Down the Rabbit Hole, part 1

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Note: this is a work of fiction and the characters, settings, etc. belong to their respective authors and this author. References to the anime Full Metal Alchemist and Bleach are used so a passing knowledge of the former (aka why you do NOT do Human Transmutation) and knowing up to ~ episode 130 of the latter will help explain things. Since this is my first work of fiction, I ask that you hold off on judgements till you see the full thing.

Whately Academy universe, July 2006
“That should do it. You ready to throw the switch, Mandark?” “Absolutely, Dexter. I’ve been waiting all semester to test this device out. It did drain both of our lab budgets for the semester and then some so I can’t wait. According to our research, this “gate” should create a stable wormhole to another world. “ However, being actual devisors, their joint creation didn’t actually go off as intended…

“What’s happening?!” Dexter shouted ten minutes in as stuff belonging to a dorm room started to come out of the gate. “I don’t know. Should I hit the cut-off and alert our teacher?” Mandark replied. “No, we’ll let it go for the time we stated our experiment would go for or until the power usage spikes beyond tolerable limits. THEN we hit the cut-off, alert the teacher, alert security, and then await our fate.”

The device turned itself off after exactly thirty-eight minutes but not before spewing out a lot of stuff, stuff that looked like it was from a college dorm room. “I think we may be in trouble now Mandark. Let’s go to the teacher and tell him exactly what happened, letting him decide what happens to us.” Dexter said. And so the two devisors exited their lab and headed to the Devisor lab head office, their fate uncertain.

Our universe, present day

I had just finished browsing a few websites on my laptop in my dorm room when I noticed that the wireless on my laptop decided to go out. Upon in the direction of the laptop, I started to see a small hole in the glass that was very unusual. Not only was the glass not cracked, but it looked like it was drawing in some papers I had lying on the windowsill next to my bed. So assuming things were going to go downhill very fast, I decided to shut-down both my laptop and desktop as well as disconnect all the wires from my desktop, looking at the hole in the screen which appeared to be growing larger. As I had finished unplugging my mini-fridge and microwave, my PSP, which was on my bed next to the shelf disappeared through it along with the sensation of being dragged TOWARDS the hole in the glass, which had grown to about 3x the size it was before. Around this time the lights in the room decided to go out.

At this development, I decided to grab my wallet, my keys, and my school ID with me to prepare to go through the hole if it became large enough to enter. As I was heading into the bathroom, my suitemate came out to ask about the outage. I told him “I have no clue why it’s occurring, if the outage is wide-spread, or localized to our building.” I had a hunch about the cause and that the hole in the glass was causing it but kept to myself, not even telling a RA because it might be futile. After I got back, I saw that the pull I had experienced 10 minutes ago was now very strong and had pulled in my laptop, PSP, bed, container underneath my bed with some wires and some other stuff I had bought in.

My desk and computer were on their way into the hole-in-the-wall, which by now had gone from being the size of a bullet to being the whole window. I proceeded to fight the pull as much as I could in an effort to save my other suite-mate (who was out at the time) from having his stuff pulled through. After seeing it take everything I had while expanding steadily in horror, I decided that fighting it was futile and proceeded to enter the hole-in-the-wall which was by now looking like a big, black hole that may have had a 10 foot radius. Once I was in, I saw a VERY large explosion go off before it sealed up behind me

White room, time unknown

Now after exiting the black hole, I found myself in a white room with a door I had seen only in an anime. Realizing with horror what the door COULD be and why people came to this room I decided to shout in 3 languages a simple phrase that would get someone’s attention.
“I have NOT preformed Human Transmutation!”
“Je ne suis pas Human Transmutation!”
“iie, watashi no hito no turansumutachion ja nai desu!”
“I do NOT know how to do Alchemy, let alone human transmutation.”
“I know.” Was the reply I heard. Turning around I saw the Fullmetal Alchemist, otherwise known as Edward Elric. However, he appeared to not have an automail arm and leg in his appearance. “Ed, two questions for you; One: How do you have your original right arm and left leg and Two: HOW did I end up here?” “I wish I knew. Truth is in a meeting with “other” beings in which you cannot interfere and the answer to your first question is that since it is 2012 where you are from and I was around in a parallel world in the early 1900’s, it’s safe to assume it’s my spirit you see. Truth may be able to explain things to you in a few minutes. He is in a emergency meeting about something called a “multiverse tear” that just occurred between your world and another.”

I replied in response to Ed, “so let me get this straight: I was pulled into what looked to me like a black hole and instead of being compressed by sheer gravity was instead pulled here before the explosion I saw closed the gate. Truth is in a meeting with beings that I take it live on other planes of existence about what occurred and multiple worlds are affected?!” “I don’t know about the last part but yes you were pulled in by something that was like a black hole in appearance and pull but was actually caused by people on a parallel earth. The explosion was the energy required to automatically repair a universe tear and caused the campus where you were to be, oh what’s the term “Glassed Over”, killing everyone on campus.”

“Danielle, you are in a VERY unique situation” I heard someone say. Surprised at his use of the feminine form of my name, I turned to see another being that looked like the Truth I saw in a certain anime. “I take it you are here to send me through the gate and stay there.” I replied back. “Oh no, you’re going straight on through, out the other side and into the center while I return to the meeting I was just in to come up with options about how we deal with the multiverse tear. Out of nowhere he made a pod that looked like it belonged in the Citadel from the game Half-Life 2. Truth stated “Get inside so you avoid any potential problems that may occur. You are the very first and probably the very last person to enter this white room from your universe. I will meet you after you make a very important decision at the middle.” At that comment, I decided that since I had entered the rabbit-hole, I might as well see where this leads me and got on in. As soon as I got in, the pod began moving towards the opening door which led into a black space with another door. I headed through that and was met with a surprise.

Precipice of Heaven and Hell, unknown date

Well after exiting that room I was able to see that I was inside an infinitely large sphere, with doors very similar to the one that was behind me around identical to the one I had just come through. I also noticed from the little I could see that I had 4 beings that I surmised were guarding me although I couldn’t know what they were guarding me from. Although I could tell I was moving extremely fast after leaving the doorway behind, I could see something in the middle of the sphere I was approaching. As the pod slowed, I could see it had an escalator going up, a escalator going down, and a area called “waiting area”. After the pod stopped and I disembarked I went up to the person that I guessed was St. Peter because he was sitting at a desk nearby. “Ah Danielle, I see your name in here but there has been a major problem which has sent you here to me and it’s not your time yet. We can’t send you back but I have a problem for you to answer from higher up that may determine if you are the right person for this task. Choosing it is up to you and will not affect you going either way since you are marked in the Book of Life with gold, indicating you go right on up, normally ignoring this “way station”. Here’s the problem: A device of some kind has resulted in a universal tear in its own universe that has expanded beyond just that universe. The Father can close it but at a terrible cost to everyone in that universe. What do you think about the problem?”

Pondering it for a moment and thinking about it, the thought came to me so I said it “I would change the device to be reliant on a Stargate to dial, with this current device responsible for being the universe destination of the gate address, defaulting to the home universe when no chevrons are entered for it.” “Very interesting solution, Danielle I’ll send it on up to Jesus, whose in a meeting right now about that problem I described to you. This will take a few hours of time here for you before someone comes to talk to you. In the meantime, you may catch-up with your dead relatives here.”

And I did catch up with my deceased relatives. I happened to find out that a family friend I was among the pall bearers for, my mom’s parents (who I was among the pall bearers for), and my aunt had volunteered to “protect and shield me from things that would melt my mind”. I was enjoying the relaxation when an angel came to me and said “Jesus is out of that meeting he was in and has a decision has been made with a backup in case. Free will and all that jazz, you know. You will have to go onto the other side, the side where the rip took place and make sure that the universe does NOT continue merging with others. One parallel world and its accompanying dimension have been merged already and a massive breakdown of the barriers between universes may occur in a few local years. Going or staying here will not affect your status here in any way-if you stay you will enter Heaven.”

My reply was “I’ll do it but I’m going to have a list of stuff I will need to be able to accept this task.” The angel said “Jesus already has your list and has said yes you’ll get it. Go back to the pod you came here in and you’ll proceed the rest of the way to your destination.” Before I could say anything a loud voice boomed “DANIELLE SMITH IS HEARBY GRANTED AUTOMATIC ENTRY INTO HEAVEN FOR ACCEPTING THIS TASK!” “That was the Big Cheese, aka the Father and boy this must be important for him to say that!” St. Peter told me as I was getting into the pod. “Your 4 relatives will guide you to the next area where Christ will give you something you’ll need before you enter the site where the rip occurred.

And so I proceeded to head away from the “waystation” to the side of the sphere opposite the side I entered from, my head started to hurt from the knowledge I was gaining so rapidly. Before I entered a door that was rapidly approaching me, there were doors on this side too-too many to count. After I entered the door I exited the pod and saw a familiar face-one that belonged to my main character in the MMORPG FFXI. “Do I know you?” She said to me. “I know you better than you think, Lillis of Siren, formerly of Diabolos. You were my avatar in the game, a way for me to vent hidden feelings away from the world. I saw your feats as they occurred, memorable moments as they happened, and your 3 defeats to Maat as a Summoner.” I stated. As we started to move closer to each other, not of our own will, I said “I think we are meant to be one.” Lillis replied “I agree and I think I shall disappear but you’ll retain my abilities as well as all of those inside the game that you haven’t learned yet.” I felt very strange afterward and then found myself in another room with Jesus.

Upon seeing him I fell to me knee and he said “If you wish to follow after me you must deny yourself, accept your cross and follow me. That is what you tried to live every day, am I correct?” “Yes, my Lord and Savior, that is correct.” “Come here I have a special gift for you that will prove to be useful.” As I came over, I saw that it was a broach. “Let me show you how to open it first.” Jesus said. After he opened it, I saw a beautiful silver crystal and said “is that the-” but Jesus cut me off saying “it is indeed. It belongs to a certain princess of a certain kingdom. There is a second item inside and I will show you how to open it to see it now” After looking at it and remembering how another stone looked I started to say “is that a-“ but again Jesus cut me off saying “it is indeed what you think it is. However this one is pure and can actually do what the man-made one cannot. Can I count on you to not use it for such a purpose?” “As long as I can use it to heal people at the cellular level, not touching the soul, I swear I will never use it for that purpouse.” Jesus said to me “The broach is protected by magic wards and the Ancients-yes they agreed to break their rule for this event-it’s THAT serious. If you tell someone they may hold the broach they can hold it but the clasp will not open up for them. I would highly advise you not reveal the second stone to most people as they will kill you for it. Also, here’s a pocket watch you’ll find useful.”

He then proceeded to put the broach around my neck, fastening the clasp as he did so while clipping the pocket watch to one of the belt loops on my jeans. “Now I want you to try doing transmutation on the floor like you saw Edward Elric do it. I will be here to guide the result. We will meet again on the Last Day.” I then proceeded to do exactly like Ed does whenever he was trying to do alchemy-clap my hands together and then put them on the floor. As soon as I did it I saw another portal opening beneath me and the room I was in disappearing.

Whately Universe-alternate timeline-July 2006

Well I landed with a bump in front of a very familiar looking guy. He seemed pretty annoyed when I asked him the date and where I was. “It’s July 25th, 2006 and you’re at Whately Academy, don’t you know anything?” the guy replied. Then one of the girls he was with said “Duke, go easy and don’t have an episode on his account-he looks like he’s got no powers.”
“Duke as in Duke Nukem? How did you get that as a code name? I thought the trademark on the name was held by 3DRealms.” I said in astonished reply. “They lost the right to the code name after ten years and it seems like you need to be taught a lesson.” He said, getting his hands up. Since I couldn’t fight him, I decided to do the opposite-run into the forest away from Duke and any team-mates he had. I then hoped I had the recourses to buy Gearbox, the Duke Nukem trademark, and had my desktop with an installed copy of Duke Nukem Forever on it. I ran past Poe Cottage, surprising a few people as I ran by with Duke right on my tail. As I approached the forest an idea popped into my head of how to stop Duke and whatever team he had with him. I turned with him coming right at me and only a few hundred feet between us I clasped my hands together, put them to the ground, and then concentrated on the image of a wall, surprising myself when it appeared and he ran into it. I proceeded to run into the forest and quickly found myself in the center where I decided to sit and wait after saying “I don’t want to cause any trouble I just need someone to talk to”

Security had noticed a breach in the perimeter that was bordering the forest by an unauthorized student but was surprised that it wasn’t a student. Having heard that Duke was in the nurse’s office due to running into a brick wall at very high speed, he decided to have one of the authorized people allowed to enter the center of the forest to go in. In particular he was thinking of Fey, outfitting her with an earpiece and mike so he could keep tabs on the unknown intruder and notify Mrs. Hartford of the developments. Fey wasn’t too thrilled about the idea but she decided to go along with it and found herself in the forest 10 minutes after leaving her last class.

Upon reaching the middle of the forest I decided to use my broach to create a sub and Stewarts because I was getting hungry and thirsty, having eaten an unknown amount of time ago.
As I saw Fey coming into the clearing I said “Hello, Fey. Do you want a bottle of Stewarts? I know due to your nature you can’t handle synthetics or meat otherwise I’d offer you a sub similar to what I have.” Fey curious as to me asking said “all right but if I get a stomach ache it’s your fault.” After she took a sip she said “I would like to know your true motive as to giving me a reason why you came out here”. I told her “I know you are wearing a wire. I would appreciate it if we could speak outside its range with whatever means you have to do so.” Tossing the wire onto the ground she proceeded to setup a privacy sphere. Therefore I started to speak.

“I envy you, Toni, and others like you” I said “why is that?” Fey said. “I would fit in with the true nature of Poe-its GBLT nature namely. Although it’s covered over by being the cottage for “crazies””. “You feel trapped in your body?” Fey said. “Definitely. If I could change it I would but I can’t”. And I proceeded to explain my predicament showing her my driver’s license along with silk gloves I just transmuted since I knew about her allergy to synthetics. “This is either a very good forgery or just flat-out impossible. You cannot be from the future!” Fey yelled at me in an angry voice.

“Imagine that there are 2 sides of a lake-in this case the sides represent unique universes. Can you imagine a bridge going from one side of the lake to another that is not directly across from it? Another way of putting it is like this: Both universes are on the same time but the Big Bang occurred 6 years later in your timeline, thus everything moved forward 6 years in mine.” I replied, trying to explain what I went through as best as I was able. “This sounds like a devisor trying to explain in a very simple manner how one of their gadgets works but right now I believe you.” Fey said after thinking about it. I decided to also add “in the world I came from, this campus, this world are nothing but fiction that is online. I know all about you and the rest of your team but on my honor I will NOT reveal what occurred. Wibbily-wobbily, timey-wimey you know.”

After we were talking we heard a loud crash and saw a girl wearing a black kimono smashed into a tree. Right away we went over and upon realizing who it was laying there I said to Fey “Don’t call Security. Check to see if she has some kind of phone and hit the emergency button. Tell Squad 12 that Rukia Kuchki has been gravely injured by a hollow and to get her family and someone from squad 4 here right away. I think her injuries are severe based upon the way she hit the tree. I’m going to try to distract that thing however I can for as long as I can before I go to plan B.
In the meantime, you stay with Rukia, try to heal her, and put up a shield to protect you two.” Fey responded in an authoritative voice “Child, What makes you think you can order me about like that. How on earth can you expect to fight that thing on your own?” Changing back to her normal voice she said “oh man Aung got mad at you but for real how are you going to fight whatever injured her and how on earth do you know the name of this girl?” I replied “I watch a lot of anime and recognized her from a certain show I watch. I know a lot more about her and that sword over there” I pointed to a blade that was stuck in the ground five feet away. “But that can wait till Rukia is conscious and coherent.”

I marched over to the thing that injured Rukia and asked it “All right what are you? A Hollow? Arrarancar?” “The latter. My name is of no consequence.” I heard its reply so I decided to pull a trick from when me and my FFXI character merged and said “Job Switch: Summoner main Red Mage sub-job.” To my surprise my clothing changed to that of the equipment I had in FFXI as a Summoner although my equipment was loose in some places and tight in others. Thinking I could utilize all of the avatars here I decided to try using the wind avatar, Garuda. I could also sense that I had a high amount of MP, enough for what I was going to try. “Summoning magic: Garuda.” I said. After a few seconds of concentration I saw her appear, much to my relief. “Assault him” I said and then after landing the first hit, which appeared to do no damage I said “Blood Pact: Rage Predator Claws.” I felt my MP drain quite a bit on top of the steady drain Garuda was causing after I said that. “Hey that tickles.” The Arrarancar said after the attack landed. Thinking to myself “since it appears I can’t deal damage this way, I’ll have to buy myself time by enfeebling him. I just have to hope that I can do a switch to Red Mage/Black Mage and that Chainspell is an ability I can use. I just hope they stick or we are all dead.”

“Time for a change of pace” I said as I prepared my chain of commands “release. Job Switch: Red Mage/Black Mage” Garuda vanished to whence she came and my clothes switched to my Red Mage gear, again loose in the chest and tight in the crotch “Chainspell. Slow II. Paralyze II. Blind II. Elemental Seal. Saboteur. Sleep II.” With that chain of spells, I felt a bit exhausted but I was happy they stuck. Feeling I had a little MP left but not zero I decided “Time to try something out on myself. Convert.” My body looked like it had been badly beaten but my MP was back to full so I decided to continue with my experiment “cure IV” After that I felt a little better and then decided to use it again.
Upon feeling better physically I decided to try to switch back so I said “Job switch: Normal.” And my jeans and shirt came back. Running over to where Fey and Rukia were I shook Rukia and said “Rukia, I have a request: let me use your zanpakto. I bought time but I don’t know how much and I can’t injure him with my skills. I need a Soul Reaper’s blade.” Rukia was groggy when she said “im-impossible. The best I could do is make you a sub Soul Reaper. No one can use another’s zanpakto.” “Well looks like it’s time I tried to use Sodenoshidayuki myself. Can I at least have your permission to try? If we do nothing its curtains for more than just us.” “I’ve gotten in touch with the Soul Society as they call themselves and they say they are sending out someone to investigate.” Fey said calmly. So I took the phone and after dialing I said “Get me through to Mayuri. Do not ask how I know that name just do it. Ok Mayuri if you do NOT want to know what I know about you in extreme detail, you WILL get Rukia’s brother out here along with a member of squad 4. She is hurt very bad and I do not know how much longer she will live.”

The reply was in a wheezing-like voice “Why do you call me by my first name? I simply do not have enough data about what has happened. I have reports of Soul Reapers disappearing the world over and you want me to send a CAPTAIN out there? I understand your concern but I need more data. However since you are being so annoying, I’ll agree to your request.” Relief about that tidbit washed over me. “Rukia, I’ll ask you again. Can I use your zanpakto?” Sighing that it was going to be futile to say no or to say yes she decided “If my zanpakto agrees, you can use her.” Going over to where her sword fell and seeing the Arrarancar starting to slowly move I grabbed hold of it and immediately was brought into my subconscious.

“Why have you grabbed me like this miss?” Was the reply from the beautiful zanpakto that belonged to Rukia. Looking at myself I saw I was female in appearance and dressed conservatively. I decided to ask my question point-blank “Sodenoshidayuki, I know your shikai release and dance commands. Your master has said if you agree to me using you, I can wield you.” Amused and surprised at my request her reply was “All right. You have my power as long as you can use it for.” After I shook her hand I found myself back in the world.
I walked up to the Arrarancar who by now had woken up but was still under the effects of the enfeebles I put on him. “What did you do to me? I feel so slow and can’t see. That is dirty fighting and completely unfair.” He had said. My reply was simple “I bought myself enough time to do this” and praying that the release was exactly like I had envisioned it, I said and preformed the release command “now dance, Sodenoshidayuki.”

As soon as I said it I knew it worked because I could feel my body changing into that of a woman. A wave of relief from almost 20 years of feeling “wrong” was coming over me but I needed to bottle that up in case I needed it for the future. After the change was complete, I was wearing a black kimono and had done the impossible-I had wielded another Soul Reaper’s zanpakto. “Time for you to die” I said in my new voice which I liked the sound of. I could see him coming at me but he was still under the effect of slow so I decided to use Sodenoshidayuki’s second dance. “Tsuginomai. Hakuren!” I said while envisioning the effect. Surprised at the sight of the Arrarancar suspended in an ice pillar I then thought about breaking the pillar into many pieces, which it did, killing him the second it broke.

Returning to where Rukia and Fey were I said “I guess I was right. I was able to do the impossible-releasing Sodenoshidayuki and killing that arrarancar” I said “I guess you actually DO belong in Poe then” Fey said surprised. Rukia came to enough to say “I felt my friend Ichigo over in that direction” she pointed deeper in the forest before continuing “but it disappeared so he is in grave trouble. He was fighting someone much stronger than the one you defeated-an Espada ranked Arrarancar-I think he was number 5.” I decided to take a chance and go two-for-two saying “I’ll go out to help him-even if it means I pull a Yurameshi and die with him.” Fey added “Pull a Yurameshi? Is that what I think it means? The captain from squad 6, his lt., and a member of squad 4 are on their way here so why not wait?” I said “it means what you think it does. I also think I know exactly how to defeat that Espada.” And with that I left and ran quickly, in the direction Rukia pointed. Finding Zangetsu, Ichigo’s Zanpakto on the ground a few feet from his body, pushed against the tree with several obvious broken bones and looking very bloody. I picked up Zangetsu and was thrust into Ichigo’s subconscious.

“I. Thought. I told you. Never. To. Lose.” Ichigo’s white doppelganger said while stomping on Ichigo. Zangetsu was looking on with a sad look. “Ahem.” I said and the doppelganger stopped. “I think I can help you defeat that Espada even if it’s the last thing you do.” “How can you expect to be able to wield me, a lowly Soul Reaper-not even that-a human who is wielding Rukia’s zanpakto?” Zangetsu said. “Oh I don’t know exactly how I was able to wield Sodenoshidayuki but I know your Bankai form and name, Tensa Zangetsu and Shirosakue.” “So, you know my name too, woman. Well that isn’t going to get you much from me. I’m Ichigo’s base instincts.” Shirosakue said. My reply was similar to the plea I used on Sodenoshidayuki “Zangetsu, Ichigo, Shirosakue I need your agreement to let me wield Zangetsu, use Bankai, the hollow mask, and a Getsuga Tensho against that Espada. If I attempt to fight with my current powers, I will lose and an entire school is going to be destroyed.” “Where will you get the spiritual pressure to go bankai let alone use the hollow mask?” Zangetsu asked me. I replied very simply “I will use my life force as spiritual pressure along with whatever spirit energy I currently have and hope it’s enough to do what I stated I would.” “Sounds crazy but I sense that you have a hollow-like half inside you and he agrees to let you use the mask for this provided the two of you fight it out afterwards” Shirosakue said. “I… Agree to let… you use… Zangetsu.” Ichigo said weakly. “I also agree to let you wield me. There is precedent for a Soul Reaper having two Zanpakto and if anything I will go out in a blaze of glory.” Zangetsu said, extending his hand for me to shake it. As I shook his hand, I was thrust back into the real world

“So are you going to fight me now? Ichigo was fun but he proved to be too weak an opponent.” I heard the Espada say as I turned to face him, recognizing him as Grimmjow. Well, not taking a chance I decided to do my one attack. “Bankai” I said right before moving my right hand across my face, forming a mask. Taking Zangetsu in two hands and feeling rapidly weaker by the second I said “Getsuga Tensho!” and then vanished the mask and Zangetsu reverted to its normal form. I managed to see him lying on the ground with severe injuries and was feeling very weak but still in my kimono. Sometime around this instance, I saw the squad 6 lt., Renji Abari standing nearby looking very shocked. “Can you help me back to where Rukia is? I feel exhausted and doubt I can make it on my own.” I said. “Absolutely. Cpt. Kuchki wants to speak with you if possible. It is a good thing you asked for us-she is dying and we cannot do anything to help her-your friend bought her some time but that’s it.” Renji replied, helping me back to where they were. Midway during the trek back I reverted to my normal male self after fighting to keep the kimono on as long as I could.

“Now I know why he, no she was growing weaker as we walked back-she was fighting to stay female as long as possible probably because she had been trapped in that body for her whole life and wanted to die a woman. As we got to the clearing Captain Byakuya Kuchki said to me “are you the one who used Rukia’s zanpakto? I would like to thank you for giving us time together to say goodbye.” Fey added “oh man you look like a mess.” I said “I feel very awful.” “By…a…ku…ya…” Rukia said “yes, sister?” the captain added “Adopt… her” she said pointing at me before she closed her eyes and died. “Of course Rukia, if that’s your dying wish.” Byakuya said. Feeling very hot all of a sudden I said “Nikki, get me to the nurse. Take my wallet and bring it with me. I think I am in burnout.” I said as I fell to the ground and everything went black.
Continued in part 2

Notes: the II abilities are merited abilities that can be learned once someone reaches level 75 in FFXI and switches to limit points. Every 10,000 limit points you earn 1 merit point. Garuda is one of the many avatars that are in FFXI and the blood pact used was the one a Summoner learns them at level 70. Chainspell allows for the instant casting of spells for a duration of thirty seconds. Elemental seal enhances the effect of the next black magic spell cast. Saboteur enhances the effect and duration of the next enfeeble cast. Convert is a ability that takes whatever HP the user has and converts it into MP. (don't EVER use it if you have 0 MP)
The phrase "Pulling a Yurameshi" refers to the burning of one's life force in exchange for power to fight for a brief time.

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Comments

Hi there Wizisi.

Welcome to BigCloset.

Your warning about needing to know some background about these characters is spot on. I've never heard of "Full Metal Alchemist and Bleach", but I thought I'd jump in and check out your story anyway. I have to admit that I was quite lost. But anime seems to be pretty popular around here; I'm sure that a few folks will get a kick out of this :-)

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Gray_Capris.jpg
The girl in me. She's always there, and right now
she wishes she could speak "anime".

it's an interesting idea, but

it's an interesting idea, but everything seems to be rushed. There's no breathing space ^_^' I'm lucky i've watched full metal alchemist (both versions) and bleach up until somewhere in the middle of the Espada stuff. (I stopped when suddenly they started fillers in the middle of that story line).

I'm surprised how dannielle manages not to completely lose her mind with everything that's happening at such a fast pace. Oh and is danielle in a female body or a male one at the time being, because I couldn't really follow ^^'. Jesus said something about denying herself, so I assume she's stil male bodied, but certain comments of other characters make me believe otherwise.

grtz & hugs,

Sarah xxx

ps: there are a couple parts that are repeated (copy paste problem?) in the story, which where a little confusing before I realized it the same as before ^_^'.

Interesting story, but it has its problems

Ugh... to comment this story I guess I'll begin with the weaknesses: The paragraphs are way too big, you should reduce them to a half or a third. There are too many universes imho. Especially if you don't know them. I don't see god handing out get to heaven for free cards - even if she decided to become a mass murderer. You twice repeated parts of the story. The part with the white room came twice, as well as the part with rukia's zanpakto.
It would be nice if the abbilities Danielle got from the game character were explained better. Just taking game mechanics and include them into a story seems to be a bit strange. As a reader I don't know what thoughts you have in your head. It would be nice to know more about the character and if you could show her thoughts about the whole situation.

As far as I can tell this is a Mary Sue, author avatar universe crossover fic. Imho the hardest combination of fanfic to pull off without annoying your readers. I hope you can avoid Danielle becoming arrogant, all-knowing or condescending towards the other characters.

This seems to be an interesting story, but I'd suggest you reformat the story and remove those text-parts that appear twice. It would be nice if there was a further introduction into your character.
Thank you for writing,
Beyogi

well this is what you get

well this is what you get for doing editing on your own. Regarding the get into heaven for free: in our universe, it was based on the fact that the main character was a devout catholic as well as forgoing the heaven in the hopes of saving a universe from the loss of ALL superpowers. Also, if I were to go into explaining the abilities I got from the MMO character, it would be a whole lot longer due to one fact: the amount of spells would be a heck of a lot alone. Yea I did a copy-paste of the completed story from word page-by-page and it was 10 PM when I tried it. Explaining the game mechanics would have taken too long as well but I tried for a general jist of it. Right now consider it this way: she is in disbelief/shock about what has occurred and is just going with the flow. As to the question of body: up until the shikai release changes her body, she is a guy because she entered that hole body and soul. If an editor has free time to correct the problems present (and is willing to put up with future segments of the story), I'll send it to them for correction. Paragraphs are long because I couldn't find natural breaks. Adding in details about the fights would have been a little redundant (in the second case even entirely useless as the attack used up just about all of her life force in it). Let's just say that in future parts the character will not be too arrogant or condensending except to those that caused the predicament. Everything becomes real to her after she wakes up from burnout. She won't be all-knowing or even close to that. The reason for no breathing space is rather simple: everything is occurring the second the previous thing ends. The only real breathing room is in the precipice because time has no meaning there.

I'm not sure how many editors

I'm not sure how many editors read this, but I'd suggest you ask in the forums if someone was willing to help you.

if I were to go into explaining the abilities I got from the MMO character, it would be a whole lot longer due to one fact: the amount of spells would be a heck of a lot alone.

Well yeah, there is the risk of overexplaining stuff, but since this might become a longer story I doubt it would be a problem. Since the whole thing is told from first person it is very reasoable that the protagonist thinks about using her powers and the reasons to do it before actually using them.
I've played MMORPGs myself, so I can guess what is going on, but many people here never played one. Still it would be nice to see more of the spells than "I cast: slow 4, stun 3, blind 5, pummel 1, ice 4" - or something like that. A better option would be imho:

"I used a combination cast to make sure my enemy wouldn't be able to move. First I used a stronger magical slowing spell on him and stunned him at the same time with a spell of middle strengh. Strong light shot from my finger tips to blind and disorient the enemy, while magic blades slashed at his legs to pummel him. The final blow was that I managed to encase his legs in ice. The arancar wouldn't be able to move away; now I only had to finish it."

Sure, that is longer, but it isn't as boring as just listing the used abilities.

Paragraphs are long because I couldn't find natural breaks.

A paragraph that is longer than 6 six rows is too long. If there are no natural breaks change the text to create them. Anyway, use a double break between the paragraphs so the reader has an easier time to keep track with the text. The wider the screen the more complicated that task becomes ;)

Let's just say that in future parts the character will not be too arrogant or condensending except to those that caused the predicament.

I'm glad to read you haven't planned stuff like that. I guess the foolish devisors deserve some humiliation considering they caused countless deaths on the campus with their stupid interdimensional portal. Sorry if I was a bit too suspicious about that, but I've seen to many authors destroying good ideas - and a decent fanfic - with their personal revenge on main characters or an totally overpowered protagonist. There are some Crackfics like that which are actually good, but they are a very small minority, most just get ridiculous with revenge and humiliation.

Thank you for writing, I hope my suggestions could help a little,

Beyogi

Paragraphs

Puddintane's picture

>> Paragraphs are long because I couldn't find natural breaks.

Well, several of the long paragraphs involve more than one subject (speaker), and the general rule in English is that every agent has their own paragraph. I have a little monograph on the subject here:

http://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/blog/19347/paragraphs

Puddin'

P.S. It's also a very good idea to make sure that every paragraph is followed by two carriage returns. There's a blog on MS Word, and why it often causes problems in that regard, over there as well.

-

Cheers,

Puddin'

A tender heart is an asset to an editor: it helps us be ruthless in a tactful way.
--- The Chicago Manual of Style

rest of the fight

did I miss the rest of the fight with Grimmjow?
after she called for "Getsuga Tensho" what happened?
story os a little confusing but shows promise, please keep at it.
thanks

you didn't miss anything

if you were paying attention, she said she was going to use one attack. Afterwards, Grimmjow was seen lieing on the ground with severe injuries. Life force was the power behind her attack and the depletion of so much caused Zangetsu to revert to normal and the mask to disappear. She didn't call for an attack, she called out its name.

Okay !! :-D

This is pure author avatar fantasy fulfillment, mary sues galore etc. but it's just fun anyway. :)

It is a bit too compact though, a series of My Favorite Things all happening after each other.

Down the Rabbit Hole, part 1

Where is Alice for the Wonderland

    Stanman
May Your Light Forever Shine

there is no

there is no Alice. If you follow the stories to their conclusion, you'd note that her code-name is in the second title. She is filling in for Alice.