A DIFFERENT SUMMER

Monday morning the Head announced that the two lads who had apologised to me had completed their punishment and would now be back in their normal clothes, and no further action would be taken against them. The parents of the other two had withdrawn them from our school as they did not agree with the punishment, and they would only come back to take their exams before transferring to another school next term. Nobody would miss them, they were quite unpopular even before stealing my clothes.

Tuesday afternoon Sally and I walked together into our English Literature class and when we entered the room we saw a strange new face at the teacher’s desk.

“ Good morning everyone, I am Mr Shepherd , I will be covering Miss Fraser’s classes while she is away on a refresher course.” which raised a few smiles and giggles as everyone knew that she had been been severely reprimanded, suspended, and sent on anti-discrimination and human relationship courses for the way she had treated me.

“ I believe she had asked you all to review the text of ‘As You Like It’ for discussion the morning and that some of you,…er…. Kim Sally and Paul, have been selected to read some extracts which will form the basis for our discussions. To check whether you have actually read the text all the way through, not just the first few pages, I have selected extracts towards the end of the play. I know that the three of you are not actors but I would like the parts to be read with a bit of expression and character not just mumbled bland reading. I have printed off the sections that you are to read, you have five minutes to quickly look through the script and get into character, so to speak, any other characters’ parts will be read by me. The rest of you are to keep your books closed so will have to listen carefully and be attentive as I will be asking you questions and looking for comments afterwards."

“We’ll take it from Act IV Scene I in the forest, starting with Orlando’s speech “My fair Rosalind, I come within an hour of my promise.” down to Celia’s “ And I’ll sleep.” We will then read from Act V Scene II from Orlando’s “ You have my consent. Let your wedding be to-morrow” down to Rosalind’s “for if you will be married to-morrow, you shall, and to Rosalind, if you will.” and finish with Act V, Scene IV from Rosalind’s “Patience once more, whiles our compact is urged”, down to Rosalind’s “You’ll marry her if she refuse me: and from hence I go”

Sally, Paul, and I gave it a good go trying our best to act out the words rather than just read them, and the class actually behaved and listened in silence. Sally was a lot luckier than Paul and I, most of the lines were for Rosalind and Orlando.

“Many thanks to our three actors, you did well, you can now go and sit down and relax and listen while I discuss this with the others. Right class, who wants to start us off and tell me what that was all about?”

For the first time my class seemed to show an interest in Shakespeare’s plays, previously it had seemed dry and boring, but having the three of us act out the scenes and Mr Shepherd’s easy-going and friendly manner led to a lively discussion and the lesson drew to a close before we knew it.

On the way-out Mr Shepherd kept the three of us back for a few minutes, as he wanted to talk to us.

“ You read those parts really well, the way you put the spirit into the characters really helped to keep the interest of the others. If I was a permanent teacher here rather than a locum I would be setting up a drama club and you three would be the first I would ask to join. As it is I am only here for a short time, but I run a youth drama group in town and if any of you are interested I would be glad to see you there. Have a think about it and let me know.” Sally and I said we would think about it, but Paul opted out, saying that he didn’t think it was for him.

We rushed of to Miss Standing’s design class, settled in and when she was free I called her over and showed her how far I had got with the skirt but needed her advice on gathering it into the waistband and fitting the concealed waist ties. Talking me through it and starting me off, she left me to finish it off, which did not take too long once I knew what to do. All finished I held it up against me to see how it hung and check the length, and she came back over to check it out.

“ That looks really good and you have finished it well. Let’s see what it looks like on, take off your uniform skirt and change into it.”

“Where can I get changed?”

“ Don’t be shy, just do it there, it’s only us girls in here, and anyway I’ve heard that you were in with the girls in the sports changing room and most of them will have seen a lot more of you than what you will show here.”

She was right, what did it matter, what would they see, so I just unzipped my skirt dropped it to the floor and pulled up my new one.

“ That fits really well, although it is an inch or two too long, you need to redo the hem and it will be perfect. You have really picked up the sewing techniques quickly, it is almost to professional standard. That type of skirt is really at its best for lively dancing, give us a few quick twirls and we’ll see how it flares out and swings about.” I loved the soft flowing texture and the way it lifted and swirled as I danced and the effect of the colourful material flashing like a rainbow.

As I danced around there was a rhythmic clapping from the other girls who had all stopped their work to watch. I dropped a quick curtsey, slightly reluctantly changed back into my uniform skirt and sat down to take up the hem and get started on the blouse.

“ That skirt looked lovely,” Sally said as we walked home, “I might make one myself, it will be so cool for the summer. What did you think of Mr Shepherd then, and about his idea of the drama group?”

“I thought he held the class’s attention quite well got them all throwing in their comments on the play, and on our acting, and made it all interesting, so much better than Miss Fraser, and he’s quite young and cute too.”

“ Cute…Cute, you are turning into quite a brazen little hussy Kim, no fluttering your eyelashes at him.”

I blushed heavily, had I really called him cute?

“ I think I might give the drama group a try, after our exams, as long as they are not doing anything too heavy, I think I am more of a light drama or musical or comedy type, are you in with me Sally?”

“ Why not, it might be fun, but I hope it is because you fancy doing it, not because you fancy cute Mr Shepherd.” I gave her a playful little punch on her arm and a broad smile in reply, but wondered whether there might be something in what she had said

The next few weeks were more of the same, studying for our exams, and completing our sewing projects. As a bit of light relief the various girls’ design classes put on a fashion show for the other girls in the school and we all strutted our stuff on the stage, hamming it up a bit like catwalk supermodels. Most of the outfits were passable, some were as good as anything found in the shops, and mine went down particularly well. I was asked if I could make something similar for about a dozen girls. I referred them to Mam’s shop which she had said she wanted me to work in during the school holidays anyway. She had never asked me before but now I was living full-time as a girl, it was much more appropriate and in keeping..

Because Sally and I had been working on our homework together, helping each other on their weaker subjects, the exams all seemed a lot easier and we both ended up with our best grades ever. Every subject moved up a grade or two, or in my case 3 levels in history, which had never previously interested me. Sally had made a lot of it come alive for me, talking about the people involved and their relationships with each other rather than just the battles they had fought or countries they had discovered and colonised. Her science and geography grades improved too thanks to my coaching and explanations. What we had been learning that year had not been over-challenging, and when I explained things slowly and in a way she could follow, a lot of it clicked into place and she was graded top girl in both subjects. We had worked well together and promised to continue to help each other again next year, when we would be taking national externally-assessed exams.

Normally I would be looking forward to the summer break enjoying myself with computer games or TV, almost always on my own as nobody seemed interested in doing things with me, but everything had changed and I was looking forward to a much busier time this year .

After our school fashion show, Mam put my outfit on display in the shop and she already had a few serious enquiries and orders that she wanted me to make. My designs had brought a lot of younger girls into the shop which they had never thought of visiting before, and most brought their mothers with them, mainly to pay the bills rather than for any fashion guidance. From this Mam found a lot of new customers, and picked up a couple more weddings for later in the year and even into next spring. If people wanted bespoke dresses and outfits rather than off the shelf stuff from national brands they were prepared to pay large amounts for the privilege, and Mam was beginning to be the ‘go-to’ supplier in town.

When school finished I started working full time in the shop, a lot of my time was making up outfits similar to my peasant skirt and gypsy top, but obviously all were slightly different in style or material, after all no girl wants look like a clone, do they?

One of my first customers was Sally who didn’t know that I was making a set up for her, I had enough of her clothes to know her sizes and didn’t need to involve her until I was finished. She was delighted because she had planned to make something similar herself but hadn’t started yet, and was even more pleased when she was told that it was a free gift for all the help and advice she had given me. When she tried it all on she was so pleased that she left the shop wearing it home, the skirt swinging in the light breeze and the sway of her hips.

A lot of the girls from school came in, some to order my outfit, some just to to browse and some to ask me to run up a particular design for them, usually similar to something they had seen a TV presenter or pop star wearing, which probably cost at least 50 times what I was charging. I was becoming more and more adept with the sewing machine, learning from my Mam and improving to the level that she was letting me work on some of the outfits for the Bridal party. Obviously people were paying a lot of money for the wedding and Mam couldn’t afford to spoil the day by any amateurish work and everything I did was closely examined to ensure that it was up to her standards.

Mam and I took turns minding the shop while the other worked in her studio, and depending on which type of customers came in we swapped about if they preferred to be served by a younger or more mature person. We were both very busy, me with orders for my outfits and helping Mam with all the wedding dresses that had been ordered.

I still found time to meet up regularly with Sally after work and we decided to go down to see the drama group that Mr Shepherd was involved with. There was nobody from our school there so there was little chance of my background coming up. I was just seen as another teen actress wannabe by most of the members, particularly the girls who had visions of their lead roles being taken from them. They had just started rehearsals for the musical ‘Grease’ which was going to be their big pre-Christmas show.

We were too late for any of the major parts, which actually suited us, as we were unsure as to whether we were going to stay involved. We were both given parts in the chorus of the Pink Ladies, with Sally understudying Betty Rizzo the leader of the Pink Ladies and me understudying the lead role of Sandy. Our basic roles were relatively small but we would also needed to learn the parts of the main characters in case they were ever unable to perform for some reason. We found out that we were chosen as the understudies, not because of talent or ability or favouritism, but because we were the nearest in size to the girls in the main roles and if we had to take over the costumes would not need much alteration work.

Any illusions or thoughts we may have had about Mr Shepherd were dashed when we found out that ‘Sandy’ was his long- term girlfriend Josie.

It was early stages so rather than acting it out on stage it was all just script reading so that we could all get a feel for our parts and their character. We decided that this show sounded like fun and that we would see it through, but drop out after Christmas when we would be studying hard for our exams.

After the reading rehearsal Sally and I were chatting in the warm evening sun surrounded by the scent of honeysuckle in our garden and she said that as I had been so busy, she had been getting together with Jane, one of the girls from school, and they had sketched out a few designs that they thought would go down well with other mid-teen girls, and asked if we would be interested in trying them out in the shop. I promised to put it to Mam, but the decision had to be hers, we couldn’t afford any disruption while we were so busy.

“ That sounds a good idea Kim, but we don’t really have the time, I am up to my eyeballs with the wedding outfits and need your help with those. However if the girls want to come in and work their ideas up themselves I am quite happy to let them use our spare machine and put their stuff on sale in the shop, particularly if they can share the front-of-house duties with us. Depending on how hard they work we can afford to pay them a small amount, but they have to treat it as work experience and not expect too much.”

“ I’ll tell them it’s ok then, to be honest I don’t think they were looking to get paid, they just wanted the opportunity to see how their designs turned out, and I think that they will jump at the chance.”

Sally and Jane were over the moon at the opportunity and our little enterprise suddenly went from a one-person operation to a 4-staff company. Mam looked over their designs and generally liked what she saw, but she also found some difficult or time-consuming aspects to actually produce and suggested slight changes to their designs to make them quicker and easier to make up and in some cases cheaper materials or trimmings that would work just as well but at half the price. Price would be a big factor in whether they sold or not, a lot of teenage girls have a ‘wear once or twice and throw-away’ mentality fuelled by cheap Chinese and Indian imports at Primark and the supermarkets, although that was not the target market we couldn’t afford to be too pricey either.

The girls came in for a few lessons and trials in using our commercial machines instead of the more domestic ones they had used at school. They were faster and more flexible with more stitching options, but Sally and Jane soon learned and adjusted and could be left unsupervised while we got on with our own work.

While the girls were preparing samples for Mam to check out before they went into the shop, I started to think about new designs. My line was fine for the summer holidays, sales were steady but easing off, most people already had their summer outfits. I definitely needed to change styles for autumn and winter sales, and even as far ahead as party dresses for Christmas and New Year, and once school started again my time in the shop would be limited.

Except when customers needed more attention, Mam worked mainly in the studio on the wedding outfits, and us three girls looked after the shop in turns, but there was usually at least two of us in the studio workshop. While the shop was organised and tidy, sometimes with three of having work laid out at times in the studio it often looked like a bomb had hit the place, and there was a constant babble of chatter while we were working.

My designs were still selling well and the dresses and outfits from Jane and Sally were bringing more new customers, and whilst most of our clothes were on the cheaper rails , Mam was also pulling in a lot of orders for more wedding outfits, not just for the bride and her entourage, but for the mothers of the bride and groom too. Our time was mostly taken up by working in the shop and workshop, but we all found time to have some holiday breaks as well, one at a time. When Mam and I had our break, Sally’s mum, Carol, looked after things for us, production was not her thing, but she was able to deal with sales and generally manage everything.

When we were away for a long weekend, Mam sat me done for what she said was a serious chat.

“ Kim, you have been living full-time as a girl for a couple of months now, I can’t remember the last time I looked at you and saw a boy. It’s not just the clothes and hair and things, but working with me and the girls you have picked up a lot of our mannerisms, the way we talk and express ourselves, even the way we walk and stand. The longer you continue like this, the harder it will be to turn back the clock. Unless you intend to take it a stage further I really think you ought to consider going back to school as a boy.”

“ I don’t know Mam, I am still only young and haven’t decided yet what I want to do with my life. I have another three years at school, before going to Uni or starting work, and I think that for the moment I would like to stay as a girl, probably seeing out my time at school if they will allow it and if it is ok with you. People at school have got used to me presenting as a girl and nobody makes any comments or jokes now, that is if they even notice.

You know that I have never been very popular and have had no real friends, but I am now actually enjoying life, people like me, I have found things I like doing that I never would have thought of, dressmaking and needlecraft, working in the shop with you, being successful at sports with the girls playing netball, more exotic cooking, sitting chatting with you being more of a family, having friends like Sally that I can trust and rely on and generally feeling that I belong.

The clothes all started it off, but despite what people say they are incidentals, part of the uniform for life. Yes, in many ways girls’ clothes are more fun, exciting and comfortable but in the end I get up in the morning and get dressed without thinking ‘I’m wearing ‘girls’ clothes’, I am just putting on ‘my clothes’ for school or work. For the moment I just want to continue as I am, I may come to realise that I am following an impossible dream, or that I have made a big mistake, but I am not there just now, I am content and happy living as a girl.”

“ Wow, that is a bit of a speech. Unfortunately if that is what you want we can’t just drift along. You should have started growing and muscling up by now, with your voice changing , growing facial hair and all the rest, but you haven’t and I think we need to keep it like that. I have been reading up on this, and it seems that there are what are called androgen-blockers, which stop male hormones changing your body, normally without any long-term effects if ever you want to stop using them. we need to see our doctor to see what she can offer. When we get back home we will set up an appointment for you.”

“ Ok Kim you make a very convincing-looking girl but do you really want to be a girl?”

“ I’m not sure Dr Scott, but at the moment I don’t want to be a man either, I want to keep living as a girl, but without doing anything that can’t be undone.”

“ Subject to anything that shows up on a blood test and analysis, and an examination, I can prescribe something like your mother has told you about, which will effectively put your development on hold, but you can’t take them forever, sooner or later you will have to decide whether to stop. or to start a course of female hormones and possibly surgery to completely change your gender. With your mother’s permission I can prescribe you the anti-androgens, but if you want the female hormone treatment or surgery I will have to refer you to a specialist. I’m afraid that unless you see specialists that the drugs are not free on the NHS and you will have to pay for them.”

“ If Mam agrees and is happy to pay for the drugs I would like to go with that please.”

“ Before that, let me examine you and check out all your basic functions, please strip down to your underwear.”

After a lot of prodding poking and soundings she said that I was generally in good condition.

“However I can obviously see that you are wearing false breasts, I hope that you do take them off occasionally , clean the skin and let it breath at least overnight. You also tuck yourself to hide your genitals, again you should let them free regularly. Whilst you do make a good job of concealing yourself, I’m sure that it is not convenient having to fiddle about to re-tuck yourself every time that you go to the loo. Do you ever get into situations where people can see you in just your underwear or even naked?”

“The only time really is in the changing room and shower with the girls for PE and sports and a couple of times in a swimsuit on the beach. Neither has been a problem, the girls at school don’t really notice I am there, I’m just another girl getting changed, and at the beach nobody can really tell and they can’t really come over for a close look can they?

“ My god, if you are regularly in the changing rooms with the girls there could be a lot of trouble for your school, let’s get your Mam in here.”

“ Kim has told me that he is often semi-naked in a room full of girls, that could lead to all sorts of accusations, even though he is always concealed. I apologise, but for this discussion I must refer to Kim as a male. What I can do, if you agree, is to tuck him properly, fix it all up with surgical glue, and to all intents and purposes he will present himself as having a female groin, even when naked. It is a simple quick procedure it is fully reversible and perfectly safe if done properly, do you want me to do it now? If we do this I need you to watch, as at least once a month it all needs to be undone and reinstated, can you cope with that.”

“ If Kim is happy, if it is all reversible, if it is not uncomfortable or impractical and if it is what Kim wants, I am quite prepared to go along with it. Did you say you have time to do this now?”

I couldn’t remember any time that anyone had played around with my genitals so much but Dr Scott was very professional and calming, explaining all the steps she was taking as she went along. After a long session of prodding and poking, pushing my boy’s bits effectively back inside me and folding and glueing everything together to hold it all in place, it was soon completed. Mam and I were amazed at how realistic and believable it all was.

We left the surgery with me now virtually unmistakably female, and with prescription drugs and supplies to keep me that way for months. Although I had long been sitting when going for a wee, I no longer had a choice and the tinkling of the flow now sounded just like the girls I’d heard in the next cubicles, and personal hygiene and using a tissue afterwards became much more important.

The next few weeks before going back to school were hectic completing the order for the wedding and doing the planning and ordering of material for the next one. It was all hands on the deck, with Mam and I doing most of the decorative dressmaking and the others doing the cutting out and simple hemming and suchlike, but we managed it in time and the bridal party were delighted. Sally and Jane were even roped in as models for photos for our catalogue and web page, unfortunately there was nothing my size in the order so I missed out on the chance to be displayed as a bridesmaid, maybe next time.

Mam informed the school that I would be returning for the foreseeable future as a girl, and would expect to be treated as one in all respects including course allocation and selection, sports activities and using the girls’ changing and toilet facilities and the getting the respect and consideration given to other girls. They readily agreed as they still had Carol’s threat of the TV station news report hanging over them.

As us three girls were going back to school and would only be available for the shop on Saturdays, Carol started working full time with Mam, mainly looking after the shop and keeping the accounts while Mam did the clever work in the studio and workshop.

Because of all the rush and bustle at work over the last few weeks, Sally, Jane, and I hadn’t really had much time to relax and unwind as we normally would during the summer break and get ourselves into the right frame of mind for the return to school. On our last Sunday the three of us went down to the beach, only this time we wore bikinis instead of swimsuits like the last time Sally and I were here.

It was glorious day, clear azure skies, the bright sun heating the sand warming our feet, the fresh salty seaside smell of ozone and brine, and Instead of being shop employees we went back to being teenage girls again, sunbathing, swimming, jumping around in the water, even having a go on body boards in the surf and generally having fun.

Jane insisted that we join in with some boys playing volleyball for a while giving her and Sally a chance to flirt a bit, although for obvious reasons I played it a lot more low-key. Surprisingly our netball training seemed to have given us an eye for the movement of the ball and anticipation, and we really surprised the boys with how good we were. We hung out with them for a while, they bought us ice creams and lemonade and generally flirted with us. Another year older and Jane and Sally would probably have fixed up dates, but for the moment they were happy just getting a bit of attention.

The girls couldn’t believe how natural I looked in the bikini and that there was no sign of my being a boy. After I explained to them them how and why, and what Dr Scott had done for me, they insisted on having a look for themselves later.

Back in Sally’s bedroom they made me lie down on the bed and splay my legs as if I was having an obs/gyn examination, which they said was an occasional need for girls to go through if they were having any health problems in that respect. I gave them what they wanted, dropped my skirt and knickers. they couldn’t believe what they saw, or rather didn’t see.

“ Wow that’s fantastic, I wouldn’t have believed it, are you sure that your boy-bits all still there somewhere? Wait till the girls in the shower see you, their jaws will drop.” Jane screamed, and Sally grinned and said “ if they had done any more to you you would really need the pads when we are on. You must keep going with that by the way to just keep you switched on mentally, but with realistic boobs and a believable vagina that should not be too difficult.” Girls are amazing, the way they share intimate secrets and compare each others bodies and discuss medical problems, any similar touching, intimate discussions, and close detailed inspection would not go down well amongst a group of boys.

We all had a big group hug to celebrate a happy and productive summer together, promised to all get back to working together in the shop at half-term and for holidays and vowed to remain close friends forever.

In the time since this all started, my hair had grown enough to be styled in a mid-length Pixie cut and I made my first visit to a beauty salon to get my hair trimmed, styled, and streaked. Mam had also arranged for me to get a full set of beauty treatments, my eyebrows shaped, my nails shaped and glossed ( we weren’t allowed to have coloured nail polish in school ), and the odds bits of fluff hair on my arms and legs waxed away, which was the only bit of it that I did not particularly enjoy. By the time I was finished there was no trace of boy left and when I returned to school I would just blend in with the other girls.

To be continued