Charlotte is now a eligible young lady of breeding; her fiancée William has just asked for her hand in marriage telling Lady Arabella that he knows that Charlotte was not born a girl but he does not care, as he truly loves her. Soon his Regiment must return to the bloody peninsular war against Napoleon and he is fully aware that he could be away for years.

Mama sat back and sighed looking at the two of us with a sigh she replied, “So William you think you know why I do not want you to marry Charlotte?”
Mama looked perturbed as she asked this.

“Lady Arabella I do not think, I know - I know that Charlotte was not born a girl!” I gasped and looked at him.
He looked at me with that look of love and adoration in his eyes.

Mama took all this in and answered, “And if I do not give you permission you will ruin Charlottes reputation!”

William straightened looking mama in the eye retorted, “Madam if you were a man I would offer you out for satisfaction as you do me ill.”

For once mama dropped her eyes and sighed, “I am sorry William please forgive me.”
William gave a stiff bow and carried on, “Lady Arabella there is nothing to forgive no doubt you were upset at my words.”

Mama bowed in an apology and William continued, “I have said before that I would never do anything to hurt dear Charlotte her secret will go with me to the grave. I know it will be a very unorthodox marriage but it is a marriage that I want because I love her dearly!”

I started to move from one leg to the other (as I still do when I am excited). Mama noticed and said, “Charlotte a lady does not fidget!” “Sorry mama” I contritely replied.

Mama sat there thinking finally she looked at William and said, “William I thank you for your consideration and as long as you fully understand the limitations of your marriage I will consent to your request and will speak to Edward on your behalf.”

I ran to mama and hugged her saying, “Thank you mama, oh thank you!” “Charlotte really” mama remonstrated “Please remember you manners.” “Sorry mama” I said as I stepped back.
When I turned and looked at William he had a beaming smile of his face, which must have matched the smile I had.

William answered mama saying, “I fully understand and I will set your mind at rest by pledging to you that I will love and cherish Charlotte and do nothing to hurt her for the rest of our lives.”

Mama inclined her head answering, “I could ask for nothing more – now shall we take refreshments and I can speak with Edward.
We retired to the withdrawing room and mama ordered refreshments for the four of us.

I sat next to William while mama sat opposite (even though we were nearly betrothed we still could not touch until Edward agreed)
My brother Edward entered shortly before the refreshment and mama recounted that William had indeed asked for my hand in marriage and she (mama) had agreed providing Edward agreed.

Edward looked at the two of us sitting there and commented, “From the look on your faces I am assuming the two of you are happy? “Oh yes dear Edward” I simply couldn’t help myself.
Then in that case as mama has given her consent I too wish you all the happiness.
(My brother had no idea as to my true sex all he knew was that I was his beloved sister.)

The very next day William came to my house and in front of mama offered me an engagement ring heavily inspired by the language of gems.
It was a gold band with a central emerald (for love and chastity) surrounded by small pearls (purity and innocence) interspersed with tiny onyx (reciprocal love).
He had clearly been thinking about this for some time as this ring was specially made for me.

He slipped it on my finger and I was betrothed apart from the formalities of the two families meeting and dining together this would be an easy process as our families were very close – I simply could not wait to tell Annabelle and Clarissa.

I didn’t have to wait as later that same day I received two visitors namely my two friends Annabelle had found out when Edward contacted her Father about the betrothal and of course she just had to tell Clarissa hence the visit.
They were both so excited for me Annabelle especially because I was going to be her sister-in-law.

For the dinner between the two families mama decreed that I should organise everything for it.
Traditionally the lady of the house (mama) organised the evening while the man (Edward) of the house took care of the beverages.

Needless to say I was working under mama’s eagle eye, as everything would reflect on her reputation.
The dinner party was for 12 people and started at 4pm dining at 5pm with a light supper at 11pm!

Mama allowed me to engage a string quartet for music throughout. So my task was to arrange the entertainment, speak to the cooks about the menu for both dinner and supper, send out the formal invitations and ensure that the dinner table was correctly laid.

This put everything I had learned over the last 8 years into practice and mama only had to intervene once when I tried to be a bit ambitious with one of the main courses.

I am so pleased to say that my betrothal dinner was well received by all this was by the number of compliments mama received over the quality and selection of foods and the table decorations and appearance.
I was exceedingly happy but after the worries leading up to the evening very weary.

Now we were betrothed we could become a bit more intimate we could stroll out alone, hold hands in public and take unchaperoned rides.
A hand around the waist, a chaste kiss, a pressing of the hand were allowed. We could also visit alone behind closed doors.
But we had to be dutifully separated by nightfall or overnight at country parties.

The first time we went out alone it felt wonderful and when he kissed me on my cheek I nearly swooned as I had been waiting five years for this.
Now I only had to wait until I was 21 another 3 years or so.

The next few months were for me a time of exceeding joy. William was with me when he could manage the time.
As by now his regiment was fully manned ready to return to Portugal and the war and did so in May 1809 when the 95th embarked to return to Portugal

I could now spend time with my future family by marriage as well as my own and this worked both ways as Annabelle could spend time at my house.
All this was for me to get to know Williams family, as I would be living close by them once we were married.

At the end of the season we moved back to the country having agreed that Annabelle and Clarissa would come to our hall for the hunting season. And we would spend Christmas with Lady Beaufort and Clarissa.

This was a very exciting phase of my life but I had to discuss something with mama and it was an extremely delicate subject - namely me having babies!
Of course I had an idea how animals reproduced you could not miss a ram tupping or a bull mounting but they were animals.
At church we were taught that human beings were not animals so now I wondered exactly how............

Mama told William that I could never have babies but Mother Boville said that I would develop like any other girl and I had undergone the operation so why could I not have babies?
It took me weeks to build up the courage to ask mama – we were busy sewing when I asked.
It must have taken mama completely by surprise as she pricked her finger with her sewing needle.

Mother gave a sigh then said, “I wondered when you would ask this my dear.”
“Mama mother Boville said that I would grow like a girl – so I have but you say that I can never have babies.”
The thought of now being able to give William a son and heir really upset me and I started weeping quietly.
Mother came and sat next to me took me in her arms to soothe my agitation.

Finally she said, “My dear to have children a woman is born very different to a man you were born male so you do not have the means of getting with child – I am so sorry for you.”
“I simply do not understand mama I have breasts why cannot I have a child!”

Mama sighed again, Charlotte my dear it is true you have developed into a comely young lady but you simply were not born to have children – I am so sorry my dear.
Then she sat for a while considering something - finally she told me, “Come with me my dear.”

We left the sitting room and went upstairs to mama’s bedchamber where mama did something most unusual. She undressed before me with me releasing her from her gown down to her chemise and drawers then she bade me to do the same.

Finally she showed me the difference between the two of us. I was blushing a deep crimson as I had never seen mama in this state of undress but finally I understood why I could never have children.
I was distraught William could never have an heir I could not give him what a wife should.

Between my racking sobs I declared, “Mama I cannot wed William it simply would not be fair on him for I cannot give him a heir.”

Mama took me by the shoulders and shook me, “Charlotte look at me.” My head was sunk low on my chest as I sobbed my heart out.
Mama shook me again demanding that I look at her. Finally my years of being trained into a docile young lady took over and slowly I looked at mama.

I could see tears running down her face and the look of compassion. She still held me by my shoulders and told me, “Do not be silly Charlotte! William is fully aware that you can never have children – remember I asked him if he fully understood what marrying you entailed!”

I looked at mama and sobbed, “Really Mama?” My mother looked steadily at me answering, “Really Charlotte it is you he loves - and I believe he truly loves you as he knows that you can never give birth.”
I took all this in which was difficult as I was totally distraught still crying I asked weakly, “Are you sure mama really sure?”

Mama answered steadily, “I am sure my dear. Remember what he said the day I agreed to your betrothal.”
I shook my head and admitted, “Not everything mama I was just so happy.”

Mama smiled saying, “Yes you were happy my child and radiant but I remember so very well.

William said ‘I know it will be a very unorthodox marriage but it is a marriage that I want because I love her dearly’!”

Mama quoting what William had said brought everything flooding back and I realised that he had fully understood what marrying me really meant and he was willing to loose the chance of being a father for the love of me!

As I contemplated this, the realisation came to me that it was me he loved above everything this caused my heart to fill with unconditional love.

Mama looked at me as the realisation dawned within me. With a look of amazement I gasped, “He really does love me does he not mama.”

She nodded and hugged me to her breast stroking my hair and quietly told me, “Yes my child I think he does – you have been so very lucky to find a man so selfless!”

We remained like this for some time while I composed myself eventually mama suggested that we dressed as I fastened her into her Morning Dress she stopped me saying, “Shall we got for a ride my dear as it’s such a nice day?”

For me this was a splendid idea as going into the country on horseback was like medicine to me.
So mama took her gown off and put on her bottle green riding habit then giving me a wrap I went to get changed carrying my gown while mama got the groom to make ready our horses.

As I donned my dark blue woollen riding habit I mulled over what I had learnt this morning and made a pledge to myself that I would speak to William giving him the chance to change his mind. Then if he was still certain he wanted to marry me I would make him so very proud of me.

Meeting mother in the hall we went outside and our horses were waiting – the grooms must have worked exceedingly hard to saddle and make ready the two beasts.
We climbed the mounting block and arranged our skirts around us then we set off at a steady walk.

As we rode my worries evaporated mama asked, “Do you feel better dear heart?” With a beaming smile I answered, “Oh yes mama things look so much different when you are out riding and thank you for this morning.”

“My darling it was the least I could do after all I moulded you into what you are now.”

I took this in and with a gentle smile I retorted, “And I thank you mama I simply would not change anything NOW I am so happy.”

Mama looked thoughtful and asked, “You would not change anything?”
I thought for a while then answered, “Well one thing I must admit,” “And what may that be” mother enquired.

With a rueful smile I replied, “I wish I could have children but that can never be so I must be content with my lot and make William a wife to be proud of.”

Mama looked fondly at me finally said, “I am so very proud of what you have become Charlotte and I know that William is proud of you now.”

With these final words we rode on never to mention the subject again mama knew that I was so very happy to be Charlotte and I knew that I had made the correct choice when I was 9 years old things simply felt right.

Historical Note: - In today’s society people will be amazed at the naivety of generations ago. It is true that people knew how animals conceived – but these were animals with the thinking and religion of the time humans were not animals they were above the animal hence the furore caused by Charles Darwin.
Girls would enter marriage with just the rudimentary knowledge of what to do. For many sex was a brutal surprise which became was a chore as in many cases it certainly was not a pleasure the whole idea was to produce as many children as possible in the hope that some would survive.
Childbirth itself was dangerous for the woman and child and the infant mortality rate was huge especially with the ‘lower classes’.

The Engagement Process. Once the finances of both parties were scrutinized and agreed to – (remember most marriages were a business arrangement between the families Charlotte was one of the lucky one’s as her’s was for love.)
The mother of the bride hosted a dinner party once the engagement was announced. The purpose of this dinner was to introduce the fiancé to his bride's family. A more formal evening party may have followed. Once the groom had been introduced to bride's family, the bride was then introduced to his. This could be a very trying time for a young girl, as a mother-in-law's eye was often critical.
After the engagement was announced to the family, the bride wrote to the rest of her friends with the news. At the same time, her mother wrote to the elders of these families
The engagement was finalized with a ring. The size and stone depended upon the groom's finances. They could be in the form of a love knot, a simple band, or a band embedded with different stones.
William fast tracked this part of the process as he knew that soon his regiment would be re-joining the war and that he could be away for years.
If the engagement was broken the girl suffered the consequences of a ruined reputation because of her previous behaviour.
Charlotte was willing to risk this by giving William the chance to break the engagement.
A honourable man never broke an engagement so as not to cause the girl discomfiture.
As callous as all this sounds there was true romance and love in these marriages why else did samples of heart-rending verses and flowery cards last through the ages for us to ponder and dream over?
Perhaps it was these very constraints and rules that made true love all the more special to those who found it. For lucky were the ones who found love within their class, and within the approval of their families.
Yet even those marriages that did not begin with love, often ended in a deep, endearing attachment that would be envied by many these days.