Daydreaming on Deck (Part 1)
By Sabrina G. Langton
***
Author's note... Here is a story about a quiet, married, older, new transgender woman, a listener, but she never tells anyone about all the conversations she has inside her head... I hope YOU like it...
***
"Hey!"
"Oh, hello."
"Beautiful out today."
"It is."
It was starting to get dark. He was out with his dog, a big black lab mix, I loved when he stopped to talk to me. He always had a smile on his face, he always licked me. The dog that is. "You look so nice, are you going somewhere?"
I smiled, I loved a compliment, "I so wish I was."
I was wearing a long-sleeved black dress with gold polka dots. It had a thin belt emphasizing my thinner waist. I had on nude thigh-highs and four-inch black high-heeled booties, just up to my ankles. I was showing off my knees leaning on the railing in the back of my house, I felt my breasts shift slightly as I moved. We had a huge deck, I felt tiny on it. I could smell the flowers and spices growing in the garden. I had on a long blonde wig, darker streaks, darker roots. I just put it on, it was hiding my longer hair underneath, I wanted to try on something different, a new look. I had on just a touch of makeup, long lashes, and a little bit of mascara. My lips were red, I am sure he could see my smile from his house an acre away. I turned around.
"Oh, hi, I thought I heard talking." My wife, Linda, was coming outside with drinks, she had just gotten home from the club, she smiled when she saw me talking to a man, a man she knew. "Ahh, Logan, I see you finally met Sabrina."
"I did, I followed the scent of her wonderful perfume."
"Stay for a while," She handed us a drink as I got water for the dog, She went in to get herself one. It would be nice playing with my hair and showing off my long nails for a man. Crossing my legs and practicing my voice.
Linda didn't know that he had met Sabrina before.
***
Last summer both my wife and I turned forty-five, the two kids, a boy, and a girl moved out of state, and we decided to each get involved in something different. Something we were passionate about. Linda took up golf. She started to play when she was a teenager with her father but then stopped when we got married and started working full-time. Now she has been taking lessons and practicing for almost a year, she even joined a Club. She is out of the house with her equipment sometimes three to four times a week, I love that she found something she was passionate about. I let her tell me everything about it, about all her opponents, golf cart mishaps, and missed swings. I was enjoying it too.
Me? I went a slightly different route. I did something I have wanted to do for years but I just couldn't make it work. It was way too hard for me. Once I slowed down at work, took some money from our investments, started to relax, enjoy life, I knew I was completely ready.
I lost weight.
Between exercise and diet, my body completely changed for the better. I was 5'8". I was now 145 pounds. I was perfect. Linda was amazed at how great I looked and I was amazed at how great I felt. I was ready to move into a different phase of something that I had done forever, crossdressing.
I got rid of everything that used to be in my boxes, hidden in my closet. All the dresses were three sizes too large, all the ripped lingerie didn't fit anymore, all the makeup was dried up and old. I only kept my heels... and one simple white dress. Now I wore the most exciting outfits, outside in the back of my small world. I started crossdressing more seriously now, like when I was younger, before and after college. And later on when I started to realize I had a touch of gender dysphoria. I wore panties and pantyhose sometimes under my male clothes. I had been dressing up when Linda wasn't home for years. Nothing ever fit right, I didn't have the right type of makeup, or foundation color. I was too nervous and paranoid, it wasn't working but I needed it to. Now... everything was. I had my own room, full of my own female clothes and accessories, shoes lined up on shelves, a vanity full of makeup and nail polish, I was ready to do this right, the correct way. I was ready to introduce my perfect thighs and the genuine me to someone, to anyone.
A year ago, Linda was looking at me in my short orange summer dress. "What are you going to tell people when they notice your perfectly smooth legs?"
"I was thinking, I was just going to tell them I'm a crossdresser."
"Mmm, really?" She squished her face watching me brush my hair in the hall mirror. My hair was quite long, I have been growing it for years, it came down just to my boobs, which were breast forms size D. I was able to get my hair to look pretty nice, I had a bunch of different styles I was trying out, and my natural color was perfect. Strawberry blonde. I was surprised that Linda assumed, more people would be looking at my legs.
"You don't think I should?" I looked at her, she was quite cool about me dressing up now, quite interested in my style and mannerisms. As long as not too many people saw me, then started asking her questions. I had told her all of my dressing-up stories, even when I was young, I always told her mostly the truth, and she seemed okay with every new revelation.
"Well if people ask, let's tell them you are transgender or just trans. Crossdressing sounds like a hobby and trans sounds more like a disease." She laughed as she got her new golf clubs and gloves together. "What are you going to tell the kids, well, if they find out?"
"Telling Jenny should be easy, Mark might need a little more explanation. I'm not dressed all the time, it's not like I am becoming a woman."
She was studying me, shaking her head, she looked a little undecided. "Okay." But soon her mind was off of me, it was too late, she was ready to go, she was going to leave me for the entire afternoon. I would be dressing in at least four different outfits today, taking pictures and videos. I might even go into the city and drive around. I was thankful that Linda never said to me that wearing dresses was a waste of time, or silly, or even harmful to our marriage. I was very lucky. I now did everything she asked of me and more. I was the perfect partner. I was quiet and patient and stayed in the background where she could barely see me. I knew she liked to talk, and me? I just listened.
She kissed my cheek. "Bye, bye girlfriend have fun, be careful on those heels." She was out the door, forgetting about her trans husband and thinking about the eighteenth hole. I didn't want her to worry about me, I wanted her to have fun with her friends. She had three times as many as last year. I wanted her to tell all her friends about her hot trans husband, with the perfect smooth legs.
***
"So Logan, how is the work going on the house? Did you get the permit for the porch?" Linda knew the right questions to ask a man, she was always interested. She worked in medical insurance, and not surprisingly she could converse with anyone. She was into home improvement, DIY, shopping for the best contractors or gardeners, arguing with jerks, she knew almost everything.
Me? She called me a dumb blonde. I usually just smiled and played with my hair, or wine glass or fork when we went out. In either gender I was quiet, I was usually happy to be anywhere. I was happy people were letting me hang out with them and immerse myself in their personalities and voices. Every one of our friends, either husbands or wives were ultra-handy, able to fix a sink, a door, an air conditioner cooling system. Everyone was working on their cars, working in their garage, working on their portfolio. In my head I was working on my look, working on my mannerisms, always daydreaming. I was always distracted, I was an artist, a dreamer. Absolutely none of our friends were like me, they were more conventional, realistic. They were all just like Linda.
I was petting Merch, the lab. He was sniffing my ankles, I had a tiny bit of Chanel perfume there. Merch was more my speed. He needed nothing more than my long nails scratching his head and the scent of my expensive perfume.
I looked up, Logan was watching me. "So Sabrina, have you tried any new restaurants lately?"
I smiled. "I did." This was the type of conversation I liked. I wanted to talk about how things tasted, felt, sounded, looked. I wanted to talk about movies, books, music, and restaurants. "We went to the new Italian place on Third Avenue. I had the best cheese plate ever."
Linda laughed, she always thought what I loved was slightly underdeveloped, like I wasn't paying enough attention, but I was. Along with the cheese they gave us a honeycomb, fresh jalapenos, pine nuts, ginger jelly, and more, it was quite wonderful, and the staff was so nice. I wouldn't get a chance to tell Logan about it though.
She sniffed, "Cheese? That's what you liked best out of all the things we tried?"
I made a sad smile. "It was." I felt I should have said sorry so I went back to petting the dog, he didn't care if the things I loved were frivolous. I would tell him later about the six kinds of cheese we had, he would lick his chops, I would give him a piece of jerky, and thank him for letting me scratch him.
Logan touched my hand, it was on the dog's back. "The builders will be off tomorrow. Why don't we all go to the Italian place and try it? I love a good cheese plate." He smiled, he was being nice to me, he was getting me involved.
"No good, every other Sunday I have brunch at Gold's golf club, just the golfers. We talk about our handicaps, heh."
"Well, Sabrina how about you and me?"
I was surprised. "Me?"
The girl me? The one in the expensive stockings? The one in the Maidenform bra? I looked at Linda, she knew I would be dressed as a woman the entire weekend, especially if she wasn't taking me to brunch with her. She didn't like that I saw people dressed as a woman, I was surprised she was okay with me talking to Logan.
Linda gave me a little conspiratorial smile, "Sure," She touched my other hand, "Go, you two have fun."
***
"Are you going dressed as a girl tomorrow with Logan?" She asked and I nodded. She didn't seem too excited about it. She let me clean up, she went to look over her pile of paperwork.
That night I was sitting in my room, in front of my lighted mirror on my vanity, listening to Joni Mitchel, Julie Covington, Kirsty MacColl, something lite. Those artists reminded me of the kids. Linda liked podcasts, she didn't listen to music. She had to be learning something, even when she slept. She wore her headphones to bed, we never talked, that was her time for herself.
I had my hair up. I was taking off my makeup. I loved when the false lashes came off. I took hold with my delicate fingers, my long nails almost poking my blue eyes, and I pulled. I was de-glamming myself, I was still a woman in my mirror with or without makeup. I used a wipe and took off my lipstick, I loved the red on the white of the wipe. That was my color for a little while today. That is what made me happy, my lips, my white teeth, I smiled all day.
"You," I said to my reflection, "Are going out to dinner with a man." I smiled, I loved thinking about it. I couldn't tell Linda that my little 'clit' was so hard while we were drinking martinis with Logan. I couldn't tell her this was a fantasy of mine since, like, forever. I had told her almost everything else. "You are going to have fun again." I smiled, I used a washcloth and more wipes to remove the rest of my makeup, my cheeks, my eyes. I felt I was still beautiful, I felt I might even be beautiful inside too. My wig was on its foam head watching me, on its shelf, my real hair was in a high ponytail. I still had girl's hair, I still had my slightly curvy feminine body, my feminine look on my face. Lately, I was always female in my mind, even in my male clothes, I started taking low doses of estrogen. I was almost seven months into HRT and dressing up so much more. I smiled, I licked my lips, I played with my breasts in the black lacy bra.
Just the thought of being on a date, "Wait is this going to be a date? Is Logan taking me on a date?" I would get the courage, somehow, to ask him, just like I asked my reflection.
My long fingers went down to my little black panties. They were made of lace and silk. They were see-through. You could make out the little patch of hair hiding behind the lace. I started to finger myself. I always played with my 'pussy' like I was a 'woman.' It wasn't that hard to do, the mind was a very powerful tool. I started to push. Just the thought that I would be with a man, as his date, on the other side of a table was making me excited. Maybe he would tell his friends, the waitress, his mother. He would tell them he went out to dinner with a younger beautiful woman, a neighbor, a MILF who wore heels and big gold earrings. I started to shake, I started to push, I started to move my bottom. My ass was so round, my hips just slightly wider than last year, my body more feminine than it had any right to be. I licked my lips, I shook my ponytail, I watched my big hoops dance around my cheeks. "Oh no," I whispered, I started to cum, I pressed harder, I was cumming in my panties, my bench would be wet. I was shaking my vanity, a cup with my liner pencils fell over. I am always so surprised. "Ahh," I moaned. "Thank you for dinner, ahh..." I would kiss him goodnight. I would touch his chest, I would beg for another date. I would beg to be listened to. "Yes, yes, yes..." I closed my eyes, my hands left the panties, and started rubbing my breasts again.
I had a big smile on my face, this new frivolous 'woman' just had a marvelous orgasm and she wasn't even wearing makeup.
***
"Ugh, I was on the phone and computer all morning, the banks, Amazon, even work." Linda was busy this Sunday morning. "I can't wait to get to the club."
I was in a nightgown and a long robe. I had pantyhose hidden underneath, I had on three-inch heels, but still no makeup. I had been lounging all morning. "I hope you have fun." I smiled as I poured some coffee.
"And how about you, going to dinner with Logan. I hope you don't run into the ex-wife, ha." I looked at her, I think she was finally realizing I had a date, why else would she bring up his ex. They have been divorced for way over a year. She was sleeping with a relative, an uncle or cousin, or something. I only knew what Linda told me. I didn't really care.
"I'm looking forward to the restaurant. I loved that place, I love the decorations and atmosphere."
"Really? I can't even remember."
I was going to get dressed and made up after she left, I didn't even know what time we were leaving. I didn't even know if it was really going to happen. Linda told me all the things she had been working on this morning, all the bills and problems concerning the house and her work. She said she was working on things I wouldn't understand. She didn't even know why she was telling me. It sounded like she was complaining. I nodded, I looked interested. I felt my hair in the ponytail, I felt my stockings, I felt myself, in my little panties. I couldn't wait to paint my nails, pick out an outfit, brush my hair, tell her goodbye.
"Are you listening to me?"
I was daydreaming, "Oh, I am, I'm sorry. What are you doing next week?"
She told me she was going on a little golfing trip, Helene, her friend, emailed this morning. One weekend, two and a half days. She told me, she didn't ask me.
***
End Part 1 of 5
Daydreaming on Deck (Part 2)
By Sabrina G. Langton
***
Author's note... More ticking inside our heroines' head. We find out what she has been up to this last year, we learn a little more of her past...
***
Logan texted, he would be here at two. He was driving. I asked him if I could get dressed up, I had a little black dress I had been dying to wear. He said he couldn't wait to see me in it.
I took a long bath then a short shower. I stood in front of my mirror, my full-length one, the one on my closet door, the one Linda hung up for me, the one that keeps on falling. I posed. I was naked. Well almost, I had on a black bangle bracelet. My 'clit' was tucked back, I had on my D cup breast forms. I was a 'woman' getting ready for her date. I let out the most feminine sigh, the most startling little squeak. I didn't know where it came from. I put on my black corset, I slipped on my black panties, I slid on my sheer to the waist nude pantyhose. I found the most perfect bra, with more black lace, lots of cleavage. I loved going shopping and buying bras. I loved looking through all the styles, telling the salesgirls I was a D-cup, telling them what my 'husbands' favorite color on me was. If they asked I would tell them I was transgender, that was the term Linda wanted me to use, I wanted to be consistent. No one ever asked, I don't think they cared or maybe they just thought I was a woman doing her shopping. Part of me didn't want to ever know what they thought.
"Hi," I would say to the women at the mall, "I love your nails, I love your heels." I would smile, I would get compliments back. They would pick out a dress that was perfect for my new figure, perfect to get my 'husbands' pulse racing. We would giggle together, I would give them a big tip, I would send over muffins and fruit. I would tell my imaginary friends about them and their sales. I wanted to tell the girls in 'Victoria's Secret,' or the older women in the larger department store how much I appreciate them being nice to me, listening as I carried on about nothing. I wanted to take everyone out for drinks, invite them over to my house for coffee, have them meet my perfect 'husband.' Sometimes I wanted to cry.
Sometimes, I felt silly, I felt 'frivolous,' I felt a slight pain under my breasts. I felt Linda was disappointed in me. So I stayed in the car, I put the music on loud. I would cry just a little. I then went back home. I would cry in front of my mirror. She didn't like that I went out dressed, she thought I would draw attention to myself, get in trouble. She never took me out. We never ate dinner out as two women, shopped as two friends, went for a power walk around the lake in shorts and a crop top. She never told her friends about her transgendered husband. She never even told Logan. I did.
I sat at the vanity, I had rollers in my hair, I was using the blow dryer. I had some product in it, my hair always smelled amazing. I was putting on my foundation with an expensive airbrush kit. Linda thought it was too extravagant, too complicated for me. She read me the instructions. She pointed to all the buttons, showed me how to hold it. She was annoyed when she was done, she slammed the door and left me alone. The women at the salon said it was a present, told me to have fun with it. I was satisfied with my brushes and pencils, I was satisfied with my fingers, but I was so happy they were thinking about me. I was happy they had faith. That day I looked in my mirror and cried, Linda made me feel embarrassed, she told me it was too hard for me to understand. I would never be able to use it. I was just a dumb blonde that shouldn't even bother with these things.
That was last summer. I tried not to think of the times I felt uncomfortable, I only wanted good karma surrounding me. I meditated, the mind was a powerful tool. I hummed my favorite song. I put on my long eyelashes, my mascara, penciled around my eyes, then brushed and darkened my eyebrows. I had them waxed and shaped over ten months ago, I tried to go once a week. I was having the hair on my face removed there too. Sometimes they would wax my entire body. They called me Miss, I loved it. They showed me how to do my eye makeup, make my eyes bigger, make them pop. They showed me how to do my lips, how to blend in the colors, how to make them look sexy. One of the customers at the salon said I had perfect blow job lips, and then immediately apologized. I came back an hour later with two bottles of Prosecco. I thanked her for apologizing, I told her I loved my lips. She kissed my cheek and left a red mark.
I smiled into my lighted mirror, it always made me look better. I wished I could carry it around with me, talk to everyone as a reflection. In the mirror my lips did look spectacular, my white teeth were perfect. I had them whitened a year ago, I go every couple of months. I started wearing a retainer, I wanted to fix my slight overbite. The dentist told me it was fine, but I wanted it perfect. I wore it all night while Linda wore her headphones, she didn't even know about it.
I had to shake my head, I felt the rollers on my shoulders, I had to stop daydreaming and get ready. I always did this, I was a dreamer. My teachers in high school all said I had a great imagination, Linda and her friend Helene said I had ADHD. I couldn't help that I took so long to get dressed. Linda was quick, twenty minutes, makeup, hair, and at least four phone calls. She didn't dawdle. Me? It took ages, it took forever, it made me so happy. The girls at the salon told me I didn't need too much makeup to achieve a look I would look great in. They taught me how to look natural, they showed me how to go glam. I like something in between. When I sat in front of the mirror, I sort of spaced out. I imagined I was getting ready for a big party to meet so many people to dance and drink with, and then say goodbye to new friends. I imagined I was going to work and I wanted to do something different with my hair. I imagined I was getting ready to go to bed with my 'husband' to have him make love to me, have him scream out my name as he had the best orgasm of his life. Phew. Doing my makeup and hair was just a small part of my routine. Linda sometimes stood behind me, surprising me, easing me out of my fantasy world. She would laugh and shake her head and tell me to stop talking to myself. I'm sure she was wishing I took up parachute jumping or rock climbing instead of learning to contour my cheeks.
My lips were pink, my top lip was my favorite, I knew how to make it look perfect. I kissed my reflection and she kissed me back. I put on my long press-on nails. Also, pink to match my toenails and lips, I was almost ready.
I slipped on my little black dress. It had thin straps, which covered my bra. The hem came down to the middle of my thighs showing off my perfect legs, my knees my ankles. I had on four-inch opened-toed pumps with a slight platform. I loved platforms, all the height without the huge arch of the foot. I didn't have a problem, posing and walking in heels. The women at the mall would shake their heads when I showed them how easy I could glide in six to even ten-inch heels.
I took my hair out of the rollers, I shook my head, I ran a brush through it. I then put on a big, black and pink chunky necklace, to cover the seam to my forms. My breasts and cleavage looked so real and femme, I was hoping Logan was a breast man, a leg man, a man that was going to be nice to me.
A little Chanel on my knees, ankles, and wrists. I found a perfect clutch, filled with the necessities, hung the little strap around my wrist. I brushed my teeth again, I sprayed some breath freshener. I went to sit on the new porch to look out the window, at Capistrano. I was nervous, my legs were crossed and bouncing. My heel was dangling off of my toe. Every car that passed I lost my breath a little bit, I wasn't used to dating men. I said it out loud, "I'm not used to dating such a good-looking man," I giggled, the anticipation was making my leg bounce even more. My heel fell off.
I realized it was the first time I would be seeing Logan without Merch. The first time we would be together not on my deck. This would technically be our fifth date. I giggled to myself, a high girlie giggle. When we first met, he wasn't looking for me, he was looking for Linda. He didn't believe that I was transgender, he didn't believe I was in my mid-forties either or was the husband of the house. I was six years his junior and the two of us were both married for twenty-two years. We both had two children and we lived a couple of hundred feet apart. We had never met before he had seen me in my dress and heels, even though we both had been living in this town for more than fifteen years.
I would get all dressed up and take my selfie stick to record walking on the deck. I loved the sound of my heels on the wood. I loved the sounds of my bracelets and earrings jingling. I did this for the two to three days that Linda allowed. I loved being outside, fixing my hair. I heard him before I saw him. The first time he saw me he called me a beautiful lady.
He said, "Oh, I'm sorry beautiful lady but my dog wants to visit you."
It was cute, that was his line. His big dog came up the steps to the deck and sniffed my ankles. I bent down and pet his neck, his head. he licked my hands. Logan told me if Merch, his dog liked me then he would like me too. I smiled, he was being so nice. I figured I would tell him I was a male dressed as a female and he would excuse himself and leave. I would give him the option. "Ooh let me go," He said, he ended up leaving, but just so he could feed the dog. He waved to me as I watched him walk back toward his house. I mentioned I would be dressed again in a couple of days if he so happened to come and visit me again. I didn't tell him that I didn't do it as much as I liked. I wanted him to think I had a choice.
Three days later after work, I was recording myself again, lost to the world, in a short red dress and high-heeled sandals. The dog ran up, he was so happy to sniff a familiar ankle. Logan seemed happier to see me too. We had wine, we talked, he laughed at my favorite movie selections, we took pictures, I laughed at his favorite fast-food restaurants. He held my hand to look at my extra-long red nails, I told him I felt very glamourous this morning and giggled. He said he wanted me to scratch his back and I did. We stayed talking for a couple of hours. I felt his hard shoulders and arms. I tickled him, he laughed. I forgot all about Linda. I completely forgot I wasn't a real woman.
But that was then, now we were going out together. In front of other people. People were hopefully going to assume.
I looked at the clock, it was still early, it was almost two. I pulled out my compact and checked my lips. I smiled, I looked so good, I was a beautiful 45-year-old woman. I said that out loud, "I think I'm a beautiful 45-year-old woman, in my own way, maybe from across the room... or across the street" I giggled, I had to remember what the girls from the salon told me or the ladies at the stores in the mall, they were always full of compliments and they made my courage and willpower a little stronger. No one would look at me funny, or weird, no one would think I was anything but female. Especially if I was out with a man.
"Sorry, I will be out with a man," I told my compact. "So I won't be home, forward all my calls."
The third time Logan came to the back deck I was wearing a long red gown. It was my favorite type of outfit, more red, redder, my favorite color too. The front was so low cut, my breasts were completely visible. I looked very slutty, I had on dark red lipstick on my perfect blowjob lips. I had on beige stockings and black four-inch pumps. My hair was brushed so nice and had hairspray on it to keep the style. I had on big black triangle earrings and a thin watch on my wrist. I also had on a big beige floppy hat, it was sunny, it was early. I was taking videos of myself posing. I had my phone on a chair and I was practicing sitting and crossing my legs. Bending to show off my breasts. The seam in full view of my camera. Merch barked and surprised me, I almost peed my panties. Logan asked me to take off my hat, he started playing with my real hair, he was constantly staring down at my chest.
Maybe I should of worn that dress for this date, Logan couldn't stop looking at me. He kept on glancing at my breasts. I was smiling the whole time, I was looking off into the forest behind the deck making believe I didn't know he was checking out the boob situation. My legs were completely out of my dress too. I had a slit up to the top of my thigh. I was constantly rubbing my legs, feeling the nylon, dangling my heels. I was bouncing my legs, feeling and hearing the swish of the nylons. Even my red silk panties would be seen if I shifted the right way. I wore that dress that day on purpose, I knew he was coming over, I knew he would love it and give me his full attention. I now had it all on video, the two of us talking and touching all afternoon.
I was still daydreaming by the window, my other heel fell off as I heard the car pull into the driveway. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't stop shaking. I put my shoes on and stood by the door. I waited for him to knock, ring the bell.
Ding dong.
I got ready to open, to present myself. What was the big deal we have been together four times already? I opened the door. "Hi." I smiled, just another woman meeting her date.
"Hi, yourself, wow you look incredible in that dress." He was looking at my legs, he handed me flowers. "I'm sorry. I was spacing out a bit."
I smiled, "That's okay I do that all the time. I don't recognize you without the dog." I told him, then smelled the flowers. I invited him in, he was wearing a nice jacket and dress pants. He was in the house and Linda wasn't.
I showed him the old extension on the house, Linda had been discussing it with him. I showed him my room, the artwork on my walls, my stereo system, our wine bottles. I showed him the ceiling fan Linda installed, the wallpaper she put up, the new spices I bought at the market. I then showed him the two empty kids' bedrooms, he told me he had two empty rooms too. He held my hand as we looked at my daughters' drawings on her wall.
"Maybe we should go," I told him, I wanted to sit in his car I wanted to start this date, I didn't want it to start off so sad.
***
He reserved us the best table at La Traviotta, the best view of the gardens in the back, and the best view of the wine cellar. I told him that's one of the things I loved about this place.
"I always wanted a wine cellar," Logan said as the owner brought us over to look at his. There were over four hundred bottles. Logan found a year he liked, once he tasted it we walked back to our table, he pulled out my chair and I sat down. I was having fun already, we ordered the cheese plate.
"I am a sommelier."
Logan looked at me, "What? Really?"
"Mmm-mmm, I went to school in France then Italy, then worked in Monterey, among other places. But it was so far away from our little Southern California town." I smiled, he was paying attention, he was holding my hand. "The last time I was working for almost six months but Linda wanted me to come back, work from home, she said the kids missed me."
"Ah, you loved it?"
"I did, I try not to think about that part of my life. It was very different."
"You are getting more interesting and attractive by the second." He chuckled as he rubbed my arm. "Linda never mentioned that, what is your day job now?" He couldn't imagine a woman like me would be so interesting.
"I'm a video editor and sometimes a producer. I get something, I make something, I'm almost an artist. It doesn't take an awful lot of my time anymore. A couple of days a week. I also work with a couple of restaurants online, I help them pick out their beer and wine lists, I know a little bit of everything." I smiled, I didn't like to talk about myself but he was listening. "What do you do besides take your dog for walks?"
He laughed, he took my other hand. "I look for pretty women to have dinner with me."
"This is technically brunch. Oh and that's not a job."
"Says who? Sometimes it's a lot of work." We laughed it was nice. "I used to be a Financial analyst, now I'm semi-retired. I now do whatever anyone asks me to do."
We ate the cheese and the jalapenos, pine nuts, and honey. We totally devoured the homemade bread. I told him I was thinking about quitting my job, I was part owner, maybe sell my half. I wanted to work in a restaurant or bar again, I wanted to meet people.
"What about Linda, what does she think?"
"She doesn't even listen to me, she thinks all my ideas are silly. Once the kids left the house she was done anyway, she moved on with her life. She ramped up her golf playing, she took on more clients." I shrugged. "But it's okay she's finally enjoying herself. Sometimes I don't think she even needs me. How about you, do you miss being married?"
"I do, I miss mornings the most. I miss waking up with someone." They started to bring more food, we smiled at the help. "I also miss company walking the dog, Natasha, my ex used to come with me. She wanted to keep the dog, so we compromised, I bring him over to where she works to visit."
"Oh, that's nice." I looked at him, he didn't seem that sad. He kept glancing down at my breasts, my hands even my earrings. I could tell he was enjoying this time with me. "You know, I would fight you to the death for the dog." I gave him a fierce look, squinting my eyes.
"Well, I would give him to YOU. He loves when I visit, heh. Then I would get to visit you more often too. But then YOU would have to take him to see Natasha. Sorry."
"I'll work something out." We laughed.
We then had salad, a main course, he let me pick out a Bordeaux, a French wine in an Italian restaurant, to eat with the filet mignon he ordered. I told him a story. "When I was in France, Bordeaux actually, I was working in a field. I wanted to learn how the grapes were picked, selected. I was with two men, they were both so much older than me. Dark from the sun, they were working so hard, they were sweaty, hot, and tired. We sat and had water under a couple of trees, and a little girl suddenly wandered over holding flowers."
"Out of nowhere? Did you ever see her before?"
"No, I was there for about three weeks already and there was no time to investigate the towns at all. The little girl was sniffling, she handed me the flowers. She spoke, but I couldn't understand her, the men told me she wanted to give me a gift because I was so white. She had never seen anyone so white before. She hugged, then kissed my legs, and then ran off. The men called me fantôme or phantom after that."
"That's such a nice story."
"I only saw her one more time, the day I was leaving. Almost a month later. Nobody at the vineyard knew who she was or had seen her around before. She gave me more flowers, she said, 'fleurs pour le joli fantôme.' I hugged her and gave her a bottle of wine, my watch, and a box of raisins. Imagine? it was all I had. I cried when the van I was in drove by her. She was waving to me. I waved back, I still miss her and I don't even know why."
***
We said goodbye to the owner and the staff. They invited us back for a special meal, pairing wines with dinner. They told me it would be nice talking with someone who knew about the wine they served. I took pictures of the wine cellar, artwork, and ephemera surrounding the bar. I wanted to show Linda, to remind her how beautiful this place was. We left, we walked around the neighborhood. Our neighborhood.
I loved listening to the sound of my heels clicking on the sidewalks, passing the people glancing our way, nodding their heads as a greeting. "Thank you." I told him, "for taking me out."
He smiled, he took my hand and we sat on a bench in front of a closed Dry Cleaning store. "Sabrina, I don't know how to tell you this." He put his hand to his face, "I hope you don't get mad at me." I turned toward him, I started to get nervous. I was thinking Linda told him something, he was somehow doing me a favor.
"What?"
"Well, I purposely went to your house. I was talking to Linda at the lumber yard, I have seen her several times since I started my project, you know she seems to know everything about hardware, permits, she's so informed." He looked at me, but I didn't want to talk about her. "She also told me about you, said her husband was a little bored, a little depressed, needed some company. That week I was behind the house on that state land, and I saw a pretty woman in a black dress on the deck. To me she was so beautiful, she was all I could think about. I thought at first it was a mirage, heh, I knew it wasn't Linda. I had to come up with a plan to meet her."
I was watching him, he wanted to meet a woman. I hoped that is how he still thought of me.
His arm went around me as people passed us, we smiled up at them. "Well, actually the dog came up with the plan I just followed, heh. I was surprised when you told me who you were. Pleasantly surprised. I was doing a favor for Linda and talking to a lovely woman at the same time." He lightly tapped my nose. "Two birds, one stone."
I looked at him, he kissed me. It was nice. We kissed again, my mouth opened and our tongues danced. Linda was twelve blocks away and I didn't care.
***
It wasn't that late, we were in front of my house. The lights were off, I didn't realize Linda would still be out.
"I was wondering," I looked over to him, I had my legs crossed, my nails were tickling my thighs. I had his complete attention, I was turning into a flirt. "Would you mind if we went to your house? I would love to see the dog."
He smiled and we drove off, we were at his house in six minutes.
He gave me the tour. Of course, Merch was happy to see me, I had on my Chanel perfume. The dog sniffed my ankles as we had coffee, we had some Baily's, I was enjoying myself. "Logan? Is this a date?"
"I think so, I'm sorry maybe I should have been more specific when I asked, heh."
I watched him pour more coffee, I grinned when he was done, I was enthralled. I was holding my hair out of my face, I liked wearing this dress, these heels, smiling in my pink lipstick. Linda would have never sat and had coffee, dessert, she would be in bed with her headphones. She would make me sleep in my own room if I was in girl mode. She would make me shower twice to get all the perfume off.
"Um, I like that you are this new woman, is it really only a year that you have been out dressing like this?"
I moved closer to him on the couch, I took out my phone. I had never shown these pictures to anyone. I always felt they weren't real, they were just some fairy-tale I imagined. "This is me in Bordeaux and then Paris, about ten years ago." I showed him pictures of me working, "I learned and worked in six different places while I was there. I was very busy."
"Wow, you were always very beautiful, I didn't realize you were working as a woman. Living as a woman."
"I didn't want to leave there. The owners wanted me to stay but the family wanted to know why I wasn't coming home." I shrugged and showed him pictures of me from five, six years ago in Northern California. I wore such a long wig then, darker than my real color. "Linda was mad that I kept on going away for months at a time. She finally made the kids call again, and I missed them. Even though they were both away at college." I showed him more pictures from cafes and small bars that I had helped open or worked in. I considered it my other career in my other fairy-tale life.
"And who is that?" He was pointing to a tall man that had his arms around me.
"That is someone I met in San Francisco. He visited me quite a bit while I worked in Monterey." I showed him more of us together, some of us dancing and even one of us kissing. I missed him. "He's married now and doesn't call me anymore. That was the best two months of my life." I took a deep breath, I never told Linda about my liaisons with men, though there weren't that many.
I put my phone down, he put his arms around me tighter and I moved against him, my hand on his chest. He kissed the top of my head. "I like this, thanks for showing me those pictures. I'm glad I know more about you. Thank you for coming to my house and learning more about me."
He held me a little tighter, I then moved down and put my head on his chest, when I was in France and California I wore a wig, I was glad that I now had my own hair. I felt much more real like this. I was looking at my long nails on his arm, my nylon leg draped over his. He started to caress me. He put his hand under my chin and we kissed again, it was wonderful. It was exactly what I needed. It was exactly what this bored, depressed, lonely 'woman' needed. His one hand went to my breast as the other held me close. I lightly touched his face with my nails, I played with his messy hair. And we just kissed a sloppy kiss, on his chin on his cheek on his lips. Kissing a man was so different, better somehow and it was unplanned, I was getting a little too turned on. I glanced at his crotch, a man hasn't been attracted to me in so long. Very rarely do I even come in contact with one, just to talk, touch, flirt.
He took my hand and placed it on the front of his pants, and I started to rub. He rubbed my breasts and kissed my neck. I made the most girlish sigh when I got the chills running right down my back, my arms filled with goosebumps, my panties were getting tighter. I wanted him. I wanted him to be happy with my femme appearance. I wanted him to be happy he met a new woman.
I broke away from his embrace, I reached down to his zipper. I heard the teeth rattle, I heard my bracelets jingle. I giggled when I put my hand on his briefs. I made him stand up. I pulled down his pants and shorts, his cock was inches in front of me. I started to rub it, his hands started playing with my hair. I kissed his cock lightly, "I like when a man plays with my hair." My hair and his cock rubbed against my face. I stood up and I felt him take in my scent, I kissed his neck.
"You feel so good against me," He whispered.
His cock was getting bigger, harder, he was very impressive. My hands looked so tiny and feminine jerking him off. He had gotten so quiet, we kissed again as I rubbed his dick. I was watching my grip, my long fingers around him, feeling him. Soon he started breathing more irregularly, moaning lightly, I started pumping a little faster. I then played with his balls, pushing his cock with my wrist. I rubbed his hardness against his body, I used to be good at this. I used to be able to take care of a man. I imagined someone was watching from outside the window, just someone passing by, being pleasantly surprised. I would tell them they could get in line, they could be next.
Logan woke me up out of another daydream. "I'm, I'm gonna cum." he announced, I giggled, I'm making a man orgasm. I pushed harder, I then grabbed the top of his cock and caught his sperm in my fingers, it made it easier to maneuver his dick, play with him, which made it easier to rub. I kept on pushing his cum around his manhood, he leaned back and we kissed again harder. I felt his tongue in my mouth, my hair on his face. He was so much bigger than me, taller, I had to inch up. I opened my eyes wide, I started to cum myself, my 'clit' had reached over my tiny panties, had broken out of its tuck. I rubbed on his hip as I still played with his now softening wet cock. I didn't stop looking at him as I moaned into his lips, lightly kissing them until my orgasm subsided. I gave him one more lick of his lips and chin and laid my head down on his chest. He held me tight. I was worn out, a man had made me happy for the first time in years. If someone looked in the front window at us they would think we were husband and wife.
"I looked up at him. "Can I stay and wake up with you in the morning?"
He glowed, he kissed me. My phone rang.
***
End of part 2 of 5
Daydreaming on Deck (Part 3)
By Sabrina G. Langton
***
Author's note... More of our story about a quiet, married, older, new transgender woman, a listener, but she never tells anyone about all the conversations she has inside her head... I hope YOU like it...
***
We were a couple of houses away. I could see Linda's car in the driveway.
I wanted to stay with him, I wanted to take more pictures, I was feeling so feminine, it was the type of experience I have been craving. I would come up with something later to tell my wife.
"Can I kiss you goodnight?" He whispered.
I took off my seatbelt I leaned over and he kissed me. A car drove around us, we were taking too long. The driver would tell someone he had seen two teens making out in their car, in the middle of the road. Logan pulled on my hair. We looked at each other. He then ran his fingers through it, making eye contact. He put both hands in my hair, then started to caress my cheeks, my strands in his fingers. He then grabbed another handful of hair from the back of my head and drew me to him again, holding me against his lips. We kissed. I was getting excited all over again. He then let me go, we pulled apart slowly.
"I love your hair and your lips. I want to see both on a pillow on my bed one morning. Hopefully soon."
"Soon." I echoed, I was getting enraptured again but I had to get back to Linda. I had to come up with an excuse anyway, just in case she asked.
We pulled up to the house, I wanted to kiss him again but I had to get out, "Goodnight, and thank you." and slowly made my way to the door. I waved to him and he drove away. I had too much fun tonight, I felt like I didn't deserve it.
***
"Wow, that was a long dinner." Linda got up off the couch, she was ready for bed. "I saw Helene, she told me she saw Logan with a beautiful blonde at that restaurant."
"Did you tell her it was me?"
"Tell her, that my blonde husband was out with a male neighbor, yeah that's what I need spread around our little town."
I shrugged, I didn't care. Years ago she wouldn't tell anyone I was learning and working in France, as a woman. She wouldn't tell anyone I was in Monterey wearing designer dresses, quietly meeting clients for lunch, visiting so many wineries. A woman who was making twice as much money as she was. Now she had her chance, it was her idea, maybe she didn't truly believe it, but she still wouldn't tell anyone her husband was transgender.
***
The next couple of days I dressed up to meet Logan. It was like years ago when I was sneaking around. No one knew how extensive my wardrobe was back then, now it was complete, it was perfect. My body was thin and round and thick in all the right places, I wanted to show off. Last year I promised Linda I would stay on the deck, only a couple of times a week, I wouldn't get too used to it. I wouldn't get too comfortable in my heels or using my long nails. I would just stay in the back, hidden by trees, from people. Things now had to change, I didn't want to be lonely anymore. I had experienced too much, with the women at the salon and the mall, with Logan and Merch. Even with my own progress.
I would see the two of them through the trees, my knees would get weak, my breathing all ragged. They were always surprised by my outfit of the day. I wanted to be a fairy tale, I wanted to be overly feminine and have some fun. I wanted them to see me being a fantasy. Monday I wore a long pale blue ball gown. Long silver earrings, my hair slightly up in the back. I clicked around the wooden deck in my clear plastic heels, taking videos and calling Linda, making sure she wasn't going to be home early. I had already worked, cleaned the house, made dinner, I was ready. I waved when they came in view. I struck a pose when the dog rambled up the steps. I curtseyed and held my chiffon when they got closer.
Logan didn't make fun of me or laugh, he just smiled, dropped the dog's leash, and took me in his arms. We kissed, the trees our only audience. The dog sitting on the bench chewing his birthday bone.
"You look fantastic." He told me, he kissed my neck and slipped his lips down to my breasts. I was thinking were we moving too fast, what was the protocol? I wasn't used to a man's hands on my body.
"So do you." I had my long nails in his hair pushing his face against me. I felt his body against me. "One day can I walk with you and Merch? Can you introduce me to people?"
He looked down at me, he was so tall, he had a sneaky smile on his face. "I can, and I will." His face once again made it down to my breasts, to my stomach, my dress was so full, it had a long slip underneath. The hem came to the ground, even hiding my heels. Logan was squatting his lips millimeters from my 'pussy,' millimeters from the white silk panties hiding it. "Mmm," He said as he nuzzled me, my flat mound, smelling like powder. He looked up at me, holding my hips. "Can I see your legs?"
I smiled, I glowed, no one had ever asked me that before. "Of course, you can." I slowly drew my long dress up, bunching it in my hands, holding it against my body. My ankles, calves, knees, white thighs are now in view.
"Mmm," He kissed my thigh, played with my legs, nuzzled his face against me. He kissed the female mound in my panties, he licked the line of hair hiding in the transparent panties, he sniffed the part of my body right above them, he made me moan. I was shaking as he stood up, I dropped the dress, he sat on a big wooden chair, I fell into his lap. "I wasn't expecting a princess, but now I will always expect the unexpected" He laughed as we kissed, I felt his cock getting hard, felt his body hold me, I was enveloped by his arms. I rotated my ass, feeling his cock swell.
We talked about our date, the restaurant, the cheese plate, and the wine cellar. I told him the music there was perfect, subtle, and romantic. He told me the silverware was ornate and heavy, he told me my eyes looked radiant, my voice soft, subtle, and romantic.
I slipped off him, I got down on my knees. My hands on his thighs. The dog barked, I lost my breath, my heart stopped.
"Good morning."
"Beautiful day out." He told them.
"It is, have a nice day."
I was on my knees leaning against his legs watching the couple holding hands, heading toward the lake. I was glowing. I made him bend down and kiss me. "That was nice. I bet they would have stayed if, well you know." I told him, "I usually never see anyone back there, maybe we can have friends together."
"Maybe? You mean definitely."
I took his cock out, I smelled the musk of his body, I rolled him around my face, my red-painted lips. I put him into my mouth, he slid down so easy. I felt him reach the back of my throat, his hands in my hair again. His hands making me a mess. I moved up and started licking him from the head of his dick to his balls, I kissed him from top to bottom, I licked his hard belly, his hard thighs, his extra hard manhood.
I grabbed his cock with both my hands, loving how he looked gripped with my long red nails. My thick silver bracelets around my wrist, my princess dress enfolding me, making me warm and more excited. "I want you to cum in my mouth." I kissed his cock, I smiled, I licked the head. I licked and licked, then I started pumping, I jerked him off. My tongue right against him, just waiting for him to squirt, shoot, enter me. I rubbed my nylon legs together, feeling the friction, felt myself move in my panties, once again I was getting ready to cum in my panties, two days in a row. I haven't had a man for over five years and now I was on a roll. Now a cock was near my mouth. When was it going to enter my pussy, when was I finally going to lose my virginity?
I started to suck again, I felt myself getting more excited. His hands went into my hair, guiding me on his dick. I was thinking that I wanted to take Logan to visit friends, visit the women in the mall, the salon, have him watch me get my lips done, my hair styled. Even my legs waxed. I wanted him to help me zip up my dresses, take off my corset, hold on to his shoulder so I could slip on my heels. He started to cum, I was daydreaming again. I had a man in my mouth and once again I was drifting off.
"Sabrina, this feels incredible." He was loving this, this would be the best part of his day, his week, his...
"Uhh, " I started to moan, I couldn't breathe again, I was cumming in my panties. How crazy was this, I didn't even have to touch myself, didn't have to push and rub and squeeze. I just had to be near a man, a man I was starting to enjoy, both his company and body.
I cleaned his cock with my tongue, I felt the cum drip down my legs, making my off-white pantyhose slightly sticky. I felt his cum drip down my throat making me more excited, more happy. I tucked him back into his pants in case we were visited by the couple again. I stood in front of him and lifted the dress, exposing my legs, my wet silk panties, I straddled him. My long cotton bodice and sparkly seafoam tulle hovered around his body. We kissed and then I relaxed against him, we would have to do this again. And again.
***
Linda was home, I was all de-glammed. I served her dinner, I thanked her for fixing my closet mirror. Again.
The next day I wore a burgundy Lolita dress. I bought it last Christmas but never wore it, I felt silly, but it looked incredibly sexy on me. Obviously, Logan thought so too, he was hard before he even made it up to the deck. I had him in my mouth and made him cum before we even said hello, before even petting the dog. He didn't want to leave me, looking so young and innocent. We walked the dog together for the first time, but I had to kiss him goodbye, I had to get dinner and drinks ready again for Linda.
After he left I changed into non-gender-specific clothing. I put a meal together. When Linda walked into the kitchen to greet me she asked why I smelled of perfume if Tuesdays weren't one of my regular dressing up days. I just shrugged. "I don't know. I was in the mood to smell nice." I could tell it wasn't a good enough answer. I felt her studying me the entire night. I heard her listening to me talk to myself by my bedroom door.
***
Wednesday morning, Linda wouldn't leave, she was on the phone, complaining about something not working or broken or missing. She kept on pointing to things for me to give her. She finally left but was still on her phone, she told me she would be home early, she told me to make something she liked, for once.
I texted Logan, I had to get dressed and begged him to come early to visit me. He was working but was going to stop by. I told him I had another hot fantasy outfit to show him, I would just have to change it before Linda got home. He was over before I hung up the phone.
I had a cheerleader outfit that I never wore, it was too revealing, too much of nothing. It was a white and cyan short tank top with a little matching skirt. My belly button would be exposed, along with my smooth stomach and hairless arms and shoulders. My body was now so much thinner I would look so cute in something like this, but it was an outfit for the bedroom, not the outside wooden deck. I put on sheer to waist pantyhose, no panties, I was thinking I was an older slutty cheerleader. I tucked myself in and put on a small panty shield, just to keep me in place. I slipped into my five-inch white pumps with straps, I started talking to the woman in the mirror, she was as excited as I was. "This cheerleader doesn't wear sneakers," I told her, acting cute. "She is in charge, she's head cheerleader." I giggled, I was getting a little excited.
I went back to check myself, my makeup, I smiled, I licked my lips, I was finally ready. I was too sexy for a Wednesday mid-morning, but not too sexy for Logan. I flat ironed my hair, making it look so much longer. I had just a touch of makeup and red lipstick once again to match my nails. I grabbed my pom-poms and ran outside to practice my cheers. I wanted to do a Clasp, then a High-V, and end with my signature Touchdown motion. Maybe a handstand to show off my pantyhose and legs, but maybe not.
Once again the dog rested quietly while Logan watched me from the bench. I don't think he was quite ready for this presentation, my moves, my outfit. He didn't move.
"Well?" I asked, my hands on my hips. He was still a little frozen, his mouth was open. I threw my pom-poms at him and ran. I hid from him behind the table, we went back and forth each gaining just a little bit of distance from the other. We laughed, we ran, I was having too much fun. I was making so much noise in my heels. He called the dog and Merch slid around my legs, I was disoriented, I held onto one of the deck chairs, I looked up and suddenly Logan was holding me.
"I win."
He picked me up and held me in his arms, I kissed him. He was so strong, I was so light. Then he walked back over to the bench and I plopped on top of him again. He held my nyloned thigh. Merch jumped up next to us. I had my head on Logan's shoulder, he kissed my cheek, he started to rub my breasts. He went under the tank top, started playing with me in my cute white sports bra, it was tight, he had trouble putting his hands under it. He squeezed and I felt him get hard under me.
"Is this a preview of things to come?" He whispered in my ear, kissing my neck, I rubbed his chest.
"No," I kissed him, his tongue entered my lips, "This is what's happening right now, don't drift away on me."
He laughed as I got on my knees, I pulled him out of his pants, I was great at this now. I sucked his cock once more hoping someone would come by to visit. I played with him again with my long nails. Logan moaned and I wished we had visitors behind me having drinks, maybe another couple looking for a good place to make love, maybe someone lost asking for directions. He came all over my top, I pumped and he shot. I tried to find it all with my fingers and then put it as sexy as I could in my mouth.
"I better change, I can't have Linda seeing me as a high school cheerleader with cum all over my uniform."
"Why not? You can tell her that's who you are now."
I thought he was being facetious, but he seemed quite serious. He took my hand and I sat back down on his lap.
"Maybe you are ready to become a cheerleader, a princess, anything. Maybe you are ready to just become you." He moved my hair out of my face, he put it over my ear, he was looking at me. His fingers traced my lips, my nose, my ears. "If you need me, I'm here. I will do anything for you." I put my arms around him and we kissed.
"I'm too scared, I don't want to say or do anything that will make my kids uncomfortable or Linda angry at me.."
"Okay."
"Unless..." I shook my head, I didn't know what I wanted or needed.
He smiled, we stood up. He rubbed my body, he held us together. He bent and kissed my breasts in the polyester. It was now his turn to get on his knees. His head under my short skirt, his face snug against my midriff, his hands on my ass.
"God, you feel so good, Sabrina. This feels amazing." And he then started to kiss my pubic area, I held on to his head as he kissed and licked. I never expected a man to ever do something like this to me, I was getting nervous, I had to get out of this outfit, I had to look presentable for Linda. "Mmm," He said as his tongue went below my crotch, just grazing the panty liner. "You taste fantastic, mmm." He moaned as he kneaded my ass, he pushed his face more into me. I started to feel light-headed, I messed up his hair, my whole body was gyrating, I was trying to hold on. I started to moan, I was making noise, I started to cum as he pushed his nose and chin and mouth around my soft mound. I felt my panties get wet from his saliva and my orgasm. I held him until I could breathe again. He was still licking and kissing me. I giggled and shook as he stood up, he then picked me up and carried me into my room, my heels grazing the walls, and we fell on the bed.
I was slightly on top of him, he looked very satisfied with this 'woman' in front of him, the skirt was high on her thighs. His hands were now on her face and hair again.
"Maybe, I am ready. Ready for whatever's next." He smiled, we talked for a while, he came up with a plan, just an idea.
I then had to get changed, I let him watch, while I found a more demure outfit. An outfit fit for an afternoon with the wife AND new boyfriend. Something to wear while I was serving drinks.
Something that wouldn't distract her. Mainly because he had something important to discuss with her. Maybe there was someone she could meet.
***
End of Part 3 of 5
Daydreaming on Deck (Part 4)
By Sabrina G. Langton
***
Author's note... Part four, and we take a little trip down south, a little trip inside the mind and reminiscing of our heroine... I hope YOU like it...
***
Thursday morning, I woke up late, I waited for Linda to leave. We both had too much to drink with Logan last night. I tried to clear my head, I couldn't wait for the day to begin. I had an appointment.
Brrrring...
I picked up my phone, "Hello?"
"Hi, Sabrina, can I meet you at the salon today, I would like to meet Angela."
Logan knew what my answer would be. "Okay, I can't wait to see you later."
I stood, looking at my sorry reflection, I would feel and look so much better later. What was Linda going to say, with me dressed as a woman, ready to go out to dinner? She already agreed to go, she couldn't cancel now. There was no way I could be with Logan and not look sexy and glamourous, this was the only me he knew. She would now know that we had a completely different relationship than the one she assumed.
I decided I wouldn't worry about this now. It would have to be a surprise for her.
Last night, Linda had a great time, she talked to Logan about her problems at work, her credit cards, her 401K. She got it all out of her system. All the things she tells me and I daydream I drift away. She was so happy complaining, happy with dinner and the crazy drinks I was serving that she didn't mind me leaning into him, almost sitting on his lap. Kissing him before I went to get dessert. She thought it was great that we were getting along so well. She told him I needed a new friend, someone to hang out with. She wanted him to teach me how to drywall, put in an outlet, barbeque.
She was watching me in my short navy dress, stockings, and orange strappy heels. Did she really think we were bonding as men? Did she really expect me to wear denim and flannel? I wanted to wear something short, show off my legs, play with my long hair. I wanted him to find me prettier and more exciting than Linda. That was my plan all week and I think I achieved it.
"Linda, I was wondering if I could take the two of you out to dinner tomorrow. Someplace special, it's in Escondido. About ninety minutes away." He was hopeful, he leaned in, waited for her answer.
"Oh, okay, um what time?" She asked and looked at me, I had taken off my hairband, I was chewing on the end of it.
"Whenever you want. I can pick you up from work if you want, four?"
"Okay sounds great. I will be looking forward to it."
I truly hoped she would have a great time, I hoped she wouldn't focus on me. I hoped she had gotten so used to me in heels she wouldn't even notice anymore.
***
I was in my car, my hair down, slight makeup, wearing tight jeans and a sweater. I was outside of the salon, I brought flowers for the girls, I brought a bottle of wine for Angela, the woman who would work on my hair, the woman I told Logan about. The woman who I have met almost ten months ago. I would look different when I left today, I would feel more like myself. Linda wasn't going to be happy about it. I was nervous, I didn't want to leave the comfort of my car.
Knock, knock.
"Are you coming in honey?"
I jumped, I was daydreaming again. It was Angela. I got out and gave her a hug, my hands filled with presents and a shopping bag with my outfit.
The salon was quiet on Thursday afternoon, the girls were happy for someone to come in, they gathered around me and said hello. They always made me feel so good.
After Linda and I decided to change our lives, I scouted around for someplace to have my hair, nails, and legs done. Took me almost three months to narrow one down. One that was far enough away from the house so they wouldn't know Linda or any of her friends. I made four appointments before I actually walked through the door. I would cancel at the last minute, I would cancel while still in the parking lot. At night, I put cash in envelopes, dropped them in the mailbox with my name, and said I was sorry, I just couldn't do it. The fifth time one of the girls was outside the back of the shop, leaning against the building, she watched me park. I saw her walk over, I swallowed, I was going to leave again but now she was in front of me, in front of the car.
"Sabrina?
I opened the window a little more. "Mmm-mmm."
She put her hand through the little bit of opening I made. She took my hand. "I'm Angela, are you coming in today?"
"Mmm-mmm."
I was on the verge of tears. She helped me out, she held onto my arm, I wouldn't be able to run away. We walked into the store. She personally introduced me to everyone in the salon, even two of the customers. She took me to her big styling chair. I sat, I was nervous. She sat on a stool next to me. A younger girl brought over two glasses of wine and I smiled. Angela touched my hair, it was a wig, expensive but still a wig.
"Are we losing this today?"
"Mmm-mmm."
"Can I see what we have to work with?"
"Mmm-mmm."
I looked around, there was only one stylist and one older woman in this part of the salon, ignoring us. I took off my sunglasses, I took hold of my hair, I took off the wig. The long light blonde wig I always wore. Angela stood up and put her hands in my hair, messing it up, pulling it a little, checking in the mirror.
"Wonderful, it's so long, I am going to have some fun with this." She smiled at me in the mirror. She styled, she helped me with makeup, she pierced my ears. We made more appointments. Angela and two of the other girls walked me to the car.
Angela kissed my cheek, "Next time call when you are here I will come and get you."
They waved as I left, I pulled over two blocks away and cried. They were so nice, I was crazy for being so nervous. I should have saved all the nervousness for when I showed Linda my new look but surprisingly she didn't care, she told me I could wear a hat. A big one. The only thing she didn't like were the earrings.
***
Here I was, more than eight months later. In my favorite chair, with a bunch of women who knew my name, my size, my coloring.
"Angela, I'm ready for something new. Something a little drastic."
She stood behind me, looking in the mirror, smiling. She would never know how happy she made me months ago, how happy she was making me right now with her hands in my hair. But soon I would tell her. First I showed her a picture of me in my white dress in Bordeaux, France, years ago. I was so heavy, my wig was always a mess. My dress was an off-the-shoulder, peasant dress, that came down below my knees. This was what the other women who worked at the vineyards wore, I was just another one. I had on sandals with a chunky heel, the others wore sneakers or flip flops, I needed to wear heels.
"Would you believe that was me almost ten years ago?"
"I would honey, but things change, you are more beautiful, more confident now. You have a nicer figure and bigger boobs too." She laughed and played with my hair. "Now what are we doing?"
"Anything, whatever you think. I trust you. I just have to look good in that white peasant dress, It's in my bag. I am wearing it tonight."
"It's going to be a little big on your tiny body."
"I know, that's the look I'm going for."
***
I was in front of the mirror, my mouth was open, my hair looked incredible. It was full of curls and was a little darker, fuller, and shinier. My big golden hoops were peering through it. Angela added some extensions making it thicker and a couple of inches longer. Another one of the girls gave me nail tips, dark red, long, and now a part of me. No more press-ons to get lost when I played with my hair or adjusted my bra. They matched my toes and looked so feminine. They also thinned and darkened my eyebrows and plumped up my lips. The last thing Angela wanted to do was give me eyelash extensions. I kept on putting it off, it was too permanent, lasted too long and they would be too noticeable as a male. But she kept on telling me to stop and accept the fact that I was almost all female now. She told me it was on the house but then I would have to prance around the shop to show everyone how great I looked. I laughed, closed my eyes, and let her get on with it.
***
When she was done she joked that I could now wake up glamourous on my lover's pillow, and then, a man walked in.
"Oh I'm sorry, the woman up front told me Sabrina was here." Logan was looking at us, teasing. "She's about this high, probably not paying attention."
"Ha, yes we know that one," Angela laughed, "I'm sure we could find her for you." She then smiled at me in the reflection of the salon mirror. "Well, am I going to get an introduction?"
I stood up and took the leopard cape off of me. I was all in white. My old white dress, which Angela tied with a bow and a clip around my waist to make it tighter. Making the top more fitted and the dress part more full and shorter. The hem reached right at my calves showing off my white stockings, my white crotchless pantyhose with a pale blue line above the fake garter. I had on pale blue four-inch pumps. I had on no bra, the girls wouldn't let me wear the strapless one I had brought.
In France I never used a bra, I had no breasts and no one seemed to care, they called me poule mouillée. They hardly ever used my name, but they weren't mean, they treated me with respect. I had shown them so much, I had given as much as I had gotten. I taught them about music, read them some books, taught them some English, and showed them how to make buffalo wings, mojitos, and small talk. Life was hard, it was dirty, but it was fine. We had fun and I drank so much great wine.
Logan was watching me. I adjusted the top of the dress, it was off the shoulder with material just covering my breasts. My silicone forms were glued to my body, they were a half size bigger than my favorite D-cups. I wouldn't be showing any nipples during dinner and I would still show off my perfect shoulders.
I needed to wear this ragged white garment, I needed to put this ghost, this phantom to rest. I needed to show Linda and everyone else how much I had changed. I was a completely different 'woman' than the last time I wore this dress when I walked off the plane from France. She picked me up at the airport, she made me change in the backseat of the car. I was a male by the time I got on the highway.
Logan looked quite surprised as I spun around toward him. "Wow, you look sensational." He walked up to me and kissed me, he held my long hair.
"Everybody!" Angela called to the other women in the shop. They filled the room. "Sabrina is going to introduce us to her friend." She smiled a wicked smile when she said, friend. "Come on."
I looked around, there were now eleven of us in the back room of the salon. So many colors, so many accents, I had known them all so long. I wasn't nervous, or shy around them, they were my friends. They were nice to me, they always asked how I was and I was always happy to see them.
"Everybody, I would like you to meet Logan, we are kind of dating," I told them and they smiled. They told him their names and kissed his cheek, he was quite surprised we were so popular.
Angela of course wanted to know more. "And what does kind of dating mean?"
"Oh, you know," I said, being coy. "Okay thank you, everyone, I must be going now. I have a dinner appointment." I winked, I gave Angela the wine I brought so she could share it with her other customers. She handed me a white pocketbook filled with goodies, and we said goodbye and made lunch plans. Angela wanted to know more, much more, she wanted to be filled in on everything, she was so happy and quite surprised I was going out with someone.
***
I left my car in the salon's parking lot as we walked to his, out front, I heard a bark, Merch was in the car. "I have to take him with us, I'm sorry." Logan smiled.
"Sorry? I get to put my hands all over someone who loves my nails." I showed Logan my longer than usual red nails and he laughed.
"Okay, hop in."
We were getting ready, he drove a couple of blocks, "Sabrina can I ask you something, you might think I'm a little weird."
"Um... maybe," He pulled over.
"There is one thing I love that women do." I looked at him, this was it, this was probably why his wife left him, why he has been alone the last year. "I love when women put that brush on their face, I don't know, doing their makeup? I don't know what they do but I love watching."
I opened my bag and pulled out a blush brush, "Like this?" He smiled, I took out my compact, I rubbed the brush over my cheeks, my forehead, my chin. Logan and Merch just watched me. I pulled out a bigger one, my powder brush. Around my eyes, my cheeks again, I ignored him, I looked in my mirror. I kissed my image and then put everything back into my bag. Checked my hair in the visor mirror, I was making believe, they weren't watching me, I turned around to look at the two of them. "Are we going?"
He was silent he was still studying me, a huge smile on his face, a huge hard-on in his pants. I could tell he enjoyed that little show immensely. "Um, yeah, sorry. Let's get Linda."
***
"Please don't tell me, that's YOUR hair." Linda was looking at me, my hair of course was long, darker, and curly.
"Why, what's the matter?"
Linda was angry at me already, she hated my hair, she hated the dress, she called me ratty. "I know this isn't one of your dress-up nights. Didn't you just do this yesterday?"
"I did, I figured we were going to go out..." I was going off-plan, I didn't think she would be this pissed in front of Logan.
"What, now you are always going to go out as a woman, what to every restaurant now, what the fuck. And why are your boobs so big? Ahh, I'm sitting in the front." Linda hopped in the passenger seat, she slammed the door, I was going to sit in the back anyway. "I don't want to look at you."
I wanted her to talk to Logan during the ride anyway, not the back of our heads, and especially not at me. I was hoping she would forget I was even back here with the quiet dog, I think she was making him nervous too. It was going to be a long ride south.
I pet the dog, I read my book, I let them converse. I only looked up when I heard my name. "Sabrina? Why would you fucking curl your hair? Why would you dye it now?" Linda turned around, she was studying me. "You are not a teenager."
I thought it looked so nice, it felt wonderful. I held onto the dog for some strength, I was silent, I didn't like when she got like this. Usually, she only cursed over the phone, never at me or the kids. "Angela said it looked nice."
"Angela? You should have asked ME first before you did something so drastic. How long does this last?" She went back to looking out the front, ignoring me again. I caught Logan's eye in the mirror. I was hoping everything would be fine, I was hoping this wasn't a disastrous plan. I was thinking wait until she finds out my eyelashes are longer, my ears were pierced again, and my lips were more full. It wasn't just makeup. Wait until she hears I had botox injections in my forehead and around my eyes, she is going to be livid, I will need to hold on to the dog again when she finds out.
The rest of the drive she was quieter, we went along the water, it kept her attention. The only things she asked me were, who sang this song, who was that guy in that movie, what is the state sales tax, what liquor goes into a daiquiri? I was sometimes her Google, even though she said I was a dumb blonde and I didn't know anything. She told me I was full of useless information. I only knew what I wanted to know. I wished she would stop calling me names and start treating me like an adult, an adult woman. She had promised she would last year, I promised to give her support in whatever she did, though I knew mine was asking an awful lot more.
We passed the sign for Escondido. "Almost there." Logan looked in the mirror again, he smiled as his eyebrows went up. I'm sure he's surprised that Linda never asked any questions about where we were going. I was also wondering if he was wishing he was with her instead of me.
***
"Over here!" We heard someone call and the dog ran out of the car door. He was licking the woman on the face near a beautiful open-air restaurant. "Merch I missed you."
The three of us got closer, it was my first time meeting Natasha, Logan's ex-wife. They kissed, they seemed quite happy to see each other. He introduced her to Linda, but they said they had met before. I was standing behind Logan, I was nervous again. He took my arm and brought me closer to Natasha, she actually hugged me. "You are so beautiful, and I just love your hair." She looked at me, her fingers playing with the ends of my strands. I didn't want to look at Linda, I didn't want her to give me another unapproving face.
A man walked out, shook all of our hands, He was quite happy to see us too. "Hi, welcome to 'La Buena Vida'" It was Ricardo, Natasha's new husband. "Come, I will show you around, I will show you our little wine selection." He laughed and winked at me, I like that I was being singled out. I also liked that Linda was a little distracted, she hung back and talked to Natasha while the three of us entered the restaurant. We passed by customers out front under a tent, all in various stages of dinner. I smiled and they all smiled back.
"I always wanted a restaurant of my own," Natasha told us as we sat on the side, looking at the desert. Watching the sunset. "Something, beautiful, even sexy. Something that smells like heaven."
Merch sat on my feet, under my chair. I was surprised he would rather sit with me than the ex. I pet his head to say thank you. I was the only one given a wine list, it was handwritten. I looked up at them, Ricardo spoke to me. "We are hoping you approve of our stock. It is mostly Californian wines, but some Spanish, couple very interesting." He smiled, Linda was looking at me, I could tell she didn't know that Logan had told them about me. He told them everything, even about our little dalliances on the back deck. They knew we had been intimate and they were probably surprised we weren't sitting next to each other, Linda was between us, physically and metaphorically.
I looked over the list, it was quite extensive for such a small place. They let me pick out a Malbec from Argentina and soon we were toasting in Spanish and eating roasted vegetables and sausage.
Linda asked the couple how they met. "Well, we knew of each other for over twenty-five years. Ricardo is my Uncles stepson." She smiled at us. She must love to tell this story. "We fell in love when we were younger, but my father didn't like the idea I was dating him. He didn't approve at all, ha."
Ricardo laughed with her and held her hand, "He didn't think she should be dating her cousin. Her handsome older cousin."
"So we drifted apart, and I met Logan." She shrugged, we drank more wine. we laughed.
It was Logan's turn to hold Natasha's hand, "I knew you two were in love, it was that look you gave each other, I always knew." He had a sad smile on his face, then he looked over at me, past Linda. She gave me a weird glance.
Thank god Natasha spoke again. "What do you do? You meet your soul mate, it just happens. It's never planned and it's always at the most inappropriate time." She shrugged again and looked at Logan. "But we had two wonderful kids, so many wonderful loving pets, it, um, where's Merch."
"Oh," I said slightly startled, "He's right here." I pat his head, he was looking at me, his tongue out.
Natasha laughed, "Seems like you are replacing me, you are becoming the popular one up there in Capistrano."
I felt a little uncomfortable, I was never the popular one. I was hoping Linda wasn't going to ask a follow-up question, so I spoke, "This is a beautiful location, fantastic view, a perfect place to drink wine and talk." I giggled, I was nervous.
"Thank you, it is." Ricardo watched as a man walked over with his guitar, he said hello and talked to us, then he moved on into the restaurant. "That's Raymond, our entertainment. Does anyone else play guitar?"
"Sabrina does," Linda told them. Natasha and Ricardo were looking at me, I was playing with my wine glass.
"I also play piano, I taught both my kids and the neighbors' kids."
Natasha picked up her glass and we clinked, "It is important to teach children and to bring more music into this world," She laughed, we all laughed with her.
Ricardo stood and he helped the staff with more food, we ordered more wine. They poured. "So Sabrina, what do you think of this one?" He held the wine glass up. " It is grown and bottled right near here in Ramona."
I held it up to the light. "Mmm, the color looks perfect." Then I sniffed, I put almost my whole face into the large glass, I smiled, I was loving having an audience watch something I was great at. There weren't that many things where I was an expert, unlike Linda, who knew pretty much everything.
I tasted, just a sip, swirled it around my tongue, my cheeks. I sipped again, "Mmm, strong sense of black and blue fruit flavors, a very velvety mouthfeel." I took another sip, closed my eyes. I felt my long lashes flutter, "A nice long and rich finish of, mmm, vanilla maybe mocha, mmm some spices, baked apple spices. Ha," I started to giggle, I put my fingers to my lips, they were all paying attention to me, I definitely wasn't used to this, with Linda's friends I was usually put at the end of the table, sometimes with the children. I was used to it, I was never the priority up in Capistrano. "I'm sorry, it's a wonderful Cabernet, we should be enjoying it not studying it tonight."
"No," Natasha laughed, "It's good to know, to study, it makes the experience better. The more we know about food, wine, life, the better." She winked at me, we all clinked glasses and she kissed Ricardo, they were in love, they were enjoying themselves, just like us.
After dinner, Logan was drinking water, he was going to be driving back soon, and then Natasha asked me about my transition. I pet the dog a little more, he was my rock. I wasn't prepared for that question, Linda knew I was seeing a therapist but she didn't know I started on hormones. I hoped she wouldn't discover it now, here, I had a bigger mouth after a couple of glasses of wine.
"Sabrina is not transitioning." Linda looked at me, then at Natasha, "Sabrina is a regular, run-of-the-mill crossdresser." She got a little loud, a couple of the other customers turned around. She was embarrassing me.
I smiled, "We don't have to talk about me, we..."
Linda stood up, her chair fell backward, "Admit it, go on just admit you are a crossdresser, you sit in front of your fuckin' mirror jerking off and talking to yourself. I know, I have been living with you for over twenty years." She fixed her chair and sat down hard, then drank the rest of her wine. I excused myself and jogged into the ladies' room.
There was a knock, it was Logan, "Sabrina, are you okay?" I heard people talking, I had my hands on my face, I didn't want to be coddled, I just needed a little bit of time by myself. I heard Linda. She called me by my male name. I wouldn't answer.
"Just open up. We better leave I had too much to drink."
I didn't want to go, I put water on my face, I stood in front of the mirror. I looked terrible, there goes my theory that I look better in front of one. Hopefully, I look better in real life, but real life suddenly sucks.
Two weeks before I met Logan, Linda and I went out with her work friends to a German restaurant. I sat at the end, six people away from Linda. She never sat next to me when we went out, I think on some level she was disappointed in me. They got into a discussion about the answering machines at work, the phone company, the expense, then it escalated. They were soon cursing and laughing and hitting the table. I was looking at the paintings, the steins, I got up to wash my hands.
When I left the restroom I walked passed the bar, I noticed all these little bottles filled with brightly colored liquids. I told the bartender I was just looking, there was also a man at the end of the bar going through a book, the reservations list. "Excuse me," He called. "Would you like to try something?"
"Oh, no thanks, I'm just looking."
"Come on try something, from my hometown." He did have a thick Germanic accent. "Do you not drink alcohol?"
I smiled, "I drink lots of alcohol."
"Good." Soon we had two little glasses in front of us, with a clear liquid. "This is Bauer’s Obstler, a schnapps distilled from apples and pears."
I tried it, "It's wonderful, not too sweet, and very strong." He then poured another, darker, heavier scent.
"This one is Kräuterlikör. Prost." He held up his glass and we clinked.
"This is fantastic, a lot of spice, feels great on the tongue. Where are you from?"
He finished his drink and smiled. "Ridgewood, Queens."
I said goodbye and vowed I would come and sit at the end of the bar with him the next time I came in. We would talk about New York City. I went back to the main room, six feet away. Everyone was gone. The workers were cleaning up.
I decided to walk home, which took about an hour and a half. Linda heard me walking into the hall, she was in bed, it was late. She called to me "Check the doors before you go to bed." She didn't miss me, she probably didn't even know I was missing, I felt like she was disappointed I came back.
***
I had to walk out of the restroom, I looked over and Natasha was waiting for me by the side, "Are you okay?"
I nodded.
"I'm sorry, let's get away from them, Ricardo will keep them busy. Let me show you something."
We walked to the back of the restaurant, she showed me pictures of her and Ricardo's time together in Mexico, Spain, Argentina. She showed me all the things she found on her travels. "All these pictures are from the last um, sixteen months, it looks like a lifetime." She smiled at me, I felt a little better. She showed me more pictures, older ones. One with her kids and her ex-husband. She put her finger on his image as she spoke. "Logan was an angel when I told him about Ricardo. We cried for days, it was hard for us." She looked at the rest of the pictures on the walls, I followed. "I will never forget how he made me feel like it wasn't my fault, it was fate." I hugged her, we moved out of the way of other customers, we started to cry.
She shook her head, wiped her eyes with her sleeve. She took both of my hands. "On Saturday I got you an interview at the winery in Ramona. It is just a formality, they just want to talk."
"Really about what?"
"Well about working there, Logan says you are ready to move on, maybe even leave Capistrano, leave, well you will have to decide. The winery is another twenty minutes south. It's actually closer to where we live. There are also other places interested." She smiled, she grabbed my arm. We walked around the restaurant, she introduced me to a couple of her favorite customers. I saw Linda watching me, I saw her disapproving. She didn't look that sorry anymore.
We ended up sitting with an older couple. Natasha introduced us, "Maryanne, Raoul, this is Sabrina she is from Capistrano, where I used to live."
"Ooh we love it there, we have friends near Mission Bell Park, we go visit a couple of times a year." I smiled, I held their hands we had some tequila together. They laughed when I asked for extra salt and drank the whole shot.
"I'm sorry I drink like a girl," I said and they laughed.
"Sabrina might be working at the winery," Natasha told them.
"Not in Ramona?"
"Of course."
"We love it there, you will enjoy it, tell Marco we said hello. Tell him to give you a raise already." They winked at me as we got up to leave. They made me take the bottle of tequila.
Natasha and I then went outside to the front of the restaurant, we took the stairs to a lower level. She opened the door, "This is going to be our wine cellar, we have been waiting for someone to help us, you have stepped into our lives at the most perfect moment." She held my hand as I looked around, the temperature was perfect, it was dark and it was as big as the restaurant. "Fate once again."
"Fate, serendipity, or maybe even just a daydream."
We walked through another door. A little room, a couple of windows, a bed, desk, chair, and more wine. "If you want you could stay here, we only use it when we drink too much, heh. Which are most nights of course. Think about it. But make sure you come Saturday. Do something for yourself... and Logan, but mainly for yourself. Ricardo, and I will be right here if you need anything. Everyone needs a second chance, even Linda."
***
It was quiet going back home in the car, I was still in the back but now I was laying on the dog, my curly hair mixing with his black fur. I didn't want to even see Linda in my peripheral vision, thinking she would embarrass me again. An hour and a half later when we got to her work, Logan let her out near her car, I stayed making her believe I was sleeping on the dog.
"Let's go," She knocked on the back window.
"I'm going to get my car, it's in the salon's parking lot."
"Come on, now, get it tomorrow."
She was once again treating me like one of the kids. I said goodbye to Logan, I was hoping he would kiss me but I didn't want to chance it. I started to go into the backseat, I wasn't thinking, then she yelled at me again.
She started driving, we weren't that far from home, we followed Logan's car. She shut off the music, "What was that all about?"
I looked at her, I didn't really know what she was talking about, there was no underlining reason to go out for dinner. Logan just wanted her to talk to Natasha and Ricardo, just to show her that sometimes life takes a different turn, a better one.
"Well? They seem to think you and Logan are in some type of relationship."
I stayed quiet, I didn't want to talk about this, it was too late, I was too tired. I just rubbed my eyes.
"And I thought we discussed the wine school, the wineries, whatever. I thought you were over that."
"We didn't really discuss that, I just miss it, that's all. I think I need a change."
"Ugh... You know why you could never work in that industry. At least not in the U.S."
I did know, it was stupid, it was an impulse. "I know, but I could explain."
"Explain, I know what you would do, you would just try to take a job as a woman, a trans woman, all of your certificates have your fucking female name, how stupid could you have been. You should of asked me, you could of been working in that field for years. You could of been working in LA. In the industry, not just restaurants."
I put on the music, I wanted a distraction, but she turned it off again. "You are just another one of the kids sometimes."
We were in front of the house, thank god we wouldn't have to finish this conversation.
***
End of Part 4 of 5
Daydreaming on Deck (Part 5)
By Sabrina G. Langton
***
Author's note... Here we are at the end of another story. I used to write very fast, I would be on another couple of romances even before I started spell-checking the one I was finishing. (Which could take a while) Now I am in some sort of cruise mode...
I did something, that surprises me. I put my picture in that little box that pops up. No filters, no AI, no drawing or painting by someone I admire, ya know just me. Nervous me, the one not paying attention. I have on sunglasses but that doesn't count. I feel very comfy lately and it is not helping my writing, ha, trading one thing for another, I guess, but it doesn't really matter. Thank you so much for reading my story with a ton of internal dialogue and I truly hoped YOU liked it...
***
I slept in my room, alone again, with the door locked. Linda was talking through it but I ignored her. It was such a wonderful week and now it was hell, but this time it was mostly my fault. I fell asleep listening to music.
I woke up to her banging on my door, "I'm leaving in a half-hour, I have to meet Helene."
I forgot she was going away, I got up, I washed, and then put on my robe. I took my makeup off the night before but I still looked completely feminine. My eyelashes, eyebrows, lips, even my double pierced ears. I primped my hair and put one side over my ear. It was so unlike the last week when I was in lingerie under my robe and semi-gender non-specific on the outside.
She was at the dining room table, her bags were on the floor. I was behind her, she turned around. "God, I hate that fuckin' hair. Maybe by the time I get home, you will shave it off." She started to laugh, I was thinking I haven't shaved in almost a year.
"You were mean to me in front of everyone last night. You have done that before and you never apologize."
She moved closer to me, I could tell she was getting angry, this was going to ruin her weekend.
"Well usually it's because you say something stupid, or you're not paying attention, or you bring up some reference that nobody knows. It's never me it's always YOU." I knew she didn't pay any attention to me, I was always so quiet. Last night I was with people with who I could actually converse, obviously, I was making company all these years with the wrong crowd. I think I was even married to the wrong person.
She finished packing, she zipped up her bags, poured coffee into her metal thermos.
"It won't be ME anymore. I have a job interview tomorrow. I am going to take it."
"What? Where?"
"It's a vineyard, someplace called Ramona Ranch, it's near Natasha and Ricardo."
"And what was up with them last night, they were so infatuated with you. They kept on asking you questions... It was ridiculous. Logan too." She picked up her bags she headed towards the door. "Believe me you are not that interesting or even that likable. You don't even look that much like a female. Shit!" She looked at me, she was waiting for a response. She was being mean to me on purpose and I was glad, she was giving me strength, just like Merch did last night. "And you know, I was going to start having a little thing with Logan, I figured he was single and we kept on running into each other, heh. I know we aren't working out well anymore." She pushed herself out the door.
I called while she was outside, part of me didn't even want her to hear me. "I'm not going to be here when you get home. Have fun on your trip." I turned around and walked to my room, she didn't make a sound, she didn't move. Then I heard the front door once I was in my room. I had the door locked, the stereo nice and loud, Joni Mitchel then Julie Covington then Kirsty MacColl, all of mine and the kids' favorites, keeping me from hearing Linda yell through my bedroom door. Sunday night will be a different world for both of us, for all of us.
I finally heard the car take off, the front screen door was broken and off its hinges. Something for Linda to fix, give her something to do besides playing golf once she gets home from her weekend.
***
Once I was dressed, I made some phone calls. I was at the table in a simple light beige dress, beige pantyhose, and mocassins. I called my business partner and asked him to take over the whole business. He was surprised, but he said he would.
I then called the kids and explained to them that I was transgender. They both said they knew, they knew for years, it was easier than I thought, I didn't feel bad at all when I said goodbye, hanging up with each of them, staring off into space. I was smiling thinking they took more after me. Jenny was working as a photographer, she was a whizz at photoshop, she was very busy. She lived about a half-hour away from Las Vegas, it wasn't too far, and she loved it. Sometimes she sang and played piano at one of the small clubs near the casinos. I would drive to Nevada and watch, then sleep in the car before making the trip home. I was always proud of her, especially her song selection. Her last song was always 'Days' by Kirsty MacColl, it always made me cry, it made everybody cry. I usually bought everyone a drink and told them that was my daughter. Linda never came, she thought Jenny was being frivolous and wasting her sleeping time. 'Days' would float around my mind for days.
'Thank you for the days
Those endless days, those sacred days you gave me
I'm thinking of the days
I won't forget a single day believe me'
Marc was a manager of a hotel in New York City, In Tribeca. He always wanted to live in New York City. He wanted to visit the museums, the theaters, the concert venues. When he finally went to Madison Square Garden to see a concert he sent me so many pictures, I was very happy and proud of him. He was having a great time and then he met a woman there, now his girlfriend, they have been living together for about a year. I have a picture of them being chased out of a VIP area by security guards in the Garden. It was taken on a security camera, it always makes me laugh.
Neither of my children could put up drywall, fix an outlet or even balance their checkbook. Neither of them would ever leave me at a restaurant. I started to think they were exactly like me, I couldn't wait to tell Logan. I couldn't wait until Linda discovers it for herself.
Mark and Jenny both wanted me to visit when everything quieted down when things became more normal. I knew things would become normal soon I wasn't worried at all. I was going to be on a plane or sleeping in my car in no time.
I heard a noise, a noise in the back, on the deck. I looked out the window, Merch was standing tall on the ledge of the window looking in, his tail was wagging.
I called Logan. "Hi, I have your dog."
"Merch really, you came to visit?"
"No he showed up, I gave him a can of chunky beef soup, cold of course." We laughed.
"Today is the end of construction, the men must have left one of the gates open. I will be home in a couple of hours. Can you let him watch you for a couple of hours, you can show him some of your brushes?"
"I can, I'm glad you two are so alike."
We started to talk, I was keeping him from working but he didn't rush me off. I told him that I realized the trip to Escondido wasn't about us, or Linda, it was about me and I wanted to thank him. Mainly because it was never about me. I wouldn't see him until later so I packed. I packed some of my female clothes. Some of my makeup and shoes, some of my accessories that have been hiding in my closet. I wanted to show them off. I was finally leaving Linda's home, as of right now I wouldn't miss her, and I wouldn't miss her house. I would mainly miss the two empty children's bedrooms. The back deck was all I ever really enjoyed, everything else reminded me of hiding and locking and hoping nobody needed the bathroom. I was ready to become me. I was ready to say goodbye to all this daydreaming in my head. Maybe I was just on deck waiting for real life to start, just like Natasha, just like Ricardo.
***
I decided I was going to walk Merch through the little woods, through the trees to his home. I found a long rope and tied it to his collar, he watched me try to make a knot. I took my bag filled with a few things, I headed to Logans' place, I wanted to see what it looked like from the back, holding a big dog. I was hoping he was outside on his deck by the time I got there.
It was further than I thought. It took about twenty minutes, I just followed the dog. Driving, we were exactly six minutes apart. I saw him on the deck, he was setting up his table, he was waiting for company. I let go of the dog as he ran and bounded up the steps. They were happy to be reunited again. I was still in the woods, surrounded by trees, surrounded by my uncertainty and shyness. Linda called me uninteresting, unlikeable and she told me I didn't look like a woman. I guess Logan didn't care, he walked down the stairs and walked over to me. Of course, I had drifted off, he was in front of me before I realized it. He took my bag, he kissed my lips. He then took my arm and led me up the stairs. We were quiet, there was food cooking, there was music playing. He took me in his arms and we danced.
***
It was wonderful being here with the two of them, drinking wine and talking about nothing at all. My phone rang. My heart stopped I didn't want to talk to Linda.
It was Angela. "Um, Sabrina are you coming in today? Your car is in the parking lot and everyone is stopping by thinking you are here."
"Oh, I forgot. I'm sorry, I'm about to have hamburgers with Logan. You know what? Have everyone come here, to his house. He has got plenty of room, haha." I was being facetious.
"Okay."
I was surprised, but extremely happy. I traded my moccasins for three-inch heels and put on darker lipstick. Now I was ready to serve drinks.
An hour later the deck was filled with people, we were eating and drinking. We had hotdogs and hamburgers, french fries and salad. I had to have someone drive me back to Linda's house to get more soda and wine, more vegetables, and more dip. It was a perfect Friday night, we laughed, we danced, I told everyone I was taking a job at a winery. We cheered, it was so nice. It was one of the happiest moments of my life, it was so spontaneous. I sent pictures to the kids. I sent them pictures of Merch and Logan and his deck lights, I sent them a picture of me and Angela and told them she was my best friend. I sent a group shot of everyone waving to the camera, even the dog.
I would have to leave my car in more parking lots.
***
I was in Logan's bedroom, it was very big, it had huge windows and floor-to-ceiling curtains. I imagined I was in a mansion, a castle, a hotel. I was wearing my short white, nightie. I had on nude thigh highs, white panties, and a pair of strappy white pumps. I had on my beige bra to hold my breast forms and I had my hair in a band, held high on the back of my head. I wanted to see my earrings, long gold below and little gold dots above. I had just taken a long shower, I was now putting on my lip color, I had taken forever to put on the little bit of makeup I had in my pocketbook. It was late and I was making believe I was on vacation. I was talking to the woman in my mirror. "Maybe we will go skiing tomorrow." She smiled at me, I was using one of my big powder brushes. "Or maybe not. I didn't bring my gloves." Squishing my face.
"Or skis," She said surprising me.
I giggled. Logan was playing with the dog, he told me to call him when I was ready. I was ready.
I was on the bed, checking my nails as he walked in. Shaking my ponytail. "Can I help you?"
He smiled, he moved next to me on the bed, he kissed my hand, my arm then my neck. He kissed my lips. "Oh hello," He said, "Will you be staying the night, would you like a wake-up call?"
"Mmm, yes, and yes."
I laid back and he started licking my neck, making his way down my body. He nuzzled my breasts, kissed my stomach, lifted my nighty. "Mmm, very sexy. All this for me?"
"Most of it." I giggled some more, he was tickling me with his rough face, his light beard. He had his mouth on my transparent panties, his nose and chin investigating. He took the front of my panties into his mouth, he sucked, I was completely tucked, I am sure I felt like a woman to him. I started to moan, I was liking whatever he was doing. His fingers were on my legs, my nylon, he started kissing down my body again. He lifted my leg and kissed my heels, my ankles. I moved up on my elbow to watch, to watch him enjoying himself, to watch him get more excited.
"I was talking to Ricardo this morning," He said as he kissed and played with my legs and heels. "He said you were very talented and intuitive, both he and Natasha plan on learning a lot from you."
"Really? That's nice, usually, no one remembers me the next day."
He stopped, he looked at me, "Starting now, I want you to stop that. You are a beautiful, exciting woman no matter what you think or whatever Linda says. She is just trying to get a rise out of you"
I didn't know what to say, I felt a little nervous. "Okay."
I lightly shook my head and then he stood up, he took off his robe, his shirt, his briefs. His cock was hard. I put out my fingers drawing him in closer. he teased me, he was too far away. I got all the way up and slid to the end of the bed. I looked up into his eyes as his cock snuck between my breasts. I rubbed and squeezed, I dipped my head and took him into my mouth. We moaned we sighed. I sucked him, his hardness making it into my mouth causing a friction through my lips. My red lips. I took hold of his bare ass and guided him in and out of my mouth. He played with my ponytail. I didn't want him to cum yet, I wanted to enjoy the feel of his dick inside me, but Logan had other ideas. He slipped out of my mouth, he kissed me and I moved back onto the bed.
"I had a fantastic time tonight. I always have fun when I'm with you." He smiled, he kissed me again. "I told everyone you were my girlfriend. And they were quite happy for me. One of the older women, Jane, said that I was the luckiest man in the world."
"Ha, really? she is so nice."
"She told me when we are ready we can have use of her house in Tahoe." We laughed and I made plans in my head.
"Will we need skiis?" I giggled.
Logan's face explored my body again, he went down and took off my panties, I stayed tucked as he licked and sucked the line of hair that is usually hidden in my tight bikinis. A couple of times he looked up at me, I thought he was going to ask where my 'clit' was, had it been removed, or was I just great at tucking, if he even knew what that was. I was small, I was great at tucking. His finger went inside me and I moved, I started to get hard and I asked him to lay next to me. I didn't want him to view that part of me yet, but I wanted his fingers inside me. I took his manhood and played with him, my long fingernails tickling his cock and balls, his finger now inside me to the knuckle.
"Oh my god, Logan." I closed my eyes, I was loving this. He added another finger. "Oh my god," My head went back, my midsection went up, I let go of his hard cock. He took something from the side table and I felt the coolness inside of me. He kissed me again, I put my arms around his neck, I wanted to taste him all night. He gave me one more kiss and maneuvered his body in front of me, he was so hard, his cock was throbbing. He lifted my legs, took my nylon thighs in his hands as I covered my 'clit.' He put the head of his cock at my opening and slowly he pushed. He moved my legs to get a better grip and slipped in a little more. I watched him, he was so focused, he was enjoying this new relationship.
I got up on my elbows, he watched me. I took my hair out of the band. I smiled at him and shook my head. My hair swung around my face, my earrings jingled. I was trying to be sexy. He suddenly pushed his cock more into me, he was all in. I felt his body against me, my eyes got wide, I laid back down on the bed as he pushed into me, we started to fuck, it was wonderful. I started moving, matching his rhythm. After a while we changed positions, I was now on my side, a leg in his hand, it felt amazing, he was making me feel like a 'woman' like I have been doing this my whole life. I wasn't a novice I was a mature sexually active 'female.'
He spun me around once more, he was in front of me again. I watched his cock enter, the entire length of it push its way into my body, I screamed when he pushed in harder, I moaned, I was having an orgasm. "Oh, my god, Logan, don't stop." It wasn't even hard. I was covering myself and caught it all in my hand. He watched as he continued to fuck me, I could tell he was so happy he made me come. I started to lick my hand and Logan started to cum inside me. He screamed out my name. I felt his jism shoot, I felt his sperm make its way down my tunnel. I moved my bottom I wanted his cum to make its way through my body, I wanted him to be a part of me. I held him tight as he kept his cock hard and buried.
He laughed, he let down my legs, I was a little sore. he laid down next to me and we kissed. He stopped and looked at me, looked at my eyes, my lips. He played with my hair, lightly touched my face. "You are incredible. Everybody loves you. Natasha told me that we looked so comfortable together."
"Did she?"
"She did, she called this morning too. She apologized for bringing up your transition. I gave her your number she is probably going to call tomorrow."
"Okay. I really liked her, I wish I had friends like her my entire life. Sometimes I feel like I wasted my time, but talking to her yesterday I realized I just wasn't ready. Now I am. Do you know what I mean?"
"I think I do."
And we kissed again, he held my breasts, he rubbed his wet cock against me. We fell asleep holding each other. We fell asleep with his hardness against my thigh. Tomorrow morning he will find me on his pillow, in his bed, that should make him very happy.
***
I was awoken, I was looking at Logan, he was sound asleep, heard him lightly breathing. I felt someone looking at me, I felt a presence, I wasn't used to sleeping with someone in a strange bed. Especially not a large hairy man. I heard a sniff. Merch had his paws on the bed, he was standing tall above and behind me, I think he needed something. I got up, I was still wearing my heels, I followed him to the back door. I put on his leash and we walked in the woods. I was breaking the sticks on the forest floor with my five-inch pumps, it had to be three or four in the morning, it was so quiet. Usually, I was nervous out alone, especially in something as thin as my nightgown, but with the dog, I felt pretty indestructible. Being with Logan and Merch had given me so much more confidence. I decided I was going to call Linda tomorrow morning, though I'm sure the kids have already called her. I would explain. I would tell her I need to do this, need to move on just like ten years ago when I went to France. The only difference was that I wasn't ever going to come back, and I wasn't doing it alone.
Merch was quick, just a quick pee in the woods, we headed up the back stairs. I saw Logan watching through the window, his hand on the pane, a huge smile on his face. He was naked.
I took off my heels before I went into his bedroom, I was now five inches smaller.
He was smiling at me, as he walked over to me. "You seem to be becoming indispensable around here." He whispered.
"I have?" He walked over to me and held me.
"I never realized you were so little." He kissed the top of my head and we got back into bed. We put the covers on, I heard the dog somewhere in the room.
Logan was facing me, our noses almost touching, it was nice I felt safe and relaxed. He touched my cheek, "It's nice having someone in bed, it's usually a very lonely place. If you want you could stay here. If you don't think you can go back."
"Maybe." I looked at him, he had been so nice to me but was it because of the promise of more sex, or did he really have feelings for me. I felt I was too old and mature for just sex, I think I needed more. I knew Linda was tired of me, my routines, my apologies, even my silence. I would keep my answer for a while. "Mmm maybe."
We started to kiss again it was nice. I put my hands on his chest, he put his in my hair and breast. "Natasha says you can live at the restaurant if you like too. You have a lot of options."
I smiled, it was such a crazy idea but I loved it. No one has ever invited me to do anything like this, no one has ever tried to take care of me. "Mmm."
We kissed some more and I leaned against him, my hair under his chin. I felt that I fit in this position so perfectly. I hated to compare him to Linda, I hated to compare the two situations. Linda and I haven't been intimate in years, maybe two years. I figured once the kids left the house we would have more time, more occasions to fool around in the big quiet house. I was wrong, she didn't like my perfume and she wanted to work more, she wanted to get away from the house. Her house, the one she was always working on.
I felt his cock, he was hard again. I played with him, imagining what his manhood looked like, it was dark, we were under the covers. He kissed me as he came into my hands, I licked them clean and told him, thank you for everything.
***
We got up early, picked up my car, and went in to visit Angela. We took the cases and boxes that I had at the house and put them in Logans' car. We went out on the deck, I called Linda.
"Sorry to bother you on your trip," I told her, I think she was surprised I was calling.
"Oh, yeah, that's alright, we're on a break."
"I'm sorry how things have turned out." I felt myself start to cry and Logan sat closer to me.
"Don't be sorry, I think it was inevitable. We have always been so different but I thought that's what made our marriage work."
"Mmm, me too."
I heard her talking to others, I heard her say she was almost done. I guessed she was done. "I find it crazy that you ended up with Logan."
"Really?"
"I thought for sure I would end up with him, with someone, he and I are very similar, I was always running into him at the Home Improvement stores. I figured he would take one look at you and I'd get all his sympathy."
"Oh? Funny how things happen."
"Yeah, funny, I invited him over to the house not realizing there would be a much prettier woman there for him to meet. We will be telling this story to our new friends you know."
"Mmm."
I said goodbye, I didn't tell her that Logan already told me some of that. I also didn't want to tell her she couldn't compare herself to me, I was always going to be the nicer one.
We picked up the dog. We drove south and I sat in the back, I watched Logan in the driver's seat. I was calm, my life was changing very rapidly, but I was quite calm. I had my hand on the Merch's neck, he didn't seem to be nervous at all. I held him and felt much better.
I went to the interview, they offered me the job, a couple of days a week. They were interested in my transition, interested in my ideas on helping their restaurant and services, interested in me. Natasha and Ricardo also hired me to set up their wine cellar, on their other floor. They promised me I would be quite busy.
That night we stayed in the little room in the basement, Merch, Logan and I. It was fun, we stayed another night. We made love in the little bed under the windows, listening to the workers set up the restaurant for the day. Smelling the sauces cook in the huge pots. I draped my arm around his neck, I was loving the silk of my slip, I felt his breath on my hair.
I asked him which of my outfits, out of all of them were his favorite. He looked down at me, I was wearing a pale blue slip, white stockings, and heels. My heels were scratching his legs.
"Well, is this a preview or is this what is happening right now?" He asked, and I moved up a little on the bed, I wanted to think about this. I wanted to pay attention, finally.
"Mmm," I put my finger to my lips, my long nails were suddenly the focus of his full attention. "This is what happening right now, right this very second."
He laughed, he shook his head, I must have had a serious look on my face. "Then this. This is my favorite outfit of yours. Whatever you are wearing at that moment it will be my favorite." His hand went on my breasts. He pulled me to him and we kissed, we listened to everyone else working.
I then asked in his ear if I could stay with him when we got back to Capistrano, at least until I was ready to settle in. It turned out we were never apart after that. It was nice being together, it was nice being a couple. It was especially nice being part of the conversation and not being hidden at the end of the table.
***
"I always look better in a mirror," I told her, she smiled, she was a listener like me. I was putting on my lip color, three steps like Angela taught me. Line, fill, then gloss. Almost red lips grew larger, happier.
I had my music low on my phone, so I heard a shuffling outside my bedroom threshold, the door was wide open showing me the morning light from the front window. "Are you talking to me?"
"Um, yes?" I didn't want my imagination to run away from me, the mind was a powerful tool. "I'm almost ready."
I finished brushing my hair, the curls were gone, it was now long and straight, parted on the side. Sometimes it covered my left eye, hiding my long eyelash, I could be quite sexy when I got in a mood. "I was thinking," I went back to our conversation in the mirror, I saw her head tilt, eyes squinting, paying attention. "I only SEE myself in a mirror, how then do I know it's better?"
I felt hands on my shoulders, I looked behind myself, behind my reflection. He kissed my cheek. "You are right, you do look better inside a mirror." Of course, the reflection smiled, she loved a compliment, even at my expense. "Are you ready? You promised to take me on your usual gallivanting run today, say goodbye to everyone."
I stood up, I was dressed so nice today, our last day. I had a flouncy white cotton top, short sleeves, and cold shoulders. I had on a short seafoam skirt, the same color as two of my princess dresses. I had on four-inch white sandals, with a natural chunky heel, I could reach his lips perfectly. We kissed in my new bedroom, our new bedroom. We would be saying goodbye to it soon, it was full of boxes, tubs, moving blankets, and bundles of Wine Enthusiast Magazines.
"Logan?"
"Mmm?"
"Are you going to miss this house?" I got close to him, my hair against his face.
"A little. This is where my kids grew up, I will always have memories of it. How about you?"
I thought, I put my head on his shoulder, my arms around his neck. "I'll miss it too."
"No baby, about your house, you know the one with the great porch and the huge deck."
"Oh, I will, but it made me sad seeing the empty bedrooms every day. I was missing the kids, the company."
Logan decided he was done working on the house, fixing drywall, replacing appliances, it was time to do something else, it was time to sell. We decided we wanted to go to restaurants, go to different towns, cities. Visit friends, family, museums, Madison Square Garden. We bought a house in Ramona, it was quieter and not too far from the Restaurants and Vineyard I would be working in, not too far from Natasha and Ricardo. Maybe an acre away.
***
We first went to the mall, I introduced Logan to the women in the larger departments stores. I took him to Victoria's Secret, I wanted to show him off. We then went to Angela's, I didn't want to go in, I didn't want to say goodbye. I told him about the time Angela waited for me, and brought me in herself, holding my arm so I wouldn't run away.
He laughed. "They loved you right from the beginning."
We were outside the door, Angelas picture was right in the window welcoming the clients, I made him take a picture of me with it. Angela came out, of course she dragged me in. I hugged everyone, it was so hard, my eyes were a mess. She made me show her my new ring. My only ring. She made me show everyone. A couple of the girls were crying, I hugged them tightly. I told them that we were moving less than two hours away, but it felt so far, I didn't think my heart would be able to say goodbye to my favorite place, but I did. I gave everyone presents, I gave everyone smiles, Logan took notes as he watched from the big styling chair that I use to sit in. I invited everyone to come to visit, more parties, told them we had two extra rooms, three extra beds, and room for more. Told them we could have drinks in the lanai. Told them we didn't have to miss each other forever.
"Come on let's take one big group shot." Logan lined us up, he took over a dozen pictures, he even got in a couple of them. One day one of them will be on our wall in the living room. One day I will be serving wine from Bordeaux and eating clams or oysters or something no one loves yet, like Boulette d'Avesnes, surrounded by other pictures. New pictures we would take, of our new friends, our extended family.
We drove off, It was nice, it was sad, I was very happy. I sent some pictures to the kids.
We had two more stops to make before we left our little town, before we headed to our new life, to be with our new unpacked furniture.
We parked behind the moving vans. First, we picked up Merch, I sat in the back with him again. I had my book, he had his bone, it wouldn't be a long trip, we would listen to my favorite music. We pulled up, six minutes away. We parked behind another couple of moving vans.
Jenny was in denim and flannel talking to the moving men. "Done?"
"We are," We hugged, and Linda walked out. They were going to get a house together, live in Nevada near Jenny's job. They were both pretty excited.
The dog was sniffing the bushes, investigating the house and back deck. Merch would miss this place more than anyone. We had bottled water while hanging around the fence. Watching others work, watching the house go from full to empty.
"I was wondering," Linda walked closer to us, just on the other side of the small white fence. "When you tell the story about how you two first met, and you will, I hope you say I was the one that brought you two together."
"We will." Logan chuckled.
"Maybe that was my plan," She giggled, "My plan all along. Maybe I knew it would end like this, saying goodbye as best friends."
I was thinking probably friends, definitlely not best friends. But this was nice, it felt like an ending but also a new beginning. In my head I was talking to my reflection too, she always liked a good story, something with a happy ending.
"I will start this little love story on the deck in my black dress with gold polka dots." Everyone shook their heads and smiled. "We talk, the dog rambles up to sniff me, and somewhere on the fifteenth hole, in a golf cart, Linda is thinking, wow that was pretty easy. Haha."
"Well, it wasn't that easy," Linda said.
"Ha..."
We waved goodbye, I sat in the back with the dog again, I had my book on my lap. Our new home was less than two hours away. I was going to perfect our story instead, the day Logan and I fell in love. Linda thinks that was the day we met, but it was actually the day we fell in love, I was in black with gold polka dots.
"Ahh...," I breathed out as we passed the familiar houses, streets. I waved to all the people I didn't get to meet. I took a picture of the front of the Dry Cleaners where we shared our first kiss.
The story would be complete by the time we pulled into Ramona. I would have every detail exactly the way it was, the way I wanted to remember it. Maybe I will call it 'Daydreaming on Deck.' or maybe just 'To Ramona,' we'll see, it depends on where the story ends.
It might even end right here. The End.