Darkchylde: In Touch With Your Inner Chylde (Part: 4/5)

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Darkchylde: In Touch With Your Inner Chylde 4 of 5
by:
Lilith Langtree


Carrying on in the spirit of his mother, Ariel Chylde continues with her research into the mysterious Book of Zhered-Na only to find another side of him and an evil that he never knew existed.

Author's Note: Kudos to djkauf for betaing this for me.

For those of you that actually took the time to read the note I posted yesterday, thank you. For those of you that read it and decided I was and ungrateful, arrogant person that was holding my stories hostage because I'm a comment whore... (sigh) why bother? You'll never get it. And please note that I'm not just saying all of this for me; there are still a large number of authors out there on the front page that would dearly love ten comments and would think heaven came to them today because of that simple task that can take no longer than a few seconds out of your day. It doesn't have to be an in depth analysis of the story or chapter. A simple "I enjoyed this story," or a variant would probably suffice. It took me three seconds to write, "I enjoyed this story." Can you spare that for the entertainment that you received from them? Thanks for at least thinking about what I've said. A number of you responded yesterday that I've never heard from before. It was a treat and appreciated, and a number of us had some delightful interaction trying to figure out a mystery.

Chapter 4

The official search started the next morning. I would have thought that they would have done a small portion of the area the previous afternoon, but Terry was eighteen and considered an adult even though he went to high school. I guess that something to do with it, well that and he was flighty to begin with. Having a reputation for taking off and not telling anyone where you were going was a bad thing when something actually went wrong.

But here we were four days after he went missing, combing the woods by the house. The administration of the school asked for volunteers and virtually all of the students said yes. I had a feeling it wasn’t because Terry was beloved or anything. Students will do almost anything if it means that they don’t have to be stuck behind a desk for the day.

We gathered in our field since it bordered the forest closest to where his truck was found. There, we were briefed on what to look for which consisted of the obvious — a body — and the not so obvious, meaning fresh overturned dirt, piles of leaves, fresh footprints, and so forth.

“Did anyone search that house?” someone asked in the crown.

I raised my hand. “That’s my house, and yes it’s been searched, by Susan, his sister.” I may have said that with a touch of annoyance in my voice.

The Sheriff held up his hands. “Just to make this official for everyone that thinks otherwise. It was reported that Terry entered the storm cellar of the Chylde house and never left. The person responsible for that report is now sitting in the county lockup for filing a false report. In other words he lied. The Chylde family has been cooperative in the search of said cellar and nothing was found that would lead me to believe they had anything to do with Terry’s disappearance. So, let’s concentrate on where he might be instead of where we know he’s not.”

I felt a little smug afterward, but kept it off my face since Susan was right there. With a couple hundred people spread apart by five feet, we covered a lot of the area woods. There was some excitement when a girl screamed and the Sheriff found a half buried deer carcass, but that was all there was.

By mid-afternoon we’d covered all the area that was possible to canvass, and it looked like Susan was taking her brother’s disappearance more seriously.

“Where do you think he’s at?”

I tried to not put on too many airs sounding sympathetic or overly pessimistic. “Honestly I don’t have a clue.”

“What I wonder is why he was here.” I watched as she looked back at the house from the general area Terry’s truck was found. “He parked here and it’s obvious he was coming to confront you.”

I nodded. “He wasn’t trying too hard to hide, but he wasn’t being obvious about it either.”

“Yeah. Maybe he was just watching the house waiting for you to go outside or something.”

Taking the most obvious train of thought I moved the speculation along. “Like when I went out to the cellar.”

“Exactly.” She tapped her lips with her index finger. “So he sees you go back there and gets out of his truck.”

“Except, he never made it to the back yard,” I said.

She shook her head and looked frustrated. “It all comes back to Perry, again.”

“No sign of struggle, because he knew his attacker.”

She spun around. “You think he was attacked?”

I closed my eyes and cringed. “Sorry. I’ve been trying to be optimistic for you.”

Her lips pressed together and I could see her eyes well up. “No, you’re right. It’s the only possibility.”

“Not the only one, but the most likely.”

“What else could it have been?” she asked.

I saw her reaching for anything. “I don’t know. I wish I did.”

Another minute spent in silence and Susan got herself together. “I’m gonna go. I’m sure my parents are edging on hysteria by now.”

We walked across the lot and I opened her door for her. She stuck her key in the ignition, turning the engine over and putting the air conditioner on maximum to cool the cab off. Then she turned around and gave me a big hug.

“Thanks, Ariel. You’ve been a big help.”

“Call me later if you want to talk,” I said.

She nodded and hopped in.

When her truck disappeared behind the tree line down the street, I turned back to the house.

“What would poor Susan say if she knew the truth?”

My head snapped up to see a blonde girl leaning against the ancient oak. She was wearing a nice pair of white slacks and a crop top with shoulder length blonde hair and a decidedly knowing look on her face.

I narrowed my eyes. “Search is over. You’re not supposed to be here.”

She half-chuckled. “I’m not here to search. We both know Terry Coomes was slaughtered by a demon and all the evidence was licked up and magiked away.”

I looked from left to right to make sure nobody was around to hear. “Who the hell are you?”

She stood away from the tree and nodded toward the cellar. “Jennifer Kale. You want to do this here or down in the cellar. Oh, and you might want to go change, it’ll make this whole experience a lot easier on the both of us.”

A lead weight dropped into my stomach. This girl knew way too much about what had been going on. “Change?”

“Back into your natural form.” She sighed. “Female, about your height, long legs, not really any breasts to speak of.”

My lips pursed. “This is my natural form.”

She rolled her eyes and snapped out her right hand toward me with her fingers making an okay sign only with her middle finger and thumb instead of her index finger.

I groaned at the swift pain that shot through me as whatever she did forced me into Darcy’s body in no more than a handful of seconds.

“There, that’s better. Now go change clothes; you look ridiculous. I’ll be in the cellar, waiting.”

Thinking I was severely over my head magic-wise I did what she said, stumbling in my now overly large shoes and shorts.

As bad as it sounds, I didn’t know what to wear. What was one supposed to wear to their possible death? That was probably stretching things a little. It was obvious whoever Jennifer Kale was, she was powerful. She didn’t need the Incantation of Making to rip the girl out of me at a moment’s notice, and she knew about Terry. That made her a danger to me.

I wound up choosing denim stretch shorts and a top that basically amounted to a sports-bra. If I had to move quickly then I didn’t want anything hampering me. Once I slipped into a pair of running shoes I performed the Protection spell that DC taught to me the day before.

“There,” I said as I looked into the mirror. “That should help some… I hope.”

As an afterthought I stopped at the door to the bedroom. “DC do you need to take over? Am I in danger?”

I opened myself to her but there was no answer and she didn’t take control, meaning she either thought I could handle it, or she thought I was safe.

“Great… well, stand by. I don’t particularly want my ass kicked today.”

Stopping at the back door, I adjusted the stretch shorts; they kept trying to wedge up my butt, and wearing them made me feel even more naked than I was that morning. Looking down at my breasts, I adjusted them too. Don’t think I wasn’t somewhat annoyed about her crack about lacking in that region. I was a B-cup for crying out loud. Just because I wasn’t all D-cup droopy like her… Nevermind.

At the top of the stairs, I incanted the Warding spell and felt it take effect, which should have sent Jennifer Kale flying out of the door. I was kind of annoyed when it didn’t

“That spell only works against people trying to do you harm, dumbass.”

I grumbled to myself at her barb and stalked down the stairs. She was eyeing my hideaway with disgust.

“When’s the last time this has been cleaned? It’s disgusting. I think the only thing holding it together is dirt… eww, and your various bodily fluids.”

Showing her that she wasn’t going to get under my skin, I crossed the floor and dropped down on the hideaway making sure to rub as much bare skin across the threadbare fabric as was possible. Considering how much was showing, that’s saying something. Jennifer wrinkled her nose and backed up, her eyes tracking around the room until they stopped on at a significant place.

“This is where Terry Coomes was shredded by the demon like a wedge of cheese through a grater, wasn’t it?”

I didn’t acknowledge her comment. If there was one thing about being the son of a lawyer taught me it was never admit to anything in front of someone you don’t know. It was best to redirect them.

“Is there a point to all this?”

She sniffed and looked at the rest of my belongings as if they were beneath her. “The point, Ariel Chylde, is that you have stumbled upon something that is beyond your comprehension.”

“I go by Darcy Dahl.”

“What you go by is of no consequence. Your true name is Ariel Chylde. It is the name that holds power over you and you cannot deny its existence on a whim. Thinking so will only cause problems in the future.”

My tongue ran over my teeth as I considered her. “And your name is Jennifer Kale, who are you exactly and why should I care?”

Her eyes narrowed at me. “I’m the most powerful user of magic on this planet and that book your mother discovered is rightfully mine by blood.”

She caught me off guard with both revelations, so I came back with the only defense I could think of at the moment. “Well, if you can find the book, you can have it.”

Jennifer huffed. “You’ve already bonded with the damn thing and you know it. The only way to retrieve it is your death. Now, do you really want me to take it by force?”

I suddenly felt about three inches tall. “Uh… no.”

Her eyes lifted to the ceiling and she paused to rub them like she was tired. “Look, I know all of this isn’t your fault, for the most part, that’s the only reason I haven’t bound you. Dormammu has his claws so deep in you I’m actually surprised you haven’t fully turned.”

I felt the blood drain from my face. “Turned?”

She did the okay thing with the middle finger again and waved it at me. “Look at your skin, Ariel.”

Something was shimmering over every inch of my arms and legs, not to mention my midsection. It was orange in color and there was a slight movement involved as well. I tried brushing it off, but it didn’t help at all.

“What is that?”

“The Flames of Faltine, or a taste of it at any rate. I assume Dormammu tried to make a bargain with you and gave you a piece of his power to show you how trustworthy he was?”

I nodded without even thinking. “Can I get rid of it?”

She shrugged. “Sure, just grab the closest cheese cutter and peel back a few layers of skin. That should clear it right up.”

“What is it with you and cheese?” I snapped.

Jennifer touched her lower abdomen. “Lactose intolerant. Gives me the worst gas.”

“TMI,” I sang while covering my face at the thought of what she just told me.

“You should know these things, Ariel, being my apprentice means you’ll be doing the grocery shopping… among other things.”

I pulled my hand away and looked at her in disbelief. “Your what?”

“My apprentice; and this is no reference to that idiot on the television with the hair.”

Snapping to my feet, I looked down at her. She couldn’t have been more than five-eight at the most. “No offense, but I can’t really stand you for the five minutes I’ve been down here. What makes you think I want to study under you?”

Jennifer’s eyes sparkled for a moment and she turned, throwing up both hands. “In the name of the All-Seeing, the All-Knowing, the All-Freeing, -- appear before me now! Rise from the Amulet of Agamotto — Jennifer Kale commands it!”

A portion of the cinderblock wall disappeared and in its place was an aerial scene point of view, swooping down over a town set aflame. People were running and burning, falling to ash before they’d moved more than a few yards. It was then that I’d recognized a star-shaped building nearby.

“That’s my school… sorta.”

“It’s the future Ariel Chylde, your future if you choose to stay. You will play the focal role in the rise of Dormammu in this dimension, and there is his gateway.”

The center of the school exploded outward and a great flame-covered talon-fingered red hand followed right after. The ground around the building started spraying up rock and flame as more of the gargantuan horror rose from the Earth.

“How can I… I wouldn’t…”

Jennifer chuckled. “Who do you think is burning the town and offering the sacrifices to him, making all of this possible?”

Her hand twisted and the viewpoint changed, pulling away. There, the dragon I’d seen the last few times in my dream state flew through the air and someone was at its neck with green-scaled arms and impossibly long claws on equally long fingers rode the beast. Her eyes were shining a sickly yellow and anger was on her face. But there was one thing that I noticed more than the rest. That face was mine.

“No,” I whispered. The dragon made another strafing run and I watched as more of the town turned to ash before my eyes. “Why?”

“You revealed your power and were found complicit in Terry Coomes murder, and Perry Stodghill’s execution.” My look brought a grim smile from her face. “Yes, the boy dies in your place, unfairly.”

She swiped at the image against the wall and it vanished. “They came for you and the dragon was much stronger. It defended you and itself against the townspeople, unknowingly sacrificing them for Dormammu. Not to worry; I eventually defeat him, no thanks to that upstart Rasputin who didn’t even bother to lift a finger. Hmph.”

My butt connected with the hideaway and I didn’t even realize I sat down. “I should have just left.”

“Don’t worry, you will be leaving. I just need to go make a few adjustments and we can move on.”

Looking up at her, my vision swam. I had to wipe at my eyes for it to clear up. “What are you talking about?”

“You can’t stay here, obviously. You hold too much knowledge and not enough control. Your alter-ego isn’t a very good teacher even if she is more practical.”

The thought of running away sounded good and bad all at the same time. Dad wouldn’t stand for it that was for sure.

“I can’t leave my dad. It would kill him.”

Jennifer looked down at me with sympathy that I didn’t know she possessed. “If you don’t leave, you will wind up killing him, but don’t worry, I already have this figured out. You’ll be leaving, but you won’t. Go pack your clothes, Ariel while I work this out. When you’re ready then come back down.”

Bordering on a severe depression I dragged myself up and started up the stairs.

“Oh, and Ariel? Just your girl things; you won’t need anything else. Leave anything that you moved here with.”

~O~

The bags were packed. I used green trash bags since I was told to not bring anything I’d arrived with; three of them sat by the back door. I really hadn’t built much of a wardrobe because I wasn’t going to spend more than the necessary amount of time as Darcy as needed.

I thought of leaving Dad a note, but what would I have said? Failing after the third attempt, I crumbled up the piece of paper and tossed it in the trash.

Wiping at my cheek again I took one last look around and picked up the bags.

Jennifer was busy on the floor where the demon took Terry. There was a circle of red light and a whole bunch of funky symbols around the inner ring.

“What are you doing?”

“Fixing a mistake. You were never meant to possess the Book of Zhered-Na, and without its presence, you would have never activated your metagene. There’s nothing I can really do about that now, because if I took the dragon out of you… let’s just say it would be messy and leave it at that.”

She stood and backed away from the circle. “What I can do is take you out of your old self.”

“You mean DC?”

She shook her head. “No, she’s not really real, Ariel. She’s the book, the dragon, and your sub-conscience all mixed together. I’m taking a portion of you out of yourself, sort of. At the end of this, there will be two Ariel Chylde’s. One that was before and one that was after. The one that was before will be staying here with your father.”

“What?” I’m sure she could hear the hurt feelings in my voice.

“It’s still you. In every way that is important and real. I’m not making a copy. This Ariel will be injured by Terry Coomes, but the difference this time around is that Terry will not die. Instead he will be arrested and jailed and you will go about your life as you should have before.”

I sighed. “And I get to be your slave in return? How is that fair?”

“You’ll hardly be a slave. You may come and as go as you wish and you will learn to control your magical knowledge. During this time you will live with me. Your needs will be cared for by me, as your teacher. You will receive a stipend or an allowance if you will, for your work, and you will attend school.”

Turning around, I went and slammed myself down on the stairs. “And all I have to do is give up my father. Why can’t you just stop the demon from killing Terry?”

She shrugged. “I could, but it’ll just happen again and that time I might not be around to fix everything. Besides it’s not like you won’t be around family or anything. I’m your cousin. We’re family.”

I rolled my eyes. “Joy.”

Watching the spell work was now the weirdest thing I’d ever seen. It was like everything in the cellar went into super-fast rewind mode, right up until the point where Terry had me pinned, with his knee in my back. Then everything stopped.

Jennifer performed some cheesy line like before, calling on some amulet thing to split me in twine, I’m guessing that meant two, or it had something to do with string. A female ghost lifted up out of my pinned body and floated over to me. I felt a tingling sensation and then the action resumed for all of five seconds while I heard a wet pop sound coming from me lying on the floor.

Ouch. I was so glad I didn’t remember that happening because it looked really painful.

Then Jennifer zapped the crap out of Terry with some magic Taser or something.

“Time to go.”

I looked back and forth. “What we’re just going to leave me there?”

“Trust me. It’ll be painful, but the other you will be able to get up in a minute and make it upstairs to tell your dad. He’s just got a dislocated shoulder. It’ll heal.”

Another piece of the wall disappeared and I saw what looked like a room surrounded by windows. “Get your bags and move, Ariel, come on.

Picking up the three bags I looked at the frozen scene one last time.

~O~

Houston. Guh.

I was staring out of a floor to ceiling double-paned, half inch thick glass window over the city. Who in their right mind lives in an office building on the fifty-fifth floor? Jennifer Kale, that’s who.

And what kind of name was Kale? I didn’t remember any family members in the vegetable group. It wasn’t unusual. Like I’d said before, my mother’s side of the family was enormous. Even I didn’t know who I was related to. She very well could be some fifth cousin three times removed and I’d never know it without a family tree to examine.

My new room consisted of what was once executive office space. She supposedly had one just like it at the other end of the hall. There was a very small bedroom with its own bathroom and the bigger room out front was an office, or in my case, a living area/work area/studying area/ whatever else area.

She told me the windows were treated with reflective film and she’d also had some spell-work on them that prevented anyone from seeing inside. That’s why I was standing there sipping at a mug of green tea in a pink silk robe and nothing else.

That wouldn’t normally be a big deal, but soon after she left me alone, I switched back to guy mode to make sure it worked and I haven’t been back since. That was yesterday.

I think I slept all of about two hours during the night. It was an unfamiliar bed, in an unfamiliar room and I didn’t have any of my stuff around to comfort me. No computer, no games, no music, nothing. And during all of that I couldn’t get it out of my head that my other self was living the life I should be living.

He got to kiss Susan and be with Dad.

The mug went to the oversized desk and I sat down on the floor to begin yet another round of crying. I swear I’d never cried so much over the previous twelve hours than I had in my entire life with the exception of mom’s funeral.

The door to the office opened unexpectedly and I heard Jennifer’s voice. “Knock Knock.”

I grabbed the robe and pulled it together so I could minimize my embarrassment at having to wear girls clothes as a guy, but it was a wasted effort.

“What are you doing on the floor and why are you a guy again?” She sounded mystified at both possibilities.

I wiped at my cheeks and stared out the window, ignoring her.

“Ariel, what are you doing.”

“Is this my punishment?” I asked.

“Punishment? What are you talking about?”

She stood somewhere to the left of me I saw out of the corner of my eye. “You know, when you do something bad and you get all your important things taken away from you… punishment.”

“Oh.” She sighed like I was a burden that she had to deal with. “No, if anyone’s being punished it’s me. Now go change back into your proper body and get dressed. You have duties to attend to before we sign you up for school. And pick something nice; don’t wear anything slutty like you did yesterday.”

When she spun around and left the room I rubbed my eyes and whispered. “I hate you.”

One thing I noticed, ever since Jennifer abducted me, was that the change between boy and girl mode was a lot faster. I don’t know what she did to me with that spell where she forced me into my girl body, but it made changing genders almost like walking from one room to another.

Grabbing one of the bags, I upended it on the queen-sized bed and frowned at the clothes. Then I grabbed the other and did the same and again for the third. Everything was wrinkled since I didn’t bother to unpack.

I chose a pair of distressed jeans that Susan picked out for me on our shopping trip and a cami. Underwear consisted of just regular bikini panties and a plain bra that matched the color of the top. That was about as nice as I felt at the moment.

Once I was dressed, I tied my hair back and ran a brush over it once before slipping on some sandals. When I was done, I went back out and sat down again on the floor to stare out the window at the worker bees in other buildings moving from office to office.

Thirty minutes later she came back dressed in something that might be considered motherly. It was a joke; it had to be.

Jennifer was in her late twenties with a nice body and huge breasts which she liked to show off at any given moment; at least it seemed that way to me. But to see her in some poofy dress with her hair made up like she was ten years older, and a single string of pearls around her neck brought visions of some of those old black and white reruns of TV shows I’d occasionally pass on the way to better television.

One look at me and she sighed rather roughly. “I said something nice, not whatever is passing for bohemian chic these days.”

In a huff she turned to go into the bedroom. I heard her intake of breath then she came back out. “Why haven’t you hung up your clothes? They’ll have to ironed or washed again. If you want to live here you’ll follow my rules and do as I say…”

I didn’t even let her finish before I scrambled to my feet. “I don’t want to live here! I want to live with my dad! You can’t just kidnap kids and expect them to be perfect little robots! I hate you!”

And with that I rant to the bedroom and slammed the door, locking it and threw myself on the bed to continue my cry-fest.

~O~

The day moved on. I missed lunch and resumed my position on the floor, but this time I move to the corner and leaned against the wall to stare at the little cars on the little streets and the little people that got into them and drove away.

My stomach growled and I knew I was hungry since it was near dinner time, but the thought of food made my insides twist. The only thing that came to mind was that it was Thursday and that meant it was spaghetti night back home. I would make the pasta and Dad would toast the garlic bread. We’d sit at the table and tell me a little about whatever case he was working on and I’d tell him about school or a new game that I got.

Then we’d separate and he’d go to sift through his law books and I’d do whatever.

It was bland, but it was my life, and I never realized how much I missed it until it was gone.

A knock sounded at the office door, but I ignored it and wished Jennifer would just leave me alone. Eventually she knocked one more time and then just gave up.

The next morning found me struggling out of bed since I still hadn’t bothered to put the clothes away. I took a shower because I was beginning to stink, then dressed similar to the way I was before: jeans, cami, and sandals. I gave up trying to be a guy again, mainly because I didn’t have any clothes and felt weird about wearing girl’s stuff as a guy.

It didn’t really make any difference either way, just more hair and boobs.

My butt hurt from sitting on the floor for so long so I dropped down onto the leather executive chair and slumped over the blotter on the desk with my head cradled on my crossed arms.

I wondered what Susan was doing. Probably in the middle of class or thinking about what she and the other Ariel were going to do that night. Friday night was date night and that meant they’d be together at the stupid field where it all started. She’d kiss him and have sex with him and I’d be here with the wicked witch of Houston.

Jennifer didn’t bother knocking this time. She just strode on in like she owned the place, which apparently she did and sat herself across from me in one of the two chairs that were available. I didn’t even bother twitching at her presence.

“I didn’t kidnap you. I gave you a choice. Now you can sit here and waste away or you can do something about what started this whole thing to begin with. That means you need to learn. That’s why I offered you the apprenticeship.”

Looking out the window from my place at the desk, I snorted. “You didn’t offer me anything. You declared I was your apprentice and started barking orders. And I’m pretty convinced that you’re just waiting for me to die so you can get your precious book. I wish I’d never seen the damn thing.”

All that came out in a rather hoarse voice because I hadn’t had anything to drink since the green tea the morning before.

Her voice took on a different tone than before, softer I suppose. “I was ten when my mother died. I don’t know who my father is. I went from foster home to foster home until I graduated high school and began my studies in magic.”

I blinked and continued to stare out the window.

“So I know what it’s like to be ripped away from everything that gave you comfort. That’s why I’m trying to set things in motion to stabilize your life, Ariel. I’m trying to give you purpose so you can put the past behind you. That means keeping you busy and not sitting here moping.”

Picking my head up, I looked at her. “Then quit being a bitch. We may be cousins but we’re not family, not by a long shot.”

Jennifer looked like she was holding herself back from snapping at me. Her voice took on a tense tone, but she kept it civil. “Then what do you suggest? How do we make this work? You can’t go back to your old home; you know the reasons why. So where do you go from here?”

I slumped, knowing that she was right, even though she was the world’s foremost expert on how not to be tactful.

With a frown firmly placed on my face. “School.”

She nodded. “That’s a good place to start.”

That’s when I noticed that Jennifer was holding something in her hand. She leaned forward and put them on the desk. “I had a friend of mine enter you into public record.”

I picked up the stack of cards and words left my mouth before I was thinking. “You actually have friends?”

As soon as I’d said it I’d regretted being as bitchy as she was. “Sorry, that was rude.”

Her lips pursed at me, but she let it go. “Yes, as amazing at it may seem. You’ll find your address updated to here on your identification, a bank card that is connected to the account I will deposit your stipend into, library card, and various shopping cards.”

I looked at the ID. It was just a state issued card and not a driver’s license. I guessed with the ability to open a door to anywhere, Jennifer didn’t feel the need to drive.

“Now, I can give you a choice. Would you like me to take you shopping for some proper clothes that would be expected of someone of your new status or would you like to go by yourself?”

Considering that I didn’t have a clue as to where I was in relation to anything since I’d never even visited Texas before much less Houston, I deferred to her. “With you I guess.”

She nodded. “Good. Now, let’s get you registered at school and then we’ll go shopping.”

~O~

We stepped out of the portal Jennifer made into the school itself. The area we emerged was empty of people and as I scanned the place I spotted what had to be the main office.

“Where are we at?” I asked.

“Jersey Village Senior High School. It’s located in the northwest portion of suburban Houston. I thought it best to choose a school that was known for its curriculum and for the type of people that attend. They’re more like you and not inner city. You’ll be less likely to have to use your powers here to defend yourself.”

I almost laughed at the thought. It made me wonder where she grew up if she thought suburbia was any better than inner city. The only difference I’d ever seen was that the students were better dressed.

She looked around confused until I pointed to the place where we should be.

When we entered the office she took point and I meandered around a couple of bulletin boards where activity postings were at. From the looks of things they had a club for every conceivable type of activity there was.

“Ariel.”

I turned around to see Jennifer taking a seat and holding about fifteen pounds of paper work. It wasn’t really that much, but it seemed like it. I sat beside her and watched as she slid her hand over the entire stack. All of my information appeared, filling in all the blanks with pertinent information.

“Whoa.”

Jennifer smirked. “You too can do this if you want to learn. Now, take a look at everything. There are some choices that you have to make for extracurricular activities and so forth. I’ve filled in the basic information, insurance, emergency contact list and so forth.”

The first thing I noticed was my name. Ariel Rae Chylde-Kale. The Rae portion wasn’t so jarring since my male middle name was Raymond. I’d figured it would be feminized at some point, but the last name?

“Why am I Chylde-Kale?”

“Because in the eyes of the law, I’m your guardian, and the Kale name holds sway in this city.”

I frowned. “I thought you were an orphan.”

“I am, but that doesn’t mean I’m not rich and influential.”

“I’m not calling you Mom.”

She just smirked and pointed at the paperwork, for me to get busy.

Most of it I didn’t care about. Being a junior in high school only left me a few options for electives, so I chose Russian I as a foreign language, Photography I as an extra since I had always like taking pictures, and I perused the list of Gym alternates. There was no way I was going to be stripping down daily in the girl’s locker room if I could avoid it. That much angst I could do without.

“Why don’t you choose Dance?” Jennifer suggested.

I looked at her like she was insane. “No thanks. I don’t have any deep seated desires to wear a tutu.”

She giggled and it was the oddest sound coming from her mouth, like it didn’t belong there — ever. “That’s Classical Dance; regular Dance is for the school drill team. You go out and dance for the boys on the football team… nevermind. That was probably a bad idea.”

“No kidding.”

Jennifer pointed out something else. “How about Yoga and Pilates? That would help you with your spell work.”

“Seriously?”

She nodded. “Pilates is always a good activity. It keeps the body in shape and Yoga will help with meditation which is a large part of getting in touch with your magic and controlling it. I spend at least two hours a day meditating.”

I shrugged. “I guess.”

“Good, we’re finished.”

Jennifer gathered up all the papers and left behind various pamphlets, and a bound student handbook. She spent a few minutes talking to someone and then shook her head, gesturing to toward me. A sense of claustrophobia started niggling at me so I got up and stepped out into the open hallway. Lucky me, the bell just rang.

The halls started filling with people moving from class to class. I was immediately singled out for most of the male population’s viewing pleasure, which made me turn right back around and reenter the office.

My faux-mother waved me to her. “Ariel, this is Mrs. Bottoms. She needs to take your picture for your student ID.”

Used to the procedure, I assumed the position and heard the click. A few minutes later and the machine spit out a card, and thus I was reborn into my new hell.

~O~

“Try this one,” Jennifer called out as she set yet another outfit over the door to the changing room.

“I haven’t even gotten the last one on yet, and I am not wearing yellow, you can forget that.”

I heard her displeasure from behind the door and it made me smile a little. “What colors do you want to wear?”

“I like black, and red, blue is okay, and green sometimes, but the fruity colors suck.”

“You have a pink robe. That’s not fruity?”

“Susan picked that out for me and thanks again for reminding me about what I left behind.”

She growled and pulled two of the outfits down.

~O~

“I don’t need all this underwear.”

She was going insane filling up the shopping tote with virtually every conceivable thing in the store.

“It’s called lingerie, Ariel, and a girl can never have too much.”

I sighed and tried to use logic. “I won’t have anywhere to put it. My dresser will already be full from the last place we stopped.”

She waved the problem away. “I’ll expand your room and add another. Not to worry.”

Trying to make sense of that made my brain hurt. How would expanding a bedroom and adding a second dresser solely for the storage of lingerie be logical?

~O~

We didn’t spend any length of time in the shoe store, not more than it took her to talk to the manager on duty, swipe her card and leave.

“What did you just do?”

Jennifer threw me a look. “This is where I do all of my shoe shopping. They have the best and they’re willing to deliver all the newest styles every season.”

“Deliver? How many shoes are we talking about here?”

It was her turn to look at me like I was going crazy. “Well… all of them.”

I blinked. “You just bought the entire store?”

She giggled that mangled laugh of hers. “Don’t be stupid. Just the size six for me and size nine for you, and even then, only one pair of each.”

~O~

It was night before we retreated home. Jennifer stopped off at an Italian restaurant and ordered take out. I was famished. Having worked though the worst of my depression with activity had reawakened my appetite. As much as I’d hated to admit it, Jennifer was right about that. Not much else, mind you.

We ate and I ate some more. She was amused by that, so I grabbed a couple extra breadsticks and went to my room. There were bags everywhere in the office. It was then that I’d realized exactly how much we’d bought. I’d never be able to pay her back.

Yes, I had an issue with taking money from other people. At home, I’d earned it doing special projects for Dad. Here, I hadn’t done anything but cry and sulk.

When I gathered up two handfuls of bags I went into the bedroom and nearly fell down at how it had changed.

Gone was the tiny room from before. It looked like a wall had been knocked out into the office space next door. Everything was already nicely decorated, and I had two dressers and an armoire.

“When did she have the time to do this?”

“I made a copy of my rooms,” she said from behind making me nearly leap out of my shoes. “Sorry, I thought you heard me knock. Here, let me help with that.”

Both her hands came out, her fingers bent in specific directions as she pointed them at the bags. All the clothes shot out, were divested of their tags, then they were shook. The folding wrinkles that are always on new clothes came out and everything looked freshly washed.

Dozens of hangers emerged from the closet and before I knew it everything was hung up and stored. Several drawers opened and they were filled with lingerie, shorts, socks, incidentals. My makeup found its way to its table and mirror then all of the bags folded up neatly and disappeared.

“Always recycle.”

Okay, I was supremely impressed. “That was…” I was about to say awesome, but I realized that I was a little too enthusiastic when I was supposed to be hating her. “I mean that was pretty cool,” I said nonchalantly.

She smiled knowingly which I hated. “It’s okay to like magic, Ariel. It’s not just for doing harm and interfering with your life. Sometimes it can be very useful.”

We stood looking at each other for a few moments before she broke the silence. “I’ll let you settle in. If you need anything, I’m right down the hall.”

Before she’d made it to the outer office door I stopped her. “Jennifer?”

She stopped and looked back.

“Why here? Why an office building? Why not a house?”

She nodded in understanding at my question. “You’ll learn some of this during your first actual lesson in magic. The world is a spider’s web of magical power. Picture that web surrounding the Earth. There are certain places where several strands of magic intersect where magic is at its most concentrated. One floor above us at 777 feet in the sky above Houston is the strongest focal point on the planet. From here we can accomplish anything we set our minds to.”

I swallowed at the thought.

“Good, you have a healthy respect for what that means. It’s an awesome responsibility to be the strongest witch in existence and almost as much to be her apprentice. By awesome I don’t mean Wow, like totally awesome! I mean it as a heavy burden to bear. You will be required to make decisions that will weigh heavily on other people’s lives for the greater good of all the people on Earth. You may have an idea about what I mean.”

She opened the door and stood at its edge. “Sleep well, Ariel. Tomorrow we will begin.”

I ate one of my breadsticks as I ran a bath, sprinkling salts and a few beads in the water. No, I didn’t normally take baths, but I needed to relax after a particularly trying two days. Plus, girls took baths, right? They were supposed to be some gateway to nirvana or so the commercials on TV said.

After tying up my hair, I stepped in and sank below the suds. It felt particularly nice, but it wasn’t orgasmic or anything. I gave myself a quick scrub noticing that I still didn’t need to shave. That made me wonder if whatever burned me totally torched my hair follicles. In some ways that would be convenient. I’d never have to worry about razor blades, but I also knew I’d look like this forever, all bare prepubescent skin without even a patch between my legs.

Yeah, it looked sexy on some of the girls in magazines, but it felt incomplete to me in a way.

I closed my eyes and leaned back, trying again to get in touch with DC. I hadn’t heard from her in two days and it was starting to worry me. She was my last contact from my previous life and I was greedy of anything I could hold on to in that respect.

Nothing.

~O~

This morning it was me that sought out Jennifer for once. She was in the kitchen, another office that was retrofitted with a pretty nice set up. She was lounging with her laptop doing something while breakfast was cooking itself on the stove.

“How do you like your eggs?”

I decided to screw with her a little. “Um, poached with country gravy.”

In response she raised an eyebrow then waggled her fingers at the kitchen. “You look nice today.”

I looked down at the soft pleated shorts I was wearing that looked more like a really short skirt than anything else and a smocked flutter-sleeve shirt that hung just off my shoulders. Yes, I’m learning the correct description of clothes now. It’s disgusting. The top was orange and the shorts were pinkish. Jennifer called the colors something else, but to me they were orange and pink. The strangest part about the whole outfit was the shoes.

I was wearing heels. Gray suede slingback wedge sandals. They weren’t all that tall, only two inches which evened me out to six feet tall. I think I was wanting to make Jennifer feel really short or something. Looking at myself in the mirror that morning all I could see were impossibly long sculpted legs that I’d love to be wrapped around me as a guy. Instead, I’d be doing the wrapping. Yeesh, there was a thought.

“Thanks.”

When I sat down, Jennifer gestured to my legs. “You might want to cross them or you’re going to kill some poor guy when he tries to scam a look and falls flat on his face.”

I blinked. “They’re shorts.”

She smiled knowingly. I was really beginning to hate that smile. “Yeah, but they’re very loose, and it looks like a skirt at first glance. I can still tell you’re wearing your pink bikini panties underneath.”

My thighs slammed shut and I pulled my right leg over my left. I was annoyed at how comfortable it felt rubbing my smooth calves together like that.

“So have you come up with a line to keep the boys away?”

I shook my head in confusion. “Sorry?”

“Boys. Face it, Ariel. You’re like supermodel tall, and not too badly built. Boys are going to be crawling all over each other at school to get a date with you, that is if you don’t scare them away first.”

“I’m not gay...” I stopped and thought about how that sounded considering the body I was wearing. “Or whatever. I’ll just tell them I’m a lesbian.”

She giggled before sipping at her coffee. “You’d better purchase something rainbow colored before Monday then.”

A plate with my eggs floated to the table along with some another with toast.

“Just eggs and toast?”

“Hmm, yes. You don’t want to be full for your first lesson. It’s harder on the stomach.”

I considered that she was a witch. “Oh… we’re not going to be mixing in a caldron or something. Eye of newt, wing of bat…”

I got the crazy look again. “Wrong kind of witch. We manipulate energy to serve our needs. Leave the potion mixing to the commoners.”

~O~

The morning and better part of the afternoon saw me sitting on my butt inside the upper floor’s circle. Jennifer had a magic circle painted with the blood of a thousand virgins, or it could have just been red paint, one of the two.

We worked on my connection to magic and by the end of the lesson I could almost feel the otherworldliness tingling up and down my legs. I thought poor circulation was the more likely cause, but whatever satisfied Jennifer and got her off my back.

Since I did such a spectacular job with sitting, I thought I’d hit her up for school supplies, sort of.

“Well I suppose you do need a camera for photography class.” She seemed reluctant. It was almost like she thought it would be a waste of money or something.

“You just bought one of everything in a high-end shoe store that you might wear once before buying the next season’s selections. I think a professional camera that I can use for a few years, every day, would be a good investment.”

I got the raised eyebrow for that. “I’ll transfer ten-thousand dollars into your account. Anything more than that you’ll have to earn.”

My throat seized up and I nearly choked. I was thinking about six or seven hundred dollars tops. “Sure, no problem.”

“And pick up a cell phone while you’re out, one of the newer ones… make it two. I’m due for an upgrade.”

“Uh-huh. Any particular options?”

She stopped what she was doing and turned to me. “Ariel, I’ll explain something that should clear up any questions like this in the future. If they have it, I want it. That means I want you to go out and buy the best camera so by the time summer rolls around it won’t be so old that just anyone on the street has something similar. The same goes for the phone and its options, or pretty much anything.”

“Got it.”

Remember when I told you about Dad not showing off his wealth so much? Jennifer was the exact opposite.

When I turned around to go grab my purse I paused. “Um… how I’m supposed to get there?”

She shook her head. “Oh, right. I’ll have to work with you on that spell. It’s handy in situations like this. Go get your purse, and put some makeup on, Ariel. You’re not in Mayberry anymore.”

“Mayberry?”

“Nevermind, just put some makeup on. I’ll have your account transfer complete by the time you get back.”

That task was easier said than done without DC’s help. Yeah, I followed everything she did the first time she really showed me how to put it on, but that was days ago and it was only the one lesson.

“DC,” I said as I sat down in front of the mirror. “If you’re there, I really could use soom help with this stuff.”

I didn’t feel her presence but I picked up an eyebrow pencil and tried to do my best.

Twenty minutes went by. I really wasn’t going for a complete transformation, just enough to get Jennifer off my back. So that meant eyebrows, liner, mascara, lipstick, and a touch of powder.

“Not the best in the world…”

I stuck the lipstick in the purse and hung it on my shoulder.

She frowned at me when I made it back. “Remind me to go over proper makeup application tomorrow.”

I spread my hands out. “What? I’ve been a guy for the last sixteen years.”

Jennifer handed me a tissue. “Wipe that lipstick off. It’s completely the wrong shade.”

She left and then returned a minute later. “Purse your lips.”

With a brush applicator she dabbed and then slid it across each of my lips until she was satisfied. “There, that’s better. You did well on your eyes, but that’s more of a daytime application. At night you’ll need to be more dramatic, definitely some eye shadow is needed, but it’s still daylight. Just make sure you’re back by night.”

“Eight-twenty-nine, got it.”

Jennifer paused as she recapped the lipstick and handed it to me. “You know when full dark is?”

I blinked and looked to the window. “Sunset is at seven-fifty-nine and full dark is usually thirty minutes after.”

She smiled. “You’re right. Did you look that up?”

I shook my head. “Uh, no. Ever since I started changing between a boy and a girl I just know.”

“Good to know.”

Why did I just feel like I shouldn’t have told her that?

“I’m opening a portal to the electronics shop that I use. They know me, just mention my name and let them know what you want in general terms. They’ll set you up. Call me when you’re ready to return.”

She gave me her card. Jennifer Kale

I had to stare at it for a few moments before the number showed up -- cute.

The place she let me out was across the street from the mall we’d shopped at in a place called the Galleria. That made me smile for the first time in two days. I was really yearning for a banana smoothie from a shop that I saw there the day before. However, business came first.

The store was fairly upscale and the service was pretty good considering two guys behind the counter bounced off of each other in a race to see who got to me first. There were some advantages to being leggy.

A guy with a black t-shirt with the store logo on it and a nametag that read Luke beat his competitor.

“Hi, I’m Luke.”

I grinned lightly at his enthusiasm. “Hi Luke. I’m Ariel. Jennifer Kale sent me.”

His eyes lit up even more. It was weird seeing him face to face like that. I was so used to people being shorter than I was especially in the heels I was wearing.

“Of course. You must be her youngerrr…”

“Cousin.”

“Right. How can I help you today, Ariel?”

“Jennifer said she wanted to get an upgrade for her cell and wanted me to get one like it.”

He nodded. “Yeah, it’s been almost two months since she moved up. I was beginning to think she’d gone somewhere else.”

Two months? I’d be lucky if I could upgrade every two years.

He turned around and looked at his partner. “Kale account upgrade times two.”

His eyes widened and he snapped to. “On it.”

Luke turned around. “He’ll have that ready in five minutes, Ariel. Is there anything else I can show you today?”

I giggled at the scene. Jennifer had these boys whipped into knowing exactly what to do. I don’t know why I even asked. “Yeah, I’m taking a photography class and she said I should get the best. Can you help me out?”

He gave me a single nod. “Right this way. You’re looking for professional grade I assume, for those sometimes hard to get shots?”

“I guess. I’m normally used to taking pictures around the house, but I just moved in with Jennifer and well…”

Luke held up his hand. “Say no more. If Ms. Kale has taken you under her wing then I already know the requirements.”

He stepped behind the counter and unlocked a display case to pull out this monster camera with an equally monster lens.

“Whoa. That’s big.”

“This is the Nikon D3s. Twelve megapixel, standard in the industry. They have a twenty-four meg, but it’s still new and kind of buggy at the moment. I’m not a big fan. This should take care of all your needs.”

“Okay, I’ll take your word for it.” I bit my lip and saw the price tag on the display seat. $6500. “Do I need anything else with it?”

He stood there, with a glint on seriousness in his eye. “Do you trust me Ariel?”

“This is for school. I’m not opening a studio or anything.”

He grinned. “I’ll set you up with a flash, an alternate lens in addition to this for everyday shots, a decent storage card, carrying bag, and cleaning equipment.”

I nodded and hoped it wouldn’t be more than ten thousand.

It wasn’t -- barely. The phones ramped up the price, but I still got away under $8000. The smoothie wasn’t nearly as expensive.

Sitting at one of the fancy tiny-tables, in front of the purveyor of fine smoothie goodness, I sipped on my drink and was paging through the operation manual for the monster camera I’d just bought. Apparently if you press the correct series of buttons under the proper menus and clicked the right switch, it would bear your children. I’m exaggerating, but not by much.

After I finished, I looked around. I’d had more than enough shopping experience the day before to last me a lifetime, so I bid the mall goodbye and found a secluded alcove before calling Jennifer.

~O~

Sunday was a repeat of Saturday, except I actually did something with only the power of my mind and a wiggy hand gesture. Granted making a pencil roll across the desk after three hours of concentrating on it wasn’t a major accomplishment for Jennifer, but it was wicked for me.

Monday morning found me stepping out of a portal and listening to my heels click on the tile the school had installed near their commons area. I didn’t really want to wear heels for my first day of class, but Jennifer insisted that I make a good impression and not tarnish the name of Kale.

If anything happened, I decided, it would be her own fault for tagging it on the end of mine.

I found my locker and stored some of the load I was carrying with me. The camera bag would have to go to the photography lab, with all its extras. I’d wind up having a back problem carrying it around all day otherwise. The camera, of course stayed with me. It was insured, but there was no way I was letting that thing out of my sight. Luckily I had a decent-sized backpack.

I’d arrive at the lab a little early and had to wait five minutes for the teacher to show up.

“Can I help you?”

I nodded. “I’m Ariel Chylde. It’s my first day and the information pack said I could leave some of my equipment here?”

She smiled at me. “A shutterbug are we?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, come on in,” she said as she turned the lights on. “Find yourself an empty locker and tell me what the number is.”

She walked over behind her desk and used a key to open one of the drawers.

“Twenty-three,” I called out. She nodded and made a note before writing something on a strip of paper.

“Here you go. That’s the combination for that locker. Don’t lose it or share that with anyone else.”

When I stored my bag in there, I thought I’d lost about ten pounds instantly. Unzipping the main portion I took out the camera and set it inside my backpack.

“Was that a D3?” I heard her say.

I looked up and the teacher was staring at me, looking kind of excited. “Uh, yeah.”

She nodded approvingly. “Well I expect to see some nice shots from you, Ariel. I’m Miss Connors by the way.”

We shook hands and I closed my locker. “Anything in particular that you’re looking for?”

Miss Connors shrugged. “Anything that promotes school spirit goes without saying, but if you see anything that speaks to you don’t hesitate to capture it. Oh, we have one more position open on the school paper and I have three others in competition would you like me to include your name?”

“Yeah, I guess.” I’d only just bought the thing and hadn’t had any formal training, or informal for that matter, but I wasn’t going to tell her that.

I’d spent half the night shooting anything and everything around my room to get used to how the thing worked. Jennifer was completely annoyed with me by day’s end.

See, there’s a silver lining in every cloud.

TBC...

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Comments

NO, please, I did not mean it that way.

I am so sorry that you were offended. "Comment Whore", was meant to be a sort of joke, and I meant to refer to all of us, myself included. I tell others that I write for myself, but in truth I enjoy comments and kudos as much as anyone. It's just a self protection mechanisim because I know that I will not get 100 or even 50 kudos. I am not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

Much peace

Khadijah

I'm a comment whore, and proud!

Of course, I'm not anywhere near as good an author as Lil, so I don't expect to see as many comments. Still, they make the story writing worthwhile. As for this chapter, I felt for Ariel. I'm assuming that Jennifer means well, but it doesnt make having to leave everyone he/she cares about behind any easier.

Dorothycolleen

DogSig.png

Part 4 of 5

I justhave to wonder if Ms. Kale is anywhere near who she purports to be, and especially if Ariel is any better off, or is about to get dumped on big time.

Enjoying this series

My apologies for not commenting on the previous stories in the series. I do tend to be a bit of a lurker in general. But this story like most of yours is really good. I did find the appearance of Jennifer Kane to be a bit abrupt. I wonder if there will be any repercussions due to the obvious twisting of the fabric of reality that occurred to enable the escape of Ariel.

It was meant to be abrupt.

It was meant to be abrupt. She's got a big ego and likes it when others are surprised. However Jennifer has appeared in the CRU, recently under my pen. She was inserted into the latest Jade story so people would have a clue about her existence and her level of disturbed reality.

Repercussions? Why do you think... I don't know what you mean. (innocent stare, including shiny halo)

~Lili

Blog: http://lilithlangtree.tglibrary.com/
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/lilith_langtree

~Lili

Write the story that you most desperately want to read.

DC manifastation

Well maybe the fact that DC left female Ariel and that Jennifer changed time at the point before Ariel summoned the dragon. I wonder if altnernate Ariel still has DC and can change. That would really screw up Jennifers plan. I kind of hope so since I can't stand her :D

Hate Her

Enemyoffun's picture

And hate her everyone will....trust me. She is...well, I'm not going to say anything.... :)

Hate? try Despise

Well to be honest I found this chapter irritating primarily because of her - she is an interfering B****h, also the casual abuse of magic really got tiresome fast. I find Magic works best when it is used subtly and with full understanding of the consequences, not to save bus fares. I also suspect that DC stayed behind with other Ariel, which is where the other story you mentioned will come in.

Jennifer Kale is a terrible role model for Ariel, I wish she would get out from her shadow as soon as possible before she becomes a spoilt little egomaniac like her - Oh and where does she get this idea she is the most powerful witch when we all know Ilyana Rasputin is the Sorceress Supreme? from her comments about her I am guessing no love is lost here, which leads me to fear that poor Ariel has been abducted by a super-villain.

The nature of Monkey is - Irrepressible!!!

The nature of Monkey is - Irrepressible!!!

Well, then you're in for a

Well, then you're in for a treat in the next chapter. Is there a stronger word than despised? There are some great descriptions of her personality below that might shed some light on her personality and how it became that way, but they would be... well, I won't say wrong, but not quite hitting the mark.

~Lili

Blog: http://lilithlangtree.tglibrary.com/
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/lilith_langtree

~Lili

Write the story that you most desperately want to read.

Which then begs the question...

Is HER really better than HIM??? ;)

-sb

Coordinated
Educational
Network for
Talents and
Emergent
Resources

Coordinated
Educational
Network for
Talents and
Emergent
Resources

Uh huh....

I see those horns supporting that halo, Lilith!

But one thing.... I thought the Eye was worn by someone else?

The Eye of Aggamotto is worn

The Eye of Aggamotto is worn by Illyana Rasputin. (or Doctor Stange in canon comics) however there was a precursor to the Eye that has been forgotten over the years... the Amulet of Aggamotto. Doctor Strange was wearing that at the start of the comics and then later presented with the Eye, a more potent artifact. You'll find out more on that in chapter 5

~Lili

Blog: http://lilithlangtree.tglibrary.com/
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/lilith_langtree

~Lili

Write the story that you most desperately want to read.

Enjoying

I really am enjoying this new story. I read the note on chapter 3 however did not comment as sometimes it is in the evening and I have had a bit to drink. Nobody diserves a drunken comment.

I have read ALL of your stories and have loved them all. I always look forward to reading anything and everything that you write. You make reading fun and interesting

James

More Questions...

Jemima Tychonaut's picture

Hopefully being Jennifer's apprentice isn't some form of indentured servitude stretching on forever but I'm wondering how long it takes to graduate from apprentice of the mystic arts to mistress. I'm guessing probably longer than Ariel has left in high school! Her arrival and the disappearance of DC raises some interesting questions for the next chapter most certainly. I recall DC saying the longer she spent in the world, the more she was anchored to it. I can't help but wonder if splitting Ari into two people means the reverse is true for his male form. Will that disappear the longer Ariel spends in female form? Stuff to ponder.

I can't think of much worse than having someone else take over your identity, live your life with your loved ones and you being pulled away to be someone else, somewhere else. I thought you did an excellent job of conveying the hopelessness of that situation for Ariel.

As for your opening paragraph, yeah as someone whose work does usually receive less than ten comments on the whole I would agree that comments do make a difference. In my case, I think I treasure those I do get all the more.

Anyway, thank you for this story and I'm looking forward to the next chapter.



"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."

Indentured servitude would

Indentured servitude would be a very apt description of what Jennifer has in store for Ariel. Judging from the classics regarding master/apprentice relationships, it would probably be a decade or so, but considering DC's presence, Ariel has a big head start.

Identity theft: I thought I'd change that up a little. In essence, her/his identity was stolen and it wasn't, since the person left behind is truly Ariel Chylde, just the depowered Ariel from before. So, I don't know what you'd call it. That's why I didn't tag it as Identity theft. Plus, she's keeping her name with a minor addition. It's a gray area.

~Lili

Blog: http://lilithlangtree.tglibrary.com/
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/lilith_langtree

~Lili

Write the story that you most desperately want to read.

DC still present

Hint, hint? I mean, apparently Ariel is still trying to mentally communicate with DC but there does not seem to be a separate presence. Well, like it has been said, Ariel is a she now, and if Jenn is right then he has already been transsexed and is living in DCs body but with his ego controlling it. Ergo, DC is not needed around Consciously anymore, as was described, she is the subconscious.

Ariel needed to have complete control as I've suspected so I am suggesting having DC manifest as a conscious ego is a bad thing as it would be giving too much control over the magic and letting the magic have the control, never I good thing I think.

So it sounds like Ariel will not have that instantaneous support anymore but will rely on only the usual human hunches from DC but no actual talking anymore.

Sigh, Jennifer Kale is annoying and Ariel for all her faults is down to earth. Jenn is kinda blind to folks who live a common life I see and she needs to come to an understanding of her apprentice is if she will truly have a more harmonious and possible more loving relationship. It is up to Ariel to push who she is in that aspect, if she is uncomfortable with wealth, make Jenn understand. Some things can't go back of course, like Dad. Maybe she can visit someday and claim to be a cousin of male Ariel but that is for the future I guess.

Thing is, both of these are needs on a personal level and I would hope that Jenn understands it is easier to learn if one has a harmonious heart and soul and would therefore be able to channel and work magic better.

They have a lot of work cut out for them.

Kim

Pity

Wow this sucks for Ariel... Jennifer created a copy of him, killed of DC and forces him to be female. Going from funny gender bender to major angst factor. I just hope for Ariel, that Jennifer has a plan to reunite his to versions, because this is really shitty for Ariel.

Great story, I can barely await the next update.

Woah! Talk about your hard

Woah! Talk about your hard left turns! Really looking forward to part 5 now.

So which lens did she buy? Certainly not the kit one...

I knew I'd encounter a

I knew I'd encounter a shutterbug along the way. (Curses!) I didn't go that far into the research toward the D3 so I didn't mention the types of lens she purchased. Suffice to say that the salesperson knows to provide the best for Jennifer Kale so it's probably not on the low end. I'll go into it more in the third story when she actually uses the thing for something other than school.

Thank you for pointing it out. Lesson to author's: always do your research because the people that read your stories know what they're talking about.

~Lili

Blog: http://lilithlangtree.tglibrary.com/
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/lilith_langtree

~Lili

Write the story that you most desperately want to read.

Well, you have stirred me

Well, you have stirred me out of my passiveness. I have been a reader of your stories for quite a while but never commented. I know the results of positive feedback and have not been paying attention. I will try to do better. Thank you for all your stories. I really look forward to them

Only the Beginning

littlerocksilver's picture

Obviously, this story cannot be wrapped up in one chapter. Glad to know there are future books and chapters out there. I think Jennifer needs to rein in a bit on the control. Once again, I am getting hints of possibilities. Ariel's doppleganger is the result of a bifurcation of the spirit. I find this situation unsatisfactory, and feel that there needs to be a rejoining at some time in the future. Ariel had a good relationship with his/her father, and that shouldn't be taken from her.

Jennifer feels the need to raise Ariel's abilities and skills quickly. Obviously, maybe not, Ariel is needed for some future confrontation. Her skills need to be honed. However, I find this complete abandonment of her previous life as a less than satisfactory situation. They need to know!

Jennifer altered past events to change outcomes; however, there have to be ripples. Then there is the thing about Ariel's mother. I'm beginning to wonder.

There was only one comment when I started writing this comment, and now there are nearly a dozen. That should say something.

Girl.jpg
Portia

Portia

Yes, there's another

Yes, there's another completed story, 3 chapters long that continues this from a different perspective, and another from yet another perspective that I'm currently working on. At the end of the second story is a decent conclusion to the story arc, but leaves unanswered questions which I start to answer in the third... confused yet?

~Lili

Blog: http://lilithlangtree.tglibrary.com/
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/lilith_langtree

~Lili

Write the story that you most desperately want to read.

Yes, I am!

But I'm still here! And I still love this, although I miss the DC/Ariel interaction. I look forward to more of this!

Wren

Nice Story

I'm gonna be sad to see this end in the next chapter. Sigh. This was a bitter turn of events, but real life is like that, especially to Twomen. Poor kid.

Much peace

Khadijah

excellent story

Another excellent story from you.

Hugs,
Jenna From FL
Moderator/Editor
TopShelf BigCloset

Hugs,
Jenna From FL
Moderator/Editor
TopShelf BigCloset
It is a long road ahead but I will finally become who I should be.

"Just a taste"

Dormammu's a sly bastard. He claims to just give a taste of power, and he throws enough in to very near enough to completely corrupt Ariel on it's own. Of course, considering it's Dormammu, it probably IS only a small fraction of what he could give someone... at the price of their soul.

Getting rid of that taint is going to take a lot of work, and despite Jennifer's "assurances" (if they could be called that), I'm not too comfortable having a potential hellmouth open up right next to the biggest ley line on Earth. Sounds like a recipe for disaster!

Can hardly for more.

Just one question: are these point of view shifts going to continue the story, or retell this one from another perspective?

The following chapters with

The following chapters with continue with the story in a linear fashion. I am not a fan of retelling the exact same story from a different POV. If their POV is so important to understanding the story then it needs to be told in 3rd person instead of 1st.

The taint and Dormammu become an issue in the third story. I think you'll be able to see where I'm going to go at the end of chapter 5 and I don't think anyone has really guessed that at this point, mainly because the issues surround that plot haven't come up entirely yet.

~Lili

Blog: http://lilithlangtree.tglibrary.com/
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/lilith_langtree

~Lili

Write the story that you most desperately want to read.

Enjoying the story

I'm enjoying the story, but I have to say that after reading the first 3 chapters I could see no way that this could end well for Ariel. This chapter turns it all around with this interesting turn of events. Ariel might not be happy, but his current situation is a lot better than the hated fugitive scenario it looked like he was headed for.
I'm hoping Ariel manages to fit in better at this new school. Looking forward to chapter 5 :)

I'm wondering...

Jennifer hasn't said a lot about the dragon, or the demon, yet. I wonder if she's got DC blocked so that the dragon can't find Ari until Jennifer's good and ready to let it happen. Which might mean never.

Not that it's a bad decision. Ari needs to develop on her own, both as a woman and as a magic-user. DC seems somewhat sociopathic, and I suspect wouldn't hesitate to manipulate Ari to ensure her own survival.

But I'm hoping to see Ari demonstrate some of her own ability to re-establish the link :)

Comment

I usually don't read all the comments, so pardon me if this has already been mentioned. As I have mentioned, I have no background in comix, so have no knowledke, and don't bother looking them up anywhere either. The more I think about it, the more I think Ari is getting boned by everyone involved, since he is so clueless, and it is only gonna get worse as time goes on.

♂ ↭ ⚥ ↭ ♀?

This isn't really something about this particular story but rather a trend in stories with similar setup:

Something I always think of when boys are magicked into girls and given a chance to live relatively free of control - why don't they make more demands to avoid the girly things? I think it would be realistic for a boy in Ariel's position to absolutely shut out that side, shun make up (not Ariel in particular mind, since he already volunteered to go down that route without any pressure on him) and skirts or dresses, heels, jewellery and other gender/shape enhancing clothes.

Particularly since Ariel still has his male form to fall back to. I think most boys with a male mindset, and he seems to think of himself as male still, would have more of an attachment to that and more of an avoidance of anything girly - more as a reaction to being ripped out of their old life in general than to being put in a girl's life - because girly symbolises a very concrete loss.

Fighting

I think so too... Beeing female and wearing makeup and girls clothes is funny and absolutely ok if you can go back to normal and it is voluntarily. What happened to Ariel seems to be somekind of overdone pettycoat punishment.

There is no real reason to fight it but the fact that his abductor wants him to be a girl. Ariel is forced to be that way, he doesn't need and doesn't want to be a girl. It represents his loss of family and girlfriend. He should fight beeing a girl with everything he has...
But if he was in boyform he might be recognized. That might be a problem...
If Jennifer really wanted to be helpfull she would let him be a boy and put somkind of illusion spell on him so he'd look like another person.

Rewind, split, kidnap

Jenifer seems a bit presumptuous. I suppose you get that way when you can look through time and make first time choices with hind sight knowledge. Still she may want to get a clue that no one else sees events that way and may not agree with her choices. I guess that's why she is so assertive. Her people skills suck too, perhaps Ariel will help her learn something as well. I wonder what happened to DC, and will Ariel ever rejoin with herself or see her dad again. Just how long is an apprenticeship anyway, years, decades or, a life time.

----------
Jenna

Thanks for writing

First: I do read your stories and love all of those I have read.

Second: I will try to do more then just press the 'Good Story' button. I usually don't comment on a story until I have completed it. Oops, I now see I should comment on every chapter.

Thanks again for your stories and education on proper etiquette.

Sincerely
A fan

I enjoy all of your stories

Liltith,

You are one of my must-read authors here on Bigcloset, and I have enjoyed all of your stories. And this is another good one. Although, I do prefer stories in their own universes, rather than fan-fiction.

--Brandon Young

--Brandon Young

Retcon Not Fanfiction

Enemyoffun's picture

This is a Comic Retcon, its not Fan Fiction. We're taking already established characters and changing things, making them our own in a way. We give credit where credit is due but these are not fanfictions.

Darkchylde

Lilith

I have to say you are one of my favorite authors here.

Julie

multi-level comment

Lilith.......... I have a bunch of thoughts both regarding your post and your story. Firstly, let me say that I have been "officially" signed up here with BC for a couple of years but was a serious LURKER for years before. I have read (or at least started) most of the stories that people have posted here. Some I savored and some I couldn't get past the first paragraph as stylistically or storyline-wise, just wasn't for me. Perhaps one day, I may even get the courage to try it myself. Time will tell. That being said, in my opinion, you are a MASTER storyteller. Every time that I see a story by you I KNOW that it will be good and that I can hardly wait til the next installment. This story being a perfect example.I love this story!!

I do understand your attitude regarding getting comments BUT, and it's a serious BUT I think that responsibility goes two ways. You want people to comment and you want to get honest feedback. I think that is a legitimate quest on your part. Nobody lives well in a vacuum, least of all a creative writer. But here is where the BUT comes in. As a reader of your stories, I can not even begin to express how frustrating it is to get really involved in a storyline and just have it discontinued. It's like buying your favorite novel and finding the final two or three chapters missing. I'm sure that you feel that you'll get back to it but REALLY? You strike me as a person goes with what your current passion is and when you change modes, you're on to t he next one. All I'm saying is that as a reader, I have a hard time juggling between being totally involved with your stories and feeling emotionally guarded in the real possibility that the rug is about to be pulled out from under the storyline as you go off to something else. I for one would be much more inclined to comment if I felt that the story was going to be concluded. As yo can tell, I'm not talking about your current story but ones in the past that seem to be abandoned. I think that the writer/Reader responsibility might just go two ways. Just a thought.

Point taken, and given in a

Point taken, and given in a non-offensive manner, Kudos to you.

Regarding unfinished stories: This is a repeat of and old explanation so those of you that have read it before can skip this without missing anything. When I write, I have the whole story planned out ahead of time, done the research, planned the outline, etc. Sometimes, during these stories I get to a certain point in writing where what I planned on isn't really working out and I need to go in a different direction. This happened in the first Center story and it took a while for me to finish it, but finish it I did. Ditto with several others over the last year.

There are even some stories that I note as unfinished and to read at your own risk.

Now, during this process sometime it may take a while to come up with an alternate way of doing things. It's just part of the creative process. If you want an unsatisfying ending then I can whip one up, but I suspect that you want the ending to be just as good as the rest of the story. In other words, I try my best not to write crap, and if I was to just throw together something to satisfy the situation the story would be ruined.

As you can see, with this latest story, I've waited until it was finished before moving on to the next. And I also add a few sentences and/or paragraphs to my unfinished stories very regularly. I'm always working on them. So the pleas that people give are not being ignored.

Lastly, you think you're frustrated? LOL. Imagine what it's like from this side of the screen. I pull out my hair virtually daily because I have so much trouble moving on.

~Lili

Blog: http://lilithlangtree.tglibrary.com/
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/lilith_langtree

~Lili

Write the story that you most desperately want to read.

Point taken!

OK! Point taken. BTW, I don;t think that you could write "CRAP" if your life depended on it. I guess that I'm just a frustrated fan! ......... Adoy

Great taste in cameras

Being kinda a Nikon person myself, the D3 is really quite nice, especially for low light shots which is the only way to go. Flash really sucks. I wonder if the low light thing may play out someday as part of the storyline *shrug*. I for one would also like the cheap Pentax medium format with 42 megapixels and best of all I believe it is under 10000 :).

Finally, the lens is the most important part of the camera, and I am not quite sure if 10K is enough to properly equip it with say three of the best lenses that Nikon has to offer, so I guess that may be for the future then.

Kim

Makes one think

That the book was more of a convenient excuse than anything else. Jennifer was a power in her own right for years, if not more. Why would she even need the book, and at that moment, so she would bother visiting?

Taking something dangerous out of unknowing hands eh? Then why now and not half a year ago when Ariel's mother died? She claims the book is hers by right of blood, but why didn't she take it back earlier if it was soooo important? I find it easier to believe she wanted not a book but a promising apprentice instead - and seeing the opportunity decided to settle for the best one she could get - with little regard to Ariel's feelings on the subject.

As she is Jennifer Kyle is a Nouveau Riche clearly - with settling only with the most expensive of things. I never understood this, as (like Ariel's father) I stress functionality much more than brand, newness and the like. Not surprising actually - as an orphan she was lacking in material riches and human concern, so now she's a rich b-tch. It may also explain why she's so resentful of Ilyana whom she likely considers as 'having it made'.

Faraway


On rights of free advertisement:
Big Closet Top Shelf

Where you can fool around like you want to and most you get is some bemused good ribbing!

Faraway


On rights of free advertisement:
Big Closet Top Shelf

Where you can fool around like you want to and most you get is some bemused good ribbing!

Magic users worth their salt

Magic users worth their salt always look for more knowledge, hence her desire for the book. There's bound to be magic in there she's never heard of. It is over 6000 years old. ;)

Why didn't she take it from Mom? Good question. Not sayin' D8

I like you analysis of Jennifer's motivations, there's just one part that is lacking, but it might not be obvious just yet. You'll find that out in the next chapter.

~Lili

Blog: http://lilithlangtree.tglibrary.com/
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/lilith_langtree

~Lili

Write the story that you most desperately want to read.

I've only spelled out

What was on the surface. As your stories have continually proven, the depth of my analysis is not sufficient, as a rule, to find all the connections. :) Also, I am not going over her cameo in Price of Vengeance so I may be missing some clues.

Jennifer was not cared for since she was ten. Jennifer has not learnt how to care for others.
Jennifer was constricted financially since the same time and till later. And now she wants to flaunt it.
Jennifer was moved from one foster home to another, and it may be considered both a subset of a first, and a factor in its own right. She has never been able to make any lasting connections and may be... lonely.

And, now that some more comments are posted, and her position in regards of Ilyana is explored, I think that she is most worried that one day, like the day her mother died, her entire world is going to end up shattered, again.

My point about the book was more that she was picking a moment awfully inconvenient if gaining the book itself was the primary, or only, concern of hers. So I was looking for other reasons for the timing - apart from the implied one that she was busy elsewhere and only got a vision about the dragon a couple days ago and acted on it promptly.

Faraway


On rights of free advertisement:
Big Closet Top Shelf

Where you can fool around like you want to and most you get is some bemused good ribbing!

Faraway


On rights of free advertisement:
Big Closet Top Shelf

Where you can fool around like you want to and most you get is some bemused good ribbing!

You've got it all so far,

You've got it all so far, but there's something that I've only barely hinted at in her appearance in Jade and this story. It really isn't obvious, but it will be in the next chapter, and I think in the second chapter of the next story it'll be fully revealed. By the first chapter of the second story I plan on seeking shelter in a closet or something for the hate mail regarding her character should be in deluge proportions.

Confused yet? Sorry I didn't want to give away the title of the next story just yet. But some of you may figure it out very soon.

~Lili

Blog: http://lilithlangtree.tglibrary.com/
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/lilith_langtree

~Lili

Write the story that you most desperately want to read.

Do you mean...

"Paranoid beyond reason"? "Seriously whacked out"? "The only reason she wasn't named Sorceress Supreme over Ilyana"?

Am I on the right track?

On the other hand, these were practically pushed up in Jade's POV. Yet, she indeed was very prone to sudden shifts of emotion, of showing surprise over many different questions that Jade asked, of taking the weirdest explanations in stride and being taken off guard by the more mundane of matters.

Does she have some kind of chemical imbalance in her brain or something?

Faraway


On rights of free advertisement:
Big Closet Top Shelf

Where you can fool around like you want to and most you get is some bemused good ribbing!

Faraway


On rights of free advertisement:
Big Closet Top Shelf

Where you can fool around like you want to and most you get is some bemused good ribbing!

Now you're getting it. It

Now you're getting it. It has something to do with that. I'm so very impressed with the readers here. I really am. When they get the little clue something isn't right eventually they'll find the answer or as close to the answer as possible given the information provided.

~Lili

Blog: http://lilithlangtree.tglibrary.com/
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/lilith_langtree

~Lili

Write the story that you most desperately want to read.

Uh Lilith... we have a problem... Houston.

Yes indeed, that problem is Houston.

ch.1

“Oh, cool. I moved here from Houston and I wasn’t really thrilled about entering the Mississippi Bible Belt.”

ch.4

Considering that I didn’t have a clue as to where I was in relation to anything since I’d never even visited Texas before much less Houston, I deferred to her. “With you I guess.”

As a concrit, might I suggest the chapter 1 reference be changed to that other major center of Meta activities in the continental U.S... Chicago ;) (not that my eventual characters will be based there... can't say the story won't go there, but they're not based there ;) )

-sb

Coordinated
Educational
Network for
Talents and
Emergent
Resources

Coordinated
Educational
Network for
Talents and
Emergent
Resources

No problem...

I have a mind like a steel trap... (In Agent 86's voice)

...stories go in, never to be seen nor heard from again. (In The Chief's voice)

-sb

Coordinated
Educational
Network for
Talents and
Emergent
Resources

Coordinated
Educational
Network for
Talents and
Emergent
Resources

Magic Users

Drakira's picture

I'm liking this story a bunch. Although, one thing is irking me. Jennifer says she's the most powerful magic user on the planet. I've read that there are some other magic users that can give her a run for her money at that slot.

Would it be right to say that she is currently the most powerful, but there are others who could probably take that spot away from her?

And where else do those ley-lines go?

Drakira

Drakira

The next chapter may expand

The next chapter may expand on that a little.

Think of Jennifer on a Doctor Strange scale of Sorceress. We're talking mega high level here. Someone that can walk across the veil of dimensions and smack Dormammu upside his head, turn time on its axis, and split apart the soul and body of a child successfully. Yes, she's the strongest, but Illyana Rasputin is destined to be even stronger.

Think of it in terms of Doctor Strange and Doctor Voodoo (the current Sorcerer Supreme in Marvel canon). Both are massively strong. Are there magic users that can give them a tough time? Sure. Even heavyweights can take a fall. But Jennifer knows she's the best at the moment and isn't afraid to let you know it, at least in her mind.

~Lili

Blog: http://lilithlangtree.tglibrary.com/
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/lilith_langtree

~Lili

Write the story that you most desperately want to read.

Heavyhitters

Drakira's picture

Well, given that I am writing about one of, if not the, most powerful magic user in the DC canon, there is going to end up being a powerful trifecta given enough time for Illyana Rasputin and Zee to catch up. Between the three of them, it's anyone's guess who's top dog.

Drakira

Drakira

Considering what I know of

Considering what I know of canon comics I'd rank Dr. Fate at the top of the DC-verse and the Sorcerer Supreme at the top of the Marvel-verse, they have pretty much the same powers and at one point Dr. Strange was strong enough to influence the workings of the entire universe, though that was way over-the-top writing that annoyed me. If he was so powerful then why would the criminal of the week be any trouble whatsoever? He should be able to flick an finger or maybe a toe at him and blink him out of existence.

~Lili

Blog: http://lilithlangtree.tglibrary.com/
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/lilith_langtree

~Lili

Write the story that you most desperately want to read.

IMPO...Jennifer Kale is a royal stuck up witch.

IMPO,like I said I find her a stuck up royal aggorant witch. Maybe that will change in time no clue. But otherwise so far this story is great I know it's not totaly your own orignal but you have put your own style an twist on it. Personally I really enjoy all your stories and almost all your chars(except for miss kale an sangria where she says she's has to kill sara Waite,but thats another story.) Anyways please keep up the great writing litith

Awesome story and about commenting

This has been an awesome story and I'm looking forward to what comes next.

About your statement on commenting, in your case I usually find that there is already a wall of comments made and whatever thought I want to express has already been written by someone else. In this case I don't comment because whatever I was going to say has been said already. I guess I could reply to specific comments with "hear hear I agree" (with stodgy British accent). As far as writing comment saying great story, or something along those lines, I'm lazy and it's easier to hit the kudos button ("Good story!" is written right on the button).

For other writers on the site if I don't like a story I don't comment because why devote any more of my life to something that was a waste of time to begin with.

Sometimes I read an ok story with potential to be good or great but don't comment because i don't want my criticisms to be misconstrued and offend the writer. This is unfortunate because my own fear is preventing me from giving what I feel to be constructive criticism and the writer can't benefit from something that is never said. I could just say screw it if the writer takes offense then it's not my problem but I'm sort of passive in general and that attitude goes against my nature. This means I generally only comment when I have something nice to say and as I said previously if someone has already expressed my thoughts by the time I've read the story then I feel like what's the point everything has already been said.

You raise a good point about

You raise a good point about critiquing a story without knowing the author well.

If it's something simple like a typo or a small mistake, I can't see any author getting annoyed with that, or if they are then they're an idiot, but for something like a massive plothole this is what I would suggest:

"I liked your story. Do you accept constructive criticism?"

It's benign enough to tell them that you want to help or point something out and it still gives them a sense of accomplishment and a desire to improve. There are a number of authors that really can't take frank criticism. Truthfully, it took me years to get to the point where I insist on it. When you first start out it's like a knock on your talent, like you aren't good enough, but eventually you get to the point where you slam you hand on the table and say, "Dammit, I want to be good, even if it means a bruised ego at times." Then it's all downhill from there.

If they say no, then leave it alone, no harm no foul.

~Lili

Blog: http://lilithlangtree.tglibrary.com/
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/lilith_langtree

~Lili

Write the story that you most desperately want to read.

I always enjoy your stories

There is something about this chapter that really bothered me, though I haven't completely figured out why. Part of it is Ariel originally having been from Houston (though now I guess he/she isn't) and then having never been to Texas before. I'm not sure why, but for some reason it now bothers me that I don't know where Ariel moved to Mississippi from (I doubt I would have cared if it had never been mentioned, as it stands now).

There is the bit about Ariel's not objecting too strenuously about being a girl but I don't think that bothers me so much since Ariel seemed to have been learning to enjoy being a girl -- he seemed not to really care as much as most guys would have. So it isn't that large a stretch for me to believe Ariel wouldn't object that much to being forced to be a girl -- in some ways he seemed headed that way (at least other than taking care of Susan). I also trust, at some point in the future, the reason for Ariel needing to remain female will be stated -- even if it is nothing more than Jennifer's whims. At this point it doesn't make a lot of sense.

I think my problem is twofold. First, that Ariel put up so little resistance to leaving. He has seemed more level headed than to trust someone who would just come in and tell him things have to be a certain way and then basically kidnap him. I would think not being able to talk to DC would have thrown up a major red flag for Ariel, since she is the one that knows the world of magic. If nothing else, after the bad decision to trust Dormammu even a little, I would think he'd at least want a day, or at a minimum a few hours, to really be able to consider what (if any) options he may or may not have. I think this is even something Ariel would have liked a chance to run past his dad, since is Dad is his lawyer. While his dad really dislikes the magic side of things and he would be work well at pointing out the flaws in what Jennifer was claiming. I can't even really see Jennifer objecting that much (other than out of fear Ariel would refuse), as his dad wouldn't remember anything after Jennifer changes the past.

Second is an idea others have stated, if Jennifer feels the book is really hers, why wouldn't she have just taken life back to before Ariel bonded with the book, and just as important, Dormammu. If Jennifer really has the power to destroy Dormammu, it seems like something that should be within her capability. While I suspect it is something along the lines of it giving her power over Ariel to force him (and allowing him) to become her female apprentice, it is something that bothers.

IMHO

I'm thinking that Jennifer put a literal bum's rush on Ariel. Jennifer knocked him off balance at the start and kept her that way until she was safely tucked away in Houston. By the time Ariel even considered actively resisting she had no way to do so. Even if she could get away from Jennifer, who would believe her story back home? Ariel isn't missing and nothing bad has happened. "Poor girl has flipped out, lock her up in a padded cell until we can find where she came from." The biggest part of escaping from a situation is finding the right moment to act.

Karen J.


"Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away.”
George Carlin

In it now.

At least Ariel is, whether she likes it or not. How long that will last is still up for review, I'm sure. I won't go into more speculation at the moment but am sure the next chapter is going to be interesing.

Maggie

Oh God... I came. I'm a

Oh God... I came.

I'm a former Photography/Graphic Arts/Newspaper nut in High School. A Nikon D3S... Ungh... Oh god oh god oh god...

Very well done with the homesickness on this one. Loved it. Can't wait for tomorrow.
----

Thinking about this story

Thinking about this story more, I have a couple thoughts...

I think that DC/The Dragon is HIM's Plan B. Plan A was to directly approch and offer the power, but Ariel's balking forced HIM to fall back and try something different. Plan B is creating another "person", using it to present "HIM is EBIL" and offer protection/training to merge with it. Then at a critical point in time, combine the new person with his plan of using Ariel as a conduit, and presto! instant access, willingly given and a nice backstab at the same time.

And the more I think about it, the more this makes sense for HIM to do.

Given what Ms Kale knew/presented, that sounds exactly like what was happening. Given also the knowledge of HIM and what was going on in the whole thing that DC knew, it is probable.

So DC/Dragon missing makes more sense. DC has been suppressed by Ms. Kale, or the opening allowing her to manifest has been closed, and thus there is no DC anymore, which is why he can't access them.

IN fact, given that DC vanished after he cast the Wards and the protection, which *was meant to protect him from people who wish to harm him*, it can be argued that She didn't have anything to do with blocking them out, but that Ariel did.

I do wonder if the split with Ms Kale and Ariel is happening concurrently with Susan's brother getting arrested/having sex with Susan and so on that his alter is experiencing, or if it is a "fill in" time, and they are at the same time when Ms Kale showed up and kidnapped him.
----

Nice change of pace in this chapter

The big sudden change of pace in this chapter was refreshing. There was really no way to address the death of Tim and still have Ariel remain with Susan, so just shifting gears and moving on makes sense, both for the author and the character. I'm finding that a sameness is setting in with the Retcon stories, which is probably inevitable with all these origin stories to do and 90% of the characters being in high school settings. So change-ups are good.

I didn't have time to address the issue of commenting yesterday, so I'll do it now. It's totally fair to look for input on how your readers like, or even how they don't like, your stories. I wouldn't worry too much about other authors, though, and I'll tell you why.

Lilith, you are ahead of the game because you know where you're going with a story before you post the first chapter. And you understand the demand you are making on your audience in expecting them to stick around for the finish. Many authors have trouble on both counts.

The biggest issue I have with Big Closet is the abundance of open-ended stories. As a reader, they keep me from ever clicking on most of what's here. When I read a novel, I can see going in how long it is, how much of a commitment I'd be making to read it all the way through. Even with a short story, I can glance ahead and see how many pages it will be. Here, when I start a new story I never know if it will be done in 5 chapters, or if someone has decided to write their own "Falling Off a Bike". That makes me hesitant to even start reading. I read this story before a few others specifically because you were helpful enough to say upfront that it would be 5 chapters. I previously commented to enemyoffun that I nearly jumped ship when "Some Kind of Wonderful" approached 20 chapters, and stuck around because she announced that it was nearing a conclusion.

Right now, I can think of a current story on Big Closet where I read over a dozen chapters before the author started padding things out with several repetitive chapters -- the author seemed to have decided the story would be a certain number of chapters long regardless of the content of those chapters. I stopped reading it. There is another where I read dozens of entries before it became obvious that the author had no idea where to take the story. In another case, there is an author I flat-out won't read anymore, because despite excellent storytelling skills the author insists on padding out every story to four times its natural length with extraneous tangents. You can suggest in comments to these authors that you think they're taking the wrong approach, but most people hear what they want to hear. They don't want to hear when they're being self-indulgent. So readers click the mouse and go elsewhere. My general advice to Big Closet authors would be to think about the favorite novels they've read, how much happened in them, how many interesting twists and turns the stories took. Unless the author actually has that much to say, they should write a short story and not try to stretch it into a novel.

- Jess Arita

Darkchylde: In Touch With Your Inner Chylde (Part: 4/5)

    Stanman
May Your Light Forever Shine

Valley Girl she's a Valley Girl, Valley Girl she's a Valley Girl

...There's the Galleria ..."

I quote

>>
The place she let me out was across the street from the mall we’d shopped at in a place called the Galleria.
>>

Sorry THAT song suddenly sprang to mind.

Hum, his/her alter ego being AWOL is odd. And where is the dragon? Or are they all consumed to make up the new him, um her real?

I have a BIG Q: in *spliting* him in two, what of the soul or spirit? Is he/she an alternative time line that her magic has alowed to exist as the original timeline continues on?

There is yet another reason/s why Jennifer did not get the book she claims is here's by right of blood. MAYBE being a powerful magic book IT decided she is not worthy thus she can only control it through another? I mean, why did his mom have it in the first place or was her bloodline and thus him/her exqualy quaified by blood to bond with the book. That one does bond with the book might also explain why she didn't get it, it might have interacted badly with HER magic or worse.

IE it is so dangerous she would rather control it remotely, IE our poor heroine/hero is her firewall? Thus she gets the benifits of the book and none of the fallout?

As to not turning back time even more to get the book? Maybe a few days back is all she can do. There is also the timetravel paradox that if she goes back and changes things to get it then she won't know to go back and change it... Timetravel is soo confusing. Or as I suggested it is freaking dangerous, even for her and being *the power behind the throne* is far safer.

Likely much more twisted than this but I guess I must wait.

--GRIN--

John in Wauwatosa

John in Wauwatosa

John, John, John

The Houston Galleria is hands down the best mall in Houston, and most likely the best mall bearing that name in the country. It is the fourth largest mall in the country with 375 stores, such as Neiman-Marcus, Tiffany's, Cartier, Guci, and Louis Vuitton; along with some of the lesser stores like Macy's, Nordstrom, and Saks Fifth Ave. Valley girl ain't got nuthin' to do with it.

Men! I swear, you can buy 'em shoes and send 'em to school, but they cain't learn a dam thing!

Karen J.


"Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away.”
George Carlin

Karen, all I have to say to that is ..

barf out, gag, me with a spoon!

John in Wauwatosa

P.S. *I* wear Allen Edmonds Shoes at work and formal occasions in part because they are made locally and I am hell on footwear. The black "Leads* in conventional leather and heels cost me around 200 and the burgundy "Leeds* in Cardovan leather and heels cost me over 400 dollars and both were factory seconds at one of their own stores. They make very durable, fashionable and comfortable shoes. Hey, you get what you pay for.

I have several OLD pairs -- 15 and 20 years old -- I plan on getting new soles and heels or rebuilt as that is much cheaper than new and the quality of materials/construction makes it possible.

http://www.allenedmonds.com/?utm_source=Google&utm_medium=PP...

P.P.S. See Karen, it is cheaper and well worth the effort to rebuilding you than getting a NEW Karen at BC. And you are broken in.

John in Wauwatosa

Nikon isn't #1 anymore

Nikons are still good cameras (I guess) but these days more pros use Canon. The king is dead, long live the King! Look at the next group of pro shooters you see at major events, from NFL games to open-air press conferences. See all those white lenses? Those are all Canons.

Karen J.


"Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away.”
George Carlin

Maybe not

But the D3S is a better rated camera then any other 35mm Canon digital at least according to Pop Photo :)

Kim

You believe the magazines

Doesn't change the reality of what the REAL pros are using. The guys that shoot for the major news and sports outlets. I trust their judgment.

Karen J.


"Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away.”
George Carlin

Photographic quality

The major news and sports outlets don't need high megapixels. The real pros need fast and reliable cameras. They can use cameras from several manufacturers but there a many rumours out there that one manufacturer has better marketing, higher discounts for the pros and grey lenses... ;)

M

Martina

Regardless, the camera

Regardless, the camera bought was a Nikkon D3S, not a Cannon. It's a minor detail, irrelevant to everything except just a background detail.

I would advise dropping this. I'd like to not see this turn into an argument.
----

Thank you for your advice

Karen J.


"Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away.”
George Carlin

it's a fun side detail so chill

All the comic nerds out there get to argue that superman vs batman nonsense, and this is nobody here is really taken this too seriously.

Kim

For all intents and purposes though...

In this context, it doesn't matter. It is highly doubtful that any of the other kids in a Junior High photography class are going to have $8,000.00 worth of equipment.

-sb

Coordinated
Educational
Network for
Talents and
Emergent
Resources

Coordinated
Educational
Network for
Talents and
Emergent
Resources

Junior High?

I thought she was a junior, that puts her in high school.

And personally, I think an untrained 16 year old shutter bug needs a high-end pro camera like a 16 year old with a learners permit needs a Ferrari or a Porsche Cayenne Turbo.

Karen J.


"Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away.”
George Carlin

... especially when it's

... especially when it's easy for things like that to walk off no matter how rich the parents are.
----

yeah but...

think of the quality of the crapy photos she can take with it.

--GRIN --

John in Wauwatosa

P.S Our evil authores is saying Jennifer will be reviled in the next chapters BUT givin how unworldly geeks, um, soceresses are maybe she is not evil just so damned neutral it hurts?

John in Wauwatosa

John in Wauwatosa

OMG!

Hope I didn't spoil anything! I currently live next to a University campus, and it amazes me what I see parked in the fraternity and (especially) the sorority parking lots. When a medium-income family could put two kids through four years of college for what it cost to buy little Sally's high school graduation present . . .

Karen J.


"Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away.”
George Carlin

No, you didn't spoil

No, you didn't spoil anything, and it's not a flashy sports car like that anyway, and not in story... it's in the next.

And I so know exactly what you are talking about. When I was in high school the local uber-rich kid not only got a brand new Corvette on her 16th birthday, she got a new Porsche 911 as well. 2 freaking cars at sixteen. Needless to say I was green with envy. My first car was a used Ford EXP with a broken drivers side seat (I had to put a personal cooler behind it so the seat would sit up), it sucked so much Ford cancelled production 2 years later.

~Lili

Blog: http://lilithlangtree.tglibrary.com/
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/lilith_langtree

~Lili

Write the story that you most desperately want to read.

My Mistake...

I mis-read the line... apparently Ariel is older than I thought too.

When I was in high school most kids in my school system were turning 16 at the end of their freshman, beginning of their sophomore years. I pictured Ari as a 9th grader actually, not an 11th grader.

Anywho... on re-read, she's a Junior/ 11th grader... Still a lot more camera than I would expect anyone else there to have...

-sb

Coordinated
Educational
Network for
Talents and
Emergent
Resources

Coordinated
Educational
Network for
Talents and
Emergent
Resources

Doesn't matter what Ariel needs...

I get the impression from Ms. Kale that she sees things like the camera and clothes in much the same way as Ariel's father viewed the BMW -- a necessary prop to reinforce her status in the community. I'm sure if she felt the need to buy Ariel a car that it would indeed be a high end, high performance status symbol type of car.

Awaiting

Slightly depressed at the exit (or seemingly so) of Ariel's father, and of Susan -- they were both fairly engaging characters. One thing that I find interesting is that DC disappeared prior to/as of Jennifer's arrival...he asks her to be ready in case of danger, but there is no response. That seems to be a pretty important detail. What exactly it means, I'm not sure...I guess I'll have to wait until the final section to find out.

I'm also wondering who the perspective shift is going to be towards. I have a sinking feeling that it is going to be Jennifer, since you said that you are going to expect hatemail when that rolls around. Regardless, I'm sure that it will turn out well in the end, although I will miss Ariel's perspective. His "voice" is quite entertaining...some of his snarky observations made me laugh out loud.

Dad and Susan will return in

Dad and Susan will return in the third story. I like them too much to dump them totally like that.

And that was a really good guess on Jennifer being the next aspect, but I'm sorry to say it's incorrect. So who could it be??!? And no, it's not who you think it is next. That's just way too obvious and I like to be sneaky. But Jennifer will play a prominent and disturbing role in the first chapter.

~Lili

Blog: http://lilithlangtree.tglibrary.com/
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/lilith_langtree

~Lili

Write the story that you most desperately want to read.

I'd like to meet Ariel

It wouldn't take me long to talk her or him out of everything s/he owned. Ariel seems to believe everything anyone tells him/her.

To quote that great philosopher

"What a gulli-bull! What a nin-cow-poop!"

I'm rather surprised Ms. Kale hasn't tried to steal Larfleeze's Orange Ring, she seems to have the personality for it.

Now be fair to Ariel!

After all, she has no frame of reference, and therefore no way to figure out what is truth and what isn't. As a result, she also has no idea when to dig in her heels and holler "whoa!" She's on a journey she didn't want to take, love of studying magic notwithstanding, and right now she's hanging on as tight as she can until things start to make sense.

Just like the rest of us, really. *grin*

Randalynn

I think I am being fair

Ariel, after studying the occult for a significant amount of time, tried to cast a spell without knowing what it would do. Then amazingly didn't reject Dormammu, but went back and cast another spell. This time he immediately accepted the story of DC. Even at that age I would have been skeptical, and thought that it was another attempt by Dormammu. Then a few days later, someone else shows up with another story, and this time she's off a complete stranger that claims to be a relative. Ariel seems to believe what ever anyone says.

Big change...

...in the story! Went from being a new kid in a small town, getting the hang of changing into a magic-using, gender bending meta on a demons radar, to apprenticing with the worlds most powerful magic user while living in the lap of luxury within a posh high-rise/power nexus!

One serious question came to mind; Considering the magic Jennifer used to split Ariel in two, does the demon still have it's claws tangled in things?

Excellent story, as always =D

Rewriting Reality

terrynaut's picture

I wondered about the rewriting of the past. I'd think that the demon (was it the big D?) would realize what happened and be upset about having his meal taken away. But at least Terry is still alive. That's good... I guess. Though I'm not too keen on that Terry, there's still a chance he can improve and not sully the name any more.

I liked the shopping. Being able to teleport to the mall would be a dream come true. If only.... *sigh*

Oh. Are you getting enough comments now? I hope you are! I've never seen so many!

Thanks and kudos.

- Terry

Losing one soul when he

Losing one soul when he planned to have hundreds or possibly thousands in the end is probably ticking Dormammu off at the moment. We'll be seeing Terry again in the future, though I don't know if his attitude has changed any.

Comments? This has been such a treat to interact with so many people, some of which I've never heard from before. It's humbling to see that can be accomplished. I've also noticed that the comments on the front page are larger than before. I hope that those that read other authors here would grace them with similar feelings of appreciation.

~Lili

Blog: http://lilithlangtree.tglibrary.com/
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/lilith_langtree

~Lili

Write the story that you most desperately want to read.

I'm a bit confused. If

I'm a bit confused. If girl-Ariel split from Boy-Ariel. Is tbe boy going to learn any magic because Jennifer implied that dormammu is still going to arrive at the litte town.

I might not understand correctly

but my impression is that the boy Ariel in Salem can't learn the magic because he no longer has the book. The book resides inside the female Ariel in Houston. And, again if I understand, the split occurred so that Dormammu won't come to Salem since it is now the female Ariel that is linked to him.

You understand perfectly

You understand perfectly well. That is exactly what Jennifer accomplished. Had she simply stopped Terry or the demon that manifested through Ariel, she would have only delayed the inevitable. By pulling the magic/book/DC/Dragon out of the Male form she cut him off and quelled the metagene inside of him. Now he's just another normal teen.

~Lili

Blog: http://lilithlangtree.tglibrary.com/
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/lilith_langtree

~Lili

Write the story that you most desperately want to read.

Until...

...one of Luthor's less well known activities find him with an inactive metagene and experiment with activating it...

Lurker

Your comments earlier, made me realize I should express my appreciation for the quality of your stories. I have "lurked" on this board, and others for many years, but for reasons I am sure many people that visit here will be familiar with, refrained from registering on this site or any other. in fact, this is the first post I have made on any story site, ever.

I usually do not like many of the retcon stories, as I have an image of the characters involved in my head, and I have a hard time separating that from a new version. I don't read fanfiction for this very reason. however, with characters I am not familiar with, I will give them a try, and am I glad I did on this one! very well constructed and entertaining.

Hopefully, my post and the others that have popped up, will encourage you to continue and realize that there are a lot of us out there, for whatever reason that do not comment but still enjoy your writings.

and, hopefully, if I ever get around to finishing the stories in my head, and get them actually written I will do as well as you have.

Regards

Figured out one of the things bothering me...

It is a time paradox. If Jennifer moved time back a couple of days, prior to Terry being killed, shouldn't Ariel's girl clothes have disappeared as well? After all, they were purchased after Terry died.

It also would be more in line with Jennifer's character as well, I can't see Jennifer (at least as I understand her) allowing Ariel to keep and wear the "cheap" clothes that he bought with his father. Instead, I think she would insist on clothing from the higher end stores in the Galleria.

Well, I wouldn't imaging

Well, I wouldn't imaging Jennifer wasting any energy in trying to find out how Ariel shopped, but I suppose that's possible considering her weirdness.

Regarding why her clothes didn't disappear For the practitioner to cast a spell to affect the past, but not herself or someone with her, I think it would be safe to assume she would need something akin to a sphere of influence where say everything in a five foot radius of her body wouldn't be affected by the spell. That would include the clothing. It's not in the story, but if you need an explanation to hold up your suspension of disbelief, there you go. :)

~Lili

Blog: http://lilithlangtree.tglibrary.com/
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/lilith_langtree

~Lili

Write the story that you most desperately want to read.

Brilliant Writing

Apologies for not posting earlier in this series.

This is such exceptionally good writing, I am in awe of your skill.

Alys

Okay, somewhat stupid and not directly connected

For some odd reason laying in bed my mind went to how Jennifer survived Ike? I imagine she would have provided her building with protection from physical damage. With the ley line so close, I'm not sure she would want to leave and can see her ensuring that somehow her apartment/building didn't lose power or water/sewer despite the rest of downtown going dark for several days. And I can't decide if she would just keep electricity to her apartment or to the entire building. Strange the thoughts you sometimes get laying in bed. ;)

Did you comment on every story you've read?

I don't like to be pressured. When someone is lording some sort of power or might over me to stir me or prod me into doing something they think I should do, I get rebellious. I get to think about what they 'ask' of me to do, and whether I agree or not.

The mere fact that one is driving me by holding me over a barrel, is reason in itself to not comply, however, it won't be the decisive factor. I will look at the merit of their 'request' and act subsequently as I see fit.

As to your call for comment on your stories, I think you should be quite chuffed. What a response!

If this was a theatre, and you an actor/actress still on stage while enjoying the aftermath of applause and response you invoked with such a display. Now the audience has mostly gone. I imagine myself to have stayed, sitting in the back rows. And while the sounds and kerfuffle has died out, I'd give you a real slow hand.

This is what I think of your writing and publishing, here on BC:

I think you are a very prolific, imaginative, gifted writer. Capable of writing wonderful dialogue and witty quirky stories, quite entertaining and enchanting. Wonderful escapes from reality.

Also you have an impressive amount of stories written. Some finished. Some not. I guess you've lost interest in these unfinished ones. Among those are a few from early on, which are real treasures but alas, in limbo. This is a little disappointing, for me, because I liked them very much. It antagonized me a little from becoming involved in your other realms, and while it's a little unsupportive, small-minded even maybe, it inhibited my commentary feedback. I am sorry, I am a flawed human.

I guess you are absolutely right when you state that many an author here on BC would be absolutely delighted to get 10 responses per entry on their hard work. I think. Maybe they'd want more. I can't tell. I know you get an average of more than that, so you're doing rather well.

You threaten to waste no more of your time if comments don't take up a notch or so, because you write for these. The comments.

It's a pity you don't write for the fun of it. For my account though, you don't have to write at all. I do really enjoy what you've written thus far, but if you want my continuous appraisal for you to persevere. You can stop.

Don't think many of my fellow BC'rs will thank me, but: You don't have to do this. If you write for my enjoyment and feedback, to better yourself and improve your writing? You're done.

I implore you to write for you. For your enjoyment. Your drive should be to improve because you want to. That's not to say you don't take others' comments to heart, nor that commentary should not be forthcoming, but you are in the driving seat.

Either do it right, or don't do it at all..

That's how and why I comment.

Jo-Anne

This is somewhat difficult

This is somewhat difficult to respond to so I'll do it hopping around.

Yes, I respond to every story I read, some may be in private, but I do it. There are certain stories where I can't even get past the first paragraph because it's so badly written I can't force myself to go any further so I'm not counting those. Have some slipped by me for one reason or another? Probably, I'm not perfect, but I can say 99% are commented on.

I have an issue with people that claim they write for themselves. Why are you posting it in a public venue then? If you write for yourself then write and store it, print it for your on amusement or whatever. By posting it this way you are wanting something... somewhere. That could be hit counts, comments, pm's, kudos, anything, you're seeking something that you aren't receiving simply by writing for yourself. So I call bullshit on that one.

Now, the big one.

I'm copying and pasting something I wrote on a blog yesterday that has probably gone unread.

I know that I've apparently ticked off a few people with my observation and straight talk concerning the issue of comments. Some people think that I'm simply arrogant or stuck up. The thing is they don't know me, so their opinion means pretty much nothing in that regard. I don't take offense because of that.

Those that do know me, know that I don't mince words in an attempt to make people feel better. That's caused problems in the past for people that have asked for my help with their stories, or my opinion, etc. The way that I look at it is I treat them the way that I want to be treated. If I ask for a critique then I expect there will be downsides as well as upsides. So I give it to them in that form. I warn them first about how I do this, so they're prepared, and most of them appreciated not being coddled.

The same goes with my note recently.

I was straight forward and analytical, in my opinion. They are simply facts. If you take part in something and don't give anything back then you can expect the people that provide to move on or stop producing. I can't count the number of authors I know that have given up posting anything for the simple fact that they don't receive anything in response.

As a reader, you could say that, "well, there will always be other writers out there, screw'um."

All of this is simply human nature, and if me taking the heat for hopefully opening their eyes is what it take then I'll take it.

I'm not looking for pity or a pat on the back by saying this, so please don't. I'm trying to open people's eyes to the prospect of losing their favorite author/s or losing a potentially good author because of simple apathy.

As I noted in today's chapter's notes, it takes me three seconds to write, "I like this story," or some variant thereof. You can't tell me that, if you are online, you can't spare three seconds out of your life to boost the moral of an author that likely took days to produce something for you to read... for free.

So, no I didn't threaten anyone with anything. I just told it like it is: straight and to the point. This is not just about me; it's about a bunch of authors that have already been ignored by people who read their stories and it's about the authors who are here now who are deciding whether or not to continue on.

I don't expect to see 100 comments on my future stories. I expect it will dwindle down into the normal range, people will become complacent again, the authors will suffer, and then ultimately the readers will suffer as a result, in time.

I have no idea if what I said had any effect on the increase in comments on the other stories, but before I said something people were getting less than 10 comments on the front page and after... well, take a look for yourself. A number of them are in the teen range. What I said did it's job and woke up a few people. I'm seeing names of people I've never seen before commenting on other stories and mine as well.

If taking a little heat from people that just don't/can't/won't understand means that the authors stay on a little longer and can have that feeling of appreciation that I've felt over the last three days, then I've got no problem doing so.

~Lili

Blog: http://lilithlangtree.tglibrary.com/
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/lilith_langtree

~Lili

Write the story that you most desperately want to read.

Perhaps

the person who writes so poorly is the one who needs the
comment and direction. To say "I write for myself"
is to warn a reader in advance but of those poorly
written stories many have merit. Your writing skills are
excellent, and I have enjoyed some of you stories in
the past. If I browse through your current story it
is to study and learn from your writing skills. As well
written as it is it is not my cup of tea.

How big of you

to be the comments champion of BC.

I must be dumb/ignorant/pig headed that I don't agree with the means of reaching your lofty goal. And yes, you threatened.

Also, just because you don't accept the fact that there are writers who don't write for the recognition by an audience, doesn't make it true. Gods, yes, of course when authors publish their work they are quite happy with positive feedback, and understandably proudly bask in any form of praise. But that doesn't mean they started out with this in mind.

What is bullshit, is valuing a story by getting response. You're confusing purpose with acclaim.

Every day in theatres around the world are champion-class performances in the finer arts. Be it ballet, opera, music, play, or what not, but it's all universally credited to be of great merit.
But what do the the majority of people talk about: Idols, Beverly Hills housewives, ^whatever country^'s Next Topmodel, CSI. Etc.. and so on..

Like you said yourself, you don't write for the pats on the back. No writer does I imagine, so you rallying for readers to do so for other writers, lest they'd write no more, is rather a little condescending, ultimately.

You pride yourself for not being one to coddle, nor to be coddled with, yet you demand of us readers' to do just so. It's a hard world, so is this. If you can't take the heat, don't go into the sun.

Jo-Anne

Never claimed to be the

Never claimed to be the comments champion, but I'm not afraid to stand up and say something if I see it to be an issue. And I'd appreciated it if you wouldn't put words into my mouth. There's a difference between being coddled and supporting people in their endeavors. I use my comments to provide feedback, be it positive or negative critique. It means if they read a good story, then they should give a minimal something back, "Hey, good story." Or if they read one that wasn't so good because of certain factors then they could offer a bit of advice. That's up to the reader, not me.

Additionally, I didn't threaten. I did not hold my stories hostage, in fact I went out of my way to state several times that I'd post them and they weren't being held hostage. Try reading more of the comments regarding the issue before making things up that suit your failed argument. Resorting to rhetoric only shows us how lacking you are in the facts, inserting emotion where none should be.

So, since this discussion has devolved into senseless I'm right, you're wrong I'm ending it. I'm not going to change your mind so if you want to talk more about it I suggest writing a blog or something else, somewhere else.

~Lili

Blog: http://lilithlangtree.tglibrary.com/
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/lilith_langtree

~Lili

Write the story that you most desperately want to read.

Oh no you don't..

No you never claimed such title, I freely awarded it to you. Also I am glad you ultimately allow the reader to decide to comment or not.

I don't have to make up things, this is what I call a threat

"However considering the minute amount of comments I'm receiving I really don't know if I should waste my time writing more on the subject."

Indeed I won't change my mind. And you -still- don't have to tell me what I should, or should not do.

Jo-Anne

Oh Dear..

Lilith has undergone a metagene activation! ;p

She's now Comment Girl Hero of downtrodden authors everywhere. Standing up for the feedback we all deserve.

Takes tongue out of cheek. Seriously though, sometimes it takes one of the power-folk to stand up and win one for the little guys! Well played!

-sb

Coordinated
Educational
Network for
Talents and
Emergent
Resources

Coordinated
Educational
Network for
Talents and
Emergent
Resources

Chylde = Collide

It certainly appears that one pronunciation of Chylde is collide. I'm looking forward to them working out their differences and how their relationship and the story develops.

As always,

Dru

As always,

Dru

Jennifer Kale

As Lilith mentioned, she has popped up before - firstly in Jade: Price of Vengeance 10. There it was mentioned that she was second only in power to the Sorceress Supreme, but Ilyana was AWOL at the moment. It was also mentioned that Jennifer is OCD-level paranoid. Incidentally, she also happened to mention that Dormammu is starting to become a serious pain in her butt. She also gets a nod in Lynceus' Books of Magick 3:

The Eye is nigh-indestructible, after all, so I'm gambling that it will find it's way to my successor. Whoever that ends up being. Visions of possible candidates enter my mind. A tyrant in Eastern Europe. A doctor in New York. A boy named Timothy in England. And a pretty blonde girl who hated me.

Ok, that one is weird. Jennifer Kale. I've never heard of her...but I need to focus now. For what it's worth, if you ever hear this, Miss Kale- whatever I did to you, I'm sorry.

Given that Darkchylde is part spell-book and part-Ariel (as well as possibly having the taint of Dormammu), it's possible she's still 'alive', it's just that Jennifer's maintaining some kind of magical separation between DC and Ariel - at least partially because of her paranoia - she wants to be Ariel's sole guardian and magic tutor, without anyone else (i.e. DC) interfering. Of course, it's always possible that as Ariel increases her magical knowledge, she'll be able to 'find' DC again, and possibly be able to forge some 'me time' away from Jennifer's influence.

If she can get in touch with other magic users, it might help - it would be nice to get a third opinion on the dragon: DC claims Dormammu was imprisoning the dragon, whereas Jennifer claims the dragon was an agent of Dormammu. Knowing which (if any) is the truth would undoubtedly be helpful to Ariel...

 

Bike Resources

There are 10 kinds of people in the world - those who understand binary and those who don't...

As the right side of the brain controls the left side of the body, then only left-handers are in their right mind!

Unexpected O_o

That was a very unexpected turn of events O_o

Ripped away from everything Ariel held dear...it may have been the only option (which I doubt), but it's still terrible. I'm waiting for Ariel to snap out of the shock and really let the Supreme B*itch know what's what.


-Christelle

"Fun-loving geek-chick who's addicted to sunlight!"


-Christelle

"Fun-loving geek-chick who's addicted to sunlight!"

Newbe here

I am loving your work , Thankyou

ShadowCat

Oh Shoot!

Last chapter coming......Looks like even if she won't admit it. Ariel is stepping into an exciting life.

alissa