Rachel didn't choose her life, she just tried to live it. It's complicated

Rachel’s Complicated Life

Chapter One

Rachel Harris couldn’t sleep. Her nerves over the last week had been getting progressively worse. She tried to put the dread over the coming school year out of her mind, but she couldn’t. She lived in the small Texas town of Martinsburg, not far from the Fort Hood Army base.

Rachel was 14, and getting ready for her freshman year in high school. She was a small girl, 5 feet 4 inches tall and weighed 105 pounds. She was pretty, with straight dark brown hair that came down to the middle of her back. She, like just about any girl her age, thought her rear end was too big and her top was too small. In truth her measurements, 34b-23-34 were just about perfect on her frame. She had a heart-shaped face, dark brown eyes and a cute smile that wrinkled her feminine nose. Rachel’s grandmother was from Mexico, and her Hispanic heritage was clear. Her mother thought she resembled the Disney teen queen Victoria Justice, but Rachel could never see the similarity.

“Rachel, sweetie, are you up yet?” asked her mother “You need to get ready for school, you don’t want to be late on your first day back.”

“Yes, mom” came the reply. “I just need to get a shower”

“OK, Rachel, just let me know if you need anything.”

“I will, Mom” she replied.

Rachel returned to her reverie. She had dreaded this day since her Dad was killed in Iraq in an IED explosion. She had been home schooled by her mother for the last two years since her troubles began, this was no longer possible. Her mother would have to go to work. Now, she had to face her past. Her brother and sister were looking forward to school. Garrett, her brother, was a popular athlete, and two years ahead of her in school. He was very protective of Rachel and knew the trouble that could be ahead for Rachel. Katie, Rachel’s younger sister, was 2 years old and blissfully unaware of the potential trouble in the air. All she knew was that she had a pretty princess of a sister who loved and played with her.

As she took her shower, Rachel was softly crying. She felt like a freak, and while she was happy with herself, she knew that children could be so mean to someone who didn’t fit in. And Rachel most definitely did not fit in. Two years ago Rachel was known as Randall Harris.

FOURTEEN YEARS EARLIER:

Lieutenant Randall Harris and his wife Gina were looking forward to the birth of their second child. As the due date approached, they went about the tasks that all parents preparing for a new arrival go through, painting and papering the baby’s new room.
They were so excited that little Garrett was getting a sibling, and little Garrett was always asking when his new brother or sister was coming. Randy and Gina wanted to be surprised when the baby came.

“Soon, little guy, soon” said Randy. “We have to wait until he is ready.”

“OK, dada, but tell me when, ok?”

“You got it, champ” laughed Randy.

Gina walked in and picked up Garrett. “Time for your bath, stinky!”

“I not stinky, Mama!” squealed little Garrett.

“Oh yes you are, replied Gina, as she blew a raspberry on the toddler’s belly, causing the boy to start laughing.

Suddenly, Gina winced. “Honey, I think it’s time”. Then her husband sprang into cool action. Or so he would have have had everyone believe later.

Thirty-six hours later, the new little baby entered the world. The doctor was quiet as the baby came out.

“What is it, Doc?” asked Randy, “Boy or Girl? I need to know what color to wrap the cigars in!”

“Just a minute, Lieutenant”, said the doctor. His eyes looked troubled as the nurses prepped the crying infant. He looked at the nurse and whispered something to her that neither Gina nor Randy could hear.

“Please, Doctor,” asked Gina, “Is there something wrong with my baby? Can I hold my baby?” she was almost frantic.

“It’s all right, Gina” said the Doctor, “There’s a small situation I have to deal with for a minute. Don’t worry, your baby is ok, and you can hold it in a minute”

“OK, Doc”, answered Randy, as he held Gina’s hand. “It’s ok, babe, let the doc do his work”

The nurse handed the swaddled infant to its shaking mother, who was starting to feel the effects of the long labor and delivery.

“What is it,D-Doctor, a boy or a girl?” asked Gina. “W-W-What’s w-w-wrong?” she asked through chattering teeth.

“Well, Gina, your child seems to exhibit characteristics of both sexes” answered the doctor. “I would say the child is primarily a boy, but we need to do some tests first. But do not worry, this is a minor complication, and it is somewhat rare, but it is not, I repeat not, life threatening.”

“Oh god”, replied Randy. “What a relief. Can we sort this all out later?”

“Absolutely, Lieutenant.” said the doctor.

It turned out that due to the tests that were performed, the child had been born with CAIS, or Complete Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome. The physicians recommended that the child should be raised as a girl, but Randy was having none of it. He didn’t want a girl, and was determined that the child would be raised as a boy, with corrective surgery to be performed as soon as possible. The child was named Randall Joseph Harris Jr., as if naming the child after himself would make everything ok. Gina didn’t know what to think, she didn’t care if the child were boy or girl, she was just happy that little Randall was happy and healthy.

As the years passed, the family was the picture of happiness. Little Randy was the apple of his father’s eye, and Garrett accepted his brother unconditionally.

September 11th, 2001 broke bright and sunny on the base at Fort Hood. Then, at 9:46 AM local time, the Harris family would be changed forever. President Bush said that the people who perptrated this act would hear from us, and Captain Randall Harris was part of that response.

Captain Harris was a part of the 1st Cavalry Division 3rd Brigade combat team, “Greywolf” as a M1A1 tank commander. They missed the first part of Iraqi Freedom, but were called up for the second phase, to protect the green zone. They saw some action, and Captain Harris served with distinction, earning a Silver Star for Valor in combat saving a squad who was under attack.

When he came back home, Randy Harris was a changed man. He was moody, and unusually quick tempered. He began drinking, not to excess, but every day. Gina was concerned, but when she tried to get him to talk about things, he just wouldn’t. He would get angry about things that before all the combat started, would not have given him pause.

Little Randall was growing, but had a decidedly quiet side that put his father off. He didn’t like sports, and loved to read. He had a vivid imagination, and loved playing with the girls next door, Angela and Becca. They played endlessly, imagining they were in a land of faeries and magic. He even loved playing with their dolls, and they came up with countless ways to dress them up.

Randy was having none of this, and while he was home, Randall was forbidden to play with his girl friends. He got Little Randall involved in Little League baseball, and volunteered to coach his team. Garrett, his brother, was a standout athlete, and an even better brother to little Randall, quietly helping him to improve.

Randy was very impatient as a coach, and soon tired of the frustration of teaching the youngsters to basics of the game. He was replaced by Mr. Jones, an older man whose patience was immediately appreciated by the team.

Randall was improving slowly, but never really got the hang of playing. He could run, but throwing was always a problem. The other children were always saying he “threw like a girl”. Randall was miserable, and he missed his girl friends. He saw Angela and Becca every day in thier yard, playing, and he so wished he could be with them, but his Dad would never let him go.

Gina could see how miserable Randall was, so she let him go over when her husband was on duty. That was until Randy came home early and found Randall playing in the front yard with Becca and her collection of Bratz dolls. It was all innocent, but Randy blew his top, causing both Becca and Randall to burst into tears. Things would have escalated, but Gina managed to calm Randy down.

“That boy is NOT going to turn into some homo! I cannot believe you would let him do something like that!” he shouted.

“Randy! Listen to yourself! Your son was not doing anything wrong!” replied Gina

“The hell he wasn’t!” he bellowed “I specifically said he could not play with those girls”

“And I have no say in this whatsoever, Randy?” said Gina.

“Not when it comes to MY sons!” came the bitter reply.

“My sons? MY SONS?” came Gina’s reply.

“Did you carry them inside you for 9 months?” she asked. “Did you breast feed them at all hours of the night and day, or did you lay in bed and poke me until I got up in the middle of the night. Did you take care of thier hurts and scrapes? How dare you say MY sons. They have been and will always be OUR sons, Randy, and don’t you ever forget it!”

With that, Gina broke into sobs, and ran to the bedroom. Randy turned and left. The two boys were completely devastated at the father’s display of temper. They crept into their mother’s room.

“Are you ok mommy?” asked Randall.

“Yes, honey. Your daddy is just very sad since he came back from the war” she said. “Just keep praying for him, I don’t think he means what he says.”

Garrett asked, “Are you sure, Mom?”

“Yes, Garrett, I’m sure”

Things returned to near normal after that, Randy made up with Gina, but always seemed to be concerned about the manliness of little Randall. Randall was 12 now, but was undersized and very feminine in his features, his father insisted on military style haircuts, but Randall always looked like a girl recovering from chemotherapy, and was often confused with one in public, which made Randy angrier every time it happened.

Randall continued to play with Angela and Becca, and Becca was his best friend. They were inseparable, and this drove Randall’s dad crazy, but he knew better than to say anything in front of Gina. He reserved little “sissy” comments for Randall, and made fun of him whenever he could.

Randy transferred to the Seventh Cavalry, and soon was again up for deployment to Iraq. The depression had never left Randy, and the last thing he said to Randall was that he was a true disappointment to him, and that Garrett would always be better than him.

Six weeks later, three officers appeared at their door. Captain Randall Joseph Harris, Sr. was dead, killed in action by an IED just outside of Mosul, Iraq.

At the same time, Gina found out she was pregnant again. This time it was a daughter, she just knew it.

The next couple of weeks went by as a blur. There were funeral arrangements, the burial and moving off base. Fortunately, Becca’s parents moved before the Harris family, and they told Gina about a little place just down the street from them in Martinsburg, TX. The move went by smoothly, and due to insurance settlements and survivors benefits, they were able to purchase the house, and Gina wouldn’t have to work for the time being.

Randall continued going to school, where he was teased for being gay or some sort of freak. He had athletic talent, but it lent itself more to swimming and running than football, which absolutely would not play. He hated the game and disliked the macho boys who played it.

“Becca, I can’t understand why everyone is so mean to me, just because I don’t like the same things they do”

“Randall, I don’t either. I think you are the best friend a person could have. I like you just the way you are. Don’t worry what other people think, Ok?”

“I know, but you don’t get picked on for being small or not very good at football or baseball.”

“Well, I am a girl, after all, no one expects me to play all these icky games. You’ll show them, Randall. You’ll take off and be twice the athlete any of those other boys will be, I just know it!”

“That’s just it, Becca. I don’t want to play those games.” sighed Randall.

One month later, Randall was involved in a fight with one of the school bullies who had been harrassing him. Randall didn’t fight back, but curled up into a ball while Wayne Jackson pounded and kicked him until the teacher broke up the fight. Wayne was suspended, but Randall was not disciplined as it was revealed he had not started the fight nor had he thrown any punches.

He was taken to the school nurse, who started checking Randall for injuries. She poked and prodded but other than some bruises, she found nothing wrong. Randall’s mother was called, and she came to the schools to pick up her son.

Randall was waiting for his mother in the office.

“What happened?” asked Gina.

“One of the troublemakers got physical with Randall,” replied Mr. Marvin, the principal. “he has been suspended pending a hearing with the school board. Randall did nothing wrong, but we would like you to take him to your physician to make sure everything is OK. The school district, will, of course, take care of any expense incurred” Mr. Marvin added.

“Randall is a model student, and we take bullying very seriously, Mrs. Harris”

“Thank you, Mr. Marvin. I appreciate your concern for the students, but why did this boy assault my son?”

“Apparently, he seems to think Randall is some sort of ‘sissy’, and decided that he would address the problem in his own way. I don’t agree with the bully’s assessment, but a 12 year old boy doesn’t always think rationally”

“Well, as long as you are handling the situation, I see no reason to take this any further” replied Gina. “but please, do what you can to protect Randall from future episodes like this”.

“I will do that, Mrs. Harris, rest assured”

“Thank you again, Mr. Marvin. Let’s go, honey”

“Ok, mom”.

They drove over to Dr. Andrews office. Gina had called on the way to the school, and let the doctor know they would be stopping by to get Randall checked out. Dr. Andrews was a close friend of the family, and thought nothing of inserting Randall and Gina into his day.

Gina stepped up to the receptionist desk.

“Hi, Martha, we need to see the doctor for a few minutes”

“No problem, Gina, he’s expecting you. Tanya will let you know when an exam room opens up.”

“Thanks, Martha. How are the twins?”

“Giving me gray hair. I can’t seem to keep up with them”

“Well, I know how bad two toddlers can be. I am glad to be out of that stage for now.” chortled Gina.

“How is the pregnancy going?” asked Martha.

“Better than the other two, I guess. Just a lot of heartburn.”

“Oh, you know what that means!”

“I know! Lots of pretty hair! I just know this one will be a girl!”

“Oh Gina, Randy would have just loved a girl” Martha stated.

“I would have loved to have seen his reaction,” Gina noted with sadness, ”but I’m sure he knows.”

“I know dear, I know” replied Martha.

Gina knew Martha knew exactly what she was going through. Martha lost her first husband 10 years prior to a drunk driver. She had since found a new love and had been married for the last 3 years to Tom, an accountant with a firm in Killeen.

Tanya Williams, the RN with Dr. Andrews called Gina and Randall to the exam room. Dr. Andrews came in about ten minutes later, after all of Randall’s statistics had been recorded by the nurse.

“So, Randall, got into a bit of a scrape, did we?”

“Yes, Doctor, but I think I’ll live” laughed Randall.

“Yes, well, you can’t let a couple of bullies get you down, we all have to deal with them sooner or later.”

“Right now, I’d take the later part, if it’s all the same to you, sir”

Gina had to laugh, as well as Dr. Andrews at that one.

“Yes, well, let’s have a look at you. Take off your shirt, please, Randall”

Randall took off his shirt, and the doctor began his exam. Bruises were starting to form on his back, shoulders and stomach.

Dr. Andrews looked at Randall’s chest, and found that Randall’s nipples were swollen.

“Randall, have you been experiencing tenderness in your chest?”

“Actually, yes I have, Doctor, right here, and here” said Randall, pointing to both his nipples.

“Interesting. Well, I don’t see any broken bones, but I’d like to send him over for x rays”

Dr. Andrews wrote an order for the x rays.

“Randall, Get dressed and go to the waiting room, I need to talk with your mother for a little bit.”

“All right, Doctor”

Dr. Andrews took Gina down to his office and closed the door.

“What is the problem, Doctor?” asked a concerned Gina.

“I know Randall’s history and the diagnosis of CAIS at birth. I also know that his father wanted to raise the child as a boy, against medical advice.”

“Oh, no” gasped Gina “I had completely forgotten. He’s beginning to develop, isn’t he”

“Yes, Gina, he is. I know that with the trouble you have been having and the loss of your husband, you haven’t had much time to think about it, but here are the facts. Randall will never develop into a full male. His body simply does not respond to the hormones that make a male who he is. Almost all CAIS patients are raised female because that’s the path of least resistance, if you will. Are you following me?”

“Yes, Doctor”

“Randall will continue to develop along the lines of a female with breasts, skeletal structure, and all that comes with being female. He has a vagina, but no uterus or ovaries, and his testes are for all intents and purposes non functioning. Simple surgeries can be performed to remove the testes, which, according to my examination have not descended and create a fully functoning vaginal canal and reconstruction of the vestigal penis to a normal clitoris. In short, we can make a physically functioning female out of Randall’s body, but we can’t do the opposite. His body chemistry won’t allow it.”

“I feel so terrible, Doctor. His father was so dead set against him being a girl, that I put it out of my mind, and with his death......”

“Don’t beat yourself up over it, Gina, it doesn’t make you a bad mother, It makes you human. But we still have to address this problem now rather than later. You need to talk to Randall, and I can give you the name of a great therapist in Austin to get gender counseling for both of you.”

“Thank you, Doctor, I’ll sit down with him tonight.”

(copyright, 2011)