Going There and Back Again 3

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The life of a physicist can be troubling, at times, as the universe doesn't always play well with others.

But even the universe can't break a true promise.


Even Brett gaped a little bit at this, but they didn't seem to notice. I had just shook my own hand and there wasn't a giant world-ending explosion. So many ideas about time travelers meeting themselves in the past and not being able to make contact with themselves. Something about 2 copies of something occupying the same space at the same time. Carol gave me a quick little hug and I almost felt like crying. It's been so long since I've had any contact with my wife.

Brett invited them in and we sat down to enjoy a bit of food.

"So, Tara, what do you do?" Tedd asked me.

"Well, I've been studying theoretical physics, but it's surprisingly hard to find work right now. Shockingly, some days it feels like knowing the difference between a gluon and a glue stick makes you overqualified for a lot of jobs."

He gave a small laugh. "Oh, I can understand that. I do have a job in that field, in fact they've asked me to fly over to CERN in a few months to help them with their big accelerator. Apparently some of the initial testing is giving them some problems."

"Sounds like fun. I remember hearing about that project, and one of my first thoughts was that they're probably going to spend the first year just aligning detectors and reconfiguring the software."

Tedd smiled. "Yeah, that's about what I'm expecting to have to do. It's busywork but if it can help us confirm or deny the Higgs boson or anything else, it's still a benefit to science."

I looked over to Carol. "What about you, why don't you tell me a little bit about yourself?"

She sipped at her wine. "Well, I was teaching at one of the local collages. Advanced math. But I wanted to take some time off and be with Tedd before he left for CERN, since I have no idea how long he'll be there."

I wonder how people who believe in Deja Vu would view this conversation. I can clearly remember this conversation from the viewpoint of Tedd.

After we finished dining, we cleaned up and Tedd and Carol left.

"So, no earth-shattering kaboom? There was supposed to be an earth-shattering kaboom."

Brett laughed. "I dunno, maybe your new body is just different enough to your old one that it's not considered identical."

"That raises all sorts of interesting possibilities. Maybe this body is a quantum alternative to my own. So this *is* my body, just in another quantum universe."

Brett stopped me. "Hey, no theoretical science on a full stomach. I'm gonna go take a shower. It was nice seeing Tedd and Carol though."

Brett left the room, and I curled up onto the couch. I tucked my knees up against my chest and started crying.

Brett returned and spotted me on the couch. He sat down next to me and placed his hand on my shoulder. "Tara, what's wrong?"

I tried to say something but more crying came instead.

He started rubbing my shoulder. "Tara, if you don't tell me what's wrong I won't be able to try and help you through it."

I sniffled a bit. "I... I miss Carol. Hell, I miss *me* but seeing Carol tonight was hard. It's not like when I went over to CERN, knowing she was still home waiting for me. But now she looks at me and she just sees a stranger, not that look of love I've seen in her eyes for all these years."

Brett gave me a tight hug. "I can only imagine what you're going through right now. I still miss my wife all the time, but at least I know she's gone. I can't really begin to think of what it must be like to see her in front of you without knowing who you are."

I fell asleep crying with him holding on to me.

====

A few months after that, Tedd left for CERN. I knew he was going to be gone for almost a year and a half, so I kind of stopped worrying about another meeting. I started thinking about the positive things that I had.

Money. Face it, money is big factor in life. I had a fair bit of it now. Brett had given me a bit of seed money, and I had used my knowledge of sports results to win. Never too much and often making some intentional losing bets just so anyone didn't catch on that I seemed to have too uncanny an accuracy on my predictions. Enough that I paid outright for my new car.

Body. I have to admit, while there were some disadvantages, especially those of a cyclical nature, this body was wonderful. It was so sensitive and lithe and fit. I'll admit I had to do a bit of work on the last part to maintain it, but Brett does have a small home gym, so it wasn't too hard. I was still a bit hesitant to 'play' with my body however. Every time I start to get into the mode I suddenly seem to remind myself this isn't really my body. But it is...

Mind. I was still me, that which made me who I am. I do occasionally wonder about some of the changes I have noticed, but thus far I've been rather quick to point to hormones and a feminine brain structure to accommodate these. While as a man I had my full range of emotions, I seemed to just feel them so much more strongly now. And I seem to cry. A lot. When I'm sad, sure, but I very often find myself crying when I'm happy, too. Conversely, I have noticed that a good cry when you're unhappy can be immensely helpful.

Brett. Brett was a wonderful friend. We'd been best friends since college but there was still something different and amazing in our new version of the friendship. I can only imagine how weird it was for him to still be friends with Tedd but to have me around constantly. But we still had great fun together. Going to sporting events, nights out at the bar, that kind of thing. Though despite having a girl as his wing man he didn't seem to have much luck at the bars. He's also lucky that I can cook. He can't to save his own life. Literally, he nearly starved in college when left alone for a week. There was an angry letter from the fire department on the table when I got back. He never did go into detail about that, though.

***

But, of course, once you start getting happy with your lot in life, things will change.

I had a pounding headache. I guess I had a bit too much to drink last night. But as soon as I started to get up I realized there was a problem. There was someone else in the bed with me. Not only that, I was naked. I usually slept in panties and a large t-shirt, rather comfortable most of the time.

I looked over at the other body in the bed. It was Brett. I started scrambling out of the covers and too my feet. Then I noticed I felt a bit... messy down below.

"OH GOD!" I shouted.

I ran into the bathroom and slammed the door. I knelt in front of the toilet and proceeded to empty the contents of my stomach into it. Partly from the alcohol from last night, but mostly from the revulsion at what had happened. I started remembering bits and pieces of the previous night and I found myself now trying to empty a stomach with nothing left. What's worse, is that I seemed to have enjoyed it.

I turned on the shower and crawled inside. I curled myself up on the bottom and just starting rocking back and forth while crying.

Brett had apparently awoken during this and was knocking on the door. I really didn't notice. I was too busy replaying events in my head and sobbing.

I'd enjoyed it. How could I enjoy it. How did it happen?

More sobbing.

I'm not sure how long it was I was in there, but suddenly Brett was opening the shower door, and found me curled up.

"Tara, what's wrong? Tara, talk to me, please."

More rocking. Brett turned the shower off, it had long since gone cold.

"Tara, I need you to tell me what's wrong. Please. I can't stand seeing you like this." he said as he draped a towel over the top of me.

"What's wrong?" I weakly managed

"What's wrong? WHAT'S WRONG?" Okay, seemed to have some of my strength back.

"I just cheated on my wife. I just cheated on my wife with my best friend. I just cheated on my wife with my best friend, and I enjoyed it. I just cheated on my wife with my best friend, who's a man, and I enjoyed it." And now I was back to rocking.

He gaped. "Oh god, we didn't, did we? We did. I can remember some of it now."

He walked out of the room.

At some point, I was mostly dry, especially in terms of tears, I got up and walked out of the shower. I walked out of the bathroom and found Brett sitting with his head down on his bed. He was crying.

At this point I was so emotionally drained myself I had no room left to hate myself, so I sat down next to Brett and tried to talk to him.

"Brett, what's going on? Why are you out here doing this?"

He looked up at me, tears in his eyes. "I've ruined everything. You were my best friend. You were one of the few people in the world I knew I could trust with anything. And now a night of drinking has ruined everything. How can I look at you, or Carol, or Tedd the same way again?"

Oh. I hadn't even considered how this might be affecting him.

He turned away. "How can I look at myself in the mirror again knowing what I've done to everything."

I really didn't have an answer for that. Then he told me he wanted to be alone for a while. I picked up my clothes off the floor and left his room.

I was sitting on the couch with a mug of hot chocolate later when he finally came out of his room. He sat down on the other side of the couch. I got up and made him a mug of hot cocoa as well.

He started into the mug for a bit before he started talking. "Look, Tara, I'll understand if you hate me now. I know what we did last night was incredibly stupid and as much as I wish I could go back and undo it, I can't. I feel terrible for what I've done to you, and to our friendship."

"Brett, I was there too. I can remember bits and pieces of it but I do remember I did some things I'd never have considered doing, especially with a man, but I'm responsible too. I hope we can find a way to be friends yet, but I think we'd be better off if we gave this thing some time. I don't blame you, I blame myself."

***

The next couple of weeks were a bit of a blur. I mostly remember wandering about the house running on automatic, not exactly being sociable.

There doorbell went off when Brett was off at work, so I went down, figuring it was a delivery or something. When I opened the door my heart stopped.

Carol was standing there, looking as beautiful as ever.

"C'mon, we're going shopping." she said.

"Uhhh, what?"

"Get ready, we're going out shopping!" I never could argue with my wife when she had that kind of enthusiasm. I went to my room and got my shoes and my bag (I still refuse to call it a purse) and got into the car with Carol. As we drove off she started talking again.

"Brett called me last night. Said you were feeling really down these last couple of weeks and he didn't know what to do. So I figured we'd go shopping. I know you're something of a tomboy but girl I'm sure i can make you look amazing."

"Uhh, I really don't know about this..." I said.

She laughed. "Don't worry your pretty self, once we're done you'll feel like a whole new woman, and I can guess you've never felt like that before."

"... You'd be surprised."

Another laugh from her. "We're stopping at the Salon first. Your hair needs a bit of TLC."

Huh? I had to ask. "What's wrong with my hair?"

She gave a little giggle. "Aside from the fact that it looks a bit slept in?"

"I did sorta sleep in it. I have this horrible problem where my hair is attached when I go to bed."

She laughed. "Don't worry, they'll find the perfect style for you."

We arrived at the salon and we were split off to two different women.

"Hi, I'm Susan. Carol told me what she'd like for me to do, and I agree with her saying you haven't had a salon treatment in a long while. Before we begin, can you tell me your name?"

"I'm Tara."

She smiled. "Tara, that's a lovely name. Okay, you just relax and let me take care of you. When we're done you won't even recognize yourself in the mirror."

I thought to myself that I'd had that experience enough times in my life already. She started to work. Once again the feeling of someone working on my hair was extremely pleasant and relaxing, and I fell asleep again.

A little later I was being woken up. "Okay, Tara, we're done. I had to bring over one of the portable dryers because I didn't want to wake you, you looked so relaxed. Now let's get you into the mirror."

She turned me towards the mirror and I nearly fell out of the chair. There was a beautiful young woman staring back at me. Her hair seemed to shine and had so much color in it, so vibrant. It took me a second to realize that it was me. I looked amazing.

Susan giggled at my response. "Not the first time I've had that reaction, still priceless every time, though. I didn't have to cut much but I did my best to frame your face a bit better and I spent a good deal of time working with your highlights."

I turned towards her. "Oh my... thank you Susan, this looks and feels wonderful."

As we walked towards the front I saw Carol sitting there, looking as amazing as ever.

She ran up to me and said "Wow, you look amazing. She did a great job with you!"

"I slept through the whole thing, though,"

She just laughed at me.

We paid and left. She took me down to the mall. "Now we're going to get you some new outfits!"

The bras were the most interesting part. I'd just sorta tried some on until I found ones that were comfortable but she insisted I get a proper sizing. Turns out I'm 34C. She came back with several and suddenly I found my chest being more comfortable and more supported than it ever had been. I was also a tad embarrassed finding proper panty sizes and having Carol see me rather undressed with this body, but I tried my best not to show it.

By the time we were done for the day, I had many bags of clothes. Smart looking professional wear and some racy stuff too. I was also rather amazed at just how nice hose could feel on my legs. I'd been keeping myself shaved nicely as a matter of rote but it was clear that the feeling of smooth legs was only the beginning. I'm almost ashamed to admit I got a bit turned on with the hose rubbing up against each other as I walked.

She dropped me back off at the house and Brett was there to help bring things in. "Looks like you ladies have had a good time."

I giggled. "Wonderful."

Carol laughed. "We'll have to make a habit of this kind of thing, how about we do something else this weekend together."

"I'd love that."

A bit later she left for home and I was left with Brett.

"Look, I'm still a bit shocked that you called her, but I can't deny that today was wonderful. All the shopping was fun and just being with Carol all day made me feel so much better."

He smiled. "I'm glad it worked out. I really was starting to worry about you."

"I'm glad you care. Now, I'm going up to my room to put this stuff away." I leaned over, gave him a peck on the cheek and ran up to my room.

It was then I realized what I had just done. I'd kissed Brett. It wasn't a romantic kiss, sure, but why did I do that?

I spent the whole time I put my clothes away trying to figure out why I had done that.

***

Over the next few months we'd gone out together every weekend, or sometimes during the week too. Concerts and shows and all sorts of things. And more salons and shopping. She even managed to get me to go to a pool with her. I'm still shocked by the fact she was able to convince me to wear the bikini.

Sometimes we'd just sit at Brett's house, or at her house, and have a relaxing night with wine and jokes.

It was one of these nights at Brett's house that everything came crashing down.

I'd been having a bit to drink, then again, so had Carol and Brett, so it wasn't too unnatural. Carol and I were in the kitchen talking and joking. Brett was in the lounge watching a game. I had just said something... and she turned and looked at me very seriously.

"Tara, I have to ask you something..."

"Carol, you can ask me anything." I responded.

She looked a bit pensive and anxious.

I saw a bit of apprehension in her face as she asked the next bit. "Tedd?"

I did my best to hide my shock. "Umm, isn't he over at CERN?"

She tilted her head. "This may sound crazy... but several little things you've done or said over the last few months... I'm starting to think Tedd isn't at CERN. I think Tedd is sitting here talking to me."

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Comments

Excellent Story

littlerocksilver's picture

I am really enjoying this. It is well written, and has obviously been well researched. I'm waiting for th two doctors to show up.

Portia

Depending...

thliwent's picture

Depending on when I'm writing it the 2 doctors alternate between Tennant and Smith, and the little bald ones from Stephen King's Insomnia.

And of course, I needed the Marvin Martian reference. It felt right.

Actually

littlerocksilver's picture

The two doctors are a 'pair a docs'.

Portia

I did catch that...

thliwent's picture

Trust me, I caught it, but I ran with it to bring in more time travel references how I seem to write best at 3am :X

:D

The two doctors

Daphne Xu's picture

Whenever I see that phrase, I never get the reference. I always need someone to point it out. (I was imagining two MD men in black from our "national security" apparatus.)

-- Daphne Xu

"Tedd?"

Page of Wands's picture

Did anyone else hear a "Dun-dun DUNNN!!!" just now? Or was that just me? *pokes speakers dubiously*

Wow!

This is moving right along! I'm really enjoying this, even the shopping trip. Instead of the usual TG shopping trip this was were she reopened her relationship with Carol if on a very different level. This is good stuff!!!
hugs
Grover

Girlfriends...

thliwent's picture

Carol thought the best way to get Tara out of her stink was girlfriend-bonding shopping, she had no idea that her newest girlfriend was her husband.

Well, until the end...

Carol's figuring it out?

that's interesting. And sleeping with Brett ? hmmm....

DogSig.png

Carol's great.

I mean given her and Tedd but also the crowd she's surrounded by it's not a shock she's a smart cookie.
*Great Big Hugs*

Bailey Summers

Tedd was smart.

thliwent's picture

He married her as soon as he got the chance. Smartest move he ever made.

Nice!

Nice cliffhanger! I'm looking forward to the next chapter.

Double vision

Wondering how she is processing this realization, what with spending a evening with the four of them together at before Tedd left for CERN.

More and more interesting.

Tedd is getting used to being Tara by now, and was getting comfortable with Carol around. Tara is becoming more of a woman with each passing day from the looks of things, even with Tedd lurking there in the background. But Carol spotted that in her new friend.

Oh, worra, worra, worra.

Maggie

The real problem...

thliwent's picture

The real problem Tedd has isn't with his gender...

The gender issue is less of a problem than the fact that he knows where it ends up. So he's been trying to basically be what he thinks is an amalgam of himself, what he remembers of Tara, and who Tara was when she died.

Somehow!

Hypatia Littlewings's picture

I missed the beginning of this, but just caught up all in one read.
And now I am anxiously waiting for more.

"Tedd?"
Oh my!

I really like this one!!!

Don't worry!

thliwent's picture

I've still got more coming!

I'm sorta stuck on chapter 8 but I should, hopefully, have it done on time to post on the schedule I've set for myself. 4 should be out on Tuesday or Wednesday, 5 on Sat or Sunday.

This had to come out.

I'm just a wanna be theoretical physicist, so I don't really know anything. Still, it would seem that overlapping realities would be likely. So, she is he with all his memories, but in a different body. How could she think that someone would not tumble to it eventually?

Nice story.

Gwendolyn

Uhh-oh!

I guess the cats soon to be out of the bag. Tara really needed a girlfriend, and who better than Carol? Carol figuring it out was inevitable. Still enjoying this one Thliwent so on to the next chapter! (Hugs) Taarpa

Off to CERN

Daphne Xu's picture

"...they've asked me to fly over to CERN in a few months to help them with their big accelerator." The Large Hadron Collider. They're still searching for the Higgs boson in this time in the story. So definitely, it's back in time.

"I can clearly remember this conversation from the viewpoint of Tedd." Ah, so he *does* remember the conversation.

"So this *is* my body, just in another quantum universe." Simpler explanation: as far as physics is concerned, they're different physical objects.

"I had used my knowledge of sports results to win." Me? If I were back then, I'd wait until the beginning of 2008, then short-sell companies at random -- and perhaps short-sell sub-prime mortgages and purchase credit default swaps. Maybe I wouldn't wait, realizing I'd require a learning curve. I'd try to get involved in finance, gradually building as the stock market rose, until 2008. But then, I have absolutely no knowledge of sports betting, and definitely no knowledge of who won what when and where.

At least Biff had the sports almanac. It should have been at least three inches thick, though.

Ah, shopping. The cure for all that ails. At least according to the big supermarkets and consumer items manufacturers.

I'm wondering when Carol will discover that Tara is (also) Tedd -- or Tedd is also Tara -- or that there are now two Tedds in Carol's life. I'm also wondering if there was ever a genuine Tara. I think not.

"I'm still shocked by the fact she was able to convince me to wear the bikini." In the US, a former boy or man is going to be very uncomfortable wearing a bikini. He should have been quite uncomfortable with girls' underwear, being so much briefer than briefs and boxers. Even girls' shorts would be embarrassingly immodest.

"I'm starting to think Tedd isn't at CERN. I think Tedd is sitting here talking to me." Yep, it finally happened. But she's only half-right. The impossible half.

On to the next part.

-- Daphne Xu