“I’m almost finished,” said Toni as she swished her make-up brush across my face.
“Thanks for doing this for me,” I said sincerely. “There’s no way I could keep these jars of make-up and brushes at my house. Dad would eventually find them for sure.”
Toni set her brush down, leaned back in her chair and created a frame with her hands by putting her thumbs together to form a box. She looked at me through that and grinned. “You look picture perfect, Rob as usual. Just gorgeous!”
I grinned and said, “Thanks. I love coming over here and dressing up. I wish I could do this at home.”
“I don’t,” said Toni with a pout.
“Why not?” I asked.
“Then you wouldn’t come over here anymore,” she said seriously.
I laughed and said, “Of course I’d come here! But you could also come to my house.”
“Well, it’s just too bad you can’t dress like a girl all the time. It really suits you,” said Toni.
“Thanks,” I said. “It does feel normal to me. My dad would literally kill me if he saw me right now.”
Toni smirked and said, “Really? He’d “literally” kill you?”
With a worried expression I said, “Yes! I do mean literally. Mom really wants a daughter, but she got stuck with two sons. And that’s all since she almost died giving birth to me. But I’ve heard Dad actually say to Mom how disappointed in me he is since I don’t go out for sports and crap like my big brother.”
Toni said, “Well, you should talk to her when your parents get back from their trip. It’d be a shame if you let yourself develop into a man.” It was July and my parents and my brother took a trip to Florida to visit some relatives. I asked if I could just stay home. Since Dad doesn’t really like me much, it was a pretty easy yes from him.
I looked at the floor and said, “Maybe I will. Anyway, thanks for letting me borrow your clothes. I love this skirt.”
Toni dismissed my comment with a small wave of her hand. She said, “It’s just a denim skirt. Nothing really special about it. Tell you what. It’s yours. You can keep it.”
Grinning, I said, “Serious? Oh wow. Thank you so much!”
Toni said, “You should come with me sometime when I go to the mall to do some shopping. You’d enjoy it. We could…” Her voice trailed away and she suddenly looked embarrassed. She said, “I forgot! I asked Cameron to take me to the mall today this morning before lunch. He’ll be here any minute!”
I jumped up and shouted, “You did what? Oh my God! He can’t see me like this! I need to go home.”
Toni looked indignant as she said, “Well, it’s not like I did it on purpose! Besides, I bet he won’t mind. Don’t you have a crush on him?”
My eyes flashed as I said, “Yes! I do. But now he’s going to hate me!”
Frowning, Toni said, “He’s not going to hate you. But if you never talk to him, if he never sees the real you how are you ever going to go out with him?”
I gathered up my clothes in my arms to take them back home. I said, “He’s not going to date me anyway. He’s very straight. I gotta go.” Holding my boy clothes in my arms, I ran out of Toni’s room and headed for the door.
I flung open the door and ran through it and ran right into Cameron as he was about to ring the doorbell, knocking him backwards to the ground. I dropped my clothes and almost fell myself. I didn’t know whether to pick up my clothes and keep running, help Cameron back up, or just run and hide.
I picked up my pants and held it in front of me as if to hide and looked at Cameron as he started to stand up. I said, “I am so sorry! I didn’t see you there. Are you okay?”
Using both hands, Cameron patted off some dirt from the back of his pants. He just grinned at me and said, “I’m okay. Girls throw themselves at me all the time, just not quite so hard.”
Toni stood in the doorway laughing.
I don’t know how many shades of red my face turned as I stood there mortified. I have a huge crush on Cameron, and here I’ve knocked him down and now he’s seen me dressed as a girl. I said, “I’m really sorry, Cameron. I didn’t mean to knock you down.”
He smiled at me and said, “It’s no problem, really. Nothing broken.” He looked at me for a moment and said, “Don’t I know you?”
“We’ve never met!” I said quickly. “This is the first time I’ve seen you.”
He grinned and said, “You just said my name.”
I just stood there, trying desperately to make myself tiny and it wasn’t working. Cameron stared at me for a few moments. He looked surprised when he apparently recognized me.
“I do know you!” exclaimed Cameron. “You’re that chick at school who dresses as a boy all the time. You’re always hanging out with Toni.”
Still laughing, Toni said, “She dresses as a boy because she is one.”
Horrified, I said, “Toni, no!”
Looking confused, Cameron said, “You’re not a girl? You mean I’ve held doors and helped you pick up your books that time you were bumped and dropped them and you’re not a girl? I’ve always thought you were a girl. And you sure look like a girl now!”
Now Toni looked puzzled. She said, “You’ve thought Rob was a girl all this time?”
Looking annoyed at apparently being fooled, even though I never presented myself as a girl at school, Cameron said, “Well yeah. I mean, I’ve never really talked to her and even when I picked up her books, she gave me such a sweet smile and the way she said ‘thank you’, she just came across as a girl. I mean ‘he’, not ‘she’.” He backed a step or two from me.
Folding her arms, Toni said, “Now Cameron, we’ve been friends for a very long time. I’m going to trust that you’re not going to tell anyone about Rob. She’s my BFF. I mean really. And if word got out, it’d ruin her life.”
Shaking his head, Cameron said, “Naw, I won’t say anything.” Looking at me, he laughed and said, “You’re the prettiest boy I’ve ever seen.”
Embarrassed that the boy I think is just the cutest just told me I’m pretty, I said, “Thank you!”
Cameron gave me an odd look, but turned to Toni and said, “Do you still want me to take you up to the mall?”
“Sure! Let me get my purse,” said Toni. As she started to turn to go back into the house, she stopped and turned back to me and said, “Why don’t you come with us?”
Horrified again at the idea of riding to the mall in public, I said, “I’d love to, but I don’t think it’s a good idea.”
Toni looked frustrated as she said, “Oh, come on! It’ll be fun. Who’s going to know?”
Cameron said, “Honestly? Nobody’s going to be able to tell you’re not a chick. You fooled me and I consider myself an expert on chicks.” True enough. All the girls love Cameron. He’s not the football team captain, or a track star. In fact, he’s in the choir. But he’s just so gorgeous!
I said, “Okay. It’s against my better judgment though.” I had to admit, going to the mall as a girl was both extremely embarrassing and extremely exciting. I’ve wanted to go out in public, but just never had the guts.
Toni smiled and said, “Great! You ride shotgun, Rob. I’ll hop in the back.” By letting me sit next to Cameron, it’s obvious that Toni is trying to bring us together. But what’s the point? It’s not like I can date him.
As we climbed into Cameron’s car, Toni said, “Rob. We can’t keep calling you ‘Rob’ if you’re going to be a girl. Did you ever decide on a girl’s name? I know there were several you were considering.”
I said, “Zoe. For some reason that just seems to click with me.”
“Cool,” said Toni as she settled into the back seat. “From now on, I’ll refer to you as Zoe whether you’re dressed as a girl or not.”
Cameron hit the gas and we were on our way to the mall. Depending on traffic, it would be a less than ten minute ride. On the way there, I kept stealing glances over at Cameron. This was the longest I’ve been in close proximity to him. He looked over at me one of the times I was staring at him. I gave him an embarrassed smile and looked away, but not before I noticed that he grinned at me. I’d give anything to know what he was thinking at that moment!
Instead of parking, Cameron brought his car along the curb at the mall entrance. He said, “Okay, ladies. Here’s the mall. I’m guessing you’ll be here all day, so I’m going to head over to the arcade.”
From the back seat, Toni said, “Wait just a second. My mom is texting me. Oh well. It looks like the plans have changed. My mom just took the afternoon off from work. She’s meeting me here at the food court for lunch in about ten minutes. Sorry Zoe. It looks like you’re on your own this afternoon.”
Toni got out of the car and closed the door. She turned back to the car and indicated I should roll down my window. She said, “You know, it’s lunch time. You guys should try that new burger place over on Ranch Road. We went there last night and it was great.” Before she turned to head to the mall, she winked at me.
That’s when it hit me that Toni’s mom didn’t just text her about taking the afternoon off. She lied so Cameron and I could be alone together! I couldn’t believe it! One part of me loved the idea; the sane part of me thought it was crazy. I mean, Cameron was much more likely to take me home.
Cameron was looking at his phone. He said, “Speaking of texts. Some friends are meeting at Gordo’s Taco Emporium for lunch. Do you want to come along? It’s just across the street. Or I can just take you home.”
Feeling faint that he just asked if I wanted to come with him, I said, “I…I’d love to, Cameron. But I didn’t bring any money.”
Cameron looked at me funny and said, “You came to the mall to go shopping with Toni and you didn’t bring any money?”
Feeling defensive, I said, “I wasn’t expecting to go to the mall today. I thought Toni and I were just going to spend the afternoon looking at cute celebrities in the new magazines she got in the mail.”
Cameron just grinned and shook his head. He said, “Don’t worry about it. I’ll get it, if you want to come along.”
Oh my God! It’d be like going on a date. With Cameron! I think I’m going to just die!
I said, “Thanks. That’s very nice of you to offer. But is it okay? I don’t know how your friends will react to me. You’re not embarrassed to be seen with me?”
Cameron laughed. He said, “I’m never embarrassed to be seen with a pretty girl. And that’s what you look like. You even sound like a chick. It’s not like I’m taking you out on a date or anything.”
I knew it was a crazy thing to do. Going to lunch with Cameron and his friends was insane. The audacity of spending at least another hour with Cameron while dressed as a girl! I’d kick myself for the rest of my life if I passed this up. I never do anything more daring than going to Toni’s house so she can dress me up.
I smiled and said, “If you don’t mind me being with you, I’d love to go.”
Grinning at me, Cameron said, “Why would I mind? You’re not a perv are you? You’re not going to announce you’re really a guy are you?”
I felt my face turned red and I said, “Oh! I’d never do that! For your sake as well as mine. And no, I’m not a perv.” My dad would disagree.
“Let’s go then,” said Cameron as he pulled away from the mall entrance.
Gordo’s was quite literally just across the street. In less than two minutes after leaving the mall, Cameron was navigating his car into a parking space.
Glancing over at me as he turned the ignition off, Cameron said, “You look nervous. Don’t worry. My friends are cool.”
Looking at the car’s floorboard I said, “This is just suddenly so very public. I feel like I have ‘I’m a boy’ tattooed on my forehead.”
Cameron leaned over and took a long look at my face. He said, “Nope. I can’t see that tattoo anywhere. Relax Zoe. Just keep being that sweet girl and you’ll be fine. But I can take you home if you want.”
I shook my head and said, “No, no. I’ll be okay.” I took a few deep breaths. And then we got out his car.
As we entered Gordo’s we saw a group of kids sitting at the far end. Several waved at us and one of the boys called out, “Cameron! Over here.”
I wasn’t expecting so many of his friends. There were two girls, and three boys. It was obvious the girls were paired with two of the boys. I had a sudden desire to turn around and run. I might be able to fake being a girl in front of some hormone overloaded teen boys who weren’t going to look beyond the surface, but could I also pass muster with real girls? In the back of my mind, I could hear Toni’s voice saying, “You are a real girl!”
We went to the counter and ordered our food. I felt embarrassed that Cameron had to pay for mine. Then I thought how if it this was a date, he’d be paying for it anyway.
As we approached his friends, one of the girls pointed at me and said, “Who’s your friend?”
Holding my hand, Cameron smiled and said, “Everyone, this is Zoe.” Cameron then pointed at each of his friends and said, “Zoe, this Claire and Sam, Brandy and Stan and that guy on the end we have no idea who he is. We try to avoid him, but he keeps finding us.”
The guy frowned and said, “Thanks for that. I’m Jonah. I’ve actually known Cameron since kindergarten. I don’t remember seeing you at school.”
Before I could say anything, mainly because I had no idea what to say, Cameron said, “She goes to Woodson.” Woodson was the school across town. The two schools were always major rivals during football season.
Brandy said, “You’ve already gone through all the girls at school so you had to start with girls at Woodson? You know that there’ll be a new batch of girls starting in the fall.”
As we sat down at the crowded table, Cameron frowned and said, “Ha ha. That’s very funny, Brandy. Actually Toni introduced us.”
Claire grinned and said, “Ah, so Toni is back to match making! She was always actually pretty good at matching people up. You two look good together. Maybe you should keep this one.”
I smiled weakly at Claire’s comment. For the zillionth time today I felt embarrassed.
To my utter shock, Cameron slid his arm behind me and rested it on my shoulder. He grinned and said, “I just might.” In my ear, Cameron whispered really low, “Sorry. Gotta sell it.”
Pointing at me, Jonah said, “Let me guess. You’re a cheerleader, right? You certainly look the cheerleader type.”
I smiled and shook my head. I said, “No. I wish! But no, I’m not.”
Brandy said, “Don’t pay any attention to Jonah. He thinks every pretty girl should be a cheerleader.”
With a laugh, Stan said, “I think it’s a fetish or something with him.”
Looking indignant, Jonah said, “Is it my fault I think girls look really cute in those short little uniforms?”
Claire shook her head and said, “Why yes. Yes it is!”
Cameron said to me, “As you can see, my friends are a group of deep thinking intellectuals.”
Sam said, “Hey, we do talk about other things besides Cheerleaders. It’s not our fault Jonah thinks your girlfriend should be a cheerleader.”
Oh wow. Sam just referred to me as Cameron’s girlfriend. His girlfriend! And Cameron didn’t correct him. I know Sam doesn’t really know anything about me, but I smiled and squeezed Cameron’s hand. And he squeezed back.
Jonah said, “Well, before we jump into other, more intellectual subjects, like will there ever be a Half-Life Three, I’d like to say to Zoe, that she should consider transferring to the superior school in town and become a cheerleader. I mean, we only have twenty-four. I think the number should be twenty-five at least, don’t the rest of you?”
Claire rolled her eyes and ignored Jonah. To me she said, “I just love your hair. It’s so long and full.”
I smiled and said, “Thank you! Toni actually styled it for me just this morning.”
Claire said, “Maybe I should talk to her about mine. I regret cutting it so short.
Cameron leaned in close and whispered where I could barely hear, “Not a wig?”
I frowned at him and whispered back, “Of course not!”
For the next half hour, the conversation drifted from favorite TV shows to movies and mostly about gaming. I was surprised that both girls also played online. Of course I always play using a name that is some variant of Zoe since sometimes the name is already taken. We all decided that one day this week we’d all get online and play on a server together. Which meant sharing our phone numbers.
At first I was hesitant about giving out my phone number to these kids. Not that they were weirdoes or anything, but they all considered me a girl. As much as I’d like to, I can’t be a girl all the time. It seemed pretty daring to me do it and a huge risk. But dammit, here was a group of kids that accepted me as a girl.
For a long time now, Toni has accepted me as a girl. She’s actually been helping with it after all. But it was thrilling to me to be accepted by these other girls as well. They showed no suspicion at all. It made me think though, would they be so accepting if I hadn’t showed up with Cameron? And holding his hand.
Sam checked the time on his phone and said, “Cameron, we were planning on going to see that new Technoid Megabots movie. You and your girlfriend are welcome to come with us.”
While I got a kick out of being referred to as Cameron’s girlfriend, I did have a name. Was I being overly sensitive? In movies, they always say “Let the girl go!” even though everyone knows her name.
Brandy said, “Yeah. Another movie with no story and so much eye candy, you get a headache trying to follow the action.”
Jonah said, “It’s fun. And there are a few cute girls in it.”
Cameron said, “Zoe, do you want to go?”
Looking into his eyes, I said, “Sure! I’d love to go. If you don’t mind.”
Cameron laughed and said, “Of course I don’t mind!”
Claire said, “Make him take you to a romantic comedy next. That new one, ‘Fifty Pairs of Shoes’ is really good.”
Cameron frowned and said, “I don’t know about that…”
I grinned and said, “That’d be great. It’s gotten good reviews.”
Cameron just looked at me funny and said, “We’ll see.”
Sam said, “Well, we need to go if we’re going to make it to the one thirty showing.”
Cameron and I rode in silence as we headed to the theater, following his friend’s cars. Finally he said, “Nothing personal, Zoe, but you’re not really my girlfriend. I know my friends don’t know and I’m not telling them, but I was a bit annoyed that you tried to set up another date. To be honest, I wish you were a real girl. You’re pretty, you’re funny, you’re smart and I like you.”
“Thanks, I think,” I said, feeling hurt. “I don’t see a problem if that’s how you feel about me.”
“Bottom line you’re a boy. And I’m not gay,” Cameron said with a stern expression. “Dressing as a girl doesn’t make you a girl.”
“I don’t dress as a girl, I dress as myself!” I shot back. “I don’t consider myself as gay either.”
Cameron laughed and said, “Don’t you like boys?”
“I love boys!” Oh my God. I’ve never said that out loud, in front of anyone before. “But I think of them as the opposite sex. I really truly feel I’m female.”
Cameron said, “You certainly look the part. Like I said. If your parts were different, I’d love to date you for all the reasons I’ve already mentioned. You’re a sweet girl, Zoe. And oddly very close to what I look for in a girl. But you have a penis. There! I said it. I just can’t get past that.”
I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. I said, “I’m sorry. Trust me, I wish I didn’t have that. I really like you. I’m sorry I can’t be what you want.”
Looking actually concerned, Cameron said, “Hey, hey. Don’t cry! You have to know that it couldn’t work out between us. Forget everything else. I just met you. I don’t fall in love with every girl I meet. I do like you. You’re one of the sweetest girls I’ve gone out with. I’ve dated lots of girls and I haven’t settled in with any of them.”
Looking at the floorboards, I said, “I know. I let myself get carried away. But you didn’t have to say those things. You could have just said whatever you say to girls that you aren’t really interested in. What you said hurt. A lot.”
Cameron brought his car to a stop in a parking space at the theater. His friends were already walking towards the box-office. He sighed and said, “You’re right. I’m sorry Zoe. You didn’t deserve that. I really am sorry.”
I smiled weakly at him and said, “You don’t have to take me to a movie if you don’t want. It was a fun idea for me, to have a boy take me out on a date. But you can just take me home.”
Cameron stared at the steering wheel for a few moments. Finally he turned toward me and said, “Hey, we’re here. I want to take you.” He lightly touched my cheek and slid his fingers briefly though my hair before pulling hand back.
I smiled weakly again and said, “Sure. I’d like that.” I should have told him to take me home, but I’ve been dreaming of going on a date with Cameron for way too long.
Giving me an embarrassed smile, Cameron said, “Great. It should be a fun movie.”
We caught up with the rest of the group at the box-office. There wasn’t much of a line so in a matter of minutes we were in the lobby. That’s when I realized I needed to go use the restroom. Do I dare use the women’s? I wasn’t exactly dressed for the men’s room. Merely thinking that I had to go suddenly made the need imperative. Since I always sit to pee anyway, it wasn’t likely I’d forget and do it standing up.
Cameron said, “Do you want any popcorn? I know we just had lunch, but a movie just isn’t a movie without popcorn.”
Squeezing my legs together, I said, “Sure. Get a large so we can share. I really need to go.”
Cameron nodded and said, “Do you want a Coke?”
I started to walk away, the need was overwhelming. I said, “Sure. Is a large okay?”
As I started to hurry to the women’s restroom, Cameron said, “What kind of Coke?”
I was about to pee down my legs. I turned and said, “Dr. Pepper.” I then turned and ran to the restroom.
Inside the women’s restroom, Brandy and Claire were checking their make-up in the large mirror. I rushed past them in my mad dash to a stall. I thought just one second longer and I would have had a disaster.
From outside the stall, Brandy said, “So, Zoe. Is that right that Toni introduced you and Cameron?”
I wasn’t used to being talked to in the restroom. I said, “Yeah. In a way. I mean, I already knew who he was. It was mostly by accident.” Or was it? That got me thinking. Why would Toni’s mom text her to meet her at the mall? She wasn’t likely to leave work early. And how could Toni forget that she’d asked Cameron to take her to the mall on a day she knew I was coming over for some dress up? Oh my God! She planned for Cameron to take me out, if only for lunch. Since Cameron was likely to avoid me in the future now, I couldn’t decide to thank her or hate her.
Brandy continued her questioning, “That’s cool. She’s such a match-maker. She has a high success rate too. So how do you know Toni, if you don’t mind my asking?”
As I pulled my panties back up, feeling much relieved, I said, “We’ve been friends a long time.” I made sure everything was in place and tucked.
Brandy said, “Really? She’s never mentioned you before.”
I opened the stall door and said, “Does she mention all her friends?”
Claire and Brandy looked at each other and laughed. Brandy said, “Yeah! She’s a horrible gossip! She’s always talking about her friends. Don’t get me wrong. Claire and I love her to death, but she’s very chatty.”
I checked my make-up in the mirror, not that I could fix it anyway as I didn’t have a purse with me. My lipstick was long gone at this point, but everything else seemed okay. To Brandy I said, “Well, it’s not like we hang out all the time together.”
Claire said, “A word of warning about Cameron. He never goes steady with anyone. He’s dated both me and Brandy and half the girls at school. I’m only saying that because you seem like such a sweet girl that I’d hate to see you get hurt when he dumps you after a date or two. I mean, Cameron is really nice…”
Brandy chimed in and said, “He really is.”
“…but he just won’t stick with any girl for very long,” continued Claire. “Just don’t take it personally. It’s not you.”
I nodded and said, “Yeah, I’ve heard about his reputation. But I…”
Claire laughed and interrupted me and said, “But you weren’t going to turn down a date with him!”
Brandy giggled and said, “Welcome to the club! Sadly, membership isn’t very exclusive!”
Claire stepped towards a stall and said, “Hey, wait for me. Now I have to go!”
A few minutes later, all three of us exited the restroom. It’s funny how going to the restroom is a much more social experience as a girl.
Cameron was standing there trying to balance a tub of popcorn and two drinks. When I approached him, he said, “Here, take your drink. My hand is freezing. Sheesh, what do you girls do in the restroom anyway?”
I just smiled and said, “Wouldn’t you like to know.” I really didn’t think I needed to pump his ego by telling him we were discussing him.
We found our seats in the already darkened theater. We managed to get there just before the movie started. The theater was mostly empty on this weekday afternoon. We took up a whole row, especially since there was a blank seat between each “couple”. Well except for Jonah. He sat right next to me with Cameron on the other side. I snuggled up against Cameron, and he didn’t seem to mind.
During the movie, I’d occasionally glance down the row at Claire and Brandy. They were mostly doing the same as me, snuggling close to the guys. But every once in a while, I’d see them kiss their boyfriends on the neck, cheek or lips. I looked over at Cameron and wondered if I dared. Would he get upset at a kiss on the neck? Kissing him on the lips just seemed way to wild and crazy for me. I didn’t want him to storm off or something. Worrying about kissing him caused me to miss most of the movie.
Suddenly, Jonah placed his hand on my leg and started rubbing it. I picked up his hand by the wrist and put it back in his own lap. He grinned and a few minutes later his hand was back on my leg.
Before I could move his hand again, Cameron leaned across me and whispered, “Dude, keep your hands off my girl, okay?” I really didn’t think Cameron was seeing anything but the dazzling eye candy playing on the screen.
But I saw my chance and I took it when I heard Cameron refer to me as “his girl.” I wasn’t brave enough to kiss him on the lips, but I took a quick kiss on his cheek. I saw him smile instead of flinching. He slid his arm around my shoulder and pulled me closer to him. I honestly don’t remember much of the movie as I laid my head dreamily on Cameron’s shoulder. After whispering to Jonah, Cameron held my hand.
When the movie ended, and we all stood up, Jonah stretched with an exaggerated gesture and he managed to place his hand momentarily on my butt. He just grinned at me and quickly pulled his hand away. Cameron didn’t see it.
Jonah said, “That wasn’t a bad flick. I noticed a few continuity errors, especially the hero’s hat being on and off his head through the big fight.”
Sam said, “Yeah. I noticed a few plot holes too.”
Brandy said, “Don’t you guys ever just enjoy a movie? You always analyze it.”
Jonah grinned and said, “This way I won’t make these same mistakes when I’m directing block buster movies.”
Stan laughed and said, “The only movies you’ll ever make are cheap porn flicks using your phone.”
Jonah just laughed and said, “You’ll be jealous when I’m a big movie mogul. Just you wait.”
Cameron tugged on my hand and said, “Hey, catch you guys later. Maybe we can do something Saturday.”
Claire said, “Saturday? You’ll have a new girlfriend by then.”
I frowned and Cameron said, “You’re so funny. Ha. Ha. It is to laugh.”
Brandy said, “Well, it’s true.” Then to me she said, “Just kidding, Zoe.” Well, that confused the heck out of me.
Cameron waved to the group and led me out of the theater, through the lobby and then out to the mall hallway. We walked in silence as we headed into the interior of the mall.
“How did you like movie?” asked Cameron, still holding my hand.
I smiled at him and said, “I liked it. Lots of action, that’s for sure.”
Cameron nodded and said, “I liked it too. Of course, it’s obvious there’s going to be a sequel.” He was quiet for a moment and then he said, “I want to apologize for Jonah. He shouldn’t have touched you. I’ll beat him up later.”
I laughed and then suddenly looked serious and said, “I hope you were joking. But thanks for telling him to stop.”
Cameron grunted and said, “And he wonders why he never has dates. He’s actually a pretty sharp guy. Good at math and computers and great at gaming. He’s just socially retarded or something.”
I smiled and said, “Maybe that’s because he’s good at computers and gaming?”
Feigning being indignant, Cameron said, “Hey, I’m good at those things too!”
We continued to walk through the hallway, our hands swinging a bit as he kept holding my hand. It’s funny that a gesture so small could mean so much to me. I wanted to hang on to that little bit of contact for as long as possible.
I stopped to look at a dress display. I was surprised he didn’t try to pull me away. It was a bridal store and the dress in the window a beautiful prom/cocktail dress. I’ve passed this display before but dressed as Rob, so I didn’t feel comfortable in staring at it. But now, I could look at it all I wanted. I’m sure no one would care either way, but it just seemed more normal to ogle a dress while looking like a girl.
Cameron said, “You like that dress?”
I grinned up at him and said, “Oh yes. It’s gorgeous, don’t you think?”
Shrugging, Cameron said, “It’s pretty I guess. I don’t look at dresses that often.”
I said, “Would you buy it for me?” Of course I was joking.
Grunting a short laugh, Cameron said, “I can’t afford a picture of that dress. But to be honest, I’d love to see you in it, Zoe. I bet you’d be beautiful in it.”
“Thank you!” I said, beaming. “That’s so sweet of you to say. I’d love to wear it.” I sighed. “But I’m not likely to get invited to the prom next year and Dad’s certainly ain’t gonna buy it for me.”
There was a pause in the conversation as I just stood there and admired the dress. Finally, Cameron broke the silence and said, “You really want to be a girl?”
I looked down at my hands for a moment. I said, “As far as I’m concerned, I am a girl. Inside at least. I’m hoping I can get brave enough to talk my parents into putting me into a gender program or something.”
“How likely is that?” asked Cameron, taking my hand again.
Frowning I said, “Well, my dad would probably kill me first. Mom might kill me less.”
Cameron said, “Now don’t attach anything more to this than what I’m saying, but you’ve convinced me that you’re a girl. I look at you and I can’t see anything that looks like a guy to me. But I don’t understand it. I really can’t see why a guy would want to be a girl. I just don’t get it.”
Looking thoughtful, I said, “In all honesty, I don’t get it either. It’s just who I am. It’s how I feel. It’s how I think. I really wish I’d been born one way or the other. You can’t imagine how hard this is.”
Cameron smiled wryly and said, “Oh I can guess! I hope you get it worked out. You deserve to be happy. I can’t imagine you being anyone other than Zoe.”
“Thanks! I really appreciate that. I have to say I’m surprised though,” I said looking up into his eyes.
Cameron laughed and said, “I’m a renaissance man. What can I say?” He pulled his phone out of his pocket and checked the time. He said, “Oh, crap. I need to get home or my mom will kill me.”
I nodded. “I didn’t realize how late it was getting. Can you take me to my house?”
Cameron said, “Sure. Let me text Mom to let her know that I’ll be delayed a bit.”
Fifteen minutes later, Cameron pulled up in front of my house.
“Nice house,” he said.
I tossed my hair back and tried to sound sophisticated and said, “Why thank you! It’s our summer home.” I laughed and continued, “And our fall home, and winter and even spring.”
Cameron chuckled and said, “I’ll walk you to your door.”
I smiled as Cameron held my hand as we walked up to my door. The bright, hot late afternoon summer sun shone onto my porch, casting our shadows along the wall.
Smiling, I said, “Thank you for lunch and a movie, Cameron. I really enjoyed it.”
Cameron glanced back at his car for a moment, and then down to his feet. Finally he looked back up at me and said, “Sure. I enjoyed it too. I…um…I enjoyed being with you. Maybe we can do something again some time?”
Oh my God! Did he just say he’d like to go out with me again? There’s no way. Grinning, I said, “I’d love to, Cameron. I think that’d be great.” As if he’d actually call me again.
“Cool,” said Cameron. He paused a moment, and then he said, “Are you busy Friday?”
I had to keep my jaw from dropping. I know I couldn’t stop my ear-to-ear grin. I said, “I’d have to check my calendar to be sure, but I think I’m free on Friday.”
Flashing a smile, Cameron said, “Great. Would you like to see Fifty Pairs of Shoes?” Wow. He’s even willing to take me to a chick flick.
Nodding, I said with a smile, “I’d like that.”
Cameron said, “It’s a date then. Saturday though, we usually play Team Fortress.”
I grinned and said, “Just tell me what time I need to get on the server.”
Cameron suddenly bent down and kissed me softly on the lips. It could have lasted an hour and it still wouldn’t have been long enough. But it was just a few moments. I totally melted inside.
“You looked like you could use that,” grinned Cameron. Before I could say anything, he turned and walked briskly back to his car. I waved as he pulled away from the curb and drove down the street.
“Rob, are you wearing make-up?”
I nodded and said, “Mom, I think we need to talk. Can you call me Zoe?”
“You have a daughter, Mr. Miller,” said Dr. Crawley as she sat behind her desk, looking back and forth between me, Mom and Dad. “It’s very important that you accept Zoe for who she really is. I can appreciate how difficult it is for you to adjust to the idea that this child you have been raising as your son has rejected her assigned gender. Many families find this very difficult. But for her sake…”
“How can you just declare that my son is really a girl?” interrupted my dad. “Because he says so? My God, he’s a kid! He doesn’t know anything!”
Knitting her brow, Dr. Crawley said, “Please sit down, Mr. Miller and calm yourself. I’ve been a gender therapist for some time now. I can recognize the signs. I have interviewed and questioned Zoe a great deal these past weeks. This isn’t a recent development. She has felt this way at least since four or five years old.”
Blustering, Dad said, “Bullshit! He’s never mentioned this shit before. Yeah, I assumed he was a sissy, but wanting to be a girl since four? That’s just a bunch of crap. He wouldn’t even know there’s a difference between boys and girls.”
Looking worried, Dr. Crawley said, “Please sit down, Mr. Miller…”
With a worried voice, Mom said, “Honey…”
Dr. Crawley continued, “…Gender dysphoric children are deeply aware that something is wrong, even if they can’t articulate it. Things like not being able to wear certain clothing, or having certain toys denied to them. They quickly learn that asking for these things get them in trouble. Some insist on who they are while others, fearful of punishment, repress these feelings for many years.”
Mom said, “What are our options, Dr. Crawley? I want Rob to be happy, but I don’t want him being rejected as a freak or something.”
Dr. Crawley said, “Embrace your new daughter, Ms. Miller. Accept her. Let her explore who she is. Let her be Zoe. She can’t have any surgery until she’s eighteen, but I can give her a prescription that will stop any further development of secondary male characteristics. If she decides in a year that being a girl was a mistake, she can come off the hormone blockers and restart developing as a normal male.”
“Mom. Dad. Please. This is who I am,” I said seriously. “I know deep down that I’m not a boy. Please let me start living as a girl.”
Mom turned to Dad and said, “What do you think, honey? I mean, it’s been pretty obvious over the years that Rob never really fit in. I say we let Ro…um…Zoe try being a girl.”
Dad frowned at both of us and flashed a scowl at Dr. Crawley as he sat slumped in his seat, his head resting on his knuckles. He said, “Are you even listening to what you’re saying? Try being a girl? I’m against this. I really am. I think this whole swapping gender crap is just so much bullshit. Your DNA and…and…chromazoids or whatever don’t change no matter how many dresses you put on. Is it the dresses? Are these sissy clothes what is driving all this?”
I frowned back at Dad and said, “No, Dad. I like girls’ clothes, but I feel that I’m a girl no matter what I’m wearing.”
Dr. Crawley said, “And please, Mr. Miller. Please refrain from using such hateful terms as ‘sissy’. This exact response from you is what has made Zoe hesitate to come forward with this. I think…”
Dad held up his hand and interrupted, “Spare me another speech. Please let the record show that I’m opposed to this, but I know when I’m outnumbered. If Rob wants to ruin his life, who am I to stop him. I’m only his dad!”
Dr. Crawley smiled at me and said, “Well, Zoe. You’re on your way. We’ll get the paperwork going to get your records at school changed as well as your birth certificate, and so on. Congratulations, Zoe.”
“Oh my God! Are you serious?” asked an incredulous Toni over the phone. Toni’s been my best friend for like forever. I’ve shared my desire to be a girl with her for a long time. She’s even helped me with clothes and make-up and even secretly set me up for a date with a guy I’ve had a huge crush on.
“I’m very serious, Toni. Mom and Dad agreed and everything,” I said. “Well, Dad was very reluctant. To get the paperwork straight and to make sure I’m fully ready, I’ll be starting school about two weeks late. I didn’t want to start school as a boy and then just change over the weekend. I wanted to start school fresh as a new student.”
Sounding skeptical, Toni said, “You really think that’ll work? I think there will be some kids who point at you and say, ‘why is Rob wearing make-up?’”
“Maybe,” I said. “But I need to try. I don’t want to be a distraction and I don’t want to be attacked by bullies either. I just want to be that new girl, Zoe.”
“I hope you’re right,” Toni said. “I’ll pray for you, but I’m afraid the word will get out. Not by me though!”
I smiled into the phone and said, “Oh, I know I can trust you, Toni. I’m worried about someone else though.”
“Cameron?” ask Toni.
“Yeah. I hope he keeps ignoring me like he has the past month rather than make some fuss over me,” I said sadly.
Toni said in a quiet voice, “You never told me what happened between you two. I thought you were perfect for each other. From what you were telling me, you seemed to be getting along, VERY well.”
“Well, I was too ashamed to talk about it,” I said starting to tear up. “I was at Ace Hardware with my dad. I wandered off to look at something and ran into Cameron. Of course I wasn’t dressed as Zoe, but I forgot myself and tried kiss him when we greeted. He freaked and called me a fag and claimed I was trying to turn him gay. When I tried to explain that liking me doesn’t make him gay since he sees me as a girl, he said and I quote, ‘Shut the fuck up, you tranny twink boy. Never talk to me again!’ He then turned and angrily walked away. That was the last time I talked to him. He wouldn’t answer my calls.”
“I’m so sorry, Zoe!” exclaimed Toni. “I had no idea Cameron was such an ass. But I’m sure he just didn’t know how to react. I’m sure he was very embarrassed about being kissed in public by a boy.”
“No one saw us!” I said. “We were in the garden tool aisle. He didn’t have to be hateful to me. He could’ve just said ‘Not here!’. After a few dates, I really started to feel he was my boyfriend.”
Toni said, “He was probably falling for Zoe, but couldn’t handle it when you as Rob came on to him. If you want, I can try talking to him.”
I shook my head uselessly over the phone. I said, “Nah. I’m over him now. Acting that way after I’d given him my heart. No, there are other boys.”
“That may be true,” said Toni. “But, he’s the only boy who knows your secret and doesn’t...well at least didn’t care about it.”
“Boys aren’t everything,” I said sullenly.
Toni laughed and said, “Girl, just keep telling yourself that…”
“Zoe!” I was almost knocked from my feet as I was tackled-hugged by Toni. She was grinning from ear-to-ear. “I’m so happy to see you as Zoe, girl!” It was the first day for me to be back at school as well as my first time to attend as Zoe.
I laughed as I steadied myself. I said, “Thanks, Toni! Oh, me too. It’s a dream come true. I’m both excited and scared out of my mind.”
Toni looked me up and down and said, “Have they cut anything off yet?”
I rolled my eyes and said, “For the millionth time, I’m not old enough for surgery! And don’t ask that! Sheesh. Besides, we don’t have the money, anyway.”
Toni said, “Well, to me you’re a girl regardless. And don’t be scared. You’re a natural.” She took a step back and looked me up and down. “I approve. You have learned well, grasshopper. Did your mom do your make-up?”
Frowning, I said, “I did it myself. I have you to thank for knowing what to do, though.”
Walking with me towards the school, Toni said, “So, how’s your dad taking all this?”
“He hates it,” I said. “I think he hates me. I’m hoping he’ll come around, but right now I’m not holding my breath.”
Frowning, Toni said, “Well, he just needs to get over it. He has a beautiful daughter that he’s just ignoring!”
As we walked along, I caught the movement of somebody running up to us from the side. I turned and was surprised to see Jonah running up to us.
“Zoe!” shouted Jonah, one of Cameron’s friends I met over the summer. I had fancied Cameron as my boyfriend even though we only dated a few times during the summer.
When Jonah got closer, a little out of breath he said, “Hey, Zoe. You transferred over to our school! That’s so cool. Tell me you’re a cheerleader!”
“Hi, Jonah,” I said, a little annoyed he saw me. “Yes, I’m at this school and no, I’m not a cheerleader. I wasn’t here to try out last spring.” Cameron had told Jonah that I attended the school across town to explain why they had never seen me before. But of course they had all really had seen me…I had to be a boy of course last year.
Pointing at me and walking backwards, Jonah said, “Catch you later, Zoe. Good to see you again!” He then ran up the steps to the main entrance and disappeared inside the school.
Toni laughed as she looked over at me. She said, “Do you know him?”
I nodded and said, “Yeah. He’s one of Cameron’s friends. You’ve seen Jonah before.”
“That’s Jonah?” asked Toni looking confused. “Wow. I didn’t recognize him with his long hair and beard.”
In a loud whisper to my side, I heard, “Psst! Hey. What the hell are you doing?”
I looked to my left and there almost hiding behind a tree was Cameron! I knew I’d have to deal with him sooner or later. I guess it’s best to deal with him now.
“Hey, Cameron.” I said as I took a few steps towards him. “Haven’t seen you in a while.”
Toni walked up beside me and said, “Hi Cameron. What’s up?”
Scowling, Cameron hissed, “You know what’s up! Rob. What the fuck? What are you doing here dressed as a girl?”
I re-adjusted the notebook I was carrying to position it defensively in front of me. I said, “Rob doesn’t exist anymore, Cameron. I’m Zoe full time now. I’m even on hormones.”
“This is stupid Rob…um, Zoe…whatever. Just plain stupid. You don’t think anyone is going to notice?” Cameron spoke to me in a very angry tone.
“I hope no one notices,” I said. “I’m trying to be stealth. That’s why I’ve not been to school until today. I didn’t want to start school as a boy and then suddenly one day show up as a girl. Most people ignored me before, so I’m hoping nobody will miss Rob. I know I don’t. And if someone does recognize me and calls me on it, I’m prepared. I know what I will say. Principal Stonewall says he’ll stand behind me.”
Cameron stepped closer to me and said, “That’s all fine for you. But what about me? All my friends know I dated you. They’ve seen us kiss, for God’s sake! And if someone says ‘Oh look! It’s Rob in a dress!’ they’re going to know that I kissed a boy! They’ll think I’m gay or something!”
I tried not to shout as I jabbed my finger into Cameron’s chest, “You knew who I was when we went to that movie with your friends. You knew who I was went you asked me out not once, but three times! And you knew who I was when you kissed me! So don’t give me any of that shit. Just remember. Deep down, you knew you were kissing a boy!”
Sneering, Cameron said, “So, if you’re a boy, why the skirt? You know, I had you pegged for a twink from the start. I can’t believe I let you trick me into dating you!”
“Trick you!” I was so angry I actually slapped him. I didn’t think it was hard, but the palm of my hand stung. “How can you say that?”
“What do you think?” asked Cameron as he rubbed his face. “You all acting like a girl after Toni made you look like one. Look, I gotta go. Just stay away from me, okay?” Cameron spun on his heel and ran up into the school entrance.
Toni opened her purse and pulled out a tissue. She said, “Now don’t start crying. You’ll ruin your make-up and Cameron just isn’t worth it.”
“You’re right,” I said, sniffling.
“How was your first day at school as Zoe?” asked Mom as I wandered into the kitchen looking for a snack after coming home from school. School was about a fifteen minute walk from my house.
I shrugged as I removed a soda from the fridge. I said, “It was good, I guess. I was completely accepted as a girl. That’s good because that’s who I am. But in a way it’s bad because I don’t think anyone remembers Rob.” I sat down on one of the chairs at the kitchen table.
Sitting down next to me, Mom said, “Well, honey. That’s probably for the best. Yeah, that’s sad about Rob, but you don’t want him holding you back. You’re free now, Zoe. I’m happy to have a beautiful daughter.”
“Thanks Mom,” I said. “I wish I could hear Dad say that.”
Mom gave me a weak smile and said, “He’ll come around. I’m sure of it. Just give him time.” Mom took a deep breath and I guessed what she was going to say next. “Did you see Cameron?”
I closed my eyes tightly hoping to hold back any tears. I said, “Yes. He now hates me.”
Always the optimist, Mom said, “Oh, I doubt he hates you.”
I looked over at Mom and stared her in the eyes. I said, “He does, Mom. He does. He’s very afraid that I’ll be exposed and that his friends will all think he’s gay because he dated and kissed a boy.”
Mom said, “But you’re not a boy. Not inside.”
I shrugged and said, “You know that. And I know that. I mean, right now sure, yeah, I’m accepted as a girl. But if word got out, they’ll say, ‘oh, you’re a boy!’ They won’t believe me. All that matters is that I have a penis. Then everyone will hate me.”
Again trying to be positive, Mom said, “Or…they might not believe anyone that says you’re a boy because by then they’ve totally accepted you as Zoe. My God, I’m your mother and I have a hard time remembering that you weren’t born female. I mean, you’re almost a girlie-girl.”
“I just don’t want everyone to hate me. I want to fit in with the other girls. At lunch today, I sat with Toni and some of her friends. They all accept me,” I said suddenly smiling. “We talked about boys, music, movies, boys, books…they actually read books! It was great Mom. But…and this is a big but…what if I get invited to a sleep over or something. I know they won’t do a slumber party like they did when they were twelve or thirteen. But they still have sleep-overs.”
Mom laughed and said, “Now don’t start making up worries! If you get asked to one, go. Just be careful.”
“You’re right, Mom. No point in worrying about something that hasn’t happened yet.” I said.
Mom just sat at the kitchen table and stared at me for a few moments. I said, “Is everything okay, Mom?”
Mom smiled at me and said, “I’m just surprised to see the difference since it’s only been a few weeks and this being your real first day in public as Zoe.”
I looked at Mom with a puzzled expression. I said, “What are you talking about, Mom?”
“The way you just stand and the way you move that I can’t help but notice,” Mom said. “You’re happy, Zoe. You seem to be truly happy.”
“Hi. You must be new because I’ve never seen you before,” said a girl sitting down across from me and Toni at lunch. “I’m Nicole Wood. Your name is Zoe, right?” I remembered her from last year. She’s a cheerleader and one of the popular girls. A real bitch.
I finished swallowing the bite of salad I’d poked into my mouth and said, “Yeah. This is my second day. Nice to meet you, Nicole. This is Toni.”
Nicole smirked and said, “I know who she is. You do look kinda familiar though. Anyway, welcome to Hamilton Burger High. I just wanted to let you know you can always sit with us when you’re ready to move up to friends who can help you get what you want.” She grinned at Toni and walked away.
“It’s nice to know I have a backup plan,” I said, watching Nicole walk away. Toni punched me in the shoulder.
“I hate that bitch,” said Toni shaking her head.
“I don’t get why she invited me to her clique. She doesn’t know me,” I said before spearing another piece of salad.
“Because you’re new. And pretty. She wants to sink her claws into you and turn you into one of her worshiping little bitches,” said Toni with a scowl.
“I thought she’d never leave,” said a rather tall boy standing next to our table. “Mind if I join you?”
Toni looked up at him with a grin and said, “Sure!”
He extended his hand after setting his lunch tray down and said, “I’m Johnny Mantooth. I saw you sitting here yesterday with my old buddy Toni. I said to myself, I bet she’s new to this school. Toni suggested yesterday that I introduce myself to you.”
I forced a smile and shook the offered hand. “I’m Zoe Miller. Nice to meet you Johnny.” I shot Toni a dirty look and she just grinned.
“I’m on the basketball team. I hope to see you rooting for us when our season starts in November.” He studied me for a moment, even raising his hands to form a box with his fingers like you see parodies of movie directors do and squinting at me. “You know, I think you’d make a great cheerleader. I think you can still tryout.”
My face flushed and I said, “Thanks. But I’m just not that outgoing.”
Johnny grinned as he took a bite of his burger and with his mouth full said, “Aww. I bet you are. I think you’d be good.”
Grinning at me, Toni said, “I keep telling her it’s a great way to meet guys.”
Swallowing the wad of food in his mouth along with a gulp of soda, Johnny said, “That’s probably true. Seems like those cheerleaders always have a boyfriend to hang on to.”
I smiled and said, “Well, I’m just trying to get through school.”
Johnny laughed and said, “I’ve heard that before! Hey, I gotta run. Nice to meet you Zoe. I’ll see you around.” Johnny got up quickly walked briskly out of the lunch room.
“I’m going to kill you!” I said to Toni. She just laughed. “Who’s next on the list to greet me? Captain of the football team?”
Toni shook her head and said, “Nah. He’s dating your new buddy Nicole.”
“Stop trying to fix me up with boys, okay?” I pleaded. “I can’t really date anyone and you know it.”
“I know. But boys are still fun to talk to and flirt with. Flirting seems to be all I get to do anyway,” said Toni.
“You can have Johnny. He’s already a bud of yours!” I said grinning.
“He’s kinda…um…intense. But you have to admit, he is cute,” said Toni.
“Just hold it right there, bitch! Where do you think you’re going?” called a female voice from behind me as I was going out the school’s front door. I turned around and saw that it was Nicole.
“I was just going home. I…” I started to say, confused by Nicole’s obvious anger.
Nicole walked up quickly to me and shoved me out the door. I almost lost my footing as I stumbled backwards down a few steps. Pointing at me while yelling, Nicole said, “You skanky cunt! What do you mean stealing my Zane?” About five of Nicole’s closest friends gathered around her.
“Zane? Who? You mean Zane Carlson?”, I said totally confused. Zane Carlson was the captain of the football team that Toni had told me was dating Nicole. “I haven’t stolen anybody. I haven’t even talked to him.”
Wagging a finger at me, Nicole said, “Yeah, right bitch! You’ve only been here two days and you’ve taken my boyfriend! You’re gonna pay!”
“Yeah bitch! You’re gonna pay!” said one of Nicole’s toadies.
“Are you mental?” I shouted. Nicole’s toadies all gasped in unison. “I haven’t even seen this Zane.”
Nicole stepped down a few steps to stand in front of me. She sneered, “Oh yeah? Liar! How did you know his last name? You’ve only been here two days!”
I took a step back and said, “Um, Toni pointed him out to me.” It was a lie, but plausible.
Scowling something awful, Nicole said, “She’s next on my list. Zane sent me a text saying he’s breaking up with me. He’s found someone new.”
“How do you figure that’s me?” I said fearfully.
“Because it is,” said a voice from behind Nicole. We all turned to see a grinning Zane Carlson bounding down the steps towards me. “We have a date Friday night.” He slid his arm around my waist. I stepped away from him.
“No we don’t!” I protested. “You never asked me for a date!”
Zane laughed and said, “Well, not yet. When you know what the answer is, why bother with the question?”
Nicole shouted, “Your ass is grass, bitch! I knew you were lying!”
I took another step back and said, “I never said I’d go on a date with you!”
Grinning, Zane said, “You don’t have to. I’ve never been turned down yet. It’s a given.”
Nicole started crying. “You bitch! How could you do this to me? Especially after I offered to let you sit with us at lunch!”
“For the billionth time, I didn’t steal your boyfriend!” I shouted. “This is the first time I’ve talked to him in my life! I don’t want to date your boyfriend!”
Zane leaned in toward me and said, “You’re not going to humiliate me in front of everyone by turning me down. We have a date for Friday! Come get in my car, I’ll take you home.” He touched my arm.
“This is just plain crazy! I’m not getting in a car with you! And we’re not going out!” I shouted.
Zane leaned in again and whispered, “You really want to walk home with that angry mob behind you?”
I looked over at Nicole and her friends. One of the girls flipped me off and shouted, “Bitch!”
“You might be right,” I said nervously glancing back towards Nicole.
Zane extended his hand so he could lead me to his car.
“What the crap is this about?” I shouted at Zane after closing the passenger door to his car. “I’m not dating you! I mean, like how dare you?”
Zane started the car’s engine. He glanced back at Nicole still standing angrily in front of the school with her fan-girls. He glanced over at me and said, “You are Zoe, right? I think you’re the only Zoe in school, so I’m pretty sure I got the right one.”
“You didn’t answer me!” I shouted. “My second day at school and I already have an enemy that hates me and I didn’t do anything! Why did you do that?”
Zane laughed and said, “I wanted to make Nikki jealous. And I’m doing you a favor.”
I folded my arms as Zane drove his car out of the school parking lot. Scowling, I said, “I think you succeeded in making her jealous. But it escapes me how having her want to kill me is in my favor?”
Zane grinned and said, “Well, for one thing, she won’t keep trying to get you to join her little bitch coven. And by dating me, you’ll increase your cred with the other girls.”
Frowning, I said, “I don’t care about any of that stuff. I just don’t want to get beat up.”
Dismissing my comment with a wave of his hand, Zane said, “She’s not beating anybody up. Look, Nikki’s been taking me for granted. She needs to learn that if she wants me, she needs to work for it.”
I just stared at this boy for a few moments. I said, “That’s insane! Getting her to hate me isn’t going to help you. And I don’t care if she dates you or not!”
Zane shrugged and said, “She’s not going to date me. You are.”
I folded my arms tighter against my breast and said defiantly, “No I’m not. You just can’t demand someone date you. I mean, you’re just an asshole.”
A shocked expression crossed Zane’s face. He said, “An asshole? I’m giving you a ride home. Would an asshole do that? I’m taking you out for dinner and a movie Friday. Would an asshole do that?”
Zane parked his car along the curb outside my house. I got out and as I slammed his car door, I shouted, “I’m not going out with you!”
“You’re going on a date with Zane Carlson?” asked an incredulous Toni over the phone.
“I didn’t mean to get a date with Zane,” I said to Toni over the phone.
Sounding incredulous, Toni said, “How can you not mean to get a date?”
“I told him no!” I protested. “About ten times at least!”
“But you have a date?” said Toni with a sigh.
“He was very persistent,” I said.
“Zoe!” Toni shouted. “You have to mean it or boys will walk all over you!”
“I know,” I said. “But he made it seem like I was already committed to going out with him.”
“How could he do that?” said Toni.
“Well, he didn’t exactly ask,” I said in a quiet voice. “He told me we were going out in front of his girlfriend.”
“Ugh! So now you have an enemy and a date with an asshole. Zoe, Zoe, Zoe. What are we going to do with you?” said Toni with disgust in her voice. “Having been a boy, I would have thought you’d known about them more.”
Frowning at the phone, I said, “Now that’s a low blow. Have I ever seemed like a boy to you?”
“Well, that’s true,” said Toni. “But still, girl! You need to learn to assert yourself!”
“I know,” I said quietly.
“So, what are you going to do about Zane?” demanded Toni.
“Go on the date?” I said.
“No! You tell him the date is off!” shouted Toni.
“You don’t think he’s cute?” I said.
“That doesn’t enter into it!” exclaimed Toni. “Don’t let him railroad you! Sorry… I need to run. We’ll talk about this more tomorrow at school.” And she disconnected.
From down the hall, I heard my mom shout, “Zoe! Can you come here? I need some help in the kitchen!”
I frowned and then thought I should be happy that Mom now wants to include me in more of her activities. Since officially becoming Zoe, Mom has been asking me to go with her to the grocery store more and help plan meals. Not to mention helping make dinner and stuff. It bugged me a bit when she said I needed to learn to cook for my future husband.
As I entered the kitchen after passing Dad sitting in his easy chair watching the news on TV, Mom said, “Can you make the salad for me? Thanks. Making dinner has gotten a lot easier with two more hands.”
“Dad’s not doing anything,” I said.
Ignoring me, Mom said, “So. Anything exciting happen at school today?”
“I’m going on a date Friday,” I said as I set out the salad bowls.
“You and Cameron make up?” asked Mom as she slid something into the oven.
I said, “No. This is a different boy. Zane Carlson.”
Looking at me curiously, Mom said, “I know his mother. I thought he was dating that cheerleader?”
“He doesn’t like her,” I commented. “In fact, he told me we had a date right in front of her.”
Mom frowned. “Well, that put you on the spot. He shouldn’t do that. Did his girlfriend say anything?”
“Yeah. She hates me now. Earlier in the day, she wanted to be friends with me,” I said with a sigh.
Mom shook her head. “You should be making friends, not enemies!”
I shrugged. “This girl is a snob anyway. So it’s no great loss.”
Mom said, “So this Zane is okay with you having been Rob?”
I looked to the kitchen floor and said, “No. He doesn’t know. He doesn’t even really know me. The date is no big deal, Mom. It’s just a date. Nothing wrong with dating is there?”
Mom stopped what she was doing and looked at me sternly. She said, “Zoe. We talked about this before. It’s not right for you to fool others. I’d be willing to bet Zane would feel like you fooled him and would be very upset.”
I frowned and said, “He’s not going to find out. I know Toni won’t say anything and I doubt Cameron would either.”
“Just be careful, honey,” said Mom. “There’s more than one way for someone to find out about you. I’m surprised he asked since as you said he doesn’t really know you.”
I frowned. “That’s one problem. He didn’t really ask me out. He told me we had a date. He wants to make his girlfriend jealous.”
Brushing some lose strands of hair from her eyes, Mom looked at me curiously. “Um, what? Time out, Zoe. He just told you to go out on a date with him? He didn’t ask? He said it was to make his girlfriend jealous. Am I understanding this correctly?”
I finished preparing the salad bowls. “That’s about the size of it.”
Mom stared at me. “Honey, that’s wrong. No boy can just order you to date him!”
Upset, I asked, “What am I supposed to do? I said I’d go!”
Mom waved her arms. “You just have to tell him no!”
Dad walked into the kitchen. “You guys are making it hard to hear the TV. What are you yelling about?”
Resting her hands on her hips, Mom said, “Some boy, who Zoe doesn’t even know just walked up to her and told her she had a date with him. Have you heard of such a thing? He didn’t ask. He told her!”
Dad folded his arms and looked over at me. “And what did you say?”
I exclaimed, “I said no!”
Dad shrugged. “Okay. Case closed. What’s for dinner?”
“But that didn’t end it, Dad,” I said getting upset again. “He said I was still going out with him.”
Arms still folded, Dad asked, “And how did you respond?”
Again I exclaimed, “I said no!”
Dad shook his head. “I’m not seeing a problem here. Dinner smells pretty good. What is it?”
Frustrated with Dad, I said, “That didn’t end it! He said in no uncertain terms, I was going out to dinner and a movie with him on Friday!”
Looking bored, Dad asked, “And your reply?”
I hesitated a moment and looked down at my feet. “I said, ‘okay.’”
His arms still folded, Dad straightened himself. “So you agreed to his terms?”
Mom said, “Honey, she didn’t agree. He forced her to agree.”
Dad pointed at me. “Did this boy twist your arm? Did he point a gun at your head? Did he make any threats?”
I folded my arms and glared at Dad. “No.”
Dad shrugged. “Okay. Case closed. You made a commitment. Honor it.”
Mom scowled at Dad. “No! She does not have to go!”
Dad leaned against the kitchen counter. “You know. For me, it’s always been that for a man, his word is his bond. Oh, but wait. You’re not a man anymore. I guess as a woman, you can just say whatever and just do whatever to get your way.”
Mom looked at me earnestly. “Honey, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.”
Dad grinned at me. “That’s right honey. You don’t want to do your homework or clean your room or help with dinner. Just don’t. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. Your word means nothing.”
“That’s not what I meant!” scolded Mom. “And you darn well know it!”
Dad looked puzzled. “I do?”
At the top of my lungs, I screamed, “Stop!” I looked from Mom to Dad. I took a deep breath and said, “You both are driving me crazy! So just stop. I’d rather go on a date with Frankenstein than listen to another second of this!”
Dad said, “You mean Frankenstein’s monster. Frankenstein’s the doctor.”
Scowling, I growled, “I’ll take either one… or both… at this point!”
Dinner was rather chilly that evening and Dad slept on the couch.
“Are you serious?” asked Toni incredulously as we talked just outside the school’s entrance. “Your date started a fight between your parents? That’s crazy!”
I nodded. “That and my dad saying Mom burned dinner.”
Toni started to walk towards the school. “So. What are you going to do?”
I shrugged. “The more I thought about it, the more I thought who cares really if I go out with Zane? Yeah, he’s an asshole, but I’m not marrying him and I get a free dinner and movie.”
Toni frowned. “I don’t think you should encourage him. He might just… oh… speak of the devil.”
Just before we reached the entrance to the school, Zane came running up to me with some goofy expression.
He touched my arm and said, “Oh, I’m really sorry Zoe about our date this Friday. I need to cancel. I know you’re really disappointed and all. But I got back with Nikki so I don’t need to make her jealous anymore. Try not to cry, but I’ll see you later.” He then turned and ran into the school.
I just stood there, stunned. I turned to Toni. “What the crud just happened? My parents almost got divorced over this stupid date and he just cancels?”
Nikki came running past us before Toni could say anything. “You stay away from my boyfriend, you bitch!” She then disappeared through the school entrance.
Toni laughed. “I don’t think that’ll be a problem. And you’re off the hook!”
Scowling as I re-adjusted my book bag on my shoulder, I snarled, “Well now I want to go out with Zane. Just on general principals.”
Toni shook her head at me. “I think it’s best to just leave sleeping bitches lie.”
I took a deep breath. “I haven’t even made it inside the school yet and I’m already exhausted.
“Hey girls!” shouted Johnny Mantooth as he ran past us with a wave.
Toni grinned. “I can try to set you up with him. He’s cute and funny.”
Frowning and laughing at the same time, I exclaimed, “Stop trying to fix me up with boys! Just let me get used to going to school as a girl first, okay?”
Toni shook her head. “Still carrying a torch for Cameron? Face it girl, I don’t think he’s coming back. What about Jonah? He likes you.”
I growled at Toni. “Don’t make me kill you, girl!” We both laughed.
Toni frowned. “Hey, if you don’t want my help, just say so.”
I sighed. “Yes. Please stop.”
As we walked through the school entrance, Toni said, “Not another word.” She pointed at a flyer taped to the wall. “Oh look. The last cheerleader try-outs are this Saturday. Remember? Jonah likes cheerleaders.”
I rolled my eyes at Toni.
Swallowing her bite of salad, Toni said, “You know, Zoe. You really should try out for cheerleader next Saturday. It’ll break you out of your shell and it’s a great way to meet guys.”
Patti, who’s a friend of Toni who never knew me as Rob and had joined us at the lunch table said, “Yeah, Zoe. Since you’re new to the school and all, it’d be a great way to make friends. I’m going to try out.”
“I hope you get a spot on the squad, Patti,” I said sincerely. “So I don’t want to risk taking your spot from you by trying out.”
Patti just looked at me. “They have three positions they’re trying to fill.”
Chuckling, I said, “Well, I really don’t think I’d do well as a cheerleader. They have to like, cheer and stuff.”
“Sorry to interrupt,” said a male voice from behind me. “But I couldn’t help but overhear your conversation.”
I saw Patti’s eyes go wide and Toni swallowed hard. I turned to look at who was speaking and my jaw must have fallen to the floor. How did I not know this guy. Even as Rob I’m sure I would have noticed the most gorgeous boy I’ve ever seen on planet earth.
He smiled. Was that a sparkle on his teeth? He continued, “Hi. I understand that you’re new to the school and I agree with your friends. You really should try out for cheerleader. If you’re shy, it helps you get past that and you make a lot of new friends.”
I just stared, transfixed by this gorgeous face before me. I mumbled, “Uh huh.”
He laughed. I never heard a more delightful laugh. “Oh, sorry. I know your name, but you probably don’t know me. My name’s Ethan. I’m on the basketball team with Johnny.” He held out his hand for a shake.
Mesmerized, I gave him a somewhat limp, girly handshake. “It’s very nice to meet you, Ethan.” I was smiling very wide and not taking my eyes from him.
“I’m Patti.”
“I’m Toni.”
Ethan grinned at us and said, “Nice to meet all of you. I gotta run. Hope you try out for cheerleader, Zoe.” He turned and left the cafeteria. I watched him leave.
Giggling, Toni snapped her fingers in front of my face. “Earth to Zoe! Come back down.”
Looking at Toni, I gasped. “Did you see him?”
Toni giggled. “I think we found Zoe’s boyfriend. I got my work cut out for me to convince Ethan.”
To be continued…