Chapter 3 - Some Quick Thinking

 
Paula
It's funny how white objects seem to fluoresce under the LED streetlamps they use around the warehouses. Standing there sweating in the warm summer night while listening to the other intruder moaning in the background, I could see the bright white bra around my partner Titus' chest like it was Day-Glo from my misspent youth. No black-light was needed, but there certainly was a surreal quality of the scene like that which had dominated so many parties when I was young and stupid.

He must have skidded when he landed, because his pants were somewhere around his thighs and he sure as heck wasn't going to any hip-hop bash. The pink lace of the panties stood out almost as clearly as the white bra.

"You OK, Titus?" I asked inanely.

"Uhhh…" came the reply, just about the same time as the police sirens sounded in the distance.

"Talk to me, buddy. You OK?"

"Uhhh… Oh shit!"

He must have been coherent as he finally noticed he was shirtless.

"I wouldn't recommend doing that right now or you'll mess up your pretty panties."

"Ouch!" came the answer. Not in response to my attempt at humor but because he tried to move his arm. It didn't look quite right, I figured he had dislocated the shoulder on landing.

"Don't try to move, Titus. I think you've dislocated your shoulder. It's going to hurt, but I'm going to try to get that bra off you before anyone else gets here. We want the perps spread all across the news and not the rent-a-cops."

Talk about your surreal experiences. Back in the day I had had several people help me remove my bra at those black-light parties, but this was the first time I had tried to remove a bra from a man. Doing so behind a dumpster by streetlight while hoping the cops took a while longer to get there just added to the fun and games. I finally unhooked the thing and managed to get over his shoulders. I quickly folded it up and stuck it in one of the many pockets my uniform came equipped with.

"I'll give it back, but I figure me having a bra in my pocket would be a whole hell of a lot easier to explain than you having a bra in your pocket. Hold tight and I'm going to try and sit you up."

The sirens were very close and started dying. The cops would be here any second. Clenching his teeth, I got Titus sitting. Grandmothers do a lot of hefting of grandchildren who don't remember they are no longer lightweight babies. Titus was a small man, but still…

"Catch your breath, buddy, and we try to get you on your feet. While they're really pretty sexy panties, let's not show them off. You're going to have to tell me where you got them when all the shouting's over."

"I… don't… believe… this!" he ground out between clenched teeth.

"Well, it ain't exactly covered in the company handbook, is it? You're my partner and that means we support one another. Kinda like a bra supporting boobs, if that analogy doesn't gross you out."

He made no reply, so I heaved and up he came; he had recovered enough to help a little or I probably couldn't have done it. Balancing him I gave a quick tug to his pants and he was no longer flashing his panties to the world.

"We need a little help over here!" I shouted in the direction of the flashlights approaching us. "There's a guy down over by the stairs that was trying to break into the building. I think he busted a leg and he won't be going anywhere."

Naturally, I didn't know any of the cops that night, so we got to repeat our stories over and over. They had a bit of trouble with having the Sasquatch tossing my partner about, but the torn shirt and dislocated shoulder did support our story, as did the hole cut into the chain link. Then our bosses arrived and we told the story again, and repeated it when the people who worked in the building arrived.

I had been right, the clanking and clattering as my guy rolled down the stairs was a set of burglar tools. Pretty sophisticated burglar tools, it seemed. These guys were no amateurs, even if they managed to miss the second camera.

By the time all the hoopla was over, Titus was looking pretty washed out. He obviously couldn't drive and needed medical attention, so off he went in an ambulance with me following in my Grannymobile, headed for the nearest ER. He tried to object, but that shoulder needed looking at pronto. It finally dawned on me that his problem was more with his underpants than his shoulder. How many times had his mother insisted he put on clean underwear because you never knew when you were going to end up in the hospital?

Sitting there waiting for a doctor in those awful plastic chairs, I said "Relax, Titus, Daughter number one is a nurse and the stories she's told about the strange things patients come in wearing would curl you hair. Pink panties on a man doesn't even make the top 100. Besides, it's your shoulder - not you ass - that needs looking at. Not that you don't have a nice ass, but I'm too old to get too excited about it."

"How the hell can you be so calm and cool about all this?" he asked in wonder.

"I'll explain some night when no dumb criminal is trying to break up our little all night tea party by breaking and entering. For now, just say I've lead a very strange life and not much gets me upset. A guy with a bra doesn't even make the top 500 in my book. Besides, you just might make a decent girl if you set your mind to it."

"I… I…"

"No time now, looks like they dug up a doctor. I'll give you a hand getting up. Try to keep the screaming low enough that they don't call the cops, we've seen enough of them so far tonight."

"It's morning, Paula."

"So it is. Up you go!"

He didn't scream too loudly, at least until they gave his arm a sharp yank and a squishy pop announced the shoulder was no longer dislocated. They rolled him away into some modern torture chamber to take pictures of the inside of his shoulder and pronounced him fit to go home. Then came the zinger: "Don't use that arm for anything for a few days, then be careful so you don't tear out anything until it's healed. At least it's your left arm, so that should help."

"I'm a lefty."

"Oh. Is there anyone who can help you for a few days until it starts to heal?"

"I live alone."

"That's a shame. Let me get you the contacts for some home care services before you go."

The nurse bustled off and Titus looked like he was about to collapse. It had been a long night and now this!

"Well partner, looks like we're going to get to know each other a bit better. I have a room suitable for grandchildren to visit and you're just about the age of my grandkids. You're welcome to stay until you can shift for yourself."

"Paula, you can't!"

"Why not? Living alone gets to be tedious after forty years of raising kids and household chaos. Want to be an adopted grandson?"

"You're crazy!"

"OK, how about an adopted granddaughter?"

"Paula!"

"Hey - far be it from me to discourage someone who wants to change sides and join the winning team."

"You make it sound like a baseball game!"

"I hope not. Baseball is downright boring. You ever think of taking up Ice Ballet or something like that? Those little short skirts can be pretty sexy."

"You're crazy!"

"Never denied it. You're welcome to stay until you can use the arm. Brian gave us both a few days off after last night, he's a good boss."

"Would it do me any good to say no?"

"Not in the slightest. I'm driving so you have to go where I take you."

"La-la land?"

"Over the rainbow, my friend. Just watch out for those bluebirds - they look cute but they shit on you from the trees."