Miss Judged

It’s a mistake to believe just in one god – there’s lots of them – Ahriman to Zeus – take your pick! . And it also means that people other than mere humans roam the world. Demi-gods for example. People of Power. And they have feelings. You annoy such people at risk. And with risk comes retribution, revenge and remarkable outcomes …………….. for Tim his self-centred attitude meant a risk of some big changes. And he thought it was just bad luck! Silly boy.

---

Tim Woolston sat in his office, tilting and swivelling his office chair to catch a glance at the river to the left. He was feeling good today. Tuesday afternoon wasn’t even the middle of the week - but almost all of the required work was done. The paper in-tray was amazingly empty; the computer in-tray, still beeping, but as empty as it ever got. All the work had been dealt with - almost. Sent away or downwards or even upwards where necessary. The only remaining issues were in the long-term pile.

He recalled a story from a navy chum of his dad’s. There’s three ways to do your decisions he had joked ‘Aye aye’, ‘no no’ and ‘waiting too difficult’. There was something wonderful when even that tray was empty – and today that wasn’t quite yet. Tim looked again at the five fat folders. The five fat f-awful jobs which someone had suddenly decided were frantically important. Three of them had been there for quite a lot more than a few days – maturing. Waiting for the insight which would allow them to be passed on.

He also remembered his father’s more considered advice – the D6 System. ‘If there’s an issue to get sorted then Deal with it, Delete it, Delay it if you need more information, Delegate it or Dismantle it into smaller pieces which can be dealt with’ but always Decide.’

His own D7 system had worked well – he had added Delegate Up as a very occasional option. But recently a change had come over Tim’s whole life. He didn’t understand it. He didn’t like it – mostly because it seemed a little outside his control. Tim liked being in control.

He looked at the folders. He knew them well. Suddenly, he made decisions on the top two. The first file could be delegated to his new assistant by being described as ‘a project to test the range of skills you’ve learnt in the last six months’; phew, one done. The second – pass upwards with the message, ‘there has been no further contact regarding this item from any of the five parties in nearly a year; I believe this is now inert until anything arrives.’ Wow – he was on a roll. The third, the fourth, the fifth - ……. until under the fifth fat folder was a thin and unexpected sixth. Time passed and two hours after he had been due to finish, there was still just one. This one folder left which he had no recollection of seeing before.

Tim had no idea why or how this had arrived on his desk. What on earth was this? He was being asked to make suggestions about other departments where there were or might be problems due to discrimination. He had no expertise in relationships and even less understanding of how to fix them. Who could he throw this at? Why were HR not dealing with it? What did he know about Discrimination. He knew he wasn’t guilty of doing it – well no more than was typical of a white male of his age and upbringing. Why him? Why now?

He wondered if that strange event at church had any relationship to what was happening.

THE MISTAKE

He had sat through a sermon of quite appalling dullness. The first gospel-based topic had been of little interest, then the preacher had gone off at tangents of increasingly dreary and boring tediosity. Dreadful. He hadn’t quite fallen asleep but like many others had been determined to get out of the church to find something more interesting as soon as possible.

He had been bumped as he squeezed through the porch. In turn he had bumped a small elderly woman who had been pushed hard into a sharp outcrop, clearly rather painfully. Unfortunately, still irritated, he had let some of his anger out on the woman. “Why didn’t you look where you were going. It wasn’t my fault so don’t think of blaming ….’

He paused as the woman stood up straight and aimed her glittering black eyes up at him. “Be silent with your unwelcome behaviour and your ugly comments. You know the truth. For in truth, nobody was to blame although all could have been more careful and generous – you amongst them. And you are well aware that at my size and age, it behoves others to be watchful on my behalf. You unfeeling male, clearly I can’t call you a gentleman. I think it is necessary for YOU to pay better attention to your surroundings. So, I tell you – you will become more aware. I give you this as a gift. You will learn to be more attentive, more watchful, more sensitive to the plight of others. And as you learn your life may alter. It is for you to live and listen and learn. I will pray for you. Since you are clearly at this moment not a gentleman, it will be interesting to see what changes are demanded of you. Let’s see what happens if you have some interesting and unusual new concerns. As I say, I shall pray for you – and as one has written ‘sometimes the gods’ most unwelcome gifts come in answer to prayer’. As things happen, think about Fate, and Luck, and wonder. In your un-gentlemanly way.”

What she said certainly wasn’t a blessing, that was sure. But neither did it feel like a curse. It had all the underlying complexities of a promise. Perhaps a hint of the Chinese proverb ‘May you live in interesting times’.

He watched as she went round the corner. Limping slightly, perhaps from the bump, perhaps because she had a stout black cane. Somehow he felt that she cast a sort of multiple shadow. Weird. And she had a black streak at the side of her hair. ‘A sort of reverse-badger’ he thought to himself – Tim sniggered.

A murmur came on the wind ‘Ugly thoughts make ugly people. For you, there may be other changes.’

The weekend passed like most weekends. Interaction with some chums, mostly male, evenings with a smaller selection of mates, sometimes male, sometimes female. But something seemed awry, skew, off-centre.

Tuesday evening came the first intimation that something was actually adrift. He was with Kathy, David and Susie. Somewhat of a foursome but with no definite intent, as far as he knew, by himself or Kathy.

It was Kathy who told him that he was sometimes a bit boring.

“Oh. Sorry, that’s a bit of a shock. I’d never …. Sorry, that was a bit of a shock to be told that.”

“Come on, Tim. You know that you’re sometimes a bit stuck on your own views. Y’know, not really ready to take any notice of anything different. When was the last time you changed your mind. Heck, can you remember the FIRST time you changed your mind. No, that’s got to be a bit unfair. But you are pretty stuck in the mud. Not so?”

“Of course I can change my mind. I often do, in fact.”

“So – give us an example of this mind-changing habit you believe you indulge in.”

There was a pause, “You’re sort of right. I know I do change my mind, I’m sure is do. But I can’t think of any examples right now, but I do accept my habit is to stick to what I know and what I believe in. Is that wrong?”

Perhaps the silence should have been a warning.

Susie added her voice, “Come on, give us an example of a recent change. When did you last have anything other than a short back and sides? Do you ever wear a striped shirt? A coloured shirt? A non-cotton shirt? A waistcoat maybe? And that’s just your wardrobe and outward appearance.”

Then David. “Tim, when did you last change your opinion about something? I don’t actually know your views on …..oooh, let’s pick a subject. The Catholics in Northern Ireland. The determination of Republicans and Democrats to find nothing in common. Gun Control? Or let’s really raise the stakes – Abortion – you’re not a woman but you would be allowed a voice if you had a worthwhile opinion; or Vegetarians – I do know you’ve said some pretty rude things about them, Immigrants, Catholic Priests, maybe Black Policemen, Gypsies. I’m sure you’ve got opinions on most of that. And for a humorous finale, talk to us about Political Correctness or Health & Safety. Fun for all of us.””

“My turn,” said Kathy. “Let’s talk about girls, sex, gender – and all that. All those issues where there may be, huh, ‘may be’ institutional discrimination. I seem to remember you had some pretty intolerant words about, let’s use your ugly words ’poofters and perverts of that sort’ – until you found out my brother is married to David – and they have two adopted children and, well, etc. What’s your newest view on homosexuals – or on transgender say. I bet you’ve got some pretty firm, well more actually ugly, opinions on them. Would your normal comment be ‘what’s between your legs can’t change’. You might be a little more up-to-date and say ‘I know surgery can make a pretend-fanny but it doesn’t change the reality’. So, dearie, what’s your analysis of ‘reality’ for trans people?”

“Can I say ‘eeek’ and then add ‘until this morning I hadn’t really given it too much of a thought.”

“I can believe that – not even a whole thought, ha.”

For some strange reason, the topics of prejudice, stereotyping, extremism and sundry similar topics took up the rest of the evening. What was more amazing was that the wide-ranging discussion involved almost no argument and only short bursts of emotion despite several of them having quite significant differences of opinion. It was as if ‘someone’ had demanded that opinions be expressed but that there be an overall rule of ‘when in doubt we will agree to differ’.

Towards the end of the evening, Judy commented on this. “If everybody was able to talk like this on matters of grievous opinion but yet without getting too emotional – then what a surprise that would be. To my amazement, this cultural dinosaur has made some sensible comments as well as admitting that he is some decades out of date. You get a small ‘well done’ for that, Tim dear.”

“Having a sensible discussion and a well-tempered exchange of views wouldn’t be much good on telly. And lots of MPs and opinion-makers wouldn’t have a thing to say.”

“At least we’re not trying to find an agreement or ‘the truth’. That’d be worse. Even the new Tim would have some difficulty there. Hey.”

Tim grunted. There had been just too many comments that he wanted to agree with but something kept telling him to shut up and listen. Old Tim would have been quite brutal in his opinions and his criticisms of what he saw as wrong ie not in agreement with him. But his ears had been busy listening – and he was just beginning to think maybe his views had been, just a trifle, oversimplified.

---------------------------------------

As usual, the next day was Wednesday and Tim got a surprise call from above – the floor where his boss worked.

“Interesting problem in the office, Tim. I wonder if you could spare some time to talk it over with me.” In the office such wording did not mean ‘when you can spare some time’ but rather ‘now – unless extraordinarily inconvenient.

Tim tried his best. “Can you can wait five minutes while I get to a stopping point?”

“Five, yes but three would be better!” Tim realized now meant NOW.

In not many moments, Tim was being welcomed and seated. Not the usual arrangement – oh dear.

“We’ve had a new HR manager arrive last week. You probably won’t have noticed. The outcome of the interviews we’ve been conducting – it’s all a bit strange. She says it’s got nothing to do with quotas, rules about minorities or anything like that but the outcome of the interviews is that the best candidates we’ve had for several jobs all, or almost all, have some unusual note on their personal file. We’re going to have to plan ahead. Some of the company rules on discrimination and so on are going to be stretched like a rubberband. There’s someone joining on Monday and three people joining in two weeks time – and we’ve got to be ready. It seems there’s a new department being set up to start a new project in France – and that will, or should, grow to about 8 people quite quickly. There’s going to be quite a lot of new faces in the next three months.”

“And this affects me exactly how?”

“Tim, I think you’d be willing to admit that you’ve got a fairly restricted upbringing. I mean, when we’ve talked it’s very clear that you’re straight down the line as regards white, anglo-saxon, protestant, well-off, privately educated, well-spoken, intelligent, top-line college man doing well at sports too, maybe a little drama to widen the scope. You’re absolutely a non-minority man. You probably haven’t actually spoken properly with anyone who is outside a single one of those boxes. When was the last time you spoke with a black guy except to say ‘Park my car’, eh? Or with an Asian, Mexican, Indian – either sort. Have you ever conversed with a homeless guy, a shop assistant. What would you talk about with a Catholic, a Jew, a Hindu, a Buddhist – you’re locked into your boxes, man. How about a gay guy?”

“I often talk with Gary, y’know over coffee or whatever.”

“What, Gary in Accounts, with the fancy shirts and all. The one with three kids and a wife who makes shirts professionally – he’s a walking advert for his wife’s new business for crying out loud. He’s not gay.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, ‘oh’. You don’t have a clue who and what is out there. So how would you even notice that discrimination is happening in front of your eyes. Come to think of it, just by being so unnoticing, you could easily be accused of that grubby catch-all-they’ve invented, y’know, ‘unconscious intolerance’. Because you wouldn’t have a clue that you were doing it. And – don’t ask me why – but they’re putting YOU in charge of the new guys. Oh, the gods must love you – not. You’ve got to give these newbies an overview of what goes on here, introduce them to each of their departments, take them to training and liaise with HR and all that sort of thing. Y’know.”

“What. But I don’t ‘y know’. That’s just not what I’m ready for. How on earth …. Who on earth had this idea? It’s daft.”

“Erm, Tim. Not a good idea to suggest that a superior’s idea is daft. Let alone your superiors’ superior. This is all the way from the top. I can tell you that this is in the line of a test for you. To see how you could cope out of your comfort zone. One of the people said ‘if Tim’s stuck in a rut, then he’ll stay there. If we can get him moving, make something happen in that comfortable box he’s put himself into – then perhaps there’s a promotion at the end of it. If he’s stuck, then ….. Yep, boyo, the unstated, deadly pause. If you’re stuck in a rut, then there may be a time when it’s a dead-end road.”

“Is my whole job being threatened?”

“No – but yes, but more likely not yet. To be fair to them, I really don’t think so. But you’ve got to demonstrate that you are capable of change. This may be some sort of opportunity, Strange sort of opportunity, it seems to me – but if it gets you moving inward and upward, s’got to be a good thing, yeah?”

Tim groaned. “Yer.”

“So – in addition, you’re going to be the go-to guy if any of the new intake believe they have been discriminated against. Before it gets as far as an official complaint through to HR or beyond whichever is worse, you are supposed to sort it out and get the complainer and the complainee back in line and getting on smoothly with their allotted tasks. But this is you, Tim – I am worried that you’re not going to have a clue.”

“I’ll get some training.”

“When? The first of your newbies starts on Tuesday.”

“But it’s already Wednesday afternoon. You, they can’t do this.”

“It wasn’t my suggestion. As you imply, it was one of ‘them’. But then, from your perspective, I am one of them too. So they’re doing it already. Face up to it. You’re the man. Man up – as they say.”

“Ho hum. I need a large coffee and an hour to think.”

“I’d suggest you think quicker than that. I want a thought-out plan for how you intend to go about it. Friday is, I guess, not feasible but first thing Monday if you please.”

Tim scurried off to his office, a little quicker than usual. He had had one idea already. He hadn’t got a clue whether it was a GOOD idea, but it was the only one he had since he got the news – and the threat.

He called his friend Vivianne, who worked a few blocks away. He knew that her office was a whole bundle of minorities from the stories she told. Would there be any way he could learn something from Vivianne about how she coped with all their issues?

It was only as he picked the phone up that he thought about the risk he might be taking by exposing at least some of his prejudices to the bright light of other people’s opinions. “Hi, Vivianne. It’s Tom. I need to come over and ask you or even a few of your colleagues if they can spare me some time in the next few hours or even tomorrow. Can I come round? I’d like to catch them before they start the afternoon properly. I’ve been given a new job – not a new job but a new task on top of all the stuff I already do. It’s all a bit embarrassing really.”

“Yes, yes. You’re trying to avoid telling us –so how embarrassing can it be.”

“I’ve got to learn and become the company expert on discrimination. And this doesn’t mean just in the legalisms and so on – but somehow I’ve got to learn more than that. The file that’s landed on my desk wasn’t at all helpful. But it was clearly aimed at being a new and critical part of my job and management’s evaluation of my success at said tasks. I haven’t got a clue. You know me - middle-class sort of, middle educated, middle everything really. Okay, I’m white and male which are two big boxes of ‘don’t know about discrimination’. I’m heterosexual, not-yet middle-aged, quite well-off. What do I know about those who aren’t?”

“Interesting, Mr Thompson. Perhaps we have ways of making you learn.”

“That’s a dreadful Bond-impression – and where’s your white cat, eh?”

“This still sounds very secretive, Tim.”

“You’ll understand in a little while. I’m going to be given a job in only a few days time. I tell you, I’m feel I’m being bloody, bold and resolute and admitting that I don’t have a clue. I’m going to ask some of your people if they can give me some guidance.”

“Okay. But you’re not going to cause chaos in my office are you?”

“Furthest thing in my mind. I may be trying to avoid chaos in MY office next week. I certainly don’t want what feels like chaos coming my way.”

“I want to know more – but come over. You can’t come now but you can come in the morning. After all, we’re all there on a Thursday at about 8.00 – as it’s often a training day.”

“What about this evening?”

“Not a chance. Sorry. Got to go, see you at 8.00.”

Tim spent a lot of time on the internet that night. Studying topics such as Prejudice, Tolerance, Diversity and all the places that Serendipity took him to. Not too surprisingly, some of the places that he found were pornographic. Some of them were mucky, or yukky. Some were worse. But he managed to veer away after the necessary few moments and extra clicks to confirm that the site truly was as unattractive and vile as had seemed at first look.

FIRST STEP

By the time Tim arrived in the morning, he had a vague plan as to what to do. He went into Vivianne’s office and asked if he could speak to whichever staff were available. Including Viv, there were nine women in her department. Some were tidying up around the office, others were in the back room having a morning caffeine ingestion.

He went over to Djan, a young Nigerian girl he had met twice before. She was very pretty and Tim had asked her name and then how to spell it; he reckoned her being so pretty cancelled out the fact that she was very black. “Djan, I’m going to be very blunt, vulgar even. I’m about to be given a job dealing with discrimination and the like – and I have to say – no, that doesn’t mean anything - I completely need to say I haven’t got a clue about it. We’ve got new staff joining who apparently are very likely to have suffered regular and repeated discrimination. I’ve just had it pointed out to me that I’m in a weird and actually even in a box labelled ‘unconsciously prejudiced’. What I mean is I’ve not got a clue about it. Is it even possible to tell me what’s it like being discriminated against? How often does it happen? What’s a typical day for you like?”

“Well, Mr Woolston – you’ve just given me a new example. You’ve just treated me as different from you in that I suffer from discrimination so what you did is, in itself and twisting a bit, a form of discrimination. But I do understand your real question. I get ‘scrimmed every single day. Once, twice, ten times – you don’t keep count. It’s always there. When you expect it and sometimes it doesn’t happen – that’s nice. Then you’re not expecting it and it happens – then that hurts a little bit extra.”

“What sorts of ‘scrimming do you get.” With an effort, Tim realized this was slang for ‘discrimination’.

“Oh, I couldn’t give you every example without overloading your poor honky brain,” Djan giggled. “It just goes on an’ on. A sneer here, a sidelong glance, being ignored, being watched, just that little bit of skew in the attitude. Unless you’ve actually been there, you won’t have a clue. Sadly, some of what I feel as ‘scrimming maybe isn’t. It might be that some of it actually is just common or garden unkindness. It would be a relief to realize that they were just treating me ordinarily. I mean today, I got a reaL nasty from some guy, Arab I think by his clothes but maybe actually Egyptian.”

Djan was watching his expression. She smirked. “I mean, do you think all scrimming is white on black? You got no clue.” She called over to one of the other girls, an Asian lass who Tim thought was called Anita.

“Hey, yellow girl, honky here wants to hear stories about intolerance and nastiness. You got anything good to give him. Like, say how many nasties you got today on the way into work? Especially, did any of those coloured folk on your estate give you any gip?””

“Well, now, my choccy biscuit, ……. Hey, you see the expression on the man’s face?”

They both turned and looked at Tim and exploded into hoots of laughter. Djan was the first to be able to speak, “Hey, man. We’re just gigging you. You really don’t have a clue do you? We’re going to have to do something about that.”

“What’s going to teach you quickest about how some people behave? I do have one idea – but you won’t like it.”

“I’m going to have to do something. Just the last half hour has shown me how unaware I am. I’m not going to say that I’m better than anyone else but I’d like to feel I’m not a lot worse than anyone either. I’m now very willing to accept that I’m ignorant about all this stuff, all the things that minorities have to put up with. But I’m not incompetent. I’m willing to learn.”

“You come and have a coffee with me and Anika.”

“What, her names not Anita?”

“Durr, no. Score one more for ‘ignorant’, eh?”

“Sorry, folks. Small male brain at work.” That nearly got a smile from some of the ladies.

They sat down with their coffees. Djan asked “Tim, what group do you think gets the worst deal out of all the minorities you can think of? Who, in your ignorance, would you actually look sideways at? Despite your claim that you’re not intolerant just ignorant.” There was a trace of venom in the way she made the last statement.

Tim hesitated.

“Come on. What group or sub-group do you catch yourself going ‘oops, shouldn’t think like that?’ ”

He must have given some flicker of expression.

“Aah. What was that? Come on now. How can we help you in a hurry if you don’t open up, eh?”

“I can cope with people being homosexual. I can understand that they do things considerably beyond cuddling and kissing that I’d rather not think about – but I do twitch, I did last night watching the news, when a bloke referred to ‘my husband’. I do the same when women talk about ‘my wife’.

“So, you’re not fully on board with the modern views on gays, lesbians and bisexuality. You can’t be if you still call them homosexuals.”

Anika joined in. “Look at me. I want to watch your eyes when I use various words. I need to watch your expression, your facial muscles and twitches. Then I’ll ask you some questions. Right.”

“I do agree, but I’ll need to ring the office if it’s going to take longer than, say, half an hour.”

“Fair enough. But we’re going to need you back here at about 3.00.” She called across to Vivianne and said, “I’ve told Tim to be back at 3.00. Will that do?”

The girls at Vivianne’s table looked at each other and exchanged nods and smiles. Vivianne called back ‘Yep. 3.00 will do unless you can get away a little earlier. Can you do that, Tim?”

“I’ll need to fix it. I can say that I’m in a meeting getting prepared for the new HR course for the intake on Monday. I should be able to swing it. I’ll be able to ring you in about an hour. Well, not long after I leave here and get back to the office. Okay?”

Anika gave Tim a right going over. She and Djan made snippy, sarcy, rude, ugly, awful comments about every minority you could think of. Colour, Age, Sex, Gender, Disability – on and on. And Tim blushed, flinched, smiled and exclaimed rather often at some of the things they said.

After about 20 minutes, just as he was getting a bit worried about getting back to the office, Djan said, “We’ve done enough for now. There’s some ideas we’ve got that we’ll talk about this afternoon. Off you go, buddy.”

Buddy!! Tim left, giving a brief wave to any of the girls he passed as he left. What was going to happen this afternoon?

Tim did get some work done during the day. With not much effort, he managed to move things around so that he could say he was off to a meeting for the afternoon. He blithered that he’d take a late lunch too and that would mean he would be out of the office from about 1.30. He rang to tell Viv of his success. She did sound pleased that he had squeezed in the extra time.

Djan caught him as he arrived. “Hey, Buddy boy. Ready for your introduction to Receiving Intolerance or more accurately Real Life as a Minority – so you know what most of us get on a daily basis?”

“Er, no. But yes, But maybe.” Tim smiled. “Really no, but I’m as ready as I ever will be. What’s the plan?”

“How about you tell me. I’d guess you’ve been looking at the people you feel most uncomfortable with, I won’t actually big it up and say ‘you’re intolerant to them’ but later on you might feel that’s a better description.“

“Erm, well, I said something yesterday about husbands and wives – and I do accept that I was being, let’s call it, old-fashioned about them. But part of me says ‘I can’t help it so how is it my fault’.”

“Tim boy, that’s this weekend’s lesson.”

“First I’ve heard that I’m going to be working on this for the weekend. Perhaps I’ve got plans.”

“If, as I’ve heard, your future prospects at work are at risk, then spending a weekend learning to get out of your stuck rut has to be worth it, yeah?”

“That is true, uncomfortable maybe, but true. I’m not keen on looking for a new job – what a horrible thought. Yep. I’d better get out of my rut.”

“Even just being open enough for thinking in those terms shows you might be able to do it. Keep going, Tim boy.”

“Do you know what’s planned?”

“We’ve done almost no work for the last few hours, thinking about what and how and when and how deep. And if we’ve not been sitting at a table talking about it and planning, then we’ve been melting the phone lines to do the same. You’re a hot topic of conversation, right now. And I’m actually amazed how willing we are to help a stuck-up honky twit like you’ve been for so long.”

“Really – stuck-up honky twit?”

“I’ve got to find some ways to break open that tough shell you’ve grown over the years. You’re a hard one to reach. Can’t change nuthin’ without cracking a shell or three.”

"Eeeeek"

Fortunately Djan giggled, “Come on, mousie. Come meet the big cats who’ll tear you up and sort you out.”

Tim followed Djan. What was planned for him?

Viv and Anika and three others were waiting. Tim had met them before but took the initiative. “Hello, ladies. I’ve found that I had Anika’s name wrong so in order to make sure I do have you right, can you tell me who you are and what you like to be called.”

This did get a couple of smiles. “I’m Rosanna.” “I’m Talia, from Poland.” “I’m Binti, from Lebanon.” The three ladies, well, at their age, perhaps girls – were blonde, brunette and black-haired. That was what he first noticed. He often noticed hair first. He liked hair. Long, glossy ….. lovely.

Anika took over. “Right, folks, we’ve been talking and I spent time with Tim yesterday. He was quite usefully open in his responses. I’m glad I haven’t forgotten how to conduct a test.” She smiled.

“But Tim is also ignorant and therefore probably unconscious of the range and quantity of his unsatisfactory attitudes and discrimination. Probably his most known-to-him intolerance is for the whole LGB grouping. It is completely obvious that he thinks he doesn’t know anyone who is LGB. Until yesterday, he thought Dan, next door, was gay.” There were hoots of laughter. Tim flinched.

“But he also thinks that he can tell what people are like ‘just by looking at them or watching them’.” Tim could hear the quote-marks. There was more laughter.

Viv interrupted. “Tim, if I said that two of the girls here were lesbians – would you believe me? Would you be able to know who they were?”

Tim saw sense and answered, “How could I tell unless they told me? And why would they tell me? I’ve already accepted I’m so much more ignorant than I thought.”

“Nearly a good answer. But there’s way, way, way to go yet. We’ve got some ideas to teach you about what it’s like to have people hate you for how you look and how you come across. If I told you that one of the mid-level managers at your office was transgender – would you guess who it was. I won’t even tell you the person is male or female. And, just guessing, you’d say the ‘woman’ must have transitioned to a man or that the woman is the ex-apparently-male. I’m confident you haven’t got a clue.”

Tim paled at Viv’s comment. He was beginning to realize how ignorant he was.

“You don’t look as excited as could be about this, Tim. Are you worried about what we might get you doing?”

“Er, yes.”

“Well, don’t be. You’re a friend, a good friend and I have no intention of ruining either the friendship or you. But it’s going to be a bit of a stretch for you.”

“Er, yes, again – but with attached question-mark.”

“I said not to worry. But we’ve got to get you ready for going out and ready to experience local intolerance.”

“Er, yes, eek, and an exclamation mark. Like what – exactly.”

“Tim, my blinkered chum. Anika made copious notes about what you do and don’t react to. You’re not at all comfortable with any of the LGB brigade. You’re not actually comfortable with anything other than occasional hetero and rather normal varieties of sex. But your re{Highlight to read} {Highlight to read} al hangups come not with race, well done, or with disability, well done but that’s probably because of your cousin with MS. Your two big hangups are with intelligence – you don’t like it when you have to deal with people you think are a bit stupid. Secondly, you have a really complicated hangup about gender and the whole TIQ grouping.”

“Er, TIQ?”

“The modern list has grown from LGB to LGBT and now, often, LGBTIQ. The Transgender or Intersex or gender-Questioning set of boxes – although it’s very limiting to call them boxes when the people are so variable. Anika’s notes made it very clear that you didn’t like the whole thing. There is a bit of a problem with minorities fighting minorities in that the LGB brigade is mostly about sexual activity and TIQ is about gender. Unless it’s part of what matters – then the normals mix the two groups up because, oops, they are BOTH minorities. And ‘normals’ don’t like things that are different. They REALLY hate things they don’t like being paraded in front of their noses. And while LGB can and does mostly confine itself to the house and the bedroom, the Ts in particular are out in public ‘breaking the normal law’ of men can’t wear dresses.”

“And, um, it’s now wrong to have one’s own opinions.”

“No. I never said that or implied it. You can have any opinion you like. What you can’t do is condemn anyone for not agreeing with your opinion. You can’t get upset if you see others doing things you don’t personally approve of. You have to keep your opinions to yourself. And I have no problem in agreeing that keeping still and silent is very hard, for some people in some situations. We’re going to give you a bit of experience and actually expose you to some of the things that most make you squirm.”

“Erm, what, thickos, poofters and trannies.”

There was nearly an explosion before the assembled team realized he was making a last feeble effort to accept their suggestion.

Anika caught on fastest. “That was very naughty, Tim. You might get some extra for saying that.”

Tim didn’t ask ‘extra what’. He’d already learnt to keep his mouth shut! Sometimes! “Sorry, that was truly inept. I’m just a little stressed about this. You seem to have decided that the way for me to learn is to take me really some way out of my comfort zone. I want to keep my job and I don’t want this new task to screw things up. For the moment, I’m going along with you – but I’m just a little worried about what you’re going to do.”

“That’s fair – and thank you for the apology. Saying that, even as a sort of joke, even to us, was pretty stupid. But let’s move on. Have you any idea what’s going to happen with you today?”

“Erm, perhaps that it was a mistake to be quite so, er, whatever about some of the people I don’t understand?”

“Win the Gold Star. Yep. You’re going to learn about being a target – a G target and then a T target – or perhaps the other way round.”

“Erm, am I guessing that G for Gay and T for Tranny?”

“Another Gold Star! And once we’ve got you ready, we’re going out and we’ll get you finding out what sort of life people can get who don’t fit your neat white, wasp, middle-road, middle-class, middle-everything comfortable life.”

“Am I permitted to scream ’You can’t do that.”

“Buddy, did you or did you not ask for help? You need to get some big learning lessons within the next couple of days, well less than 90 hours now. All of Friday, Saturday and Sunday then start at 8.30 Monday and it’s already 3.30 Thursday. And there will be some time sleeping.”

Deep breath. “Lose my job prospects or lose some of what makes me feel like me ……. the horns of a dilemma. If I could think of a third option, it’d be a trilemma, eh?”

“Not sure we’ve got time for jokes right now.” Djan held a coin, “Heads or Tails - and I know which is which - or you decide for yourself G then T or T then G?”

“Umm….”

“Too late. It’s Heads – and you get to be a T-girl for the next few days.”

“What, just T no G?”

“You WANT to try out looking G, huh. THAT would surprise me. No, choice made, by luck or fate, you get to be our T-friend for the weekend. Hey, that was a sort of rhyme.”

Anika sniggered, “Yeah, but not a good one. You could have continued with Trend, or Gend-er or Bend, Send, Lend, there’s lots more.” [Blend, End, Fend, Mend, Rend, Spend, Tend, Vend, Wend for instance].

Viv took control. “Okay, girls, we talked about both options. Take Tim away and bring him back clean and scrubbed, while I make arrangements.”

This sounded much more thorough than Tim had expected. He had expected talking and examples and reactions and stuff – not doing it for real.

T-TIME

Some time later, he was brought back, freshly scrubbed, hairless as regards armpits and legs and chest – nowhere else was deemed significant. And his chest was sparse anyway. He had been given panties and bra and shown how to put on a bra – the beginner’s method from the front as well as the stretch round the back method, ouch. Then Anika had put a couple of rather large inserts into the bra itself, into pockets apparently designed for the task!

Viv and Rosanna helped him dress in the rest of the costume. Then they made him take the dress off and to his surprise, Binti took it off to a table nearby and started working on the fitting. Needle and thread, scissors and snip – it felt like the improvements took just minutes. And the dress definitely fitted better, more securely.

Tim had never dressed up before. Never thought about it. Never spent much time thinking about how girls did dress, why they dressed in particular combinations, why some dressed one way and their friends another. He had just been almost uninterested in the outer layers of a woman. Probably because, he told himself, that he reckoned he had tried to be more interested in what they were like inside.

Tim began to say ‘I’ve never done this. I’ve actually never been that bothered about what girls wear anyway.”

Bindi snorted. “Ha. You about to tell us that you always look at the inner-person? Tim, you may have tried but you didn’t actually acknowledge me or Anika or Djan even as people. If you did interact with us, you did it politely – but too often you just ignored us. That wasn’t nice. Not at all.”

Tim changed colour from pale to red to scarlet and back again. “I didn’t realize. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s ONLY because you are at last realizing that you’ve been doing this that we’re willing to help you, y’know.”

“Ya, da ‘scrimmer goin’ t’learn ‘bout ‘scrimmin’ from d’inside’” said Djan.

“Djan, that’s drefful, we doan’ need no jiiihve talkin’ roun’ hyah,” said Talia. And everyone started laughing as the smart Polish girl speaking like that. But then it was down to business. The business of making a straight businessman into …… something new and different.

Tim had already been sheared of what little hair he had that needed to go. He was already wearing panties and bra. Now he was learning about the new costume that he would be wearing in public.

“We’ve got you two outfits for now. We’ll go shopping for more later. You’re going to be a tranny en femme tonight. Have you any idea what that means – apart from some of the labels being inappropriate these days – but you’ll possibly recognise the old words.”

“Erm, you’re dressing me up as a bloke who wears women’s clothes – and I’m going out pretending to be a woman? Yes?”

Viv smirked, “Close enough. It’s not going to be clear whether you are a transvestite – who just wears women’s clothes; a transgender – someone who wants to act as a woman in all aspects of daily life; or a transsexual – someone who truly believes they are feminine to their core and is seeking the necessary medical reassignment surgery. Mind you, there’ll be those who quibble about the accuracy, overlap and underlap of each of those three labels.”

“And you’re setting me up for which of those categories? I thought all that sort of dressing up was for gays, y’know, drag queens.”

“Oh no. So wrong. So very wrong. Drag isn’t really any of those three trans categories as most gays are very keen on staying as male as possible. For almost all of them, tain’t no way they’re cutting off their danglies. Drag is for gay guys aiming at other gay guys. No, correct that, for some it’s just a thing they do because they’ve found they’re good at it and they enjoy it. But, I think (oops) it’s mostly gay guys for gay guys. But a bigger truth is gay guys do LOVE their danglies.”

Viv took a breath, “Trans is different. A trans boy aiming to be a girl really really wants those ugly, ugly danglies all gone. All the psychological tests show that anyone who is genuinely on the trans spectrum is a long way from the 100% macho or the 100% femme. Heck, some of them, especially the real transsexuals are so far into the opposite end of the spectrum there’s no way that they can be anything but wrongly labelled by idiots who simply looked at whatever was between their legs as a ten-minute old baby. Damn silly. The whole ‘intersex’ thing has been around for decades yet most people in a maternity ward refuse to let it interfere in their tidy boy-girl labelling. Stupid. How blind do they have to be to not see what is in front of their eyes?”

Viv sniggered and answered her own question, “Cos they can only see what’s in front of their eyes – and they just can’t say ‘not sure’ because ‘it would upset the parents’. Not half as much as it’ll screw up the kid and the parents some 12 years later. Bloody idiots.”

Quite sensibly, Tim didn’t make any comment. He leant forward to check out the two different outfits. One was a blouse and skirt combination – a thin, gauzy blouse which would clearly show his bra; with a skirt that was equally likely to show his panties from below. The dress wasn’t much better. If he didn’t think it wiser to keep shtum, he’d have thought it ‘brassy and even slutty’.

“Do I have to wear this sort of thing?”

Rosanna answered “Yep. I’ve been looking at the internet. And it’s not too pretty but it seems that most trannys – or at least, most of those who get their pictures up on the web – wear the most unsuitable clothes. So, like it or not – and you don’t and I wouldn’t – that’s what you’ve got for tonight.”

Tim gave in. He didn’t like it but with the willingness, if not determination, of these women to help him, he didn’t feel as if he had much choice.

Some while later, he was wearing the blouse and skirt. He had some makeup on but not enough to look convincingly feminine and too much lipstick to be anything other than on the edge of drag. He had two inch heels as these were as high as he could manage without too much risk. He had a big bouffant wig and some rather garish jewellery. He felt awful.

It was nearly dark by now, about 8.00 on an autumn evening, and he was taken to the next nearest town and the various pubs and clubs there.

“Are you sure this is the right way to learn about prejudice and all that?” Tim nearly whined.

“We could have made you look like a strong, confident businesswoman – but what would that really have taught you? This is way out of your comfort zone and deep in the deep end. Got to do it this way, or it’ll take months for you to learn anything.” Vivienne spoke as if she knew what she was talking about.

“At least you know we’ll be nearby if anything goes wrong,” murmured Anika.

Tim had rarely been scared before. His life had run on rails. Almost always on the middle track because as he had told people so often he was a completely middle type of guy.

But tonight, here and now, this was nowhere near the middle. This was so far beyond the edge of anything Tim had ever guessed he would do. Dressed as a woman in a town he didn’t know in a bar he didn’t know surrounded by people he didn’t know (and wasn’t sure he wanted to know.) If he had dared to scream ‘get me out of here’ then he’d have done so. But he knew that giving in this early was going to mean ‘no job’.

So, he didn’t scream. Not even when he tottered on his high heels (all of two inches!) to a stool by the bar.

Not even when the barman looked at him as he’d never been looked at before. “Not seen you in here before, dearie.”

Tim tried to look as if being called ‘dearie’ wasn’t a shock.

THE MEETING

The barman lifted a lip in a sort of grimace. “I know your sort do come in here – god knows why. But not at the bar if you don’t mind. There’s some more of your sort in the far corner – over by the toilets. As if you’d mind. So get over there. But if you start wagging your arses at the gents or parading yourself like …. Well, just don’t do it. Please.”

There was no way that the word ‘Please’ meant what normal people say. There was an overtone of ‘if you don’t move I’ll do something you won’t like, such as spit in your drink.’ Tim moved.

He went over to the group. Five or so, he thought, until he got nearer and there were three others more or less hidden behind the partition. Fortunately for his confidence and feelings, Tim was not the only one dressed badly.

There was a sort of murmur that might have been a welcome. Then a man passed by on his way to the gents. “Get out of my way, fuckin’ woofter, pansy, whatever-you-are.“ Tim tried not to react but failed. He lifted his head and glared at the man.

One of the other ‘girls’ hissed ‘"F’god’s sake, don’t react. You’ll just cause trouble.”

That wasn’t the last of the comments which came their way.

Tim had no chance to hide in a corner and listen. He was ‘new meat’ to this gang. He tried as hard as he could to listen rather than talk but to little avail. Fortunately, Viviane had given him a brief back story and told him to just talk ‘in general terms’ if they pushed

It wasn’t that long an evening, but it felt like forever to Tim. He gradually realized that if he was to maintain the façade demanded by his various womenfolk then he would have to join in and learn from these fellow-travellers. His mind veered to thoughts of ‘The Road less Travelled’ and similarly wayward ideas.

After about an hour, he saw Viviane and Djan arrive and sit a few tables away. They had agreed they would be in the vicinity. If he was really failing to cope, he would drop his handbag. Otherwise, they would drift over towards closing time or when they saw that the group was closing down.

Tim desperately wanted to call it off. But he knew that every step he did not take was a risk to his job.

One of the ‘girls’ (Tim took a deep breath and realized what a mistake it was to think like that) said ‘I don’t know what’s been happening to me recently. My luck has changed so much. I keep finding new clothes in the charity shops that are just so much better than I used to have. They call to me. And they fit, they look better. And they make me so much more confident. It’s wonderful and I’m NOT going to analyse the reasons.”

Tim looked closer at Lizzy and then at the rest of the group. It was true, Lizzy did look better than most of the others. She was certainly the most confident. For a moment, Tim thought about ‘luck’ and what had been, was happening to him.

For some reason, Tim had to ask. “Have you met an oldish lady with a long cane and a black streak in her hair.”

“How strange that you should ask. A few days ago, she stumbled on the kerb. I helped pick up her things. She was grateful. Her farewell was pretty weird ‘Thank you for you help. See how lucky you will be.”

Tim closed his eyes. Was such a thing possible?

“Tina,” one of the other girls asked. “you feeling alright? You went pale then. Even through the makeup you’ve piled on. Try a LOT less next time. We all did that at first. Who’s been giving you lessons. They’re doing a fair job - but you're on the slutty-T range. Is this really one of the first times you’ve been out? We’ve not seen you before, eh?”

“Oh, yes. I mean, I’ve been out before but not near here. It’s the first time I’ve been out to join a group like this. I wasn’t at all sure. I mean there’s so may horror stories about how people react to Ts. I mean, the barman, he might not have meant to sound unkind and dismissive of us – but he didn’t come across as actually kind. But then he lets us come as a group – which has to be a big step. He could have been a real arse and we’d simply try to find somewhere else.”

“Oh, we’ve had to move more than a few times. We used to meet at a church hall – then new priest arrived and he tried so over-hard to be painfully supportive. It was awful.”

Tina/Tim tried to ask some of the questions he had to ask. (How else was he going to learn about how to deal with Ts and Xs and Fs and Bs or whatever when they came within his remit at work.) “What is the most common form of abuse you get? And how would you like to see company’s actually delivering something of worth to you?”

“You certainly haven’t been out much in public if you can ask that. But you’ve obviously been practising in private – and with at least a couple of girls kind enough to be supportive,“ said Rachel.

Rachel was the first - “I’ll try to give you just some of the incidents today. And I have to say that some, just some, of them may have been just rudeness, casual ignorance or stupidity. But some, they’re real; they’re aimed at me being out as T. They’re intended to be unkind, nasty, hateful and that I’m not a ‘proper person’ – whatever that might mean in their ugly little braincell. And that may be ME being prejudiced and discriminatory in return. It’s tough that I’m not sufficiently nice not to enjoy a little retaliation. But I’m sure I have my own areas of difficulty. I do know that I prefer people of sufficient intelligence that I can have a reasonable discussion with them. Not just about cars, sport and farting if I’m with the blokes; or dresses, shops and the like when I’m in girl-mode.”

Tim flushed when Rachel said about ‘talking with intelligent people’. Rachel saw this and grinned. “Got you too with that one about talking with brights. Yeah, well. You, me and there’s others too.”

Vanessa said, “my points are going to be more general. But I’ve had coffee spilt on me on purpose with the add-on ‘that’ll ruin your day, girly’. Hateful. And being pushed and shoved and groped and all that. That’s every day. And the sneers from shop-girls. I hate that. Isn’t my money as good as anyone else’s. And when I do find a kind shop, I can promise you, they get a goodly sale out of me. 3 bags the last time I went to Frettons.”

“Oh, Frettons! I’ve thought about shopping there but expected it to be a bit off and inflexible. I didn’t want to take the risk.”

“No, no, Anna. Frettons is good. Try Tuesdays when Alice and Pat are definitely on. They’re very good, very kind and actually willing to give advice too. I was about to buy a blouse a few weeks back and Pat said the colour was al wrong for me, I should try the darker green. I did – and it was much better.”

“What, the green you wore last week.”

“Yep. I noticed you noticing it. The lace and the frill made me choose the style. There’s a whole range of colours. And at a pretty good price too.”

Vanessa spoke up again, “Let’s get back to the hatred we get so much of. Tina’s obviously tried to learn from the internet. This is real life we’re giving her. Perhaps, sometimes too real.”

Tim filled in with, “Some of this definitely sounds more real than I thought I knew about. Ugly too.”

“That’s why you’ll feel so good when one of the good ones gives you a kindness. But I don’t think they hate us. I think they’re afraid of us because we’re different. We are moved by passions which they don’t have, which they can’t wrap their heads around. Some of what we need to do in our lives makes no sense to them—operations, hormones, same-gender partners, and so on. And despite all the faff, meanwhile we try to get on with the rest of our lives—working, housekeeping, eating, and so on – just like they do. At times, we speak the same language, even root for the same sports teams, and so on. They can be friendly with us, but at the same time within their limits. But enough of them will still be unkind to us. If we’re lucky then we get a number who are just, let’s say, tentative or guarded toward us. And it’s all because they are afraid of what makes us different.

“When I learnt a bit about social groups – they are driven by group rules, group language, team behaviour. We don’t fit. And if we LEAVE a group where they and we appeared to fit – it’s worse. They don’t understand how, for example, we can give up being male. Most of them are very proud, very fond of their danglers. It is truly beyond their understanding that we don’t want it, that we hate it, that we’d go through all the traumas which WE all know about – just in order to look like a woman.”

“Vanessa dear, I didn’t do it in order to look like a woman. I did it so that I was really certainly no longer male,” contributed Elle.

She continued, “All the stuff about ‘being taught to hate’ or ‘societal pressures' is bullshit. It's really very simple.
Most dislike of LGBT people is based on a somewhat puritanical mindset that sexual matters should be hidden. Even more so any kind of fetish or sexual deviancy. Fortunately for most people who live on are over the edge, their behaviours can be behind closed doors. We can’t hide. Clothing is so much more for public display – how can it be otherwise. And it’s obvious we’re the only group that by definition has to demonstrate our differentness in public. Yeah, there’s the leather and fetish stuff, the flamboyantly gay who demand a constant, full-time advertisement of a sexual deviancy. Any kind of extreme fashion like feather boas or ultra-short shorts on guys that supposedly indicates or advertises a sexual preference is seen with as much disgust and revulsion as someone who wears a full BDSM bondage outfit out in public. But they’re being outrageous on purpose. For most of us, we want to be anything but outrageous. We want to be women, out in public and accepted, treated and seen as, well, women. And still they hate us.”

“A few years back, the anger was at the gays are bringing their situation into public discourse. The fact that they were trying to make sexual matters and their sexual orientation a public issue was seen as disgusting in of itself. The parts of gay pride parades with people doing all kind of overly sexual obnoxious stuff that would normally get you arrested and/or beaten in most contexts didn’t and still doesn’t help. So to summarize, it's the view that all sexual matters should be secret and private, combined with the fact that showing off your ‘gayness’ or pride is innately a blatant advertisement of sexual matters. This kind of stuff reinforces with the normals their view of gay people as sexually-depraved degenerates. And for me, tying us up into the LGB bunch by adding T, and then I and Q and all the others is really unhelpful.”

“Are you going to say anything, Tina? Or are you just listening?” said Elle.

“Can in just keep listening. But I do want to get some ideas for how my company can do better?”

“Now, why would that be? Are you thinking of coming out and want to prepare the ground? That would be a fantastic step. And your notes or diary or whatever of how things went, how you wanted then to go and all that would be so useful. I know of more than one company who hasn’t got a clue, and of many more who’ve dealt with it pretty badly.”

“Step One has to be obvious. Your HR team and the girl’s boss have to show willing that they’ll be, at least, fair and reasonable. Hopefully, before anyone does transition, there’ll be some public guideline or announcement about how the process should be done.”

Fleur, who said nothing so far, spoke up. “I can give you one good example. It’s not local but a friend of mine works there and they were so kind when she did her transition. They announced that they would be completely supportive of anyone who did flip but, behind the scene, they made it clear that they expected some give and take. So, when Patsy said what she wanted to do, they arranged for lessons, trips to the shops and a range of things which made her feel so much more comfortable, first about herself, and second about the whole process and third about the company too. Later on, one director told her, 'part of it is just the economic cost. If you stay, we don’t have to find a replacement and train them for years. Secondly, if you transition well then that helps others in the company deal with a whole range of discrimination. Thirdly, it puts us at the forefront of ‘companies who do the right thing’. It may be the new laws that are, indirectly, making it so; but showing willing has to be to our advantage'.”

“Wow. That has to be a special kind of place to work. Tina, do you think you could use any of that.”

“With a bit of planning, I can see several obvious benefits to planning for such a change before anyone demands a change that the company isn’t ready for. And, by the way, I’m a long way from thinking of changing for work!”

Vanessa seemed to act as the chair as the evening turned into pretty much of a seminar. Each person had opinions about being bullied. Some had specific examples but most concentrated on the general reasons they saw behind the hatred.

Anna started, “Queer folk are hated because people have been taught to hate them. It's really that simple. Humans seem instinctively to hate those who are different, in any case. We're biologically wired to fear and mistrust strangers. That's an adaptive trait. Then, culturally, we often leverage this biology to create strangers where they might not otherwise exist. For a long time, people have known about Gays and Bisexuals. Mind you, even though Queen Victoria denied that Lesbians could exist – they did. Over the centuries there’ve been Ls and Gs and Bs. But except in a very few well-concealed cases, Ts have not been noticed by the normal. Until recently when Ts began to make the news. Mostly as ‘look at that, it’s not normal’ type of coverage. Everyone hates Ts. And these days a lot of Ts with strong opinions hate other Ts who have different strong opinions. It forces the majority of us into the background. We feel like women – or think we do. We just want to be treated as ‘normal’. Huh.”

Elle took over “I've noticed is that these people are either really, really frightened by the idea of having sex with a transgender person or they have very intrenched views that hetero-normative behavior and relationships are the only right natural way of life. Most people dislike the idea of T and some still can’t cope with LGB either. But if they actually meet a person who is LGB or even T and they get to know them before they realize their, um, status, then some will set aside the ‘big difference’ and still, especially if the law says so, treat them as people.”

“But, Elle, isn’t that the whole point. The Law says what should be so – but if the norms succeed, as they do, in ignoring the law by nasty, twisty little bits of unkindness and abuse. Then, what should we do?”

“Personally, Tina, I’d guess, having stayed behind your door so long, that you think you know very few LGB or TIQ people.”
Elle continued, “People have their reasons for being gay, straight, transgender, or whatever they desire. Those reasons are perfectly fine and you should go live your life on your terms. My brother has known about me for years. But he does say that the ones he dislikes a lot are the ones that constantly complain about their circumstances or the ones that, in effect, bully-back people using the victim card or sympathy card. This isn’t restricted to transgender or LGBTQ+ people. He dislikes people of race that tries to play the race victim card; or the disadvantaged, in fact, any minority that believes it has a right to shout SO loudly that the silent majority have to give way. He hates extremism, abuse and bullies. He says everybody is disadvantaged in some way and privileged in another. Privilege isn’t restricted to being rich or white or straight. While a few mega-bullies never get caught up with, he reckons the ones who mostly thrive in life are those who don’t play the victim.”

“What does that mean in a company?” Tina asked.

Vanessa chipped in with “How about ‘help the person in the minority to not be a victim – L or G or B or T or short or red-haired or, sorry, even dim.”

“Here’s the thing. People would do ANYTHING for the comfort of being able to keep believing what they believe. A lot of them were raised in minority-hating or homophobic families and they have been given no way to recover from that childhood damage. It was a form of abuse. But let’s not forget religion as a base, some have been brainwashed by poorly practiced religion centered around mistranslated texts. Both of these possibilities go way back to some now-historic point when someone had an agenda to push. In Ancient Greece, pretty much everyone was expected to be bisexual. Even in Greece, that’s not true to the same degree now.”

“So no, most whatever-phobes aren’t queer, they’re uneducated on the topic, or wilfully ignorant, or others have twisted them. They may live in an ugly box inside their heads but even if someone else put the box there – they had to join in with getting in the box and shutting the lid. Eventually, for most of them once enough time passes without them putting in some effort to fix that, the harder it is. It’s pretty difficult to accept that you’ve been wrong about something for such a huge part of your life.”

Tina took a breath and said, “your thoughts have had a lot of time to build, and crystallise, haven’t they, V? I mean a lot of what you say feels like you’ve said it or thought it a lot of times.”

“Honey,” said Fleur, “that’s for sure. We think these thoughts, share these ideas and spend TOO much time going over old ground. Your idea for getting companies to do better is one of the few new sparks in over a year. It sounds good. If it helps even one girl or boy or thing – then we’ve got to help. Don’t we, ladies?”

There was a strong murmur of support from the nine of them round the table.

There was silence for a minute or so while Elle and Rachel collected the next round of drinks.

When Elle got back, she said, “I’ve had a thought (muted chorus of ‘not another’) “The average, everyday westerner under, say 50, is getting to be fine with gay marriage. However, the backlash for trans people is still incredibly large. On any thread discussing gay rights an overwhelmingmajority of comments are supportive of LGB. In any trans threads, everything goes to shit and is extremely controversial. Even from the gay community. Why is this? Many people want to separate the sex-group of LGB form the gender-group of TIQ. But for the ‘normals’ BOTH groups are sufficiently off-line that they must be disapproved of. To a degree, the whole last 2000+ years of Judeo-Christian-Muslim have done a lot to be seen as a cause of the hatred delivered by the normals. I’m careful not to say THE cause because there’s always more than one. There are people saying, "let's drop the T out of LGB" and it honestly feels awful. I know there are supportive people out there but the fact that so many people are against me existing and think I am a disgusting degenerate really saddens me. It’s hard enough being alone but being cast away from another minority group with very similar problems form the normals. Why.”

“When I started talking with quacks – and this was deep in the country – I said I wanted to be seen as a girl but it seems like everyone immediately jumped to "mental illness". It’s better in the cities because the average clinic has met more than one lone and lonely T. But now there’s so many articles against the trans community and studies that are trying to show that transitioning doesn't help us. Bollux. For the true and determined T it is the only thing that works. In a big enough group of T, some of them will have an almost uncontrolled dysmorphia. If the shrinks don’t catch them in time, they may transition and hate it. But that’s a tiny minority of a tiny minority. Can I prevent it happening – no. Were THEY mentally ill – possibly, probably. Will it happen again – yes.”

“As regards the LGBs - it would be genuinely stupid not to recognize that lots, too many, LGBs are horribly discriminated against. By family, work, friends. The biggest difference, except for those who are overt in their LGB-ness is that they can mostly stay out of sight unless they wish otherwise. Statistically, it is very certain that you have a homosexual friend, work-colleague or even a member of your extended family; but being T is even rarer. So surely this makes it harder to discriminate against gays than transgenders. Violence and nastiness may be less in rural areas. I don’t want to seem like I’m minimizing how vile norms and even gays can be to Ts - but it sucks that overall people seem to be accepting of private love but not of public clothing.”

Fleur was busy on her laptop. “It’s not nice stuff. But, Tina, here’s some comments that might give you some insight. It’s from a T who has a real and ugly split in how his parents are coping, well, aren’t coping actually.

As it turns out my mother hates the "gays", "trannies", and "bisexual monsters" more than I thought. She said because they (LGBTQ+ people), denied and hated God, they got diseases such as AIDS and a bunch of other stuff as punishment. They weren’t real men and they could never be real women. Then she started on the can’t have periods, can’t have babies, wouldn’t have maternal feelings, would be useless in bed and that would be being homosexual anyway. It’s just an excuse from some woofter to wear a dress and drag up. Disgusting. And ever on.

My dad on the other hand is pretty indifferent, he says he doesn't care if I have friends from whatever side of the spectrum they are from as long as they are good folks. He did say he prefers if I didn't turn out to be weird or a queer and stuff. It’s obvious that one is the more hopeful option. So, is there a little bit of hope? Or not?

How about this one – would you have an answer for someone who came at a colleague with this sort of attack?

I can’t explain why I so hate transgender people – whatever label they give themselves. Why should I bother to think about why they’re crazy. They want to take a perfectly satisfactory body and mutilate it because their brain has been fooled into thinking there’s something wrong with that body. Suddenly a male wants tits and to cut off the thing which proclaims him as male. How stupid can you get. Male is male; female is female – there’s no argument. There’s no choice. And some of them expect the taxpayer to pay for their arrant stupidity.

And recently it’s got worse – there’s so many ‘trendy’ T-people. I try to avoid them, but it's literally impossible. All over the media. All over the internet. It’s vile. It seems that every immature teen or pathetic and rejected adult is joining the bandwagon. Some of them, and it’s very hard to admit that the shouty, ugly ones are only a percentage – they’re so ‘in your face’. So certain that because they are doing it that it’s right and mere normal should just agree. And we have to ‘let them get on with their lives’ as mutilated neither-men-nor-women. Even more ugly and stupid.

And I repeat, they’re deluded, irrational, mad with arrogance. The whole concept of being transgender requires someone to hold extremely sexist views and a strong sense of entitlement and self-righteousness. It's not possible for one to be transgender and not fall into those categories, because you need to be a special kind of unintelligent asshole to claim that you're a "woman trapped in a man's body" or vice versa.

I don't see how it's possible to be trans and not inherently be a complete tool, well, idiot. They say they don’t want any tool! Hah.

“And there’s so much prejudice and wrong-thinking; listen to this.”

I know others who behave as if when a Transgender person comes out they instantly jump to ‘they’re gay; their lifestyle is infectious; they’re obviously predators; they’re going to do something horrible to me!' Personally, I try to sometimes believe that not every trans person is like this, right. 'Cos it's like saying every gay person is generally attracted to and probably wants to molest everyone who’s male as soon as they meet. It may not be true. Or that lezzies will go straight as soon as they've been f***ked by someone who's good at it. As if.

But on the other hand, there's this ….

And yeah, some of the action has been taken over by people who want to 'explore' their 'gender(s)'. But I have read that many actual trans people aren't at all keen to be noticed as trans in the first place or to share a space with people who ultimately kick them out because their views are too close minded. The people who are usually trans, believe it or not, like to keep their business to themselves, generally.

“Apparently we volunteer for all that abuse, surgery and life-long hormones with the pain and expense and loss of so much of our previous lives ‘for fun’ or to ‘just so we can go into ladies toilets!? Wow. I didn’t realize I was so stupid.”

Tina had to say something “I’m not sure I can cope with that on top of everything else that’s been said this evening. I do know that there’s a lot of hatred out there. I’ve got to learn to notice it and deal with it. And now on behalf of others. Eeek! I still would like to think, maybe naively, that kindness and love can deal with most problems.”

“Oh we all know about love; but we know how fragile that can become” said Anna. “On the other hand, most people can very easily understand uninhibited love for someone - even the most moderate folks can get that ‘Oh well I can't help but love my wife, guess it must be the same for them gays’. But most cis people don't think much about their gender identity since it matches their birth sex - then they get into a fix when we say "I was born a man but I am a woman". They just don't get how someone could be unhappy with their birth sex, since they weren't. I do remember one elderly friend who was struggling with the whole LGB is real and in-your-face; he said ‘I really believe that it is better to love someone even of the same sex than no one. But am I allowed to twitch when a man introduces another as ‘my husband’.’ I told him if he could go that far he was doing a lot better and more kindly than a lot of his age-group.

Later, he came and apologised to me saying, I know I’m wrong about a lot of changes – but I’m learning. I know I’ve mostly spoken with you and avoided using your name. That’s going to stop too. Thanks, Anna.”

“I was so surprised and excited I almost hugged him.”

Vanessa jumped in “Can I sum up, ‘cos it’s time to go soon and Tina needs our best advice. I think two major factors are at play here. First of all, It's harder for a cis person to understand gender identity than sexual orientation. Sexual orientation is a matter of preference; I like apples, he likes oranges; I like women, he likes men; it's easier to wrap your head around that. As someone said, that’s the LGBs. But gender identity is something completely different, you're changing identities, transitioning; it isn't something that can be intuitively understood; without explanation and education on the matter, that is. In other words, while people understand that preferences vary among individuals for sex, food, decoration and everything up to all the possible addictions; but the idea of your body not matching your identity can be overwhelming is so different. Bluntly Tina’s company has to find ways to support everyone who works there. It’s actually wrong, in a way, to just aim at those who are coming out as different. A good package has to help everyone – even those who hate was is happening!”

Tina stood up to leave. “Thanks, everybody. I’ve learnt more this evening than I thought possible. I hope I can remember most of it as I didn’t take any notes. If I can put a plan together can I email any of you for a response?”

“Tina, dear, most of us aren’t too keen to hand out our details, especially to a newcomer. Send your ideas to me, and I’ll pass it on to a few of us for their feedback.”

“That would be hugely generous of you, whichever of you do have the time to contribute.”

“Tina, dear, if what you do improves the lot of one single abusee, whether they be LGB, TIQ, UVWXYZ or whatever – then we’ll have done something worthwhile. Do your best, dear. Speak soon.”

Tina left, going past Viv and Djan as she left. Viv had mentioned a late-night coffee-house and they went there for the half-hour after the pub closed.

“That was quite an effort,” said Tim-Tina. “But I think I’ve got some ideas to work on. And like one of you at the office said earlier, I’m trying really hard to see the real people under the camouflage.”

THE PLAN

Tim was, at least, quite efficient when given a time-limited project. As always his target was a single A4 header-page; a single page conclusion and recommendation and some worthwhile backup in the middle to deal with a range of questions and side-issues.

He headed it ‘What is typical – How to be different AND typical.’ On the Monday morning, he read through his draft with his boss. Not long after he was called upstairs to meet with his boss, the head of HR and his two main assistants and one of the directors.

Tim asked if any one of the five had any experience with discrimination against themselves or anyone close to them, like family. Then he asked if any of them had any strong views about any especial minority – and he listed some thirty; all the way from Alcoholics to Transvestites via Redheads, Obese and Anorexic. Tim hadn’t found any useful minorities in the U to Z series. Two of the five said they were well aware of some aspects of discrimination. The HR Head and the director said they had had strong views but had been forced to try to learn by the new laws.

Tim thanked them for their input and asked, “Was the problem with any special group? Perhaps the LGB, or maybe the TIQ? Was it perhaps against Muslims after the recent nearby bombing. I don’t actually need your answer – the key to making a success of this project is having people, especially senior ones, admit they are less than perfect. Well done, sirs.”

“I’m going to read through this note. And I’ll add some personal notes which aren’t on this draft. And I freely admit, it’s a draft because I expect some comments made here to require changes or at least alterations in wording and so on.”

Everyone wants to feel average, normal and typical. Too many of us become uncertain and even aggressive and unkind when we detect someone who is not ‘People like Me’. This is improper. It is not the sort of behaviour or attitude which the Company endorses and increasingly it is against the Law.

The general belief is that Discrimination occurs regarding Race, Gender, Age, Religion and Disability. This is not true. Discrimination is no more than a re-labelling of Abuse. Abuse occurs in every form and in almost any relationship. Spouse to Spouse; Boss to Subordinate; Captain to Player; but since abuse depends on the situation, Subordinates and Players can abuse their apparent seniors.

Abuse can be physical, sexual, financial, mental, emotional and more. Abuse requires a difference in power and the abuse of that power. As the prime example Sexual Abuse is not about the Sex it is about the Power. In business, abuse is often delivered as a retaliation for the quality of work, too good as well as too bad.

So – what does this mean to the Company. Here. Now.

Without knowing it, without meaning to, it will be very certain that departments, groups and people in this company are guilty of ‘Institutional Discrimination’. We need to recognise this and do better. All of us. The Police and several Government departments have accepted that they have this problem. We employ some 800 people – so it is absolutely certain that we have colleagues who already suffer discrimination because they are members of some of the minorities. The purpose of this project is to ensure that very little, hopefully no, discrimination happens here.

“On a personal note and as an example, I know now that I have made decisions in certain ways because I am white, English, mildly religious, middle-of-the-road, middle-class and so on. I am beginning to see new labels which put me in certain groups and sub-groups. And because of those positions, some decisions will have been favourable incorrectly. I never meant to. I was only obeying the rules. I thought I was doing the best for the company. Perhaps so, perhaps no.”

Looking forward: to the composition of the work-force and how it is and will change in the future.

As I’ve said it is very certain that there will be or already are members of minorities in the existing work-force. To be temporarily blunt and very non-PC – these will include people with non-white skin – black, brown, yellow. There will be people who have sexual preferences – Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual. There will be old people, young, bright, less-bright, tall, fat, short, thin and so on. There will be red-heads, those with moustaches, ladies in burqas, others in dresses and again and so on. Most of these preferences have absolutely no relevance to how they do their work. So why should anyone at work have a problem?

If there is a problem, it seems obvious to say this will generally be with the person who says ‘I don’t like B or C’s behaviour or appearance’. What that requires is a strong company policy on how to deal with such disapproval. If It reaches Discrimination then action according to the Law must be taken. The initial judgement about whether it is discrimination is in the view of the target.

Separate from the majority of those who DO belong to minority groups and who, by dint of company rules and expectations, should keep their views to themselves unless asked – there is one group who cannot keep their preference hidden. I refer to those who are Transgender, Transvestite or Transexual. They cannot hide in the ordinary way as their new lifestyle demands overt public display of the change. But the prime rule does not alter – they are your colleagues. You are here to do your tasks as well as you can which does require at least amiability between each of you to others.

This memo is written with the, what I will refer to as Ts, being a special exception. Like it or not, they have a legal right to transition although generally they must obtain sufficient and suitable psychologist approval. But this is not required for those who are willing to stop at dressing as required by their chosen gender. What the Company will require is that even those, in simple terms the Transvestites, must work to look, well, ordinary. I have met some Ts – and the aim for almost all of them is to look ‘typical’. Using their jargon, the MtF wants to be the woman they see themselves as – it is NOT a case of just looking like a woman; the FtM similarly as regards being a man. It will be the responsibility of the Company to help anyone in transition who wishes to do so at work to be as comfortable as possible in their chosen style. Exactly how this may be achieved requires further discussion – and seeing as how we are a business dealing in money, the approval of a budget.

We are human. We therefore make mistakes. We can learn. We can do better. Being more kind to those in the Company who are different from us (in a way we are not comfortable with) has to be a first step. And if I can do better, then so can everyone else.’

There was a short silence after Tim finished.

The HR Head stood up first, “That was a remarkable presentation. Short, sharp, very sharp actually. I do think we can take some steps forward with actual optimism that we’re on a worthwhile track. And I have to say, a better track than we were planning even last Friday. Your reputation as a stick-in-the-mud seems to be less true than I expected.”

Tim’s boss was looking at him as if he’d grown an extra head. “well done, Tim. Excellent in fact. I’m looking forward to see how this evolves with you in control. You’ve done a considerable amount of research and self-assessment to get to this point. Again, well done.”

The various listeners trooped out. One of the assistants gave Tim a searching glance. Tim breathed a huge sigh of relief and wondered what he could do next. ‘No breakfast so Elevenses,’ he thought.

Waiting in the queue at the bakery, Tim felt rather than heard a quiet voice whisper. “Well done to you. You’ve begun to learn. It will be interesting to see how you deal with the next stage.”

He turned and saw a small lady with a cane leaving the shop. By the time he had thought ‘should I chase after or not’ she was out of sight. But not out of mind.

‘What changes? What next!’ Tim wondered. And as he did so, he felt the tug as the stockings, that Djan had this morning insisted that he wear, tug slightly and slither interestingly over his bare thighs as he collected his small pasty. There was something so dreadfully interesting about these new feelings – not just the clothes, although they were already feeling very special – but the appalling and aweful recognition that he was learning to be interested in other people. That other people mattered to him. That Djan and Anika, as the most obvious example, their opinions of him mattered. That at the meeting last night, he had felt some of the pain of those woman, and yes he felt a jolt of almost pleasure as he easily re-labelled them ‘women’
He knew that now he had experimented with, or rather, he had been helped to experiment and experience a taste of T; next would be finding out about what his mind still called the gays. “Oh ye gods, not more changes,” he murmured.

A person like Tim should not call out to another god or gods when one god, albeit a little one, already had made plans and sworn oaths.

By his normal end of day at 5.30, Tim was exhausted and had only begun to start on his official work. These new duties were nearly overwhelming him. He had re-written his leaflet a couple more times but more tinkering than actual improvement. At the very end of the day, HR had eventually agreed to let him see the application from the man he would be working with tomorrow.

All Tim’s worst fears were confirmed.

The newbie was indeed a man – but born female. His name was Suleiman Nurti – a foreigner from the North Africa originally, clearly brighter than Tim with two good degrees. Quite short, dark skinned obviously. The fractionally-experienced Tim could see the original girl’s amazing, almost beautiful eyes behind the thin beard. In a moment of insight, Tim wondered just how difficult any attempt at transition had been in a county with muslim traditions. How wrong would it be to ask? And he knew the answer had to be ‘you can’t ask’. But he also knew that the Suleiman’s exterior would make a lot of people talk and wonder and, probably, talk directly to Suleiman about. How would Suleiman deal with this? How many times would Tim have to decide ‘is this proper or improper’ and how would he cope? He could see the pile on his desk grow ever taller while he had to deal with these enormous and very distracting issues. He whimpered faintly as he made a guess that this newbie might even be some complicated form of ‘gay'. And, in the context, what might 'gay' mean?

He knew that in some way this was part of this next test. What was going to happen next? He was going to have to try to bend and twist and untwist himself in so many hard hard ways.

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One continuation would be for Tim to fail very badly in some way - and for the repercussions to be horrid. I'm not sure how to write that sort of a piece. AP