Byline chapter 21

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Copyright © 2021 Peregrine
All rights reserved.
Disclaimer:
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

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chapter 21

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I was in an emotional quandary after my conversation with Hannah at the party. She believed Kevin was planning something for Christmas. The way she talked, it had to mean he was planning to propose during the Holiday season. We haven’t been going out long enough for him to propose. I thought about Abbey. It happened for her.

What would I do if he did propose? I imagined him on one knee showing me a ring asking me to marry him. I could see myself covering my mouth not believing it was happening. Then me excitingly saying yes. He’d put the ring on my finger and we’d kiss. I’d be one happy girl. But I’m a guy. I can’t say yes. This can’t be happening. I want it to happen. But I don’t want it to happen.

I was tired of sitting around worrying about what might happen. I could solve the whole problem very quickly. I could tell him I’m in transition. Tell him I’m a guy in the process of becoming a woman. If I didn’t think he would break up with me when I told him, I would have told him by now. But I don’t want to stop going out with him. I decided to say I was busy when he called. Tell him I was helping Abbey with her wedding plans. Maybe squeeze him in for a date once or twice before the holidays. I didn’t know what else to do to deter him.

I didn’t have to wait long to try my plan.

“How’s Friday looking for you,” he asked.

“Friday’s not good. I’m busy the whole weekend.”

“The whole weekend? What up?”

“I told you my sister is getting married. I’ll be with her at my mother’s this weekend.”

“Didn’t you say the wedding was next September?”

“I said they were planning for next September. We’re going to be looking at venues, reserving her date at the church and start looking for a wedding dress and bridesmaid’s dresses.”

“Well if something changes give me a call.”

I hated lying to him. I wasn’t a total lie. Abbey was going to be at my mother’s house this weekend. Abbey was going to determine a date for the wedding and call the church to see if it was available. She was going to see what dates were available for the venues. It wasn’t going to be the whole weekend and I wouldn’t be going until she went to look for her wedding dress. For the moment, I felt I had dodged a bullet. I stayed in that weekend. I took advantage of some of the premium channels that were on my cable.

Kevin called again the following Tuesday.

“How did things go with your sister’s wedding plans?”

“So-so. She didn’t get as far as she wanted. Trying to work some dates out with the church. She found some venues she likes but needs a wedding date or dates before she can lock it in. She’ll probably get the dates this week and call the venues. It’ll be another weekend of wedding planning.”

“So you’re busy again this weekend.”

“Afraid so.”

“Are you free on Thursday? We could get an early dinner. There’s a restaurant near the bowling alley on Market Street. Do you bowl? We could play a game or two after dinner. It’ll be an early night. We both have work tomorrow.”

That sounded safe to me, dinner after work. I’d wear a skirt and top to work, bring a pair of leggings to change into so I wouldn’t have to bowl in a skirt.

“That’s a nice idea. I haven’t gone bowling for a long time.”

“See you Thursday. I’ll meet you at work.”

~~0~~

My date with Kevin went fine. Dinner was good and bowling was fun. I normally am a decent bowler but I made an effort to only break one hundred once. He didn’t say anything about Christmas during our bowling date. Kevin and I kissed at my building door. I waved as he turned to leave.

“Good evening Miss Cummings. You two have fun tonight?”

“Hi, Henry. We did. We went bowling.”

“Sounds like fun. How did you do?”

“I let him win every game.”

“Good move,” he said.

I laughed. “Oh wait.” I reached into my bag and put a peanut butter cup on the desk. “This is for you. Have a good night, Henry.”

“I will now Miss Cummings. Thanks. Good night.”

I saw Henry pick up the peanut butter cup as the elevator doors closed.

~~0~~

I still couldn’t get Hannah’s conversation out of my mind. I called Jo. She said to meet at the club on 13th street. We got inside and order drinks. After my last experience here, I had a cola. They didn’t make milkshakes. I told her what I thought Kevin was planning.

“Do you really think he’s going to propose? You’ve not even been going out 3 months. It’s got to be something else. Maybe he’s going to invite you to spend a weekend with him.”

“I don’t think that’s something he would do. He told me he doesn’t believe in sex before marriage. I don’t know what else it could be.”

“It could be anything. Did Hannah actually say he was going to propose?”

“Not in those words. That was the feeling I got from her. What else is something special during the Christmas season.”

“If he proposes, what do you plan to do?”

“I don’t know. I want to say yes but I can’t. He thinks I’m a woman. He would think he’s proposing to a woman. I can’t say yes.”

“Then you have nothing to worry about,” Jo said.

“What do you mean?”

“Let’s say he does propose. No matter how you feel, you can’t say yes. You say no, you act distraught and run away crying. He feels like a fool and is crushed. The two of you break up and your worries are over. You never have to tell him you’re a guy.”

“God, I wish it was that easy.”

“You didn’t ask him to propose.”

“Isn’t that what society expects? You go out with someone to see if you consider them a mate. If you do, you propose,” I said.

“Yeah, and society also expects the guy to make the decision and to ask. A woman can propose but how often do you hear of that happening. Hey, I think we just came up with something for your article.”

“You know you just might have given me another angle,” I said.

We heard a siren outside and saw flashing lights outside the club. I thought of Kevin what he might be doing right now.

“We have to cut this short. I’m meeting someone shortly. I’ll walk you out.”

Outside we saw a crowd. Jo asked someone what was going on. “Someone collapsed on the sidewalk. They’re working on him now. Think about what I said.” We hugged. She even gave me a kiss. I think that was a first. I found a cab and headed to my apartment.

I thought about what Jo had said on the ride home. If he does propose all I have to do is say no. Then the relationship is over and I don’t have to tell him I’m a guy. But I don’t want the relationship to end.

~~0~~

I sighed as I pushed some hair away from my face. It had been like this all day at work. Something seemed to be off. Everything I did seemed to take longer than it should. My mood brightened when I got a call from Kevin just before quitting time. I had decided to keep going out with him until or if he popped the question. He asked me to meet him at Starbucks. I checked my hair and fixed my makeup before I left and went to meet him.

Kevin was already sitting at a table when I arrived. I saw him deep in thought holding onto his coffee cup. Could he be thinking about proposing today? I didn’t think he saw me when I walked in. I ordered a cold vanilla latte. I picked it up and walked over to the table. He had a strange troubled look on his face. It was not a look that said he wanted to propose.

“Hi Kevin. I am glad you called.” I slid into the chair across from him. “It’s been a strange day. From the way you look, it seems you had a trying day also.”

“It’s been a bad day. I’ve had something on my mind all day.”

I tried to tell him about my day. He barely responded. He seemed uninterested. I didn’t like the vibe I was getting from him.

“Kevin, something is bothering you. Tell me about it. Maybe I can help.”

His head came up. His eyes burned into mine. “You can’t help,” he said. I went to touch his hand. He pulled his hand away as if I had touched him with a cigarette. The action startled me and I pulled my hand back.

“Kevin? What’s wrong?”

He opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something then lowered his head.

“Kevin? What’s wrong?”

“Look, I saw you there.”

“You saw me where?”

“Outside that lesbian club the other night.” Those blue eyes burned into mine again.

“You saw me at the club?”

“We responded to a call. A guy collapsed. After we got him stabilized, I happened to look around and I saw you. You were with another girl. You were hugging and kissing her.”

I could believe it. He had seen me with Jo while waiting for the cab. He had seen our goodbye hug and her kissing me.

“That was Jo. She’s a friend from college.”

“Is she a lesbian?”

“Yes, she is.” I didn’t like his tone.

“I don’t want you to see her again.” What the hell does he think he’s doing.

“Because she’s a lesbian? Would you not have helped that guy the other night if he was gay?”
“Of course not.

If it had been a woman and you knew she was a lesbian, would you have treated her?”

“Of course I would,” he said. “This is not about me. It’s about you. It’s about us.”

“What do you mean?”

“If we’re going to continue to go out, I don’t want you seeing her again.

“Kevin, you can’t tell me who I can be friends with.”

“You’re free to live your life and be friends with who you like. I won’t be in your life anymore if you’re friends with her.”

“You’re breaking up with me because I’m friends with Jo? Because I’m friends with a lesbian. This is crazy.”

“Are you a lesbian?”

“No,” I said. I wanted to say I can’t be. I’m a guy.

“Then stop seeing her.”

“She’s my friend from college. She’s a good friend. You’re being ridiculous.”

“What’s it going to be?”

“I’m not going to stop being friends with her because you want me to.”

“Then we’re over.” He stood up to leave.

“Because I have a friend who is a lesbian? You can’t mean that.”

“I’m sorry Casey. It’s over. I thought you were something special.” I looked up with tears in my eyes as he threw his cup in the trash.

“Kevin!”, I called out.

Without looking back, he walked out the door.

I sat there in shock staring at the door as it closed. “You can’t tell me who to be friends with,” I said to myself. I cried. I didn’t care who was there or who saw me. Kevin had walked out of my life because I’m friends with Jo. As soon as I was composed I left. I started walking and found myself at my old apartment building. I walked through the lobby door, went to my old apartment and knocked on the door. The door opened. Abbey saw me, her eyes and mouth opening wide. “Casey? What are you…, Oh no! Oh, honey. What happened?”

“He doesn’t want to see me.” I started to cry again. Abbey hugged me. I continued crying on her shoulder. She shuffled me into the room and closed the door. I didn’t say a word. I cried as she stroked my hair.

“Calm down. It’s going to be alright, shh.”

I don’t know how long we stayed like that.

I began to calm down and Abbey had me sit on the sofa. She left momentarily to get me some water and a box of tissues. “Thanks,” I said. I took a sip of the water then dabbed at my eyes with a tissue. I realized my makeup must be a mess.

“I think I can guess but tell me what happened,” Abbey said.

Between sobs, I told Abbey about feeling strange all day, Kevin calling, our meeting at Starbuck’s and our breakup.

“You have to be kidding. I thought you were going to tell me you had told him you’re a guy. He broke up with you because you’re friends with Jo? That’s unbelievable. What a piece of shit.”

“It hurts, Abbey. Make it go away.”

“I know sis, I know. I can’t make it go away. I wish I could.”

I started crying again and Abbey reached over and hugged me.

What’s going on with me. I don’t know who I am anymore. Look at me. I’m crying over a guy. I AM a guy. I may not look like a guy. I may not be dressing like a guy. But I’m a guy. Kevin liked me as Casey Jean. I’ll never know if he would have liked me as C J. I am C J. But I’m also Casey Jean.

We stayed that way until I was all cried out. I dabbed my eye some more. I saw the time.

“I better be getting home,” I said.

“No, you’re not leaving. You’re staying here tonight.”

“But Abs…”

“No buts. I don’t want you to be alone tonight. You’re staying here. You can borrow some clothes to wear tomorrow. We’ll make it a sister sleepover.”

“Is that a thing?” I said through a few sniffles.

“I don’t know but it sounded good.”

I smile for the first time in a while. “Thanks, Abs.”

“That’s what sisters are for.”

“You’re the best. I love you, Abbey.”

“I love you too Casey.”

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Thanks for reading. Comments welcome.

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Cover picture Credits
Photo by Daria Sannikova from Pexels
Photo by Valeriia Miller from Pexels
Photo Composite by Peregrine

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