I’ve always been TG but never had a chance to express or explore that part of me. Back in the 60s it just wasn’t done much less tolerated. Born physically male I had mixed signals my first 3 years, I was the third child, a 6 year older brother and what would have been a 4 year older sister if she’d lived. My mom used me to fill her loss... until my sister was born when I was 3. Suddenly I had to become all boy.
My dad was a mechanic who opened a service station next to our home when I was 9 so I was put to work pumping gas and whatever. I was never allowed to deviate from masculinity. I had my first date when I was a senior, she was a junior. I never dated anyone else. We went through college together, married the weekend after she graduated. We had a decent devoted marriage for 36 years. The last 9 of those years I worked full time, was an officer in our church, and her full time caregiver. She had MS, slipped on the ice and broke her back, and wound up bedridden for those last years. This will be the 9th Christmas without her. During my life I have endured 13 major surgeries, both knees replaced, back surgery, and a sextuple bypass. Most TG people would be bitter, but I can smile.
I never had a chance to explore my TG side. If I tried it now I’d be too ugly to accept myself, so I live my TG life via writing TG fiction as well as reading BCTS. To me, BCTS is what makes my frustrated TG status bearable. I do all I can to support BCTS.
I retired three years ago and wasn’t able to support BCTS as I wanted. In January I took a PT job driving school bus, so far I’ve donated better than 50% of my earnings to support BC. I’m still active at church, President of the Church Board and other positions. My TG life is limited to and hidden on BCTS. I accept this as my only option to be TG and refuse to waste time, energy, or emotion on the “What ifs?” I made my decisions, and I will not second guess them. At the time they were the best option. The secret to a good life is realizing the past is the past and unchangeable. I’ve trained myself to make the most of the positives, and every event has positives. You just have to train yourself to look for the positives first, then deal with the rest keeping the positives near your heart. That is how I have survived 68 years with few regrets and much satisfaction.
The way you look at life is what makes the seasons bearable.
Merry Christmas to all!