Oh, Cheers: Part 3- WIN!

By Melanie Ezell

It's finally here, the final chapter of the trilogy! Will Dana take over, or will Dane return? What movie will the teens watch this time? Just what IS up with the monkeys in straight jackets? The world may never know.

“PHOENIX!”

“YESSIR!” I bounced my way down from the trampoline and made my way over to Mr. Shaw where he was monitoring everyone’s practice from the front of the studio. “What’s up, is there a problem?”

“Nope, I need to talk to you about something.” I just nodded. There’d been a lot of ‘talks’ between me and Mr. Shaw since the whole Dana thing started, and he was one of the few outside mine and Patty’s family who knew everything that was going on. I don’t think he liked it, and he still seems a bit nervous around me for some reason. “Listen, I hate to tell you this, but you can’t go to State with us.”

“WHAT!” This is, is, well, an outrage is what it is! “Why not, I thought you said there wasn’t anything wrong?”

“Listen, kid.” He pushed his hands back through his hair before glaring at me. It was scary, I’d never seen him like this before. “I’m not ruining our chance at State this year just ‘cause some little freak wants to play at being a girl.” You could have knocked me over with a feather.

“But Mr. Shaw, I-“

“I don’t care! And, furthermore,” he whispered harshly, poking me hard in my very sensitive chest, “you’re kicked out of my class. I’ve been letting you get away with this perverted game of yours for too long. Call your parents if you wanna cry about it, but get out of here.”

“But…” This was all so sudden, I thought he understood! What about my gymnastics now, I love doing it, oh, why! “Sir, please!”

“GET OUT!”

I didn’t even grab my clothes on the way out, I was so upset. I just ran home and cried.

===

“He did WHAT!”

“Where’s the fucker live.” My dad wasn’t in a good mood after hearing why I was home so early. I was still too distraught to do much of anything but bawl whenever my mind went over what happened.

“This is illegal, Dana sweetie. He can’t-“

“MOM, just leave me ALONE!”

“Don’t yell at your mother, young lady! We’re going to handle this, don’t worry.”

“DAD, please don’t, just leave it alone! Leave ME alone! He’s right, I’m a freak anyways. They’d probably just laugh me out of the gym the moment I stepped out.” I could tell from the tension in the air that one of them was about to say something, but the sound of the front door opening and closing thankfully distracted them.

“Miss Phoenix? Is Sis here, she wasn’t at the dojo when I got out of- oh. Oh. D, are you okay?”

===

“Come on, it’ll make you feel better.”

“Patty…”

“And James is working today too.”

“… well I guess I could eat something.” She’d decided that the best cure for my sadness would be fast food. Or James, I’m not sure. Ever since we were caught kissing at the dance a week ago it’s like everybody’s assuming we’re a couple now just ‘cause he all the time walks me to class and stuff. I mean, it was just a spur of the moment thing, really. Heh, it’s not like I WANT to go out with him. I mean, if he asks I might accept just so I don’t hurt his feelings, he is a nice guy and all, but I mean I’M not interested in HIM. Nope. No way.

“Dana, good to see you again!”

“JAMES!” He came around the counter to give me a hug, and I jumped up and wrapped my arms around his neck. Oh, shut up.

“No PDA on the job, son.”

“Oh, sorry, I gotta get back to work. Uh, ya’ll wanna go see another movie?”

“Of course she does, that’s why she dragged me here! We’ll see you at five then!”

“’Kay, later!” Patty drug me right back out of the Taco Bell before I even had the chance to open my mouth to try and say something about what just happened, leading me towards the park across the street.

“Come on, the swings are calling our names.” We just sat in the old rubber and metal swing set, kicking back and forth, for a good hour before I finally just had to start talking about something, anything.

“Patty?”

“Yeah?”

“Why don’t you and my mom and dad call me Dane any more? Since last week it’s like ya’ll’ve forgotten I’m a boy.” I shuffled the gravel beneath us around with my sneaker a bit before kicking off again and quickly matching Patty’s swing.

“Didn’t we already talk about this?”

“Yeah, a bit, but I still don’t get it.”

“D,” she huffed for a bit as she tried to figure something out I think, “what kind of underwear are you wearing?”

“What? Why?”

“Just answer. What kind of underwear are you wearing?”

“Uh,” god this is kinda embarrassing, “a thong, why?”

“And what does it look like?”

“Patty…”

“Well?”

“It’s purple cotton, okay? Sheesh!”

“And why are you wearing them?”

“Because my jeans are too tight to wear with anything else?”

“And what kind of jeans are they?”

I think I see where this is going. “Patty, you know as well as I do that I’m wearing girl’s jeans. And a bra, and a girl’s tee. Why, might I ask, does it matter?”

“Well, would somebody with the name ‘Dane’ normally wear clothes like what you’re wearing?”

“No, I guess not.”

“And do you want everyone to know you’re a guy who wears girl’s clothes? All the time? And has boobs?”

“Oh, GOD no! I’d be killed!”

“Point made. Your mom and dad don’t’ want to say something that gets you outed, and neither do I. So the more we think of you as Dana, a girl, the safer you are. Plus it’s pretty hard to think of you as a boy with how you’re dressed right now.” I couldn’t argue that.

“You’re a bitch, Patty.”

“I love you too.”

===

“I’m sick of looking at Mexican food. How’s On the Border sound?”

“That’s a Mexican restaurant, James.”

“Oh, yeah.” I couldn’t help but giggle as he blushed. “Um, whaddabout Chinese then?” I could do Chinese.

“I could do Chinese.” Good ole’ Patty.

===

“So, what looks good to ya’ll?” I was leaning towards ‘Belle of the Ball’ myself, but then again if James wanted to watch something else I wouldn’t object. Patty’d probably try and get us to see ‘Green Acres: The Musical’ just ‘cause it looks horrible. Patty could eat dirt.

“I’m thinkin’ maybe the new Alexis Eden flick, what’s it called, ‘Zapped!’ right?” Patty started bouncing around grinning in agreement. I just sighed.

===

Oh, so THAT’S what’s up with the monkey in the straight jacket!

===

And there I was, standing outside my front door with James yet again, his arm around my shoulder and me leaning into his side like it’s the most natural position in the world. Which it is. “I really enjoyed the movie tonight. Thanks for taking me.”

“Me too, and it was my pleasure. Though next time we need to leave Patty at the restaurant.” I just nodded into his side, since she nearly got us thrown out when she started screaming in protest during the scene at the drive in ‘cause of something or another. I dunno, I wasn’t paying attention much. “Can I have a good night kiss before I leave?” I considered it maybe half a second before getting up on my tippy toes to kiss him. And kiss him. MMMmmm.

“Ahem.” Huh? Shit!

“Oh, hi, Daddy!” Daddy? Daddy!?

“I’ll just call your mother.” He shut the door, and when I heard him shout for my mom I just buried my head in James’s chest in embarrassment.

===

“Now, sweetie, it’s perfectly natural. You’re at a time in your life when you’re going to start being interested in boys, and with all the hormones in your system it’s not surprising you like him. I think it’s time we had a little talk though.” I tried to disappear into the couch cushions, while across from me and next to my mom my dad just sat there white as a sheet with beads of sweat pouring off of him. I thought he’d be angry, but-

“I want to know exactly who this boy is. What’s his name, where he goes to school, what grade he’s in. And if you wanna go out with him again, young lady, he better pick you up HERE, not have you sneaking off to some restaurant to meet up with him.” Huh? “I don’t want my little girl dating someone who won’t even be a proper gentleman.”

“DADDY!” I squeaked. Or screeched, whatever. It was high pitched, and it hurt MY ears, so I know it must’ve been painful for them.

“Honey, it’s alright, I’m sure she’ll bring him here before their next date,” and she gave me a look saying ‘you’d better’. I just gave her Sigh #34, the Edited for Parents version. “Now, if you’ll step out of the room, I think me and my daughter need to have this discussion in private.”

“Gotcha.” And he was out in a flash. Mom gave me a wicked grin, then moved over and plopped down next to me on the couch and hugged me tightly.

“So, is he a good kisser?”

===

“Oh my GOD, Mom, that’s disgusting!”

“You get used to it.”

“Oh my GOD. I think I’m gonna puke. Seriously.”

“Well, that can happen if they-“

“NAHNAHNAHNAHICAN’THEARYOUNAHNAHNAHNAHNAH!!!”

===

“Oh. Oh my. That’s, wow.”

“You wanna touch it?”

I reached out tentatively, but when I realized what I was doing I jerked my hand back and screamed “NO!”

“Oh, come on, it’s just a piece of plastic, and I haven’t used it ye-“

“BAHBAHBAHBAHBAHSHUTUPPPPPP!!!”

===

“Mom, I don’t think I’m ready for all this yet. I don’t even know if I’m into GUYS yet.” She just gave me a look, and I had the decency to look contrite. “Mom, I mean, what if I like girls? Then all this is kinda, uh, wasted ain’t it?”

“Well, we all experiment a bit, even I-“

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!”

===

“You can come back in now honey.” I took one look at my dad, about whom I now knew far more than I ever wanted to know, and glanced at my mom. When she started moving her tongue back and forth in her check, I screamed and ran for my room, her laughter following me the entire time.

My god, I think I’m gonna be scarred for life.

And I’m never having sex, I swear.

EVER.

===

Sunday morning dawned bright and beautiful. The events of yesterday still bothered me- especially the ‘talk’ with mom- but you know how it is the day after? It was like that. And you know what, I realized something. Screw him. Mr. Shaw can keep his stupid class, ‘cause I’m still a cheerleader, and the best damn gymnast around whether I’m in his class or not. But not today.

Today, I’m watching cartoons.

I was almost through the third DVD of ‘Death Note’ and my second bowl of Cocoa Puffs when I heard someone knocking at the door. At noon on a Sunday there’s only one person it could be.

“We’re practicing Satanists and don’t want none of your pamplets soiling our beliefs.”

“Shut up and let me in.” Came the muffled and giggly response from the other side of the door. I let Patty in and was quickly engulfed in a hug. “Nice jammies, but aren’t they a bit young for you?”

If there was anyone I wouldn’t take flak from for my choice of clothing, it was Patty. “You are NEVER too old to wear Winnie the Pooh PJs. Besides, they’re comfy.” Almost definitely better than the short alls she’d chosen for herself. My dad had Tigger, and my mom had Eeyore.

“I bet. Got some extras?” I led the way to my room, and dug out some I didn’t even know I had covered in pictures of Kanga and Roo. Soon we were both laying in front of the TV in matching pajamas watching brain-rotting anime.

Life was good. And El rocks hardcore.

===

And after the anime came the talking. And the music, but mostly just talking.

“So, you REALLY like James, don’tcha?” I blushed. “Yup, knew it, you’ve liked him since that first time he held you haven’t ya?”

“Oh, yes, being brained with a soccer ball always inspires romantic feelings in a gir- uh, me.”

“You had it right the first time.”

“Shut up.” She laughed. “Besides, I could say the same things about you and Devin.” Well, minus the soccer ball thing.

“Alright miss Droopy Drawers, if not James then who’s your ideal guy?”

“A girl?” She just shook her head. “Well, why not? I’m a guy after all.”

“Come on, we’re sisters. Besides, I’ve seen you checkin’ out the guys lately.” I swear, sometimes I hate how close we are.

I thought about it for a moment, but only one person came to mind. “Johnny Rotten.”

“Who? Wait, HIM? GROSS? He’s, like, fifty or something! Oh, god, I’m gonna throw up now!”

“Well you like that guy who plays Professor Snape so what’s the difference?”

“Well, he’s British.”

“So’s Johnny Rotten, and what’s that matter anyways?” I pointed to my Sex Pistols poster over my bed. “And how can you say he isn’t cute?”

“That pictures from like thirty years ago! And he looks like he’s on something.”

“So? What musician doesn’t do drugs nowadays?”

“Cara Malone doesn’t do anything like that and she’s a great musician! Or what about Michelle Grayson from, oh, what’s their name?”

“John Gray’s Band?”

“Yeah, them. Or Hollywood McKenzie, she don’t either.”

“They’re pop musicians though, they don’t count. Besides, they’re girls.”

“Oh, and you’re only interested in the hot guy musicians then?” I threw a pillow at her in response. “Oh, now you’re gonna get it!”

“Stop or I’ll sic Pooh Bear on ya!” I held the stuffed animal up in front of me in as menacing a position as I could, which for a stuffed bear with a bow around his neck isn’t very menacing at all really.

“Hah, like he can stop me!” And then she attacked.

===

“Alright girls, great news! We’ve got a CHEER COMPETITION COMING UP!”

“HOORAH.” We almost pulled it off ‘til everyone broke down in giggles.

“But seriously people, they scheduled things really weird this year so our first competition comes up in March, which means we need to start working on the routine like NOW. Any ideas?” I raised my hand. “Ooh, Dana! Whatcha thinkin’?”

“Well,” I started, and stopped. I’d been thinking about this since Sunday night and wanted to suggest it Monday, but never got around to it. Heh, just my luck this is coming up, it gives me a perfect excuse! “I think we should do something heavy on the gymnastics. I know we’re only high school and not allowed to do all the stuff the college teams are, but if we work it right I bet we can really impress the judges.” And it’d be good revenge versus my evil ex-coach, but I wasn’t gonna mention that part.

“AL-right, lotsa gymnastics, got it. Anyone else?” Halley raised her hand. “Go ahead Halley.”

“I like the gymnastics idea,” she grinned at me- we’d started hanging out a bit since the whole bus thing, not sexual mind you or anything, she’s just a friend- and I thought I knew what she might suggest. “I think we should throw in some martial arts stuff too, though, like in that one movie. It’d really pump up our routine and be something most people wouldn’t think of.” I gave her a thumbs up, and Patty gave her a pat on the back since she was closer.

“Good, good. Okay, Shelby?”

“We should do a strip tease in it, really give ‘em a show, ‘specially Dana, you little hottie, RAWR!”

“SHELBY!”

===

“You wanna do something?”

“Nah. I really need to practice some of my Parkour, to be honest.” That was the one bad thing about all the cheerleading I’d been doing lately, that plus my social life had left me very little time for practicing my chosen sport, and if I could today I was gonna try to do a run or two around the old warehouse factory thingy before going home. I really REALLY needed it.

“Kewl, can I come with?”

“Yeah, sure, the more the merrier!”

We’d been there about an hour, practicing wall spins and backflips off of ‘em, when Patty grabbed me and pulled me behind a stack of old barrels. “Whammfnnlnf!” She shushed me, and then I heard the footsteps. Soon, I heard quiet voices passing nearby us.

“Yeah, I heard from my dad that one of the cheerleaders is actually some kinda tranny freak.”

“No way! Man, they’re all so hot though! Who’d he say it was?”

“He said they were in his Gymnastics class but wouldn’t give me a name. I’m betting it’s that Shelby chick, she’s always been weird.”

“Nah, man, probably Patty, she’s real butch ya know?” I smacked my own hands across Patty’s mouth before she could protest, and she got the picture quick. She bit my hand though, and if her hands hadn’t still been over my mouth I would have had a few more insults to add to theirs.

“What about that Dana chick, I thought she was some kinda gay guy for the longest time.”

“Nah man, my older brother said she pulled her top off in front of him and showed ‘im her tits, and they’re DEFINITELY real.” Hey, that was an accident! “Maybe Nancy? Her and Lisa seem awfully tight.”

“Nah, they’re just Lezzies.”

“Dude, that’s hot.”

“Hyeah.” Luckily for us, we were by this time on the side facing the door away from where they were coming from, so me and Patty beat as hasty a retreat as we could back to my place before starting to talk. Or at least laugh our asses off.

“WHOO, well, look who’s the little tease!” She pulled up the hem of her shirt and fanned it at me a couple of times until she nearly fell in the floor laughing.

“Hey, that’s no fair!” I worked out between my own giggles. “SOMEONE,” I pointed at them laughing across from me, “spilt iced tea down my top three weeks ago, remember?”

“Oh, yeah!” By now her eyes were tearing up from all the guffawing she was doing.

“Well, I couldn’t get a hall pass ‘cause the teacher wasn’t in the room yet, and since I was wearing a tank top underneath anyways I decided to just-“

“OHMYGOD, you really DID take your top off in front of them?!”

“Well, I THOUGHT it was just my top, but I accidentally grabbed my tank too and-“

“Just like in ‘Mean Girls’!” That set her off again. By now what they’d been saying had had time to process and stew a bit though, and I was starting to get worried.

“Patty, if either one of them mentions something to one of the cheerleaders…”

She wasn’t laughing any more.

===

“We’ve gotta take legal action, sweetie. If we don’t, he could potentially ruin your life.”

“But Mom, what can we say? I’m a boy who looks like a girl so I pretend to be a girl? I’m a former tomboy like majorly? What?”

“We tell the truth, that you’re a young woman with a genital birth defect that caused you to be incorrectly identified as male at birth.”

“Huh?” This confused me greatly as I knew that no such thing had happened. “But Mom, I am a guy. I really am ‘Male’ so that’s lying.”

“Not really, sweetie. Do you plan on going back to Dane?”

I answered almost instantly with “Yes.” This brought me two distinct looks of surprise from my mom and Patty, and a stream of coffee to come spewing from my dad’s mouth. “What’s the problem?”

“Dana,” Dad started, still trying to dry the coffee from the table, “that’s EXACTLY the problem.” Dad’s gotten a lot more serious over the past month and a half than he was ever before, and the look he was giving me now was set in stone. “It’s almost impossible for you to go back to being Dane, and even if you did you couldn’t pass for male.” I was about to say something when he waved me quiet with his hand. “Look at yourself in a mirror, babydoll.. Even if you got-ahem- breast reduction, you’d still look like a girl, and I hate to break your heart but there’s no way we could afford the kind of facial reconstruction it’d take to get you to even begin looking androgynous. Honey, you’re too pretty.” He was trying to be gentle and comforting while still being straight to the point- just like my dad- but it still felt like I’d just taken a sledgehammer blow to the head.

“But if I can stop anything from developing more-“

“Sweetie, the medicine should have done that, but your body is producing too much estrogen and overwhelming it. We-“

“I’m going to bed.” I didn’t wait for a response. My manhood ached as though it’d just been kicked, and I guess in a way it had. It wasn’t a new pain, I’d felt it a lot over the past few weeks, as though my ‘budding femininity’ was fighting to kill off the one thing left that made me Dane not Dana, and I know it’s all in my head, but that don’t make it hurt any less.

===

Okay, you can stop hurting already, jeez. Of course they didn’t listen to me. Aw, hell, mental shmental. “MOOOMM!”

“WHUAAATTT!”

“COMMERE!”

“What is it sweetie?” Mom had a worried look on her face, and I could tell by her eyes she’d spent a part of the night crying, and probably ‘cause of me. But at the moment I had a more pressing concern. “Mom, my, uh, testhrfofrmrn.”

“I’m sorry?”

I really didn’t wanna say it. “My Testifroclornmn.”

“Honey speak up.”

“MY TESTICLES HURT!”

“Oh, dear.” She didn’t sound surprised, which worried me. She did sound worried, though, which worried me even more.

===

“Good evening Miss Phoenix, Dana.”

“Please, call me Joanne.”

“Very well, Joanne. I’m Doctor Tucker, and I specialize in these kinds of hormonal problems. I never thought I’d see two similar cases so close to each other though.”

“I’m sorry but what do you mean?”

“Oh, just thinking of one of my patients back in the Robins Lake area. A lot of similar problems, really. Sorry to digress. Now, I can see the last doctor you were going to did very well as far as the paperwork is concerned, but I’d like to do some examining of my own to verify results if that’s okay?” My mom just looked at me, and I nodded.

Over the next hour I was poked, prodded, bent over, stabbed, squeezed, and asked a barrage of annoying and embarrassing questions. What’s it matter if I’ve ever had a ‘nocturnal emission’ anyways? And at the end of it all, she had us wait another hour while she was on the phone with some other bigwig PhD/Md/PCP/whatever it is that stuff stands for before calling us back in.

“The operating room is prepped.” I think I almost passed out hearing those words, and seeing the dead serious look in her eyes. “It’d be best if we hurry.”

“What? What’s wrong with my baby now?”

“I’m sorry, but we’re going to have to remove his testicles.”

“WHY!”

“Because your body has started attacking them, and if we don’t they could become infected or cancerous.”

That’s when I DID pass out.

===

Everything’s… so… fuzzy…

“Mom?”

I heard a rustling sound next to me, along with some persistent beeps, and felt a pair of arms wrap around me. “I’m here sweetie.” I felt myself slip back out for a bit while she held me, but there were things I needed to know. Something about my- my- MY-

“MY BALLS!” I bolted upwards and threw my hands to my crotch, and almost instantly regretted it as a blinding shot of pain lanced through both my head and where I was touching. “What the FUCK did they do to me!”

“Sweetie, they had to, they-“

“NOOOOOoooo…” The last thing that I knew, the last thing that was intimately familiar to me I had left in life, they’d removed. I wanted to scream. I wanted to cry again. I wanted to strangle someone. I wanted to piss really REALLY badly, which brought up another issue entirely. “Mom, they didn’t cut, uh, IT off, did they?”

“Huh?” Then she got it, and I felt her chuckle, which made me feel better and a lot calmer. I noticed the beeping slow down too. “Oh, no, honey. Not until you’re older, and only if you want it done. But, uh, we did have them do one other thing.”

“What, Mom. Don’t tell me- breast implants.” She chuckled again, so I continued. “Ugh, I knew it. Tryin’ to turn me into Pam Anderson now?”

“Hardly.” She squeezed me again before continuing. “No, what they did isn’t that obvious. Well, mostly. They didn’t cut anything off they didn’t have to because of-“

“Mom, I don’t wanna know why. Not now, not ever. Please.”

“Oh, okay.” It wasn’t, I could tell, but I’d find out later anyways. “But, uh, I told them about you being on your school’s cheerleading squad, ah, as a girl, and they decided it might help you fit in better if they, ah, hid things.”

“Hid things?” I reached for my crotch again, more gingerly this time, and felt again. And gasped.

“Now, it’s not permanent, and you can’t have sex,” well that’s a relief, at least, “but I told them about your cheerleading and the other girls not knowing-“

“That I know-“

“Yes, now stop interrupting me.” She tickled me for a bit, and I was too busy squirming to comment back. “Anywho, you look like any other girl down there now, so there’s NO chance that they’ll find out now if they haven’t already, unless you’re engaging in other extracurricular activities in the show-“

“EEEWWW, MOM!” She just laughed at me, the perv. “Did you have to do it? No, sorry, I know, it’s to help.”

“Yes, honey. Trust us.” I did, but it still didn’t make me any happier. They might as well have cut it off too, for all the good it’d do me now. I cried again. At this rate I’d be all girl before Christmas, and thanks to my stupid body I didn’t really have a choice.

“Mom?”

“Yes?” She still hadn’t let me go, thank God.

“I don’t think Dane’s coming back.” I was crying just a bit still, but after how far things had come it was kind of anticlimactic to accept the obvious.

“You’re still the same person sweetie, and we still love you. And if you wanted to we’d try and help you be a guy again.”

“But it’d be almost impossible, wouldn’t it?” She nodded. “Do you think you’ll be okay if I end up you’re daughter?”

“I already think you’re the most wonderful child in the world, and whether a son or a daughter me and your dad will love you just the same.”

===

We stopped by the salon on the way home from the hospital, and she touched up my hair and trimmed the dead ends off before waxing things, which I absolutely hate but know is necessary now, and if I’m gonna get it done it might as well be while I still have painkillers in my system. And I don’t know why, but she’d picked out the pink halter dress I’d been stuck in that first day for me to wear home. It was significantly tighter in the chest than the last time I’d worn it, which had coincidentally been the first time, and fit different in the hips too, but when I mentioned this all Mom did was give me a ‘duh’ look. “Of course, sweetie, your figure is more mature than it was then, and even just a few weeks can make a big difference at your age.” Oh, who knew? I mean, I guess I shoulda, but still. “Oh, that looks so cute on you! I really wish you’d just wore it home that first time.”

“And what would you have said if your son had walked in like this?” I gave her a little twirl.

“The exact same thing.” And surprisingly I knew she would have too.

“Mom?”

“Yeah, sweetie?”

“Thanks.” I walked up to her and gave her the biggest hug I could, and she happily returned it. “I feel so lucky that you and Dad are my parents.”

“And we’re so lucky that you’re our child, whoever you decide to be.”

===

I’d missed Monday ‘cause I was still pretty sore down there, and was given an excuse to get out of cheer practice for a week at least, but after a few really gross hygiene lessons from Mom and a long nervous pause I was up and ready when Patty arrived Tuesday morning. She gave me a huge hug of her own, and after a few digs at me about pads and stuff we were off to school. James was happy to see me, and joined us at our table for lunch instead of going to his normal table, and even seemed happy when I told him my parents wanted to meet him for real, but not nearly as happy as the other cheerleaders were to hear that little piece of gossip. Things seemed to be going really well up until that afternoon when I got called to the Principal’s office.

“Good Evening, Miss Phoenix.”

“Good evening, Sir.”

“Please, sit down, I assure you you’re not in any trouble, leastways not with us.” I sat down quickly and looked intensely at him and Miss Cole both waiting behind his desk for me to get comfortable. As soon as I was settled, he seated himself in his own chair and placed his elbows on the table, steepling his fingers. “We called you in today because we received a threatening note from a Mr. Robert Shaw, telling us that the longer we put up with I quote ‘this abomination unto God’ the longer we’d burn in hell. Now, I personally think quite highly of you,” he gave me a wide smile, the first I’d seen on his face for a student, “and so does Miss Cole and the teachers who are aware of your situation. It’s a very brave thing you’re doing, and I promise you, if he tries anything on school grounds we WILL prosecute, but we’re still afraid for your safety. I’ve known Robert for a few years as his daughters used to attend school here, and I always thought he was a fair man, but this isn’t the Robert Shaw I knew. Something’s happened, and until we get to the bottom of it I’m going to have to ask you not to walk home in the afternoons.”

“But sir, my mom and dad both work, late on some days, and I can’t just ask them to pick me up every afternoon.”

“That’s okay, me or Miss Cole will take both you and Patty home in the evenings if that is okay with you. If not, we’ll try and find either another teacher or a student who can do it.”

I was afraid of what trouble was going to come of all the potentials for my outing that seemed to have arose lately, but I was still confused. I’d always heard that school faculty was supposed to be all prudish and against stuff and people like me. “Sir, thank you, but if I can ask, why are you being so helpful?” Mr. Akyroyd stood up and shifted his eyes towards Miss Cole in an enquiring manner. She just nodded and stood up, taking his hand and coughing lightly.

“Because the principal is my big brother,” she started, which was news to me, “And I used to be his little brother Taylor,” which was even bigger news indeed. All I could do is sit and listen as they told me her story.

===

What, thought I was gonna tell? Would you tell someone else’s biggest secrets to anyone? I didn’t think so.

===

“So you’ve been on hormones for a little over a month now?”

“Well, I thought they were hormones. Turns out they were trying to block the estrogen in my system but it didn’t work.”

“But don’t you mean testosterone blockers?”

“No, why would I?”

===

“You mean when we were talking about hormones ya’ll thought-“

She laughed. “Yes, we thought you WANTED to be a girl. If we’d known you were trying to be a guy we’d have pulled you out immediately. Do you want us to?”

“No! I mean, it doesn’t really matter any more since I can’t be a guy anyways.”

“Why not?”

===

“Oh, that’s horrible! I mean, I wanted to be a girl, but to be forced like you have…”

“It’s not been that bad. The girls on the team have all been really nice, and NO, I haven’t told them. I guess it’s just nice to be accepted instead of picked on, you know?” She nodded.

“I know exactly what you mean.”

“Heh.” I had a funny thought. “It’s kinda cool that TB- sorry, Thomas Brody, he used to be the worst about picking on me- seems more scared of me now than I ever was of him.”

“Well, you are a very pretty girl. He’s probably intimidated by that, most guys are.” I just blushed.

===

“So, do you think people would understand if they knew?”

Miss Cole looked pensive for a moment before responding. “I think that in your unique situation they’d understand better than most. But I still don’t recommend outing yourself.” I nodded, and shuddered at the thought.

===

“You two have a good night,” Miss Cole told me and Patty as we pulled up into my apartment complex’s driveway, but were stopped dead when we saw Mr. Shaw standing in front of the doors of the building with several other people, all dressed in suits and nice dresses, and looking very very angry. “You girls wait here a moment.”

“But Miss Cole,”

“Shush. I’ll be right back.” She locked the doors when she got out but left the keys with us before heading up to the group lying in wait outside my house. I could hear yelling, and more than once I saw them start waving books around towards her, but after a bit she just turned around and came back to the car with an exasperated expression on her face, and after climbing back in she grabbed the wheel and squeezed until her knuckles turned white. “Those bastards!”

“What’s going on?” Things were starting to scare me, and over her shoulder I could see a few of the people from the group starting to approach the car.

“No wonder he’s changed, that bastard’s gotten himself and his girls associated with some kind of group of religious fanatics. They’re threatening to take you away and ‘force the demon outta ya’ whatever they mean by that. Come on, we’re goin’ to ya’ll’s mom’s salon. Can one of ya’ll give them a call and let them know I need to talk with them when we get there?” I already had my cell phone out and was ringing through before she’d finished talking.

When we got to the salon, though, we were greeted by a sight almost identical to the one at the house. I could see our moms trying to fight their way through the crowd to get to us, but nobody would move and let them through. As soon as we were stopped people started crowding around the car, yelling at us and saying mean nasty things I’d rather not repeat. I was like SO scared I just grabbed on to Patty as tightly as I could in the back seat while Miss Cole borrowed my cell and called the police. She said the officer told us to just hang tight and they’d be there soon, but we were all three really scared, and then I heard the popping sound, and when I looked there was a long metal piece being taken out of the door and it was OPENING AND PATTY SCREAMEDANDTHEYGRABBEDMEAND–

===

“It isn’t there I’m tellin’ ya!”

“Well, check the other one! He said that one of ‘em was a sick little trannie and I know George wouldn’t lie about something like that.”

“I checked both of ‘em out already, I tole’ ya already! They’s both girls!”

“SHIT!” I felt somebody smack me across the face again, and this time the force threw me from the chair they’d tied me up and set me in. I tried to yell, or cry out, or at least spit the blood out, but the nasty rag they’d shoved in my mouth kept me from being able to say or do anything, and the ropes HURT and I needed to use the bathroom like SO BAD but the foot that caught me in the stomach took care of that. “Get these bitches cleaned up and make ‘em tell ya where they took the little faggot or so help me I’ll cut YOUR dick off.” A startled yelp from the other person in the room was the only answer.

===

I eased my eyes open and through the blurriness I could just make out the form of someone laying on the floor across from me. As my vision returned I saw it was Patty, but when I tried to make it over to her I found I couldn’t move. I tried to look around behind me to see what was holding me and I saw that they’d duct taped my ropes to some pipes coming up out of the floor behind me, and when I could see better I saw they’d done the same thing to Patty, tied us up as prisoners in this dark smelly little room in god knows where. But they’d untied my mouth at least.

“Patty?” It hurt to speak, but I had to know she was okay. “Patty! Answer me!” She wasn’t moving, and I was getting even more scared than I’d already been. I could hear sirens off in the distance somewhere, and shouting in a room nearby, but I didn’t have any hope that the police were there to help us.

We were going to die, taped to rusted pipes. And I’d pissed myself, too. I wanted to scream again and again, try to get someone, but I didn’t have the energy. I was too tired, hungry, and sore. So I slid down as much as I could and just waited to die.

I hope it will be soon.

===

They came in and beat us again. They took the rag out of my mouth and tried to make me tell them things, but would hit me before I could talk. I tried to tell them it was me, and I tried to scream when they tried to get Patty to wake up by hitting her, but my mouth hurt, and my throat was too dry.

I just wanted to die. Maybe if I died they’d let Patty go. Please.

===

“SIR, we found them sir!”

Where are they? Jeezus! Get them untied and outside quick!” A harsh static sound erupted, but was cut off quickly. “Unit 13 to Unit 79, get those paramedics in to the basement, we found the girls, status critical. NOW!” Warm arms wrapped around me as the bindings on my wrists came free, and I heard the voice from right next to my ear, “It alright, you’re safe now, we gotcha.”

===

There was that beeping again. I heard that not too long ago too. What was it again?

The hospital. Surgery. Kidnapped. I tried to turn my head and look at the beeping thing, but it hurt to move, and all I oculd do was let out a moan.

“Sweetie? Dana? She’s waking up!” My dad’s voice came from the side opposite the beeping, and was a much more attractive option than a computer, so I tried to look that way with little more success. “Just lie still, baby doll. Your mom’ll be here soon.” I felt his strong arms pick me up around my shoulders, and almost gasped in pain at the force behind his hug, but held it in so he wouldn’t stop. It was the first time in a long time my dad had given me a hug like this, and it felt too nice to let go. I started weeping into his shoulder, and felt him doing the same thing as he stroked my hair. “It’s all right baby girl, you’ll be fine. We’re here, Daddy’s here.” More hugs from behind, and this time I could smell my mom’s perfume. I finally was starting to feel safe again, but a terrible thought floated up and I squirmed until they loosened up a bit.

I tried to talk, but my throat was too dry, so Daddy had to give me a drink first. “Patty…” I croaked, my voice still very weak and weird sounding. “Where’s Patty?” I managed to pry my eyes open too, muscle control starting to come back, and looked at my dad, who smiled down at me.

“She’s alright, she’s in the bed next to you. She regained consciousness yesterday, but with the spasms you were having in your sleep they kept you under sedation an extra day.”

“What day is it?”

“Sweetie, it’s Saturday. The police didn’t track down where they took you until Thursday, and we were just thankful they got you that fast. They said you were pretty badly beaten up, and were worried your jaw might have been broken, but it should be okay.” My mom paused for a moment to look at me, and seemed to consider the options before continuing on. “The police said they got there just in time. From what they found out from their interrogations, another day and you two would have been either badly mutilated or dead. Some of the talkers said they were planning to cut you two up to see if there were any boy parts hidden away. OH, Sweetie, I’m sorry!!!” She’d been fighting back the tears the entire time she’d been talking, but they were in the end too much for her and she broke down into sobs, holding onto me and just crying. But I was better. I was with my mom and dad, Patty was okay, and soon I’d be going home.

And I was alive.

===

I almost looked normal with the makeup covering the bruises on my face, and it was getting cool enough I could wear long sleeves to hide the rest. I headed out to join Patty in the living room while we waited on my mom to finish getting ready and give us a ride to school. I’d had to argue with her for like two hours last night to get her to let me go to school today, but I told her I’d missed enough last week, and since the police took my statement yesterday and we’d been lucky and kept away from the press there was no real reason to stay home anyways. She’d finally given in, but she was driving us there and back. I wasn’t about to argue.

We were both wearing skirts today because of how sore we were. They’d been really rough in ‘examining’ us, and even tore Patty’s hymen somehow, with the lawyers using that to add rape charges onto the kidnapping, battery, and all the other stuff they were going away for. Mr. Shaw was getting off lightly on child endangerment charges ‘cause ‘he didn’t assist in the actual kidnapping’ or whatever. Neither of us were appearing at the trial to testify, but from what they said there was enough evidence against all the others that we didn’t need to, and I was glad of it. I know it’s wrong of me, but I really hoped they’d be stuck in there forever. I never did anything to them, and the news said they were still trying to justify their kidnapping (which me and Patty were left anonymous victims, thank god) using God’s word as proof of their divinity or whatever. I always heard that God was supposed to love everyone, so how can anybody try and use him as an excuse for being so cruel and uncaring? I really can’t understand it, and to be honest, I hope I never do.

We were just getting ready to leave when another car pulled into the parking lot directly behind us. At first I thought it was someone else out to get me, or one of the newspaper and TV people who had been trying to get around the police not wanting my picture out, and I got really scared and gripped Patty’s hands tightly. But then I recognized the car. “James?” He got out of the car and shuffled a moment, but quickly went up to Mom’s window and bend down, grinning.

“Hello Missus Phoenix, I was wondering if it’d be okay if I gave Dana and Patty a ride to school today?” Mom looked unsure for a moment, but when I reached forwards and gave her arm a squeeze to let her know it was alright, she nodded. “I promise not to do anything.”

“It’s okay, James. If my daughter trusts you, I do.” We got out and loaded our bags and things into his car, and were quickly off for school. This arrangement worked better for Mom ‘cause she didn’t have to be as late for work, but the drive was kinda uncomfortable at first. Finally, after what seemed like an hour James just snorted and said “Boy, you two girls really stirred the school up with that kidnapping thing.” My eyes shot open, but I just stared straight forwards and gripped the seatbelt as hard as I could. Oh god, they knew! “What I wanna know though is why didn’t you tell me?”

“Tell you what?” Deny, Deny, Deny. It was my only hope, but James wasn’t buying it.

“That you’re a transsexual.”

“Oh, that.” Shit! Shit shit shit shit shit! I prepared for another beating, or him running the car headlong into a light pole or something. The last thing I expected was him to laugh.

“Did you think I’d wanna hurt you or something?” Huh? “You did, didn’t you?” I nodded and cringed some more, my brain not being able to process the difference between what I expected and what was actually happening. “You know, being on the cheerleading team I thought you woulda noticed by now since you see us both every day.” Now I was even confuseder- er, more confused. He laughed again, not mocking, but like he actually found the situation hilarious. “Miss Cole is my Aunt, guys.” Wait, what was James’s last name? A… Adams, no… Ackerson… Arron… Akron… Akyroyd!

“Oh, god, you’re the principal’s son?” He glanced towards me and shook his head.

“My dad’s his older brother. Daniel Akyroyd III.”

“Oh, NO, Dan Akyroyd?”

“No relation to the actor. And trust me, we’ve heard all the wisecracks too.” It was enough of a tension breaker that I ended up giggling for a little bit, but when he reached over and grabbed my hand I jerked back a bit. “Hey, it’s okay. I still really like you a lot you know.” I just snorted.

“Yeah, right, the big hunky soccer player dating the tranny freak, that’d go over real well.”

“Oh, so you think I’m hunky huh?” I just blushed. He paused for a moment, but continued. “You look real cute when ya do that.” So I did it some more. “Guys, you’d be surprised.”

“What, you’re gonna stand by Dana even when she’s a social leper now? You’d really throw your friends away for her? I doubt it.” Patty was finally speaking up, and I could hear both the anger in her voice and the concern. “Just who all knows about this anyways? Did you figure it out on your own, or do we need to make you turn this car around right now and take us home, ‘cause I’m not gonna let you put my sis in any danger.” God, I love ya Patty.

It was his turn to speak, and the indignation in his tone was clear as day as he responded. “Hell yes I’d stand by Dana over my friends! My aunt told me about what happened when she moved away to try and transition. People beat her and mocked her and were really bad. I could see the hurt in her eyes when she told me, and I promised her I’d never let that happen to anybody else when I was around. I don’t know how things were when you were a boy, but I promise you, if anybody tries anything, I’ll be right next to you.” He squeezed my hand tightly when he said that, and I don’t know how I knew but I KNEW he was telling the truth. I started crying, stupid hormones trying to ruin my makeup, but they were tears of pride this time. “Besides, like I said, you’d be surprised. You WILL be surprised. I’m sorry I didn’t know you before, uh, all this, and I’m sorry you’re so scared of people.”

“Brody.” ‘Nuff said.

“Just let me deal with him.”

“And me.” Patty added. I might have a black belt, but I was still small, and she was darn close to having two.

“Besides, ever since you showed up in a skirt word is most all the guys at school think you’re hot, him included. Heh, one of the guys told me he has a picture of you in his locker.”

“WHAT!” Brody? A picture of me? EWW!

“Just what I heard. I promise you’ll be safe at school, I think of you as a girl and I don’t think many people are gonna argue with a jock who’s related to the principal, do you?”

===

And we were. There were a few nasty comments, and a couple of attempts to push me around, but it wasn’t what it could have been. And everybody knew. Brody was a jerk again, but was kept away by James, and when the stronger boy nearly shoved HIM in a locker he left me alone. And everybody knew. I got hit on by some of the less friendly gay students who’d avoided me like the plague even when I was a guy, most of them thinking since I was a ‘trannie’- rhymes with dog vomit- I was easy, but Patty set them straight with a few well placed jibes and questions to sexual standards of her own, God love her. And everybody knew. And the longer the day went on, the less they seemed to care. I thought it’d be a big deal, but it never crossed my mind I’d be a one hour wonder.

Steven and the gang were a little bit of a surprise. He just walked right up to me in the middle of the hall with Adam and them, and after looking at James, dipped me and gave me a huge theatrical kiss. When he let me back up I could hear applause all around us.

“Gaming next weekend?” I just nodded. “Great!” And he walked off with the others in tow. James came up to me and gave me a strange look, so I gave him a hug to let him know he was still safe.

But the biggest surprise was the cheerleaders. I was expecting them to be my biggest detractors or whatever, but instead the instant I walked in the door I was surrounded by a group hug from almost all of them. Lisa was right at the front and held on just a bit longer than the others. “Oh my god Dana are you okay? We heard about the kidnapping and I was like ‘oh no they’re gonna kill her’ and I called all the other girls and we were so WORRIED! My mom even pulled her State support for the gymnastics team when she found out that horrible man kicked you out, may he rot in hell! You’re-“

I gaped for a moment. “You mean you don’t hate me?”

“For what, getting kidnapped and nearly raped by those stupid-“

“NO. For… for being a… a boy?” I stared at my shoes, waiting for the shocked gasps or the slap or a knife in the back or something, so I tensed up a lot, ready for the worst.

Instead, she hugged me again. “Oh, heavens no! Besides,” she dropped to a whisper right next to my ear, “I knew you were a boy all along.”

“WHAT!”

===

They were hesitant to tell me the story at first, but when I threatened to call the principal and Miss Cole in to find out for me they relented. It was meant to be a big joke, get the little boy to try out for cheerleading for a little bit of fun. Then they saw I could actually do it, and thought why not? Things just kinda snowballed from there, with Shelby’s parents putting up the money for the clothes ‘cause they thought it was a great joke (which told me exactly where here sense of humor came from,) and then it wasn’t a joke any more ‘cause they actually LIKED me, and thought of me as one of the group. Me and Patty were pissed at first to say the least.

“So, let me get this straight. You decided to pretend you thought I was a girl, and stuck me on the squad, not ‘cause I was good, but as a JOKE?”

“NO! I mean, well, yes, but you really were good otherwise we wouldn’t have put you on! Honest, we weren’t gonna tell anybody, it was just supposed to be between the cheerleaders…”

“I don’t care! That was wrong, and the trouble you could have- no, you DID get me in- I don’t know if I wanna be a cheerleader any more if that’s the kinda thing ya’ll do for a joke.”

“But Dana, please! We really do like you, and you’re like one of the best! Don’t, we’ll do anything!” Oh, she was gonna regret that.

“Anything?” She just nodded. Gooooood. I looked at Patty, who grinned at me, and we huddled for a moment. Everybody else started looking nervous. I just gave them the toothiest, most evil sneer I could.

===

Ooh, I was feeling better already.

===

“Ohgod, NO!”

“YES! You said ANYTHING, remember?”

She thought about it. “No bloomers-“

“For ANY of you ‘cept me and Patty-“

‘-for the rest of the year?” She was sweating badly, but I was grinning like the cat who got the cream. Or, in this case, the bloomers.

“Or, you and Nancy could come out as lesbians to the entire school.”

“WHAT!!!” This time Nancy joined her in screeching.

“AND, you have to kiss each other. In front of the entire school, at the next game.”

“Oh, BABY that’s hot!”

“SHELBY!”

===

Le sigh. “All in all, I think things could have gone a lot worse for my return to school.”

“Well I’ll say.” Patty was carrying my bag for me while James carried my books, and my own arms were full of flowers and cards and things from all the other kids who wanted to support me. “You doin’ practice this afternoon? I know you can’t join back up yet, but I bet everyone’d love you to come anyways.” I gave it maybe a second’s thought.

===

“Go, go go,
Go you mighty Cougars,
Fight, fight fight,
Fight you mighty Cougars,
Win, win win,
Win you mighty Cougars,
Go, Fight, Win,
And bring those trophies in!”

I love being a cheerleader.

===

END of Oh, Cheers. Comments appreciated!

===

Final Notes: Thank you all for reading my story. I’ve had a lot of fun writing it, and I hope you’ve all enjoyed it. The two ‘Time Out’s will be out soon, but until then, here’s a listing of all the ‘movies’ Dana and his friends have seen as well as anticipated films and alternates I considered should you want to check them out. I would like to point out at this time that I neglected to ask the authors’ permissions to mention these works in mine, and should they have complaints about my usage I will replace them, though I hope that doesn’t happen!

Part 1:
‘8 Dragons’, ‘The Song of Chi’i’, and ‘Spent Cicada’s Song’ are all by the wonderful Rebekkah De Mere, and are available on Bev’s Balcony and Sapphire’s Place.
===alternate===
‘Wateley Academy’ is a wonderful story universe as well along some similar lines, and has stories available I know here at BC and at Sapphire’s Place, as well as their very own site ‘The Crystal Palace’.
‘MORFS’ is a great universe too, and there are stories from the futuristic setting available here at BC, Fictionmania, Crystal’s Story Site, Sapphire’s Place, and the MORFS homepage, knowwheretogo.

Part 2:
‘Firefly: Connecting Flight’ is Randalynn’s excellent fanfic available as far as I know exclusively here at BC, and will hopefully be continued soon :P
===alternate===
‘Kelly Girl’ by Wanda Cunningham is a beautiful coming of age story that I hope is continued soon as well, and is available here and at Crystal’s Story Site as well as in printed form, so get buyin’!
‘Price to Pay’ is by Alys and available here at BC, another great coming of age tale with a more serious bent than ‘Kelly Girl’ but still absolutely fantastic.

Part 3:
‘Belle of the Ball’ is by E.E. Nalley and covers the adventures of the amazing Southern Belle as she fights evil and finds a few friends- and enemies- along the way. Available at Stardust and Sapphire’s Place.
‘Zapped!’ is by Bob Arnold, and tells the epic legend of Jennifer Stevens as she deals with the incredible accident that led to- well, read it to find out! Available here at BC, Sapphire’s Place, Crystal’s Story Site, and at Stardust.
===alternate===
‘Of Masks and Marvels’ is by the very talented Bek D. Corbin, and is a fantastic superhero adventure featuring the incredible Lady Lightning available at Sapphire’s Place.
‘Gaby’ is Maddy Bell’s signature work revolving around the misadventures of Drew/Gaby Bond. Available here at BC, Sapphire’s Place, Crystal’s Story Site, Bev’s Balcony I do believe, and at her home site of Maddybell.com.
‘Homecoming Princess’ and ‘Show Me the Money’ are both by Arecee Em, and two stories nobody should miss. Check them out here at BC, or ‘Homecoming Princess’ is also available at Crystal’s Story Site as well.

‘Green Acres: The Musical’ as far as I know doesn’t actually exist, and I am very thankful for that.

‘Cara Malone’ is the main character from ‘No Half Measures by Jenny Walker, available on BC, and Michelle Grayson is from ‘I’m With the Band’ by Melanie Brown, available at Sapphire’s.

It is likely these titles are available on other sites as well, but I might have very well missed them as I mostly stick roundabout here. If you know of other places to find them, including Fictionmania which is both extremely likely and one place I never visit , don’t hesitate to let me know so I can update the plugs :)

Melanie E.