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Editor Note: The images used for this story were purchased and used under royalty-free license* from iStockphoto.com . ~Sephrena
Author Note: Please email me at AngelJediGirl (at) gmail (dot) com before posting this story to any other site. Posting to a pay site is prohibited.

Comments and suggestions are also welcome at the above email address.

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Sarah Carerra Book 2: Summer Medley

Chapter 2.28 - A Staple for the Holliday

There were already a number of people standing around when the limo pulled up to a door at the Staples Center. For a moment I worried that things would become complicated until a man wearing a security uniform approached the limo and opened the door. Then I saw a number of other security officers standing between the street and the door to help me get inside without anyone approaching me.

Dad was the first to get out, since we had stopped with the arena on his side of the vehicle. But he turned around and offered me his hand as I slid across the back seat and swung my legs out the door. He smiled down at me as he helped me out, and then stepped back to let the people gathered around see me. Cameras started flashing immediately, and I waved and smiled as I was escorted straight to the door.

I noticed the looks of shock and surprise on the faces of the people whom I passed. My appearance on stage today was going to be a surprise, so my presence hadn't been advertised at all.

Before I knew it, I was inside. There were more people in here too, but they only got a short glimpse of me as I was escorted straight to another door that led to a stairway. A short trip down and I was through another door onto the event level.

It immediately became apparent that I was now in a non-public zone because everyone I saw was wearing a pass of some sort, including the young woman who was waiting for us on the other side of the door.

"Ms. Carerra," she greeted us warmly. "How are you doing today?"

"I'm kind of excited," I replied, returning the smile that was on her face. I was happy to note that it appeared to be genuine. "I've never performed in a venue this big before."

She chuckled kindly before continuing. "My name is Sylvia Meyers. I'm the event coordinator for this evening. If you would follow me, I'll show you to your dressing room."

I nodded, and she started walking, slowly enough to let me walk beside her. She also pulled a pass off of the clipboard she was carrying and handed it to me.

"Please put this on. Everyone is required to wear them. You can leave it with your manager while you are on stage," she explained. I nodded and slipped the lanyard over my head and then pulled my hair through while she handed another pass to my dad.

It didn't take very long before we stopped in front of a door. She opened it and I followed her inside to a small dressing room.

"I hope this is okay," she replied, and I noted the first hint of nervousness that she had displayed in the short time since we met. I had a feeling she was worried about what I would think of such a small dressing room.

"It's fine," I replied with a smile. I knew that I would be placed in a smaller dressing room this evening. I was only going to be on stage for three songs, and my name was not even listed on the headline. Honestly, I was just happy to have a dressing room.

The relief on her face was evident, and she smiled back once again. "Okay," she said. "If you need anything, there is a list of numbers by that phone there." She pointed at a phone to let me know what she was talking about. I nodded, and she looked down at her clipboard again. "Your sound check is in 20 minutes. Someone will be by to show you the way. Then you are welcome to stay here until it is time to take the stage this evening. You can watch the concert on the TV, or you can watch any of the channels that are provided."

"Okay," I nodded my understanding. I knew what she was really telling me. She wanted me to stay in my dressing room all night unless I was needed. I didn't really have anywhere else to go, anyway.

With a wave, she was out the door and only Dad and I were left in the dressing room. I smiled at him, and then made my way to the couch. When I started this career, I hadn't realized that it involved a lot of waiting around. This time, however, I came prepared. Dad was already setting up his laptop when I pulled my book out of my purse.

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I had hoped to see Josh at some point that evening, but that didn't appear to be likely. He wasn't at the sound check like I thought he would be, and he never came by before the concert started. I had no idea where his dressing room was, so I didn't have a way to seek him out, either.

Dad and I sat on the couch and ate a small snack while watching the opening act. They were a band called the CommBats. I had never heard of them before, and their music was decent. I doubted it was something I'd listen to normally, but it was an interesting performance nonetheless.

It was when Josh took the stage that I really felt the pangs of disappointment. I had hoped that he would come by to wish me luck before we met on the stage, but it appeared he was avoiding me. If he was, then I hoped whatever was worrying him wouldn't affect the songs.

He looked as good as ever in the jeans and T-shirt he was wearing. It was almost too casual to be worn on stage, but somehow he managed to pull it off. I was dressed similarly in a pair of jeans, heels, and a more fashionable top than his tee, but it was still very casual looking. Of course Julia wouldn't let me on stage without any Glam, and I almost felt overdressed when looking at him.

It was about 45 minutes into his concert when Stephanie showed up to touch up my makeup, and not long after that when my escort showed up to take me to the stage. I followed him in silence with Dad following me.

Unlike the sound check, the arena was alive with sound as we approached the doors onto the floor. I smiled to myself as I felt the rush start to creep into my bones. When my escort opened the door, the rush intensified immensely at the sound of Josh singing and the roar of the crowd. The place was awash with energy, and I couldn't help but bask in it.

As we approached the stage, a few screams of excitement came from those sitting nearby as they caught sight of me, but I concentrated on preparing myself. I'd done this enough times that my nervousness was very weak, but it would always be there. The day I wasn't nervous to take the stage was the day I died. However, I knew that there wasn't much to be worried about. I had done this before and I would do it many times again.

Josh's song started to wind down, and a tech handed me my microphone. Even here, at Josh's concert, the white microphone gave me a rock to hold onto. Dad's gift was a constant at every performance, and I was glad that he had given it to me.

"Thank you," I told the tech before handing the microphone to my dad. I then took the security pass off and handed it to him before taking the microphone again. When Josh's song ended, I was at the bottom of the stairs ready to take the stage.

"Are you ready for something special, L.A.?" Josh's voice boomed around the arena. The roar that followed his words brought a smile to my face. I couldn't wait for my first concert. I'd forgotten what a roar like that felt like, and I was missing the much smaller, but still noisy, crowd that had been in Salt Lake City.

"These next three songs are unique to this stop on my tour," Josh continued. "I'm very grateful for the chance to sing them, and I hope that you enjoy them too."

He didn't say anything else to preamble the songs and I watched as he walked over to the side of the stage opposite of where I was. We had talked about this and rehearsed it a bit after dinner the other night. Now, I wasn't sure it was such a good idea. We were singing two love songs together, and I could feel my heart breaking already.

Josh's guitar player started strumming the opening notes of 'Lucky', causing me to realize that I was about to step onto a stage without my own band for the first time in my career. The thought depressed me instantly, but I didn't have time to reflect on those thoughts as Josh started to sing.

There was a small cheer from the crowd when they recognized the song. The anticipation levels in the arena seemed to increase, too. They knew this song was a duet, and they wanted to know whom Josh would be singing with. I stayed hidden in the shadows while he continued to sing his first verse.

I didn't have long to wait until it was my turn. I took a few steps up the stairs beforehand, but my first words were still sung while I was in the darkness off stage. When I took another step I was on the stage, and another cheer emanated from the crowd when they recognized me.

My first verse wasn't any longer than Josh's, and I had only made it a few steps into the light by the time we started to sing the first chorus together. That was when my heart faltered. As we continued to sing the long first chorus, the two of us were looking at each other, and very slowly working our way toward each other. We weaved around the stage, getting closer and closer while we sang.

By the time his second verse started we were within touching distance, and we circled each other as we continued to sing about how lucky we were to be in love together.

It hurt.

I was sure the show looked great for the fans, but staring into Josh's eyes like that was something I would never forget. As we sang about our love for each other, I hoped that I'd be able to find some indication that what we were singing about indeed was what he was feeling. But instead I couldn't read him at all. He made all the right gestures and movements, but I couldn't see it in his eyes. I started to lose what hope I had to capture his heart.

I sang through my second verse, hoping that the fans wouldn't be able to hear the pain that I was feeling. I tried to push my emotions into the song and let them drive the moment, only holding back the pain. It seemed to work.

As we finished the second chorus, and the song wound to its conclusion, I saw it.

A flicker.

There was a flicker of something in Josh's eye. We were staring at each other, inches apart at the end of the song, and I noticed something. Appreciation, friendship, I wasn’t entirely sure what it was. He wasn’t returning the love I wanted, but it gave me hope.

Unfortunately, it seemed to have the opposite effect on Josh. He pulled away from our faux union quickly, and I thought I saw a frown on his face for the briefest of moments before he turned to the crowd.

"Sarah Carerra, everybody!" he said. The crowd roared, but I barely heard them over my inner turmoil. I turned and acknowledged them with a wave.

"Thank you for being here, Sarah," Josh told me with a smile on his face. It wasn't a real smile.

"Thank you for having me," I replied. Someone near the stage burst into laughter, and I really had to battle to keep from joining him when I realized what I had said. However, the smirk on Josh's face made the entire thing worthwhile.

"Sarah has agreed to sing two more songs with me this evening," he told the crowd. "I'm so very lucky to know this wonderful woman." Then he turned back to me once again. "Are you ready?" he asked.

"Yes," I replied and we took a step away from each other.

A loud, quick beat started playing immediately. The energy in the arena increased immediately as the speed and intensity of the song far outweighed the slow love song we had just sung. I smiled despite myself, and started moving to the beat as he started the first verse once again.

The very first thing he sang was to tell me how hot I was. I almost laughed at the absurdity of what he was telling me. He might have believed his words, but that didn't mean that he wanted to do anything about it. The humor that filled this song was evident in the words, especially when they were sung between two teenagers.

I joined him on the chorus, and the crowd was on their feet dancing with us while we sang.

The song talked about the obvious attraction that we had for each other, but it also was very clear that nothing was going to happen. The crowd probably thought that it was a great fun piece, not realizing that this was our true relationship. I was certain that many of them hoped that the first song described Josh and me, but it just wasn't true anymore.

By the time the song came to an end, the arena was electric once again. There's nothing like a quick, fast, fun song to make everyone happy. I just wished I could feel the same way.

Josh walked to a table at the side of the stage to take a sip from his water bottle. After two songs, my own throat was slightly dry, but I knew I'd be okay for the last song and could get a drink after I left the stage. Besides, the feelings that had been swirling around inside of me made me want to get off the stage and go home as quickly as possible.

When Josh was finished he came back over toward me with a sly grin on his face. I wasn't sure that I was going to like whatever he had planned.

"Sarah," he said to me while speaking into his microphone. "Would you like to introduce the last song?"

Okay, that surprised me. I didn't expect him to give me the stage to talk about 'I Need You'. It was his song. Then it dawned on me. It wasn't his song. It was our song now. He wanted to help reinforce that by letting me talk about it.

I nodded before bringing my own microphone to my mouth. "Josh came to me a few days ago and asked me to sing with him tonight," I told the crowd. "But there was something else he asked me to do too. I remember sitting at home and watching him sing a beautiful song during the Grammys one evening."

I was interrupted by a low cheer running throughout the crowd. At least some of them knew what I was talking about. Once the cheering had died down, I continued.

"I'm truly honored to be able to sing this song with Josh," I told them. Then, I nearly whispered the next part into the microphone while looking Josh straight in the eyes.

"'I Need You'."

A louder cheer erupted around the arena at my words, but it was drowned out by the expression I saw on Josh's face. He knew that I was saying more than just the name of the song, and I saw the pain in his eyes briefly before he turned away.

I didn't know what was keeping him away from me. There was obviously an attraction there. That kind of pain didn't come from someone who doesn't feel something for another person. But it told me everything I needed to know...again.

The signs had been there for days. I'd even come to the conclusion with my mom earlier this week. Josh and I were not going to be together.

I felt cold inside as I heard the beginning of the song start. Josh had a keyboard player in his band, and when the four note chord that was the cornerstone of this song played the first time, I had to hold back tears. Every single note seemed to stab straight into my heart. How was I going to get through this song now?

The notes played softly for a moment before the rest of the band joined in and I did my best to prepare for the song. Unlike the other two, I was the one who sang first during this song.

When I started singing the first verse, I was afraid that there would be something in my voice that would betray my true thoughts, but I couldn't hear it. If it was there, I hoped those in the arena wouldn't be able to hear it either.

The words didn't help either. This song was about a couple who had broken up, but they each couldn't get the other out of their minds. As I sang about the thought of memories and moments that I no longer had in the song, I couldn't help but to compare them to those of the memories and moments I would never get to experience with Josh.

There was one line in my verse that Josh sang along with me, and I listened to him as we sang. I thought I heard sadness in his voice, but it could have been my imagination.

As we sang through the chorus, we moved closer to each other. Every step I took toward him seemed like a step toward my own personal doom. He was like a flame that was so amazing to behold, but it was going to consume me if I got too close. I knew that I was on the verge of breaking down, and in some unspoken agreement, we both stopped advancing.

I listened as he repeated much of the same things that I had sung about during his own verse, wishing that his words were true. But I knew they would never be. It would take a miracle for Josh to change his mind about me.

After the second verse there was a small instrumental piece in the song, and Josh and I had our eyes directed at each other the whole time. It was the hardest part of the song for me to get through. I wanted nothing more than to run home and hide under my covers and cry, but that wasn't something I could do. I was on stage in front of 20,000 people. I could not cry now.

Josh seemed to be hurting too. I did not know if he was upset that he had made me feel this way, or upset about whatever reason he decided he couldn't be with me. Regardless, it left us to sing the song with a melancholy feel to it that completely fit with the message the song was portraying.

Right after the instrumental piece was a line that I had sung many times over the last couple of days, but it had never affected me like it did while I stood on that stage. Josh and I sang the line together, but it was the words that made me jolt inside. The line talked about how it was better to hurt than to not feel anything at all.

My ability to keep myself from crying ended at that moment. The tears weren't pouring out, but I could feel one or two run down my face as I jumped straight back into singing the song. I wasn't sure if my voice wavered at all through the last part of the song, but I felt spent and empty as those four clear notes played once again to end the song and destroy my heart.

The crowd roared. They loved it.

I ventured a gaze toward Josh, not sure what I'd find. He looked very remorseful, and I was suddenly worried about him. It looked like one or more tears had trailed down his face too. I got to leave the stage now, but he still had to finish his show.

"Sarah Carerra, everybody," he said softer than I would have expected. The crowd started to cheer, and I took a small bow.

"Thank you," I replied to them before waving as I headed for the stairs down off the stage. Originally, Josh had said that he wanted to give me a hug in front of the crowd before I left, but looking at him now I knew that was a bad idea, for both of us.

Dad was there the moment I was out of sight, and the sounds of the crowd cheering melted from my mind as I saw the concern on his face. He knew.

I handed my microphone to the tech who would pack it away, and put the security pass my dad handed back to me over my head before we started walking back to my dressing room.

I managed to hold it in until we were behind closed doors, but the second Dad and I were alone in my dressing room he wrapped his arms around me, and I burst into tears.

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When I climbed into bed that night, I knew I didn't want anything to do with Josh Holliday ever again.

I had expected him to come by after the show, yet I waited futilely. I expected that I would see him during the backstage ‘meet and greet’ that I'd been required to attend at the Salt Lake City show, but nobody showed to escort us.

By the time Dad and I climbed into the limo for the ride home, I knew that Josh was not the right kind of guy for me. Nobody I would want to marry would leave a girl in pain like that! I felt betrayed, and I didn't even know why.

Mom was at the door hugging me the second I walked in. Emily was there too. Dad must have called ahead. I remembered almost no details of the rest of the night, but I felt the misery and disappointment eventually turn into the comfort and love of my family and friends.

I didn't need Josh. I had them.

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Want more Sarah Carerra?
Listen to the music from this chapter at www.sarahcarerra.com.