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This one is from me. I don't know if Angel is coming here to look, I've communicated with her by email and with Jill but who knows.

Angel has apparently deleted all of her stories except A Life Ever Changing which she says she regards as belonging to BigCloset. I thought all of the writers, editors, commenters and readers belonged to BC in exactly the same way that BC belongs to them. And in a much more important way than it belongs to me.

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Alistair 2 Zook

For those that remember me mentioning this earlier--my roommate Griff and I developed a webcomic together called, "Alistair 2 Zook". Griff is now in the middle of getting degrees in sociology and no longer has time to do any cartooning. So, I took a try at it.

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Server Problems

Our new server seems to have had some problems, it's been up and down several times today. The techs at the ol' server farm suspect a bad power strip, so they moved it across the bay and replugged it in. Hopefully this will solve the problem. Eh-yup.

New Server

I just rented a new server and in order to get the best price I could, I paid for a year upfront. That's $2126, quite a hit on my credit card, about $190/month, amortized with interest. Next year it will drop to $1776, equal to about $148/month and I intend to pay cash.

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TG Stories (Lament)

I will take a few minutes each week to peruse the writings on the various TG Storyboards. I often find myself disappointed with the lack of quality in the writing. After trying to ensure myself that it is not just a disappointment with the type of story they are writing...(for example, I am not into BDSM or forced fem)...but I still see plain, poor writing. Mispelled words, bad sentences, choppy writing that gets in the way of the story.

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I love Big Closet, but....

I love Big Closet and I visit just about every day. However, I find the layout of the site very confusing. I wanted to comment on a story and even though I am logged into the site, I can not comment. I figured that I need to have permission from the administrator before being allowed to post comments, but there isn't even a link that I can find to email the administrator.

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Site Changes

First, anonymous comments have been turned back on but with a spam filter now. This also means that if anyone accidentally posts the exact same comment twice, it will be marked as spam and not appear until I can look at it. You'll get a heads-up notice on screen and I'll get an email to take a look if this happens. Also, comments that contain a LOT of URLs will be marked as spam until I look at them.

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Hey everyone, I'm back

Hey everyone, I really am sorry that I have been gone for like forever from the site, but my health did take a turn for the worse. I'll start at the beginning for those who do not know me.

On November 1, 2001, I had a major, non-crippling stroke, caused by high blood pressure and a few other health factors. From that time I was placed on home rest, and not permitted to go to work. My doctor, in 2004, was going to give me a stress test to see if I could go back to work.

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The Editorial Whee!

I'm recovering from a viral pneumonia, so perhaps I can blame this on the fever I endured.

Too many of you have heard/read my exhortations on homophones and the fact that Word's spell checker won't pick up on homophone errors. I just happened across this little gem, which illustrates the problem perfectly.

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Anonymous Comments Off!

Anonymous comments have again been turned off due to spam. Sorry, but we've gotten nearly two hundred spam comments today and it takes time to delete each and every one. I'll be working on ways to block the spam while still allowing anonymous comments. Click [Annonymous Comments Off]:read more to see how to leave comments without creating a BC account.

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Story Entries

My story [The House on Sackett Street] was first written in 1991. It was posted on many sites under my previous pen name of Marcia Stephens. I modified it slightly and republished it the past couple of years. I really like the story and have gotten some very nice comments from friends about it. I have toyed with the idea of expanding this story with additional chapters, both before and after the wedding. I would enjoy hearing what you think about that.

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Site differences

Hey guys. Just posted my first little tale here; if you get a chance.
The reason for this entry is a thought that has been spinning around my tiny mind for a little while. I notice many of you wander around several sites and comment or post a discussion topic from time to time. The main 3 I peruse are FM, Saphire and now here.

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Meaning of words cause confusion

Even though Britain and America both speak the same language, the different usage of words can sometimes cause confusion. One that came to my attention this week is the word jumper.

In UK English, a jumper is a sweater. A thick garment that is worn to keep the body warm. In American English, a jumper is a pinafore dress. A dress without sleeves and collar that is worn over a top or blouse.

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Google Search

The newly added Google search capability does not yet work well for BigClosetR.us or QnEZ4U.com domains because they have not been spidered. It will work later but it does work fairly well for ateros.com, the domain where the classic and original BigCloset domains still reside. This is a test, it is only a test, if it turns out to be worthless or worse it will be discontunued. :)

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Wonderfully wacky way with words

This is from Everybody's Scrapbook of Curious Facts, compiled by one Don Lemon and published well over 100 years ago. The author is unknown and the story line alas is not beyond criticism although it could be read as an early manifestation of feminism!

I came across it in a newspaper article by a Robert Richardson many years ago. He remarked that it may lack Maupassant's humanity and Maugham's style, but it is a story in a class of its own.

I think it is quite remarkable and should be known to a wider audience. Judge for yourself. I was reminded of it on reading the alliteration in Jezzi's sparkling 'Bimbo Bread'

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A Sweet and Sentimental Holiday Tale

We need to have at least one weepy sentimental holiday story. My sister sent me this and I thought I would pass it on. Have a Kleenex handy!!

Always believe in MIRACLES!!

Three years ago, a little boy and his grandmother came to see Santa at Mayfair Mall in Wisconsin. The child climbed up on his lap, holding a picture of a little girl. "Who is this?" asked Santa, smiling. "Your friend? Your sister?"

"Yes, Santa," he replied. "My sister, Sarah, who is very sick," he said sadly.

Santa glanced over at the grandmother who was waiting nearby, and saw her dabbing her eyes with a tissue.

"She wanted to come with me to see you, oh, so very much, Santa!" the child exclaimed. "She misses you," he added softly.

Santa tried to be cheerful and encouraged a smile to the boy's face, asking him what he wanted Santa to bring him for Christmas. When they finished their visit, the Grandmother came over to help the child off his lap, and started to say something to Santa, but halted.

"What is it?" Santa asked warmly.

"Well, I know it's really too much to ask you, Santa, but ..." the old woman began, shooing her grandson over to one of Santa's elves to collect the little gift which Santa gave all his young visitors. "The girl in the photograph ... my granddaughter .. well, you see ... she has leukemia and isn't expected to make it even through the holidays," she said through tear-filled eyes. "Is there any way, Santa ... any possible way that you could come see Sarah? That's all she's asked for, for Christmas, is to see Santa."

Santa blinked and swallowed hard and told the woman to leave information with his elves as to where Sarah was, and he would see what he could do.

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Ramblings of an overreactive insomniac

Well another day has gone by and I'm still alive, I figured that was something to feel good about so I decided to celebrate with a chocolate biscuit. (cookie for those of U.S. origins)
Only problem with that is that i kind of felt guilty about eating it so went in search of something to lift my spirits.
After eating a few more chocolate biscuits I was feeling a little better, after all nothing picks me up better than a few triple choc's.
With the packet of biscuits now empty I was feeling a little guilty because I knew my dad would want one with his tea in the morning, but now he couldn't because I'd eaten them all.
Looking in the freezer I decided to have a few spoonfulls of caramel swirl ice cream, just to take my mind off the biscuits.
As no-one other than me in the house eats caramel swirl ice cream I was feeling considerably better after a few spoonfulls and at least I wouldn't have to worry about anyone complaining that I'd eaten it out of the tub.
Having eaten all of the ice cream I was a little upset with myself as after all I'm supposed to be on a diet, so figured I should at least put things straight with my health and have a salad sandwich.
Now that I've used the last of the mayonaise my sister isn't going to be happy with me in the morning when she has to prepare her school lunch. I think I should stop eating before I get in any more trouble and go outside for a cigarette.
After smoking a whole pack out on the veranda I had a dry throat so headed to the kitchen for a drink, having learnt my lesson from the mayonaise and triple choc's I decided it was best I didn't drink the last of the orange juice as mum would want that in the morning so decided on a glass of lemonade instead.
The couple of glasses of lemonade finished what was left of the bottle, but as there was another bottle in the fridge that wasn't too much of a problem. However it did tend to go straight through me so i headed to the toilet to relieve myself.
Having relieved myself of the excess lemonade I realised there was no paper with which to wipe, so a quick dash to the bathroom was in order to get a new roll out of the cupboard.
I decided not to bother with the bathroom light as it would only wake my brother who's room was just across the hall so I carefully reached into the cupboard to get a roll of toilet paper.
After knocking over most of the household cleaning supplies in the cupboard I went back down the hall to the toilet to finish up before trying to get my brother back to sleep after all the noise I'd made had woken him. I then headed back to the bathroom to clean up the mess of cleaning products I'd spilled all over the shelf in the cupboard.
An hour or so later I headed out of the bathroom certain that shelf was now the cleanest spot in the house, feeling a little worn out by the exercitions of the cleaning I went into the kitchen and had a long cold glass of orange juice.
Oh shoot!

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of lillies and remains

the inevitable sound of age is creeping into my appearance
the feast of youth is dying in my arms
the champagne laden hope that was once my path to enlightment is being
closed down due to a restructuring of reality.

have you ever asked yourself :
where have all the wishes gone ?
where have all the hopes gone?
where have me and you, for heavens sake,
decided to drown like a bunch of easterbunnies on christmas eve ???

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Postponements, etc

I'm tired of not working with computers full time, anymore. As a result, I've (kind of intentionally) bitten off a large chunk, quite possibly more than I can chew. At least at first. (I'm writing an entire restaurant POS system in VB 2003 .net using SQL as my data management.) As a result, all creative writing is on hold.

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Fiction Sketch 2.0

Hi everyone,

For those interested, Fiction Sketch 2.0 is now available for download on my site. New features include:

  • Custom Fields! Need more than what I provided? Make your own!
  • Clues for the mystery writer in you!
  • Factions instead of the four previous character groups.
  • Import from XML (Fiction Sketch 2.0 XML output only).
  • Move relationships to the story level for better usage.
  • Define your own shortcut keys for different menu items!

As usual, you can find it on my site.

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Futher musings

5Oct2005 - Not much has been happening for me, lately. I am a channel operator, in the form of a temp op (basically a reservist for when the registered ops are not available) in an IRC channel now. There is a 50/50 chance I will be installed as a permanent op. This is only interesting in its irony. The channel is a flirt channel. Meanwhile, I hate me. I don't like men. I'm not attracted to women (except that I love to watch them and either admire their style or pick them apart for lack of it, though I keep my thoughts to myself on that point). I even hate sex (just accept it at face value). I'm not sure why I go there, much less as much as I do.

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My very first blog and blog entry

10 Sept 05 I've never really tried a blog before. At this point, I'm strictly engaging in the novelty of a new toy. I'm sure that'll wear off quickly.

I recently (very lightly) edited Perchance to Dream and compiled it from 8 seperate serial parts into one complete story. It has had a few reads (74) but no comments. My insecurity is screaming "NO ONE BLARGING LIKES IT!". My rational mind is all about "it's a numbers game, someone will eventually like it enough to write and they probably represent some sample percentage" or "It's been posted on a previous version of BigCloset, it's yesterdays news. Get over it and write something fresh". That mollifies me for a moment that I panic again and go back to "NO ONE BLARGING LIKES IT!". What can I say? Insecurity is a big player in my life. I'll deal with it as best I can, in the meantime.

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Katrina

I have Been working at a Red Cross shelter in my home town. We have about 500 victims from the New Orleans area. It is so humbling to see how they who have lost everything can still smile and laugh. I wouldn't wish what happened to them on anyone but I wouldn't trade my time with them for anything.

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Donating to Disaster Relief with Southern Belle

I am Southern Belle, not only a Superhero, but a SOUTHERN Hero!

The Disaster from Katrina is effecting all of us, but as a Southern Hero, I need to help!

To do this, ALL Profits from the sales of my adventures in both Book and PDF format for the next 30 days will be donated in the name of my friends and fans to the Red Cross for Katrina Disaster Relief.

Even Heros need help in times like this - can you help?

Sapphire and E.E.Nalley

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Going on Vacation

Sorry I haven't gotten anything new posted lately. I have about four stories in different degrees of completion in my file, plus a bunch of ideas for new stuff. Just to complicate things, I have been informed that my position will probably terminate by the end of October, so now I'm doing the job hunt thing. (It could have been worse. About 30 folks were shown the door yesterday. At least I still have a job while I look.)

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Fiction Sketch 1.2

Hi everyone,

It seems that this little package may have a bigger following than my
fiction and so, here is version 1.2 for those who are interested. New
features include:

  • World creation work sheets.
  • Race creation work sheets.
  • Import from other story files.
  • Ability to adjust the screen font as desired.
  • Added relationships to sketches.
  • Printing.
  • Some appearance cleanup.
  • Automatic online version checker (off by default).

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Moving Again

As if I haven't had enough of it in my life, I'm moving again. :)

Griffen, the cartoonist for whom I write Morty, and I, plus Griff's partner Danny, will be taking an apartment together in September. It's only a few miles away so I can continue to keep an eye on my Mom, which is good, and I'll be spending almost half my time here at Mom's. But I've discovered I really can't do much creative stuff with Mom in the same house. <sigh> Never could, I've always done my writing in coffee shops when I live with Mom.

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"G11-Colony" and "Gaby-the Anime Years" now for sale!

  
I am so very happy and honored to announce that two new books are now for sale from Sapphire's Place Press!
  
1) " Gaby - The Anime Years " ( Gaby #1 ) from Madeline Bell is NOW fully available! B/W internal graphics in Book, full color graphics in PDF format. Buy BOTH for a full experience!
  
As a note, Every copy of Gaby sold will provide support for youngsters with gender identity issues through the Mermaids charity - ( http://www.mermaids.freeuk.com/ )
  

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Troubles with the QnEZ server.

That's the old server, the one that runs my qnez, ateros, fictioneer, beastlythoughts and about 25 other domains admined by Theresa Sanchez; this time it isn't hackers but the ISP that operates the server farm in Texas. They updated some software on my server at midnight last night and now pop access to email does not work, nor do a lot of control panel functions for the server.

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Announcing Fiction Sketch

Attention authors!

I just thought I would post a quick note about some software I've written. Basically, it's designed to help organize plot, characters, scenes, locations, and track notes and ideas that you have during the course of developing a story. It's written in C# so it does required Windows and the 1.1 .NET framework (which is freely available). I have no idea if it would work with the Mono project codebase, but you never know if you're adventuresome.

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Road Trip

For the next two weeks or so, my access to the internet is going to be spotty because I will be on vacation to the Bay Area. My apologies to readers and authors who may experience some inconvenience. If you live in the Bay Area and want to chance a meeting with me, you can leave a PM or email me at [email protected]. That will be my email addy on the road because it will be easiest to access without compromising security. :)

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For The Record

A number of readers have noted the similarity of my recently posted tale, "Escape From Harmony," with another author's work. "The Sisters of Athernia" by Diane Christy.

EFH is indeed inspired by Ms. Christy's tale, a fact I do not deny. I enjoyed her story and am disappointed that she never managed to finish it.

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Rules for Constructing MIBD Stories

Now that Erin has graciously awarded my creation a universe of its own, I thought I might post the rules for writing MIBD stories, just in case anybody would like to try their hand at it. Please feel free to add to the body of MIBD stories. Just do me a favor and e-mail me a copy before you post it. Thanks ever so much!

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Fudge

When I moved in with my mom after Jeanne died last October, I had to find homes for my cats. My friend Don took in Bebekat and another friend, Shelley, took in Fudge. Rocky, our resident psycho-kitty, went to the pound along with fifty dollars to help him find a new home.

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Wish me luck

Wish me luck. :) I'm going to Fontana for 24 hour comic day tomorrow. :) I'll have a 'puter with me but I dunno if they have internet for us. Google for 24 hour comic day if you want to find the place. :) If things work out, by Monday I'll have a 24 page comic done called, "The Secret Life of Roadster T. Rodent". :)

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A Question! Visual Kei, Japanese Street Fashion, Elegant Gothic Lolita, Elegant Gothic Aristocrat.

Hello Everyone!

       I had a quick question, and am hoping that this is the best way to get it out to you.

I'm wondering how many of you are familiar with some of the more interesting

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Just an Hello

Just a line or two to introduce myself.

Been reading BigCloset and Top Shelf for ages, and the TG/TS stories in particular.

Reason?   Simply to live my childhood somewhat vicariously through them - since I didn't get to be a girl (physically) til I was 50 - I may one day put in a story, but I am without a plot at the moment - though I suppose I could write an autobiographical one - if you all want boring to death...

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Blogs and Frogs

Griff and I have been having weekly meetings about cartooning lately. These have been a major help to me in coming out of what now appears to have been a several year long depression. I still miss Jeanne but I'm beginning to take an interest in doing the things I like again. Griff and my other local friends, as well as all of you online here at BC and elsewhere on the net are part of the reason.

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No Respect

Gosh, I can't seem to elicit a comment without bitching.
Maybe I need to write something so filthy and bad somebody will take notice?
What does one have to do to get at least a, 'hey good rewrite,' out of those couple of hundred what is reading my stuffs?

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Happy Christmas or Whatever...

Well it's officially Christmas in the UK now, so I would like to wish everyone out there a happy christmas, I should have some presents round here somewhere but they aren't wrapped yet. Sorry. Um actually I haven't got round to writing them yet, I'm always like this at Christmas though. Ah well maybe for new year...

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Long time no C...

Well I have been... well not busy exactly just um well not really with it, done a little bit more work on various stories, currently working on a Health and Beauty website for a (hopefully) paying customer. Spent huge amounts of money recently sorting out my PC so now it runs nicely and looks cool. Thats about it...

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Snow!

I went up to my mom's last night and this morning it snowed! About 8 inches of fluffy white stuff, it was really funny watching all the little old ladies and men in mom's retirement community making snowmen. :)

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An Appointment with Grief

I'm feeling better today, tired and sad but I can see the fading of pain already.

I called the Neptune Society on Saturday and they will make all the arrangements, including a boat for going out into the channel and scattering the ashes. The price is very reasonable, less than $2000, including $600 for the boat with 20 people in the memorial party.

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Halloween arrives

The moon travels its silent path, as it rises over the earth, Halloween arrives. A ghostly scream cries out seeming coming from all directions at once. The high drifting clouds part and a blue radaince shines down from the moon above. Creepy Halloween treats sparkle into existance on a small flat rock in a forest clearing.

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No Heroes

I've asked the doctors to make sure Jeanne is comfortable and not in pain but not to take any heroic measures to extend her life. They are not to discontinue anything they are doing right now, fluids and food and breathing support and pain medications, but no kidney dialysis, no CPR or cardiac electro thereapy.

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Singin' in the Rain

The doctors wanted me at the hospital early yesterday for a conference. Basically, they told me that it is unlikely that Jeanne is going to leave the hospital or even the ICU. She has numerous infections, she's unresponsive most of the time and she's bleeding internally somewhere again. They want to know what she would want done about resuscitation efforts and the like. I told them to give me a day or two to think.

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The Glass Bottom Boat

I went to see Jeanne earlier tonight, I couldn't stay long this time, too painful.

They took the breathing tube out but my love lies there in the bed looking as if she's lost her way. She doesn't speak but she will nod after a bit when asked if she'd like to watch Star Trek: The Undiscovered Country, rather than the baseball game someone had tuned her tv to.

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I don't wanna be a boy I wanna be a girl, I wanna do things that makes your hair curl...

Sunday ruddy sunday...

Gah in the country there is no public transport on a sunday so I've been stuck at home all day, some reading some runescape some riting, the three 'R's then.
I posted my story list yesterday and promptly thought up two new stories I'll leave it a week and post a revised list next week so I can see how little I have done.

When it is written, then shall it be done.

So, why can’t I finish one of these stories? Is it because of a curse, or the cat threatening my keyboard? (down, down!) No, I don’t think so. It’s all about discipline.

I like to explore and take a character, usually a form of me, to places and see what I’d do. I put him or her into a situation and let him go. Damned if I know why he does the things he does. Along the way he discovers things about himself and through him, me.

But that doesn’t explain why I can’t end a story. Like I said, it’s about discipline. Darkside took five years to write his 2.6meg monster by outlining the whole thing first, then sticking to his outline. I tried, but I just keep finding new paths. Every scene has a plan, but I never know how, precisely, I’m going to do it until I start actually writing it. Sometimes, to stay true to my character, he or she has other ideas.

The story becomes a juggernaut, rolling a way I sometimes don’t want, towards a conclusion I don’t desire. So, I throw obstacles in its path to divert it towards my planned-for ending. That usually works. But it’s a learning experience. It tells me I need discipline.

Anyway, for anybody who is reading this, I have three stories outstanding — all of which I will complete.

The Warrior from Batuk: A Zhor novel about a warrior who is injected with Ruk’s serum and becomes a serum girl, a beautiful woman with the longings of a natural slave. But she won’t give up her freedom without a fight, battling herself and her enemies in a war to save her city. — 90% complete. (really) About 230K words so far, but the end is clearly in sight.

Sample:

“Now you die,” smiled the guard toothily and moved forward.

I shuffled backwards and the King, still on his back, somehow managed to trip me. I fell painfully and lost the spear with a flick of the guard’s sword. From my elbows, I looked up to a blade hovering above my breasts, and beyond, to a cool confident smile. It seemed that it was not my day. And then, from behind me, a well-thrown long spear flashed, penetrating his breastplate and mail with a metallic ‘snick!’ sinking deep into the center of his chest. The spear’s power compelled him backwards to fall across the shrieking woman on the bed, where he passed from the world with a shuddering groan.

His sword, an instant earlier aligned to invade my heart, merely dropped, cutting a deep gash in the valley between softness. I caught the sharp sword between palms before it could fall further. I reveled in my pain, and paid tribute to the fickle God of Luck with the breath I didn’t think I’d have. I rolled over slowly and crawled to the King on my knees. Yanking the spear from his stomach had done him further injury; it was all he could do now to hold his insides in place, but still, his wound, although very serious, wasn’t necessarily fatal with prompt attention, and I couldn’t allow him to survive. Grabbing the King’s jewel-incrusted sword, I held it under his chin, poised for a thrust into his brain. He was too weak to protest, but he was aware, and I bent to his ear.

“You are a brave man,” I whispered. “You deserve to know why you are going to die.”

He glared at me through eyes glazed in pain. “You Gods-cursed Giovannis came early,” he rasped. “I expected you after the Borodins left.”

I shook my head. Grinning, I met his glare. “I’m from Batuk.” I waited a few inches from his face until I saw the light of understanding, and then thrust the sword upwards. The sharply pointed end, capable of penetrating plate armor, had no problem with soft tissue. He collapsed and voided in death, fouling the air around me.

I stood slowly and leaned against the bloody blade, watching the terrified woman on the bed, a pretty girl with auburn hair and blue eyes. She appeared to regret throwing those pillows at me. I smiled. She cringed.

Sappho: The Lesbian Planet: A scout from the far future lands on a lesbian world where there are no men and men have been written into history as vile animals. Rescued by ‘throwbacks’ (hetero women), he tries to get back to Earth, but he won’t leave unchanged. — 80% complete 55K words so far.

Unity: Houston: A VR world where the brain patterns of people can be preserved in a cube and placed in a VR environment, essentially living forever in worlds both mundane and magical. But are they alive, and who protects them? — 80% finished about 150K words so far.

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And Now?

It's very early thursday morning (UK) it's horrible out but now....

Now I'm okay I'm alive, each time I feel really down like I did earlier I try and analyze why I'm down, I still havn't reached an answer, partly it's the whole gender thing, inside I'm ?????? outside I'm male, I really wish that I was a classic case of Gender Dysphoria then I could say to the pychologists I am a woman trapped in a mans body. But I can't, I don;t feel this way but I know that the person inside me is not male , I'm just not certain she is female either. I do know I cannot bear to see myself in the mirror pictures of me make me feel sick, what is worse my mum keeps on going on about how handsome I am, is she blind?

2B or not 2B?

Well life gets worse, possibly, last night (Monday night) I had a dream, in it I was a soldier who when ordered to shoot some civilians killed himself, I felt the bullet kill me! Today (tuesday) I was nearly out of it how do I continue on knowing (though I don't) on the basis of a dream that death will be okay. I cannot cope with life. I used to think that surgery would be the answer chop off this, chop off that and add a bit here add a bit there then I could be happy, now I can see that it cannot happen that way, I am the archetypal male if I do have surgery I will still look like a man...

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