Synopsis:

Another BigCloset TopShelf story. Dana Becomes A daughter for his Mother

Story:

I Remember When

By Laurie AnnB

Yes, I remember when. I remember when I was a little boy. And I remember my first Christmas after my Father wasn’t with us anymore. I was just turning six, four days after Christmas on the 29th of December. This would be our first Christmas and my first birthday after the death of my Father back in August. I couldn’t fully comprehend his death and the aftermath. I remember the police coming to our door late one night and waking us and my Mom crying a lot and my Aunt Carol taking me to her house. I remember seeing Daddy for the last time in the casket looking like he was just sleeping and would wake at any moment. Daddy had been killed in a car accident on his way back home from work.

Mommy cried for a long time after that and it was just the two of us now. I tried to be quiet and not upset her, which meant staying away from her as much as a six year old could. Avoiding her along with avoiding asking her any questions, which always seemed to result in her crying more. That was the order of the days to follow. I spent a lot of time at my Aunt Carol’s house, which was all right by me. My cousin Linda, who was eight at the time, seemed to like having a playmate around and would always include me in her games and playtime. She would sometimes tease me about being her secret sister as we always seemed to be playing girly games. I didn’t mind I was just glad to have someone to play with at the time.

At almost six years of age and not been exposed to peers in a group setting such as formal schooling I didn’t have much sense of differences in the sexes. I remember my Daddy being upset when my Mommy gave me a doll for Christmas one year. I liked the doll a lot but Daddy said that boys don’t play with dolls. It confused me a little cause he never said boys didn’t play with stuffed animals and I had lots of those and to me they were no different than dolls. Then Daddy would sometimes tease me about how long my hair was and say only girls and hippies wore their hair that long. He would always be telling my Mommy to get it cut short like a boys hair should be but Mommy never did get it cut. She just told Daddy that it would be cut short when I started school.

My hair was long. It was as long as Linda’s hair or maybe longer if it was straightened out. My hair was always naturally curly and regardless of how it was washed or brushed it always ended up in a mass of ringlet curls. I don’t think Daddy like it and that’s why sometimes he’d say I looked like a girl. Big blue eyes under the golden blond ringlets and the upturned button nose didn’t help any in making me look like a boy. As I look back now at pictures from then I would have to admit that I looked a lot more like a girl than a boy. I remember when Mommy and I went to the store or out somewhere most of the people who didn’t know us always told Mommy what a cute little girl she had. That neither embarrassed me nor made me upset. It just didn’t make any difference to me. Once when I ask Mommy why she didn’t tell them I was a boy, she just said, “Oh Dana, what difference does it make? They all just see a beautiful child, boy or girl.”

I never said anymore not even when some lady questioned Mommy why she dressed me so boyish looking. That lady even said how if she had a girl so pretty she’d always be in pretty dresses. I didn’t respond to her either. I think as I look back that my Mommy secretly wished I had been a girl.

It was Thanksgiving and Mommy and I were at Aunt Carol’s for dinner. My Uncle Bob was there but he never had much to say to us kids. This day he was planted in his favorite chair watching football and drinking beer. Mommy and Aunt Carol were busy in the kitchen and chased Linda and I out of their way telling us to go play till dinner was ready. And so we ended up in Linda’s room talking and listening to Christmas carols on her radio. She was playing with one of her dolls and asks if I wanted to play dolls with her. I said sure and so she handed me a Betsy Wetsy doll. This was one of the infant dolls that would wet a diaper when you fed it water from the doll baby bottle. The Doll was already dressed in a short dress and diaper and she told me I should rock it to sleep, as she was her doll so we could put our babies to bed. So we rocked our babies and when she felt the time appropriate she had us lay them both in the doll crib for their nap.

Carol was dressed in a pretty little dress of white and blue with a full skirt. She wore white knee socks and black t-bar shoes. Her light brown hair was done up in ponytails and tied with blue ribbons to match her dress. As our dolls napped she examined me closely and said, “Dana, you don’t really look like a Mother the way your dressed.”

I just shrugged my shoulders and said, “I guess I’ll just have to be the Daddy then.” I was wearing a nice pair of kaki pants and a pull over sweater.

Linda responded, “Daddy’s don’t rock babies and change their diapers and feed them. Only Mother does that. Do you want to be a Mommy to your dolly too?”

I hesitantly responded, “I.. I guess so.”

“Well then your going to have to look likes a Mommy too. I’ll bet I have lots of clothes that will fit you that I’ve out grown.”

“I don’t know Linda. You mean wear a dress?”

“Of course I do. Mommies wear dresses. So if you want to pretend to be a Mommy then you must wear a dress and look like a Mommy.”

“Well I guess so. But my Mommy and your Mommy might get mad if they see me wearing your dress.”

“No they won’t get mad. Anyway were only playing in my room and they will be in the kitchen for a long time. Want to try it?”, She said with great enthusiasm.
I uttered those fateful words, “I guess so.”

“Good get undressed while I find you some proper clothes”, She exclaimed. She set about rummaging through her closet and dresser drawers throwing things all over her bed. I slowly pulled my sweater off, kicked my shoes off and dropped my pants. I was standing in just my undershirt and white cotton briefs watching her in utter amazement.

Soon she turned to me and inspected me reaching out to hand me a pair of pink cotton panties with flowers printed on them. “Here,” she said, “I’ll turn my back while you change your panties. Mothers don’t wear boys underwear.”

She did turn her back to me and I slipped my underwear off and slipped the pretty little pink panties up my legs and over my bum. They actually felt nice. They were soft and kind of held me all over. Next she had me remove my undershirt to be replaced by a pink undershirt that had real little straps. It had the neckline done in little white lace. I had to admit to myself that it was pretty and felt as nice on as did the panties.

Next she instructed me to sit down on her bed while she rolled white socks over my feet and up my legs that ended just below my kneecaps. I wiggled my toes and admired the look of my legs in the knee socks. As I sat there she produced a pair of shiny white shoes with a pink bow on the toes and buckle strap that secured them on my stocking feet.

“Now stand up Mother Dana and hold your hands up over your head,” She instructed. I did so and as she stood behind me she draped a very frilly slip down over my head. The straps that settled on my shoulders were all lace that matched the lace front that incased my chest. As she dropped the slip down over me it flared out in a cloud of white lace and ruffles. I could no longer see my feet and it was as if I were standing in a white fog swirling up about me. “This slip was bought special to go with the dress I found for you. It’s too small for me now but since the slip fits you so good the dress will too.”

The bottom of the slip only came down to the middle of my thigh between my privates and my knees. It tickled my legs when I moved and I liked the tickle and twisted back and forth to make it tickle my legs. I smiled at the feeling it gave me.

Linda spoke, “Hey that really looks good on you. And you must like it too the way your smiling.”

“Yeah, well I never wore a slip or girls things before. It does feel kind of nice and the slip tickles my legs.”

“Well just you wait Mommy Dana till you have your dress on too. Now up with your arms again.”

I raised them as Linda slid the confection of pink satin and white chiffon over my head feeding my arms through the sleeves of the dress. She pulled it down over the slip and messed with the skirt to get it laying just right over the slip holding it out from my body. I stood there holding my arms out to each side inspecting the dress wrapping me in it glorious confines. The sleeves were short and puffed up and white lace adorned the bottom of the sleeves. A white lace collar adorned the round neckline as the smooth pink satin encased my chest. White chiffon overlay seemed to be held in place by the belted waistline of the dress as it floated down over the full skirt. Linda was still in back of me as she pulled the dress closed in back and buttoned it up. As she buttoned it, it wrapped around me like a well-fit glove. Then she took the wide pink sash and tied it behind me. I stretched to look over my shoulder to see the big pink bow she had tied with the tendrils falling down to the hemline of the dress. I started to walk towards the mirrored dresser to see my reflection but was halted with a tug on my back bow.

“Hold on there. No peeking yet. I have to finish you first. Sit down on that chair and let me fix your hair.”

I remained silent and sat. Linda took a brush and started brushing my curls this way and that. “You’re so lucky to have curly hair like you do. Mine is so straight I’m always being put in curlers and curling irons and it never stays or looks as nice as yours does. I hope you never get it cut it’s so beautiful.”

“Mom says I’ll get it cut when I start school next year. Dad always wanted me to get it cut short but I guess that doesn’t matter anymore.”

Linda paused in her ministrations and thinking she may have said something out of place said, “I’ll bet you miss your Dad. I can’t imagine what I’d do if something happened to my Daddy.”

I just mumbled a weak, “Yeah”. I was thinking I really missed him today on this holiday.

Linda had pulled the front of my hair into curly bangs and pulled the two sides back into ponytails set high up on the sides of my head. These she had fastened with gum bands and then tied with long pink satin ribbons to match the dress. She then announced, “OK Mommy Dana it’s time to see yourself.” With that she pulled me to my feet and marched me in front of her mirror.

The image before me shocked me into silence. I looked beautiful as a girl. Maybe I really was a girl like Linda I thought. I turned from side to side admiring the pretty girl in the beautiful pink satin party frock. The girl’s golden hair was mass of curls on either side of her head framing a pixie like face with long eyelashes and wide blue eyes. I felt tears welling in my eyes for which I had no explanation.

Linda broke my reverie, “Well Mommy Dana, what do you think?”

I stammered, “I.. I.. I look just like a girl, Don’t I.?”

“You sure do. I always knew you were too pretty to be a boy and in a dress and that beautiful hair you really are a girl. Come on now Mommy Dana and let’s get our babies up and feed them.”

And so we did. I actually felt like I think any little girl would feel playing with her doll and feeling like a real Mommy. I was in bliss. Linda and I played like two best friends. We fed our babies, changed their diapers and dressed and redressed them many times. Neither of us had any recollection of time. It hadn’t seemed long to us at all but a few hours later the door to her bedroom opened and Aunt Carol appeared in the doorway. If the scene that greeted her shocked her at all she did a masterful job of hiding it from us. There before her were not a boy and a girl, but two lovely little girls playing with their dolls.

It took me some time to remember that I was standing there with a baby dolls nestled in the crook of my arm feeding it a bottle dressed in the pink party dress. “Aunt Linda”, was all I could get out. My mind began to race, was she going to mad, was she going to tell my Mommy on me?

Then she spoke, “Well don’t you girls look nice. Hope you have your dollies all ready for bed, as your dinner is ready too. My Linda’s old dress really fits you well. You look very pretty in it too.”

“Isn’t he pretty Mommy,” Linda said to her Mother.

“Yes, she I mean he certainly is but put your dolls down and come on dinner is waiting.”

“I’ll put my clothes on and be right down Aunt Carol,” I responded happy that she didn’t seem upset at all to find me wearing her daughter’s dress.

“Oh no Missy. There’s no time to change now. You can change after dinner if you like but you can wear your pretty dress for dinner. I’m sure your Mother wants to see her new daughter,” Aunt Carol ordered.

I had to wonder what my Mother was going to do when she saw me dressed like a girl. Uncle Bob was sure to tease me. Mommy might be real mad too. Well Aunt Carol was not going to let me off the hook and ended the discussion by taking me by the wrist and pulling me along behind her as Linda brought up the rear. I was pulled straight into the dinning room where the table set fully prepared. Uncle Bob sat at the head of the table. My mother was not to be seen. She was in the kitchen getting additional dishes for the dinner.

Uncle Bob looked up and his mouth dropped open as he saw Linda and I ushered towards the table. A smile broke across his face and he exclaimed, “Holy shit! Where did you find these two beauties?”

Aunt Carol admonished him, “Bob now that’s enough. The kids were playing house and Dana just wanted to be a Mother to his doll like Linda. He does look nice, doesn’t he?”

Uncle Bob responded as I hung my head being somewhat embarrassed although I didn’t know exactly why, “He sure doesn’t look like a he. Prettiest girl here present company excluded”, he quickly added. “Such a bevy of beauties to surround me. I guess I’ll have a lot to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.”

It was then that Mommy walked in from the kitchen carrying the last of the condiments. Linda and I were standing side by side as she held my hand in support. Mommy was silent as she stared at me while she blindly sat down the condiments on the edge of the table. All at once she dropped to her knees in front of me bursting into tears. She wrapped her arms around me and I thought she was going to squeeze the life out of me.

Through her tears she mumbled in my ear, “Oh my God, you are beautiful. My beautiful child, did you do this just for me?”

I stood in shock at her reaction to seeing me in the dress. I almost cried myself. I thought I had done it again making my Mommy sad and cry again. I muttered, “I’m sorry Mommy, I didn’t mean to make you sad and cry. I go change. Linda and I were just playing pretend. Aunt Carol said I should wear the dress to eat dinner.”

As Mommy’s tears subsided she held me back at arms length inspecting me from head to toe. She responded, “Oh my darling those are happy tears. You just look so beautiful dressed up like that you made Mommy happy. Now let’s all have our dinner and be Thankful for these lovely children.”

As Linda and her Mom sat down my Mommy picked me up hugging me once again and setting me in a chair at the table next to her. I didn’t understand at the time why me wearing a dress made Mommy so happy but it had been sometime since I saw her smile and seem really happy.

Uncle Bob said grace and we all began our dinner. Mommy couldn’t seem to keep her hands off me as she played with my ponytails and rubbed my back over the smoothness of the dress. It was comforting. The table discussions seemed to center on Linda and my playtime and how I came to be wearing Linda’s dress. Uncle Bob seemed to be the most curious. He ask, “Dana, did Linda have to hog tie you to get you into her dress?”

Linda replied for me, “Daddy, we were just playing and I told Dana that he’d be a better Mommy to his doll if he dressed like a mommy. So I found him this old dress to put on and then fixed his hair.”

Bob continued, “Well I don’t know about being a mommy but he makes one good looking little girl in that outfit. Did you outfit him from the skin out?”

Aunt Carol spoke up, “Bob, I think that’s enough. Girl’s intimate wear is of their concern and certainly not yours.” This cause giggles and laughter at the table.

As I sat eating my diner with my legs dangling over the edge of the chair and swinging my legs I was enjoying the feel of the confection piled up under me. I wondered if all girls had these feelings while sitting in a dress and petticoats. I like the way they felt.

As dinner was finished Mommy once again wrapped her arm around me giving me a hug and planting a kiss on my forehead. I guess my worry about her being mad were all for naught. Aunt Carol told Linda and I to go play while she and Mommy cleaned up the dishes. Uncle Bob headed back for his football games on TV. Linda pulled out a puzzle and dumped it on the floor in the TV room as we sprawled on the floor in front of Uncle Bob to put it together. We were both giggling and squirming as we tried to fit pieces together and teasing one another about our errors in picking the right pieces. As I squirmed on my tummy my dress and slip rode up my legs unbeknown to me.

Uncle Bob let out a laugh as he said, “Dana, if you’re going to wear dresses you better learn how to control them. You answered my question about under things. Those are very pretty pink panties.”

I sat up as my cheeks grew red pulling the dress down over my knees. I sat speechless not really understanding why I should be embarrassed about a man seeing a boy’s underwear. Of course it wasn’t boy’s underwear and I was aware of that.

Linda spoke, “Daddy, your not supposed to be looking up girl’s dresses. What would Mommy say about you doing that and then teasing them about it?”

Uncle Bob apologized rather sheepishly, “Sorry girls but Dana exposed her bottom to me. I wasn’t looking up her dress.”

It was soon time for Mommy and I to leave and go home. She and Aunt Carol had finished the dishes and cleaning up. Linda and I had finished our puzzle with me being much more attentive to my dress. Mommy announced, “Come Dana and get your coat it’s time we headed home.”

As I stood up I remembered the outfit I was wearing. I may have had mixed emotions of taking it off but I knew somewhere inside me I shouldn’t be wearing girls clothes and certainly not outside where people could see me. I addressed Mommy, “OK Mommy but I think some one will have to help me get out of this dress to change.”

Mommy gave me the news, “Oh Darling, your Aunt Carol told me you could keep the dress and clothes because they are to small for Linda. You can wear them home and then change at bedtime.”

I was somewhat panicked by this as my mind raced. What if some one sees me? What if old Mrs. Wilson see me? What if Charlie saw me wearing a dress? Charlie was one of the few playmates my age in the neighborhood. “Mommy I can’t wear a dress home. What if someone sees me?”

“Oh honey no one is going to see you and even if they did all they would see is a pretty little girl.”

“But Mommy what if Mrs. Wilson or Charlie sees me. They know I’m a boy and who I am. And Charlie will make fun of me like when he saw my doll and said I must be a girl cause only girls played with dolls.”

“Dana, I’m sure Charlie is home in bed by now at this hour and Mrs. Wilson has probably turned in too. So put your coat on and let’s get going.”

Aunt Carol interrupted handing Mom a long pink coat with white fur trim, “Oh here Helen, let him wear this coat. Linda’s outgrown it and he won’t look like a girl wearing a boys coat.”

“Oh it’s beautiful, Carol,” Mommy said as she held it out and slipped it over my arms. “Thank your Aunt and Linda for the pretty coat Dana.”

As I slipped my arms into the warmth of the coat Mommy buttoned it up and adjusted the furry collar around my neck. It did feel cozy and warm and it was very pretty for a girl. I uttered my thanks, “Thank you Aunt Carol and Linda for the pretty coat.”

We said our goodbyes and Mommy strapped me into my child seat for the ride home. The petticoats made the dress stick way up and I could barely see over the top of them as we made our way home. Mommy unbuckled me and led me by the hand into the house. She helped me remove my new pink coat and hung it on the pegs near the door. She then turned back to me and taking my hand and raising it above my head spun me around in a couple of circles making the dress rise way up and I giggled.

“Dana you make such a lovely girl and you made your Mommy so very happy today. Your Daddy and I wanted another child very badly and especially a little sister for you. Then when I saw you in the dinning room today I thought God had granted my deepest wish and given me a daughter. I know you’re a boy and a very handsome one, but you can be the prettiest little girl I’ve ever seen too. Do you like the wearing the dress and pretending to be a girl?”

I was confused. I was just playing pretend with Linda and let her dress me like a girl. Then my Mommy and Aunt and Uncle all thought I should stay dressed up like a girl. Yes I did like the feel of the pretty slip and dress and everything but it was just for pretend. Now Mommy really thinks I could be her daughter and her son. I’m sure I would have protested much more if Mommy hadn’t seemed so happy. I hadn’t seen her so happy since before Daddy left us. Now she was asking me if I liked pretending to be her daughter. If I say no she will probably be sad again. If I say yes I’ll probably have to wear dresses again.
I answered as best I knew how, “I don’t mind the dress too much Mommy. And if it makes you happy if I pretend to be a girl once in a while I guess it’s ok.”

“Oh darling you’re such a good boy. Will you wear your dress until it’s time to go to bed for Mommy?”

“Yes, Mommy, I will.” I knew I would have to wear it when we got home or she would have let me wear my own clothes home. Later that evening as Mommy help me get ready for bed she helped me out of the dress and slip and hung them in my closet. I hoped they would be hidden so if Charlie came to play he wouldn’t see them. The panties, vest and socks were resigned to the laundry hamper. Then Mommy put me in a warm tub of water with smelly bubbles and let me play before she came back to wash me all up. She shampooed my hair with her smelly shampoo and then even rubbed more stuff in it she said would make it shiny and soft.

As she toweled me dry she ask me, “Honey, would you like to wear something soft and slippery like the slip you wore today to sleep in tonight?”

“I don’t know. Aren’t my pj’s ok?”

“Oh sure if you want them but try this on first and see what you think.” With that she held out what look to me like a pair of girls underpants but they were all shiny and smooth. I stepped into them and she pulled them up over my waist and used a safety pin to pin the waist so the wouldn’t fall off me. They were big on me but very light and very smooth and ticklish on my bottom.

“Mommy those look like girl’s underwear,” I stated.

She said nothing as she dropped the white shiny top that reminded me of the vest I wore earlier but his one was to match the bottoms I was wearing. The little string straps when settled on my shoulders allowed the vest to hand down clear to my tummy. Mommy remarked, “Oh my that’s a little big for my girl isn’t it. Well I think I can fix that.” She proceeded to pull the string straps up and tie them in kind of a knot that shortened the vest and pulled it up over my chest. It wasn’t like the vest at all. It was real big and kind of floaty down over me.

“How does that feel? Better than those PJ’s of yours, I’ll bet. Oh you look so cute in that but it’s way to big. If you like it after you’ve slept in it tonight maybe we can find some to fit you better.”

They were tickly and certainly felt a lot different than my PJ’s. I wasn’t certain if that was a good feeling or a bad feeling, but it was a different feeling. I simply stated, “I guess so,” in response.

Mommy tucked me in bed that night with a big hug and kiss. And tonight was different as I drifted off to sleep I didn’t hear Mommy crying as she did most nights.
Christmas was fast coming upon us. The excitement I felt anticipating Santa’s arrival could not be greater in any other soon to be six year old. As the decorations went up all over town and in our house I thought I was going to expire before the big day arrived. Ever since Thanksgiving nothing was ever said about me being Mommy’s daughter. She never suggested I pretend to be a girl or wear the dress hung in my closet. The pink panties, vest and socks had been placed in my chest of drawers but never mentioned. Mommy continued to be very happy almost all of the time and it appeared as if our life would continue much as it had before Daddy died and left us. I wondered if Mommy would know how to set up the train under the Christmas tree like Daddy always did. Last Christmas was the first time he let me run the train by myself. I really like doing that.

The week before Christmas Uncle Bob, Aunt Carol and Linda all came over for Sunday dinner. Uncle Bob set up the tree for us to decorate complete with the electric train running under it. Linda and I both played with the train. She had brought little dolls with her that fit in the cars of the train and we played while Aunt Carol and Mommy hung decorations on the tree above us. Christmas Carols played in the parlor as we decorated the tree. Uncle Bob had escaped to the den to watch more football.

As Linda and I played she ask me, “Do you wear the dress I gave you a lot?”

“No. I haven’t wore it since we played at your house.”

“Oh why not? Didn’t you like it? You looked so pretty in it.”

“I don’t know I just didn’t. Mommy never ask me to pretend to be a girl and I don’t think boys are supposed to wear dresses or like them.”

“Oh,” she said in a puzzled tone. “Mommy and I went through my closets and drawers and picked out a whole bunch of my old clothes that would fit you if you wanted them.”

“Well I’m not pretending to be a girl or a Mommy anymore so I guess not.”

Mommy and Aunt Carol were both tuned into our conversation and both had sly smiles on their faces. Aunt Carol interjected, “Let’s wait and see what Christmas brings.”

I thought her remark was strange but just let it slide. There had been an occasion or two when I was playing with my doll, that Daddy didn’t like, I thought about putting the dress and things on again to be the Mommy. But I knew I couldn’t get the dress on by myself and I would feel funny asking Mommy to help me put it on. If it hadn’t been for the train to entertain Linda and I we might have ended up in my room and me wearing the dress again.

Excitement built all week long, at least for me it did. I got to see Santa Claus at the mall and tell him what I wanted for Christmas. After my toy list, which included a new doll and an erector set and a remote controlled truck I told him, I’d like some new clothes too. Santa said he was sure a pretty girl like me would get a pretty new Christmas dress. I didn’t even bother to correct him. I mean after all Santa Clause knows everything.

Christmas Eve finally arrived. Aunt Carol, Uncle Bob, Linda, Mommy and I all had dinner together and then stayed up late to go to the midnight church service. Neither Linda nor I saw the end of the service. We were both sound asleep when they lit the candles in the procession out of church. I only vaguely remember being carried to my room and undressed and put to bed.

As dawn broke I also broke from bed. I rushed headlong down the stairs and into the parlor to confirm Santa’s visit. Presents wrapped in bright paper wrappings were stacked under the tree. The tree was lit and I almost wet myself in glee. I had to wake Mommy and tell her Santa had been there. I dashed back up the stairs and burst into Mommy’s bedroom only to find her bed empty and made. As I turned to continue my quest I shouted for her, “Mommy, Mommy where are you? Santa came.”

I thought I was really going to pee myself so I detoured into the bathroom to relive myself. It wasn’t until then that I paid any attention to what I was wearing. It wasn’t my usual PJ’s. It was a long pink nightgown that came clear down to my ankles. I pulled it up and sat on the toilet knowing I couldn’t very well stand and pee holding both the nightgown up as well as me willy. I examined the gown as I peed. It was pretty and was like my PJ’s of soft comfy. The bottom as well as the neckline and cuffs of the long sleeves were ruffled. I guess I was to be Mommy’s daughter once again.

I quickly finished my business and continued my hunt. I ran headlong down the stairs once again finding that holding the gown I wore up around my knees gave me more mobility and speed. Into the kitchen I ran still shouting for Mommy when I ran smack into her. I hit so hard I knocked myself backward ending up sitting on my bum looking up into Mommy’s smiling face. I shouted, “Mommy, Mommy he was hear. Come on, come see.”

Mommy bend down and lifted me to my feet by my arms as she said, “Take it easy there little one. It’s not going anywhere. Wouldn’t you like some breakfast before you start tearing into packages?”

“Oh, please Mommy let’s eat after. Please,” I pleaded.

“Oh Ok let’s go see,” she said as I dragged her by the hand into the parlor.

“Look Mommy look at all the presents. Can I open them now Mommy? Can I please?”

“Yes, yes, now settle down before you have a heart attack. Here Open this one first,” she said as she handed me a huge package in bright red shiny paper with a big red bow on it.

I tore into the package and the large box with the cellophane cover revealed a large doll almost eighteen inches or more tall. I examined it and thought, yes I had ask Santa for a doll but I never expected one like this. It was large and very girlish. I would never be able to deny feeling like a girl playing with it. I sat somewhat in shock as I examined it closely.

Mommy questioned my silence, “What’s the matter honey, Do you like it?”

I responded, “Oh Mommy she’s so beautiful.” I continued my examination as I opened the box to examine the doll more closely. She was a Christmas doll for sure. Clothed in a red velvet dress with white fur trim around the sleeves and the hem that hung to her knees. Her curly blond hair was tied with a red velvet ribbon to match the dress. She wore a matching red velvet jacket over the dress that tied with red velvet ties in front. The jacket was also trimmed in the snowy white fur. Her white lace top socks disappeared into shiny black t-bar shoes with little gold bells attached to the strap. I carefully lifted the dress to examine the pretty white slip under it and saw she also wore white panties with ruffled lace all over them.

As I held my new dolly at arms length a startling revelation came about. I almost shouted, “Mommy, she looks just like me!”

Mommy laughed and said, “Yes, she does. It’s a special doll I ordered from Santa just for you. I wanted you to see how pretty a little girl you could be every time you played with her. Now come on and open the rest of your presents. Here open this one next.”

I tore into the next long flat box as I sat my dolly by my side to witness all the rest of my wonderful Christmas. I opened the long box pulling the top off and it was filled with red velvet. I reached in and lifted the garment from the box and stood up holding it to examine it closely. It was a red velvet dress exactly like the one worn by my new dolly. Even the matching jacket was in the box under the dress. It felt so nice and was so pretty, but it was a dress. I turned to Mom who sat there with a smile of concern on her face awaiting my reaction. “Mommy, it’s a dress.”

“Yes dear it’s your very own dress just like the one your dolly is wearing. Now when you play Mommy to your dolly you can wear your pretty dress and be like Mother and daughter. Won’t you like doing that?”

I wasn’t sure what to think. The dress was beautiful and yes I would love to wear it but was it right for a boy to pretend to be a girl. What would Uncle Bob and Aunt Carol say?
I searched for the right words to respond. Mommy wanted me to be her girl again. It made her happy and she didn’t cry. I liked when I wore Linda’s dress and pretended to be a girl. But how could I be a girl one day and a boy the next. Finally I decided what I needed to do. I turned to Mommy and wrapped my arms around her and kissed her on the cheek and almost a whisper in her ear said, “Oh Mommy it’s beautiful just like the dolly. Santa said He was going to bring me a dress. I want to be your girl Mommy cause it makes you happy and I want to wear the pretty dress too.”

I felt tears on Mommy’s cheek as we hugged. Mommy recovered and pushed me back from her and said, “I know your going to be the sweetest girl ever. Now get busy and open the rest of your presents.”

The mayhem of wrapping paper and packages that followed was punctuated only by squeals of surprise and joy. I did get my radio-controlled car. It was a pink “Barbie” car.
I also had the complete outfit matching my dolly. The satiny slip, lace top socks, ruffled rumba panties, red velvet hair ribbon, the black t-bar shoes with little bells and a red velvet purse with strings for over the wrist were all there. I didn’t get any boy clothes. I unwrapped skirts and tops, girls’ pants and matching tops and panties and vests just like Linda’s.

As things settled down Mommy looked at me and ask, “You didn’t say anything about your new nightgown you slept in last night. Do you like it?

“Oh yes Mommy it’s so warm and cuddly. But it’s for a girl, isn’t it?”

“Yes sweetheart, it’s for Mommy new and best little girl. Now let’s go eat some breakfast so we can get cleaned up and dressed before your Aunt and Uncle get here.”

As Mommy and I ate breakfast she continued to ask me about every gift Santa had left me and did I liked them. I truly did like everything and really wanted to wear the dress to match my dolly’s outfit. I still was concerned about people seeing me dressed like a girl but was afraid to broach this subject with Mommy for fear I’d make her sad again.

As breakfast was finished Mommy ushered me up to the bathroom and a tub full of smelly bubbles. She instructed me, “Get your self all washed up while I go straighten up down stairs. I’ll be back to do your hair and help get you dressed.”

I sheepishly queried Mommy. “Mommy could I.. Well could I try on the dress to match my dolly?”

“Of course you can. I wouldn’t have it any other way. After all it is a Christmas Dress and it is Christmas,” she said as she left me to the warm bubble bath.

When Mommy returned she washed my hair and wrapped me in a big fluffy towel. She carried me to her room and dried my hair and then began winding it in her curling iron creating massive curls all over my head. She then brushed it and added the red velvet ribbon. It looked just like my dolly’s hair when she was done. She then took my hands and brushed my fine fingernails and added a coat of red polish to match the dress.

I stepped into the rumba panties as she pulled them up around my waist. They felt wonderful covering my bottom and I had to run my hands all over them. Mom simply commented, “Oh my little girl likes frilly panties, doesn’t she?” I made no response.

Soon, but not nearly soon enough for me, I was dressed in the complete ensemble. Satiny slip, white lace top socks, black shiny shoes that tinkled when I walked, the gorgeous red velvet dress and jacket and the little red velvet purse adorned me. As I stood in front of the big door mirror I swung to and fro as the white lacy slip would peek out. All of a sudden it hit me and I squeaked in a girlish little voice, “Mommy, where’s my dolly? I want to see her and me together.”

“Here you are sweetheart,” she said as she produced the doll from nowhere.

I quickly wrapped the doll in my arm and looked at our reflection in the mirror. We are twins except I’m bigger, I thought. I turned back to Mommy as the flash of the camera went off. A little startled I said to her, “Are we pretty girls Mommy?”

“You’re gorgeous! Both of you are,” she said as tears welled up in her eyes. “Now take your dolly downstairs and think over a good name for her while I get dressed.

I saw the tears well up in her eyes and hoped these were the happy tears. I took my new dolly in my arm and headed down the stairs already thinking about a name for her and talking with her about what name she would like. I was still sitting in a chair in front of the Christmas tree talking with my dolly when Mommy came down stairs. She looked really pretty in a long green dress with her hair all fixed nice, I had to speak, “Oh Mommy your look so beautiful.”

“Well thank you sweetheart. I didn’t want to look like a frump next to my beautiful new little girl.. Did you think of a name for your dolly yet?”

“Oh lot’s of names but I can’t decide. Mommy if I had been a little girl when I was born what would you have called me?”

“A miracle,” she chided.

“No Mommy, I mean for real.”

“Your Daddy and I had decide that we’d call you Elizabeth Ann if you had been a girl when you were born. But we also thought about Dana Lee too. I guess that’s why you ended up as Dana.”

“That’s what her name is then. Mommy meets Elizabeth Ann.”

“A perfect name for such a lovely daughter. Why are you squirming around in your chair so much? Are your slip and panties bothering you?”

“No Mommy. I’m sorry. They just tickle and it feels nice.”

“Well good little girls don’t squirm around like that. Now hold still and make a pout for Mommy.”
I did and she smeared this slippery stuff over my lips from her fingertip and the continued to shape it smoothing it around. She said, “This will keep your lips from getting chapped.” She then held a mirror on front of my face I and I saw the red hue to my lips similar to the red lips of my dolly.

“Mommy now my lips even look like Elizabeth’s lips.”

“Well your much to young to wear make-up but today is special so you can wear the lip gloss today.”

The doorbell rang and Aunt Carol, Uncle Bob and Linda all flooded through the doorway loaded down with packages and yelling Merry Christmas. There I stood. There stood their nephew in a pretty red dress holding a dolly in his arms. I thought I would change clothes before they came. Uncle Bob dropped his packages, as he looked me up and down, “Holy Shit Aren’t you just the prettiest little Christmas Angel.”

Aunt Carol added her thoughts, “Helen, she’s absolutely beautiful.”

Linda had placed the dish she carried on the table and ran to me. “Oh Dana your so pretty. And your doll is so pretty too. Look Mom; look at Dana’s doll. It looks just like her. Oh show me everything. Show me what else you got.”

My face and ears grew hot. They were calling me she. They were pretending I was a real girl. The moment passed as Mommy, Uncle Bob and Aunt Carol all went to the kitchen. Linda threw her coat off and dropped to her knees in front of the tree. She was wearing a reed satin dress with gold trim. Her lace top socks and shoes looked similar to the ones I wore but without the buckles. Her long straight hair was combed in bangs over her forehead and a red satin ribbon separated her bangs from the rest of her hair. I handed Elizabeth Ann to her to examine more closely as I pulled my other gifts out to show her. She picked the dress up and giggled.

She ask, IS your outfit just like your dolly’s outfit? Did you get the fancy panties and everything?”

I picked up the bottom of my skirt and slip to expose the panties adorning my bottom. Linda giggled and said, “Oh those are just to die for. They look so cute on you.” She reached out and right up under my dress and slip to run her hand over my panties. “Oh Dana they are so smooth and frilly. I’ll bet you really like them, don’t you?”

I acknowledged it, “Yeah they really do feel nice.”

I showed her all my little girl clothes Santa had brought me. She liked them all. Then she said, “It looks like Santa decided you’re going to be a girl instead of a boy. My Mom said that Aunt Helen always wanted a girl and that it was possible to make boys into girls. Do you want to be a girl?”

“I.. I didn’t know a boy could be a girl. I think my Mommy likes me being a girl cause she doesn’t cry as much as she use to cry. She even bought me a bunch of panties and vests like yours. Do you think I should be a girl?”

“Oh yes, your much to pretty to ever be a boy. And don’t you like wearing pretty dresses and having your hair all fixed up and having people tell you how pretty you are?”

“I guess so.” Well I wasn’t completely sold on the idea but it was fun pretending to be a girl sometimes.

We unwrapped gifts to one another. They all bought me girl things. I got a holiday Barbie and an Easy Bake Oven. I got another dress from Aunt Carol. My days as a boy might just have ended that Christmas Day.

Late in the afternoon Linda And I were moving many of my presents up to my room. She had brought her new doll with her and we were playing with the dolls. I remember hearing the phone ring earlier and now later the doorbell rang. I could here strange voices and wondered who else had come to visit. I decided I’d stay in my room to avoid being seen in my lovely new dress. I really didn’t want to change it.

Just about that time the door to my room opened and Charlie burst in. He looked from me to Linda and back at me dumbfounded. Then he shrieked, “You’re a girl! You looked like a boy before. I thought you were a boy. You told me you were a boy.”

Linda spoke up, “Of course she’s a girl, you dummy. Always has been and always will be.”

Once again I felt the heat rising to my face and ears. I ask, “What are you dong here Charlie?”

He replied, “My Mom brought me over to see what you got for Christmas. She doesn’t know you’re a girl either.”

False courage sprung forth in me as I replied, “Well as you can see I am a girl. Linda and I were just playing with the new dolls we got from Santa. Do you want to play with us?”

“No!” He shouted as he beat a retreat back down the stairs. Linda and I just looked at one another and had a giggle fit. We could hear him shouting to his mother, “Dana’s a girl Mom. She’s wearing a dress and playing with dolls.”

We couldn’t hear his Mother’s response but we did hear my Mommy’s command, “Girls, come down stairs. We have company that want to see you.”

Taking our dolls with us we traipsed down the stairs and into the parlor where everyone was gathered. Charlie’s Mom inspected us both closely as we heard charley whisper to his Mom, “See I told you so.”
Charlie’s Mom spoke, “My you are both very pretty in your Christmas outfits. I can’t believe Charlie thought you were a boy. I always thought you were much to pretty to be a boy but Charlie always referred to you as his boy playmate. I guess the clothes you wore had us fooled.” She laughed along with the others. She added, “Well Charlie I guess you have a girlfriend instead of a boyfriend to play with now.”

Charlie grunted, “No way,” under his breath.

Finally Christmas Day was done. The company had departed. I was very tired as Mommy helped me out of my dress and things, and washed me up after I brushed my teeth. She then had me slip into the little pink panties that matched the pink satin “Barbie” nightgown. It was another present from her to me. As she tucked me into my bed and kissed me goodnight she said, “You know that everyone now thinks you’re really a girl. All your friends and the neighbors will now treat you that way too. So I think you’re going to have to pretend to be Mommy’s little girl for a long time.”

I questioned, “Mommy, Linda said boys could become girls. Is that true?”

“Yes Darling, it’s very true.”

“But I don’t look like a girl when I’m naked in the tub.”

“All that can be changed Honey but that’s a long time away. Right now and for a long time as long as you dress and act like a girl you will be one and make Mommy so very happy.”

And so it was for many years beginning that special Christmas Day I became Mommy’s special little girl. I don’t remember ever wearing jeans or pants much after that. I was always in the frilliest dresses and skirts. I never did have to get my curls cut off. As puberty approached Mommy had me on special vitamins to keep me healthy and puberty as a boy never happened to me.

Charlie got over the shock of his discovery and we did have playtimes together as we grew up, Charlie was resigned at time to play girl games with me and I did play boys games with Charlie but always in my dresses.

Linda and I were closer than most sisters as we grew up. I got lots of her hand-me-downs. After that special Christmas she never again referred to me as a boy or talked about the boy her cousin Dana use to be.

Mom never did remarry and we lived a very happy life. We were never rich but we were well enough off that Mom never had to work. I guess if Daddy had not been killed in that auto wreck when he was I might have become a boy and a man. I just couldn’t imagine that ever happening.

Notes:

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