Darin Dares

Chapter 2 of 7

© 2014 by D.L.

The headmistress then proceeded to circle me, observing my appearance from all angles. "Exactly what do you think you are doing coming dressed in that ridiculous outfit?"

Mrs Geraldine Davis is a very austere woman who by her appearance would seem to be at or close to retirement age. Her greying hair is often wrapped into a tight bun on the back of her head. Her appearance is always smart and business-like and I have never seen her wear any form or trousers or leggings. Even outside of school on the few occasions I have spotted her shopping in town, she is always in a skirt or a dress. Today she was wearing one of her more formal suits in a dark red pinstripe material, the straight skirt reaching mid calf.

After arriving at the office, Mr Brett had asked to see Mrs Davis. I was left sitting in the reception while he disappeared into the office. After what seemed like an age, but in fact was only a couple of minutes, the two of them emerged. Mr Brett disappeared off in the direction of his classroom and I was instructed to follow Mrs Davis into her office and then to stand in the middle of the room facing her desk.

The headmistress then proceeded to circle me, observing my appearance from all angles. I focused my attention on the plant stood on top of a filing cabinet behind her desk, admiring the pale pink flowers.

"Exactly what do you think you are doing coming dressed in that ridiculous outfit?" She asked. "It's obvious you want to draw attention to yourself, but why?"

"Following your advice, Ma'am," I answered.

"Oh, what advice would that be? I don't remember telling you to disobey school rules."

"Last time I was in your office it was because I was fighting. I had hit Gregory because he was teasing me. You rightly told me that I needed to adjust my attitude and re-evaluate how I should react to such situations. I wouldn't admit what bothered me so much at the time, but now I'm willing to say he was taunting me for my lack of masculinity. I realise that calling a boy a girl is a common insult and that shouldn't bother me. The trouble is it did bother me, because deep down I know he's right. I have been trying to deny my feminine traits and overcompensate, often using violence, or the threat thereof, where inappropriate. If it was just Greg, then perhaps I could have ignored it, but I seem to be constantly reminded of my girlish behaviour. Over the past few weeks I have been trying to stop trying to act how I think everybody expects me to behave, and instead just let things go and just act naturally."

Mrs Davis Circled back round in front of me and perched herself on the edge of her desk. "While I find it commendable that you want to embrace your more feminine side, I think you are taking things to the extreme here, young man."

I forced myself to look directly into her eyes, the one place I found to be the most uncomfortable, especially as I could feel my eyes starting to water, "That's just it. I'm not a young man. Sure, I'm physically male, but that's where anything manly about me stops. At the very minimum I would classify myself as gender variant. I would even go as far as saying I'm probably classifiable as transgendered. I'm well aware that I can't just decide to change gender without medical backing. However, to get such backing I need to be seen by a psychiatrist, preferably one with experience in gender identity issues. The trouble I have is that my parents won't take me seriously and therefore won't take me to a doctor. I've tried speaking to them and they simply tell me not to be ridiculous. I figured it would be difficult for them to ignore me when they find out I came to school dressed like this."

"So you want me to suspend or even expel you in order to force the issue?" The headmistress clarified.

"If necessary, yes, but I would rather not have a punishment that affected my permanent record. However, that is up to you. Frankly, I find it grossly unfair that the uniform rules allow the girls to come dressed as boys if they want, but not the other way round. If I was female and I came to school dressed as a boy we wouldn’t be having this conversation now."

Mrs Davis thought for a few minutes before replying, "Actually I have sent a girl home before for being too masculine looking. However, she turned up with a crew cut, ripped jeans, and a ring through her nose, so it didn't matter what her gender was. At least you have mostly made an effort to comply with the rules."

"Mostly?" I queried. "I thought I followed them to the letter? What am I wearing that isn't allowable under the rules for girls?"

"Your wig: head coverings can only be worn for medical or religious purposes. As you have neither a doctor’s note, nor a letter from your parents, strictly speaking you can't wear that wig."

I lift the hairpiece from my head, "I can make do without this if needed. I mainly wore it for safety on the way here so I wasn't challenged. The fact I made it all the way to my classroom without anybody twigging anything was wrong proves it was worthwhile. I spoke with Mr Handley for several minutes and he didn't realise I'm male."

I watched Mrs Davis raise her eyebrows as she said, "So that was you on the skates this morning. I heard Mr Handley talking about it to the secretary. When he said he had to tell off a kid on skates I immediately thought of you, but then he described a girl."

"Sorry about that, I had to leave for school as a boy and return home after Mum left for work. I know you banned me from skating, but it was the only way to get here on time. Besides, I had to minimise the time in which anybody could recognise me, so I deliberately cut it close."

The headmistress paced her office for a few minutes before asking, "What would you do if I simply gave you an in-school detention, so that I didn't need to inform your parents, and made you stay dressed l like that, minus the wig?"

I thought for a moment before responding, "I would dutifully turn up and serve my detention. Then we would end up having this same conversation tomorrow morning when I turn up in the same uniform again. Presumably the punishment would be the same or worse each day. If I accumulate enough in-school detentions then you have to issue me with an after-school detention which requires a letter home. Your only way to thwart that would to be not to issue me with any punishment and let me come to school as a girl."

"As much as that would be interesting to watch," Mrs Davis considered, "I can't simply let you walk around as a girl, and I certainly cannot let you use the girl's bathrooms or changing room."

"I'm not asking for access. I fully accept that there is no way I could possibly use the girl's changing room, and I'm not sure I would be comfortable changing in front of the other girls anyway with my deformity. I can barely stand to look it at myself without others having to see it. As for the bathrooms, I very rarely have needed to use the facilities here. I don't tend to drink a lot of liquid during the day and can usually wait until I get home. The truth is I don't like using the boy's room so avoid it. I'm way to self-conscious to use a urinal. I can't pee with anybody watching and I'm always afraid of splashing myself. If I do go, then I use the cubicle, but doing so runs the risk of getting teased for acting like a girl."

I paused for a moment and then added, "That is another thing. From now on I will be refusing to use the boy's changing room during P.E. I'll happily continue to participate in lessons, even if that means doing the sports with the boys instead of the girls, but only if alternative arrangements can be made."

"I wish you would have talked to someone before taking such drastic action," Mrs Davis said, "couldn't you have talked to one of the teachers? We do have a school counsellor you know."

I shivered at the thought of having to talk with Mrs Bates. She acted as both the school counsellor and a part-time teacher teaching psychology. Mrs Davis raised her eyebrows at my involuntary movement.

"Most of my teachers are male, and I don't feel comfortable talking to them about this issue. The only female teacher I would consider talking too is on maternity leave. As for Mrs Bates," I paused thinking how best to word it without offending. "There is a saying: those who can, do, and those who can't, teach. I can't comment on her standard of teaching, as I've never been in one of her lessons, but I have heard that she is gender biased in favour of boys. I have also heard some of the girls complain that she is unsympathetic. That alone makes be believe talking to her would be unwise."

"Mrs Bates is a professional, I'm sure she would treat you with respect. I think you should at least set up an appointment with her," Mrs Davis replied.

"No way, I have enough issues as it is without her making things worse." I looked at Mrs Davis. She didn't look convinced. Taking a deep breath I decided to elaborate, "I have reason to believe that Mrs Bates is highly homophobic, and given her bias would probably be transphobic as well. Yes, she may try and act professionally when laying out the facts, but I've witnessed firsthand the damage she can do by giving biased advice."

Mrs Davis wasn't happy with my opinion, and I was initially reluctant to say further. After several minutes of coaxing, I finally explain, "One of my male classmates was questioning his sexuality. He went to her. Luckily I found him afterwards before he could do something stupid. He was suffering from depression and had hid himself behind the sports hall crying his eyes out. It took me quite a while to calm him down. If it wasn't for the fact I was able to get his trust by showing him I was wearing feminine underwear, thereby giving him mutually assured destruction, I dread to think what would happen. The only reason there hasn't been a formal complaint is that he's too scared to come out of the closet, although that may change depending on the reaction to me. He is the only student who knew about my gender issues before today. I was tempted to go to her myself, out myself, and record the conversation as evidence, but I decided that would be a bad idea. I didn't want everyone to think that I was making my own problems up just to expose her, when I genuinely have issues I need to work through."

Mrs Davis rounded her desk at sat down. She sat for several minutes in deep thought. After some careful consideration she declared that she needed more time to think about the subject and sent me back to my lessons with a note informing my teachers that she was aware of my appearance and I was to continue as normal pending a decision on my behaviour. She also told me that she would be investigating what I said.

It was already a third of the way into the first lesson of the day when I opened the door to my English class. Samantha, one of my fellow students, was reading out loud to the class. This was something that often happened in class, the teacher, Mr Philips, getting us all to read in turn. The room fell silent as I entered. I had dropped my wig off at my locker on the way, so I now looked less like a girl, and more like a boy in a dress.

"Sorry I'm late," I said as I held the note out for the teacher, "I had to go to the office."

He glanced at the note, returned it to me, and instructed me to take my seat. I sat down next to Kenny, and he showed me which page and paragraph we were on. Samantha continued to read to the end of the page where Penny took over for the next few pages. I had already read the book to its end, so it didn't matter that I had missed a bit. It wouldn't be long until it would be my turn to read.

Normally I don't put much feeling into my oration. I try not to sound flat and monotonous, but at the same time I deliberately try to keep emotion out of my voice. I usually try and force myself to talk deeper than my natural inflection. Today, I do the opposite. No longer trying to act masculine, I instead use the full range of my voice. When reading out some of the dialog I attempt to use different voices, putting on higher pitches for the female characters. I'm so enjoying myself I can hardly keep the grin off my face, and it’s not until I reach the end of the chapter do I realise that I should have stopped ten pages ago. I had become so absorbed into what I was doing I completely lost track of my surroundings.

I stop, and for the first time look up around the room. The looks of shock and puzzlement that greet me catch me by surprise.

"OK, who are you and what have you done with Darin?" Mr Philips asked.

"What?" I replied.

I'm instructed to stand up and stand on one leg. I'm then asked to walk across the room and back. Finally I had to keep my head still but follow Mr Phillips pen with my eyes as he moved it from side to side. I can tell a sobriety test when I see one and I wonder if my teacher seriously thinks I'm drunk or high. I may be a lot happier than normal with being in a skirt, but I didn't think I was behaving massively out of the ordinary.

"Don't worry," Kevin interjected, "she's always like this when she stops worrying about whether people perceive if she is a girl or a boy. Darin always gets sullen and depressed when trying to put on a masculine front, which is what you normally see."

Kevin is one of the few people who know my secret having found out several weeks previously. He was the boy I mentioned to Mrs Davis. After seeing the school counsellor, he was very upset and hiding behind the sports block. I slipped back there myself as I wanted some alone time. I heard his sobs and went to investigate. He wouldn't tell me what was wrong at first. I finally persuaded him that he could trust me by pulling the waist band of my panties out of the top of my trousers. Once he saw that I was wearing feminine underwear he started to open up. Once he came out to me, I decided to explain my own predicament. While friendly to one another, we were never very close friends until the incident. Since then we have spent quite a bit of time together talking, and now that he knows my secret, I tend to relax in his presence as I don't have to hide my natural tendencies.

Mr Philips raised his eyebrows at Kevin's pronoun usage. I was too busy blushing to pay attention to the glances going back and forth between the other students. The teacher decided not to press the matter any further, and the lesson continued as normal.

At the end of the lesson, Kevin and I packed up our books and walked together down the corridor towards the maths department.

"You certainly don't do things by half do you," Kevin said. I smiled and he continued, "I've got your back if needed. It might be best if you don't go anywhere alone for the moment. Especially anywhere teachers aren't likely to be present, such as the bathrooms."

I nod and thank him as we arrive at our next class. Mr Elliott stares at me as I enter. I hand him the note from the headmistress which he reads. He doesn't say anything and simply hands the paper back to me. I take my usual seat. A few different people are in this class from my previous one, and there are some double takes as the room fills. A few comments and a wolf whistle occur before Mr Elliott settles the class down for an hour of trigonometry. Once again I get strange looks as I appear to be a lot bubblier in personality than usual. I'm genuinely more happy today than most. Some of it is simply the novelty of spending the day as a girl. I'm sure once I get used to it, the effect will diminish. I do my best not to let it distract me from completing my lessons. If anything my increased comfort level helps me work.

At ten minutes past eleven the bell sounded for the morning break. We have twenty minutes until the final hour’s lesson before lunch. Kevin escorted me to our common room where he left me in order to use the bathroom. I made myself comfortable on one of the grey plastic chairs scattered around the room. Taking my reading book out, I started pretending to look at it while I surveyed the room for possible danger.

I noticed one of the teachers walking past in the corridor. This particular room has windows in the wall to the corridor so that it is possible to see in and out. There are blinds that can be closed when in use as a classroom, but this particular room isn't used for lessons very often.

I noted that a group of the girls I know had gathered on the opposite side of the room, and they appeared to be in a huddle discussing something. By the sly glances in my direction, I suspected that they are up to something and that it involved me. I don't have long to wait before a bunch of them have gathered around me and start to ask questions. They started off by asking me how I like what I'm wearing, and then proceeded to draw me in on the more general subject of fashion.

I wondered where this was leading, but join in the conversation all the same. It was not long before I realised what they were up to. The conversation gradually gets more girly as the break continues, the topic of conversation getting wider to cover boys.

I was expecting this to happen at some point. I knew it would only be a matter of time before my sexuality was questioned. I decided not to openly confirm or deny anything. The truth is I haven't worked out my orientation. I admit to finding some of the boy bands cute, but also gush over some of the female pop stars in the charts.

I'm surprised at how quickly the twenty minutes passed. The sound of the bell catches me off guard and I had to dash to my next lesson. The reactions in the French class go similar to the previous period. There is some minor disturbance at the beginning by the few individuals who have yet to encounter me, but by this point I've already been seen most of my fellow students. News of my attire has also rapidly spread during break, so there is less surprise, as even those who haven't seen me have heard what I'm wearing. I did notice a higher than usual amount of foot traffic passing the common room window at break.

At lunch I am again surrounded by a group of girls. This time it is more obvious that they are trying to have fun embarrassing me. I do find talking about feminine hygiene products awkward, but at the same time I'm interested in them from an intellectual point of view. When questioned, I simply point out that I won't be requiring them any time soon. I try not to blush too much. I could tell that some of the girls were finding it just as discomforting as I am. Out of the seven girls in the group, only three were actively participating in this part of the discussion.

We were interrupted by the tannoy calling us to the canteen as it was our turn to get lunch. So that there isn't a rush all at once each year is called in turn on a rota. While everybody heads to eat, I instead slip outside with my packed lunch. While I can sit and eat it in the canteen, I prefer to go outside. The earlier wind has died down and the temperature has been rising all morning. As I leave I slip my wig back on so that I won't be as easily recognised. I found some shade under a tree and ate my lunch in peace. I positioned myself so that my back was to the bulk of foot traffic in the hope that I'll be difficult to spot from behind. Kevin and John came and sat nearby to make sure I'm not harassed.

I do have a minor scare when one of the resident troublemakers, Gary, approached the two boys and asked where I am in not so pleasant terms. He failed to notice me sat nearby and the two boys send him on his way. I can see Kevin is particularly angry at the homophobic undertones, and I worried for a second that things might turn violent. I managed to get to the end of lunch without further trouble. My tactic of sitting facing away from people with my wig on seems to be enough so that I'm not recognised. While the wig is hot to wear, it is a minor inconvenience compared to getting by without it. While I'm in the shade it isn't too bad.

I found it amusing that the majority of the passing conversation is about me, yet nobody who walked by realised that the subject of their discussion is sat close by.

I still had yet to hear back from Mrs Davis and Mr Brett does not say anything when he calls the afternoon register after lunch. I went to my science class as normal.

Authors note: This is a revised version of the original posting. The errors mentioned in the comments have now been corrected.