At the end of two months my parents, Sofia and I sat down for a meeting to decide what to do about her guarding me. The threat was gone and as much as I loved Sofia, there were times I wanted to be alone or with Cindy, just the two Musketeers, like it used to be.
“Sofia, we’ve loved having you to protect our baby, but I’m not sure if we need your services anymore?” Mom asked.
“Normally I wouldn’t agree with you, but I think you’re right in this case. I think it was a fluke that Fountain picked Amanda to kidnap. If she was much better known it would make sense and as to why he picked her, we’ll never know. Fortunately for you, Amanda’s one of those celebrities that’s well known, but really doesn’t garner much attention other than in her ads. Now, if she was in the headlines all the time, I’d have to say you had better keep me on, but she’s not. She’s just a normal teen girl, living a normal life. Paparazzi don’t even follow her anymore. No, I think I should call my agency and request a new client. As much as I’ve come to love Amanda, almost like a sister, I think it’s time to move on,” Sofia replied.
“What about your heart throb?” I teased.
Sofia blushed before she answered.
“I’m sure Bob will understand. Just because I move doesn’t mean we have to break off what we have. It’ll just be a little more difficult.”
“What do you think, Amanda?” Mom asked.
“I’ll be okay. I can still punch the lights out of anyone that bothers me.”
“That you can little sister.”
It was then when Sofia called me her little sister, it hit me that Sofia was leaving. She knew my darkest secret and never let it bother her and had become my big sister. I went to her and took her in my arms and held her tight. Sofia is a girl who doesn’t like hugging and touchy feely, but this time she hugged me back. I felt a tear run from her eye and land on my shoulder. She was showing emotion that I had never seen before. I’d seen anger and happiness, even a few blushes, but never sadness before. My eyes were already damp and I’m sure her blouse was getting just as wet as mine.
“I love you Sofia,” I whispered.
“Honey, it’s been so long that I’ve felt this way for anyone, but you’ve found your way into my heart, little girl. I love you little sis, and don’t you forget it. If you don’t call me at least once a day to let me know you’re alright, I’ll have Bob come by and arrest you for scaring me, you hear?”
“I hear, but why do big sisters always pick on their little sisters like that?”
“Because we love you.”
Sofia stayed through the following week and then was sent on assignment in Paris. It was a tearful goodbye, but we knew it was best for Sofia. Even our big bad Sherriff’s Deputy had tears in his eyes. Bob and Sofia really had fallen for each other in a big time way. I wondered if love could overcome her travels and living in New York City, for them to have any kind of future? Time would tell.
My sixteenth birthday is fast approaching and we all know what that means? Well I know what it means, but apparently Mrs. Meyer has a different idea, surgery to complete my journey from boy to girl.
Sixteen is the time for a teen to finally get a license to drive, not have surgery to change one’s sex. I know there are a few girls who have had their surgery at sixteen, but I don’t want to be one of them. To be perfectly honest, when Gloria suggested the operation, I felt violated.
“Amanda, you’re going to turn sixteen in a few months and I’ve looked into having surgery to complete your journey to Amanda. You certainly have the money for the operation and there’s no reason for you to put it off until you’re eighteen,” she said, on one of the rare days I was able to spend time with Cindy.
My mouth fell open at what she said, even Cindy was shocked by her mother’s statement.
“Mom, how can you say such a thing?”
“I’m just trying to do what’s best for Amanda. If she has the operation, she will no longer worry about discovery. She could stand naked in Times Square and no one would ever guess she was anything other than a woman.”
‘’God, that’s so gross,” I said.
“Standing naked in Time’s Square.”
“Amanda, that’s just a figure of speech, no one is suggesting that you really do that. All I’m doing is stating the obvious, can you truthfully tell me that you might want to return to being Mark, ever again?”
I lowered my eyes from Gloria’s, knowing she could see right through me if I didn’t state what she and Cindy already knew, I had become Amanda and as hard as I tried to think otherwise, I knew Mark had long been buried. Was discovery important enough to have the surgery so soon? What if I did change my mind after the operation, then what?
If I was to go ahead with the surgery I wouldn’t have to worry about a boy finding the wrong plumbing should his hand accidently touch the wrong thing? I’m not even dating, so what difference would it make? I know for sure the operation is in my future, but not now.
“Mrs. Meyer, I know you’re just looking out for my best interest, but I think I’ll wait until I’m eighteen.”
Gloria knew I was right with my decision, but her disappointment showed on her face. She’s a hard business woman and the possible discovery of my real sex could jeopardize a very nice income for her from my good fortune. Yes I wanted to be a real girl, my hormone treatments proved that, but I just wasn’t ready to rid myself of the last bit of Mark that I still clung to. After our conversation the subject was never brought up again.
Not a lot happened after the conversation, but I did pass my driving test and I now have a driver’s license and the sex square is marked with an F, just one more step toward becoming a woman.
Don’t get me wrong, I love being a girl and every little step pleases me more than you could know, its just that I worry that I’m making all the wrong decisions. Everything has been too easy for me and I’ve had pressure put on me to make decisions I might not have wanted to make at the time. My father’s accident and a new school are just two that I can think of. Both influenced the direction I have taken, but the longer I’ve remained a girl the more I find the road I’m traveling to be the one I want to continue on. My beauty and popularity have also had influences making transition easier for me. I hope I don’t sound conceited, but I know if I wasn’t as pretty as I am, well, I wouldn’t be a model and probably would still be a boy, so I’m very conflicted as to whether I really want to be a girl?
My lashes and beauty can be a very seductive force in ones life. Every twist in the road can bring consequences that can’t be undone.
It all started so innocently, just a dab of mascara on my lashes, on my mother’s pretty little boy. Discovery our little secret by my best friend, just a little thing with my mother that didn’t mean anything except when Cindy told her mother how pretty the boy down the street was. Wear these clothes and makeup, just a few times a month, no one is actually asking you to be a girl. Finally the words that sealed my fate, “Where’s my daughter?” Then came the new school and having to attend as a girl and live as one 24/7. I could do that because I was influenced by popularity and I liked the way Amanda was treated. I became the girl I portrayed, except I was still a boy and had a boy’s figure. I wanted to be just like the other girls as I now thought of myself as a girl and a girl’s puberty made sense. I wanted to really be a girl and so another turn in the road came and so did the hormones. Amanda was becoming a real girl and loving every minute of it. Sports, boys modeling, clothes, what more could a girl want? But I’m not really a girl, oh I look and act like one, but I know better and until that final turn in the road, I’ll still be a girl with the wrong plumbing.
I started my Junior year and drive to school, alone. Melisa graduated and Sofia has moved on. I miss the interaction we girls had riding to and from school. The only thing I do like is being able to drive the Beemer myself. I guess I’m becoming spoiled.
I won Homecoming Princess again and since I’m still not dating, Paul Raines was my escort to the dance. I kind of like Paul and hope he would like to maybe consider going on a real date.
I joined the cross country running team to keep in shape for soccer season. I did pretty well and our team won the league. I was the third fastest runner on the team. I made first team all star for soccer this year and some interest from colleges have come my way. I want to attend school on an academic scholarship, not an athletic one, so I’m not all that impressed with the attention, but it is flattering.
My modeling career has sky rocketed. I work less, but make more money. Mrs. Meyer negotiated my fees and like she said, “If they’re willing to pay, why not get the most you can while you’re able to.” Working less has given me more time to study and I’m carrying a 4.0 average and with my outside activities, Stanford is almost guaranteed.
Now I must tell you about Sofia. She and Bob have really fallen for each other big time. Bob asked her to move in with him and she accepted. She gave up her lease in New York City and is now living in Auburn with Bob. She visits every now and then and the relationship has agreed with her. She just shines when you see her. Bob is a really good man and I wouldn’t be all that surprised if he was to ask her to marry.
Relocating hasn’t been a problem because she can fly out of Sacramento and be anywhere in the world in 24 hours. Bob doesn’t like that her job is so dangerous, but he accepts that her work is part of her personality. She wouldn’t be Sofia without it.
Cindy has picked up more modeling assignments, which makes her mother pleased as punch. We still find time to share our most intimate thoughts and spend time together at our special tree in the meadow. Watching our birds nesting has become a very special part of our lives.
My senior year was pretty much the previous year. I won Home coming Queen and was escorted by Calvin Waters, the quarterback on the football team. The team almost won the league but fell short by one game, oh well.
I was first team all star again and have been offered a soccer scholarship to Pepperdine University. They’re one of the power houses in College soccer, but I have my heart set on Stanford.
Speaking of Stanford, I received my scholarship, academic, thank you. I’m to start school in September.
Not a lot happened during my senior year except that I finally decided to have the surgery. I knew I would never go back to being a boy again so it didn’t make sense to keep the last bit of Mark on my body. The operation would take place after graduation.
I decided I wanted the best and she was practicing near Stanford. I won’t take a bunch of time detailing the operation, except to say it isn’t a walk in the park. There was pain and getting to know my new fixture. Dilating isn’t fun and to be quite honest, I hate doing it, but it’s a chore that can’t be ignored. I can say though that I do look spectacular in a string bikini, which is something I couldn’t dream of wearing before the operation.
School started and I went whole hog into college life. I joined a sorority and loved living with the girls. They of course were not impressed with a model living with them. I joined the soccer team as a walk on and made first team. I love Stanford and the life I now live. I really don’t go on assignment anymore other than for Lush and several high-end designers. To be honest I don’t have time to model with studies and soccer. I love the parties and the rest that make college such a wonderful experience.
My father has pretty much gotten as far as he can with his therapy. He only uses one cane now and he takes me fishing every summer. We still clean the fish and Mom cooks them and I’ve come to realize that I don’t have to be a boy to have a special relationship with my father.
I mentioned that I wanted to become a doctor, an Orthopedic Surgeon to be exact and I fulfilled my dream. Ten years after entering college and serving an internship I was added as a resident to the Orthopedic Clinic at Stanford Hospital.
Thinking back, all I can say is that my life has been blessed. I made a ton of money when I was younger and achieved my dream of becoming a surgeon. There isn’t much I would have changed from the first time my mother put mascara on my lashes to my graduation from Stanford. I’ve become at peace with my change of gender and I’ve been dating a wonderful man for the last two years. We’re deeply in love and he knows my complete history so the gender change isn’t a problem, and what the heck, he stills tells all his male friends that he scored with the face of Lush Cosmetics. “Lucky boy,” I tease.
What the future will bring, only God knows the answer to that and all I can do is give thanks for being one of the luckiest girls in the world.
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