With the weather warming up and my folks unwilling to give anything toward a car or increasing Grandma’s support of me. I needed to be satisfied with a 60 cc. motor scooter. It’s a help but a bit embarrassing for a junior in high school. On mornings I’m running early I wear jeans to school and change to a skirt or dress after I run or work out.

It’s the third Friday, my father’s home from his treatment that we see each other walking downtown. Dad is trying to be friendly and asks me to meet him at the café for something to drink. It’s in his direction and I’m reasonably comfortable as it will be in public. But as I walk toward him, I growingly become uncomfortable.

Dad sees me looking at his hands and stepping away from him as I walk to the café. It takes an effort but he pulls off his ring and stuffs it into his pocket. Once we’re in the café he opens his arms and asks, “Bryce can I give you a hug?”

I’m disappointed he calls me Bryce and say, “No.” I walk around to the other side of the table and wait for him to sit down.

He smiles and says, “I meant to say, Elaine, though you’re still Bryce to me. I need to come to accept how you see yourself, though I disagree with it.”

I am ready to get back up and leave. When he says, “Elaine please don’t do that. I want to say thanks for helping me to quit drinking.” I’m mildly shocked, he doesn't say thank you or even come close to admitting a mistake.

I ask, “You mean you haven’t had a drink since you’ve been home?”

He pauses long enough before he said, “No.” I knew better, and he clarifies. "I had a beer the first week and your Mom offered me a beer twice this week.” He pauses, “I’d prefer to have a shot with it, but I’m not going there.”

“I was wondering if I would stay sober if you’d try being Bryce more often.”

I plainly say, “Dad, it doesn’t work like that. I’m a girl whether I chose it or not, it’s just me, I’m Elaine. I’m afraid of you calling sober to mean you can drink now and then. I’m afraid you are already going to be back to drinking.

Dad says, “Your mother is afraid that I’m coaxing her to stop drinking too. She wants me to be able to have a drink with her. But I only have one drink and not all the time. I even have to check in every other week to a court person who can test my blood.”

I’m brash enough to say, “I disagree with mom, if anyone’s making an exception it should be the mother. She should be supporting your change.”

Dad says, “Let's change the subject, I hear Elaine seems to be a better student.”

“Yes Daddy, I have a grade to a grade and half higher in three subjects. And Coach Purcell has me running some mornings and now we’ve even started regular practices. Trevor White and Monica Evers were both surprised that I was still in shape from football. I guess part of that credit goes to you.”

I sip my tea slowly but the time seems to pass quickly during our visit. It is broken with Mom coming into the café, “Well Mike, I’m not surprised you’re here, but with her? I thought she had a restraining order on her parents.”

“Hi Mom, nice seeing you too.” I could tell she’s not happy to see me. I get up and go to the cashier to pay for my tea and scone. Dad says, he’ll pay for it, but I already have out my money paying my bill. I step toward my Mom, “Would you like a hug?”

She says, “No, I haven’t gotten an apology yet. If you want to be friends maybe sometime, but I have one daughter Sara.”

I get back to the Adams and I'm heart-broken. I call Grams, “Is it possible, for me to come home, Grams?” I knew better than ask so late on Friday. We agree in two weeks during Spring Break. I tell Grams over the phone, how frustrated I am. “I can see Staci, but usually it is to be as a friend, her mother's not comfortable with me being a girlfriend. And Karen’s dating Brock, and I feel it’s too touchy to live in the same house and date Jennifer. Grams, I was trying to be fair to Staci and Karen by not dating guys, but I don’t want to be alone come Friday nights."

Ma Adams is aware I’m feeling sad, but she won’t rescue me from feeling sorry for myself. I’m forced to call around and fortunately for me, Madi too is alone tonight. We decide to go see the movie 'Different as Me'. A lot of the movies seem to be dark and this is the only comedy romance. Dane and Chuck are with a group of boys planning to see another movie, but they offer to pay for us and to see the movie we’re wanting to see. Dane knows who I am, but I’m not certain about Chuck.

Before I talk with Madi, she says, “Yes.” Chuck smiles, stepping next to her. I only know that Dane is a senior who usually has artwork displayed somewhere in the school. Two of his poster art pieces have been used in creating promotional shirts. He’s happy with his poster art, but he uses his smartphone to show a futuristic art piece using music notes to mend a broken world. It would be nice to see it and other paintings and work he has.

Our school and art program is small enough, the interest he receives from art programs are from what he calls the second tier of art programs.

The movie is enjoyable enough and the theater cool enough to warrant being close to Dane and allowing his arm around me for warmth. When he drives us home he first takes Madi home and then me. “Dane, I’m not interested in anything serious yet, but I enjoyed tonight. I am interested in seeing more of the art you’ve done.”

He asks, “Does that mean you’d be open to another date, like tomorrow or next week?”

“I’d like that, but what about taking me to an art museum and explaining art to me. I like art but I’m kind of clueless when it comes to understanding and really appreciating it."

Dane says, “The museum I’m thinking of closes at 6:00 p.m. I work tomorrow but I could take you Sunday to the museum or sometime next week, even after school.”

“I have track practice after school, plus I’m going to be bored this weekend if I don’t do something.”

Dane lightly laughs, “Your enthusiasm is great for a guy’s ego. How about I pick you up Sunday around 3:30 pm. I’ll even pay for a bite to eat afterward.”

I step forward, giving him a hug. Sorry, I like you, it’s just that I’m in a mood, it has nothing to do with you.” I stretch and give him a kiss and I'm quickly out of his car.

Walking away I hear Chuck moving up to the front seat, saying, “Dude, I think she likes you, but I don’t…” I couldn't hear the last part.

I’m in the house and seemingly I’m the first one home. I seek to find Ma Adams to tell her I’m home.

Mom says, “You seem happier than when you left. So how was the movie you and Madi saw? I thought you were going to call for a ride?”

I say, “Dane Pedersen was there with some friends. He and Chuck asked to go with us to our movie, which was good. Did you know he’s a very good artist?”

Mom says, “He must be pretty good. He caused you to smile. How did it feel to be with him?”

I say, “He’s not like the other guys. I felt something. I would like permission to go with him to an art museum on Sunday afternoon. We’re planning to go somewhere to eat afterward if that is okay.”

Mom says, “You liked the feelings you had?”

I smile, “I could enjoy getting used to them.” I go to the refrigerator coming away with water and a yogurt. I go to my room and ball up in a chair. I grab a book but I’m not ready to read.

I’m listening to music until after 11:00 when Jennifer is the first sister to get home. I had already gotten ready for bed and I’m back in my comfy chair. Jenn comes in, “Can we share nights?”

Travis must have talked more than usual and said the right things. “I’m not sure if he knew I was thinking of moving on, but he was better tonight. He talked about the prom and doing something special.” Jenn’s very happy. I’m not sure if they did anything and I’m not asking just wondering.

“Mom says, you went to the movies with Madi and met up with Dane? Was that Dane Pedersen?”

I don’t know another Dane at school so it seems silly that she asks. “Did you know he’s a pretty good artist,” I ask?

Jenn says, “I’m not surprised that the quarterback didn’t notice him before. You know his girlfriend took interest in a college guy. She was taking a college-level biology course. I think the combination of her body and brain got to the guy.”

I say “If Marie was dating Dane. She better hope the college guy isn’t just interested in biology pure and simple.” We look at one another knowing with Marie looking as she does it could be true. The guy might not take enough time to know how smart or wonderful she is.

Sunday, we go into the city closest to us. We’re greeted by a base violinist and a pianist playing in the atrium of the museum. Sculptures are displayed throughout the museum. I’ve seen that before but didn’t realize much of it was related to the period or style of artwork on display around it. I’m tempted to touch one when Dane pulls my hand back. He runs my hand along my hips. I sense what he’s conveying but the curvature of the sculpture is full and rounder than me.

Dane gives me a hug whispering, “Remember, you’re a living work of art. Enjoy all the shapes your body will experience.” We kiss discretely as my feeling for Dane becomes warmer.

When we come to art from area artists Dane’s futuristic painting, 'Healing World' is on display. I am taken with how much better it is than the picture he showed on his phone. I knew it would be better, but it is so good it sends chills over me. I look at it with pride because I know the artist. That had never experienced that for me.

Two couples one older and the younger man looks like he might be their son, are looking at his painting. I speak up, “I know the artist. Don’t you think this piece is exceptional?”

The older man says, “My wife here thinks the notes represent a song, but she can’t figure it out.”

I look to Dane, he smiles and says, “There is, but it is not one complete line of notes of the song. I believe music is a universal language like art.”

Doris the music instructor writes down the notes hoping they’re in order. It is ten minutes later the sound of the two lines is heard throughout the museum. The museum curator seeks Dane out while we are looking and enjoying another work of art.

Soon we’re brought back to the painting and Dane resists telling the curator anything in front of a camera and microphone. Finally, Mr. Martin, the Curator says, “If it’s true and you let us share it, hundreds more will come to the museum. They will come to see your painting and they’ll come looking to see if they see something in other paintings and artwork.”

Dane says, “But they’ll miss the universal languages of art and music if they’re just looking to see something concrete.” Finally, Dane gives in and is interviewed. It will be weeks before they will share it in promoting the museum in April.

He says for me that the notes go with the words: “The peace that was meant to be' and "let this by my solemn vow.” I look to Dane as he shares things when later I ask Dane. He says, “The picture came to me a year ago this past Christmas. It was at the end of a Candlelight Christmas Eve vigil. It started at midnight after the formal service ended and most people were rushing home.

I sit on the stone floor and listened to Dane. Doris the teacher, her husband and their son John and Laura stayed with a handful of others. It was not only Dane speaking. When Laura announces she’s pregnant and that peace is her wish for her baby; everyone became silent.

I want to touch her tummy, though at three months I would feel no more than a bump. Tears fill my eyes as Laura says, “I can’t believe your parents fail to see that you’re a young woman.”

Laura tells me she was one of my night nurses at the Stronghold Hospital. I take a hold of her hands, closed my eyes. “I am probably fooling myself, but your tender hands say I remember you.”

Laura says, “Nighttime was hard on you some nights in the hospital. How are you doing now?” We’re talking and I wrap Dane’s hands and arms around me.

“Nightmares rarely happen anymore but there are still plenty of feelings.”

Laura says, “I hope you’ve continued to see Dr. Anne. I think she’s special.” Before 6:00 pm., we begin to look some more. Mr. Martin announces to us, we and the Andersens have an extra half hour with the museum to ourselves. Mrs. Andersen enjoys walking around with Dane. I enjoy my time with Laura and her husband.

I exchange information with Laura and ask if she knows Deputy Tiffany. It is kind of a foolish question, but I hope to introduce the two sometime.

Dane takes me to a better place to eat saying he was given some extra money by the Curator. Dane thanks me for a wonderful afternoon, and I feel self-conscious that he’s thanking me. We go to a steakhouse we both like. I’m now asking for a petite portion.

Sondra who usually waits on our family comes over and greets us saying, “I am glad you aren’t staying away because your parents come here. It is nice to see you, Elaine.”

Joc is our waiter and once he’s back with water, to take our order. Sondra leaves us alone for the rest of the night. We talk about other pieces of artwork and meeting the Andersens. My feet are out of my shoes and rubbing Dane. He blushes, but won’t acknowledge it.

Finally when he takes me home and escorts me up to the door. He says, “This is probably way too early and it’s foolish. Would you go with me to the prom?” I am bubbling over but I feel uncomfortable answering quickly.

The truth is if I went with anyone else, my first choice would be Jennifer. And she’s already told me, she and Travis are going to the prom.

“I think so Dane, but let me take a few days to think, as well as get permission.”

Once inside I am confronted by Rhonda and Jennifer, and Ma Adams is waiting in the hallway. Rhonda stops and asks me, “What was that squeal, and before that the extra-long kiss he gave you?”

I say, “It wasn’t that long of a kiss, you’re just guessing.”

Jennifer says, “What else would have taken so long in saying goodnight?” Jennifer pulls me to the couch so we can sit together.

I ask, “Jennifer are you sure you’re going to the Prom with Travis?”

Rhonda asks, “Are you telling me, he’s already asked you to the Prom? What did you say? I hope you left him hanging about an answer.”

“This is not fair, I wanted to wait to tell you. It’s my news! I don’t even know if I can afford a nice gown. This is my first prom. Before the Winter dance, I thought I had three choices for the Prom and I didn’t really know Dane. Now Staci is to go with a boy and Karen has Brock and you have Travis. Like this weekend I thought I was going to be alone.”

“And oh, we had a great time at the museum and Dane’s painting is there and got a lot of special attention. It was better than winning that football game and getting into the playoffs.”

Rhonda teased me, “What could a girl think was more important than that?”

I say, “Don’t mock me. Plenty of the girls at school thought it was great. But Dane’s painting of the world held together by music notes is more beautiful and wonderful than I first thought. Plus there’s a tune painted into the picture. Some music teacher kind of thought the notes were a song, but she couldn’t recognize any tune. Dane wasn’t going to tell anyone but the music instructor gave the notes to a pianist and she played it.”

Rhonda says, “They just happened to have a piano around?”

Then I explained what happened and then they became intrigued. I was now the one in control. I say, “Maybe they’ll announce it tomorrow or in a few weeks.”

Jennifer and then Rhonda say, “You didn’t tell us the tune; you can’t leave us hanging like that.” They take to tickling me to get me to tell them. Luckily Mom tells them to stop.

Mom waits for me to finish talking with my sisters and get ready for bed before she came to visit me. We sat on my bed with me having my legs and feet folded under me. Mom says. “If you’ll work to earn some money, we’ll help you get a pretty prom gown. Your Grams has already been saving for one, but you need to take some responsibility for it happening.”

Then she says, “Now tell me what happened between you and Dane?”

I say, “Oh the tune is to ‘Let there be peace on earth,’ but not the most familiar part. Dane got the idea at a Christmas Eve service.”

Mom stops me, “I like the story, but I’m asking about the feelings you’re having about Dane.”

“It’s like my body felt warm, even a simple kiss felt like more. When I was looking at Dane’s painting or other pictures that I connected with. I’d stand in front of Dane and let him wrap his arms around me.” “I guess the best way to describe it, He makes me feel like a girl, a girl who might be in love.”

I look at Mom, expecting her to say something like 'cool that.' Maybe something like ‘I’m too young or I shouldn’t rush things.’

She takes my hands, “It sounds like the feelings of a young woman. I’m happy for you.”

Later I went back to the mirror in the bathroom, I knew I hadn’t done a good job at taking my makeup off and cleansing my face. Mostly I went to see the girl in the mirror. Like Mom said, I see a young woman that is glowing.

Two weeks of school, track practice and a few dates with Dane have passed. Spring Break is two days away. Coach Purcell is pleased with my progress but wants me back at school practicing as our track meets to begin the following week.

The Adams will be away visiting family. Grams and I have permission to use their house, but neither of us wants to be back the full week. The only reason I would want to would be to see Dane and other friends.

Cousins Heather and Chase are already on their spring breaks this week. I will not see them until Saturday or Sunday. Heather says, if she is not exhausted she’d be happy to go out with Dane and me on Saturday night.

The Newton and the White families are both hoping the following weekend to attend Ryders Museum’s Celebration of area Artists and Their Art. This Sunday’s newspaper is to carry stories of the Museum’s celebration with Dane’s painting and its story as the paper’s lead story.

I informed the Adams and they plan to read the story via the internet. Rhonda already checked the newspaper’s 'More to the Story...' page. Rhonda texts me, “It has a very nice picture of you and Dane viewing the painting, and the pianist and violinist playing what’s cited as the mystery tune.” “Mom and Dad say we might be back early so we can all visit.”

Saturday morning, Officer Tiffany Reed has promised to take me window shopping for a prom dress. Grams says, “I and a new friend will be going with you and Tiffany.” I pester Grams all the way back to our home and so far she has not told me who.

We do stop to see Dr. Akers for an appointment. I have a needed health check scheduled for Monday. It is necessary prior to officially running in any track meet. Dr. Anne greets me, “I see the testosterone blocker is taking a healthy toll on your formerly male body. Are you sure this is what you want?”

I suspect she is just challenging me as the devil’s advocate, making sure I understand what’s happening is lasting.

I say, “Can’t you just celebrate with me. I’m becoming the girl, I told you three years ago that’s what I’m to be. I couldn’t have imagined all the little things along with my simple dreams.”

“Elaine, I do celebrate with you and I think you are progressing very well. It is important that this is what you claim to be what you want. It will help in continuing the progression of your treatment and its process.”

“Does it mean Dr. Owens will approve a stronger recipe for my hormone therapy?”

Dr. Anne says, “It is my understanding that the court and Judge Higgins are interested in hearing our reports. That the February court appearance was moved to early April to have sufficient documentation for them to make further rulings regarding your health.”

I moan, “I hope it includes cutting off that fatty tissue that makes me look freakish. Will it include that?”

Dr. Anne Akers becomes seriously professional. Neither Dr. Owens nor I am going to tell you. Even your court advocate has been requested not to share with you our reports until Judge Higgins gives any ruling at the court proceedings.”

I jokingly say, “Then I’ll be pestering Dr. Owens when I see her to see if I can get her to tell me.”

Dr. Anne says, “If I were you, I wouldn’t take it to an extreme that might indicate you’re not mature enough to warrant a progression of your treatment. Remember Elaine’s status is still under review.”

“You don’t mean all this can be changed by the whim of the court? Judge Hewitt wouldn’t do that would he?”

Dr. Anne says, “I think it is highly unlikely. But I understood Ms. Tull, your Court Advocate, has told you not to assume anything. Nothing is fully sure when you go to court. Any inappropriate actions on your part would appear to be, the only hope your parents have in turning around your future as Elaine.” She says, “From what you have said, it sounds like your father is more accepting of you. Hopefully, your mother does not have the power to get him to change his thinking back to where it was.”

Now I’m leaving the hospital as my appointment with Dr. Owens will not be until the following week. But I hear someone calling for me to stop. I stop and turn around I see Nurse Laura coming towards me but she’s still across the lobby.

She’s happy and saying, “I am glad to see you here. I heard from the museum about when the special event will be held and they’re hoping we’ll be there. We figured it could only be about your friend Dane’s painting. We’re excited for him and glad to be asked to attend. That kind of honor is new to us.”

I hug her as we meet and I introduce Grams to her. I can tell, she’s waiting for more, but I’m not sure what. Finally, Laura asks, “Are you and Dane an item? When he hugged you from behind and you leaned back into him. You reminded me of Jack and me.”

I’m being compared to Laura; she can’t know how that makes me feel. It is one of the most affirming things saying I’m really a woman. When I tell her I’m on spring break, she asks, “Could we meet so I can get to know you?”

I tell her, “You saw us on our first official date. And yes, we’re still together. He’s such a catch.”

Before I can say it and I am ready to, Laura says, “I was impressed that he’s such a mature young man and he’s also down to earth.”

“Yeah, I think the same. I’m surprised another girl let go of him. I’m just afraid when he goes to college that I’ll lose him.” Laura pauses not knowing what to say. It confirms for me that is likely true.

Laura gives me her smartphone number and asks me to contact her. I give her my information.

Heather comes over Friday night and asks, “Grams can I stay over so Elaine and I can have a sleepover?”

Grams says, “Your cousin Elaine is going to be window shopping tomorrow morning for a prom dress. Tiffany Reed and another friend are already going along with us to help Elaine find something appropriate. Heather’s excited to hear I’ve already been asked to my prom. Heather knows about Dane, but not how serious we are with each other.

“Is it that senior boy Dane, you were talking about?” Heather shows three pictures of prom dresses she’s looking at. Only one looks somewhat modest for a prom gown. I am sure I cannot afford the two that are more beautiful. I’m kind of happy for Heather, but also jealous.

“Yes, Dane has asked me to the prom.” I ask, “Grams is it okay if Heather stays here tonight with me?”

Grandma asks Heather, “Do you have clothes already here if I say yes?”

Heather says, “Yes I do, but I have some clothes in my room that my parents can bring. They’d need to come and give me a ride home if I don’t. I don’t think they will mind either way.”

“Well, then you better decide if you want other clothes or will use what’s already here. Either way, call and talk to you your parents. If they let you stay. They should come and give you a ride home by 9:00 in the morning.”

Grams makes some popcorn as we decide to watch a girl movie. Grams asks, “Are you two sleeping in separate rooms or staying in one room?”

Heather says, “We’re both girls, Grams. And it’s like a pajama party.”

“I agree.”

Heather asks me when we’re alone, “So who’s the friend going with you to shop for a prom gown?” She surprised that I don’t know. Heather says, “I hope you don’t mind, but I hope I get to stay around to see who your mystery friend is.”

We don’t eat much of the popcorn and Grams goes to bed as we’re talking more than watching the moving. Both of us have several texts or calls.

Most exciting for me is that Heather and I get ready for bed together and both of us sleep in my bed. It is plenty big enough for the two of us.

I’m up early, hoping Grams will now tell me which friend is coming with us to go shopping. I end up watching Grams make her famous cinnamon rolls. Neither of us is on diet, and it is what we get to eat visiting at Grams.

Heather helps me to pick out clothes that easy to change out of, it also includes pantyhose, nice panties, and a nice bra, in case I’m being fitted for anything.

Aunt Kenda comes to pick up Heather at 9:00 am, but everyone is talking until Tiffany comes and another young woman is with her. It takes a moment before I recognize Laura Andersen, the nurse. I can’t believe she had visited with me yesterday at the hospital and never let on I would see her today.

Today Laura’s hair is fixed differently and she’s dressed so casually she looks even younger than she appeared before. I am glad to see her and Tiffany. Laura says, “Between proms and weddings, mine and others I think I know the saleswomen at any place we might go.”

Aunt Kenda gives Grams an envelope saying, “This is to help my niece to get a nice dress.” I am blushing in surprise that she/they would be helping me. They have Heather’s prom expenses to worry about. I say thanks and give her a big hug.

Grams looks in the envelope and says it is too much. I’m not sure how much that would be. I’m now even more thankful and hopeful I can get something nicer than I hoped for my prom.

Tiffany says, “Elaine, I too am going to help make sure you get a nice prom gown.” Laura is smiling and waving her head in affirmation. Prom is two months away but I’m already getting emotional about getting a fancy dress. This is all new to me and quickly becoming overwhelming.

I turn to Laura, “I thought I asked you if you knew Tiffany Reed and you said, ‘No.’

Laura says, “I only knew her as T.S., not as Tiffany or Tiffany Reed.” Tiffany adds I was a good friend of her oldest sister. We had another girl named Tiffany who was more popular, so I became TS.

Story to continue…