“Robin, have you any plans for today” asked my Mam.
“ No, I was just going to mess around on my computer, the weather is pretty awful, so the lads won’t be out playing football or on their bikes. Why are you asking, is there something you want me to do?
“I’ve just had a call from Robert who is supposed to be at the call centre today with Jennie and me, and he has a problem with his car and won’t be able to make it in. Do you fancy coming in with me and just generally helping out, running messages, making the tea, answering the door and things like that. It’s a holiday weekend and things often get busy and I expect that Jennie and I will be tied up on the phone most of the day.”
My Mam volunteers as a counsellor at the local office of ‘The Samaritans’, often taking very sad calls from people thinking about suicide or major self-harm, due to depression, stress, marital breakdown, abuse, life-threatening injuries or illness, and general thoughts about not being able to carry on. Where she can, she tries to calm the caller down and get them to think that their problems can be dealt with and overcome, and often pulls them back from the brink and refers them to appropriate counsellors or self-help groups, but unfortunately she is not always successful. It is a confidential service and unless someone has taken a drug overdose, or needs urgent medical attention, or is threatening to jump off a high building, the Samaritans try to deal with it on a confidential one-to-one basis which can involve long discussions with the caller.
I had nothing better to do and so I went in with her to the ‘office’, which really was nothing more than a converted semi-detached house on the edge of town. I had been in with her before and knew that there would be lots of quiet periods for me that I could fill playing games on my tablet and was looking forward to it.
At first I was left in peace to amuse myself, just making tea and coffee for Mam and Jennie who were being kept busy constantly taking and dealing with calls. It was a holiday weekend and this often emphasised feelings of loneliness and despair amongst people already suffering from emotional and mental stress, leading to thoughts of ending it all and leaving their cares and worries behind. Obviously I only knew what was going on in general terms, Mam was not allowed to discuss details of any of their calls with me, and as I was only 15 and had had no training I was not allowed to take or listen in to any of the calls.
After a couple of hours of doing not very much, I went out to get some sandwiches for us all for lunch and as I went back in Mam and Jennie were in the middle of what sounded like quite intense phone discussions, and signalled to me that they would be a long time with these callers.
The third phone, on Robert’s desk, rang out shrilly, but I ignored it as I was under strict instructions not to take calls. However it was left ringing for a minute or so and then cut off, immediately starting again, someone was obviously desperate to talk. Ignoring everything I had been told I answered the call, “Hello, Samaritans can I help you?”
“ I’m desperate, my life is a mess, nobody cares about me, and I am going to take lots of pills and kill myself” It sounded like a young girl, sobbing as she was talking to me.
I couldn’t get the attention of Jennie or Mam, they seemed to be having serious problems of their own, so I decided to try to keep the caller talking until they became free.
“My name is Robin, I’m not supposed to be talking to you, but you sound like you need a friendly voice to listen to you, and our trained counsellors are all busy at the moment. You sound very young, like me, I may be able to understand what you are going through if you want to talk to me.”
“Thank you Robin, you sound kind and caring, it may really be better talking to another young girl than to the adults, you can probably appreciate the problems better than they will, and grown-ups always talk down to you and tell you not to be silly.”
As she seemed to be a little bit calmer, I didn’t correct her impression that I was a girl, the problems may be about boyfriend troubles that a lot of teenage girls get depressed about and that she wouldn’t want to discuss with a boy. It sometimes annoyed me that, at 15 years old, puberty had not yet kicked in with me, my voice had not yet broken and I still sang in the choir as a soprano, I was shorter and more slightly built than all my friends and classmates and with my shaggy collar-length hair i was often mistaken for a girl, but Mam told me not to worry, some people just developed later than others. My name didn’t help either as Robin was becoming a fashionable name for girls as well as being traditional for boys
“Would you like to tell me your name, it will make it easier to talk with you, it doesn’t have to be your real name just something you would like me to call you.
“ Call me Josie, it’s not my proper name but that’s what I call myself, I prefer it to Josephine.”
“Ok Josie, can you tell me why you think nobody cares about you, I can’t believe that is true, you must have family or friends who you can talk to and who you get on with.”
“I get bullied by the girls at school, not in front of the teachers but usually when we are outside, and I am getting lots of horrible messages on Facebook and emails. My parents are not interested and tell me just to ignore them, but some of them are really spiteful.”
“ Do you know who is sending them to you and why they are picking on you?”
“They all come from addresses that I don’t recognise and don’t belong to any of my friends, although most of them are only Facebook “friends’ and don’t really have much to do with me in real life. Whoever it is seems to know a lot about me and what I am doing, I feel like they are following me. They tell me I am fat and ugly and have no personality, and that everybody would be happier if I just went away.”
“Look Josie, lots of people get bullied, it’s wrong but it happens. If you take the pills you are letting them win, is that really what you want, wouldn’t it be better to try to get things sorted out with them?”
“Can I meet you to talk about this, it’s not the same over the phone. I really think that talking face-to-face will be a lot better. I’ll be near the bandstand in the park in about half an hour.”
“I will have to speak to the people in charge here, as I said, I am only helping out and I think it is against the rules to meet callers, but I promise I will try to get there.”
When Mam got off the phone I told her about the call from Josie and that she had asked to meet me to talk, and that I was worried that if I did not turn up that she may take some pills.
“I told you not to answer the phone, it was to save you getting into situations like this. Do you think she was serious or is it just a cry for someone to help her.”
“ I don’t know, I think she just wanted to talk to another girl like her to tell about her problems. From the way our Karen behaved when she was my age, you should know how emotional girls can get.”
If you go to meet her, you have a couple of problems. Firstly she thinks you are a girl and if Robin the boy turns up you might frighten her and upset her. Secondly I am worried that if she panics and does anything stupid that you are not trained in dealing with the situation.”
“You know that I am often taken for a girl, I could go home and borrow some of the stuff Karen has left at home when she went off to university and I think I could get away with it. I think that if you turned up with me that she would run away, she did say that she felt that grown -ups would not understand and would just think she was being silly. What I could do is leave my mobile phone connected to you so you could listen in and if you were nearby you could come over if things were getting out of hand.”
“ It goes against all the rules I am suppose to follow, but it might be worth doing what you have said. Go home and get changed and I’ll be on a bench just along from the bandstand. I’ll give Robert another call and see if his car is fixed yet and if he can come into the office to cover for me.”
I made my way home and into Karen’s bedroom, where she had still left a load of clothes that she didn’t need at uni, and had a rummage in her wardrobe and drawers. I found a pair of skinny stretch jeans, and a long chunky wooly jumper that came down over my thighs, and a pair of her old trainers which just about fitted me. I gave my hair a brush and combed down and trimmed a fringe, added a couple of side combs to keep the sides tidy and look a bit more girly, found some lipstick and was ready to go. i thought that I looked like a typical casually-dressed teenage girl, not too feminine or over the top, but presentable and actually not bad looking. I dug out a small shoulder bag for somewhere to put my keys, phone, my wallet, some tissues, and a few other bits and pieces
When I arrived at the bandstand there was no sign of Josie, but I saw my Mam sitting on a bench about 50 yards away reading a magazine. I sat down and waited for Josie and five minutes later she came and sat down beside me, her eyes and cheeks were all red, she had obviously been crying.
“Are you Robin?”
“ I am, you must be Josie, I’m so glad you came and haven’t done anything silly. here’s a tissue, wipe your eyes and tell me more about this bullying and we’ll have a think about what to do. By the way, you are not fat or ugly, you are actually very pretty, so don’t let stupid comments worry you about that.”
“I’m not very popular at school, because I get good grades for my work, and am often asked to playtime piano in our music classes as I am told that i am quite good, everybody thinks I am a swot and a teacher’s pet. There is one group of girls who are always making spiteful remarks about me when nobody else can hear, and they are always accidentally-on-purpose bumping into me or tripping me up or stealing my things, they are horrid and make me so miserable. I can’t even get away from them out of school, they know my mobile phone number, email address and Facebook account and I’m sure that it is them that are leaving the horrible messages.”
“Have you told your teachers, most schools have a strict anti-bullying policy nowadays?”
“I can’t say too much, one of the girl’s is the Headmistress’s daughter and her and her friends are all the in-crowd at school, and are popular with everybody except me, I’m sure that they will believe her rather than me. And when I talked to my parents all they could say is stand up to them and they will go away, they so do not have a clue.”
“What about friends, is there nobody you can hang around with to keep an eye on you.”
“ Like i said, they are the in-crowd and people do not want to get on the wrong side of them.”
“In a way, your parents are right, if you let them see that they are upsetting you it will only encourage them to do it again, but if you just let it go or even laugh it off, they will soon get bored and go and pick on somebody else.”
“But I wouldn’t want them to pick on somebody else, I just want them to stop being nasty.”
“Right, the first thing to do is easy, why don’t you set up new email and social media accounts and only give the details to a very small group of people that you really really trust and need to keep in touch with, and leave the accounts you have now for the people you are not bothered about. At least that will mean you don’t have to look at nasty messages so much.”
“ You seem to know what you are talking about, will you help me, all my accounts were set up for me and I am not very good with computers. I know how to use the programs but not how to change them.”
“ If you promise that you will drop this idea of taking pills, I will be happy to help, and at least you will have one friend, me, to share your troubles with, agreed?”
“ Are you doing anything now, can you come round to my house and start me off?”
“Let me give my Mam a call, to let her know what I am doing, then we can go to yours.”
I took out my phone, which had been left on an open call to my Mam, pretended to dial and after a short pause spoke to her.
“ I’ve met up with a friend and am going round to her house for a bit, I will see you at home later, OK.”
“ I heard everything, you handled that very well, I’m proud of you. You go off with Josie and keep reassuring her, and don’t forget you are supposed to be a girl, don’t go all boy computer geek with her. Bye pet, take care, love you.”
We soon got to Josie’s home, which was much grander than I had imagined, it was a big house in its own walled grounds in a very affluent part of town with a big sweeping drive up to the front door. She let us in, introduced me to her mother and we went up to her room to sort out her social media accounts. It did not take long to set up her new accounts and send out emails giving her new email address and Facebook account, and transfer the trusted contacts from her address book to the new accounts. That was the easy bit, the next bit took a while longer. We deleted a lot of her contacts, many of whom were friends of friends of friends and were not really necessary which left only about 20 contacts, including the girls who were bullying her and their circle of friends.
“Ok, let’s leave it for a few days and see if you get any more messages, and if you do we will know that they are coming from the people we left on the list. Let’s post a reply on your old account to one of the nasty messages telling them to stop bothering you. If they come back with more comments we will know that it is one of the people still on your old list.”
“You’re brilliant Robin, I would never have thought of all that, I feel much more relaxed now that you are helping me.” We sat in her room and talked for a while, telling each other all about ourselves, although mine was obviously a variation of the truth. We were the same age but did not go to the same schools, I went to the local comprehensive/academy, whereas Josie went to a small fee-paying private girl’s school across town, so I did not know any of the people who were bothering her, but recognised some of the names from businesses in the town. My family and hers moved in very different social circles.
“Josie, Robin,” her Mum called up, “I’ve put out a few cakes and sandwiches, and some coffee, in the conservatory, do you want to come down for a chat.”
“ I’ve not seen you around here before Robin, how do you know Josie? Do you go to her school?”
“No, I knew her many years ago at First School, and we met in the park a few weeks ago, realised that we had known each other, and just started talking, and have seen each other a few times since.”
“ It’s good that she has found a friend, I am worried about her, she never seems to want to go out and is always shut away in her room, I hope to see you more often, she seems a bit happier today.”
“Do you know she has been getting bullied at school and getting nasty messages on social media, that is why she has been so worried about going out, as you know teenage girls can have a nasty bitchy streak if you are not in their clique. It is making her really depressed.” Josie glared at me challenging me not to get involved any further
“She did mention it but I thought it was just teenage angst, and that it would soon go away, I didn’t realise that it was so serious.” Turning to her daughter she said “I’m so sorry darling, what can I do to help?”
“I’m ok at the moment Mum, Robin is helping me with the nasty messages and it has helped having someone to talk to. Let’s just leave it for a few days and see what happens, and if there is anything you need to do, I’ll tell you and talk to you, if you promise to listen and take me seriously.”
“Robin, it’s getting late, let me drive you home.” Her Mum drove me the mile or so to my home and Mam’s car was already on the drive, she must have just got home. Mam had seen us arrive and came out to see who it was and invited Josie’s Mum in.
“Hello, I’m Julie Marshall, Robin has been with my Josie this afternoon and I thought I’d bring her back. You have a very caring daughter in Robin, I’ve not seen Josie so relaxed for weeks, she has been having problems, but talking with Robin seems to have helped her perk up.”
Without saying that she worked with the Samaritans, Mum told her that she was involved with counselling and that some of it must have rubbed off on me.
“No disrespect to Robin, but if you have some background and training, would you be prepared to come and meet Josie, as Robin’s Mum, not as a counsellor, and see if you think she needs proper support. If you can, why not come round for tea tomorrow and we can chat a bit more.”
“Yes that would be fine, I look forward to it, I’m Sarah Campbell by the way, we’ll be round at about three o’clock if that’s ok.”
When Mrs Marshall had left Mam grinned at me and said “Thats a fine mess you’ve got yourself into, you do realise that you will have to continue to be a girl while we are dealing with this, don’t you ? Sit down and you can tell me everything that has happened so that we get our stories straight tomorrow.” Mam had heard my talk in the park on her phone already, so I filled her in on what I had done to the social media accounts, and what we had talked about.
“ Right, luckily your father is away for a couple of weeks on business and we don’t have to worry about him, I’m not sure what he would think of you dressing as a girl. You didn’t do too bad today, just throwing a few casual clothes together, but we will have to make a bit more effort tomorrow. Get stripped off and let me have a look at you. Ok, you are not too bulky and we should be able to use some of Karen’s stuff, but you are beginning to get a bit of fuzz on your arms and legs, we’ll have to get rid of that. Go and have a shower and wash your hair, properly mind, and use conditioner afterwards and leave it on until I’m finished with you.”
I was all washed and scrubbed when Mum came into the shower room with a big tub of Veet hair removal cream, which she applied all over my body arms and legs. “Leave that on for five minutes and I will come back and check it has done its job.” Five minutes later she checked a test area to see that it had been effective and told me to wash it all off and rinse all the conditioner out of my hair. When I was clean and dry she rubbed a moisturiser all over my skin and told me to have a look in the mirror. I was surprised, I had been getting quite proud that I was at last beginning to get a bit of body hair, but now it had all gone and my skin was as smooth and clear as a girl’s.
“I’ve laid out some clothes for you to see how they fit, put on the knickers and I’ll help you with the bra, it takes a bit of getting used to before you will be able to do it easily yourself. Your sister was a late developer, if you know what I mean, and needed a bit of help up top for a while, so she had some enhancers, silicone gel pads, to give her a bit of shape, we’ll put these in the bra which should be enough for someone your build and age.”
“It’s still warm outside so we’ll not bother with tights, just put on the skirt and top and sandals and come downstairs and we’ll see how you look.” She had left me a short denim skirt which only went halfway down my thighs and a tight cotton stretch top with really clung to my breasts (my breasts?) and waist, and a pair of open-toed sling-back sandals with a 2” wedge heel. Not being used to the heels and the short skirt I gingerly made my way down to Mam in the kitchen. taking short careful steps.
“ Hey, you are looking quite good, you are actually a lot like Karen did at your age, let’s see what we can do with your hair and that should finish you off.” She brushed and combed and teased and cut and sprayed for a while and then showed me what she had done in a mirror. I couldn’t believe what she had done, my shaggy unkempt style was now sitting in a long pageboy style with centre-parted fringes and I looked really girly.
“ If you are going to be natural with Mrs Marshall tomorrow you need to practice moving, talking, sitting and generally behaving as a girl, so you will stay dressed like that for the rest of the day. Come on grab a coat, we are going to the supermarket, we need some groceries and toiletries and things.”
I thought she was joking, but she was insistent, and I was forced to make my first trip outside in girls clothes ( I didn’t really count the jeans and jumper I had worn earlier as real girl’s clothes, and I didn’t have boobs then either ).
I was terrified when we went into the supermarket, convinced that everyone would recognise me as a boy, but nobody said anything or gave me funny looks so I slowly relaxed and just got on with the shopping with Mam, until we ended up in the clothes section and she started picking out knickers and bras and asking me what I thought. “Come on, you need some of your own it’s not fair to use Karen’s stuff, what do you think of these?” It was the same at the cosmetics aisle, I had to have my own moisturiser, foundation, lipsticks (“you need several colours to go with different outfits”), eye liner and a shadow palette and mascara. I thought this was all a bit much for one visit to Josie’s but Mam was enjoying herself with all this and I didn’t have much choice.
Safely back home I was able to relax again, and collapsed onto the sofa. “Don’t sit down like that, I could see your knickers, stand up and do it again more slowly and keep your knees together this time and your back straight, you will have to be more ladylike Robin.”
These criticisms and lessons lasted all evening while we watched some soaps, and a couple of ‘chick-flicks’, ‘Four weddings and a funeral’, and ‘Bridget Jones Diary’. These were films she had tried to get me to watch previously but I always said that they were not my sort of thing, she was really trying to get me into a girly frame of mind. I found that I actually enjoyed the films and was checking out the outfits that the girls were wearing and the way they had their hair, and actually had to borrow a tissue for the weepy bits !
It’s almost time for bed, I have left you out a nightie, go and get changed, and so will I, and we’ll have our hot chocolate down here, A few minutes later I had taken off all my clothes, even managing to unhook the clasp of the bra, only keeping on the knickers, and changed into my nightie.
i woke up early with my mind buzzing about the events of yesterday and imagining what was going to happen today. I showered, wearing a cap so as not to ruin what Mam had done with my hair, patted myself dry and dusted myself with powder and went back to my room to get dressed.
Mam had suggested that, now that I was wearing a bra and the gel pads it looked like I had breasts, that I should just wear a light cotton sleeveless top that scooped down to just give a hint of a cleavage, the denim skirt I wore yesterday, but with tights to smooth my legs. I had picked out one of my matching bra and pantie sets that we had bought yesterday, and thought it was strange that I was now wearing my very own first bra, and feeling comfortable wearing girls’ panties.
When I was dressed and happy with how I looked, I took my makeup bag downstairs so that Mam could work her magic on me when she came down, and started getting a light breakfast of muesli, toast, and coffee, prepared while I was waiting.
“I wasn’t expecting that,” Mam said smiling“I can’t remember the last time you made breakfast for me, you should dress as a girl more often.” I even cleared up and washed the dishes afterwards while she was getting herself ready.”
“Ok , young miss, let’s find out what we can do with you, sit down over by the window in the light so I can see better what am doing. Listen to what I am telling you so that you can do it yourself tomorrow. If you were going out somewhere special I would use foundation on you, but with your young skin it’s best not to use too much during the day, so the only thing I will do to your skin is a bit of light blusher to highlight your cheekbones. The same with your eyes, during the daytime less is best, most girls your age like eyeliner, I don’t know why, I think a touch of mascara is enough, that’s all we will do today. Let’s see how much makeup Josie uses and go with that next time.” I didn’t really mind what she did, although the mascara wand right next to my eyes was not a favourite for me.
Until it was time to go to Josie’s my day was filled with more ‘sit down, stand up, don’t slouch, keep your knees together or your legs crossed, don’t walk like that, put one foot directly in front of the other, take smaller portions of food and chew it slowly, and an endless stream of other girls’ habits, my brain was in overload.
We went out to the conservatory at Josie’s and sat getting to know each other for a while. Josie was dressed in much the same style as me, although she had on a light floral print skirt rather than the more casual denim one I was wearing, and she too wore very little makeup, although she had also used a touch of eyeliner, Mam had judged it about right.
“Do you two girls want to go down to the shops for an hour or so while we have a bit more of a chat?” Mam suggested, giving me a look that plainly said ‘Clear off, we want to talk about Josie,’
We wandered down to the local shopping centre, mainly looking in the clothes shops and each trying on a few skirts and dresses, it amazed me that we could try things on without any intention to buy them, girls just have a totally different attitude to what shopping means. Josie was in the changing room trying on a dress, and called out to me, “Robin please come and give me a hand the zip has stuck on my dress.” When I had sorted her out and went back into the shop I felt a touch on my arm and turned around to see Sara, one of the girls in my class.
“I thought it looked like you Robin, but I considered it just a coincidence until your friend called out your name, what are you doing dressed like that?”
“It’s a long story Sara, I haven’t got time to explain, Josie will be out in a minute, I’ll call you later but please just go along with it for the moment and pretend that I am just another girl in your school, and don’t tell anyone else or my life will be made hell. Please, pretty please !”
Luckily if I had to pick one person to recognise me without worrying too much it would be Sara, she was probably the pleasantest and kindest girl in our class, and I thought that before just now that she fancied me a bit, but that probably changed instantly.
“OK, I’ll trust you but you had better ring me to explain it all !”
At that moment Josie came out of the dressing room to show me another dress she had tried on. “Which do you prefer Robin.”
“ I like them both but I think the other one suits you better.” I was struggling to think of any detailed comments when Sara butted in. “I’ve not seen the other one but I don’t think that one is right for you, it’s too long and it bunches a bit around your waist, and it’s bit frumpy, let me have a look at the other one. Oh, I’m Sara. a schoolfriend of Robin, I hope you don’t mind me butting in like that.”
Josie seemed glad to have a sensible comment rather than my bland “very nice” or “no I don’t like that.” and went in to change into the first one.
“ Look Sara, Josie is having a difficult time and I’m trying to help her, she needs friends. can you stay with us for a while, I think it will do her good to have someone else to talk to.”
“What do you girls think of this one, any better?”
“ Oh that really suits you, it is a lovely dress and the colour is perfect for you, are you going to buy it or are you just window shopping? If you need a new dress I think you should go for it, have you got shoes to go with it or do you need some new ones to match?” Sara was so much better than me talking to Josie, girls always seem to value each others opinion whereas most boys would see comments like that as interfering.
Josie decided to not buy the dress as it was quite expensive and she said she would shop around later to see if she could get something similar at a better price.
We had a little time left before we had to go back to Josie’s, so the three of us went for a coffee and ice cream at a small cafe just outside the shopping centre. Josie and Sara got on really well and by the time we left the girls just about knew each other’s life history, even touching on Josie’s problems, but not going into detail.
Sara walked back with us as she lived not far from Josie, but in that upmarket neighbourhood, people kept themselves to themselves and only knew their next-door neighbours, so they had never met each other. As they lived so close they both promised to meet up again, with or without me, I was glad that Josie was coming out of her shell !
We told our mothers about the shopping trip and meeting Sara and how well we had all got on and her Mum looked really pleased that Josie now had another friend. On the way back I told Mam to stop just around the corner so that I could call Sara, Mum agreed that I needed to explain things to her, and after Sara agreed I was dropped off at her houses promising to call Mam for a lift home later.
After meeting her Mum Jacquie, Sara and I went up to her room to talk things through.
“I’ve been thinking about getting you up to my bedroom lately, but never thought it would be like this! Come on, spill the beans, what is all this about.”
“I’m telling you this is confidence and there are very few people i would trust with this, so please keep it to yourself.” I told her about the call to the Samaritans and Josie’s suicide threat, her mistaking my voice for a girl’s and how it all grew from there and I ended up dressing as a girl.
“I can’t believe that you did all that for someone you didn’t really know, that is so kind of you. You actually do come across well as a girl and I wouldn’t really have guessed if she hadn’t called out your name in the shop. While this is being sorted I would like to help and be a girl friend for you both. Afterwards we can think about changing that to being a girlfriend. I will give Josie a call tomorrow, if you give me her number, and go out with her for the day and have a good long chat, just the two of us if you don’t mind.”
Mam collected me from Sara’s and on the way back I told her about how we had met in the shop and how she had offered to help. Mam told me about her chat with Josie’s Mum and that she was now less concerned as Josie had a couple of new friends whose company she seemed to be enjoying, and that we should keep going for a while to see how it all progressed. She had told her the truth about the call to the samaritans and how I got involved by mistake, but didn’t mention the fact that I was really a boy.
A few days later, I was lounging around playing a video game, totally in boy mode of t-shirt and shorts, when the doorbell rang and I let Sara in.
“Even in those clothes and no makeup you could still pass as a girl, your hair is still girly and your arms and legs are still hairless. Anyway, I have had a long chat with Josie and she has told me all about the bullying and how you have helped, she is still getting the nasty messages by the way, and I have had an idea of how to stop all this. Get on your girl clothes we are going out to meet Josie.”
Sara helped me with the makeup, which I must admit looked more like a teenage girl’s rather than the more subtle style my Mam had done, and chose a selection of clothes from Karen’s wardrobe for me, a flowery summer peasant skirt and blouse and strappy sandals. She finished me off by painting my nails, I grabbed my bag, which now contained a few basic cosmetics and essentials as well as my wallet keys and phone, and we were off.
On the walk round to Josie’s, Sara told me that Josie had really opened up to her about her worries and how she just wanted it all to stop, and how I had been a big help and stopped her doing something stupid and that she would always grateful to me.
Before we went out from Josie’s I had a look at the messages that were still coming in and narrowed the obvious choices down to the main bullies, by looking at other messages that other people left in her contacts list had sent at the same time which proved that it couldn’t have been them. We sent a Facebook post, just to those three, saying that Josie was going out with some new friends for the day and that we would be at a well-known coffee bar in town. We didn’t go there but went to the shopping centre instead, which was mostly window shopping, but I did end up buying a couple of new tops and a pair of leggings mainly for lounging around the house.
Shortly a message alert tone buzzed on Josie’s phone and we all huddled around to read it.
“Didn’t see you at the coffee bar, or your imaginary friends, who would want to be friends with a fat ugly miserable girl like you?”
Rather than being upset as she would have been a few days ago, Josie was delighted that my ploy had worked, and that we now knew for certain that it was one of those three. We sent a couple of more posts individually to each of the three, with slightly different information, and from the replies we got we now knew who it was, the headmistress’s daughter Claire. The discovery had lifted our spirits and we enjoyed the rest of our day together, three girls having a good time, laughing and joking, chatting, coyly looking at all the good-looking boys that walked past ( at least Josie and Sara did, I just made the odd comment so not to be left out ).
Now we knew who it was I put most of Josie's contacts that she wanted to keep back into her address book and sent them the new contact details, but also kept them in the old account so that it didn’t look like all the “Friends” had gone from Facebook’
Now we knew for sure who we had to target we had to think of a plan for doing it. We got together with our mothers to see if we could find a way to prove the bullying to an extent where Claire’s mother, Josie’s headmistress, couldn’t protect her any more.
We all agreed that we needed to get somebody in Josie’s school to watch and record what was going on, but Josie said that there were none of the girls that she knew that could be trusted.
Sara was too well known at the school as she had several friends there, so I was elected by default.
Sara’s Dad, who was a professor at the University, was on the Board of Governors at Josie’s school and her mother felt that he could pull strings to get me enrolled as a new pupil, and she knew the headmaster of my school quite well socially, so between them they should be able to get me transferred without too much bother. It would mean me living totally, full-time, as a girl, in an all-girl’s school, taking part in all the school activities, including sports, gymnastics and aerobics and dancing. Sara’s Dad was happy to be brought on stream as, in his role as a governor, he was not happy with the way the school was being run, and there was no love lost between him and the headmistress
The need to do the physical activities was a big problem, I would have to change with the other girls, although the showers were individual cubicles not an open area, and would have to wear quite revealing sports clothes and dance-wear, so my body would need to be as realistic as possible. For the next two weeks while the transfer was being sorted, I was fitted with semi-permanent breast forms and learned how to tuck and fix my boys’ parts so that they would only be noticeable on a very close inspection, had my hair professionally styled and was coached on all things ‘girl’ by Sara and our mothers, and was as ready as I ever would be to start my new school. I was getting used to my new breasts now, at first I was a bit embarrassed that they jiggled about when I walked, but Sara told me that everybody’s did that and it would be more noticeable if they didn’t, and I actually got to find the bounce reassuring that I was convincing as a girl.
My Dad had returned home and was not too keen on what had happened while he was away, but accepted that is was all being done for the right reasons and agreed to go along with it, although he wanted no part in it at all.
My headmaster and Sara’s dad did their necessary duties to get my records modified and to get the transfer bureaucracy sorted and the day came when I was about to enter Abbey Girls High as a new temporary exchange student for the new term, as Josie’s cousin, using my real name of Robin Campbell to avoid confusion with records.
To be continued.
Chapter 2 Abbey High
It soon became time for me to start my new life at Abbey Girls’ High School, and I prepared myself with mixed emotions. On one hand I was filled with dread at the thought of going there as a girl and keeping up a pretence all day, every day, with the possibility of being discovered. On the other hand I was determined to make it work to help Josie overcome her problems.
We had decided that I would live at Josie’s house while I was going to the Abbey School for three main reasons, firstly so that my neighbours at home wouldn’t start asking awkward questions if they saw a strange girl at the house every day, secondly as it would help back up my story of being a cousin visiting and staying with the Marshalls, thirdly so that I didn’t give my Dad high blood pressure problems seeing me dressed as a girl every day.
Before going down to breakfast, I got dressed in my new school uniform which had been bought for me by Josie’s dad, all as detailed in the school rule book:
Uniform plaid pleated skirt (maximum 1” above the knee);
Uniform blazer (to be buttoned at all times when off school premises);
Blouse (white, plain,sleeved, tucked in the skirt, changed every day);
School tie (tight to the collar not halfway down the chest);
Uniform beret (worn on the top of the head not at the back);
Court shoes (black, round-toed, maximum 11/2” heel);
Tights (black minimum 66 denier),
Bra and knickers (white, plain, cotton).
The school obviously wanted a set of clones, not individuals.
Josie’s mum drove us to school, and Josie took me to the office so I could be registered and given my timetable details, and sent off to my first class, into the lions den.
My first morning I was not in classes with Josie nor, luckily, any of Macbeth’s Three Witches, as we were referring to Claire and her two main friends, and introduced myself and chatted to the girls at the nearby desks. At lunchtime I found Josie sitting alone and joined her to eat my meal. Although the canteen was full, nobody else joined us at our table, Josie was definitely a social outcast. She pointed out the Witches when they came in, deliberately walking slowly past us but totally ignoring us, except for a couple of catty pointed remarks.
On the way to my next class I noticed the Witches hanging around the corridor, so before I approached them I turned on the voice recorder on my phone.
“You’re new here, you ought to be careful who you choose to be friends with, some people are just bad news.” Claire barked at me.
“Sorry, are you telling me that you have to approve my friends or who I sit with, am I not allowed to pick and choose myself?”
“We are just advising you that unless you want to be very unpopular, you should avoid that
Marshall bitch like the plague.”
“From the sound of it, if there are any bitches around here it is you three, and for your information Josie is my cousin and I am staying with her family while I am here, so even if I wanted too I couldn’t avoid her. Now get out of my way.” I pushed past them thinking to myself that that was a good start, but I could sense the eyes glaring daggers at my back as I walked away.
in the morning everyone had been talking to me trying to get to know me, but I soon found out that afternoon that nobody wanted to sit next to me at a double-desk, the jungle telegraph obviously worked very quickly and effectively.
At the end of the afternoon when Josie and I were walking out to the car the Witches brushed past us tripping me causing to fall over, scuff my knee and ladder my new tights on the gravel.
"Oh. sorry, did you slip, you should be more careful,” laughed Claire, I was tempted to hit her, but thought that I had better not get into a fight on my first day or I would get a reputation as a troublemaker.
The next morning I told Josie not to walk in with me but to follow a few yards behind with her phone running on video record, and sure enough, the Witches were waiting for me, but this time I was ready for them. One of them suddenly stopped in front of me and bent down as if to adjust her shoe, and Claire came from behind intending to push me over her stooped friend, but I quickly stepped aside put my arm around her back and shoved her to fall over her friend. I walked on with a cheeky "Oh. sorry, did you trip, you should be more careful,” leaving them sprawled on the ground amidst a lot of laughing girls who were obviously pleased that someone had given them their comeuppance.
At break I got the video from Josie which clearly showed that they had attempted to push me over and that I had got the better of them and made them look foolish. Although my intention was to get evidence, I thought this was just too good not to share and Facebooked it without the sound, from a new account I had set up, to a couple of the girls who Josie had told me were sure to pass it on. As expected it was soon half-way around the school. At lunch we still had the table to ourselves but at least we now getting a few friendly smiles.
After lunch was my first big test of being accepted as a girl, I was headed for my first games session, which today as the weather was good, was scheduled as hockey. Feeling a bit worried, I walked into the changing room with a couple of my classmates who were actually now speaking to me again. The girls mostly seemed happy to change openly in front of each other, but some turned their backs to face the wall while they changed into their sports bras, and I decided that would be best for me, as although my breast forms were convincing when covered, they would be noticeable when exposed. I wasn’t so shy changing into my short sports skirt as I was completely believable and held firmly in place down below, and we were soon out on the field.
Although I had played hockey a few times at school and knew the basic rules, I told them I wasn’t sure how I would play, so they put me in an important but relatively safe position as ‘left inside’, a midfield position linking between defence and attack players. We started fairly slowly with everyone just getting used to what they were supposed to do, and I kept out of trouble, didn’t make too many mistakes, but didn’t do anything startling either. Even wearing a sports bra which was supposed to give extra support, I was conscious of my breasts bouncing all over the place when I ran, I was beginning to understand why a lot of girls avoid sport as much as they can.
Just before half-time I collected the ball in midfield, but there was nobody obvious to pass it to so I just ran forward with it until I reached the left-hand end of the ‘standing circle’. I looked up and passed the ball inside to our centre forward who stopped it just inside the circle, swung her stick and sent the ball into the goal. As well as congratulating the centre-forward, some of the girls came over to give me a group hug for my part in the goal. After that they involved me a lot more in the game and I made a few telling passes, one of which led to another goal, and nearly scored myself on one of my forward runs. As we walked off the pitch, the centre-forward, who was on the school team suggested that I go along to one of their training sessions and try out for the team, which i agreed to.
Getting changed afterwards was a lot easier, as we had individual shower cubicles and most of the girls changed their underwear in there after drying off. Being in a room full of semi-naked girls without obviously staring at their bodies was difficult for me, underneath all these clothes I was still very much a boy.
On the way into my next class I heard a familiar voice. “Who’s Miss Popular now then ? You just watch your back you never know what might happen next time you are on the hockey pitch.” Another threat from Claire went into the phone memory.
I did try out for the hockey team and joined, originally as a substitute but after a couple of successful substitutions I was firmly established on the team. Partly due to my hockey success, and partly due to the video of Claire’s fall going viral around the school, Josie and I, whilst not totally popular, were beginning to get accepted by a growing number of the girls, and were soon joined at our dinner table by an ever-changing group. My popularity also rubbed of on Josie and there was always someone walking or talking with her, so the Witches had no opportunities to continue their bullying.
The following weekend, the hockey team were playing a school about 10 miles away, so a bus was organised for the team and a few supporters and parents, but which, unfortunately, included the Three Witches. Before the match I saw the Witches talking to one of the opposition that they obviously knew and asked Josie to take a photo of them all together.
The game was going quite well and at half time, I had avoided any play with the Witches’ friend, and had made the passes that led to our two goals. “ Be careful Robin, I heard a couple of the opposition talking about taking you out of the game.” one of my teammates told me and she pointed them out me, one was the Witches’ friend and the other was the biggest, bulkiest,
girl on the pitch.
Halfway through the second period, I was running upfield with the ball when I saw their attack coming, they were running at me from either side intending to sandwich me between them. I threw myself to the ground just before they reached me and they crashed into each other and fell to the ground either side of me, I just got up and walked away. When they had recovered they were substituted, their coach had decided that they were too much trouble and didn’t want her team to get a reputation for violent play. I saw Josie giving me a thumbs-up, she had managed to video their attack.
The two first half goals had won the match for us and we all had a big group hug as we walked off the pitch, it was the first time we had beaten the opposition for many years. In the changing room and showers there were a lot of happy girls, a lot of laughing and joking, a lot of spraying the water around, but after stern words from our teacher/coach, we all calmed down, dried off, got changed into our day clothes, with me managing to keep my modesty and my secrets still secret, and went back to the bus. I really felt that I was now fully accepted onto the team.
On the bus Josie showed me the videos and photos she had taken, including one of the Witches having a violent argument with the girls that had tried to injure me. I almost felt that we had enough evidence, but I was enjoying my time at Abbey High and was in no hurry to leave, and we decided that I would stay until the end of term, as originally planned.
When we got back to school one of the girls said that they were having a get-together at her houses with some of the others and invited us to join them, it was to be like a pyjama party only without the sleep-over.
We went back to Josie’s, got permission from her Mum to go, as long as we were back by midnight and came home together in a taxi, and went to get ourselves changed and ready. It was my first time at a party with a lot of girls and I wasn’t sure what to expect, but Josie set me straight.
It was a nice feeling to put on a lacy lingerie set instead of the plain cotton ones we had to wear for school, Josie had told me that we would be changing into our nightclothes and that we should be seen to be wearing something a bit exotic. I borrowed one of her dresses, a loose turquoise shift that narrowed in under the bust line and flared out to sit quite high on my thighs, It didn’t give much cover so I would have to be careful how I sat. We didn’t go overboard with the make-up but did our eyes with heavy bronze shadow, with black eyeliner , and mascara, which was enough for two 15 year-olds
When we arrived at the party some of the girls were dressed a bit like us, some were in just jeans or casual trousers and tops, but all had made an effort to look good. We had something to eat and some fizzy non-alcoholic wine and watched a dvd of a wartime romance, which ended up with the boyfriend being killed in action and with most of us in tears. We then turned into sleepover mode and changed into our nighties or pyjamas, in my case a short satin pyjama set in pale pink with flower motifs, to do lots of silly girly things, playing truth or day, painting each others nails, changing our hairstyles, talking about boys they had seen in town, As Abbey High was all-girls there were no boys at school and for a lot of them the experiences were limited but they read a lot of teen magazines and had vivid imaginations. It was soon time to go home, I was enjoying myself so much that i was disappointed that it hadn’t turned into a sleepover, but maybe next time.
As Josie and I were now becoming too difficult a target at school for the Witches, they turned their attention to another couple of the younger girls, pushing them, making them drop their books, sticking bullying notices on their lockers and all the usual nasty tricks, but between Josie, me, and a couple of the girls off the hockey team who we had trusted with what we were doing, but obviously not with the details of the real me, we had photos or videos of a lot of it.
The learning atmosphere in Abbey High was completely different to that at my old school, classes were much better behaved and the girls genuinely seemed to want to learn, and there were no distractions of flirting or playing up to the opposite gender, and I found that I was enjoying lessons and my school work improved immensely. The teachers suggested that when my temporary exchange period was over that I should stay on there until after my exams in June. Part of me wanted to benefit from the better teaching at Abbey High, but part of me worried that my life was becoming more feminine day by day and that it would be difficult to drop all the attitudes and mannerisms that I was growing into.
As Christmas approached we had gathered more than enough evidence to prove that the Witches were evil bullies, but also wanted to show that our headmistress had allowed it to go on unchecked. I arranged to see the headmistress and told her about the bullying and threats that I had received and about the attempt to injure me at the hockey match.
“ Don’t be silly Robin, you are making a mountain out of a molehill, I’m sure that Claire and her friends were only having a bit of playful fun and it’s just part of the hustle and bustle of daily life that you will experience when you leave school and start working.
“With respect you are wrong, Claire and her friends have been nasty to other girls for ages, she tells them that it is no use complaining to you as you will believe and back up your daughter no matter what. If you don’t believe me, plug this memory stick into your computer and see and listen some of the threats that have been made. Please take action to rein her in and stop this.”
She played the videos and photos I had copied into a powerpoint presentation, going redder and redder with anger as she watched the screen.
“ What do you mean with all this, this is an invasion of privacy, you shouldn’t be taking photos of your fellow pupils like this. I will keep this memory stick and we will say no more about it, if you complain again I will have no choice but to expel you, now get out, I don’t want to see you again.”
“I assume that you are not going to do anything publicly about this, on you head be it.” I screamed at her as I stormed out of her office.
I was surrounded in the corridor by the Witches about half-an-hour later. “ You sneaky cow, who gave you permission to film and record us, it’s an invasion of privacy. you’ll suffer for this, my Mum will expel you.”
“ What do I care, don’t forget that I am only here on a temporary exchange, so your threats don’t worry me in the least.”
“You may not care, but when you are no longer around your timid little bitch of a friend will really suffer, her life will be hell, you should be worried about that, what we’ve done to her up until now is nothing compared what she will be getting.”
“We’ll see, I think that Josie and I will still be around long after you have gone.” I pushed past them and walked away with a big smile on my face, that’s two more recordings of threats added to my evidence, Claire’s and her mother’s.
We all met at Josie’s house for a council of war that night, Me. my Mam, Josie, her Mum and Dad, Sara, and her Mum and Dad, to decide how to go forward. Sara’s Dad, Gerald was amazed and disgusted when we played all the recordings for him, particularly the one of my meeting with the headmistress. “Leave it with me for a few days, I think I know how I want to play this, but I want to have a talk with the other governors first.”
There was no bother over the next few days from either the Witches or from the Headmistress, I assume they thought that as I no longer had the memory stick that the Headmistress had kept that I no longer had the evidence, either they were all stupid or they thought that I was.
At the weekend we had another hockey match, this time at Abbey High, so had plenty time to have a tactics meeting with our coach beforehand, and most of the plays seemed to focus around me, I was now being seen as one of the star players on the team. I no longer had any reservation or problems with sharing the changing room with the other girls, it was becoming a normal weekend occurrence for me and i glad to be enjoying myself with a bunch of good friends. The coach’s tactics, and my plays, contributed to another win for us, and we were now top of the schools league we played in, which was unknown in our school history.
At the assembly on the following Monday, the teacher who was coaching us gave a glowing report of the match and made a special mention of my role in the victory and my help in getting to the top of the league. If looks could kill, the glare she was getting from the Headmistress would have surely done for her. Apart from the Witches and a few, very few, of their close friends I was definitely Miss popular in the school and was constantly getting asked by the other girls and by my teachers to consider staying on for another term or two, until the end of the hockey season and until after my exams. I was really enjoying my time at Abbey High, I had never had so many friends, or done so well in my studies, and really needed to talk to Mam and Dad about it.
Dad was away again so it was just Mam there when I went around. I told her that I was considering staying on at Abbey High and asked her what she thought of the idea and how Dad would react.
“Tell me what the good points are and what the bad points are if you decide to do this, and we’ll talk about how they balance up.”
“I’m doing really well there, all my grades have improved and I like the way they teach, the smaller classes mean you get more personal attention. I’m doing really well on the hockey team and getting on with all the other girls, and am generally happier than I was at my other school. The down sides are that I miss living at home, miss you and Dad, and am worried that I am becoming too comfortable as a girl and will have problems going back to being a boy when this is all sorted.”
“The pluses are all good points and are good reasons to stay on there. There is no reason why you can’t come back and live at home, you don’t look anything like you did a few months ago, the neighbours don’t know you very well anyway, and we’ll tell anybody who asks that you are boarding with us as your parents have been posted overseas for a while. Your father will be away quite a lot for the next few months, but he has adjusted a lot to what you are doing anyway, and I’ll be glad of your company. The one thing I cannot help you with is how much you like being a girl and how much you prefer being a boy, you have to decide what is important for you and how you want to live your life.”
“If you are sure that you do not mind and that it won’t cause problems with Dad, I would like to stay on at Abbey High until the end of the school year, and come back to live here, Mr and Mrs Marshall have been really good to me but it’s not the same as being at home. Sara’s dad is expecting things to be sorted out with the Headmistress within a couple of days, let’s just keep this to ourselves until then just in case thing change, ”
We found out afterwards that Gerald had called a special meeting of the governors, without inviting the headmistress as they normally would, he explained what had been happening and played them the recordings. They were all shocked at the extent of the bullying going on and that the headmistress had known all about it and done nothing. He had also discovered that her mother had granted Claire a special scholarship so that she was attending the school at no cost, and that this had been hidden in the accounts, along with other financial irregularities and excessive expenses claims. To save any public embarrassment to the school, she was to be allowed to resign and take her daughter with her and there would be no criminal charges as long as she left the area and made no complaints or public nuisance.
The deputy-head announced at morning assembly that the headmistress had resigned with immediate effect for family reasons, and that her and Claire were leaving the area, which was greeted with a few cheers and whistles. The deputy announced that she would be taking charge temporarily whilst the governors sorted out a new appointment.
One of her first duties after the announcement was my visit to inform her that I would like to stay on until the end of the school year in July, which delighted her as she had been told of my role in the headmistress’s resignation, and was pleased at the prospect of a much happier school and for the the contribution I had made to the success of the hockey team.
It was now the final week before we broke up for the Christmas holiday, academic life wound down and the festivities wound up. As well as the school’s official Christmas party which was a pretty subdued affair, only livened up by the fact that it was a joint event with the local boys’ school and the fact that we were allowed to wear our own clothes rather than the uniform, the hockey squad along with a few friends, including Josie and Sara as regular team supporters, had a much livelier party at Sara’s house. We were still too young to drink (much), and Sara’s mum and dad had banned boys, but we had a lot of fun, dressed up to the nines and with lots of Christmas glittery makeup, dancing and singing to her karaoke machine, and eating lots of fancy, and unhealthy and fattening, foods that well-brought-up young ladies should avoid. I hadn’t had so much fun in ages.
With lots of thanks to Josie's Mum and Dad for looking after me during my stay I moved back home for Christmas. Other that my hair being way too long, I spent the holiday totally as a boy, it felt strange to be wearing heavier rougher clothes again, but I’d lived with them for fifteen years and could learn to live with them again, and my balance felt a bit funny without the weight of the breasts bouncing about on my chest. I really enjoyed Christmas back with my family, Dad seemed a lot more comfortable with me now that I was dressing and behaving as a boy again, but he accepted that I was going to complete my schooling at Abbey High, and just asked that he could spend time with me doing boy things occasionally.
Back at school things had settled down a lot after the departure of Claire and her Mum. The other two Witches had been given a strict talking to and were on a written warning, any more bullying behaviour and they were out. They came to me and apologised for their involvement in bullying me and seemed genuinely contrite.
“It’s not me that you should apologising to, it’s Josie and the others that you should be asking to forgive you. Have you any idea of what you put them through?” To be fair, they did go and apologise to Josie and she had no doubt that they regretted what they had done, encouraged by Claire, and they did behave themselves after that. Although Josie and I remained the best of friends, she was now getting her confidence back and mixing with her own social circle, and I couldn’t have been happier for her. Now I was living at home, I became much closer with Sara and often went out with her as boyfriend/girlfriend, or with her and her friends as a group of girls.
As the term went on, the hockey team went from strength to strength, they were all good players, but before I joined they lacked that spark that turns an average team into a good team and my runs from midfield were becoming a common feature of lots of our goals and victories. We were well ahead in the league and in the semi-final of our county schools cup. The new Headmistress, wanted to thank the team for all the hard work we had put in and how we had lifted the spirits of the school, and arranged for us to have a weekend team-building break, which would mean two whole days living, sleeping, working, and taking part in activities with 15 other girls. Although I had no problems passing in day-to-day life, the thought of 24/7 in a dormitory with no privacy filled me with dread.
The team-bonding physical activities were those you would normally expect, hill-walking, canoeing, obstacle courses, paint-balling, but we added to these with Pyjama parties, pillow fights, make-up sessions, karaoke, and other less strenuous activities. We all had a really enjoyable time and our team spirit was at a high when we left for home. Not only had I survived without being discovered, even though they had seen me in my bra and knickers, but I felt now that not only was I a part of the hockey team but also was becoming a member of the female team, as I was now living totally as a girl, mixing with girls, doing girl things, talking and expressing myself like a girl, and enjoying it all.
At home, Mam was totally comfortable with me as a girl, I helped her in the kitchen and she taught me a lot of basic cookery, We watched RomCom films together, weeping together at the sentimental parts, went shopping together, and she loved me being the daughter she missed when Karen left home. I think Dad’s attitude can best be summed up as tolerating and accepting rather than enthusiastic, but he never criticised me or made insulting comments.
We had finished in top place in our hockey league, and were in the final of the County Cup, and were travelling to our final game of the season. The team we were playing was from the other end of the county, not in our local league, and we had not played them before, and didn’t really know much about their strengths and weaknesses. We soon found out their strengths, they were fast and powerful and we soon found ourselves 0:2 down before we got the measure of them, got one goal back and managed to hold on until half-time. Our coach had noticed that my opposite number, their ‘right inside’ was limping a little from a knock she had received earlier, and told me to make the plays up that side. That worked, and although I felt sorry for the injured girl I was able to run rings around her and we soon drew level at 2:2. The game went back-and-to for the rest of the match and with 2 minutes to go I made another run forward to the edge of the penalty circle before I was barged to the ground by one of their defenders and we were awarded a short corner penalty. Our left wing player stroked the ball to me just inside the circle and I hit it hard and low into the bottom corner of the net, and I was swamped by my team-mates and almost crushed. There was hardly any time left after bully-off and when the final whistle went, with us as 3-2 winners, I was carried off the pitch on the shoulders of a couple of the girls to receive our trophy. In the changing room afterwards we were ecstatic, jumping up and down, hugging each other, running through the communal shower and spraying water everywhere. The coach came in congratulated us on our wonderful win, calmed us down, and told us to get dried and dressed.
At school on Monday, we were called up onto the dais and presented to the rest of the school, with lots of clapping and cheers ringing in our ears. However I was soon brought down to earth, it was only two weeks to my exams and an awful lot of hard work was needed. The next few weeks were very stressful, with all the late night swotting and with the exams themselves, but I got through it all without too many problems.
I had decided with Mam and Dad that I would leave Abbey High at the end of term and go to a local college in the Autumn so I was into my last few weeks there. It was a hot summer and luckily we had been able to ditch our full uniforms for the summer light gingham dresses and ankle socks, which were a lot cooler and more comfortable than what I had usually worn as a boy. Most of our time was now spent on visits and non-academic activities, and it was a good time to relax with girls I had made friends with over the year and talk about our futures. I told them that my parents were now back in the country and I would be leaving the area, wished them all well, gave them a special email address that I would only use for ‘Girl Robin’ and bid them goodbye.
The last big task I had was to talk to Josie and her parents and tell them the truth about the confusion of my gender when it all started, and how it was necessary for me to pretend to be a girl to get Josie sorted out. When they got over the shock they were amazed that I had got away with it, that I was so convincing and natural as a girl, and that I was prepared to go to such lengths for their daughter who I previously hadn’t known. Her parents, and particularly Josie, swore that they would not reveal my secret to anyone, ever, and that I would always be welcome at their home. Josie was upset that she would be losing her BFF, but I assured her that i would always be around if ever she needed me.
Over the summer, all my girl stuff was put away and I had my hair trimmed to a more reasonable length and started seeing Sara on more of a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, and we soon became very close. My exam results came through and they were a lot better than expected, the education system at Abbey High had really suited me and my year there would open opportunities that I wouldn’t normally have had. I signed up to do my A-levels at a local sixth-form-college rather than returning to my old school, to get the next level of qualifications which would take me to university.
A few weeks later there was a letter addressed to Mam from Abbey High asking if she knew how to contact Robin (Girl Robin obviously) that had been staying with her, as they would like her to attend their annual speech day and prize-giving. Mam phoned back to them saying that she had been in touch and that I would be happy to return for the day.
I dug out my uniform, had my hair styled, and because I was no longer a pupil I wore a bit of mascara and lipstick, and turned up for the speech-day. It was the normal congratulations to those that had done well in their studies or sports or made special efforts in music and art, prizes for being the best in their year, and suchlike. I went up on the stage with the rest of the hockey squad to get the team award, and felt proud at what we had achieved.
“This year,” said the headmistress as the event was drawing to a close, “we have a new prize, to be known as the Governors’ Award, to be given to someone who we have judged to have made a special contribution to the school over the past year. I would like Robin Campbell to come up onto the platform to receive her prize.”
Embarrassed, I went up onto the stage to lots of applause and cheers.
“Robin, you have only been with us a short time ,initially agreed for one term, but the staff managed to convince you to stay for the full academic year, and in that short time your contribution has been enormous. Your efforts helped to end a culture of bullying in the school which is now a much happier place, and the way you inspired the hockey team onto their best performance ever was wonderful, and by the way their success is continuing. You thoroughly deserve our thanks and praise and you will be recorded on our honours board in a new section, ‘Pupil of the Year’. Girls, please all rise and applaud in a standing ovation for our pupil of the year, Robin Campbell.”
I was shocked, I had only been helping out someone in trouble, but had been welcomed with open arms into the school, and made a lot of friends, many of whom I would like to keep in touch with but I obviously could not without going back to life as a girl.
I left Abbey High with mixed emotions, it had been an amazing experience which changed my views on life, I had met some wonderful people, and it had helped me to develop personally and academically, but it was time for me to move on with my life.
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During my time at college, and later at University, I completed my education and ended up with my degree and masters in English Language and Literature, and with a PGCE teaching certificate. Sara and I were now ‘an item’ with plans to get married and start our family once we both got established in our careers. My sister Karen moved back into the area so my Mam had no need for a substitute daughter anymore, my Dad survived my trip into girlhood but was glad to get his son back. What he didn’t know that Sara and I often had girlie weekends away and nights out together, she accepted and sometimes enjoyed my ‘feminine side’.
It was with a great deal of deja-vu that I arrived for my first day in my new job as an English teacher, and part-time sports master, at my new school, Abbey Girls High. Sara’s Dad, Gerald, was now Chairman of the Governors and had smoothed my path through the interview and appointment, although he stressed that I had been appointed on my own merits and had not received favourable treatment. He was the only one who knew of my previous time at the school and we intended to keep it that way.
I soon settled in and sorted out my teaching material and got to know the girls in my classes. As I had continued to play hockey at college and university, on both men and mixed teams, I was soon in charge of coaching the hockey team. They had never again reached the dizzy heights of when I was playing for them, but were still a strong and enthusiastic team, and my job was to improve on that and get them where they deserved to be.
It was soon time for the annual speech day to award the prizes for what had been achieved in the previous year, and like all the staff I was dressed in my academic cloak, bright scarlet with a white ermine trim, and cap, sitting in the audience remembering the last time I had been here. As had become tradition , the event was rounded off with the announcement of the Governor’s Award for ‘Pupil of the Year’. I was surprised that this was preceded by the reading out of a list of the previous recipients whose names were engraved on the honours board, and a summary of their achievements, obviously starting with my name as the first to get the award.
My teaching colleague sitting next to me gave me a nudge. “Isn’t that strange that she has the same name as you, and that you are trying to get the hockey team back to the level she helped them get to.”
“Yes, what a strange coincidence.” I replied with a smile on my face and an inner glow of self-satisfaction.
The end
Introduction
This story can be read stand-alone but might be more understandable if you read the two previous chapters first
Robin Campbell, as part of a scheme to stop the bullying of a friend, had attended Abbey Girls High School, living as a girl, and he had become extremely successful and popular academically and on the hockey field. After leaving school and attending University he returned to Abbey High as English teacher, and part-time sports master.
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Everything was going well, my wife Sara had just found out that she was expecting with our first child and we were both extremely excited and apprehensive, I suppose all first-time parents worry about how their life would soon change. At Abbey High I had got over the initial wave of preparing my course notes and working on my presentation to the classes and was settling in to the routine of daily lessons.
As well as my academic work, I also spent several sessions each week coaching the hockey team. In my time as a pupil at the school I had been one of the leading lights in the most successful hockey team that the school had ever had. Since then their performances over the years had been mediocre and I was determined to try to get them back to the high standard we had reached. Most of the girls tried hard and had the basic skills but there was no spark to their play, they needed inspiration and leadership on the field.
“Robin, can you spare a few minutes?” the headmistress Carol Cummings said as she passed me in the corridor one day. As you are new here you probably don’t know, but every year the girls, staff, and a few of the parents, put on a Christmas pantomime. It’s mainly for the girls and their families, but we also get a lot of the locals coming too, as it is usually almost as good as a professional show. Do you think that you would like to join in?” Little did she know that I had been in the audience and really enjoyed the show that had been put on in my year as a pupil at the school.
“Of course Carol, I’ll be glad to help, what do you want me to do?”
“The show is been produced by your Senior English Mistress, Mary Knight, go and see her and she’ll tell you where you fit in. It could be a different experience for you.”
“Hello Mary, Carol sent me along to join in with the pantomime, what are you doing this year?”
“We’re going to perform ‘Snow White’, the girls are taking most of the parts, and most of the adult parts are already taken by some of the parents, but we need someone to take the part of ‘Nursie', the traditional pantomime dame, are you up for it Robin?”
“Thanks Mary,” I replied “I see myself more as the handsome prince, but of course I’ll do it, it should be fun, the pantomime dames, always lay-by men in drag, usually have the best lines and the best jokes, and the men who take these parts are often some of the most popular in the cast.” Actually I was quite looking forward to the chance to dress in skirts and make-up again in public, even if it would be as a comical caricature.
it was actually a good part that Mary gave me, during rehearsals I was on and off the stage throughout the show, and was the main comedy lead. I was looking forward to the actual show and wearing my outrageous costume and make-up. Like most pantomime dames, my appearance would be as a big overweight woman with an enormous bosom, hair in a mop cap or rollers and with rosy red cheeks and lips and over-made-up eyes. The costumes for the Dames are usually outrageous too, all flowery and flouncy and ribboned, with a huge amount of padding to make them almost twice their natural size.
The actual shows would be fun and I was enjoying interacting with the girls who were taking most of the parts and with the other adults. At first I thought that I might be a figure of fun in classes because of it, but most of the girls thought I was a good sport and it helped me to keep their attention during lessons.
It was the week of the show and it was our last session before the full dress rehearsal the next day, when Mary called me over away from the others.
“Robin, we have a big problem, Susie Jones has been rushed into hospital this morning with a burst appendix and there is no way she will be fit for the show, you are one of our better actors, do you think you could take her part?”
“ But Mary, Susie is playing the Wicked Queen, Snow White’s evil stepmother, after Snow White that is the main female role, surely one of the senior girls or one of the other women would be better suited to it.”
“As I just said you are one of the better actors in the group and you learned your lines quite quickly, and you are almost the same size as Susie. Her costume would not fit anyone else, they are all hired and we are not allowed to do any alterations, other than a bit of minor taking in and tacking. Your singing voice is quite a high tenor anyway, almost a counter-tenor, with a bit of control it could pass as a female voice ”
“I take it that you want me to perform as if I was a woman, not playing the part as a man in drag, is that right.”
“You’re right Robin, the script is written for a woman not a pantomime dame. In the past the part has occasionally been played by a man, but usually in a glamorous manner, not as a drag role.”
“Before I go to the bother of learning the script, it might be wise for me to try on the costume to save wasting any more time.”
I went into the changing room, stripped off and put on the dress to check the fit, other than being a bit tight around the waist it wasn’t too bad, although a bit revealing with a low neckline and slits up the side seams of the skirts . Obviously it would need false breasts and something to trim my waist a bit, but it would work. The costume also included a long black curly wig so my short hair was not a problem either.
“ Ok we’ll give it a go, I’ll go over the script and learn the lines, but what about my part as the Nanny.”
“I’ll take over with that,” replied Mary, “I know most of the lines anyway from prompting during rehearsals and your costume will fit me, only I won’t need nearly so much padding!. You’ll need help with the makeup of course, because it is a glamorous female role, so it will be a lot more natural than the normal heavy stage makeup you would have as the Nurse.”
“I’ll get Sara to help me with that, she is very good at it and has done make-up for the local Am-Dram society and she is free of other commitments at the moment.”
I went home and told Sara the news and when she had finished giggling we sat down to discuss what to do.
“Although nobody at school knows, you have done this a few times before and are quite good at doing your own make-up but I suppose we will have to pretend that you need my help to look like a woman. You have your breast forms but you will have to come up with a decent story of who you have borrowed them from, blame it on the Am-Dram groups. The waist should be easy too, you have that cincher and those control panties with the padding on the hips and bum. We know you can pull it off but unless you want everybody to discover your secret hobby don’t be too good at it all except when you are on stage.”
“You’re right, nobody at the school has yet related me to the Robin Campbell that was a pupil there and I better keep it that way. I need to start learning my lines, and before I go to bed I will have a shower and shave off all my visible body hair, arms, legs shoulders and chest.”
The dress rehearsal was in the late afternoon after school, and Sara came in to help me get ready and help with my make-up. The breast forms had to be glued on as the dress showed a lot of cleavage, but with a very skimpy bra for a bit of support, and with the cincher and padded control panties the dress fitted like a dream.
The dress was a flowing chiffon style in dark purple with a plunging neckline, bell sleeves, a nipped waist flowing into a full length skirt with lilac box pleats and slits up the side seams to mid thigh, showing the lacy garters fitted over black fishnet tights, and the outfit was completed with 3” black pumps. With the wig and make-up applied ,a quick check in the mirror showed a very attractive, very feminine Wicked Queen stepmother for Snow White, and I strutted out to reveal myself to the rest of the cast.
I was greeted with a chorus of ‘oohs and ahhs’ and cheeky wolf whistles and stares of disbelief at my transformation, but the excitement soon died down and we got on with our rehearsal, and considering that this was my first time in the role I did fairly well, needing the odd prompt but no major problems.
“That was amazing,” Mary said when we were finished and back in the dressing room, “not only were you brilliant in the role, but you were totally convincing as a woman, if I hadn’t known I would never have guessed. I take it that you know that all the cast members will be attending school tomorrow in their costumes, including the teachers and staff as well as the girls, is it asking too much for you to join in as well? It is a fun bit of last minute promotion to get interest among any girls that have not already booked in to attend”
“You are joking aren’t you Mary? It’s one thing me looking and acting like a woman on stage, but if I taught classes like this tomorrow I would never be allowed to forget it.”
“The girls will be all right with it, they will be expecting you to be in costume anyway, you might get a bit of ribbing at first but it will soon pass. Come in a bit early to get ready and made-up. Let’s get out of these costumes now and get them hung up, we don’t want them all creased and dirty for the performance tomorrow evening.”
I removed the wig and make-up and took off the dress and the underclothes and then realised that I had forgotten to pack the glue solvent to remove the breast forms, so quickly put my bra back on to keep them under control before getting dressed in my shirt, trousers and jacket. Luckily it was dark outside and nobody would notice a funny man with breasts.
As my car was in for a service, Lucy was waiting outside in her car to take me home, and noticed my new additions straight away.
“Couldn’t you bear to be parted from them Robin, they will have to come off sometime.”
“Very funny Sara, I forgot the remover solvent, I’ll sort it out when we get home.”
Unfortunately life is never easy, we couldn’t find the solvent anywhere, so I was stuck with the breasts, literally, for a few days until I could get some delivered. That meant that in the morning I would have to travel to school on the bus with a fine pair of 38Cs.
“At least I’ll need to be in costume all day tomorrow, apparently according to Mary, it is traditional, so there should be no problem with me suddenly having breasts”
“Look Robin, think about it, you are going to be wearing make -up and a dress all day tomorrow anyway, why not travel to school in the morning in a skirt and blouse and jacket, your breasts will just be seen as normal.”
“This gets even worse, I know that we have the occasional trip away with me dressed, but that is somewhere where nobody knows me, it is different doing it on our doorstep.” Sara just smiled sweetly back at me.
Anyway, in the morning I made my way to the bus stop, in full make-up, a shoulder length auburn wig, a smart navy skirt suit and azure camisole top and kitten-heel sandals with a black shoulder bag, some from my own collection, the rest courtesy of Sara’s wardrobe. Once I got away from the house and sharp-eyed neighbours, I felt a lot more comfortable and confident, nobody at the bus stop or when I got on noticed anything unusual about me. At the next stop a young woman got on the bus, and sat on the seat next to me and started chatting mostly about the reliability of the bus service and the weather..
As we got off the bus outside the school, with a puzzled look on her face she stopped to talk to me.
“Do I know you from somewhere, you look very familiar? I’m Margaret Thomas, I went to school here a few years ago, I was known as Margaret Coulson then.”
“I’m sorry Margaret you must mistaking me for someone else.” I lied through my teeth, I now recognised her as one of the girls that had been on the hockey team with me. I rushed off before she pushed the conversation further.
I made my way to the dressing room, getting a few inquisitive looks, people wondering who I was, and was greeted by a startled Mary, who gave me a challenging look before the penny dropped.
“Oh my God Robin, I know that I said you would have to be in costume all day, but that didn’t include arriving at school dressed in females’ clothes, although I must admit that you do make a very attractive and passable woman. Get changed quickly before anyone else sees you, they might want you to dress like that more often, you are the only man on the staff.”
I explained the problem with the breast forms which amused Mary a lot, and she was quite sympathetic and understanding. I got changed into my costume and applied my make-up before anyone else arrived, and made my way to my first challenge, the staff common room. I was the first there and was making myself a coffee, when others started to arrive, and with all the conversations about my costume, figure and make-up I never got the chance to drink it before it was time for my first class.
Word has obviously got around quickly about how I was going to be dressed today as I was greeted with a cheeky chorus of “Good morning Miss Campbell.” After several minutes where I let them ask a few questions of “How do you like wearing a dress.”, “Who did your make-up.”, “What is it like now that you have breasts like the rest of us.”, “How do like walking in high heels.”, I settled them down and got on with business as normal.
As the girls trooped out to their next class, there were a few comments about “You look lovely today, and were a lot more fun than usual Miss.”, “Thank you for being such a good sport Miss.”, “Good luck on stage tonight Miss Campbell.”, I just let them all go with a smile. That was very much the tone for the rest of the day, in most of the classes there was a bit of banter from the girls
but nothing nasty or disruptive to the lessons and in general they were appreciative that I had the sense of humour and the nerve to go through the day as I was dressed. I was told that all the other cast members had been in costume all day and most had also suffered a bit of light-hearted
joking, particularly the younger girls who were playing the parts of the Seven Dwarves, but nothing like the extent that I had received.
After school finished, we had an hour-and-a-half to freshen up, redo our makeup and relearn out lines before the curtains opened up on the first might of the show, to a full house of pupils, parents, a few members of the general public, and a reporter from the local weekly paper. For an amateur production, it was a very professional-standard show and went down extremely well with the audience.
As is traditional in pantomime, the Wicked Queen, as the villain of the show, was booed and hissed every time I came on stage, particularly when I spoke the famous lines, “ Mirror Mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all.” and when I gave Snow White the poisoned apple. But that is what pantomime is all about, real heroes and real villains, I didn’t mind at all, particularly when I received a big ovation at the curtain call at the end of the show. We all went back to the dressing rooms with a buzz of excitement and full of adrenaline, and were looking forward to the rest of the shows until the end of the week.
As I was still stuck with my boobs, after I cleaned off the heavy stage make-up, I replaced it with a normal everyday look, dressed in my skirt suit again, and was making my way out to Sara in the car, when I saw Margaret from the bus, talking to Carol, the headmistress, who called me over.
“Robin, do you remember Margaret, she says she was here at school with you a few years ago, and played in the hockey team with you, long before my time. She really enjoyed your performance tonight, as did I, really well done you played the role superbly. I’ll leave you two to chat for a few minutes, then can you give me a few minutes in my study before you go.”
“ Sorry I didn’t recognise you earlier Margaret but I was in a bit of a rush and you have changed a lot and caught me unawares. We must get together sometime to catch up.”
“ I know I’ve changed a lot in the last ten or so years Robin, but not nearly so much as you have. Carol was telling me how her sports MASTER, MISTER Robin Campbell, was playing the part of the Queen. Would you like to explain.” she said with a big grin on her face.
“ Look Maggie, it’s complicated, and I really haven’t got time to explain now, can we meet up tomorrow and I’ll put you in the picture. Please don’t say anything about me to anyone else until we have had a chat, as I said it is complicated and a long story.”
“ OK Robin, see you at ‘The Bull’ just down the road at 12:30, I’m really intrigued, bye.” and off she went with a spring in her step, ‘like the cat that has got the cream’, leaving me to face the next hurdle, Carol Cummings.
“ Ok Robin,” said Carol as I entered her study, I think you had better tell me what all this is about, this is a girl’s school and we have never had any boys here. I think this is going to be a good story. Judging by the way you look now, I am surprised to say that I can believe Margaret’s story, you really look the part.”
“ Carol, it is a long story but I assure you that it is all explainable, but can we leave this until tomorrow, Sara my wife is waiting outside in the car for me.”
“I would really like to know this, I don’t want any scandal, go and bring her into the warm and she can sit in with us.”
I went and fetched Sara and then gave Carol a quick version of the story, how I had helped a friend who was being bullied, living as a girl and attending Abbey High, and then stayed on to become the pupil of the year before returning to manhood, Sara chipped in occasionally to confirm bits of the tale.
“You know the rest since my return as a teacher. You also know that I sort of fell into the role of the Wicked Queen in the panto, and due to unfortunate events I needed to dress like this today to hide the fact that I suddenly had breasts as I couldn’t remove my falsies, hiding in full view as they say.
“Even more worryingly Maggie recognised me, I’ll have to deal with her tomorrow. I hope that none of this affects my job here, If I can get Maggie on our side, there should be no chance of a scandal. The worst that could come out is that the Wicked Queen was played by a man, which is not a big thing nowadays.”
“ Right Robin, I was worried that this could lead to some sort of sex scandal, particularly with a boy in the changing rooms and shower area with the girls. After you have talked to Margaret, I would like to see her again to get her side of things.”
“OK Carol, thanks for not flying off the handle.”
“I’ve been told that you wearing the costume went down very well with the girls today, and that they related better to you in class. Until you get your breast problem sorted it wouldn’t go amiss if you came to school dressed as you are now. You are the only male in the school apart from the groundsman and caretaker, and you will just blend in with us all. It’s up to you but I think it’s a fair solution.”
“ I’m not sure, I’ll think about it when I get home and give you a ring early tomorrow to let you know, so you can forewarn everyone, if that is what I decide to do. Goodnight Carol, I’ll see you in the morning.”
In the car on the journey home and after we had settled in, Sara and I had a long discussion about what had happened today and how it could turn out if I went in wearing a skirt. We decided that it might be best to just brazen it out for a few days, particularly as I had to meet Maggie tomorrow.
I arrived at school in the morning wearing the suit from the previous day, but with a fresh white blouse and a long winter coat this time as there was a distinct chill in the air. I was welcomed into the staff room with lot of compliments on my looks and was soon just blending in with the others without anyone paying me any special attention, I was just another one of the teachers, nobody special. The only difference to normal was that I was drawn in to the chatty conversations a lot more and fell into my stage character a bit and started speaking in my feminine voice and copying the mannerisms of the other women.
It was the same story with the girls in class, other than now being called ‘Miss Campbell’ things went on as normal and the morning soon passed. I gave up on correcting their use of the title ‘Miss” rather than ‘Mrs’ or ‘Ms’, they tended to refer to all the teachers as Miss, whether they were single or married was irrelevant. I left at lunchtime to go to ‘The Bull’ to meet Maggie, worried as to what her reaction would be.
“Hi Robin,” she stood up to greet me with a quick hug and cheek kiss, “let’s order some drinks and something to eat, and we can then sit down and you can tell me all about this, I am so confused.”
I repeated the story I had told Carol Cummings while Maggie sat there quietly, open-mouthed, amazed at what she was being told.
“But you were with us for a whole year, in classes, talking in the canteen, on the hockey pitch and even in the changing rooms, you just came across as one of the girls, there was no clue that you were really a boy, you fitted in so well.”
“ I must admit that it was difficult at first in the changing rooms, seeing you all prancing around in your underwear, but I soon got used to it and it felt no different to being in changing rooms with other boys, you were all just people, fellow pupils, my friends and classmates.”
“Ok. Robin, I can understand the history of your time at school, but why are you dressed as you are today, you don’t do this normally, do you?”
“Not at all. Somebody fell ill and I had to take on the role of the Queen and play it as if I was one of the female teachers. As you can see, I fitted some breast forms on with special adhesive, and we can’t find the remover solvent, so these are fixed to me for the time being and it is easier to dress like this rather than trying to conceal them by binding them up.The girls at school don’t seem to mind, I think that they just see me as another of their women teachers.”
“It’s amazing that you are able to do this, you carry it off really well.”
“Look Margaret can you keep this quiet, the school is worried that if this all gets out that there will be a scandal and all sorts of trouble. Remember how proud we all were when the hockey team won the County Cup and the league, if it gets known that there was boy in the team, those awards will be taken away and we will all be shamed. Sorry if it sounds like I am sort of morally blackmailing you, but what good would that be for any of us.”
“ Your secret is safe with me, on one condition. You have never came to the class reunions, I would like to see you at the next one, just into the New Year at the end of January, is it a deal? I think the other girls would like to see Robin again, you were very popular.”
“Agreed, you drive a hard bargain, but please as far as anyone else is concerned I am just Robin, a former classmate, ok?”
We chatted for a while catching up on what we had done with our lives until it was time for me to return to school and said our goodbyes with a farewell hug, promising to meet up again after the holiday period. I was sinking deeper into the mire of all this. I reported back to Carol that Maggie would keep quiet and that we should be ok, and that Maggie would pop in to see her, to confirm that nothing untoward had happened.
The review of of the pantomime was featured in the local paper, and whilst there was praise all round for the cast and the performance, I was singled out for special mention.
‘Robin Campbell was excellent in new role as the wicked Queen and she shows a lot of promise, perhaps the local AM-Dram groups should get in contact. We understand that Robin, a teacher and former pupil at the school, was a late replacement for a sick colleague, stepping in just one day before the show, but this was not obvious from her superb performance.’
The repeated references to me as female was a bit embarrassing, and drew a lot of cheeky comments from the girls and amused giggles from the other teachers. I didn’t know who the critic was but just wished that they hadn’t been so lavish in their praise, I was hoping to keep my true identity under the radar.
For the rest of the week until the end of term, even though I now had a delivery of the solvent, I carried on as ‘Miss Campbell’ to save changing back and forth for the panto, and soon nobody even particularly noticed what I looked like or sounded like. It was pointed out to me now that I was being seen as one of the women and becoming more involved with the general chat in the staff room my voice intonation and speech patterns were becoming more feminine and not out of place with the others. This even carried over into the classrooms and lessons, and now the girls were all calling me ‘Miss Campbell’, not as a cheeky joke but just as a term of respect for their teacher.
We broke up for the Christmas and New Year holidays and I was looking forward to returning to being‘Mr Campbell’ again back at home with Sara.
My father was unfortunately out of the country for Christmas and my sister Karen and her husband Colin were visiting her in-laws, so we invited Mam to come over for Christmas Day. Although it was only the three of us and not a full table of family we had an enjoyable time and an excellent traditional dinner, before sitting down to relax over drinks and watching the festive TV shows.
“ Oh Robin,” Mam said with a big smile,” I saw the review in the paper about your performance in the pantomime, you seem to have done a good job, you should have told me and i would have come to see the show. However, what I couldn’t understand was all the references to you as ‘she and her’ and that you were a former pupil, what is all that about?”
I explained to her how I had got into the situation and also told her about my few days teaching dressed as a woman and meeting up with Maggie.
“I thought that you dressing as a girl was all just to help out Josie Marshall and stop the bullying at school, but obviously it had some effect on you, do you enjoy dressing as a woman?”
“Honestly Mam, it’s not unknown, but it’s only been a big thing the last couple of weeks with the pantomime and everything that followed.”
“ Robin, do you think that I could meet ‘Miss Campbell’, I’m intrigued as to how you look, and am also slightly peeved that everyone else has met her apart from your own mother.”
“It’s been a busy day Mam, let’s leave it, maybe tomorrow when the excitement of Christmas has calmed down.”
Boxing Day morning, Sara convinced me that Mam deserved to see me so I transformed back into ‘Miss Campbell’ wearing a casual dress rather than the my normal (?) business that I had been wearing for work, and went downstairs to face Mam.
“I’m astonished Robin, I would never have thought that you would be so convincing, you are just so natural. After breakfast let us all go for a walk to get some fresh air and blow away the cobwebs from yesterday. Obviously you should just stay as you are, you’ve made a lot of effort with your make-up and hair and it would be a shame to waste it.”
The walk in the park turned into the next three days until Mam went back home, shopping trips, a theatre visit, lunches out, generally just socialising as any three women would. I found myself slipping into female mode again, the way I spoke, walked, giggled with Mam and Sara, and my general mannerisms. But it all had to come to an end and I prepared to go back to school as ‘Mr Campbell’.
It had been a hectic and unusual time lately, temporarily becoming ‘Miss Campbell’, and The Wicked Queen, and my time with Sara and Mam over Christmas. I just hoped that the next term in the New Year would be a little more routine.
To be continued
It had been a hectic and unusual time lately, temporarily becoming ‘Miss Campbell’, and The Wicked Queen, and my time with Sara and Mam over Christmas. I just hoped that the next term in the New Year would be a little more routine.
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The new term started as normal, I was back to being Mr Campbell, much to the disappointment of most of the girls, who had got used to me being Miss Campbell.
‘ Oh Sir, you were a much better teacher when you were Miss Campbell, we could talk to you a lot more easily, will we see her again, please?” asked Kirsty Scott, one of my year 8 pupils with her pleading puppy-dog eyes.
“Don’t be silly Kirsty, you all know that I just dressed like that because of the panto, you are old enough to know that men do not normally dress in women’s clothes.”
“ It’s not fair is it Sir, when I want I can wear trousers or jeans and anoraks or jackets and stuff, why should men not be allowed to wear dresses and skirts?”
“It’s just the way it is Kirsty, let’s drop it and get on with the lessons.”
“ Like I said, a lot off us would like you to turn into Miss Campbell again, it was much nicer.”
“ Kirsty, I said drop it, instead of turning into Miss Campbell, I could turn into the Wicked Queen, and cast spells on you all or poison you to put you to sleep for a long time, at least that would give me some peace and quiet.” That seemed to stop the conversation from the girls, although I was still getting some strange questioning looks from many of them.
Nobody said anything like that in the staff common room, but the atmosphere and the way I was being treated changed, suddenly as a man in a room full of women I was an outsider. Whilst everyone was polite and civil, the friendliness of being in the group with the women had stopped. Before all the dressing-up had started I had not particularly felt excluded, but now I definitely noticed the difference in the way I was looked upon.
Things settled down for the next few weeks until I got the call from Maggie Thomas.
“Hi Robin, just a reminder about the class reunion next Saturday at the Majestic Hotel, you are still coming aren’t you, you did promise as part of my deal to keep quiet.”
‘I was hoping you would not keep me to it, but a promise is a promise, I’ll be there. What time is it and what sort of do is it.”
“7:00 for 7:30 in the small function room, there will be a notice board in the hotel lobby. Normally there are only about 20 of us, but I spread the word that you would be coming and the numbers have doubled. All the girls from the hockey team will be there as well as those in our class, and they are all looking forward to meeting you again, it has been a long time since anyone has seen you. It is not a formal do with fancy long dresses or anything like that, just a smart cocktail dress will do, the girls normally glam it up a bit, but no need to go too wild.”
“Look Maggie, you know my situation, I am a bit worried about this, I am not sure if I will get through the night without being discovered.”
“You’ll be fine Robin, honestly. When we met on the bus, I recognised you as the girl I had been to school with, and until I talked to the headmistress after the show and she told me you were her sports MASTER, I would never have guessed, even during the performance you came across totally as female. If it will be more comfortable for you I will meet you in the car park and we can go in together.”
“Don’t forget that, as far as anyone else is concerned, I am not teaching at Abbey High, I am at a school in the next county. the less people who know about me the better.”
When I told Sara that I really had to go to the reunion, she took charge of getting me prepared. For the next few days at home, I lived and dressed as a woman. Sara constantly watched how I was behaving and speaking, correcting me when I did or said something not quite right. I needed a decent cocktail dress which meant going to the next town with decent clothes shops, en femme, looking at and trying on clothes with Sara advising what suited and what didn’t. I ended up with a knee length Sapphire-blue silk-blend dress with a scoop neck and half sleeves with embroidery in silver thread around the hem, cuffs and neckline with matching 4”-heeled shoes. I thought that it was a bit expensive for one night out, but Sara insisted that despite what Maggie had said, that I would be expected to be in a good-quality outfit.
My hair was long enough to be cut into a pixie style, but Sara thought that I needed to appear ultra-feminine. She had a friend who ran a beauty salon who owed her a big favour, so on the Saturday morning I was fitted with a mid-length natural hair wig, and my own hair was drawn through the mesh base and woven into the wig , all dyed to blend in, and styled in a formal up-do with hanging side curls. I was also subjected to a full beauty treatment, waxing, masks, eyebrows nails, the whole works. I was glad that this was being done as a favour, I shuddered to think what it would all have cost.
After finishing my make-up at home I put on my new dress and shoes, and wearing a coat borrowed from Sara and carrying one of her clutch bags, I was feeling ever so glamorous but extremely nervous as she drove me to the Majestic.
I met Maggie in the car park as arranged and she linked arms with me for moral support and led me into the hotel. We handed in our coats, freshened up in the Ladies, and I braced myself to walk in and meet the others.
“Just relax Robin, you are looking gorgeous, you will put most of us to shame, just be natural and you will have no trouble. Remember how you fitted in when we were at school, just treat everybody as old school friends and they will treat you exactly the same.”
“ Right Maggie, I’m ready, let’s go into the lions den.”
I drew a lot of looks when we entered the room, mainly questioning who I was, but that was all cleared up when a blur in red came rushing over towards me and gave me a massive hug,
“Oh Robin, it’s so good to see you again, it must be two years since we last met. I’ll never forget how you stopped my bullying torment and gave me the confidence to get on with life. After you have said your hellos, we must sit down and catch up.”
“We must Josie, I’m sorry we’ve neglected you recently, but I have been so busy with all my work.”
That broke the ice and most of the girls came over to welcome me back into their social circle. Many were still recognisable although it had been 10 years or so since we had last seen each other, some I would never have recognised if I passed them in the street. Instead of the gangly young girls I had known, most of them were now sophisticated self-assured young women.
Over dinner and drinks I had opportunities to catch up with what had happened in their careers and personal lives, many were married with children, many were in solid professional careers, but in their own way they all seemed to be happy and successful.
Maggie and Josie did excellent work looking after me and steering me away when conversations about what I was doing became difficult, and I really enjoyed the evening, meeting old friends again and reliving much of the fun time we had all had together. Towards the end of the evening I was stunned when my headmistress, Carol Cummings, came into the room. She was in the hotel with friends, had seen the notice about the reunion, and decided to call in to say hello to some of the former pupils that she had previously met.
“Well, well, well, Robin, I didn’t expect to see you here. Are you enjoying yourself reliving old times with your friends?”
“Please Carol, don’t say anything, as far as they are all concerned I’m just another friend from schooldays, one of the girls here for a good night out.”
“Don’t worry Robin, your secret is safe with me. However I need to have a conversation with you about a school matter, and didn’t know how to approach you with it, but seeing you here tonight makes it a lot easier for me. Can I come round to see you tomorrow, it may be easier to have the conversation at your home, rather than in school.”
Carol soon went back to her friends, leaving me with a mixture of worry and intrigue, and the night out with the girls continued. I had never particularly kept in contact with the people I had been at college and university with, they were good friends at the time but I never related to them as closely as I did to the girls I was with that night, and I decided that I would keep in touch and attend future reunions.
At the end of the evening, I said my goodbyes to them all, particularly to Maggie who had drawn me back into their social circle, with a special hug and kiss and an invitation for her to call round to my house, meet Sara again and get to know each other better. Josie came back in the car with Sara and I, they knew each other very well from our younger days as Sara had helped make me into a believable girl to attend school and help Josie, and at the time they had become very good friends.
When we got home, Sara, now heavily pregnant, was feeling tired and went to bed leaving Josie and me to have a drink and a chat.
“Robin, if you don’t mind me asking, do you dress as a woman often or is tonight a one-off just to see how people have turned out?”
“Josie, I haven’t seriously dressed since leaving Abbey High after my year there, although I won’t deny that it is not unknown. However recent events have come together to bring Robin, the girl, back to life again.”
I told her about the pantomime, and the problems with the breast forms, and teaching for a few days wearing a skirt and blouse, and how Maggie had talked me into attending the reunion.
“I’m glad that it is not my fault, I’ve been worrying all evening that you helping me all those years ago has affected you and it is because of me that you dress as a woman. You seemed to enjoy yourself with the girls tonight and fitted in with us all, you appeared just so natural, and if I may say so, one of the most attractive girls in the crowd.”
“Josie, it’s nobody’s fault that I like to wear women’s clothes or that my genes make me passable, it is just the way it is.”
“ What about Sara, is she ok with it all.”
“She doesn’t mind me dressing occasionally as long as I am discreet, but she loves her husband and I live my life as any other man, and as far as I am aware, nobody else knows. although recently Maggie and Carol have become aware of my situation, and you have always known.”
“ You know that I owe you a lot Robin, if ever you need a friend to talk to I will always be there for you.”
The next morning I had to prepare myself for the visit from Carol. Although my hair was still in place from the night out and just brushed out of the up-do to hang to my shoulders, my nails remained a brilliant blue to match the dress I had worn, and my skin still bloomed from the facials I had received, otherwise I dressed in casual men’s clothes and was looking fairly androgynous when Carol arrived.
“I wasn’t sure how I would find you this morning Robin, but even in those clothes, you still look like a woman to me.”
“Carol, if you think that I could be an embarrassment to the school or cause a scandal I am willing to resign, as long as you give me a good reference I should easily be able to get a new post elsewhere.”
“No need for that, it is not why I am here, although I can assure you that your career at Abbey High is perfectly secure. How you conduct your personal life is your affair, but if you want to carry this over into your life at school, you need to decide whether it is to be as ‘Mr Campbell’ or ‘Miss Campbell’, I know which the girls and staff would prefer, but I will not force you in either direction.”
It will be as ‘Mr Campbell’, but thanks for the offer.”
“Why I wanted to see you is that we have a situation arising that you will have a special insight into. I have previously been contacted by one of your old classmates that was at the reunion last night, no names at this stage, and she reminded me last night that I had not replied to her. Her nephew has said that he wants to attend our school as a girl, he feels he has always been a girl, and wants to grow up amongst girls. I know that you, a boy, attended the school, but at the time nobody knew or had the chance to object. Times are changing and these things are becoming more common and even acceptable. What do you think, can we overcome any difficulties that may arise?”
“ Wow, that is a strange one to throw at me, I don’t consider myself as an expert on gender problems, I just know how I feel and how it affects me. I would suggest that if it was known that you were letting a boy attend the school that you would attract a lot of negative attention from the press and parents of other pupils and that it may be best to keep it all secret. I got through a year at school without any major problems and without being discovered, and I did not have such strong feelings of wanting to be a girl. Have you met yet, do you know how passable the child is?”
“I haven’t met them yet and need to do so, would you be willing to carry out the interview alongside me? Of course, as you are known to your ex-schoolfriend as a female that is how I would prefer you to appear when we meet them.”
“I can see the benefit in that, it would be less intimidating than if I was there as a man. Can I also suggest that you involve Gerald Browne, he is a former chair of the governors, and also happens to be my wife’s father. He knew about me at the time and was heavily involved with getting me admitted as a pupil, and I am sure that he was also involved with you taking me on as the school’s first male teacher.”
“Thank you so much Robin, you will be a big help in this. I’ll arrange something tomorrow and let you know what is happening. By the way, your hair was looking lovely last night, it would be a shame to cut it all off, If you want to leave it long like that it’s fine with me as long as it is neat and tidy.”
I had a long chat afterwards with Sara and told her all that had been said. She loved my hair longer and was happy for me to keep it that way, which was just as well as her friend had no appointments the next week to strip it all back anyway, and the only other option would be to cut and destroy a beautiful and expensive wig. As long as I remained her husband, and father to our forthcoming baby, she said that she was not too bothered how I dressed or looked.
Monday morning with my hair tied back at the neck, but looking more like a full-bodied woman’s style rather than a thin male ponytail, but otherwise dressed in my normal jacket and trousers I arrived at school and headed for the staff room. With my full head of hair, trimmed eyebrows and softer skin, i was quickly accepted back into the group again, even in men’s clothes with no make-up I was just seen as another female member of staff.
As expected, the girls quickly adapted to calling me Miss Campbell again and the atmosphere in the classroom changed for the better. the girls responded to my questions a lot more easily and didn’t seem as wary or intimidated as the had recently been with me as Mr Campbell. On her way out to lunch, Kirsty Scott, who seemed to be the mouthpiece for the other pupils, suggested that I untie my hair and brush it out properly. I did that during lunch and looking at myself in the mirror, all I saw was an attractive woman.
“That’s so much better.” Kirsty said when I passed her in the corridor, “It really suits you like that.”
After school I popped along to see Carol to ask if she had made any arrangements yet for the interview.
“Yes, Friday afternoon at 4 o’clock after classes. We will be meeting Tracey Jones, who you know, with her nephew Michael, who prefers to be known as Fiona. On another matter, I have had lots of comments from the other teachers and from some of the girls about how you are looking today, all of them very complimentary. You will have to be in full female mode for Friday anyway, why not just complete your image and wear skirts or dresses for the rest of the week and come to school as a woman. you fit in so much better.
Tuesday morning, I fixed on my breast forms and put on a matching set of underwear, applied a little make up, brushed out and sprayed my hair, dressed in a a plain belted red sleeved dress and made my way to school. Everyone was delighted to see ‘Miss Campbell’ back again and after the initial flurry of compliments about my looks it was just another day and everybody soon forgot that there was anything out of the ordinary in the way I was dressed.
Wednesday was one of my hockey coaching days and I left the changing rooms wearing my usual track suit to go out onto the field.
“ That will never do.” said Kirsty, “you are Miss Campbell now, you should be wearing a games skirt and school top like the rest of us.” I was getting a bit fed up with her, it always seemed to be Kirsty encouraging my road to femininity. However she did have a point, and I went back inside and changed and tied my hair in a high ponytail before going out again.
The standard of hockey had improved a lot since I had started coaching the team, and the girls really appreciated it when I joined in the game, showing them the techniques on the pitch rather than shouting instructions from the sideline, Running up the field with my skirt swirling and my ponytail, and my breasts, bouncing about, brought back a lot of happy memories, and I promised myself that I would try to get the girls up to a decent level and give them the same memories. There were a couple of them, Kirsty especially, who showed a bit of promise that could be developed.
After the games session when the rest went in to get showered and changed, I held back Kirsty and Caroline, another of the girls that had a bit of talent, and suggested that they would benefit from some extra coaching and asked if they were interested.
‘Oh yes please Miss, I would really like that, I love hockey, and would like to help the team back to the success they had many years ago.” Kirsty was always the first one to speak and so full of confidence that also carried over into how she played on the hockey field and I knew she had the potential to be exceptionally good. “That goes for you as well Caroline, doesn’t it?”
“Ok Caroline, I will let you know when I have arranged something, go in now and get changed. Kirsty can you hang on a minute, there is something that I want to ask you. Kirsty, you are always the first to make comments about my being ‘Miss Campbell’ and how I look, you seem to have a special interest in my dressing as a woman, are you just being a bit cheeky or is there more to it than that?”
“I’m not being cheeky, I am not like that Miss, it is just that I have a friend, a boy who lives near me, who has always liked dressing as a girl, and we often play together or go out together shopping for clothes and things. He really would like to be a girl and when I have told him that I know of a man who sometimes dresses as a woman his eyes have lit up and he’s glad that he is not the only one like himself.”
“Kirsty, there are many people out there who would find men or boys dressing in women’s clothes as offensive. You really must keep this to yourselves. I would also appreciate it if you did not tell him who I am or tell anyone else about me either, if it became common knowledge that the school had a male teacher who dressed as a woman, it could be very embarrassing for us all. You need to tell your friend to be very careful when you are out and not to get into any situations where he could be discovered.”
“Fiona and I are always careful, and she really looks like a girl, nobody has ever said anything to us.” My mind was racing could this be the same Fiona that I would be interviewing later in the week?
I checked out the home address for Kirsty and asked Carol for the details of Michael/Fiona Jones, and they lived just around the corner from each other, it was obviously the same person. Before the interview on Friday, I told Carol and Gerald about Fiona being a friend of Kirsty, so that they were not caught unawares, and we met with Tracey and Michael/Fiona.
When Fiona came into the room, she looked no different to the other 13 year-olds that I taught, wearing a smart blouse and grey skirt and with her hair tied in bunches. she stood there very demurely until we invited them to sit down which she did very gracefully.
“Before we start,Tracey,”, asked Carol, “why are you here with Fiona, where are her parents, are we doing this behind their backs?”
“Not at all, my sister is a single-parent working as a senior nurse at the hospital and she couldn’t get time off, because of sickness of her normal cover, I can assure you that she is fully supportive of Fiona. Also as I was here at Abbey High for 7 years and know how the place works, we felt that it would be more comfortable and less embarrassing if I came with Fiona. It’s good to see a friendly face with Robin being here too, I feel a lot more calm now.”
“Ok Fiona, tell us about yourself and why you want to come to this school.”, asked Gerald
“ I do not like the school I am at now, I get bullied a lot by the boys, who call me a sissy, and pull my hair and push me around. The girls are ok with me, I usually spend my time with them, and feel that I belong with them. I like the things they do and the things they talk about and being in their company. I have a friend who is a pupil here and she tells me what a wonderful place it is, and being away from the boys, in classes with just girls, I think I could just be myself.”
“When did you start feeling like you belonged with the girls Fiona?” I asked.
“ I’ve always felt like this as along as I can remember, I’ve always played with the girls when I was younger, Barbie, My Little Pony, doll’s tea parties, dressing up with them like princesses, skipping, playing hopscotch. I was always with the other girls, until I started school I hardly ever met boys, the girls always said boys were horrid. When I started school my mum told me I had to be like all the other boys, wearing trousers, and cut off my lovely long hair. But the boys knew straight away that I was different and they teased me and made me play with the girls, and I just went along with it as I preferred the girls’ company anyway. I have a special friend, Kirsty who just accepts me as I am, she lets me borrow her clothes and we go shopping or play in the park together.”
“When I started senior school, things got worse, the boys were even nastier and bullied me, calling me names, and one time even took my clothes from the gym changing room and left me with a set of girls clothes, which I had to wear until the end of the day when I went home. It was awful, everyone picked on me and called me names after that. The school did not understand what was going on and treated it as if it was just a joke, but it was more than that, the boys knew better than the teachers.”
“And what makes you think it will be different here, do you not think that the girls will soon find out about you and that you will be bullied here just as much, some girls can be just as nasty as boys.” I said, I seemed to be taking the lead in this discussion, Carol and Gerald were happy to let me ask the questions.”
‘Kirsty has told me about how friendly everyone is here, and I will be just another girl amongst the others, she and her friends will help me to get to know everyone and what I am expected to do, and I know that I will fit in. Because of all the bullying I am not comfortable in classes and my learning is suffering, i am sure that if I was here that my grades would all improve again.”
“ You do realise, don’t you Fiona, that it is not just a matter of wearing prettier clothes but it will be a different way of life? People will treat you differently and expect you to behave differently. It will be difficult for you, especially at first until you settle in.”
“ I know, but it is how I want to live my life, if you will let me, and I’ll have Kirsty to help me.”
“ That’s all for now Fiona, I asked Kirsty to stay behind tonight. I’ll go and get her and whilst we are discussing things with your Aunt Tracey, Kirsty will show you around and you can see if you like the place.”
Carol, Gerald, and I talked through with Tracey all the problems that Fiona would face, I obviously had a lot of first-hand knowledge from my time at the school, fitting in socially and emotionally with the girls, but eventually we all agreed to give it a try and transfer Fiona over into Abbey High. However it was emphasised that this was a trial and if it did not work then she would have to leave, and keep details of her time here confidential. Tracey told us that she ran a successful dress-hire business and that she would help out to cover the school fees and the cost of the uniform, so that would not be a problem for Fiona’s single-mum.
On the following Monday I took Kirsty aside for a chat.
“You know that Fiona will be joining us in a few weeks when things get sorted out. I will be getting her put into my home class with you so that I can keep an eye on how she is settling in, but I can’t watch over her when she is in classes with other teachers, so I am relying on you to let me know if there are any problems. Everyone knows that I am giving you and Caroline special hockey coaching, so you have a good excuse to come to talk to me without anyone suspecting anything. We also need you to help her settle in, sit next to her in classes, have lunch with her, until both of you feel comfortable with her mixing with the others more often. Is any of that a problem?”
“No Miss, it’s all what I would have wanted to do anyway, and thank you for helping to get her transferred here, she was ever so much happier over the weekend.”
Easter was very early that year so Fiona would be joining us for the Summer term in a couple of weeks.
By now I was ‘Miss Campbell’ full-time at school, any comments from the girls and staff had died down and I was just being treated by all exactly the same as all the other teachers. I was myself becoming more comfortable in my new persona, doing my hair and make-up in the morning was becoming automatic and routine, I didn’t even think about it anymore. It had been an exciting few months for me with lots of changes, I was looking forward to the summer term and what it might bring.
To be continued
I had been giving my situation a lot of thought, I had drifted into living and working almost full-time as a woman. My wife Sara had gone along with it without complaint but our situation was changing.
Our baby was almost due and Sara was getting everything organised for our new arrival and, except for the discomfort associated with being 81/2 months pregnant, was getting really excited and looking forward to our new arrival.
“Robin, the baby is due soon and I really think that I need my husband at the birth. I know the situation at school, but I really need you to go back to living as a man. The first few months of the baby’s life it will not make much difference, but once they start becoming aware of their surroundings you need to be there as their father. Around the birth and during your paternity leave when the health visitors will be coming around, you need to be a full-time man again. We can sort out what happens after that.”
“ I’ve been thinking the same, I was planning to have a word with Carol to see how best to handle it at school. Obviously I agree with you about being at the birth and immediately after. If you can live with it, after the birth I think I would like to see out the rest of the school year until July as I am now. I will see if I can transfer to another school where I am not known and continue my career as ‘Mr Campbell’ again. I think it will be less likely to cause any upset with the pupils than if I suddenly left without explanation.”
“ I feel rotten making you do this, I know how much you enjoy working at Abbey High.”
“You are not making me do this, this has all snowballed out of control. I know, and you know, that I enjoy dressing occasionally, but I don’t think that I want to live the rest of my life as a woman, this is a good time to stop and review my thoughts about my life.”
“Have a word with Carol to see what she can suggest, and remind her that in a couple of weeks or so that you will need time off work.”
I approached the Headmistress’s study with a great deal of nervousness, unsure of what my situation would be after talking to her.
“Thank’s for seeing me Carol, firstly let me remind you that the baby is almost due and I need the paternity leave to help Sara over the next few weeks, I trust that you have arranged cover for my lessons.”
“Of course, it’s not the best time, with all the preparations for exams in a couple of months, but we can manage.”
“ We have the Easter break coming up and that should tie in with my leave, so I should only miss a couple of weeks of lessons, and be back in time for the build-up to the exams.”
“ That sounds good to me. You have a worried look on your face is there something else you want to discuss?”
“This is a personal matter. Sara and I agree that for the good of the baby that I need to be a proper father, and that I need to stop dressing as a woman for the foreseeable future, which means that I need to go back to teaching as ‘Mr Campbell” again. I think that it will only create more confusion with the girls and the staff here, if I suddenly come in dressed as a man again. What I would like to do is to continue as I am until the summer break and then start again somewhere else where nobody knows anything about me.”
“ I will be sorry to see you leave as you are doing an excellent job here, but I understand your reasons. I know that there is no such thing s a typical family unit anymore, there are single-parent families, same-sex parents, and even some transgender parents, many of whom do a wonderful job raising their children, but I am a traditionalist and still think that having a mother and father in a stable relationship is best for a child.”
“Thank you Carol for being so understanding. I need to start looking for another job for the Autumn term, obviously I’ll look in the education supplements and professional magazines, but I would appreciate any help you can give me finding somewhere suitable.”
“ Leave it with me Robin, I’m sure that I can help. I’ll make a few phone calls and call in a few favours and I am sure that we’ll find somewhere appropriate. Now go back to your classes, you still have a lot of work to do here.”
Right on time Sara produced our baby, a beautiful little girl, who we had decided to call Isobel Katherine after our grandmothers. I was off work for a month ( including the 2 week Easter break ) and we soon settled into a shared routine of looking after Issy, the family name for her. By the end of the month I think Sara was glad to see me going back to work, leaving her to organise her day as it suited her without me fussing around Issy.
When I arrived back at school there was a message that Carol wanted to see me.
“Good news Robin, I’ve found you a vacancy with a school run by a friend of mine. It is a private boys’s school about a half-hour drive away. The headmaster would like to talk to you before any decision is reached, but I will be very surprised if you do not get the position. The even better news is that it is actually a promotion, to Head of English. I have really sung your praises so please do not let me down. I’ve written down the contact details, please get in touch with them and good luck.”
I arranged to go over to see the headmaster, Charles Lawrenson, at Kirkby Priory School, the following Saturday when the school was quiet and most of the week-boarders had gone home for the weekend.
Fiona Jones had now settled in at Abbey High, and although Kirsty was keeping an eye on her, she had fitted in with other girls and was making her own way without Kirsty having to look after her all the time. Fiona really fell into the role of a girl, and was probably more ‘girly’ than many of the others, always clean and well presented with her hair in ribboned bunches. The only exception to that was that Kirsty had introduced her to hockey and she took to it like a duck to water, she was a naturally athletic and competitive player, and she, Kirsty, and Caroline became the backbone of the team and linked together well, encouraging the others to improve their game.
Although the hockey team had a mediocre start to the season, thanks to my coaching, and the talent and enthusiasm of Kirsty and Caroline they had shot up the league and reached the semi-final of the County Cup. They were doing really well it would be a shame to leave them, particularly as now Fiona gave them that extra bite in midfield, and if they did not win anything this season things were looking really hopeful for next year.
“ Good Morning Mr Lawrenson, i’m pleased to meet you, Carol Cummings has told me a lot about your school and your progressive teaching methods, I would really like to be a part of it, if you find me to be suitable.”
“Hello Mr Campbell, please call me Charles, and if you don’t mind I will call you Robin. Although we are more formal with the boys, the staff here are all part of a team and we work with Christian names, or forenames if you want to be PC. We’ll talk about our curriculum and teaching methods later, but first tell me a bit about yourself and why you are leaving Abbey High.”
I gave him a potted history of my education and qualifications, obviously missing out the year I had spent at as a pupil at Abbey High, I covered the previous posts I had after qualifying and my time teaching at Abbey High, concentrating on the improvement in academic standards in my classes, my friendly approach to the pupils, and the success of the hockey team under my coaching.
“ I’ve really enjoyed my time teaching at Abbey High, and I have a good relationship with the staff and pupils. however my personal circumstances have changed, my wife and I have just had our first child, and this has made me re-assess where I want to be. The Headmistress and the Head of English are both well established in their positions and will be there for several years to come. Also, if I am not being un-PC, I have been the only male teacher in the school since the early 1900s when women got the vote and took over many traditional men’s roles in WW1 when the menfolk went off to fight, it seems unlikely that I will have any promotion to a senior position.
After my experiences at the sharp end of classroom teaching I feel that I should be looking at my next career step and there won’t be an opening there for promotion for sometime. I feel that although I enjoy my role in class and that is where I feel I am comfortable, I relish a new challenge and feel that I have something to offer in terms of developing the curriculum and teaching methods as a head of department.”
“As you no doubt know Robin, for a fee-paying private boarding school we are quite progressive and although we cover the traditional subjects in much the same way as other schools we believe in challenging and encouraging our pupils rather than applying a rigid discipline. Does that meet your expectations?”
“Very much so. I have an excellent rapport with the pupils at Abbey High, because I treat them as intelligent girls eager to learn and know when to be strict and formal and when to be more flexible and encouraging. I believe that they have a lot of respect for the way I treat them and explain things to them at a level they understand.
The interview and discussion continued in a friendly manner for another 2 hours, at the end of which Charles told me that, subject to confirmation from the Governors, the position was mine if I still wanted it and that I should plan to start in September for the Autumn term.
Sara was delighted and wanted to celebrate, but obviously with a new baby we couldn’t go out, so we invited Mam and Carol round to our house for a meal which we ordered in from a caterer to save time and bother for Sara.
Mam and Carol got on really well, and the subject soon got round to my dressing as a female.
“Sarah don’t you mind your son dressing up, you must know that he has been working in skirts for the past few months and the girls have been treating him as just another one of the women teachers.” Carol asked my Mum.
“ It’s up to him and Sara, he will always be my son, whether he wears skirts, trousers or whatever. I enjoyed the time over Christmas when the three of us went out a few times together, but I know that was not reality. Now that they have Isobel, I agree with them that it is best to lead a normal life, whatever normal is nowadays.”
I agreed with Carol that I would stay until the end of term after the exams, and so as not to rock the boat would continue as ‘Miss Campbell’, after which I would be hanging up my skirts - except on a few special occasions like the annual class reunions.
The girls were all working hard, particularly those sitting externally-assessed exams at the end of term, but the more junior classes had a less demanding timetable. Although Kirsty Caroline and Fiona were only 14, they were playing in the school hockey first team with girls 2 years older and between them were the star performers. I managed to find time to give them the extra coaching they needed, particularly how to deal with bigger stronger opposition by using their speed and agility. One big thing I would definitely miss about leaving Abbey High and my life as a female teacher was running around on the hockey pitch wearing my games skirt with my hair in a ponytail.
With their natural talent, and the experience of the older girls, they scraped through with a narrow win into the final of the County Cup. There was a buzz of excitement around the school at the thought of repeating our one major success of those many years ago. however it was not to be, that year anyway. Despite leading for most of the match, they were hit with two late goals to lose, but lose with honour and pride at how much they had improved this year.
With a heavy heart and some regrets, I left at the end of term, with tears from some of the girls, and some from me too, but I did promise to keep in touch with Kirsty and Fiona to make sure that Fiona did not face any major difficulties with her new life.
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2 Years later
I had settled into life at Kirkby Priory School and established myself with both the pupils and other staff. As Head of department I was kept busy and didn’t have time to do any sports coaching, which was just as well, as their big sport was Rugby which wasn’t exactly my favourite. I occasionally went to watch the hockey matches at Abbey High, just standing on the touchlines as a spectator. Sometimes, if I had noticed any particular faults in their play, or where they had not made the best of opportunities I had a word with Kirsty afterwards, who passed things on to the others as if she was the coach.
As I had thought, as Kirsty, Fiona and Caroline matured they turned into exceptional players and the team went on to win the league and cup double to follow on from the success of my year in the team. Fiona was blossoming as she was now getting treated for her gender dysphoria, and the hormones were kicking in, she was turning into a smart attractive young woman and I was glad of the part I had played in letting her live her life as the girl she had always felt herself to be.
At home, Issy was now running around and was a bundle of cuteness and energy and all my spare time was spent with Sara and her. I no longer dressed in women’s clothes on a regular basis, although if Issy was at her grandmother’s it was known to happen. We felt that until Issy was old enough to understand she would not see me dressed. The only time I went out in public was for the annual class reunion with the girls. They were delighted with the way the hockey team had improved, but slightly jealous that they had not only matched our achievements but had bettered them by winning the league by a record margin. Sara and I met up with Maggie Thomas many times, she became a good friend and kept my secret to herself, and, as Issy’s godmother, she filled in as a babysitter when grandparents were not available.
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8 Years later
Issy had developed as a bright, lively girl and it was soon time for her to go to senior school. I went round to see Carol Cummings, who was still headmistress, to arrange to enrol her into Abbey High the following year. She was delighted that I wanted to carry on from being a pupil and teacher to being a parent of a girl at the school. She told that many of the girls I had been in class with, or on the hockey team with, or who attended the reunions, had their own children at school now.
“You know Robin, as a former ‘Pupil of the Year’ and as a former teacher here that you should be eligible for a substantial reduction in the fees, perhaps even a full scholarship for Isobel. Obviously I will need to get approval, but I can’t see any problems, how does that sound.”
“That would help a lot, but even if it doesn’t work out I would still like Issy to attend here, it did an awful lot for me and many of the other girls I meet at the reunions, and I would like her to have the same opportunities.”
“That brings me nicely onto another matter. I will be retiring next year and the Governors are about to start looking for my replacement. I hear that you have done really well at Kirkby and are in line for promotion to Deputy Head of School. Do you think you could give that up to return here to take over from me?”
“That would be amazing Carol, I never thought about it as I am still the only male teacher you have ever had here, and didn’t consider that the board would ever appoint a man as Head.”
“That is why I brought this up after you just talked about the ‘other’ girls at your reunions. Do you think that you could consider being ‘Headmistress’? You do make a very attractive and passable woman and if you and Sara think that you could cope with being ‘Ms Campbell’ full-time for a few years it will be a great opportunity for you. As I said, a lot of the women at the reunions have their children here now, and they know you as a woman. None of the pupils you taught and who knew you as both ‘Mr Campbell’ and ‘Miss Campbell’ are here anymore, and most of those remembered you as ‘Miss Campbell’ anyway. If you can cope with it, I am sure there will be no problems at the school.
“I don’t know what to say Carol, you’ve taken me by surprise. I’ve put all that dressing behind me, at least in public, I don’t know how Sara will react and how we will deal with Issy, but I will have a think about it and let you know.”
As soon as I got home I sat Sara down for a serious discussion.
“You know that I have been offered the Deputy Headship at Kirkby and that would be a great opportunity for me, well I’ve just unofficially been offered the headship at Abbey High when Carol retires next year. That is the really good news, but the not-so-good news is that the post would be as Headmistress, they have never had a male Head and Carol thinks they will want to keep it that way. The big ethos in the school is that girls should be given all the opportunities that boys have, and that it would go against that principle to appoint a man in charge.
That would be a big problem for you too Sara as it would mean living full-time in public as effectively a female couple, either as sisters or being seen as a lesbian couple, but nowadays that sort of thing is tolerated, if not accepted. We would be living in the Head’s Lodge in the school grounds. so we would be moving from here to the other side of the town where I am not so well known. do you think you could live with that or should I just stay at Kirkby? The other big thing to consider is how Issy would react to suddenly losing her father and having two mothers.”
“I don’t think it would be a problem for Issy. A few weeks ago she came across some photos of you dressed up for your reunions and wanted to know who the pretty lady was. She recognised you somehow and keeps asking whether she could meet you sometime, as a woman, I think she is quite taken with the idea of you in a dress. In some ways I would prefer the prestige of being the wife of the Deputy Head, and maybe someday the Head, at Kirkby Priory School, however I know how much Abbey High is in your blood, and how much it would mean to you to be the Head there. As long as you are still there as my husband when I need you, I think I could live with the scandal and gossip of being the partner of the Headmistress. It’s up to you, whichever you prefer, but don’t underestimate the difficult challenges you will face if you choose Abbey High.”
“ Let’s sleep on it Sara and talk again tomorrow, it’s a massive decision and there is no need to rush into it.”
“ Robin, when I first got to really know you it was as a girl, when we met in the shop when you were out with Josie, and I helped you to adjust and fit in at Abbey High. For almost a year you were living as a girl and we were hanging around together, and since we became partners and husband and wife you have often dressed in skirts. I know you almost as well as a female as I do as a male. When you were teaching at Abbey High and dressing as a woman you fitted in really well and came across as quite natural, you only really stopped so as not to confuse Issy. If Issy can accept you as a woman, and I believe she will, I am happy to accept how you want to live your life. Let me have a word with her in the morning to make sure, then you can get dressed and we can all go out for the day together to see how she interacts with you.”
Later that morning, fully dressed and made-up, I was introduced to Issy. When she first saw me her eyes were like saucers and all teary and glazed. She ran over and hugged me as tight as she ever had.
“ Oh I love you like that Daddy, or should I call you Mummy, you are so pretty. Why have I never seen you like this before? Mummy says we are all going out together for the day, it will be good fun to all be girls together for a change.”
We did have a fun day, walking in the park feeding the ducks and swans, going to Issy’s favourite burger restaurant for lunch, shopping for some new dresses, underclothes and make-up for me, and a new skirt and some tops for Issy. After I got accustomed to being out in public again as a woman, it was just a normal pleasant relaxing day. We arrived home tired but happy, the day couldn’t have gone better with Issy.
“I can’t call you both Mummy, I’ll call you Mam, the same as you call my Granny, that way you will know who I am talking too. I loved today out with you and Mummy, can you not be my Mam all the time?
“ We’ll talk again tomorrow pet, it’s time for your bed, but I am sure you will see me again. I think that you should call me Auntie Robin, rather than Mam, it might be better.”
That was the moment that decided it. Sara and I had a long chat and decided that I should accept the position of headmistress at Abbey High. The school had played a significant part in my life and it had a strong attraction for me. Sara again emphasised that she could live with me presenting as a woman, as long as I was a man in the bedroom and at other times when she needed me to be.
I went in to see Carol Cummings the following day, fully in female mode, and told her that I would be interested, if the governors could accept me.
“I’ve been talking to a few friends about your situation. As far as your official records are concerned, you can get them all changed to show you as a female, you don’t have to have a physical transition if you don’t want to. For legal child-protection reasons I think the Governors have to be aware about you, but there is no reason for anyone else to know, not even the other staff. Obviously you will have to have an official interview, but with my recommendation that will be a formality. You are a former pupil, indeed our first ‘pupil of the year’, you have been a successful teacher here, both academically and with the sports teams, you have done really well and been offered a Deputy Headship at your current school, you will be an asset to Abbey High.
The start of the Autumn term saw me start in my new role. Over the summer I had my gender re-registered, and let my hair grow out so that I no longer needed a wig, we had moved into the Head’s Lodge, and Sara and Issy were introduced to everyone as my Sister and Niece, whether people believed it or not.
The staff all started a week before the pupils so that we could get to know each other and plan lessons. I was pleasantly surprised find that I already knew two of the teaching staff. Fiona Jones had gone on to university after her transition to study art and design and that was her speciality subject although most of our teachers taught several subjects at the more junior level. Kirsty Scott had had a successful time playing hockey at County level while at university and had attended training camps with the national team, although not managing an appearance. She was to teach history and run the sports department with help from Fiona. The pair of them were delighted to see me again and promised to do their best to help me settle in to my new role.
The next week the girls started back at school and at the first morning assembly I introduced myself to them and gave a little pep talk.
“Good morning girls, welcome to the new year at Abbey High, particularly those who are here for the first time. I hope you will find that you can talk to each other, or to any of your teachers, or even to myself, if you have any problems. One of the most important lessons that I would like you all to learn and take away with you when you leave sometime in the future is that if you help each other, you will get the help returned when you have need of it. I first came here as a pupil acting as a Good Samaritan to help a girl I knew who was having a really bad time from some bullies, and was quickly accepted. I made some friends that I still have, including the mothers of some of you, that were pupils here with me, and some of your teachers. You will hopefully learn a lot of academic things here to help you in your future careers, but please also use your time at Abbey High to learn things that will help you in your personal life too. Be like the Good Samaritan and help each other and you will all be better people for doing it. That’s all girls, now off to your lessons and I hope we all have a successful year. My new life was just beginning