are not going to stand in my way, and their at least trying. That is really all I can ask for at the moment."
"I am glad that things are going alright for you Chrissy, I am not really supposed to do this because you're a patient, but if you have any trouble I want you to give me a call here at work or at home, here's my number he said then wrote the number down on one of his cards. If I don't answer just leave a message and a number and I will call you back."
"Why are you doing this Greg?"
"Because, I had a hard enough time when I came out, my family didn't accept me and most of my so called friends turned their back on me. It was a rough time and I felt like nobody really cared if I lived or died and I don't want to happen to you." Greg said sadly.
"Thanks Greg, you don't know how much it means to me to know I have someone I can turn to if things get tough."
"Don't sweat it Chrissy, so I hear that you're going home today."
"I can't wait to get out of here Greg."
"You just want to get out from under my claws." Greg said with a smile.
"That's true if I wanted a drill sergeant I would have joined the army." I said giggling.
Greg laughed, "Come on I wasn't that bad." He said with a smile.
"I didn't mind, it's not every day a girl gets to spend time with such a handsome man." I said and gave him a smile and winked at him.
"Careful missy I am immune from you charms." Greg said with a grin.
I smiled at him, "You're too old for me anyway."
"Well Greg, I better head back upstairs to my room, I don't want to miss Dr. Gettings the last thing I need is to be stuck here another day."
"I guess that I will see you next week then Chrissy, you take care of yourself and don't forget to do you exercises." Greg said with a smile.
"Take care of yourself to Greg and thanks for everything." I said with a smile.
Dr. Gettings arrived around 9am, and removed my stitches and gave me a quick checkup, "Well Chrissy I would say you're ready to go home." I am going to setup an appoint to seem you two weeks from now in my office I will leave it with your discharge papers, along with your prescriptions."
"Thank you Dr. Gettings for everything, I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for you" I said with a smile and gave him a hug.
"It's was my pleasure Chrissy" Dr. Getting said with a smile then left to work his magic on another patient.
Finely I get to go home I said aloud then dialed mom on my cellphone. "Hi mommy, guess what I am ready to go home, come and get me please." I said with a big smile.
Mom and Sarah arrive 30 minutes later carrying a couple of bags with them, "What's all this stuff I asked?"
"We can't let you go home dressed like that?" Sarah said with a smile.
"I opened one of the bags, inside was a light blue sundress, panties, and a matching bra", I looked over at Mom and then Sarah.
"Your father and I talked last night, neither one of us have a problem if this is what you want Chrissy." Mom said with a smile.
A big smile came across my face, as I looked at everything mom had bought for me, and I pulled the curtain around me and start getting undressed. I loved the way the panties felt against my skin as I slipped into them.
"Chrissy do you need help with your bra?" Sarah asked.
"Sure, Sarah do we have anything to fill the cups?" I asked her as I slipped my arms though the hoops, then Sarah fastened it from the back and adjusted the straps. Mom then handed me a small box.
"I thought these my come in handy" mom said with a smile as I opened the box and found two very realistic breast forms inside. I slipped them into the cups and couldn't get over how good they looked on me.
"Thanks Mommy these are awesome." I said with a big smile.
Sarah then held up the sundress and then helped me slip it on, it fit perfect, and I loved the way the material felt as it caressed my skin. Sarah then handed me a pair of sandals and I slipped them on my feet.
Mom then took a brush and started working on my hair, and used a bit of hair spray to keep the style in place. After mom was done she even did my makeup. I couldn't wait to see the results so I made my way into the bathroom, and saw my reflection for the first time, gone was the awkward boy, and standing in his place was a beautiful girl.
There was a lot of people staring as we left my room for the last time, most of the nurses knew that truth about me, a few of them said that I looked really pretty while a few were just plain nasty. I knew that not everyone would accept what I was doing, but at the moment I didn't really care because for the first time girl inside me matched the girl on the outside.
Part Three
By, Jessica Roberts
Chapter 8
As I climbed into dad's car, I found myself taking a last look at the hospital, which had been my home until now. It wasn't really all that bad, although the pain and suffering wasn't very much fun, but through it I was able to finely get the help I needed and was finely able to be myself.
The path ahead of me wasn't going to be an easy one, I was at the start of a long journey that was full of obstacles that I would need to overcome, at the moment the biggest obstacle was my friends and family. Mom, Dad and Sarah were no longer a problem, they accepted the fact that I was going to become a woman and would help me anyway they could.
The problem was our relatives; we were a close family with lots of Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, and Grandparents. It wasn't going to be easy to come out to all of them. If my Cousins were anything like Sarah chances are they would accept me. It was the adults that really bothered me, like mom and dad there was a huge generation gap, and they all had their own religious beliefs and considering what I was trying to do, it could very well go against those beliefs.
Dad looked over at me, "Penny for your thoughts", he said with a smile.
"I was just thinking Daddy, it will be Christmas soon," how are we going to break the news to everyone?"
"That's a good Question honey they are going to find out eventually, there are only two ways to deal with this. We can break the news to them at Christmas, or you can wait until a later date, of course if you decide to wait off then you will have to remain in boy mode till after the holidays." Dad said softly.
"I don't ever want to go back to being a boy, I will tell them at Christmas, actually I guess that I will show them because I have no inclination of wearing boys clothes ever again", I said firmly.
"Chrissy, you still might have to return to being Chris for a while, legally you are still considered a boy, and until you see the specialist, and have all the paperwork finished, your identification will list you as a boy. How does that affect you at the moment, well school would be a good example, without your identification taking care of, you're going to have to be enrolled as a boy." Mom said sadly.
"But Dr. Leblanc said I would be starting my real life test soon." I said frowning.
"I know honey, but she also said that it would take time before everything is in place." Mom said softly.
"Chrissy, you're going to be off school for a while, so I wouldn't worry about it for now, by the time you're ready to go back to school, all of this could be already taking care of." Dad said trying to change the subject.
"I sure hope so", I said somewhat worried.
"Let's just take things one day at a time Chrissy." Mom said calmly.
"Your right Mommy, I shouldn't be getting all worked up about this yet. Sometimes I can't help it though, I have never really been very patient, and tend to want everything yesterday." I explained.
"You're just like your father.” Mom said with a smile.
"I would say it's the other way around." Dad said to mom.
"The only thing she gets from me is her good looks.” Mom said with a smile.
"That's a good thing, if she took after me, in the looks department she would really be in trouble." Dad said laughing.
"I think she looks great, I can't wait to take her out and show off my little sister.” Sarah said finely joining the conversation.
"You should be able to do that soon, now that I am finely free of the hospital.” I said with a smile as dad, pulled unto the road that led to our home.
I felt a lump in my stomach as we pulled into our driveway, and thought to myself, I was finely home. I waited till dad came around before trying to exit the car, while Mom and Sarah made their way inside.
Daddy helped me out of the car and handed me my cane, and then closed the car door behind me. I took my time walking to the front door Daddy was walking beside me until I made it inside. As I walked through the front door I saw a large banner that had the words written on it, "Welcome Home Christine."
As I looked around at my home, it felt like a lifetime had passed since I was last here. Everything was as I remembered it, nothing had changed, accept for me. I wasn't the same person anymore, and this was Chris's home. I would have to find a place here for Christine.
I know it's weird, thinking of yourself in the second person but that is almost how I felted. Chris was who I used to be but now I was going to live the rest of my life as Christine and I would have to make memories of my own, but I knew Christine, was who I was meant to be and I was finely going to have a chance to live my life.
Chapter 9
I was barely able to settle in before Sarah grabbed me and dragged me off to her room, since I still had mobility issues mom and dad had decided that the two of us should share her room because it was on the main floor whereas mine was on the second floor. I could see the logic behind it but I was the kind of person that needed my own space and sharing a room with someone would make that hard but at the moment I had no choice in the matter so I had to accept the fact that Sarah and I would be roommates for a while.
As I looked around I could see that Sarah had cleared out a good percentage of her stuff and Daddy had brought down my single bed and dresser, and placed them on the other side of the room. Next to the dresser was my acoustic guitar, which was sitting on its stand. There was also a small computer desk setup in the corner, that held both mine and Sarah's laptops and beside it was my keyboard.
I could see that a lot of thought was made, when they moved me into Sarah's room, all the things I needed were already here and had been setup for me. "What do you think Christine?" asked Sarah.
"The room looks great, but you didn't have to get rid of all your stuff." I said sadly.
"I didn't really get rid of anything Christine, most of it was stuff, I no longer used, we just put it in the basement and gave some of it away." Sarah explained.
"Take a look at the bathroom", Sarah said and the two of us went inside.
"Once inside, I noticed that Dad had gone out and bought everything I would need, there was and arm brace mounted one the wall next to the toilet, so I would be able to use it without having trouble getting up or down, the bathtub was also equipped, I thought it was a little much but I wasn't going to say anything."
"Yeah, I don't think that you needed it all, but when he makes up his mind about something, good luck talking him out of it." Sarah said with a grin.
"Yeah that sounds like him, but the truth is it will make things easier for me until I am stronger." I said with a smile.
"There are a couple more things you should see, and then I will let you rest." Sarah said and then the two of us went back into her bedroom and she opened her large walk in closet, "The left side is all yours", she said with a smile.
As I looked at my side of the closet, "Are these all mine?" I asked looking at all the new clothes that were hanging up. There were dresses, skirts, slips and blouses all hanging up on racks, on the floor where new shoes, sandals and sneakers.
"Mom and I have been doing a lot of shopping, so don't worry about the styles, I made sure that everything would be perfect, your dresser is also full too." Sarah said with a grin.
"Wow I can't believe the two of you went out and done all this." I said as tears ran down the side of my face.
"We are not done yet Sis, there are still plenty of things you're going to need and we wanted to wait until you were home before we could do It.", Sarah said with a grin.
"Like what?" I said.
"We need to get something done about your hair, and what girl our age doesn't have her ears pierced." Sarah explained.
"Yeah I can see why you would need me there." I said then sat down on my bed.
"How are you doing Sis?" Sarah asked and joined me on my bed.
"Kind of tired out I guess, it's normal I usually take a nap when I get like this." I explained.
"Why don't you get some sleep, and I will wake you before supper." Sarah said with a smile.
"I think that I will do that." I said starting to yawn.
"Sweet dreams Sis." Sarah said then left.
It felt nice to be in my own bed again, the bed in the hospital wasn't really that bad, but you never feel quite as secure as you do in your own bed and it took me no time at all before I had fallen asleep.
I awoke a few hours later to the sound of Sarah calling my name, "Chrissy, it's time to get up." She said loudly.
"Is it supper time already?" I asked her still half asleep.
"Yes Sis, now get your little ass out of bed." Sarah said with a smile, then came over and offered me her hand.
"God I must have been tired, I don't even remember falling asleep." I said softly.
"Well you did, that's for sure, and we could hear you snoring all the way in the living room." Sarah said giggling.
"Very funny Sis, I don't snore." I then rewarded her with a pillow to the back of the head.
"I would be careful about hitting me with those pillows Chrissy, I am adding them up and I will get back at you at a later date." Sarah said then helped pull me to my feet.
Sarah and I made our way into the kitchen and found Daddy was sitting at the table while Mom was busy setting the table. I took a seat and Sarah joined mom and helped serve us the food. Mom had made my favorite, mashed potatoes, and pork chops and it tasted delicious.
"God Mommy, I forgot how good a cook you were", I said with a smile as I took another bite of my pork chop.
"I am glad you're enjoying it honey, I made your favorite, Apple Crisp for desert." Mom said with a smile.
"If they cooked like you at the hospital mom, I wouldn't have been in a hurry to come home." I said giggling.
"Thanks honey, it's nice to be appreciated.” Mom said with a smile.
"I have missed this, being able to have a meal together as a family." I said looking across the table at mom and dad.
"It hasn't felt normal without you being here either honey", Dad said frowning.
"Sarah showed me all the new clothes you bought for me, I can't wait to try them all on, thank you so much mommy."
"You are welcome, Chrissy and there is a lot more coming, as soon as you're able Sarah and I are going to take you out and let you choose some of your own clothes." Mom said with a smile.
"You really don't need to mommy I have plenty of clothes now." I said with a smile.
"I know honey but it's something I want to do." Mom said with a smile.
"It will be fun I always wanted to spend time with you like this mom.” I said smiling.
I then looked over at my father and said, "thank you daddy for all the work you have done on Sarah’s room, you've made things so much easier for me. Now I don't have to depend on anyone to go to the bathroom or even take a bath."
"I am happy you like it honey, I just wanted to try and make your life a little easier." Dad said with a smile.
"Well you have succeeded Daddy." I said with a smile.
"As far as I am concerned, I have everything that I will ever need to be happy right here in this room." I said looking across the table at my family."
You have accepted me even though what I am doing is most likely going to cause trouble for all of you but I am grateful that I have parents like the both of you and a sister that I know will always be there for me." I said with tears in my eyes.
"Whither your our son or daughter, makes no difference Chrissy, we love you and there's nothing in the world that will every change how your father and I feel about you." Mom said with a smile.
"I know that there will be people out there that won't understand, and I expect that some of them will be my own family, I really don't know if there is anything we can do about that, but I hope it doesn't make things too hard on the rest of you." I said sadly.
"You're right Christine, I know for a fact Uncle Roger, and Aunt Helen maybe a problem, they are very religious, but it's possible with time you might be able to win them over, If not then neither one of them will be welcome in our home." Henry said to his daughter.
"I just wish people could see past what a person looks like on the outside, if they could life would be a lot easier." I said softly.
"That would solve just about all of the conflicts in the world, but unfortunately we live in a world where people judge one another’s worth according to cultural, religious and even sexual orientation.", Dad said sadly.
"Still it would be a better way to live." I said sadly.
"I agree with you one hundred percent Chrissy." Dad said with a smile.
As I was thinking about what dad had said, I knew that he was right. My Uncle and Aunt were very religious and would most likely have a problem with what I was doing and would take their anger out on my parents.
It wasn't my parents fault but they would say that it was mom and dad's responsibility to stop me from doing something they considered stupid, and completely against the will of god. I knew that eventually I would have to deal with them and possibly others in the near future.
Chapter 10
It was about 7 pm, Sarah and I were in our bedroom, she was sitting at the computer, video chatting with some friends that she had met online. I had never really been into the whole webcam chat thing I was sitting on my bed, with my laptop. I was on one of the guitar tabs websites I used and trying to learn a new song.
I wasn't planning on doing anything tonight and had slipped into one of the new nightgowns that mom and Sarah had picked out for me. I loved the way the silk felt against my skin from the moment I slipped it on. It was dark red and went down to just above my knees.
There was a new song on the site that I have wanted to learn, it was called, Stay by Sugarland. I love the song from the moment that I first heard it, but found it extremely hard to watch the video, because of the emotion that the lead singer Jennifer Nettles, puts into the performance.
I already heard the words sung so many times that I didn't even need to look at the lyrics, so I just practiced the cords, and played the song a few times, and eventually managed to play the song straight through without any errors. This time I was going to try it singing the words and started playing the song and as I played I counted myself in and began then sing the words to the song.
It's normal for me to become lost in my music and I didn't even notice that Sarah had turned her laptop towards me. She was broadcasting my performance over the internet and I didn't even know it. "Wow is that your little sister?” someone’s voice came through the speakers.
"Yeah, her name is Christine.” Sarah said into her microphone.
"She's amazing" the guy said and looked over at Sarah.
"Don't blame me Sis, they heard your singing and wanted to see you.” Sarah said with a smile.
I sat the guitar down and made my way over to where Sarah as sitting. "Hi guys", I said with a smile.
"Hi Christine, I am John, you have an amazing voice." I could see him on his camera and he was really cute.
"Thanks, I was just playing around." I said with a smile.
"I took a seat next to Sarah, so this is what you do late at night when mom and dad are not watching, you’re in here chatting it up with guys." I said with a smile.
"Christine, you make it sound so dirty." Sarah said giggling.
"Where are you from John, I asked.
"I live in north Vancouver.” she said with a smile.
"So how do you know my sister?" I asked him.
"We used to go to the same school before I had to move."
“So Sarah, why didn't you tell me you had such a pretty sister." John said with a smile.
"Someone has to protect her from you, and as her older sister that's my job." Sarah said with a smile.
John smiled, "but I am a nice guy, I even come with references." John said and gave me a wink
"Those aren't references John they are restraining orders, you really need to stop mixing the two up." Sarah said and started giggling. I couldn't help but laugh, the two of them were completely bonkers, but I had to admit, I liked John he was cute and made me laugh.
"John, are you sure that you are in North Vancouver and not in some kind of psychiatric hospital", I asked giggling.
"Nope but my parent’s say I am crazy all the time, so maybe I belong there." John said with a smile.
"It's a long story that I don't really want to go into let just say she was living elsewhere." Sarah said frowning.
"Come on Sarah, you can tell him the truth, I used to be your younger brother and I had a sex change." I said smugly.
Sarah looked at me like she was about to bite my head off, and I just smiled back and winked at her.
"Yeah right, there is no way I am buying that story.” John said laughing.
I smiled, "yeah, it is kind of farfetched isn't it?"
"You are way to pretty to ever be a guy." He said with a grin
"Thanks", I said blushing, "you're not bad yourself" I said with a smile.
Sarah, John and I talked until my cellphone went off, I took a look and saw that it was April calling, "I have to take this nice meeting you John, I said then answered my phone and made my way over to my bed.
"Hi April, how are you doing?"
"I am doing better I hope that I am not bothering you." April said.
"Not at all April, I was just on the computer with my sister and some guy that she was talking to."
"Is he cute?" asked April.
I smiled, "yeah he is really cute, and pretty funny."
"So how was your day April?"
"It was a rough day, I told mom that if she didn't give me some space and let me live my life that I was going to go live with my father, I hated to do it but enough is enough." April explained.
"I can just imagine how that went." I said to April.
"Mom took it really bad, but she said that she would back off and gives me some space.” April explained.
"That couldn't have been easy for you April?"
"It wasn't easy but it had to be done, I don't want to spend the rest of my life, hiding inside because my mom is worried that I am going to get sick, she doesn't seem to realize that I can get sick at home just as easy as I can leaving the house." April said sounding frustrated.
"It's a bad spot to be in April, I know you don't want to hurt your mother, but you deserve to be happy also, what is the use of fighting to survive, if you are not allowed to experience life." I said sadly.
"That's how I feel Chrissy, I just want to live my life, and be a normal teenager for a change." April said sadly.
"Listen April, I am going shopping in the next couple of days, with my mother and sister, why don't you come with us, it will be a lot of fun, it will be just us girls."
"That sounds like fun I haven't done anything like that in ages." April said excitedly.
"Good then its decided, I will talk to mom, and I will get back to you." I explained to April.
"So how has your day been?" asked April.
"It's nice to be home, mom cooked all my favorites for supper and they had a big banner waiting for me." I said excited.
"That's cool, how are you doing with your Physiotherapy ", asked April.
"Better April, I am using a cane now, but it's only good for short distance travel, so I am still depending on my wheelchair, dad said that he was going to pick up another chair for me tomorrow." I explained.
"It's looks like you will be walking pretty soon then, I am happy for you." April said.
"I hope so April, my Physiotherapist said the same thing, I sure will be glad when I no longer have to depend on using the cane or wheelchair and move around unaided."
"Hell Chrissy, I have seen people in the hospital that have had similar operations, and none have recovered as fast as you have, all I can say is you must have one hell of an immune system." April said sounding really serious, let me know when you’re finished with it, I wouldn't mind borrowing it for a while." April said and started laughing.
"I will consider it April, but I better let you go, it's just about bedtime for me."
"Alright Chrissy, have a good night, I will talk to you tomorrow."
"You too April, goodnight." I said then ended the call,
I was pretty tired, so I shut down my computer and placed my guitar back down on its stand. I looked over at Sarah she was still talking on her computer, most likely she was still talking with John. “Sarah would you mind turning off the light, I need to get some sleep."
"Alright Sis", Sarah said and walked for and hit the light switch.
"Goodnight Chrissy.” she said then returned to her computer.
"Goodnight Sarah, I love you." I said.
As I laid there I thought about the day, and how nice it was to be home and able to sleep in my own bed. I missed being home but I missed being with my family more than anything. It's going to be nice being able to spend time as a girl doing things with Sarah and mom. I thought to myself as I slowly drifted off to sleep.