Synopsis

In many ways Tiffany is the newest girl in her small community near Albuquerque, New Mexico. In the whirlwind of the last few weeks she has emerged from the shell of a scared and confused little boy named Brandon. Ever since Tiffany's parents confirmed with her their suspicions of her deepest wants and needs, they've supported her completely. With solid support from her family, her best friend and family and surprisingly, her growing circle of other friends it seems she might have a chance for a successful future.

'Can all this last?' is one of the biggest questions on her mind now. 'Will everyone stick with me when things get tough?' She's had an amazingly easy last couple weeks and she knows it won't last. What will happen when she returns to school? And most importantly, what will her psychiatrist decide? Will her doctor force her to return to living the lie as Brandon? These fears and more whirl in her mind as she looks to an uncertain future.

Daring to Hope is the continuing story of a bright, talented, and beautiful girl, who dares to hope for a future that is one based on happy dreams.

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Viewing Note: This story should be viewed with the Edwardian Script ITC font installed on your Windows platform in the c:/Windows/Fonts directory. Microsoft Word installs this font automatically.

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The Legal Stuff: Daring to Hope  © 2008 By Tiffany Shar
 
This is a work of fiction. Names, Characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Copyright  © 2008 By Tiffany Shar. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission.
 
 
Preface
 
 
 
Last month I finally got around to publishing the first book of this trilogy, Standing Up to Life here at BigCloset. I had been delayed in publishing it there while trying to get it also published by Lulu.com. Well it’s taken me a bit longer on this book to get it up here as well, but here it is!

Like the first book I posted here, I am posting a standard copy of this here at BigCloset, and announcing that I have two versions available for purchasing through My Store at Lulu.com. Back by popular demand is the ebook download of the book. My assumption is that the majority of my readers would be most interested in this edition of the book. If you enjoy this work perhaps you will consider supporting me by purchasing it from my store($3.00 for the ebook). I also have a hardback edition that is available, and will work on making a paperback edition available as well here in the coming weeks. With both the paperback and hardback editions I hope to have them available through Amazon.com in a couple months as well, and will offer to have Erin sell it through her Amazon page at that time.

Thank you to all of you, my amazing readers! Your comments have kept me going through some times when I thought I would never be able to write or edit another minute! Speaking of editing, thanks to my amazing editor, Carla Ann, for helping me out with this large work. Now that this project is coming to a close I hope to be able to focus solely on Book 3, and have that ready for you all this summer. Since it is the concluding book of the series I wish to be sure that it’s done right. Thanks again, and I hope you enjoy this book!

     -Tiffany Shar

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Chapter 32
 
 
THE NEXT MORNING I woke up and realized I was short clean clothes. The only thing I had that was clean and seemed wearable was the dress I bought Saturday. I showered and threw it on — making sure to do my hair like it had been done for me on Wednesday. Honestly I thought I looked pretty, but hoped the dress didn’t make me look too young. It wasn’t extremely juvenile… I was just worried about it. That was definitely my biggest disadvantage to being so short as a girl.

I was absolutely nervous as I went downstairs. The news story was a game changer — and I didn’t know for certain how it had changed things. What would change at school and what wouldn’t? I was fairly certain that I would be losing friends today — there was no way that all of them would be willing to stick behind me now… not when it was going to be so hard to do so.

As I rounded the bottom of the stairs I saw Amy was already sitting at the table. Amy’s mom asked, "What do you want for breakfast Tiffany?"

"I’m not really hungry…" I started off saying.

"You need to at least eat something, sweetie" she said to me.

"Do you have stuff for toast?" I asked.

"Yes, just give me a few minutes," she said with a smile.

As she dropped it off in front of me a few minutes later she gave me a hug. "Tiffany, it’ll work out, I promise. And you look very nice today." She said with a smile.

"Thanks," I told her with a slight smile.

I really loved her and their family. There were certainly moments where I was wishing that I’d been born their kid instead of with my parents. I know that’s terrible… but it was the truth. I loved my parents though, so I mentally smacked myself for thinking something like that.

Breakfast was over quickly and Amy’s mom drove us to school. Mom apparently had driven over my school stuff this morning. I wish she would have brought over some school clothes with her… but she apparently was too preoccupied. She did thankfully bring over some clothes for the dance squad practice afterschool. I had been worried about that as I tried to sleep that night.

As we pulled up to school one of my worst nightmares came true. Across the street, off the school grounds, was a group of people holding signs with various messages on them. All of the messages were directed at me. The signs had such wonderful messages as ‘boys shouldn’t wear dresses,’ ‘don’t let trannys ruin our school,’ ‘God hates transsexuals,’ and more that were worse and shouldn’t be repeated.

There were probably about thirty-five people in the group across the street. I could see Jarred and Lucas standing there with their parents, all but confirming they were partially behind all of this. As I stepped out of the car toward the school entrance, I steeled myself and walked away from the safety of her mom’s car. For whatever reason, I wasn’t really sure why, I turned around, smiled, and waved at them. I then turned around and walked with Amy into the building.

"Are you crazy Tiffany?" Amy grabbed my arm and asked me.

"Maybe… It was either do that or cry. I figured me waving at them would annoy them more than giving them what they want and crying." I told her. I was shaking a bit now.

"Maybe. Are you going to be alright Tiff?" She asked me as she could see I was beginning to shake, "Do you want to go sit somewhere for a few minutes?"

"No, I’ll be okay in a minute… I just hope that I can make it through the rest of the day." I told her.

"You will. Just look forward to practice after school." She suggested.

The bell rang about that time and we headed for first hour. It was like being back on the second day of school again… Except worse.

As I sat down in first hour what students didn’t glare at me didn’t even acknowledge me. If it wasn’t for Kyle, Lindsey, and Ashley — no one except Amy would have talked to me. Students that had begun being friendly to me and talking to me wouldn’t even give me a second glance. We had a group assignment that day, the groups were assigned randomly, and only Kyle was in my group.

It was nearly impossible for me to get anything done on the assignment because the others wouldn’t even acknowledge my presence. To make things worse as we finished the assignment one of the kids said, "get the hell out of our school queer."

The acts of unfriendliness continued as I found copies of the letters in the newspaper plastered up everywhere someone thought I would see them. Of course none of those letters were the good ones — they were all of the ones condemning me as a freak. Part of me didn’t care — but most of me was so taken aback by how far south things had gone in the last week. Before this I thought maybe things could settle into a normal school year. I was apparently really wrong about that.

As Amy and I came out of choir to go to math we saw that the protestors were still sitting across the street. If I was feeling hurt she was feeling absolutely enraged. As we came into math class and saw yet another copy of the newspaper articles taped to my desk she had had enough of this.

"LISTEN UP ALL OF YOU! I’M SICK OF YOU DOING THIS TO TIFFANY! SHE’S DONE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO ANY OF YOU — AND YET YOU THINK SHE DESERVES TO GET CHASED OUT OF THIS SCHOOL?!?! IF YOU DON’T LIKE THE FACT SHE’S HERE YOU GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!"

I was really taken aback by this. Amy never yelled — well except for cheerleading stuff, and I had never heard her swear before. Half the school had probably heard her. As a cheerleader she knew how to make a lot of noise, and she had definitely just accomplished that.

To further make the point she was joined by Kyle. "I’m with Amy," he said without shouting, "If I find out who is doing this you can plan on meeting up with me after school. You won’t even give her the chance — or even the time of day — just to get to know her. Some of you have even just changed your opinion of her just because some idiotic adults, that have never met her, say that you have to hate her — or stay away from her."

One kid, an eighth grade gang banger in our math class stood up and replied, "I don’t need any of those to tell me that Tiffany’s a freak. I’ve wanted her gone from the first day of school!"

"Well she’s not going anywhere," David stood up and said for me, "If you don’t like it that she’s here you need to find another school." The eighth grader was one of the bigger ones, but David towered over him by a couple inches and thirty pounds. The kid acted like he was going to make another statement but decided against it and sat down.

"You can’t intimidate me David," one girl stood up and said, "I’m a girl so you can’t hit me. Personally I can’t wait until one of these days when Tiffany’s alone — I’m going to enjoy beating her up." This girl was another eighth grader in our class. She was another of the gang girls whose sole mission in life was to have sex.

At that point Ashley and Kyle went over and each spoke into one of her ears something. She turned as white as she could (she was fairly dark skinned for a Hispanic so that was a challenge) and sat down.

A boy next to me, one of the only kids that was taller than David and the ringleader of the largest gang in our school leaned over to me. "Tiffany, I have to say you’ve got some good friends. Personally I think you’re cool enough — you’ve helped me in class before, so I’m going to help you out here."

He then stood up, "look, Tiffany’s not necessarily your normal girl. But I say she’s cool — keep your hands off of her or you’ll answer to me."

I watched the eyes in the room narrow from a couple of the people that were in other gangs, and the members of his own gang registered some shock. Nothing more was said at this point as Mr. Martin came in from the hallway — having never seen any of this. Towards the end of class I leaned over to Markus, the gang leader, and said, "Thanks, I wasn’t expecting that."

"You’re welcome. Just help me out again once in a while on these assignments, I’d like to be able to move on to the high school next year." he requested.

"Sure," I said with a smile.

From there the day didn’t necessarily get easier… but it was a little less tense. With his word that his gang was to keep hands off — and he would deal with any others — I didn’t look like I was as an easy of a target. I wasn’t sure that he was completely being honest and not just playing me about that, but it was worth hoping for right?

At lunch I found out that even if kids weren’t being actively hostile they could still leave a mark. Amy and I sat down as normal, joined by Kyle, David, Ashley, Lindsey, Nikki, and Kristina. But I watched the rest of the people that normally sat with us, girls that I had counted on as friends, go sit on the other side of the cafeteria away from us — or at least me. Brittany, Jennifer, and Amber were three of those girls. Amber had just been to my birthday party, not even two weeks ago, Jennifer had been invited, and now they wanted nothing to do with me?!?

Amy must have sensed what I was thinking as I stared over on that side of the cafeteria, "Tiffany forget about them. They must not have been real friends anyway," she told me.

She then did her best to engage me with conversation. Kristina also did her best to try with that, "Tiffany that’s a really cute dress. Where did you get it?" She asked.

"Bloomingdales," I told her.

"Really? Isn’t that a really expensive store?" She asked.

"Yeah… I never would have been able to afford to buy it — but we got some gift certificates to there and FAO Schwartz Saturday morning."

"That’s cool, what else did you all do?" She asked. Amy would always be my best friend… but if Amy was like my twin sister (which I often thought of her as,) Kristina was quickly becoming my big sister. By the time we had gotten through lunch she had managed to make the memories of our trip bigger in my mind than the last twenty-four hours.

I was actually even smiling a bit as we got into home-ec that afternoon. That class only had Amy in it, but thankfully word seemed to be out to leave me alone. So, everyone pretty much just ignored me. It sucked, but at least I wasn’t worried about getting beat up. At the end of class before the bell Mrs. Holt asked, "Tiffany may I talk to you for a second?"

I went up to her desk, "Yes Mrs. Holt?"

"Are you still going to try out for the dance squad?" She asked.

"I want to," I paused for a second before saying, "if I still can with all of this going on."

"I’m fine with you trying out Tiffany, in fact I’ve heard some good things about you from Coach Clemens at the high school."

"Really?" I asked.

"She seems to think that you would be one of the better girls I could catch — I’m hoping that will be the case. I do want to warn you though — you are going to have to deal with a lot of the other girls giving you a hard time. I have a feeling their parents are not going to be happy with you on the squad. Do your best though and I don’t think that will matter," She told me with a smile.

"Thanks." I started to turn around and head out the door because the bell rang, but stopped to ask. "Umm… we’re supposed to wear a cotton t-shirt and shorts right?"

"Yes Tiffany," she told me. "Along with a sports bra too," she said. That was nice enough of her to add. She knew as well as I did that I didn’t need one at this point. I had brought one though so that wasn’t a problem.

"Where should I change?" I asked her. I had been kind of worried about it.

"Well if you make the squad we’ll figure out something different, but for now why don’t you go ahead and change in the bathroom you’re using during the day here." She suggested. "I’ll let Amy be a little bit late so she can come with you." She added.

"Thanks," I told her as we left to go to our next class.

As we went to English we stopped by our lockers — still the old ones — and found more articles taped to them. This time there were also some other notes that were ridiculous and I decided to rip them all off and go hand them to Mrs. Henry. Amy tried to stop me, but I’d had enough.

"Is Mrs. Henry in?" I asked the secretary. "She’s in her office let me see…" she started to say but I just walked past her and in through her open door.

I put the notes and articles on her desk, turned around, and left to go to class. I didn’t trust myself to say anything. "Tiffany…" I heard her start from behind me. But I just went to class with Amy and made sure I got there by the time the bell rang.

Ms. Damien saw that I was not far off of losing it as I sat down and asked me to come talk to her in the hallway. "What’s going on Tiffany?" she asked me.

"What’s not going on?" I said louder than I intended to. "Sorry," I told her.

She smiled at me slightly, "Look I know this is a really bad day you’re having. This is a really crappy way to come back from a weekend. If you need someone, an adult not your parents or one of the principals, to talk to — let me know. Even if you’re in another class have them write a pass and I’ll find some time to talk, okay?" she asked.

"Okay." I said. I really didn’t want to calm down right now, I wanted to be furious, but she had succeeded in adding some length to my fuse.

"Let’s get back in there then," she said as she gave me a shoulder hug and led me back inside.

As I sat down I felt a lot of appreciation for her — she had done exactly what I needed and she was the only person that really could have helped. I began to work on the assignment she gave us — writing about an important event in your life — when Mrs. Hinther and Mrs. Henry walked into the door.

"May we see Tiffany for a moment?" Mrs. Hinther asked.

My eyes narrowed and I could see Ms. Damien’s did too, but she couldn’t exactly say no could she? She didn’t trust herself to speak — I could see that — and just nodded at me. I grabbed my backpack and followed them out to the hallway.

I ended up getting led to the office from the class and into Mrs. Hinther’s office. "Okay Tiffany, we need to talk about your rude behavior to Mrs. Henry a few minutes ago." She started to say.

"Excuse me ma’am, not to be rude — but I’ve been given two instructions for if you wanted to talk to me about anything else this school year. May I either have permission to record this meeting with the tape recorder I have in my bag or would you please call my parents or my attorney."

"You may have neither," she said.

"Then ma’am I am going to go ask the secretary to borrow her phone, and once I call out you can plan on Mr. Hancock making good on his promise of a lawsuit being filed against both of you." I said as I started to stand up.

"Young lady don’t you dare move out of that chair or I’m writing you up for insubordination," Mrs. Hinther said angrily.

"I’ve been told not to speak to you alone Ma’am. You can go ahead and write me up." I said as calmly as I could and stood up to go out into the main office. Both principals were stunned enough by my reaction that I had already dialed on the secretary’s phone before they even managed to get out of her office. My parents were really worried something like this was going to happen today — so they’d told me just to call Mr. Hancock’s office first since he had a secretary that could get them a message.

"Hello, may I speak to Mr. Hancock?" I asked.

"May I ask who’s calling?" his secretary asked.

"Tiffany," I said.

"Give me just a second sweetie," she told me. I’d never met her but Amy claimed his secretary was really nice — I guess she was right.

"Tiffany?" I heard from the other line.

"Hi," I said managing to sound vaguely coherent, "I’m really in trouble and I need your help." I sniffled, then continued, "What we talked about happening before happened. And, can you call my parents please?"

"Absolutely Tiffany, just give me about ten minutes and I’ll be down there. I’ll see if I can get a hold of your mom too." He told me.

"Thanks Mr. Hancock, I’m really scared."

I managed to look like I was fairly strong on the outside... but inside I was crying like the frightened little girl that I was. My parents had told me not to speak to her like she wanted under any circumstances, so I knew I was doing the right thing. But, I’d also been taught that principals are in charge and I shouldn’t disobey them.

I hung up the phone and sat down in one of the office chairs in the lobby area, trying to calm myself. "Tiffany you need to come back in here right now," Mrs. Hinther came out yelling at me.

"Not until my attorney and my mom get here," I told her politely and with a smile. She was absolutely furious with me. She made a big show of showing me the write-up she was filling out. With that she said, "You can kiss your chances of being on the dance squad good-bye Tiffany, you’re not allowed to be on it if you’ve had a write-up." She said.

She continued to issue a barrage of taunts one after another — but I had shut down. I wasn’t saying anything. If I did she might actually have a case; as of right now though she was well past the line of allowable actions. Mrs. Henry had actually stepped into her office and shut the door. I could see the secretaries covering their faces with their hands wishing that she would shut up. I decided that she was really close to losing it, so permission or not, I reached into the front pocket of my backpack that was on my lap, and turned on the recorder. I didn’t know if it would do any good, or if it would be useable in court, but with her threatening me I was scared it might be the only protection I had.

Ten minutes into this she said, "Alright, if you won’t come willingly I’ll move you myself," she had totally lost control by this point and began to grab the upper part of my arm to pull me up with.

"OW! Let go of me!" I told her.

"Get in here!" she screamed at me.

About that time the cavalry arrived. My mom and Mr. Hancock arrived at the same time and I could see my mom was absolutely furious. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING WITH MY DAUGHTER?" She screamed. "UNHAND HER NOW!" she said.

Mrs. Hinther suddenly realized she had really done it now. She let go of me and I began massaging where she had been gripping me.

Mr. Hancock looked over at the secretary and asked, "Would you please call the resource officer up here please. We will be filing assault charges against Mrs. Hinther." The secretary’s eyes grew huge and she looked afraid of Mrs. Hinther.

Mr. Hancock noticed that and added, "Don’t worry — she’s not going to be able to do anything to you after today." He then looked at me, "Tiffany, are you okay?" Mom had me in a bear hug and I was bawling. I had lost all control of my emotions at that point and it was a really good thing mom didn’t want me wearing makeup — it would have been all over the place.

"No, not really." I sobbed. "She’s been yelling at me non-stop since I called you. She also refused to let me record the conversation or call you and wrote me up out here telling me that now I can’t make the dance squad." If either of them actually understood any of this through my sobs I would have been really surprised.

He actually gave me a hug at this point too, and said to my mom, "Go get her calmed down and her face cleaned up. Then take her to her next class. I’m going to deal with the school district." He then tilted my head up to where I was looking at him, "Don’t worry about this one Tiffany, I guarantee you that write-up is going to get ripped up here in about twenty minutes. Mrs. Hinther has really screwed up this time." I gave him a hug and followed Mom as she led me through a repeat of a few weeks earlier.

Once my face was cleaned up — it was still incredibly red — she walked with me to band class. Mrs. Remar was surprised to see her and asked her what was going on while I got my stuff out. I heard her pretty loudly say, "She did what to her?!?" She was pretty pissed by the time all was said and done. You could tell as she got up on the podium to teach. Mom gave me a quick hug goodbye before she had to go back for her afternoon bus run.

During band I did my best to play well through all of that. We actually had a chair test that day on a scale — thankfully I could do that in my sleep though, because that’s basically the state I was in. As the bell rang, and I put my stuff up, Mrs. Remar came by and offered a hug.

"Where are you going now?" she asked me.

"I was going to go use the faculty restroom to change for practice today." I told her.

"What practice?"

"I’m trying out for the dance squad. Since there aren’t any football games this week they decided that they would do the weeklong workshop this week plus Saturday. Then they’re going to have tryouts next Friday during the school day."

"Well why don’t I walk you there to change, alright? That way I know you made it safely," she told me with a smile.

"I’d appreciate that," I told her. She did as she said she was going to and I was really happy to see Amy waiting for me there at the bathroom. I quickly changed into the clothes in the bathroom and then left with Amy to go to the gym. I’d been really concerned about what I was going to do while she was in the locker room — but was pleasantly surprised to see Kyle and David standing in the gym talking.

They were already dressed in their football gear so they had ten minutes before they would need to go to the field. Amy left me with them and telling me she would be quick.

"Tiffany what happened with Mrs. Hinther?" Kyle asked me.

"Umm… she assaulted me after not letting me call my parents or Amy’s dad… why do you ask?"

"Well everyone around school is talking about how they saw a police officer come down and escort her off the campus. She really assaulted you?" he asked incredulously.

"She grabbed me by the top of my arm and tried to yank me up out of a chair. She didn’t actually strike me, but I think that was enough." I told him, showing him where my arm was still red. I had a feeling it was going to bruise tonight.

"Maybe she’ll be gone for good?" He suggested hopefully.

"Maybe. I can only hope." I told him. He ended up asking me some more questions about our trip to get me to talk more. By the end I was almost not frowning — I definitely wasn’t smiling still — but he seemed to help me be more at ease with myself. I could feel myself coming off of my adrenaline high and I was starting to shake.

Amy was out of the locker room a few minutes later and we headed to the cafeteria where we would be meeting for practice. "Are you ready for this?" Amy asked me.

"I think so… I’m definitely going to have more of a shot now than before camp and my dance classes." I said while looking at my shaking hand.

"I think you’re going to do fine," she told me. We waited in the cafeteria for all of the girls to gather for the tryouts. In all there were the fourteen girls on the school’s cheerleading squad and about twenty other girls including myself that were trying out.

Before practice began a couple girls came over to Amy, Ashley, Lindsey and I. They asked, "What’s IT doing here?"

"She’s my friend, and she’s here to try out and beat you," Amy told them. They were stunned by her strong defense of me and left when they noticed Ashley and Lindsey weren’t budging either. Kristina also came over to me at that point too and began talking.

Coach Holt, as she was now to be called by me most of the time, didn’t spend any time at the beginning talking about stuff, she just moved right into things. She began with a lot of stretching. I was pleased to see that all of my exercises to become more limber had paid off. Only about eight other girls were more flexible than I had become by now.

After we finished stretching she began teaching us a bunch of names for moves that she wanted us to learn. I was really happy to see that they were all the same as the ones that we’d been learning in the dance class. I could already see that there were some girls who didn’t stand a chance of making it. They couldn’t even do the most basic of steps that she taught everyone.

After the first hour of practice she told everyone to go get a drink of water and use the restroom if they needed to. I did need to, but decided just to wait since I didn’t want to go all the way down the hall to the faculty restroom by myself. Amy and I just got a drink and came back into the cafeteria.

For the next hour after that break she taught us a dance in slow motion that we were going to have to do for our tryout. After working on it in slow motion count by count for fifty minutes or so she said, "Alright, just for kicks let’s see if anyone can do it with the music."

We were all lined up in three lines across the floor and started in the first pose. As I heard the opening beats to start the song I concentrated with all of my might to remember everything. I kept counting in my head, 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8, over and over again so that I could keep with the music. At the end of the routine I found myself on the ground with my legs in splits and my head down in the final pose.

"Nice job ladies," Coach Holt said and I allowed myself the luxury of looking to see who else had made it.

Only four others… all of them my friends I noted. Kristina, Amy, Ashley, and Lindsey. Most of the rest of the girls looked shocked and stunned by two things; one, how bad they had done, and two how well I had done.

"Okay gather around ladies!" Coach said to us. We all sat down on the ground around her panting as we had just worked our tails off. "So, now you all have an idea of what we’re going for with this group. You’re going to have to do that routine and another one that you come up with for the tryouts. If you don’t have a routine of your own already, there are some on top of the table behind me, along with practice tapes. If you take one please get me a dollar so I can replace the tape. I’m also going to want you to do a couple basic cheers that we’ll teach you tomorrow. This group is going to mainly be about dancing — especially once the football season is over — but I do plan on any girl that makes it cheering with the cheer squad for the rest of the season. After that then it’ll just be this group that practices each day."

"My goal is for us to go compete at a state-level competition in January, and to compete in a national competition in February, after we win at the state level!" She began handing out some packets of information then, "the cost for being on this squad is going to be two-thousand dollars this year. That’ll cover your uniforms and outfits plus travel expenses. We’re also going to spend four days down in Las Cruces at the university there during Christmas Vacation to get worked up towards the competitions."

"If the costs are a problem, please do speak to me after practice — we will try and do a couple fundraisers to help out. I don’t want anyone not on the squad just because of money issues. I do want to talk about something else though before I dismiss you."

"Would all of these girls please stand up? Amy, Ashley, Tiffany, Lindsey, Kristina." She paused for a second while we stood up. "All five of these ladies made it through the routine at full speed their first time of trying. I want you all to notice that Tiffany is in this group. Realistically Tiffany was almost perfect when she did it ladies, and if she does that well next Friday she’s going to make the squad."

Why was she saying this? Wasn’t this probably going to cause her problems?

"I’m saying this because I hope that she makes it with as hard of a worker as I know she is — and if any of you have a problem with being on the same squad as her — don’t bother showing up tomorrow. I’m sick of seeing people doing stupid things today. If you’re going to be one of those girls I don’t want you here. We’re going to do well at our competitions, but only if we act as a team. Begin now. If I see anyone act out towards anyone else — not just Tiffany — you can plan on not being on the team. Am I clear?"

There was a chorus of "yes ma’am’" before she dismissed us. I was pretty embarrassed at this point. I was also kind of scared that she may have just made things worse and kind of shrunk away towards my bag before I heard, "Tiffany would you please come here a moment?"

"First of all really nice job today! I can see why Coach Clemens thinks I should be taking you on the squad. Keep up the good work."

"Thanks Coach," I told her.

"Next, I know you may think that I was out of line there at the end, but I had to say it. The locker room talk was particularly vicious about you earlier and I wanted it stopped. You helped out a lot with that by knocking the socks off of almost everyone else today. Make sure you keep it up though — I have a feeling a lot of the other girls are going to come back more prepared tomorrow."

"Okay. Thanks Coach," I said as I grabbed my stuff, a tape of the routine music, and headed outside where my mom was waiting. It was nice to see the protestors were gone.
 
 
Chapter 33
 
 

"HOW DID PRACTICE go?" She asked me hoping that things had at least gone a little better since she’d left.

"It went well. I’m one of the better girls in there — well at least for today. We’ll see if that lasts or not." I told her. "What happened with Mrs. Hinther though?" I asked her the question that was really on my mind.

"Well we filed charges on her for assaulting you, Mr. Hancock got the write-up against you torn up, and he went ahead and filed a lawsuit against her and the district for what’s been allowed to go on the past couple weeks." She said. "He did tell the district that he would be inclined to drop the suit against them if she was removed as principal." She paused, "Since she was escorted off of campus today I have a feeling they’re going to cut her loose."

"Really?" I asked. I had begun to think of her as ninety percent of the reason things had gotten so out of hand this past week.

"That’s what they came over the bus yard’s radio system and said earlier while I was driving. She’s not allowed on school property without an escort until further notice. You can’t tell anyone that though okay? They’ll find out from other people — but we can’t give her any reason to be able to file a countersuit against us." She told me.

"I won’t. But at least maybe I’ll be done with dealing with her!" I said excitedly.

"Maybe."

"So what are we doing now?" I could see it was about six.

"Well I need to get you home for you to shower and get dressed back nicely. Once you do that Mr. Sanders is going to have a crew interview you here about everything that is going on."

I suddenly got really nervous. "Will they just make me out to be a freak?" I asked her. The way the rest of the media had made me out to be I was scared.

"No sweetie, he’s not going to let that happen. He’s also going to run a copy of the interview off, just like it’s going to air, and bring that by here before they put it on tonight."

"Okay," I said — still incredibly nervous. We drove home and I took a quick shower before changing into the skirt and blouse that I had bought at Bloomindales. Mom apparently had gone over to Amy’s house that morning after her run and picked up all of the stuff that we’d been forced to just leave there. Knowing that I had this today she had made sure they were both ready to wear.

I spent as much time as I thought I could get away with doing my hair and adding a little bit of makeup. I know Mom wouldn’t want much… but a little bit would keep me from looking like a pale ghost on camera. I had learned that this past weekend. When I stepped out of the bathroom Mom said I looked great. She had also taken some time to make herself look nice, and so had Dad, who had gotten home while I’d been in the shower. Mr. Sanders and the crew from his station arrived about ten minutes later.

The crew began setting up in our living room. I recognized the cameraman from when we worked on our project at the station. He was pretty friendly and said ‘hi’ to me as he worked to set up several microphones and plugged them into the camera. In the meantime Mr. Sanders introduced me to the lady that was going to do the interview. Her name was Tina, and she didn’t look like she was all that old. The two of us talked for a little while, making little small talk as she tried to make me feel comfortable around her.

While she was talking to me I could feel my stomach grumble. I was starving. I didn’t really eat lunch, and after practice I’d been immediately thrown into this.

Mr. Sanders and Mom both talked off to the side about something before she ran off to go grab something down the hallway.

I didn’t see her return though because the cameraman had a microphone he wanted me to attach to my blouse. Before I knew it both of my parents had sat down next to me and Tina began to ask me a lot of small questions. Things like how I liked school and what I liked to do outside of school. She didn’t even mention the reason she was there for the interview yet, she just kept it nice and friendly.

To answer her I explained that I really liked English, Science, Band, and Choir. I told her the last two classes were my favorites. I also told her that I was hoping to make the new dance squad at school. She asked some follow-up questions to those like what instrument I played and what part I sang. I think she was a little surprised when I answered ‘soprano’ for choir, but she didn’t comment on it. Eventually we talked about some of the problems that I’d been having in school during last year, and she used that as her link into her real questions.

"Tiffany, when did you first come to the conclusion that you were not a boy?"

That was a loaded question. I didn’t really want to tell her about Liza’s comment that started the chain reaction... I was suddenly really glad I hadn’t eaten anything — my stomach was now doing summersaults.

"Well I guess it was about a year ago that I really realized something was wrong. Honestly it’s built up from when I was little, but something happened at school one day that started me thinking about it. I’d always fit in better with the girls — the things they did were more like what I did. That’s a lot of why I think I was picked on so much as Brandon. It was like a light switch for me one day — I realized I must really be a girl… I just had the wrong body. From there I didn’t know what to do. I imagined if I had longer hair I might be able to look more like what I am. Several months later when it was longer people started to think I was a girl dressed as a tomboy. My best friend eventually figured things out, followed by both sets of our parents, and before I knew it they were being supportive in helping me be who I am."

"How did the kids at school react when you came as Tiffany?" She asked me next.

I was still pretty calm to this point as I answered her, "Well the first day most of them didn’t even know who I’d been. Until one student decided to tell everyone in my second to last class, I was just the new girl everyone was trying to meet. After that things got bad with a small number of the students. Two of them tried to assault me the next day, and others began leaving threatening notes here and there, making rude comments, stuff like that. But for the most part, everyone either stayed my friend or just didn’t talk to me."

"This has changed unfortunately hasn’t it?" Tina asked.

I nodded, pushing back the tears. "Last week, before we left on the trip, I started to see more and more threatening notes everywhere I turned. I told the principals who I thought it was, but they never did anything about it. Finally, the day before we left on the trip, my friend and I had graffiti all over our lockers. It was really bad." I said with a sniffle.

"I had a really good time when we left on our trip Thursday — things were great on the trip. Yesterday, when we got back home though, everything began crashing in. First, we had all of the news media trucks in front of my house. Why? Just because I was different? Because I was a great story to make the community angry with? Thankfully Mom and Dad got me away from there before anything could happen last night. But seeing the letters from the newspaper and bits of the news stories on the TV stations was awful. These people didn’t even know me! They’re just assuming that I’m a bad person. And the things they’ve said about my parents?!"

I actually was almost at full blown tears at the moment. I could see a lot of compassion in Tina’s face. Just about when I didn’t think I could go on anymore I felt my mom grab my right hand and hold it. It gave me just enough strength to say the worst of it. "And the worst part…" I paused to breathe before I started sobbing, "the worst part was when girls that I considered to be friends decided to turn their backs on me. Just because some adult told them that I was a freak or something worse, they shouldn’t be friends with me. I can take a lot, I always have, but losing good friends… I can’t take much more of that. Especially — without a good reason. And, this isn’t one."

"Look, I don’t expect everyone to go out of their way to be friends with me. I understand people fear what they don’t know, and I’m something they don’t understand at all. I just want people to let me be who I am and to let me become the best girl I can be. Whether that is in school, in band, or even on the dance team, I just want people to give me a chance." I said while wiping away tears that were coming down my face.

"Tiffany thank you so much for letting me talk to you today. I feel privileged to have been able to do so. I hope this story helps you out." At this point the camera turned to face her again and she did an exit tag with her name and the station. The cameraman turned the light off of the top of his camera and began to break everything down.

Mr. Sanders had already talked to us about their announcements about the story. It was going to be a special segment at 10, and they were going to run the full thing again on the morning newscast and the noon news. With as much of a story this had become, even statewide now, it was probably going to be a big ratings boost for them. I was okay with that — at least they were trying to help me out.

While I’d made a conscious decision to not look at the newspaper, a decision ruined by all of the kids pasting them everywhere, I knew almost everyone in the area had their opinion about me. I hoped maybe this would help people change it — or at least make a more informed decision. Mom gave me a hug and touched my nose gently to try and get my attention. I wrinkled it in response but came back to the real world. The crew was just leaving and Mr. Sanders was talking to us.

"I’ll have a copy for you guys to look at here in about two hours," Mr. Sanders said as he left.

"Thanks for your help," my mom said.

"Anytime. We’re also going to run information about Mrs. Hinther’s attack on Tiffany today as well. That’ll be the second part of the story."

"Could that land us in trouble in the form of a lawsuit?" She asked.

"No. We found out all of the information about that from other sources. We’re going to even protect you by saying that you wouldn’t confirm or deny that while the investigation was pending."

"Good." My dad said. He had run to the restroom really quickly while they had been packing up the equipment.

"Anyway I need to get going. I’ll come back by around nine-fifteen, okay?" He asked.

"Sounds good." Mom said.

"Bye Mr. Sanders," I said as he left.

"Oh crap!" I exclaimed after he left.

"What Tiffany?" My dad asked.

"Mom did you let them know I wasn’t coming to gymnastics tonight?"

"Yes sweetie. Tara said she understood and would see you next week. She also told me to tell you ‘good luck,’ with everything." That made me feel good. At least one person wasn’t freaking out. I had never told Tara about me — but she had to have found out from the news this weekend.

"Good. Can we get some food now?" I asked.

"What do you want?" She asked.

"…Burger King?" I replied.

"Joe do you mind running there?" my Mom asked Dad.

"Do you have some cash?" he asked.

"Yeah in my purse let me get it," she said.

He left for a bit and I started unpacking all of the things from the trip. Mom had left my one new stuffed tiger at Amy’s house by accident — she didn’t know I had slept with it in Amy’s room last night — but everything else found a home in my room somewhere. I put my new jeans in the washer and made sure that the dress I had worn today was machine washable before putting it in the washer too. I didn’t see any reason why they couldn’t be washed together.

I then came out of there and went back to my room to do the little homework I had. Most of my teachers had waved off the makeup work that I hadn’t done on account of everything else going on. I had finished the homework by the time Dad came home with the food.

I was so hungry I ate my whopper and fries in like five minutes. My parents just kind of stared at me funny for a moment. "I was hungry since before the interview, don’t look at me like that," I told them. They just let it slide. About the time that we finished I heard the doorbell ring.

"Joe would you go get it?" Mom asked.

"Yeah," he told her. "Tiffany stay in the kitchen unless we tell you to come in — just in case it’s more reporters or something."

I didn’t know what the something might be — but I could imagine it being bad.

Thankfully it was something else, but just not something overly bad. It was one of the members of the family that owned the company my dad worked for. Karen had always been really nice to all of us, even going so far as to give me Christmas presents before. Dad said, "Tiffany come on in here if you don’t mind."

"Karen this is my daughter Tiffany," my dad said as I came up to them.

"Tiffany you’re very pretty. Your dad had said you were when I asked him about you today — but I never dreamed you would be this pretty. I love your outfit." She told me.

"Thanks." I said.

"So what brings you here Karen?" My mom asked as she came in.

"Well I wanted to see how you were all doing. Joe had given us a heads up about what was going on a couple weeks ago — and when we saw the press go nuts while you were out of town we were kind of worried. Plus, I wanted to meet Tiffany."

I smiled at that. "So you’re okay with this?" I asked her.

"You know I hate to admit it, but if you’d been really ugly I probably would have had a problem with it… but you’re as pretty if not prettier than most girls your age — so yes, I’m okay with this."

"Thanks," I said. I could see her logic. If I looked like a freak then there might be more room for concern there — but as things stood I didn’t.

"Though now that I know Joe has a daughter your age that is reliable you may have to come babysit for me sometimes." She told me.

I knew she had an eighteen month old daughter and a four year old daughter who were both very energetic. I also knew they would be able to afford to pay even better than the Linds, so I said, "Okay," with a smile on my face.

She stayed and talked with us for a half-hour or so before heading back home.

"So your job is safe Daddy?" I asked.

"As far as I know. With Karen being okay with this I should be fine. Thank you for asking sweetie," he told me. I think he was somewhat surprised that I had put those pieces together. It’s not like I was five though — he should have known I would.

"Good," I replied.

We ended up watching TV for another hour or so until Mom sent me to go get my pajamas on. My parents were going to let me stay up and watch the interview on the news — but I had to be ready to go to bed. Around nine-thirty Mr. Sanders stopped by to show us the clip.

It was really strange to see this girl — who was me — sitting there and talking on camera. I wasn’t used to looking at myself like that and found myself being a little self-conscious afterwards. The interview came off well though I think — and we gave them the go ahead to air it that night. Shortly after Mr. Sanders left I heard the phone ring.

"Tiffany it’s for you," Mom said.

"Hello?" I said into the phone a moment later.

"Hey Tiffany, this is Ashley."

"Hey, what’s up?" I asked her.

"Not much. I just wanted to tell you I think you did a really good job in the interview. Dad just showed it to me and I think it should help out a lot."

"I just hope it doesn’t make things worse. If it makes things better then that would be a step-up from where things stand now."

"I think it will Tiffany. Anyway Dad is pushing me to go to bed — so I’ll talk to you tomorrow okay?"

"Okay, thanks for calling Ashley."

We hung up and I felt a little bit better about myself. Between Karen stopping by, Ashley calling, and my own thoughts on the interview I was hoping tomorrow might very well improve. It seemed like I had hardly put the phone down than I heard our doorbell ring again.

I stayed in the kitchen where I was talking while Mom went to go check it again. Thankfully I heard a voice that made me feel even better. I didn’t even bother waiting for them to okay this one, "Amy what are you doing here?" I went out to the living room. Her mom was also with her.

"Well I talked my parents into letting me come over here and spend the night." She told me.

"Yay!" I said.

"You’re okay with it right Mommy?" I asked her.

"Melanie wouldn’t have brought her over if not," she told me. "You’ll still take them to school in the morning right?"

"Yeah, I’ll be by at seven-forty girls. Be ready to go okay?" she told us.

"Okay!" we said as she left. Amy and I went to my room and pulled the trundle bed out from underneath my bed.

As we finished getting the bed ready for her I said, "Thanks for coming over Amy. I really appreciate it."

"I was worried about you, with everything that happened today, so I thought the least I could do was see if I could spend the night here." She paused for a second, "I know last night and today were really hard."

I gave her a hug. She put on her own pajamas and then we went out to the living room to wait for the news to start. While we were waiting Amy and I talked about the practice and how things had gone that day. "Tiffany you did really well today. I could see you out of the corner of my eye and you were right on with everything!" She told me.

"Thanks Amy. I don’t doubt at all that you’ll make it. I’m just hoping that I will too."

"Coach Holt all but told everybody today that you would!"

"Yeah… but with my parents filing the lawsuit against the district I’m afraid that somewhere someone is going to get even."

"I don’t think it’ll happen soon though — and not with this. You’re going to do too well on the tryout," she told me.

"Say we have like ten minutes — have you gone through the routine since you got home?" I asked.

She shook her head, "I had too much homework to do — and I was trying to unpack."

"You want to run through it real quick? I have a tape player in my room to play it through."

"Sure," she said as we stood up to go into my room. With the trundle bed pulled out there wasn’t a lot of room to dance in there — but we somehow made do. Mom must have been watching through most of it as we ran through because she clapped for us when we were done.

"Great you two. I think you’re both going to do fine next week."

"I hope so." I said.

"Come on out to the living room, the news is about to start."

I don’t remember ever being that excited to watch news before… Actually it wasn’t excitement so much as anxiousness. When we’d watched our interview in May about our project that had been exciting — this was nerve racking. We watched through the opening intro, five minutes of local news, three minutes of national news, and then they got to the ‘special report.’

The anchorwoman began, "Ladies and Gentlemen last Friday a letter to the editor appeared in the newspaper here in town. This letter was written with one purpose, and one purpose only, to create an incendiary and hateful movement against a local girl. The letter’s sole argument for doing so was that she was not born biologically as a girl and is transgender."

"Several local news stations began investigating and aired reports on this young lady. One station in particular, irresponsibly chose to violate her privacy and air her name and an old photo. From there several stations then chose to camp out at her house and attempt to create a public fervor just to increase their nightly ratings. I am ashamed to say that our station did air a report that night — though we chose to hold off on the young lady’s name. Given everything that has happened to this young lady on account of the local stations’ irresponsibility, we would first like to formally apologize for airing a report in the first place."

"This young lady, Tiffany, was gracious enough to sit down with a reporter from our station this evening for an interview in the hope that perhaps it will help create more tolerance and understanding about her issues. So, here is our exclusive interview with Tiffany Jacobson."

The news cut to the interview at this point and repeated the clip I had seen earlier. I appreciated their introduction — the apology was a welcome start even if I had known it was coming. Amy and I sat together on the couch watching it all pass by before the anchorwoman came back on the screen. At a couple points the video was cut away from me talking, to some images of the trophies I had won this summer and the plaque we received for the film festival. At some point mom must have sat them down on top of the TV in the living room, and the cameraman had recorded some video of them. That’s not where they normally were. ‘That must have been what Mom and Mr. Sanders were talking about,’ I thought to myself eventually.

"Again our apologies to Tiffany. We hope that the community will take a closer look at how they treat her in the future."

The anchorman took over then, "Yes Karina, by the way, I’m sure you saw the plaque and trophies in the interview. Tiffany and three of her friends were just presented plaques for being ‘Outstanding Young Filmmakers’ at a prestigious film festival in New York last week. They made the film in our very own studios with Tiffany directing it. Their film was the warm-up for the main event on Friday night."

"Her parents must be very proud of her Mike. All of us that have met her recognize what an outstanding young lady she is. We wish her well in the future and hope that people will treat her with the respect she deserves."

The anchorman continued, "In other news we have learned tonight that a principal at a local middle school was arrested and escorted off of campus for allegedly assaulting a student. The principal, Mrs. Carol Hinther, allegedly refused to let a student speak to her parents or her attorney. When the young lady sat down in the office to wait for someone to arrive to speak for her, Mrs. Hinther allegedly tried manhandling the girl."

"The school district had no comment on the matter, but did confirm that Mrs. Hinther is on paid administrative leave pending an investigation into the matter. We have also learned that assault charges were filed on the principal by the parents of the girl involved. This station is choosing not to release that students name as she is a minor."

"Continuing on this evening we had a bizarre…"

"Maybe things might actually work out." I said to no one in particular in the living room after that.

Mom sent us to bed at that point telling us, "You do have school tomorrow girls, please don’t stay up all night talking."

"We won’t," Amy told her.

In fact we didn’t. We spent maybe five minutes talking about how it should hopefully help out a lot without Mrs. Hinther being there. After that we both crashed. From today alone I would have been tired enough to sleep easily… but combined with the trip and last night’s nightmares, I was out like a light when my head hit the pillow.
 
 
Chapter 34
 
 
THE NEXT MORNING Amy and I got up and got ready to go to school as we were supposed to. I found myself feeling drained still — even after sleep — and hoped that this day would go better. As we pulled up to the school I saw that there were some protestors again today, but there were far fewer of them. Where it had been twenty-six or more yesterday today there were maybe ten. The ten that were out there no longer held signs directly aimed at me — today they were just about how it was a sin and that it shouldn’t be allowed in the school. It still sucked though.

Once again as we got out of the car I waved at them, ‘kill them with kindness maybe?’ I thought. The rest of the morning was more subdued than the previous day. I received several notes still, but they were not as numerous as the day before. A lot more kids had seen the news last night than I had expected. I guess it had also re-aired this morning too though, so I would say seventy percent of the kids had actually seen it. Everyone quietly talked about it though.

Lunch was the first interesting experience of the day. I was sitting down with the same people as yesterday and saw Brittany, Jennifer, and Amber all walk over towards my table. "Tiffany, can we talk to you for a second?" Jennifer asked timidly.

"Sure," I told her.

"Look… umm… Look we wanted to apologize for yesterday. We know who you are, we’ve known about you for longer than anyone else, but for some reason when the news started declaring you a freak we started believing it ourselves. We were stupid…" Amber started.

"And we’d like to apologize to you for it," Brittany finished for her.

"I’m so sorry Tiff," Jennifer said.

"Me too… Once I saw you on TV last night I realized how terrible we were — and there really wasn’t a good reason for it. If you can forgive us we promise we’ll never turn our backs on you like that again," Amber said.

"Friends?" Amber said holding out her hand to me.

I had a moment to think. I could easily stay mad at them — they’d been witches to take and stab me in the back like that. I also could be falling into a trap — what if they were planning something really nasty now? But I wouldn’t get far in life always distrusting people though so I grabbed her hand and said, "Friends."

Each of them gave me a hug and apologized again before sitting down at the end of the table. "Umm… so how was your trip?" Jennifer asked.

The conversation lightened up from there and we had a good time telling them all about the trip. No one could believe all of those things had happened. I couldn’t really blame them though since I didn’t believe it had all happened either.

"So Tiffany that producer really offered you help if you want to do another movie?" Amber asked.

"Yeah, it sounded like he was willing to even help us find funding and equipment and stuff." I told her.

"Wow… so are you going to do it?" She asked.

"I don’t know. Not right now — especially not with the dance tryouts. This spring? I could see us coming up with something for then." I told her.

"Speaking of dance tryouts I couldn’t believe you yesterday Tiffany! You were like perfect on that routine and you’d only been learning it as long as we had. How did you do that so quickly?" Brittany asked.

I shrugged. "Going to the camp really helped. We only had a couple days to learn a routine that was a lot harder than that one. Also the dance class has been helping too I think."

The day continued to get better after that thankfully. All the way through to seventh hour things actually seemed to get back to normal a little bit. Honestly I was surprised that things were calming down that fast. I was rather worried that things were going to go south really quick at some point. It didn’t happen during the day though, and the dance team tryouts went smoothly as well.

Coach Holt had continued to work on the dance routine. She also began teaching us some basic cheers and such for the girls that weren’t on the cheer squad. Between the camp and Amy showing me what they had been doing though, I already knew all of what she was teaching. I saw several of the girls that were trying out give me some frustrated glances — they didn’t know how I could have been a boy a year ago and be doing better than them at this stuff.

I was also laughing very hard inside at Danica, one of the girls that was on the squad and had come up to make fun of me yesterday, as she kept screwing up time after time on the basics. As practice came to a close Kristina came over to me with Ashley.

"Hey Tiffany we were wanting to try something new with a lift… and thought we could try it with you?" they asked.

"Why me?" I asked Kristina.

"I want to show some of the other girls that you know what you’re doing," she replied to me quietly."

"Okay!" I said.

They ended up doing a simple lift and having me jump and spin as I came down. Some of the other girls looked at me and just said, ‘wow.’ After that day I didn’t feel like there would be a really good reason for me not to make the squad.

We had rescheduled my sax lesson that day for later on in the week — it would have been right at the end of practice and it didn’t make a lot of sense to do it then. And, unfortunately I wasn’t going to be able to go to Tae Kwon Do tonight since we needed to go to the school board meeting.

So I had the joy of being hot and sweaty at five-thirty, showering quickly and eating, before going to a school board meeting at seven. Mom did her best to try and keep me in a good mood — she knew I would need to be pleasant if anything came up. Ultimately she failed, but Amy coming over just before we left helped out significantly.

I’d been to one board meeting before — that was to present our video before leaving quickly. I didn’t know what was going to happen at all tonight. We pulled up to the administration building where the meetings were held shortly after six-thirty. I had put my skirt and blouse back on after Mom had done some ironing while I was in the shower, so I looked nothing like a boy. That was my best defense in all of this.

Amy and I sat next to each other, sandwiched on either side by our parents, and waited for the meeting to start. Shortly after we arrived I saw Ms. Fitzgerald and Mrs. Manning, the two sponsors from our trip to Florida, come in. "Hey Miss Fitz!" I said giving her a hug before doing the same with Mrs. Manning. Amy did the same thing as well before taking our seats again. I didn’t have the heart to ask if they were there for me or not.

Soon after that I saw Danica and a couple other girls that weren’t going to make the dance squad — but were on the cheer team now — with parents in tow that didn’t look happy. If looks could kill I would have been dead several times over in their cases. As they took seats on the other side of the room Ashley, her sister, and her dad came in, followed closely by Nikki and her mother, Kyle and his dad, David and his parents, Kristina and her parents, Coach Holt, and most of my teachers.

I just about cried at that point — it was apparent they were all here for me. You could feel the tension in the room though. It made me feel good to know that for every one of the jerks on the other side I had two friends and parents to go against them. That wasn’t even including the teachers that had come.

I felt Amy hold my shoulder as I saw Mrs. Hinther enter the room. I hissed softly. "Amy what’s she doing here? I thought she wasn’t allowed on school property"

Mr. Hancock had heard me somehow, "This isn’t the school, and technically she’s been escorted in by a school official. There will probably be a closed session after the open meeting to discuss what to do with her — so she’s here."

That didn’t make me feel any better. Seeing Jarred and Lucas coming in with their parents only made me angrier.

The school board president called the meeting to order and had a local minister say the invocation. Following that a cute little second grade girl came in and led the group in the United States and New Mexican pledges. Everyone gave her a smile and a little bit of applause before she left with her parents. I didn’t blame them. I sure didn’t want to be here! Plus I doubted they wanted their daughter to see what was going to happen at this meeting.

The board meeting started with an approval of minutes from the previous meeting, a presidents report, a couple other reports, and finally led to an open forum. Both sides had people signed up on the sheet to talk, beginning with Danica’s equally vile parents. Her mother was the first to speak, "I wanted to come to talk tonight about the district allowing a boy to first of all dress as a girl, and second allow him to participate on a girls sports team. Tiffany…" she started to say before the president interrupted.

"Ma’am you may speak about issues you care about, but you may not bring up students by name in any case. This is for maintaining an orderly meeting, the students right to privacy, and also for your own protection against a slander suit. Please continue without names," he said coolly.

"The boy that is attempting to join the team is a sinful disgrace…" the tirade continued on until her time ran out. During which she had brought up that a boy on the girls team would screw up their ability to compete evenly.

"Coach Holt, I do have a question on that issue — though it doesn’t affect the situation she is referring to. Would a boy being on the squad cause an issue at competitions?" The board president asked.

She stood up. "No Mr. President, if a cheer squad has only one boy on the squad they are still considered to be a girl’s squad."

"Thank you for clearing that up Coach," he told her with a smile.

"Next up to speak is…" Danica’s father got up and added a tirade on top of her mother’s. I was so angry as it all went on — how dare they! After they finished then it was time for the other girls parents. I was getting really tired of this.

Ashley’s parents began their own tirade against the district for allowing the story to become so sensationalized. They also used the time to give positive points on why I should be allowed to be Tiffany, etc. The night continued on with several of my supporters, then a couple of loud idiots, several more of my supporters, more idiots. My parents and I had snuck onto the end of the list and were called last.

My parents both spoke first about the problems they had seen within the school — and how little had been done about it. They spoke about how I had the right to be who I was and how much happier I had been since I had come out as Tiffany. Well at least before this mess. They both used their time and I was allowed to speak. I had done my best to prepare my thoughts before getting up there — but I was still making it up as I went along.

I copied the beginning from some of the people like Mr. Hancock as I began, "Mr. President, Members of the Board, I would like to talk to you all tonight to give you an idea of what has been happening with me this past year. Bullying isn’t something that’s new to me. Unfortunately it is an experience for me that has been going on for far too long. No one has ever stopped it, and in some cases I believe that principals have intentionally allowed it happen."

"About a year ago I began to realize that I wasn’t a normal boy. In fact I began to believe that I was really a girl. Most of you take your gender for granted… I used to. After a lot of thinking and hoping I was eventually able to open up about really being Tiffany to my best friend — and from there things began to happen. I’ve been really fortunate to have some awesome friends and family who have accepted me for who I am."

"I do understand that there are always going to be people who won’t accept me for who I am. A couple weeks ago in history class we talked about how people fear what they don’t know. And in this case, I’m what you don’t know. So before everyone continues to scream and rant and rave about me, let me tell you about myself," I turned and faced the gallery at this point.

"My name is Tiffany Jacobson. I’m twelve years old, and I’m a girl. No my body doesn’t yet match that yet — but I AM a girl. I’m a good student and I love music, dancing, and recently gymnastics. I like to play with Barbie Dolls just like most of my friends. I believe that I am going to be able to go far and do some really cool things in the future. Everything that a normal girl does and thinks — I think. My psychiatrist has determined that and would agree with me on this."

"Look, like I said, I don’t expect you all to like me — or even accept me. But I do ask that you don’t go actively out of your way to be cruel to me. I haven’t done anything to you — and I won’t. With the dance squad tryouts this week I say may the best girls win! If I happen to be one of those girls that make the squad, it’ll be because I earned my spot by being better than the other girls. I do hope that happens. I guess that’s all I have to say. Thank you for your time," I finished and began heading for my seat.

Silence.

Clap.

Clap. Clap.

As I sat down the applause grew stronger and stronger until most of my allies and teachers were all on their feet clapping for me. I started bawling. Up front every one of the board members also stood to their feet. My parents and I embraced, followed by Amy, and Amy’s parents.

THE REST OF the board meeting went relatively swift. The members of the board all commented that I was a remarkable young LADY, and that they would be sure that I was treated better in the future. They all wished me luck on the tryouts next week. At this point the opposing parents all hissed and left unhappily. We all left at the end of the open session at about eight-thirty.

Everyone in my group seemed to think we’d won a fairly large victory. I honestly wasn’t so sure. What had been gained by this? I guess at least I knew where everyone stood now.

Wednesday came and went in much the same way as Tuesday — fairly calm. When we got to school in the morning I was pleasantly surprised to see that there were no protestors across the street. I took that as a good omen and went through my first three classes with absolutely no negative incidents — not even a single note.

Then fourth hour I got called to the office.

Going to the office recently had been about as terrible of an experience as I could have. I was not expecting this time to be any different. I was slightly reassured though when I saw my mom and Mr. Hancock were standing there.

"Hi," I said to them. "What’s going on?"

"They want to discuss what happened Monday with Mrs. Hinther." My mom told me.

"Who wants to discuss?" I asked.

"Mr. Jameson, the school board president, and the school district’s attorney."

"Okay…" I said.

We were led into that well overused conference room fairly soon after I got there. Before we sat down Amy’s dad told me quietly, "Tiffany, don’t say anything unless I tell you to. This could get interesting depending on what they’re trying to do."

I gave him a strange look, ‘what defined interesting to him?’ I thought, but nodded.

"Okay thank you for coming down Mr. Hancock, Mrs. Jacobson. We had wanted to talk to you about Monday’s incident sooner — but wanted to make sure our investigation was complete." Mr. Jameson began.

"We appreciate that," Mr. Hancock replied. "What have you determined?"

"Well mainly that Monday’s incident should never have happened. Mrs. Henry has confirmed Tiffany’s original story that the whole thing got out of hand when Mrs. Hinther refused to let Tiffany ‘record the conversation’ or contact an adult to speak on her behalf. Truthfully, we do not believe she was out of line to refuse the recording — but she went against district policies when she refused to let Tiffany call home."

"I agree with that," Mr. Hancock responded.

"Tiffany was in the wrong however when she refused Mrs. Hinther’s directive to come back to her office." Mr. Jameson continued.

"I disagree Mr. Jameson. As events later panned out Tiffany had every right to be scared that things would get out of hand without another adult present. Tiffany did the only sensible thing she could do in her situation. In no way did she cause any sort of harm or destruction to anyone or anything. She also didn’t just storm off to class — she instead sat down very responsibly in the office where she could still be monitored. I would consider it to be a very grave error on your part if you were to try and punish her for this matter." Mr. Hancock responded.

"We do not intend to push this matter at all Mr. Hancock, we are in fact going to give Ms. Jacobson a pass on this incident." He said with a nod to me. "We do acknowledge you felt cornered without any choices. I think you did choose the better of the choices here."

"Thanks," I said. Mr. Hancock had nodded that I could speak.

"Now what about the more serious of the incidents?" Mr. Hancock began. "We walked in seeing Mrs. Hinther clearly manhandling Tiffany without just cause."

"This is indeed an incident we consider to be grave and troubling Mr. Hancock. We cannot discuss any pending action against Mrs. Hinther, as it is a personnel issue, but it will not happen again."

"Well that’s not going to cut it as far as we’re concerned. The lawsuit against the district is going to stand unless we have assurances that A — Mrs. Hinther will not have any further contact with Tiffany, B — Tiffany and her mother are guaranteed there will be no retribution for this incident, and C — Tiffany will be guaranteed more protection and aid against any further bullying and harassment."

"Mr. Hancock the district will not be bullied into getting rid of an employee," the school’s attorney stated. "We brought you in here because we wish to look into settling this matter out of court. Honestly we understand that you have good cause to be concerned here and we just want to get this matter taken care of swiftly."

Okay… what was going on? They didn’t want to get rid of Mrs. Hinther? Wasn’t it in their best interest to get rid of her and not pay off a lawsuit?

"We’re listening." Mr. Hancock said.

"Your lawsuit calls for damages of Fifty-Thousand dollars, we’d like to talk about Two-Thousand dollars."

"You’re kidding right?" Mr. Hancock said. "If you really want to settle this out of court — which believe me in court you are going to lose, and lose badly — we need to talk at least Twenty-Five Thousand."

"Mr. Hancock I don’t think the court would consider someone grabbing some by the arm worth twenty-five grand."

"No, if it was just that I would agree. However it was the pinnacle of abuse and neglect that an administrator in your district was allowed to partake in. I have notes and recordings, as do my clients, of the verbal abuse that Tiffany took in our initial meeting with you all. There were also later incidents that occurred and as such we believe that the district knowingly let an abusive administrator let Tiffany get physically and psychologically abused."

"We also have her psychiatrist who will testify as to the specific damages that the bullying she has encountered — not just this year — have caused. I can’t guarantee that we’ll get Fifty Thousand out of this, but Two-Thousand for a settlement is insulting." Mr. Hancock concluded.

The banter went back and forth for the better part of an hour — I was starving as we went into my lunch hour. I don’t even know why they brought me into the room. What was the point anyway? Arguing about a settlement amount? What was it going to change?

Finally about one o’clock they finally decided to settle for Fifteen-Thousand. I still didn’t know what the point was. I was glad to see more money coming our way, but this wasn’t something I wanted to deal with. As we walked out I asked Mr. Hancock, "does this mean Mrs. Hinther will be back here?"

"No… he couldn’t tell us that but I’m fairly certain she’s gone. The press is having a field day about it — I don’t think you saw the newspaper today but they are having fun with it. Today was all about covering the district’s liability. They needed to get this taken care of asap."

"Why? Like he said I couldn’t see the court awarding us that much money for a principal grabbing my arm."

"But like I told them Tiffany, it was more than just that. They should have done something about Mrs. Hinther after the initial meeting went so badly with her. That she was allowed to continue to abuse you and permit others to; that was the issue. The school district was in error — and we could have made the higher amount stick far easier than they liked. Between that and the bad press this made it easier to get rid of the incident."

"I guess." I said. I wasn’t real happy with the whole situation. Don’t get me wrong, the money would be nice to put into something… but it wasn’t going to change a thing.

"Look Tiffany, it’s done now — and that’s something to be happy about. For now why don’t we go get you something to eat since you missed lunch," Mom told me.

"I guess," I told her.

Mom put her arm around my shoulder and led me outside to the car. We said goodbye to Mr. Hancock — I made sure I said thank you — and then she drove me to our preferred Chinese restaurant. We just had the buffet, something that usually was good… but I wasn’t really pleased with everything that had gone on. I don’t know. Something about the lawsuit to fix things just bugged me. In the end it wasn’t fixing anything.

I did manage to enjoy the food though and Mom drove me back to school, getting back in time for sixth period English. Amy had no idea why I’d been pulled out earlier so I filled her in with a few details — telling her we really couldn’t talk about it with anyone else. When some of the other students asked I just said, ‘it had something to do with Monday.’

Thankfully class seemed to go well for me that hour and band went well also. Mrs. Remar had begun talking about a trip we were going to take to Denver this year with the top band that I was in. We were going to be starting with some sort of cookie-dough fundraiser in a few weeks. The trip was going to cost about three-hundred dollars. In Denver we would be competing against a bunch of other middle school bands — and Mrs. Remar seemed to think we could win.

She also talked about the jazz band she wanted to start having on Tuesday nights. I had no idea if there was any way I could begin to work that in — I was pretty much packed at this point. She was doing her best to get me to join though. On our most recent chair placement test I had once again been first chair. That had really made one eighth grader mad — she thought she should be first chair. Oh well…

Dance practice after school was finally beginning to feel like the fun it was supposed to be. The rest of the girls, other than Danica and company, seemed to be getting over the recent stupidity and were being nicer again. I wouldn’t say they were outright being nice though — just nicer. By the end of practice I had pretty much nailed everything that she said she was going to make us try out with. The only other girl that was ‘that on’ was Amy. I had actually snuck ahead of some of the other girls somehow.

That night I was pretty pleased with myself as I went home and got ready for my ballet lessons. At ballet that night I had my first night trying to fit in with the second level class. I was pleasantly surprised to find out that while I was behind, I kept asking questions on what stuff was, I was able to catch up with them fairly quickly. By the end of that lesson I was still behind — but not too terribly bad.

As I got home from ballet that night it was already time to go to bed — and I was ready.
 
 
Chapter 35
 
 
THURSDAY AND FRIDAY passed without any major incidents at school. Thursday night at dance class I asked Ms. Clemons to watch me do the solo routine she’d given me — she thought I was doing well at it. She actually stayed a half-hour after class ended to give me some tips — and pick on things that were wrong. It was actually way more grueling working with her than it had been at either of the last two practices after school.

Friday we didn’t have a group practice after school since we were going to practice all day Saturday. Since Amy and I were both free Friday night I ended up catching the bus to her house to spend the night. It was a pretty quiet evening where we ended up watching a movie that had just been released on video, ‘A Little Princess.’

I loved the movie — as did Amy. We actually tortured her poor parents by rewinding it and watching it again. Her mom told her dad at one point, ‘At least she’s not three anymore — making us watch the same thing five times every day.’ He shuddered as if the memory still haunted him.

Speaking of Amy’s dad — I sat down and apologized to him that night. I told him I didn’t mean to sound ungrateful the other day; I was just stressed by everything. He told me there was nothing to apologize for — he completely understood. The two of us ended up talking for a half-hour or so before Amy dragged me up to the playroom for a bit. Her mom ended up letting us stay up till about one-thirty before she forced us to our rooms.

When we woke up at seven-thirty the next morning I did feel like an idiot for staying up so late — I was so tired! Amy and I both put on our clothes for practice before her mom took us to the high school where we were having this ‘camp.’ We ended up arriving about ten minutes before we were supposed to start and looked around for someone to talk to. I noticed that Ashley was talking to a high school girl that looked a lot like her.

"Hey Ash," Amy said as we walked over to them.

"Hey Amy, Tiffany, how are you two?"

"Tired… Amy kept us up all night," I said — lying just a little bit.

"I kept us up?" Amy stuck her tongue out at me.

"Is this your sister Ashley?" I asked. I vaguely remembered meeting her at one point.

"Yeah, this is Valerie. Valerie I think you’ve met Amy and Tiffany before." She said.

"Maybe, I think. Nice to meet you two." Valerie said. "So you’re the famous Tiffany?"

"Umm… I guess?" I suggested nervously. Great was Ashley’s sister going to be mean? With the interview — and everything else — everyone knew who I was.

"Ashley’s told me that you and Amy both seem to be the shoo-ins for the squad. I’m curious to see you two work today." She told us.

I breathed a sigh of relief. We talked as a group, growing with a few girls every few minutes, until practice started. I hadn’t realized it before — but Ashley’s sister was a captain on the high school’s varsity dance squad. She was really nice — and I finally remembered that I’d met her when we’d shown our film to the parents for the first time.

Coach Holt gathered us all together to start right on time at Nine o’clock. I noticed that a couple of the girls that needed to be there the most hadn’t gotten there yet. It wasn’t ‘required’ that you attend to make the squad… but it was ‘strongly recommended.’ She actually began the morning off with a lot of slow stretching and warm-ups. For the first hour I didn’t even feel like I’d exerted myself at all.

The second hour we spent mainly working on some more cheering stuff — she made it clear again that her goal was for those of us not already on the squad to join those that were to cheer for the games from here on out. She taught a couple new things during that time — but nothing complicated. It only took me two to three times of doing it to get it right. At that point she gave us a break of ten minutes to get water and cool down a bit.

"Hey, Tiffany, right?" One of the high school girls came over to me.

"That’s me," I said with a smile. So many things could go wrong with new people.

"Nice job on the stuff so far. I’m really impressed." The girl said smiling. "By the way I’m Carey." She said holding her hand out.

"Thanks… Like you already guessed I’m Tiffany."

"So how long have you been working on this stuff?" She asked me as I was trying to figure out if it would be kosher to go into the girls restroom or not.

"Since this summer." I told her.

"No way!"

Amy came up to us about then — she’d been filling up her water bottle. "She’s telling the truth. You wouldn’t know it from how well she’s doing though."

"Well that’s cool," she told me. "Anyway I need to get back in there to help one girl — but I just wanted to tell you to keep up the good work." She said.

"Thanks!" I told her.

As she walked away I asked Amy, "Do you think she knew about me?"

"Definitely. There’s not a person in town that doesn’t after all that’s been in the news."

"She was really nice…" I said off to space. I was expecting to have more people come out of the woodwork to cause problems with me at any given moment. "Umm… Amy?"

"What Tiff?"

"I really need to use the restroom… but I don’t think they have a faculty one around here." I said. We were in the corner area of the cafeteria where the high school’s dance squad normally practiced. There were gates up blocking access to the rest of the school.

"Let’s just go to the girls room like you do every other place except when you’re in school." She said while grabbing my arm.

I was too stunned to say anything. The two of us went into the girl’s restroom like everything was normal to do so. When we came out I realized first that nobody seemed to care and second, just how much of a pain it had been so far this year to use the faculty bathroom every time. It was so stupid that I couldn’t just use any of the normal girl’s rooms. Maybe I would push for that next year? This year would probably be too soon. ‘One battle at a time,’ I told myself.

Amy must have realized that I was still thinking about all of this. "Look Tiffany if you make the squad we’re going to have to start doing something different for you anyway. We can’t be trying to find a special bathroom for you everywhere we travel as a squad. There’s no way you can go into the boy’s bathroom — you’re a girl. Besides, we have stall doors to keep anyone from peeking in anyway. There’s no real reason why you can’t just use the girls room."

"I know… I just don’t want to give people any more opportunities to attack me." I said.

"You’ve gone through a lot Tiffany, but trust me on this. I think if you just started going into the girl’s room at school no one would even notice." Amy told me.

About that time we had to get back ready to go for other activities. We ended up spending the next hour-and-a-half doing teamwork building activities. Many of them were the same as at cheer camp. We also did trust falls and some other games.

At lunchtime they brought in some pizza for all of us before getting right back into the hard work session. We began the afternoon session by doing the dance routine three times straight through so that the High School girls and Coach Clemons could watch how we were doing. Between the second and third times I saw Coach Holt and Coach Clemons talking, smiling, and pointing at me. That made me feel good — but I almost missed the first counts for the third time — thankfully it was just almost though.

After we finished that run-through they divided us all up with different girls from the high school. It ended up being about two girls for every one high school student. Amy and I ended up with Carey who found plenty of things to get onto us for still. It was a lot of fun though, and by the time we rejoined the group I thought I had gotten better at a couple of things. Mainly some of the transitions between moves were what kept giving me trouble.

Coach Holt worked us ‘til we were exhausted. Around four in the afternoon, she had us all join up in a circle around her. "Nice job today Ladies!" She said. "I’m really looking forward to the tryouts on Friday. I spoke with Mrs. Henry yesterday — we will be having them during the school day and telling you the results before you go home from school. Those girls that do make it will need to get me at least a two-hundred dollar deposit by the next Wednesday following tryouts."

"We’re going to need that money so that we can get at least one uniform ordered for everyone. I’m going to go ahead and place the order on Friday after I get sizes from those that make it. So if for some reason you don’t think you can do that, please let me know before you try out."

"Next. This week we have to get back to normal cheerleading practices so that we can be ready for the game on Thursday. I’m not going to require it, but any girls that aren’t on the squad may come and practice with us Monday through Wednesday. It would be a good thing for you to do; so that you’re not so far behind if you do make it." She said.

For whatever reason when she suggested this she had been looking straight at me. I definitely felt a hint being flung at me. Of course… all that being said I still didn’t know if I was going to make it or not. I felt sure that I was doing really well — and that I could be one of the better people on the squad… but what if other politics came into play? Last year Mrs. Hinther had caused more than enough problems with some of the other girls that were trying out now. With so many people out to get me, would more of that happen now?

I went home with Amy that night — my parents were okay with me staying over there again. I think with as much as I’d gone through this past week they decided that asking me not to be with Amy might have caused more problems than it was worth. That night after we got to her house we got a surprise though — pictures! Everyone had been so busy this week that no one had gotten their pictures developed from the trip and my birthday party yet. Amy’s mom had gotten theirs developed — and my mom had dropped off ours there too.

After the two of us showered, Amy and I ended up scrapbooking most of the night and just enjoying hanging out with each other. We stayed up far too late that night, but were allowed to sleep in Sunday ‘til eleven… so it was a good day.

Sunday and Monday both passed by very quickly, and without any real incidents. I went to the cheerleading practice Monday after school and found myself having a lot of fun. I ended up being on top of the lifts as much as anything — I was by far the shortest and lightest girl there. Thankfully with all that I had learned at cheer camp I managed not to be the reason that I fell. Actually they only dropped me twice that day. During practice I picked up on most of the things they were already doing pretty quickly. I wrote down what cheers I didn’t already know from Amy teaching me before leaving that night so I could memorize them at home.

Tuesday was supposed to be the first Jazz Band practice at night. Unfortunately I had Tae Kwon Do that night… and Mom didn’t want me to get out of it. The day had gone by great except for Mrs. Remar doing her best to get me to come to the Jazz practice that night. "I’ll see what I can do… If I get done early I’ll try and make it here," I told her. Jazz was supposed to be from seven-thirty to nine, Tae Kwon Do was supposed to be from seven to eight-thirty… things didn’t line up too well realistically.

I got dressed for Tae Kwon Do and left with Mom. We picked up Amy, and got there a little bit before seven. As we came in the instructor came over to us and asked, "May I see you in my office?"

We of course agreed, wondering what it was about. Of course I should have known what it would be about. "I’m sorry to do this… but I’m going to have to ask Tiffany to find another place to study. I’ve had several people threaten to pull their kids out if she stays… its just business." He said.

Mom didn’t even stay to listen to the rest of it. She just turned around and walked out the door with Amy and I right behind. I heard him say as we walked out, "Amy can stay…" of course he didn’t realize it was a package deal.

Mom was furious as she got into the car. As soon as she sat down behind the wheel I could see that she had some tears going down her face. "I’m sorry Mom," I told her.

"Why are you sorry sweetie?" She asked.

"I’m making things so difficult," I told her.

"Well you are doing that, you’re right, but it’s nothing to apologize for. We’ll find some other place for you to study. Amy I’m going to go ahead and drop you off at your house, okay?" she asked.

"Okay, that’s fine Mrs. Jacobson," Amy said. She looked over at me and gave me a faint smile. There was no question. That had sucked.

After Mom dropped Amy off I asked for her to let me swing by the house and change and then take me to Jazz Band. She’d responded with a, ‘might as well,’ comment. Honestly I was glad things worked out that way, as I really enjoyed jazz that night. The music was a lot harder than the stuff we were playing in class right now — and sounded a lot cooler. Rehearsal went quickly and Mom picked me up to take me home.

Wednesday and Thursday were a complete blur to me. Wednesday I stayed again for cheerleading practice — but it wasn’t a normal practice that day. We ended up spending a lot of time on making signs and other things for the football team and not a lot of time on practicing. We did run through all of the cheers they were doing really quickly and we even ran through the tryout routine once. But most of it was on stuff that was cheer related… but not difficult. Well not physically anyway. The girls all made fun of how badly I painted signs… but that was another story! Ashley in particular declared me ‘hopeless,’ when it came to painting. I still had paint on me when I went to ballet that night.

Thursday passed by quickly and I found myself being picked up by Dad at the end of the school day to go to my first appointment with Dr. Reynolds in a few weeks. We talked through a lot of what went on the last couple weeks — especially the incident with Mrs. Hinther. She seemed to be very concerned about that incident and wanting to make sure I thought I could still trust adults.

She seemed genuinely excited with the progress I was making with the dance squad. I think she believed that it was going to be a big milestone if I made it. She also tried to set me up to accept it if I wasn’t taken on the squad. She pointed out that they might not want to take me just because of all of the issues that could and would come up. If I hadn’t been nervous before, her talk sure made me that way.

I did feel a bit better about myself after talking to her though — she seemed to think I was making good progress. I hoped that it was good enough that she might be willing to put hormones up for discussion later this fall. I knew it wasn’t normal to start them at my age… but that didn’t mean I wasn’t going to try.

With that meeting done I went home to eat and change before going to dance class. All of the girls there had since figured out who I was. For whatever reason none of them had said anything last week — but this week the one girl that had asked me about me came up to me before class started. "So Tiffany… when I was asking you about that kid a couple weeks ago… I didn’t know it was you. I wanted to apologize if I came off rude. I never would have dreamt that you weren’t really a girl." She told me.

"It’s okay… but I really am a girl — I just have a problem with some parts not matching up." I told her.

"That’s kind of strange, but I’d still like to be your friend if you’ll let me," she had said. From there we had a fun conversation. All of the girls were really interested in the fact that our school was starting a dance squad. Most of them were really jealous — but all of them wished me luck before leaving that night. It was a good night, and had been a good week (for the most part), and I of course went home to become a complete ball of nerves worrying about the next day.
 
 
Chapter 36
 
 
I WOKE UP the next morning shaking. I couldn’t seem to brush my hair right, I couldn’t seem to get my hand to put my contacts in my eyes right, and I couldn’t seem to stop talking endlessly either. As Amy and her mom pulled up I hoped that I looked like I could possibly be a cheerleader — I felt like I was such a mess. When I hopped in the car Amy told me, "Turn around Tiffany."

I didn’t know what she wanted but I turned my back to where it was towards her. Immediately she started gathering my hair up into a ponytail and tied it with some ribbon that she had somewhere. She tied a double bow in my hair — one with each of our school colors, before pronouncing me done.

"You look cute Tiffany," she told me.

"So do you," I told her noticing for the first time that she had done her hair like that too.

The two of us had to go through three painful class periods before we would be called out to an early lunch before the tryouts. The only thing that happened during that time actually made us feel better, was when Amy and I both got called to the office during second hour to each take a delivery of a vase with a rose in it and a teddy bear. Our mom’s had each ordered us a ‘Good luck present.’ Sooner than I liked, and yet longer than I wanted, they finally called us to be dismissed.

As I sat down with food in the cafeteria I looked around me. It was then that I knew just how tough it was going to be to get on the squad. There were fourteen girls on the cheer squad already, and all of them were trying out for the dance team. Beyond them there were also another twenty girls, including me, who were trying out that weren’t already on the squad. Realistically only five of us were likely to have a chance to make it. The rest of the spots would be filled by girls already on the cheer squad.

I did my best not to psych myself out before the tryout though. Amy and I both tried to keep each other as calm and not nervous as possible. After we finished eating (not that any of us really ate) we were allowed to go change and asked to meet in the gym. Once there we were all given a chance to warm up as a group before drawing numbers out of a hat to see what order we were going in. I got number eight and Amy got number twenty-two.

The tryouts were being judged by five people. Coach Holt and Coach Clemons were both on the panel. Two of the other judges were cheerleading coaches at other junior highs in the Albuquerque area and the other was another teacher from our school that got pulled in at the last moment — Mrs. Remar. I kind of went ‘huh?’ when I heard that — but one of the eighth grader girls told me that she used to dance as a kid. Crazy!

The panel actually made me feel like I had a fair chance. As long as politics didn’t come into play I thought I should make it. We would be going in groups of three at a time to make the auditions go faster. Coach Holt came out to give us some final instructions just before the first group went in.

"Ladies I’m very impressed with how far all of you have come since we began preparing you for this. I wish I could take all of you — but unfortunately we’re only going to take the top sixteen girls for this squad." She said the last part with what sounded like genuine remorse. "I’d like to just go over the procedure with you all one more time before we begin."

"The first thing you’re going to do is march out with the two other girls to the spots we have marked on the gym floor. Once there you will be given several cheerleading fundamentals to do. We will judge you on each of those. After the fundamentals you will do the three tryout cheers as a group. You will not be judged as a group though — just as individuals. After the cheers, you will start the group dance audition piece. At the end please freeze until I say ‘thank you.’ Once I say that you will perform your individual routine, if you have one, one at a time in order of number. I believe most of you have given your tapes to me, if you haven’t I need it now." She said with a pause. One girl quickly grabbed a tape out of her purse and handed it to her.

"When all three of you have finished that you will go back out to the hallway and wait in the choir room for everyone to finish. Ms. Beecher will be gone but the room will be kept open for you to sit in. I’m even putting a movie in on the TV so that you all can think about something other than your nerves. When all of the girls have finished you will all sit in the choir room while we tabulate the scores. When that is done we’re going to call you all back in one at a time into the gym to tell you if you made it or not. Those of you that do make the squad need to stay afterwards so we can measure you for uniforms."

What would I do if I didn’t make the squad I wondered… just go off to a corner and cry? I knew I would. She finished up with the speechmaking and asked the first three to line up to go into the gym. Once she had settled into her spot at the table she called them in and the door shut. I stood outside the door in silence.

From the outside all I could hear was the music when it started. I moved my hands and arms around in small movements practicing and reminding myself what I was supposed to do. I saw Amy doing the same thing. I heard three other songs and then those girls started coming out. I saw at least two of them crying.

That meant there was only one more group before me! I just tried to focus… If I stopped to think about everything, I knew I would start bawling. As it was I could feel my hands shaking — I held them in front of me just to verify. Yep, they were shaking. I wasn’t feeling even close to ready when those girls came out. We were lined up in the order we’d go in. Amy came over and gave me a hug and said, "Good luck Tiff," to me before I went inside.

I lined up and went through the door with the other two girls. As I marched out I saw that my spot was dead center in front of the table, and slightly ahead of the other two girls. Talk about putting the pressure on! I forced myself to smile though. I knew that there were points on the sheets for presentation — and that was part of it.

She called off a couple of things that she wanted to see right off the bat, including some jumps and splits. I just concentrated on each thing though — forcing myself not to think about how good or bad I might be doing. Before I knew it we were already onto the cheers. During the cheers I made sure that all of my movements were right and that my voice was clear and loud. I didn’t care that there were two other girls in there — as far as I was concerned I was the only one. My spot in front of them actually seemed to help out with that a lot.

Once we finished the cheers Coach Holt smiled at us and directed us to go to our starting poses for the dance. She started the music about thirty seconds after that and I just let myself go on autopilot like I had this summer. I found myself frozen in the final pose waiting for her to say "Thank you," sooner than I would have imagined.

"Thank you all." She said and I jumped back up to the attention position before walking over to where we were supposed to sit to wait for our individual routine. I hadn’t noticed who the other two girls were until that moment. Danica was in that group — and she was the first one up from our group.

If she hadn’t been so completely and totally rude to me before I might have felt bad for her. Actually I still did feel bad for her — I was human — as she did a terrible performance of a terrible routine. She seemed to never be able to get her movements synched to the beat of the music. I stopped focusing on her fairly quickly though since I didn’t have time to lose concentration. Each of our ‘solo’ routines were only one minute long, so she was done quickly.

I stepped up and got into position for mine at that point. I listened for the opening couple counts to get the beat and immediately began the routine that Coach Clemons had given to me. At the end of it I wasn’t forcing a smile anymore — I knew I had done the best I could do. I could only hope that it was good enough.

The other girl in our group was a girl name Jenna. She wasn’t on the squad yet — and likely wouldn’t be unfortunately after her performance. I wouldn’t find out until much later — but apparently she and Danica had fallen apart in the main dance routine too. I just couldn’t see it from where I was.

We exited gym and I got mauled by Amy. "How’d you do?" She asked me.

"Well I finished smiling — I think I did well…" I said, before breaking down completely into tears.

She hugged me and said she understood. I’m glad she did — I sure didn’t. I just did really well, or at least I thought I had, why was I bawling? I went from there to the choir room by myself so that she could concentrate on her own tryout. I wanted to stand there with her, but Mrs. Henry had come into the hallway to push us on to the next room so I couldn’t stay.

When I got to the choir room I saw Danica was curled up into a ball in one corner. Jenna was curled up into another, and I saw the counselor in there trying to decide if she should go to either corner. Thankfully there were no choir classes in the afternoon — so that meant that things worked out for privacy. I could hear that there was a sub in the band hall watching those students who were watching a movie. It sounded loud.

I brought my attention back to myself though as I sat down on one of the risers. I couldn’t believe it… I’d made it through the tryout! But was it enough? The fact that Mrs. Henry was sitting there in the hallway made me nervous. She’d never been the main problem for me… but I still wasn’t sure about what was going with Mrs. Hinther either. Everyone had been being closed lipped about it, and that made me nervous too.

I found myself back to worrying about the team… would I really be able to belong to a group like this? A girl who a year before had been the shortest, dorkiest, most outcast boy in school? I must have been back to crying because the counselor came over to me and handed me some Kleenex. She also offered up a bottle of water to me which I took and found out I was thirsty.

A while later I saw Amy come in with mixed emotions of her own, I jumped up and ran to hug her. The two of us sat and blew off some of our tension by talking to each other till we were just about feeling normal. Right about that time the last group of girls that were trying out came into the choir room. All of the girls alternated between being silent, crying, and in one case laughing uncontrollably. Apparently when Robin got nervous she just laughed, and laughed, and laughed until she looked like she was going pass out. That was a good mix with the hiccups I found myself enduring about that time.

No one said or did much for the next thirty minutes while they were putting together the list for the team. After that time passed they asked each of us one by one to go to the gym. Somehow the counselor and Mrs. Henry had a system worked out so that no one came back to the choir room when they were done. What happened if you were accepted? What happened if I got rejected? I found myself wondering that — and stuck wondering that for a very long time. We were well into seventh hour — almost to the end of it when Kristina was called, and it was just Amy and I left in the choir room.

"Amy… Why are we the last two? We didn’t go last…" I told her.

"I don’t know Tiff… I’ve been feeling like I need to throw up for the last fifteen girls."

About that time the counselor said, "Tiffany, you’re next."

"Good luck Tiff," Amy said.

"Same to you Amy. I’ll see you wherever they’re stashing us." I said.

I walked the distance from the choir room to the gym. Before I’d always thought it was just a few steps, no big deal, but now it seemed like the gym was a mile away. Mrs. Henry opened the door for me and I saw the Kleenex box propped on the table. Did that mean I didn’t make it?

I was shaking badly by the time I found my way into the chair that was in front of the table of judges. Coach Holt took the lead on speaking, "Tiffany, you’ve never done anything with cheerleading before this summer — and a lot of times I could tell that in practice. But after only a couple times through, you were doing it better than the veterans. If every girl on the squad worked as hard as you do we could have a really great team." Did that mean I made it?

"You easily performed the most difficult solo routine of any girl today. I was surprised by how difficult the routine was, and how well you did on it. It was really amazing. You even looked like you were having fun doing it — by far one of the hardest things to pull off. All that being said, do you think that you can function on the team with things like changing rooms?"

"I’ll do anything I can Coach Holt. I ask that you not let the fact that I have some stupid extra parts prevent me from being on the team. I am a girl — regardless of those."

"Tiffany, I have to say I believe you. And, that’s why I’m pleased to tell you that you made the team." She said with a smile.

"Really?" I asked timidly. I wasn’t sure I’d heard correctly.

"Really. We’ve been calling girls into here in order of their scores. You had the second highest score. You easily blew away almost every other girl — you should be very proud of yourself." She said.

"Congratulations Tiffany," Coach Clemons said to me. "You did even better today than you did last night."

"Very nice job," Mrs. Remar also said as I went over to each of them and gave them a hug to say thank you.

One of the coaches from another school told me, "If you ever want to go another school, let me know. I’ll put you on the squad right away."

"Thanks," I told each of them.

"Tiffany, I would tell you to go down to where the other girls are being held to measure and be picked up by your mom… but I think you would probably rather wait off to the side for Amy right?" She asked.

"Please?" I asked.

"Sure. I don’t want her to see you until afterwards though. Go wait beside the bleachers on that side." She said pointing to the other side of the gym.

"Thank you!" I said with a big smile. I grabbed a Kleenex off the table quickly and went to where she asked.

I watched the same routine happen with Amy — apparently it was a tradition at our school (except the order thing) and when they told Amy she made it I ran over there to give her a hug. I was a little confused though — they had told her she had the second highest score too. And they’d gone in order, and she was the last girl. What was up with that?

"Okay Amy I asked Tiffany to stay for another reason I didn’t tell her about. Both of you had the second-highest score because you both scored the same. I think I know the answer to this, but, could you two both work together well as co-captains?"

"Captain?" I asked. Amy’s voice was mixed in with mine.

"Yes, Captains." She said. "It’s a big responsibility. We went back and forth debating on one or the other. We didn’t really want to make one or the other so we decided both. Are you okay with that?"

"Yeah!" We both said and hugged each other.

"Good, that will work out well I think," she told me. "Let me go ahead and walk you two down to the holding room and we’ll get all of your sizes done. I have a feeling both of you have mom’s waiting for you."

As we walked down the hallway I couldn’t believe it. A Captain? Me? I was a boy just a year ago. How could I possibly be a captain of a girls dance team?

As we walked down the hallway I asked Coach Holt a question, "Umm… Coach?"

"Yes Tiffany?"

"Why us, and not an eighth grader like Kristina?"

"I’m running this squad completely based on skill. If there is a seventh grader that does better than you two next year she’ll be captain. This will make sure that it’s less about grade or anything else, and more about skill." She told me.

"Okay, I guess that makes sense," Amy said. "I was wondering the same thing."

About that time we arrived at the room where all of the rest of the girls were being measured and waiting. One of the school’s secretaries was helping measure the girls who made the team. As I walked in she was taking another batch to the restroom to measure them. There seemed to be just Amy and I left to measure after them.

The other girls were all in tears and standing off to the other side of the room. I felt bad as I saw some of them over there — but I was really happy to see that Kristina, Ashley, Lindsey, Amber, Jennifer, and a couple other girls who were nice to me were on the side that made it. They ran up to Amy and I, "Did you make it?" they asked.

"Uh-huh!" Amy said. Hugs were all passed around and much jumping up and down with screaming occurred. Thankfully about that time someone had the brains to get the girls who hadn’t made it out of there to another room where they could cry in peace.

The secretary was back pretty quickly for Amy and I. She took us to the bathroom and asked us to strip down to our panties and sports bra before remembering about the fact that I had some extra stuff below. "Oh I’m so sorry Tiffany…. Umm… I guess maybe I should have your mother do this? Or at least without…" She was really freaked out.

"Miss I don’t mind if Amy’s in here, and I don’t mind if you do it. I’ve got on another ‘panty’ underneath this so it’s just really like okay — you won’t see anything that might embarrass us."

"Oh… okay…" she said before continuing with measuring us. "Sorry for freaking out on you there." She told me.

"It’s okay. We’re going to have to figure out how to deal with this stuff soon anyway," I told her.

We finished getting my measurements and we got dressed. "Tiffany, Amy, I wish I had your measurements still…" She told us on the way back.

"No… I don’t have anything in the chest yet," I told her.

"It’ll come," she said. I hoped she was right, but I wondered if she understood what she had said.

The two of us got back in time to see our mothers carrying in some more balloons and a bear that said, ‘Congratulations’ on them. Both mothers got huge hugs and tears from both of us before we separated so that Coach Holt could deliver one other bit of news to the girls.

"Okay ladies, I just wanted to clear up a couple things before I let you go home early. Everyone else in school still has a half-hour left, but I think you’ve all suffered enough for one day. First remember that your deposits are due by Wednesday. I’m going to go ahead and order the first uniforms today and have them express shipped. The company says they can get them to us by Wednesday. I’m not going to show them to anyone until we get them Wednesday though — so don’t ask. It’ll be a surprise!" She said the last bit with a smile, before going on with some other details.

"And lastly I wanted to tell you who your captains are going to be for the dance team. Both of these ladies tied in their scores, and did a great job. I think they’re going to make a great team to work for you all — Amy and Tiffany will be your co-captains," She said. The other girls had a mix of expression from disappointment to happiness. Most of our friends were happy for us — I did see Kristina was disappointed. The two of us exchanged hugs though.

"You’ll be the dance team captains and I’ll be the cheer squad captain," she told us with a forced smile. "I’ll be okay with this after I cry a bit," she whispered to me.

All of us broke up and went with our mom’s home after grabbing our stuff. Amy and I were all smiles as we left.
 
 
Coda:
 
 
AFTER WE GOT home, Mom told me to go shower and change into something nice. Apparently we were going out to eat with Amy’s parents for steaks at Outback to celebrate. I did as I was told, spending a fairly long time in the shower with the warm water hitting my back. Once I was out of the shower I dried my hair and worked on it until I was satisfied it was pretty. I made sure that my dress looked alright and stared at my reflection for several minutes. I liked what I saw.

By this time mom was pretty much pounding on the door, "Tiffany hurry up!" she told me through the door.

After I took one last look I went to my room and found the necklace/earring set mom and dad had given me for my birthday. After putting them on I looked again at the mirror in my room for a couple minutes, "Stop staring at yourself Tiffany, let’s get going. We’re going to meet your dad and the Hancock’s at the restaurant," she said.

"Oh… alright," I said with a smile.

"You do look very pretty tonight Tiffany," she told me as we walked out the door.

I chatted all the way to the restaurant. I think mom was just hoping that I would shut up by the time we got there — she certainly looked tired. I was excited! Who would have ever thought I would be on a dance team? I never would have!

We pulled up into the parking lot and saw Amy’s mom’s car sitting there. "They must have already gone inside," Mom told me.

They had gone inside and had put a request in for the table. Lindsey and Ashley’s parents were also going to join us — though supposedly Ashley’s dad was running late for some reason. As we sat waiting near the bar area I saw a blip about a special report with our school in the background on one of the TV’s. Amy’s mom was on top of things and asked, "Can you turn that up please?"

The bartender did as she asked and soon we were watching a report on Mr. Sander’s station, "Today the school board accepted the resignation of Mrs. Carol Hinther, the principal at Holden Junior High. She had been under investigation for manhandling a student. The district would not comment on the status of the student, but did mention a settlement has been reached with that students’ family. No announcement was made on a permanent replacement for Mrs. Hinther — but the assistant principal will be the acting principal for the time being. In other news…"

I couldn’t believe it… "She’s really gone?" I asked out loud.

"That’s what they said Tiffany!" Amy told me — she was just as excited. We had already been on Cloud Nine; this was something way above that now. The two of us overwhelmed our poor moms for the next ten minutes until Lindsey arrived. At that point they both got some relief because Amy, Lindsey, and I formed a trio of our own.

As everyone else arrived that night Mr. Sanders asked, "Did you guys hear yet?"

We told him we had, but he was able to give us a few more details that couldn’t be said on the report. Apparently she had been given the option of quit or be fired. Under those circumstances she wasn’t stupid enough to take the second option. He’d also heard that Mrs. Henry would probably end up with the job. I thought that wasn’t a terrible outcome — at least she had stood up for me from time to time. Maybe without Mrs. Hinther there she would be more supportive.

I got a surprise a few minutes after Mr. Sanders got there and told us this — my grandparents came to dinner too! They gave me a hug and handed me some flowers and balloons with a card. I was so glad that they were being so supportive of me!

After dinner that night Mom made me come home, "I haven’t seen you hardly at all recently," she told me as her reason. We ended up having a pretty girly mother daughter weekend complete with shopping, her doing my hair, and renting chick flicks. I had a lot of fun — it was nice to spend some time with her.

By Monday the school was completely abuzz with two big stories. Number one of course was Mrs. Hinther leaving. She had never been popular with the students so that was seen as a good thing. The other big news of course was about that ‘new girl,’ as some had taken to calling me now. A lot of the cheerleaders were really pissed that two seventh grade girls had taken the title of captain for the new squad. Many were angry that I had made it at all. But mainly a lot of them were unhappy about how they had ‘unfairly’ not made it.

Surprisingly when I ran into Danica on Tuesday after practice she actually said, "Tiffany you did a really good job. If I wasn’t going to make it I’m glad that you did. You did awesome during your solo routine." The girl was human? I didn’t believe it — not after our initial problems.

That week our practices were done with an hour and a half of cheer practice followed by another hour and a half of dance team practice. It was an especially busy week because it was a game against our rivals, and the premiere of our new squad! The next week was also going to be busy since it was the high school homecoming week — and we would be invited to do a lot of the stuff with them.

The week passed by quickly and led to Thursday at half-time during the junior high football game. Like most junior high football games it was still light outside, so it wasn’t quite as nerve racking as we came up the field, but I was still plenty nervous. I knew Amy was to the right of me — and that at least made me feel better.

I loved our new uniforms that we were wearing — even more so than the ones the normal cheerleaders were wearing. Really, they were pretty similar, but instead of being white mainly, ours were black. On top of the black there was a bright blue band outlining several zigzagging bands of color. In gold lettering, with blue white and blue outlining, our mascot, the coyotes, was spelled across the front. There were other stripes of gold alternating with the earlier blue ones, at times crossing the blue stripes.

It was in a word awesome. Towards the top, above my left breast area, in smaller gold stitching my name, "Tiffany," was embroidered in a cursive stitch. I couldn’t believe that they had managed to have these made and shipped quick enough to have yesterday before we left practice. When we wore them to school today I felt like I was really special — especially when I saw the eight girls that were still wearing a white cheerleading uniform.

There was one other really cool thing about my uniform. Above my name, in a different script, was the word ‘Captain.’ Amy also had that on her uniform — we had both confessed to each other that it gave us goose bumps when we had first opened the bags they had been in!

On the football field we began the routine. It was basically the same one as we had performed for our audition, except we now had small pom-poms in our hands for it. Over the loudspeaker we heard the music begin and we all started moving as one with our routine. As we reached the end of the routine I couldn’t believe how far I had come. Who would have thought I’d ever be wearing this uniform and performing like this? And who would have ever thought that the girls would be following me as a captain? Certainly not me!

What would the future bring for me now? I now knew that I could be who I believed I was. Life was just beginning for me as Tiffany and I could only hope that it would continue as it had this past week. As I marched off the field I smiled because I knew that as Tiffany it could.

---

 
Finis Book 2

I hope you've enjoyed this book. If you're interested in an ebook copy of this work it is available at My Store at Lulu.com for a nominal fee of $3.00. Thank you all for reading. Hopefully I'll have the third book of the trilogy completed and posted here by the summer!