Even though the twins didn’t see Susie again for the rest of the Christmas holidays, they remained on a high until their return to college at the start of January. Having a genuine friend, someone in whom they could confide opened up new possibilities for Luke and Lucy, possibilities that both were eager to explore, but with caution- caution that was validated when the twins went to their counsellor for their first meeting of 2018.

“…Well, I’m glad to hear that you’ve both had a good Christmas,” Dr Adams said to the twins. “And it’s encouraging to hear that you’re making new friends as well, but I’m sure I don’t need to remind you that you will still need to be careful going forward.”

“Well- aye, that’s true,” Luke sighed. “But it’s, you know, progress, right?”

“Oh, definitely,” Dr Adams replied with a warm smile. “When you say ‘progress’, I assume that means that your long-term goals are still to transition, right?” Luke and Lucy both paused as they considered their answer. For years, they’d fantasised about what it would be like to live their live- not just experience life, but truly live it as the opposite gender. Even though they were seeing Dr Adams with their stated goal being to actually transition, neither Luke nor Lucy genuinely believed that goal was attainable and that it would always remain a fantasy. For months, it had seemed to the twins that they were travelling in the wrong direction, but suddenly they were undeniably back on track. And while this made them nervous, they were also excited about the possibilities that lay ahead of them.

“…Yes,” Lucy eventually replied.

“Definitely,” Luke said in a firm voice. “Some days, it- it’s all I can think about.”

“Have you told your new friend this?” Dr Adams asked.

“Yes,” Luke whispered. “And she- she has offered to help in any way she can, but- heh. I’m not sure what help she can actually give, you know?”

“Well, for now, she’s another pair of ears, another shoulder you can lean on for support,” Dr Adams said. “I will always be here when you need me, but it’s important to start building up a network of friends, a support network to help you come out further. Of course, you’ll always have each other, but as time goes by you will find it helpful to have a framework of friends who aren’t- well, who aren’t in the ‘same position as you’.”

“Yeah,” Luke said with a nod.

“Is there anything else that happened over Christmas that you’d like to discuss?” Dr Adams asked, causing Lucy to fidget in her seat as she briefly looked into her brother’s eyes for support.

“…No,” the sixteen-year-old girl eventually replied, though she knew that her counsellor could instantly tell she wasn’t being truthful.

“…Okay,” Dr Adams said hesitantly. “We’ll move on, then. Do you both have your diaries with you?”

“Yep,” Luke replied for the pair of them before handing over the journals that they’d both been keeping, journals that detailed their feelings of depression and dysphoria, and of events that triggered feelings of stress and anxiety. However, Luke also knew that there was something Lucy wasn’t telling her counsellor- the same thing that she omitted from her journal, which she could only discuss with one other person.

The following day, the twins returned to college. Despite the hard work ahead of them, it actually came as a relief for Luke and Lucy to be back in their familiar environment, especially when they were greeted by their newest friend.

“Hey you two!” Susie said with a giggle as she approached the twins. “Did you have a good new year, then?”

“Yeah, wasn’t bad, thanks,” Luke replied, before fidgeting uncomfortably as he saw the awkward look shared by the two girls. “…Okay, this time I AM going to let you two talk privately, heh.”

“Yeah, thanks,” Susie mumbled, before silently leading Lucy to the nearby toilet block. After checking that they were alone, the ginger haired girl took a deep breath before letting out a long sigh.

“…So, then,” Lucy mumbled.

“Yeah,” Susie grimaced. “About that- about that kiss, umm, I-“

“I-“ Lucy interrupted, before grimacing. “I just- ugh, I dunno.”

“Do- do you, you know, like me?” Susie asked hesitantly.

“…A little, maybe,” Lucy mumbled, before sighing again. “Look, Suse, I’ve- I’ve never really, you know, actually kissed anyone before, and I- ugh. Like I said, I dunno. Do- did you, umm, did you, you know, like it?”

“…A little,” Susie mumbled. “Do- do you want to be, you know, girlfriends?” Lucy frowned as Susie grimaced, realising what she’d said too late to prevent the words from leaving her mouth.

“I don’t want to be anyone’s ‘girl’friend at all,” Lucy sighed as she double checked that she and Susie were alone. “Hell, I- I felt a little sick inside just coming in here, to the girls’ toilets, you know?”

“Yeah, sorry, sorry,” Susie sighed. “Guess I’m really going to have to watch what I say, huh?”

“Well- I don’t want you, you know, walking on eggshells around us,” Lucy replied. “I mean, we know you don't mean anything, like, nasty by it, but we- we just, you know, want to be us. On our terms.”

“Well- I’d be a bit of a hypocrite if I argued with that,” Susie chuckled.

“Yeah,” Lucy whispered. “So, umm, do- do you, you know, want to- want to be my, you know, girlfriend?”

“I- I’m not really a ‘girlfriend’ person,” Susie replied with a grimace. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I find you attractive, Luke too, in a kind-of, you know, shy way, but- but I’m just not into, you know, relationships… If you want to, you know, have some ‘fun’, then, you know, that could be cool?”

“Umm, well, I- I’ll think about it,” Lucy chuckled. “Though- heh, don’t tell anyone, but- but I wouldn’t make Luke the same offer, heh.”

“Gotcha,” Susie said with a wink, before sighing sadly. “You know, I- I kinda wish there was more I could do for him, you know? I mean, we can chat privately like this, and I guess you and him obviously can, but I can’t so much as look at him without your dad and my mum planning our wedding, heh.”

“I know what you mean,” Lucy sighed. “And it’s not like he’s gonna make any friends here who’ll be as well, cool as you are, and- heh. It doesn’t help that I keep thinking of ‘him’ as ‘him’. He’s no more ‘him’ than I am ‘her’.”

“Yeah,” Susie mused. “And, well, in a way it’s almost easier for you than for hi- than for your twin.”

“Nice catch,” Lucy said with a smirk. “I’d love to know in what way my twin has it harder than me, though.”

“Well, you show up here in jeans and no make-up and no one’s gonna look twice,” Susie retorted. “If Luke puts on even a scrap of make-up, or a skirt, or anything feminine, he- well, he’ll end up like I did at school.”

“Well- yeah, I suppose there is THAT,” Lucy grumbled. “Though I mean, you know, having to sit down to take a piss doesn’t seem like THAT much of a hardship, it’s basically reminding me every time that, well…”

“There- there’s ‘something missing’?” Susie asked.

“Basically,” Lucy sighed. “Ugh, we- we’d better get to class, don’t want to be late first day back, heh.”

“Yeah,” Susie said, before pausing and grinning.

“…Suse?” Lucy asked. “You okay?”

“Hmm?” Susie replied. “Oh, umm, yeah, I just- I just had an idea, that’s all.”

“Okay, fair enough,” Lucy said with a sigh as the two girls headed to their class.

Over the next few weeks, the twins slowly settled into a new routine. They would attend college throughout the week, they would see their counsellor on Tuesdays, and they’d hang out with Susie at the weekend, usually in Newcastle city centre but occasionally at the twins’ house. On those occasions, Luke had to endure yet more teasing and occasional unwanted and unsolicited ‘advice’ from his father, but as Valentines’ Day passed and it was clear that Luke and Susie had no plans with each other, Paul slowly began to realise that his assumptions about the two teenagers had indeed been incorrect. However, this didn’t prevent the middle-aged man from giving his son yet more unwanted ‘advice’, which included repeated urges to make a move on Susie before it was 'too late'. Unbeknownst to Paul, or even Lucy, Luke had spoken with Susie about the 'offer' that the ginger girl had implicitly made, and both had quickly come to the agreement that the 'offer' would never been taken up. However, both Luke and Susie enjoyed talking with each other, and while Susie was happy to chat with Luke anytime they wanted (and she agreed with Lucy that of the twins, Luke was by far the more feminine), she still wished that there was more she could do for him. Especially as the twins had yet to make any other friends they could rely on.

Eventually, the twins’ seventeenth birthday came around, and it came almost as a relief to them that it fell on a weekday. However, their parents were still determined to make a fuss of them, as was demonstrated when they descended the stairs on that special Thursday morning.

“Happy birthday, you two!” Sarah said, greeting both of her children with a hug that the twins reluctantly reciprocated en route to the sofa, which had been piled high with presents. As with most years, it wasn’t hard to tell whose presents were whose. Lucy quickly deduced that the presents wrapped in pink and silver paper were hers, while the ones in dark blue paper were Luke’s- and, as always, she was right.

“Wow, thanks for all this!” Luke said with forced enthusiasm while Lucy tried her hardest not to sulk.

“You can open one present now,” Paul said. “Just one, the rest’ll still be here when you get back from college.”

“Umm, okay,” Luke said, exchanging a quick glance with his sister that said ‘this is going to suck’ before picking a present out of the pile. Rather than open any presents that were obviously clothes, which Luke knew would disappoint him, he instead picked up a small carefully wrapped box, reasoning that whatever was inside would at least likely be gender neutral. However, Luke had mentally prepared himself anyway for the disappointment he received when he opened the gift to reveal a new electric razor.

“You like it?” Paul asked. “It’s the same model as mine, now that you’re shaving regularly, I figured you’d want something to make it a little easier, heh!”

“Yeah, thanks dad!” Luke said with forced enthusiasm, even as he felt his insides start to churn.

It wasn’t that Luke enjoyed having facial hair, quite the opposite, but he hated shaving just as much as he hated growing the hair in the first place. Every time he shaved, it acted as a reminder that unless he took action to change things, this would be him for the rest of his life. As Luke silently pondered whether or not the razor would work on his wispy leg hair, his eyes passed over the photograph of the male model on the front of the box. While the model was unquestionably objectively attractive, Luke felt nothing as he stared at the image, such was his growing contempt for the male gender. Nonetheless, he forced a smile on his face anyway as he carefully repacked the box and placed it on the sofa next to him.

“This is great, thanks!” Luke said, while Lucy grimaced as she realised it was her turn. Rather than take a present she felt would be 'neutral', as Luke did, Lucy opted to open a present she was certain she wouldn’t like first, in order to get it out of the way as quickly as possible. She reached for a brightly-coloured package that she could immediately tell contained an item of clothing, and as she tore open the wrapping paper, she imagined revealing a new football shirt, or a pair of jeans, or even a plain sweater… Anything other than the sparkly knee-length party dress that was actually contained within the paper.

“I know you’ve got a bit of a tomboy phase going on right now,” Sarah explained as Lucy examined the dress, trying her hardest not to feel disgusted by it. “But that won’t last forever, and that’s a dress you’ll be able to wear anywhere.”

“Yeah,” Lucy said with forced enthusiasm as her palms begin to sweat. “Thanks, mum!”

“You’re very welcome!” Sarah replied, oblivious to her child’s distress. “Now like we said, you can open the rest once you’re back from college, before your grandparents arrive.”

“G- grandma and grandpa are coming round?” Luke asked, his own stress levels starting to increase.

“Well, it’s your birthday, why wouldn’t they?” Paul replied. “I know you’d rather hang out with your friends- well, friend… But it’s just one night and they ARE your grandparents.”

“And think of it this way,” Sarah said, “you’ll be able to wear your new dress!”

“Yeah,” Lucy said with a forced smile. “Great…”

Neither of the twins had smiles on their faces when they arrived at college later that morning, and even the arrival of their best friend did nothing to lift their spirits.

“Hey, happy birthday you two!” Susie giggled, before sighing sadly as she saw the looks on her friends’ faces. “That bad, eh?”

“Could’ve been worse,” Luke sighed. “Will be worse, later tonight, anyway.”

“Don’t tell me- your grandparents are coming round?” Susie asked, smiling sympathetically as the twins both nodded. “Say no more, heh. I have actually got some presents for you, but I- I think I’ll save them until Saturday, if you don’t mind?”

“Oh- no, we don’t mind at all,” Lucy said. “We’re just grateful you got anything for us at all, heh.”

“What, seriously?” Susie chuckled. “After how you spoiled me on my birthday?”

“We chucked a load of stuff in a box, hardly ‘spoiled’,” Luke retorted with a snort of laughter.

“Meh, it still meant a lot to me,” Susie said with a shrug. “I just hope, you know, I can return the favour, heh!”

“Get us out of tonight and we’ll consider that favour returned!” Lucy said with a sigh as the three of them headed toward class.

That afternoon, after the twins had returned from college, they headed up to their bedrooms to prepare themselves for the evening ahead- not just physically, but mentally as well. Luke sighed as he changed out of his tracksuit bottoms and hoodie and stared at the smart trousers, shirt and tie that had been laid out for him. Before he dressed, however, he gazed at the new electric razor on his nightstand, which his father had ‘thoughtfully’ plugged in to charge after he’d left for college. With a sigh, Luke took his ‘gift’ into the bathroom and switched it on, carefully moving the razor over his stubble-covered cheeks just as he had done countless times with his ordinary razor. When he was finished mere minutes later, he gazed at his face in the mirror- it was smooth and free of hair, but still very clearly the face of a boy- a young man, even. However, Luke let out a small smirk as he gazed down at the fine, wispy hairs covering his legs. After ensuring that he was alone, and that no one was going to interrupt him, he gently ran the razor over a small patch of his calf, wincing as the razor pulled at some of the longer hairs. When Luke had finished, he gently stroked the patch of smooth, hairless skin that had been left behind, sighing happily as he imagined his whole legs being hairless, or covered with a thin pair of tights…

Luke let out another sigh, this time one of sadness as he cleaned the hair out of his new razor and returned to his bedroom to change into his smart clothes. As miserable as Luke felt, though, he knew he'd got off lightly when he exited his bedroom and saw his sister stood in her new dress, with thick black tights covering her legs, smart shoes on her feet and a light layer of make-up on her face.

“Not a word, Luke,” Lucy growled. “Not. One. Fucking. Word!”

“Wh- really?” Luke retorted. “You think I of all people was going to say something?”

“Just- just don’t, Luke,” Lucy sighed. “I don’t want to hear ANYTHING, I just- I just want to get through tonight, then we can forget all about this shit.”

“Okay,” Luke whispered, trying to stealthily glance at the dress as they made their way to the stairs, only to grimace when Lucy stopped after 2 steps and glared angrily at him.

“What?” Lucy snapped, fury boiling over behind her eyes.

“I- umm, I was just-“ Luke mumbled, before sighing. “I was just wondering how well the dress would, you know, fit me…” Luke stared at the floor and tried not to cry as his cheeks burned, before flinching as his sister gave him a gentle hug.

“Ugh, Luke, I- I’m sorry,” Lucy sighed. “I know this is probably as hard for you as it is for me, heh. And I- I doubt the dress would fit you anyway, heh.”

“Probably not,” Luke mumbled. “Ugh, let- let’s get this over with, like you said.”

“Yeah,” Lucy replied, giving her brother’s hand a gentle squeeze for support before leading him down to the living room, where their parents and grandparents were both waiting for them.

“Wow, don’t you two look grown-up?” The twins’ grandmother gushed as Luke and Lucy stood before them, feelings like soldiers being inspected. “I can remember just a few years ago when you were knee high to a grasshopper!” The twins tried not to fidget as they glanced over at their grandfather, who was clearly thinking about the same birthday that they were, when they came down the same flight of stairs wearing the clothes they actually wanted to.

“Th- thanks,” Luke mumbled.

“Aye, yas just stan’ there and make us feel even older!” The twins’ grandfather said with an obviously forced chuckle. “Year from now I’ll have two adult grandchildren, heh!”

“It’s no’ any easier for us!” Paul chuckled. “Eighteen months from now they’ll have flown the nest, off to university and then god knows where, heh!”

“Well, enjoy it while it lasts,” Eileen said with a grin. “And you two make sure to enjoy it too! You’re already more than halfway through your teens, before you know it all this time will have flown by, and you’ll be in your twenties and up to your ears in bills!” Luke and Lucy glanced at each other as their grandmother spoke, both thinking the same thing- that in their current bodies, time was more likely to drag than to fly by- though not nearly as much as the evening would.

A short while later, the family were sat around Derek and Eileen’s dining room table, tucking into the fancy dinner that Eileen had prepared and, in the case of the twins at least, trying to hide their extreme feelings of stress.

“Go on, tuck in!” Eileen urged her reluctant-looking grandchildren. “You deserve a special treat on a big day like this!” Luke and Lucy both forced smiles on their faces as they stared down at the roast dinner, complete with Yorkshire puddings, vegetables, gravy and a small mountain of mashed potato, before slowly forcing it into their mouths. Lucy flinched as she felt her stomach grumble with every forkful she swallowed- a feeling not helped by the way her dress clung to her body, constricting her like a python.

“Aye, it might no’ seem as big as tha’ sixteenth or eighteenth, but it’s still worth celebratin’!” Derek said with a proud chuckle. “So, son, when ya gonna teach Luke ta drive?”

“Umm… If I ever get the time!” Paul replied with a chuckle. “Need to get them their provisional licenses first, we’ll be sending off for them next week though, don’t worry!”

“Though we were thinking of getting them both driving lessons in the summer, kind-of as late birthday presents,” Sarah interjected.

“Why’d you do that?” Derek snorted. “Ya can teach ya own son to dive, just like I taught you and my dad taught me!”

“Well- yeah, but I do work full-time,” Paul retorted.

“So?” Derek snorted. “I taught ya on weekends, teach Luke on weekends!”

“Yeah, but you didn’t have two kids to teach,” Paul reminded his father, who simply shrugged in reply.

“So?” Derek said again. “Sarah can teach Lucy, what’s important is that you’re the one to teach your son to drive!” As she listened to her parents and grandparents argue, Lucy felt her stomach churn more and more. She desperately wanted to not just call the old man out on his blatant misogyny, but also tell him and everyone else that in actuality, she WAS her father’s son. She wanted to have her father teach her how to drive, or how to shave, or even how to fish. She wanted the father-son relationship that Luke had long since lost interest in. But most of all, she just wished to no longer be invisible.

“Please- please may I be excused?” Lucy asked, internally screaming at the meekness of her voice.

“Not until you’ve cleaned your plate!” Eileen replied, unknowingly making her granddaughter scream internally as she forced yet another forkful of food down her increasingly narrow throat.

As Lucy struggled with her meal, Luke also felt himself grow increasingly tense. Like Lucy, he wanted to learn how to drive and would be perfectly happy to have his father teach him, were it not for what his grandfather was implying. Derek clearly expected that at some point in the future, Luke would have children of his own, specifically, a son who he would teach how to drive, or how to shave, and with whom he would have to have ‘the talk’… Luke let out an involuntary shudder at the thought, which thankfully didn’t get picked up by the rest of his family- with the exception of his sister, who smiled sympathetically at him even as her own stomach heaved.

“Well, we’ve got time to think about it, anyway,” Paul said, hoping to defuse the situation. “What’s most important is that the two of them enjoy their birthday.”

“Well- aye, I can’t argue with tha’!” Derek chuckled. “Have yas got any plans for tha’ weekend?”

“Umm… Not really,” Luke replied. “Probably just hanging out with Susie, that’s all.”

“Oh?” Derek replied with a wide grin on his face. “Don’t tell me yas finally got yas self a girlfriend?”

“She’s more ‘girl who is a friend’,” Sarah said before Luke had a chance to reply. “She’s Lucy’s friend more than Luke’s.”

“Ah, why’d ya want ta hang out with her instead of a girlfriend or a real friend?” Derek chastised his grandson, who felt himself shrink further into her chair, though not before internally groaning as he instinctively knew that when his grandfather said ‘real friend’, he of course meant ‘male friend’.

“Susie’s fun, that’s all,” Luke mumbled, his cheeks reddening as his grandfather let out a derisive snort.

“Ah, what does it matter who they hang out with?” Paul asked in defence of his child.

“I don’t recall you having any female friends when you were Luke’s age,” Eileen retorted.

“Well- no, no I didn’t,” Paul conceded. “But that was, like, thirty years ago. Times have changed.”

“Too much,” Derek grumbled as the family continued to silently eat their meal, Lucy struggling more and more with every mouthful she swallowed.

Eventually, the family finished their meal, and despite the twins’ desperation to return home and change out of their uncomfortable clothes, their grandparents insisted that they stay for their final 'treat'- a very rich chocolate cake that Eileen had baked that day. As the slice of cake was placed in front of her, Lucy felt two things- anger that her slice wasn't as big as Luke's, but also relief that it wasn't as big as she felt her stomach tie itself into a knot. Even though ordinarily, she loved cake, the mere smell of it, the mere thought of it just made her feel more ill. Every second she spent in her dress and shoes, every second spent with make-up on her face was a second she felt like tearing her own skin off. It was her birthday, and yet she felt like she was being punished. Being made to wear clothes she hated, spend time with grandparents who refused to understand her, force food down to her stomach that just made her feel sick- all of it was torture to Lucy. And the icing on the cake was, in a very literal sense, the icing on the cake. Defiantly, Lucy dug into the cake with her fork and shoved the cake down her throat, almost relishing in the feelings of pain and nausea that washed over her with every bite.

“Delicious, thanks,” the seventeen-year-old girl said, trying her hardest not to retch with every word she said.

Mercifully for the twins, they left the house a short while later, and it required all of Lucy’s willpower to keep her meal down on the car ride home- something that didn’t go unnoticed by her brother. When they reached their home, Lucy wasted no time in discarding her shoes and running up the stairs to the bathroom, with Luke following behind her every step of the way.

“L- Lucy?” The teenaged boy asked as his sister slammed the bathroom door behind her. “Are you alri-“ Luke’s question was answered when a loud retch and the unmistakable sound of liquid hitting liquid came from the other side of the door. “…Lucy?”

“Go away,” Lucy weakly moaned.

“Lucy, please, can I- can I come in?” Luke said softly, smiling sympathetically as his sister opened the door. Luke could immediately tell just how unwell Lucy was- her face and body were drenched in sweat, staining her dress and her tights, her hair was matted and her mascara had run down her face from the tears she’d shed. Instinctively, Luke opened his arms for a hug, and sighed sadly as Lucy leaned into him.

“Luke, I- I can’t do this anymore, I just can’t,” Lucy wailed, her entire body tensing up at the undignified, unmanly way she blubbered.

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” Luke said soothingly.

“Yeah, but it isn’t though, is it?” Lucy snapped. “If something doesn’t change, this’ll be me for the rest of my life. And if it doesn’t change, I- I don’t know how much longer the rest of my life will be.”

“Well- well please, please don’t say THAT,” Luke said, biting his lip cautiously. “We’ll talk to Dr Adams, I’m sure she can do-“

“Nothing,” Lucy interrupted. “She can’t do ANYTHING, not until we tell mam and dad, that’s what she said, remember? And we can’t tell them, ‘cause then they’d tell grandma and grandpa. So that leaves me stuck at square one, in this stupid body and this stupid fucking dress!”

“You- you know that no matter what, we’ll be together, right?” Luke asked. “The second you come out to them, I’ll come out too, no matter the consequences. Believe me when I say that I want this change just as much as you do.”

“Yeah, well I don’t see you throwing up, do I?” Lucy snapped as she pushed past her brother and shut herself in her bedroom. Luke felt himself cringe under his sister’s angry glare as he was forced to concede that she had a point- outwardly, at least, he wasn’t anywhere near as unwell as his sister was. Inwardly, though, all he’d wanted to do all evening was to be in his sister’s clothes, her skin, even. To strip away the layers of manliness that his father and grandfather had piled on him over the years and to be the perfect girl that he always wanted to be. Whether or not she liked it, or even acknowledged it, their parents and grandparents were much gentler, much kinder with her than they were with Luke. They never pressured her into playing football, into getting dirty, into getting a girlfriend- into 'becoming a man'. It was all that occupied his mind, every second of every day, and with every day that passed, it only seemed to get worse… And yet, as Lucy correctly pointed out, he wasn’t throwing up because of it.

“Luke?” Paul asked as he climbed the stairs, snapping his son out of his reverie. “Is everything okay up here? I thought I heard shouting?”

“Ah- yeah,” Luke grimaced. “Lucy, she- she’s not feeling well, she’s been sick, that’s all.”

“Oh,” Paul said, a look of concern spreading across his face. “Sarah? Can you come up here, please?” Any reason why you can’t check in on your own daughter? Luke thought to himself as he tried not to sneer.

“What’s up?” The twins’ mother asked as she bounded up the stairs.

“Lucy’s feeling a little bit poorly,” Paul replied, making Luke stealthily roll his eyes. “Luke says she’s been sick.”

“Aye, okay, I’ll go in and check on her,” Sarah said softly, before gently knocking on her daughter’s bedroom door and letting herself into the room.

“You’d better get ready for bed too,” Paul advised his son. “Still got college tomorrow, heh!”

“Y- yeah,” Luke said, before sighing and heading to his bedroom to finally get out of his smart clothes. Meanwhile, in her room, Lucy groaned as she felt her mother sit down on the end of her bed, readying herself to offer advice that Lucy had absolutely no interest in hearing.

“Hey, birthday girl,” Sarah said softly, not noticing as Lucy tensed up at her use of the word ‘girl’. “You feeling a bit under the weather?”

“Mmph,” Lucy grunted into her pillow.

“I know it’s probably not how you wanted to spend your birthday,” Sarah consoled her daughter. “But- as much as I hate to say it- your grandparents won’t be around forever, and you will miss them when they’re gone.” I doubt it, Lucy angrily thought to herself.

“…Yeah,” the teenage girl half-heartedly mumbled.

“And you didn’t do yourself any favours with how fast you wolfed down that cake!” Sarah chuckled, sighing as she failed to get a response from her daughter. “Get yourself an early night, if you’re still feeling ill tomorrow I’ll call into college for you.”

“Thanks,” Lucy mumbled, before sighing as her mother gently stroked her hair, bringing back memories of when she was younger, when her mother would brush her long hair every morning. Back then, Lucy had enjoyed spending the time with her mother- but as time went on, she began to look back on those memories with resentment, as it was just another way her parents were turning her into the girl she desperately didn't want to be.

The following morning, Lucy was still in bed when Luke got up, and had yet to stir when he left the house. As he travelled to college, Luke couldn’t escape the feeling of guilt that had plagued him since the previous night. Lucy’s dysphoria had grown so bad that it caused her to be physically ill, while he was heading into college feeling none the worse for wear after their ‘birthday party’. Sure, he couldn’t escape the desire to completely abandon his masculinity and be just like the other girls heading into college with their skirts, their make-up, their hair and everything else wonderfully feminine, but for the first time in ages, he began to question whether or not he truly NEEDED to be like them- or whether his feelings were nothing more than just a silly whim…

“Hi Luke!” Susie said, snapping the young man out of his fantasies. “Flying solo today, then?”

“Umm, yeah, Lucy’s not feeling well,” Luke replied, biting his lip as his friend smiled sympathetically, instinctively knowing the reason why.

“I saw the photos on Facebook,” Susie whispered. “That can’t have been easy for you, last night.”

“Yeah, well, it was harder for her,” Luke sighed. “I shouldn’t really complain when I got off easy compared to her.”

“Well- but was it still hard for you, though?” Susie asked, smiling again as her friend nodded. “Just ‘cause Lucy’s had it tough, it doesn’t mean you’ve had it easy.”

“Well- I guess,” Luke said with a shrug. “I just- I just wish there was something I could do for Lucy, you know?”

“I think, yeah,” Susie said. “Though if it helps you are the best bro- sorry, the best sibling ever, you know? For putting her needs before yours.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t feel like the best sibling ever right now,” Luke said, before sighing. “Mind if I sit with you today in class?”

“I’d mind it more if you didn’t!” Susie replied with a chuckle as the two of them headed to their first class of the day.

Lucy remained on her brother’s mind all throughout his day at college, and when he returned home, he was relieved to see her sat up on the sofa watching TV- and unsurprised to see her in her preferred hoodie and jeans combo, with no trace of cosmetics on her pale-looking face.

“Hey Luce,” Luke said as he hesitantly sat down next to his sister. “F- feeling any better?”

“Mmph,” Lucy angrily grunted in reply.

“For what it’s worth, Susie says she missed you at college today,” Luke said.

“Mmph,” Lucy repeated.

“And- and so did I,” Luke mumbled, before sighing. “Lucy, I- I’m sorry for- for yesterday, I mean, I should’ve-“

“No- ugh, no, I’m sorry,” Lucy interrupted with a sigh. “I shouldn’t have bitten your head off, I- I definitely shouldn’t have said you had it any easier than I did.”

“…You were right when you said I didn’t throw up last night, though,” Luke mumbled.

“Meh, not really,” Lucy retorted. “I mean, factually right, maybe, but- yeah. Last thing I want to do, last thing I NEED right now is to push you away, heh. So- so I’m sorry.”

“A- apology accepted,” Luke whispered. “Heh, shall we- shall we agree to never fight again?”

“Sounds good to me,” Lucy giggled.

“Good,” Luke whispered. “Do you- do you think you’ll be better by tomorrow? Not from the- well, you know, but- but your stomach?”

“Meh, maybe, I dunno,” Lucy sighed. “the ‘other thing’s gonna take more than bed rest to cure, heh. And yes, I will tell Dr Adams when we see her next.”

“Good,” Luke said firmly. “’Cause Susie’s invited us round to her place tomorrow, says she’s got, like, a ‘late birthday surprise’ for both of us.”

“Sounds cool,” Lucy shrugged. “Doubt she’ll be able to get what I REALLY want, heh.”

“What either of us REALLY want,” Luke chuckled.

The following morning, Luke and Lucy greeted their friend with a tight hug each as they entered her home, where they were quickly whisked up to her bedroom.

“Hey you two!” Susie giggled excitedly. “You feeling any better, Luce?”

“Meh, a little,” Lucy replied with a shrug. “Thursday night was just so, so shit though.”

“Ugh, I- heh, I can’t even imagine,” Susie sighed. “And I wish, I really, really wish there was something I could do to help you out.”

“Yeah, I know you do,” Lucy sighed. “And I appreciate it, but- meh. Don’t think ANYONE can solve this ‘problem’, heh.”

“Well, I might be able to help a little,” Susie said as she retrieved a carrier bag from underneath her bed.

“What’ve you got there?” Luke asked curiously.

“Call it… Call it a late birthday present,” Susie replied with a grin as she tipped the contents of the bag onto her bed, revealing a small pile of old-looking clothes.

“…A skirt?” Lucy sneered as she picked the short denim garment off the bed and held it up to her waist. “How’s this meant to make me feel better? It’d be way too big for me anyway…”

“Yeah, but-“ Luke stammered, his eyes widening.

“He’s getting it…” Susie said with a wide, cheeky grin.

“It- it’d be the perfect size for me,” Luke said, taking the skirt from his sister and holding it up to his own waist.

“I hoped I’d guessed your size right,” Susie said as she unfolded the other clothes, revealing among other things, a pair of tight brown shorts and two feminine-cut t-shirts. “Oxfam didn’t have a huge selection, I’m afraid, and it was the only place in my price budget, heh.”

“Seriously, this- this is more than amazing,” Luke said, his hands trembling as he tightly gripped the soft denim. “Can- can I try it on now?”

“I would be offended if you didn’t!” Susie replied, her grin widening as she and Lucy turned their backs on the young man.

Luke's hands literally shook with excitement as he peeled off his jeans and sweater. As he delicately held the skirt out in front of him, her marvelled at how even the fabric felt softer than the stiff denim of his jeans. He almost felt a sense of disappointment as he slid the garment over his hips- other than the occasional brush of the fabric against his bare thighs, he barely felt it at all, but he then realised that that was the point of the skirt- and the fact that his legs were bare beneath his knees more than made up for not feeling the denim against his thighs. After pulling on the t-shirt- which, like the skirt, was far softer than any t-shirt he had in his drawers at home- Luke took several breaths to compose himself before turning around to face his sister and his friend again- both of whom, he noted, were wearing trousers and looser tops than him. For the first time in a very long time, Luke felt like he truly belonged.

“O- okay,” Luke said, his whole body trembling with excitement. “I’m ready.” Luke bit his lip anxiously as the two girls turned around, before letting out an excited squeak as they both grinned widely.

“Nice to finally meet you, MISS Miller!” Susie said, exchanging a hand which Luke eagerly shook.

“Thanks!” Luke squeaked, bouncing up and down with excitement, which only increased when he saw his sister looking on with an approving smile on her face.

“So, how does it feel?” Lucy asked.

“Honestly?” Luke replied. “It- it hardly feels any different, I mean, on the outside, at least, but on the inside, I- I feel completely different, like a whole new person.”

“Yeah, I think I get what you mean,” Lucy said with a grin. “You look different, too, and, like, not just ‘cause of the clothes.”

“Thanks,” Luke said bashfully. “My- my legs are a little cold though, heh.”

“Aye, well, we can do something about that too!” Susie giggled as she opened one of her drawers and fished out a small unopened cardboard box. “All yours!”

“Wh- are you okay with me wearing this?” Luke asked as he opened the box to reveal a pair of brand-new black tights.

“How many times have you seen me wear a skirt or a dress?” Susie replied with a snort of laughter. “Those tights will probably never get worn, so knock yourself out, hehe! Do you need a hand putting them on?”

“Ah- no,” Luke chuckled. “I know how to put on a pair of tights, trust me!”

“He does, I can vouch for that,” Lucy giggled as Luke stretched the flimsy garment over his legs.

“Honestly, this- you really don’t know just how amazing this feels,” Luke sighed happily. “Like, for the first time in ages, I can just, you know-“

“I think I get it,” Susie said softly. “And if I’d known about Thursday night, Luce, I’d have got you, like, a pair of boy’s jeans or something too, but-“

“Don’t- don’t worry about it, honestly,” Lucy said.

“Well, next time I’m in town, I can always have a look?” Susie offered.

“…What, and spend all your own money on us?” Lucy said. “We can’t ask you to do THAT, really…”

“Well, then give me a fiver and I’ll have a look for you, if that makes you feel better,” Susie shrugged. “Same applies to you Luke, if you- Luke?” Susie and Lucy both frowned with confusion as they saw the young man sitting on the bed, looking sadly down at his new clothes and trying not to cry.

“L- Luke?” Lucy asked. “Are you okay?”

“Y- yeah,” the young man sighed. “It’s just- it’s just that at the end of the day, I’m gonna- I’m gonna have to take all of this off. Go back to being ‘Luke’ again, have to pretend to be a boy for everyone…” Lucy blinked back tears of her own as she sat down next to her brother and gave him a long, tight hug. For the first time, she realised that however bad it felt for her, it felt just as bad for her brother. Lucy’s stomach began to grumble as she was gripped by a feeling of guilt over how she had spoken to her brother on their birthday. Luke had always been supportive of her, and it was her turn to return the favour.

“I- I’m sorry,” Lucy whispered.

“Heh, why are you apologising?” Luke chuckled. “Everything you’ve done for me, both of you… Guess I should just enjoy it while it lasts, heh.”

“Well- well it’s not like this has to be the only time it happens,” Susie said. “Like I said to Lucy, anytime you want, just give me some money and I can get you more clothes. I do my own laundry so it’s no hassle washing them too.”

“Th- thanks,” Luke whispered emotionally. “This is probably my best birthday present ever, hehe!”

“You’re welcome,” Susie said, before giggling and rolling her eyes. “And I can hardly call you ‘Luke’ while you’re dressed like that, can I?”

“You can always have my name if you want,” Lucy chuckled. “God knows I don’t want it!”

“That… Might get a little confusing,” Luke giggled.

“Well, we don’t have to think about it right away,” Susie said with a grin. “You just sit back, relax and enjoy the day, MISS Miller. And that goes for you too, MISTER Miller, hehe!”

“Thanks,” Lucy giggled as she sighed happily.

“What are you thinking right now?” Susie asked her friend.

“That I wish we were triplets, heh,” Lucy replied, triggering a tight group hug.

As Luke predicted, when the time came to change back into his own clothes, he found he had to force himself to even start to remove the skirt, tights and t-shirt- and he shed tears for every garment that left his body. Even the promise of another session the following weekend wasn’t enough to stem his tears, but Luke tried his hardest to look at the situation positively. Femininity was available to him any time he wanted- just not every time he wanted. Over the following few weekends, Susie kept her promise and gradually built both twins a stash of clothes, including more skirts, tops and even a short dress and fashionable bodysuit for Luke, while she acquired a couple of smart shirts and a pair of boy's jeans for Lucy, including another beloved Newcastle United FC shirt. And each time the twins dressed in the clothes of their true genders, they dreaded returning to being the genders they had been forced to live in all their life.

As the months passed, the twins’ discussions with their counsellor grew more frequent as their feelings of dysphoria worsened. Dr Adams listened to the twins’ concerns and their stories of stressful incidents, such as Lucy’s breakdown on her birthday, and agreed with both twins that ultimately, they must transition for the sake of their mental health. However, she reiterated the fact that until they had come out publicly- especially to their parents- she was unable to prescribe anything medically, which only served to further stress the twins out. Even as the twins' outward appearance gradually changed, with Luke's hair growing longer while Lucy maintained a shorter style, and Luke steadily (but not unhealthily) losing weight, the doctor maintained that nothing could be done while their parents were kept in the dark.

As he had promised, shortly after their birthdays, Paul began to teach Luke to drive while Lucy received lessons from her mother. Both twins passed their driving tests before the end of the year, however as their parents couldn’t afford to buy them cars of their own, they couldn't enjoy the increased freedom that came with being able to drive- especially not the freedom to be who they truly wanted to be.

However, as the twins began their second and final year of college, their lives gradually began to change- not least on the occasion of their eighteenth birthdays.

“Ah, here they are!” Paul said with an excited grin as his children descended the stairs in their light grey dressing gowns. “Happy birthday, adults!”

“Thanks,” Luke chuckled, brushing his shoulder-length hair behind his ears before tucking into the special breakfast of bacon and eggs that had been set out for him.

“Thanks,” Lucy said quietly as she scratched at the short, but growing hair on her leg.

“Now, it’s the same rules as always,” Sarah said excitedly. “One present before college, and you can open the rest when you get home!” Luke and Lucy sighed simultaneously and began to reach into their pile, hoping as with last year to get the present they wanted the least out of the way first. However, within seconds, they were stopped by their father, who had a wide grin on his face as he retrieved two large, gift-wrapped boxes from behind the room’s other sofa.

“Not so fast, you two!” Paul said with a wide grin on his face. “This year, we get to decide which presents you’re opening first, and it’s going to be these ones!” Luke and Lucy looked at each other apprehensively as they took the gifts from their father. They’d initially assumed that the boxes contained yet more stress for the two of them- a fancy evening gown for Lucy, and a tailored suit for Luke- but the weight of the boxes quickly convinced the twins that they did not contain clothes. What surprised the two of them the most, though, was that unlike the rest of their presents, the boxes were wrapped in identical green-coloured wrapping paper…

“Go on, open them!” Sarah urged. The two teenagers wasted no time and tore open the presents, both gasping excitedly as they revealed two brand-new, identical laptop computers.

“Oh- oh my god!” Lucy exclaimed.

“W- wow!” Luke gasped. “Thank you, seriously, thank you for these!”

“Well, you’re going to need proper computers when you go to university, not just iPads,” Sarah said. “And did you really think we weren’t going to spoil you on the most important birthday of them all?”

“Th- thanks,” Lucy said, smiling genuinely at her gift for the first time in many years. She had no doubt that many of her other presents would cause her stress, that she’d find dresses, shoes and make-up kits in her pile, and that she’d have to suffer through yet another excruciating evening with her grandparents. However, for the first time ever, Lucy actually started to feel an increased sense of freedom, like her parents were finally treating her as an adult. She just wished that they could treat her like a man…

As the twins had predicted (and dreaded), when they returned home and opened the rest of their presents, they unveiled the predictable gifts of football memorabilia and aftershave for Luke and make-up and perfume for Lucy, before they were ushered up their bedrooms to change into their new, smart clothes for dinner with their grandparents. Luke sighed heavily but resigned himself to his fate as he pulled on his smart trousers, shirt and tie, but as Lucy went to step into her dress, she paused and started to sweat heavily as she remembered the trauma she suffered the previous year. Defiantly, Lucy placed her new dress back on its hanger and pulled on her smartest pair of black trousers, her plainest white shirt and her favoured pair of flat lace-up black shoes. With her hair slicked back and her face make-up free, Lucy had never felt as smart as she did in that instant- or, more importantly, as masculine. Sure, her trousers were form-fitting and her shirt was technically a blouse, with the buttons on the left-hand side, but from a distance, Lucy could easily pass for any other teenaged boy. As she left her bedroom, she bumped into her brother, but unlike twelve months earlier, she had a smile on her face.

“Not one word,” Lucy said with a teasing smile on her face.

“Not even ‘you look more like a boy than I do’?” Luke asked, smirking sadly as Lucy giggled.

“…Meh, okay, I’ll let you get away with THAT,” Lucy replied, before bracing herself for the inevitable as she headed downstairs to where her parents were waiting.

“L- Lucy?” Sarah asked with a frown that her daughter quickly mirrored. “Why aren’t you wearing your new dress?”

“Meh, I’m- I’m just more comfortable in this,” Lucy replied with a shrug.

“Don’t you like the dress?” Sarah asked. “It was very expensive…” And thanks for the guilt trip, Lucy thought to herself as she groaned internally.

“Well, I- I do, umm, I do like it,” Lucy fibbed. “I just- I just prefer this, that’s all.”

“Well, it’s your birthday, I suppose,” Sarah mumbled, making her daughter’s stomach churn at what she perceived as emotional blackmail.

“Come on, we don’t want to keep your grandparents waiting,” Paul said, ushering his children out to his car and blissfully ignorant of the fact that they would be only too happy to keep their grandparents waiting- ideally forever.

A short while later, the family pulled up outside the elderly couple’s home, and both Luke and Lucy steeled themselves for the criticism they were inevitably about to face.

“Happy birthday, you two!” Eileen said, emerging from the house to greet both of her grandchildren with a hug each.

“Happy birthday, Luke!” Derek said, giving the young man a firm handshake. “I see ya dad didn’t get ya a haircut for ya birthday, then? Happy birthday, Lucy.” The young woman felt her anger slowly start to rise at the nonchalant, offhanded way her grandfather greeted her, but it was nothing compared to the tension that gripped her body when her grandmother looked at her quizzically.

“Have you both just come from school?” Eileen asked. “You were there late if that’s the case…”

“Ah- no,” Sarah replied before either twin could speak. “They don’t actually wear uniforms at college, heh, normally they just wear jeans and hoodies. This is them dressed up, believe it or not.” Lucy felt her stomach churn again as she inferred the disappointment in her mother's voice.

“What, don’t you have any pretty dresses you could’ve worn, Lucy?” Eileen asked, and while the teenaged girl opened her mouth to reply, once again, her mother interrupted her before she could speak.

“No, I think she’s just decided that she doesn’t like dresses,” Sarah replies. “I’d hoped that she’d have got that phase out of the way earlier, but whatever I suppose.” Lucy bit her lip to keep herself from frowning as her cheeks flushed with a mixture of embarrassment and rage- feelings that only deepened as she gazed over at her grandfather, who clearly couldn’t have cared less about her or what she wore. Lucy’s rage wasn’t helped either by the fact that her mother herself preferred to wear trousers except on very special occasions- though she at least had chosen to wear a dress, something she knew she'd be reminded of later that night.

“So, other than a pair o’ hair clippers, what ‘dya dad get ya?” Derek asked Luke, who withered under his grandfather's gaze even though there was no malice behind the question.

“I, umm, we both got new laptops,” Luke replied, glancing over at his sister for support, only to discover that she was staring intently at the floor.

“Aye, and?” Derek asked.

“And, umm, that was mostly it,” Luke replied. “We got a few other things, but the laptops were, like, the main present.”

“What, ya didn’ get him a car for his birthday?” Derek asked his son, who frowned in reply.

“Well, the- the laptop cost enough as it was!” Paul chuckled.

“I’m no’ saying you shoulda bought him a Bentley!” Derek retorted. “But a boy needs a car, especially if he’s gonna be a man!”

“Well- I did look into it,” Paul said, barely suppressing a sigh. “But even cheap cars cost a packet nowadays, especially when you factor in insurance as well for an eighteen-year-old, and there’s no way we’d have been able to afford two of them.”

“Why’d he need two cars?” Derek scoffed.

“Well- one for him and one for Lucy,” Paul replied, momentarily knocking the wind out of his father’s sails.

“Well- aye, I guess,” Derek mumbled as his grandson again glanced over at his twin, this time locking eyes with her and exchanging a look that said ‘this is going to suck’.

Fortunately for the twins, they only stayed at their grandparents’ house for another two hours, but that was long enough to make them both highly agitated. However, unlike the previous year, Lucy felt none of the nausea and actual physical pain that had ruined her seventeenth birthday- she even enjoyed the special cake that had been made for the occasion. There was no confusion in Lucy's mind as to why she enjoyed the day more than she had the previous year- it was all to do with what she wore, how she looked and, most importantly of all, how she felt. And yet, as she returned home at the end of the day, Lucy still felt her stress levels climb- though unlike the previous year, she acknowledged that her brother’s would be just as high, if not higher than her own.

“Hey,” Luke said, gently knocking on Lucy’s bedroom door after he’d changed back into his jeans and sweatshirt. “Luce? You okay?”

“Come in,” Lucy replied. Luke slowly opened the door and was unsurprised to find his sister sprawled out on her bed in her own jeans and sweatshirt.

“Hey,” Luke said softly. “Are- are you okay?”

“…Aye, I’m fine, I guess,” Lucy sighed. “I should really be the one asking you, heh.”

“I’m okay,” Luke mumbled. “Just- ugh, I dunno. Just fed up, I guess.”

“I’d offer to let you wear one of my dresses, but I doubt any of them’d fit,” Lucy sighed.

“Meh, I appreciate it anyway,” Luke sighed. “And I’m sure Susie’ll have something new for me tomorrow, heh. It’s just- ugh.”

“You won’t be able to wear it again on Sunday?” Lucy asked.

“Aye, exactly that,” Luke moaned. “Have you- have you set up your laptop yet?”

“Got it downloading updates now,” Lucy replied, pointing to the brand-new computer on her dresser. “Though I’ve already, you know, looked online for, like, ‘help’.”

“…Yeah, me too,” Luke sighed. “I’ve- heh. I’ve actually signed up for, you know, a few ‘helpful’ message boards, a couple of subreddits… I hope- I hope you don’t mind, but-“

“But- but what?” Lucy asked.

“I- I kinda signed up under- under the name ‘Lucie’,” Luke confessed. “Like, with an ‘ie’ at the end instead of a ‘y’.”

“Why would I mind about that?” Lucy snorted. “I want rid of the name as fast as possible, heh.”

“Thanks,” Luke chuckled. “And you can, you know, use ‘Luke’ as a name if you want, however you want to spell it. L-U-C maybe? I dunno.”

“Oh aye, ‘cause I sound French, don’t I?” Lucy snorted, before smiling. “But thanks anyway, really.”

“You’re welcome,” Luke chuckled. “Heh, hopefully- hopefully, you know, on our nineteenth birthday, we’ll actually get to be ‘Luc’ and ‘Lucie’, heh.”

“I’m not holding my breath,” Lucy sighed.

“Well, you never know,” Luke mused. “I mean, this time next year, we’ll be at uni, won’t we?”

“If we both get in,” Lucy replied, reminding her brother that they had a lot of work ahead of them.

In the weeks that followed, exams and university applications meant that the twins barely had any free time for anything else, including spending any 'special time' with Susie. Luke and Lucy sent off applications to study Chemistry at universities across the country, from as far south as London to as far north as Edinburgh, but both of them had their hearts set on one university in particular- the prestigious university of Durham, less than twenty miles from their hometown. They spent several days reading up on their subject, hoping to impress their potential professors at their interviews, and as spring drew to a close and summer began, they got the news that they’d been hoping for- dependent on their exam results, they had been accepted to start studying chemistry at Durham University, starting in September 2019. The twins were equally delighted to discover a short while later that Susie had received an identical letter to theirs.

They were less delighted, though unsurprised, when their parents threw a big, fancy celebration for the two of them to celebrate their acceptance into the university. While Lucy was able to wear a pair of trousers and a shirt to the ‘party’, she wasn’t able to escape the fact that when she picked up her student ID at the start of the course, it would have the name ‘Miss Lucy Miller’ on it and display her gender as unambiguously female, while Luke’s ID would show his gender as unambiguously male. Sure, in their student dorm, they’d have the freedom to be the ‘real’ them behind closed doors, but eventually, they would have to leave their rooms and go back to being the people they didn’t want to be, the people they felt they simply weren’t on the inside. Even talking with their counsellor didn’t help- they pointed out that for the twins to receive any practical help, such as HRT, they would need to first come out to their parents, and while the twins would be living away from home for the first time ever, they still couldn’t risk not having a home to go back to.

Eventually, the twins finished their final exams and were rewarded with their hard-earned extended summer break. While the twins had, with Susie’s help, built up large stashes of clothes that they kept at the ginger haired girl’s house (and fully intended to take with them to university), they had only ever worn the clothes indoors, and had all but resigned themselves to the fact that those were the only circumstances under which they’d ever get to wear them. All that changed, however, in the second week of July, when they arrived at Susie’s house and were greeted with an unexpected surprise.

“Hi you two!” The ginger haired girl said as she led the twins through to her bedroom. “Go on, pick yourselves out an outfit, let me know when you’re changed, hehe!”

“Okay, thanks Suse,” Luke said as he reached into the hidden section of his friend’s closet and pulled out a light top and a short, floaty skirt.

“You’re more excited than usual today,” Lucy told her friend as she picked her favourite Newcastle United shirt and a pair of baggy jeans out of the hidden section.

“Well… Maybe, hehe!” Susie giggled.

“…Okay, go on,” Luke said with a giggle as he finished dressing and started brushing out his shoulder-length hair to a more feminine style. “You’ve obviously got something planned, what is it?”

“Well… I was going to save it for a surprise, but I might as well tell you, hehe!” Susie giggled. “First, though, do you still have any money left over from your parents for passing your exams?”

“Aye, loads,” Lucy replied.

“Enough for a trip down to London next weekend?” Susie asked.

“L- London?” Luke asked. “What’s in London, and why next weekend?”

“I’m very glad you asked, MISS Miller!” Susie replied, smiling as Luke giggled at the use of his preferred title. “And the answer… is this!” Susie giggled as she handed the twins an envelope each, which they quickly tore open to find brightly-coloured lanyards, along with stickers, keychains and small booklets filled with QR codes- all of which bore the logo ‘AngelCon 2019’.

“A- AngelCon!?” Luke squeaked excitedly. “You- you’ve got us tickets to AngelCon!?”

“Well- well I do expect you to, like, pay me back for the tickets!” Susie giggled. “But yep, three tickets to the biggest party of the summer, hehe!”

“Oh my god, this is SO cool,” Lucy gushed as she examined the promotional material. While she wasn’t as big a fan of the Angels as her brother, or even Susie, she’d seen every episode of the show and had been inspired by the stars’ lessons of unconditional acceptance, of the value of friendship and being true to oneself. She and Luke had watched footage of the first AngelCon, which had taken place in Los Angeles the previous November, and when they’d heard that the 2019 convention would be in London, they’d looked into getting tickets, only to not bother as they expected the demand to be too high. However, neither of them were going to turn down the opportunity that their friend had presented to them.

“We- we’re probably gonna need to book a hotel,” Luke said. “And trains, too, doubt dad’ll let us drive his car all the way to London, heh!”

“Already taken care of!” Susie giggled. “Ahh, this is gonna be so cool, hehe! And you know the best part of this, right?”

“Umm… Other than getting to meet the Angels?” Luke asked.

“Well… Best part for you maybe, hehe!” Susie giggled. “In London, there is absolutely NO danger of running into anyone we know. So you are going to be able to spend all day, every day, dressed the way you are right now. Unless, of course, you’d rather wear a cute summer dress, or a light playsuit… I’m assuming you’d rather not wear what you wore on your way to the house today?” Luke bit his lip as he contemplated the possibility. He didn’t exactly cut a feminine figure at 5’ 11” with a wide chest and a masculine jawline, and even in a city where no one knew his name, the chances of being ‘clocked' were high enough to give him genuine cause for concern. On the other hand, Lucy and Susie would be with him the whole time, and if there was any event that would provide a guaranteed safe space, it was AngelCon. For years, the chance to spend as relatively little as 24 consecutive hours as the girl he wanted to be had seemed like a fantasy, a pipe dream destined to never come true. And yet, here it was, the opportunity of a lifetime that had simply dropped into his lap. And he wasn’t about to turn it down.

“Hmm… That summer dress sounds AWESOME,” Luke giggled. “How about you, Lucy? Looking forward to a whole weekend of just being ‘Luc’?” Lucy paused as she considered her response to the question. She knew that unlike Luke, she’d have no problem ‘passing’ despite only standing 5’ 4” tall. All she had to do was scrub her face clean of any make-up, style her hair neutrally and wear clothes that weren’t form-fitting, and she’d be fine… Just like she’d been doing over the previous few months. However, there was a big difference between presenting as an androgynous, boyish girl and coming out and actively stating that one was male, and as desperate as Lucy was to cross that line, she was still nervous. She knew her parents would be upset. She knew her grandparents would be furious. But most of all… She knew that if she crossed that line, even for a day, even for an hour, there would be no way she’d be able to go back. While she was aware that Luke had it just as hard as she did, she envied him being able to take off the skirt at the end of the day and go back to being a boy, however reluctantly. However, Lucy knew that if she was going to live her life as a man, she’d have to take that first step eventually- and AngelCon was a good a place as any to take it.

“…Let’s do this,” Lucy said quietly, before grinning as her friend and her brother surrounded her in a tight group hug.

The following Friday afternoon, the three teenagers gathered at Newcastle’s vast railway station, buzzing with excitement about their trip to the nation’s capital. While Luke and Lucy were dressed in the same clothes they wore when they'd left their home, they both had their overnight bags with them, and secretly, they were just as excited to get to the hotel to change as they were about the event the following day.

The train ride to London took almost three and a half hours, and after the additional half hour taxi ride from King’s Cross station to their hotel the twins were desperate to change into the outfits that were hidden within their overnight bags. Once they were booked into their room, Luke and Lucy wasted no time in unpacking their cases, and after a quick discussion, Luke was ushered into the room’s small bathroom to change first.

Luke took several deep breaths to stop his hands from shaking as he removed all of his clothes and gently stepped into his short, flared skirt, before pulling a loose white tank top over his head. Even before he'd fixed his hair or make-up, Luke stepped back to look at himself in the bathroom mirror and was enthralled by the sight that greeted him. The figure in the mirror was never going to win any modelling contracts, but it took very little stretch of the imagination to look at them and believe that they were indeed a young woman, getting ready for an evening out with her friends. However, Luke was far from done. After fastening a narrow belt around his waist and popping several cute, playful bracelets onto his wrists, he carefully brushed his shoulder-length hair out into a cute flippy style, before setting to work on his make-up. He would only apply a little foundation, followed by eyeliner, mascara and very faint eyeshadow- not even any blush or lipstick. However, it was enough to complete the 'illusion'- however, to Luke, it was no illusion. He felt more 'real' than he had ever done in his life, and he intended to savour every moment of his- or rather, her weekend.

“Well?” Luke asked with a cheeky grin on his made-up face as he emerged from the bathroom and struck a pose for his sister and his friend.

“Looking cute, MISS Miller!” Susie giggled. “Never mind the Angels, I think people are gonna be asking for YOUR autograph tomorrow!”

“Oh- shut up…” Luke said with a bashful grin as he sat down on the edge of the bed, keeping his knees pressed tightly together. “But- but thanks, heh.”

“Your turn now, MISTER Miller!” Susie said, sharing a grin with Lucy as the she disappeared into the bathroom.

Whereas Luke took almost twenty minutes to perfect his look, Lucy took less than five. The only challenge Lucy faced was with the one final gift that Susie had given her on the train ride- a wide elastic bandage. It hadn't taken Lucy any time to work out what its intended use was, and Lucy focussed on her breathing as she unclipped her bra and let it fall unceremoniously to the floor. Lucy wrapped the bandage tight around her chest, wincing at first due to the discomfort it caused her breasts, before finally finding an arrangement that didn't hurt, but more importantly, didn't show any 'shapes' underneath the baggy t-shirt she pulled on after her favourite pair of boy's jeans. Lucy took a few final deep breaths to get herself used to the new pressure on her chest, before forcing a smile on her face and emerging from the bathroom to the approving smiles of Luke and Susie.

“Looking good!” Susie giggled. “How- how’s the bandage?” The ginger-haired girl bit her lip as her friend paused before replying.

“…It’s not the most comfortable thing in the world,” Lucy replied. “But it’s a damn sight better than wearing a bra, heh!”

“I’ll have to take your word for it,” Susie chuckled.

“Me too, hehe!” Luke said, earning genuine smiles from both of his friends, before taking an anxious deep breath. “I suppose we’ve got to, you know, head out now?”

“Well- it’s up to you,” Susie replied. “I can always, like, go out and grab something for us to eat and bring it back here, but, well, I won’t be able to bring the whole of AngelCon back tomorrow, heh!”

“…Then let’s do this,” Luke said defiantly.

“All right!” Susie giggled. “Luce? What do you say?” Lucy paused as she considered her answer. Just as she’d predicted beforehand, once she'd gotten comfortable in her outfit- or rather, in her new identity- the thought of going back to who she was chilled her blood. To her, the door to the hotel room represented the point of no return. If she stepped through it once as ‘not Lucy’, then in her mind, there was no way she’d ever be able to step through it again as ‘Lucy’. There would be no going back, and as much as she desperately wanted to take that step, she was also afraid. However, as nervous as she was, she knew one simple truth- she wouldn’t be taking those steps alone.

“…Let’s do this,” Lucy said firmly, smiling as she followed her brother and her friend out of the room.

The three teenagers ate their dinner in a fast-food restaurant that was a mere 5 minute walk from the hotel, but to the twins, it might as well have been on the other side of the world. With every step they took away from the sanctuary of the hotel room, Luke and Lucy grew more and more nervous. They knew that they looked the part, and deep down inside, they more than felt the part, but it was still a step into uncharted territory- and just one comment from someone about their appearance could have had the power to send the twins scurrying back to their hotel room. However, the longer they stayed outside, the more confident they felt. The crowd that they expected to be waiting to jeer at them simply didn't appear. The sneers, the abuse and the threats were nowhere to be seen. The most attention Luke received was from a couple of guys who liked the look of what they saw as a nearly six-foot-tall girl- attention that made Luke blush and brought back feelings he hadn’t felt in a long time.

After their meal, the twins returned to their hotel room, where Luke reluctantly wiped away the make-up that he’d worn with pride throughout the evening. He was reassured by the fact that he’d be reapplying it the following morning anyway- but that did nothing to ease his stress, as he was still unsure when he'd ever have the chance to apply it again after that.

The following morning, the twins woke up early, and after a quick breakfast in the hotel restaurant, rushed back to their room to prepare for the day ahead.

Lucy smiled as she again wrapped the medical bandage around her chest, before pulling on her favourite pair of jeans and her trusty Newcastle United FC shirt, while Luke giggled excitedly as he stepped into his newest denim mini skirt and Out of Heaven t-shirt from their most recent tour. However, pride of place for both of the twins- as well as Susie- went to the official AngelCon 2019 lanyards that the teenagers wore around their necks. A short taxi ride later, and the three of them were stood in the extra-long queue that stretched around the sides of London’s O2 Arena.

As the twins studied the many faces in the crowd, they felt their anxiety quickly dissipate. As cruel as Luke felt for thinking it, he soon concluded that not only was he not the only person in the queue who was presenting as the 'opposite' gender, but he was far from being the most 'noticeable'. However, despite that, everyone in the crowd, him and Lucy included, were being accepted without question as the people they said they were. To the twins, it felt- appropriately enough- like heaven, as for the first time, they had real, concrete proof that their feelings were valid. They weren’t ‘abnormal’ or ‘wrong’ for feeling the way they did. They weren’t hurting anyone, and they weren’t breaking any laws. They were part of a community that had had to endure so much hardship, so much discrimination simply for needing to live their lives the way they needed to. But they weren’t alone. They were part of a community that looked out for each other, even when those outside the community sought to silence them. And the community had powerful members- one of whom the twins made a beeline toward when the meet and greet sessions began.

“Hi, what’s your name?” The world-famous voice of Jamie-Lee Burke asked, smiling her trademark smile as the twins nervously approached her table.

“H- hi, I- I’m-“ Luke said, before pausing. He couldn’t very well give his real, or at the very least, his legal name. He was certain that, of all people, Jamie-Lee would be understanding of their situation, but she was also the last person he wanted to embarrass himself in front of.

“I’m Luke,” Lucy said firmly, giving her petrified sibling’s hand a supportive squeeze. “This is my sister Lucy.”

“Aww, that’s so nice that the two of you are so close!” Jamie gushed.

“Well, we are twins,” Lucy said with a nervous grin. “So we’ve kinda, like, had a whole lifetime plus an extra nine months of ‘close’.”

“Ah, now that is SO cool!” Jamie giggled as she autographed the twins’ photos. “I’m guessing by your accents- and, well, your shirt- that you’re from Newcastle, right?”

“Aye,” Lucy replied softly, before exchanging an awkward glance with her brother.

“You- you’re kinda, you know, an inspiration for us,” Luke said nervously. “For, like, both of us.” Luke bit his lip as the famous transwoman paused, furtively glancing at their bodies and their facial features, before a wide, genuine grin spread across her face.

“I’m glad to hear that,” Jamie said softly, wordlessly acknowledging what the twins were implying. “I think you’ve probably inspired each other more than I’ve inspired you though, hehe!”

“Well- maybe,” Lucy chuckled, before she and her twin posed for a selfie with the famous woman. “It was SO cool to meet you, like, in the flesh.”

“Likewise,” Jamie said with a grin as the twins walked away, signed photos in hand and feeling like they were floating after meeting one of their idols.

The twins (along with Susie) spent the rest of the afternoon getting selfies with the other Angels and checking out the various stalls and other attractions the convention had to offer. However, nothing came close to the feeling of excitement the twins felt at meeting Jamie for the first time. They’d read up on her life story and knew that when she’d first come out publicly, she’d faced rejection not just from her family, but from the whole country. However, rather than withdraw into her shell, Jamie had risen above the criticism and bullying to become the icon that she was, and if she could do it, the twins certainly could too- together, as always.

The twins and Susie headed to the main stage later that evening and were enthralled by the fashion show put on by all of the Angels from around the world, emceed by the world-famous actor Billy Porter. After an impromptu song by Out of Heaven brought the evening's events to a close, the trio headed back to their hotel, and even though it was almost 1am by the time they climbed into their beds, none of them felt even remotely tired- but they knew they had to get their rest if they were to return to the arena for the following day's festivities.

Even though the Sunday lacked the excitement that had been generated by the anticipation of the previous day, the twins still made the most of the day, watching the shows, getting autographs and selfies with all the members of Out of Heaven and, most importantly of all, enjoying the opportunity to simply be themselves, free from any burdens or responsibilities. However, the time came for the convention to end, and both Luke and Lucy felt their hearts sink as they realised they had to head back to their hotel- and soon afterwards, back to Newcastle. As they began to pack their travel cases for the journey home, both Luke and Lucy had only one thing on their minds.

“I- I don’t want to go back,” Lucy mumbled, pausing her packing before sitting down on the edge of the bed. “I- I just don’t. I can’t, I- I just can’t go back to being ‘Lucy’ again, I- I-“

“It’s okay,” Luke sighed, sitting down next to his sister and holding her as she slowly wept. “I don’t want to go back either, heh. But- but we’ll talk to Dr Adams on Monday, and she-“

“She’ll do fuck all, like she always does!” Lucy snapped. “Give us fucking useless reassurances that she’ll help only when we tell our parents and get kicked out onto the street!”

“Well- well we’ll be starting at uni in a few weeks,” Susie said.

“I can’t hang on another few weeks,” Lucy mumbled. “I swear, I don’t think I can hang on another few HOURS without- ugh.” Luke felt his blood run cold as he pondered what his twin was implying.

“No, but-“ Susie said as she desperately racked her brains for a way to help her distraught friend. “But- but, you know, if you talk to the uni, they’ve got, like, a secretary who deals with applications, and they- they might be able to help, you know?”

“…What- what are you suggesting?” Lucy asked, frowning with confusion as her friend began to smile knowingly.

A couple of weeks later, the twins fidgeted nervously in their seats as they sat before the secretary in charge of admissions of Durham University. The fact that they’d lied to their parents about going down to Durham for just a look around was one of the reasons for their discomfort, but a larger reason was the fact that they’d stopped at Susie’s house along the way, where Lucy had changed into a pair of smart trousers, a smart shirt- with buttons on the right hand side- and her old school tie, while Luke had changed into a plain black pencil skirt, a clean white blouse and a pair of very smart black flats.

“Okay,” the secretary, a middle-aged man named Croft, said as he finished reading the prepared statements the twins had supplied. “I’ve read your statements, along with the letter your counsellor has provided. As I’m sure you know, gender identity is a protected characteristic under the Equality Act of 2010, and we here at Durham University take our responsibilities regarding the act very seriously indeed. If you choose to transition while studying with us- well, that’s your choice, and the staff will support you every step of the way.”

“Thank you,” Luke whispered, his excitement levels almost reaching fever pitch. To his right, however, his sister looked less optimistic as she expected the older man to begin his next sentence with the word 'but'.

“I do have some questions, though,” Mr. Croft said, causing Lucy to frown as her suspicions were proven correct. “You’ve mentioned that you haven’t yet come out to your parents?”

“No,” Luke replied. “They- they’re kinda old-fashioned, our grandparents even more so.”

“I see,” Mr. Croft said. “I am just worried- more for you than anything- what will happen when you return home for the holidays or reading weeks.”

“That- that’s a bridge we’ll cross when we come to it,” Lucy said firmly. “I need you- really need you to believe me when I say that I am physically incapable of living life as a woman.”

“Just as I am when it comes to living life as a man,” Luke said.

“…Okay,” Mr. Croft said, before taking a deep breath. “The way I see this going forward is quite simple. The university can’t force you to live your life in a gender with which you don’t or can’t identify. We wouldn’t dream of asking you to do that. However, the responsibility for how you handle your transition lies solely with the two of you. If you experience discrimination because of your gender identity, we will step in to sanction the perpetrators. And it should go without saying that any transgressions on your part shall be sanctioned just as severely.”

“Of course,” Lucy said quietly.

“Otherwise, we will leave you be,” Mr. Croft said, bringing a smile to the twins’ faces. All they’d wanted their whole lives was to be allowed to be the people they truly were, deep down inside. Mr. Croft may have intended his message as a caution, but to the twins, he may as well have been a genie granting a lifelong wish.

“That- that will be absolutely fine,” Luke said with a nervous giggle.

“The one remaining thing,” Mr. Croft said cautiously, “is what you wish to be called at university. You registered at the university under the names of Luke and Lucy, and while they may still be your legal names, I’m assuming you would prefer not to be addressed by those names?”

“…That’s correct,” Luke replied. “At times, we- heh. At times we’ve kinda, like, ‘swapped’ names, I’d be called Lucie- with an i-e at the end, Lucy would be called Luc, but spelled with a C…”

“Well- well one way of looking at it is this,” Mr. Croft said. “Starting the chemistry course next year will be a man named Luke Miller and a woman named Lucy Miller, both born on the same day. It would take virtually no paperwork, just a couple of notes from me, and you would be able to start university as Lucy, while you would start as Luke. Would that be agreeable to you?” The teenager who was known as ‘Luke’ for the first eighteen years of their life bit their lip and started to tremble nervously at the prospect. No need to hide who they were- who SHE was anymore, not even behind a name. She would be out in the open, a girl with a girl’s name, just like all the other girls at the university. As excited as she was by the prospect, though, she was also anxious. It would be a big step. She’d be presenting herself- her true self- to the world for the very first time. However, as AngelCon had proved, she didn’t necessarily need to be afraid. She’d have Lucy- or rather, Luke to support her. She’d have Susie. And she’d maybe even make new friends over her time at university. However, she might also make new enemies, people even worse than her grandparents.

Unlike their twin, the teenager who had formally been known as ‘Lucy’ had no such reservations. The door had finally been opened for them- for HIM- and he wasn’t going to hesitate to step through.

“That would be perfect,” the newly named Luke replied, fidgeting slightly to try to make the elastic bandage around his chest more comfortable.

“Ye- yes,” the newly named Lucy said as she adjusted her smart skirt. “That- that sounds great to me.” The twins both giggled excitedly as they looked at each other, before concluding the meeting by signing the papers Mr. Croft had prepared, both twins delighting in signing their new names for the very first time.

For the remaining few weeks of the summer, the twins returned to their birth genders, and despite the fact they knew their time living as their birth genders was coming to an end, they both found themselves feeling increasingly anxious as the summer slowly gave way to autumn, both at the possibility of living life the way they wanted- and fear of the exact same thing. Susie continued to support them and was excited to learn that she’d be living in the same dorms as the twins, but for all three teenagers, as the summer break dragged on, it seemed like the start of university seemed like it would never come.

However, it did.

"Okay then," Luke said confidently as he looked up at his taller twin sister. "You ready?"

"Ready as I'll ever be," Lucy replied. "We do this together, right?"

"Aye, always," Luke said, giving his sister a gentle pat on the back as the two of them walked toward the imposing main gate of Durham University...