CHAPTER 19

Late August, 2008 – the first day of Lara’s sophomore year in high school

It was the first day of Lara’s sophomore year in high school. Unlike the past years, though, she went all out with her femininity. She had picked out a short-sleeve dress and paired it with all the accessories befitting a young high school girl. Megan had taken her to the salon, and Lara had a cut that emphasized the fullness of her hair. She had also grown two inches, and at five feet, eight inches, stood just an inch shorter than her mother.

An eye test showed that she was becoming nearsighted, and like her mother, disdained the idea of inserting contacts into her eyes. Accordingly, Lara obtained her first pair of glasses. When Megan and Lara picked them up, though, they were shocked when Lara put them on for the first time. Except for the teen’s lighter skin tone, the pair looked astonishingly like biological mother and daughter.

Between the glasses, the haircut, the hormones that had given her feminine development, and her two inch increase in height, she bore only a slight resemblance to ‘Kyle’ from the previous year. As a result, Lara half-expected that few would recognize her.

Megan had taken both Lara and Jessica to school and dropped them off in the driveway just outside. Upon walking in, Lara called to one of her classmates, Kelli Parsons. Kelli immediately came over and said, “Hi, Jessie”, but then paused as she looked at Lara. Lara sensed that Kelli didn’t recognize her, so she said, “Kelli, I’m Kyle, but it’s Lara now. I changed my name.”

“Oh, my God, you look SO pretty now!” Kelli’s eyes flew open as she finally recognized Lara. Kelli, Lara, and Jessie made a threesome as they wandered toward their first class.

‘Kyle’ had many female friends, but as Lara, the number of young women pursuing her for friendship increased markedly. She was fully confident of herself, knowing that who she was in her mind matched with who she was physically.

Two weeks later, Lara enjoyed her first date with a young man, something that hadn’t occurred before due to her appearance of being androgynous. After a few more dates, there was the inevitable kiss outside the entrance to the Phillips townhouse. At last, Lara felt that she had “arrived” and could finally have dreams of a husband, a family, and a house.

CHAPTER 20

Late October, 2008

Susie Templeton pushed her executive chair back from her desk and leaned back, grabbing her shoulder length hair and fluffing it. Sighing loudly, she returned to the upright position. It was late in the afternoon, and now that things were slowing down, she could afford to let her private thoughts into the forefront of her mind.

It had been only two short months since she had met Brad Tankersly. But the time period had been a flurry of activity with him. As well as numerous dates, they had been to church together, helped an elderly neighbor of Brad’s perform interior painting on her home, and even made a two hour trip to visit Brad’s ailing mother. It seemed to be an answer to Susie’s prayer.

Brad had the same feelings for the investment advisor. After a short engagement years earlier that had failed, the forty year old was intrigued by Susie. There were so many facets to her, he continuously realized. There was the fiercely competitive runner, the smart and cunning investment advisor, and the loving, caring woman who didn’t mind sitting with his mother and holding her hand as she recovered from a serious illness. To say that he was in love with her was an understatement.

Thanks to Susie’s financial resources, she was able to have Brad thoroughly investigated by a former FBI agent turned snoop. He was totally clean, ‘squeaky clean’ as the investigator concluded. This was a relief and a reassurance. Susie didn’t want any lying or a hidden past that would catch up with him. She wanted an old-fashioned marriage where commitment was at the forefront.

Fortunately, as well, was the fact that both came from similar backgrounds when it came to religion. Brad had begun to worship God as an athlete in high school through Fellowship of Christian Athletes. He had maintained the faith that he found there, with only a brief interruption when his first serious relationship fell apart.

At the same time as Susie was leaning back in her chair, Brad was at the jewelry store picking an engagement ring. He had paid close attention to Susie’s tastes in jewelry, so he felt comfortable in finding something that she would like.

Besides being vice-mayor of the city, Brad was the founder of a software company whose products were in high demand. Six months earlier, he sold his company for an amount in the mid eight digits, leaving him with adequate financial resources to support a very luxurious lifestyle. This left him available to pursue virtually anything that he wanted. He relished in the give and take world of government and the very part-time role as vice-mayor left him hungry for more. He truly wanted to further his own conservative viewpoints in a world “going off the tracks”.

At this moment, though, his thoughts centered on a three-carat diamond solitaire that seemed appropriate for the woman that he wanted to be his wife forever. Completing the purchase, he confidently placed the box in his suit coat pocket. Brad realized that dinner was just an hour away, so there wouldn’t be time to arrange for any alternative to the normal “proposal with ring box” method of asking for her hand. But confident that she would say yes, he decided that the traditional way would be more correct than any other method.

The hour went by quickly. Barrett’s Restaurant was a twenty five minute drive, made even longer by a wreck on the highway connecting downtown to the area where Brad lived. By the time that he parked his Mercedes and made his way to the top of the forty-story building where Barrett’s was located, he was almost late.

Fortunately, Brad made it to the top first, with Susie on the very next elevator to open.

Greeting each other with a kiss that expressed their love but not too overly affectionate for the public, the two proceeded inside. The two made an attractive couple, with Susie’s slender five-feet six inch frame compared to Brad’s football influenced six feet height and broad build.

The two were seated promptly, and Brad had been careful to obtain a window table where the two could admire looking over the city. The sun was beginning to set, and a combination of the lights of the city in combination with the coming darkness made for a beautiful setting.

The two made small talk as they waited to order, but after ordering, the mood turned more serious. The two talked about a family, about what they wanted eventually from life, and where they wanted to live. Fortunately, for most of the questions, the two had very similar views. Susie made up her mind – she wouldn’t mind if this were “the one”. She would have to call Megan as soon as she arrived home after the date. Megan will be amazed at how well that I’ve analyzed this situation, she decided.

But after the conversation began to wane, and just before the food arrived, Brad told her how much that she meant to him, that she had been the very best thing that happened to him in a long time. He also told her that he looked forward to pursing the next course of his life in tandem with her.

Carefully, he pulled the ring box from his suit coat pocket and asked, “In fact, I would like you to be with me in every phase of my life from now on. Susie Templeton, would you marry me?”

The question didn’t register in Susie’s mind for a minute. For a moment, it seemed an impossibility for this to happen, more like a dream. One of the fleeting thoughts that she had was “OK, this is a dream. You can wake up now, Susie.” But as she stared at the ring, she realized just how very serious that Brad was, and finally realized that this was “the question”. A single teardrop ran down her cheek as she whispered, “Yes!”

Brad carefully placed the ring on her finger. It turned out to be an almost perfect fit, as Brad had taken one of her rings a week earlier and traced the inside of it onto a small piece of paper.

Susie stared at the ring, realizing that at some time in the near future, she would be Mrs. Brad Tankersly. There could be children, a house, and a husband, all of things that she had dreamed of having when she was a young girl. She smiled at Brad as she relished in his love and attention.

CHAPTER 21

December, 2008 - midway through Lara’s high school sophomore year

During her short fall break in October, Lara and Megan had flown across the country to a prestigious surgeon who corrected what Peter Nicosa (at Jerry Britton’s insistence) had created. All of the signs of her Congenital Adrenal Hyperplasia were now gone except for some minor scarring.

Thanks to the hormones, she was catching up in other areas as well. The drugs had helped to provide her with developing curves virtually identical with those of her classmates.

Megan made sure that Lara’s sixteenth birthday was a happy one by hosting a party for her and her friends at a local indoor amusement facility. The relatively new mother also made sure that her daughter enjoyed a shopping trip with her friends courtesy of a gift card to a local mall.

For Lara, though, the best gift was enrollment in a local driving school. She was beginning to see her older classmates obtain their driver licenses and each time that Megan had to take her somewhere further fanned her desire for the freedom to drive.

But besides driving school, there was one more important thing in Lara’s life – Susie’s wedding. Susie, Megan, Lara, and two other women met at a local bridal shop so that Susie could pick out her wedding dress and obtain the dresses for her maid of honor (Megan) and bridesmaids (of which Lara was one).

Lara was the youngest of the women in the wedding party. But this didn’t bother her. Since she had never been around a bridal shop to see the merchandise and experience what happened there, it was fascinating. It was also a preview of what would be happening later in the year (she hoped) when the prom would be taking place at her school and she and Megan would have to go shopping for a prom dress.

For now, though, Lara giggled as Susie oohed and aahed her way through the shop’s selection. Finally finding something to her liking, she stopped and pulled the dress completely out of the rack. Everyone approved, but now it was time for the real test – trying on the dress.

The dress was an A-line dress with long sleeves, a covered back, and a high neck. It had a short train, which Megan obligingly picked up and arranged behind Susie. The mere sight of a wedding dress was mesmerizing to Lara as she had never before attended or been involved with a wedding.

The decision was made to buy it, and then it was time to move on to the maid of honor and bridesmaid dresses. After careful consideration of all of the women, it was decided that burgundy would be the color. Unfortunately, there wasn’t anything that was visually appealing. At one point, Lara whispered to her mother, “These things are all ugly! Why do they have to make them that way?” Megan dutifully explained that the bride should be the point of attention on a wedding day, and that the dresses are made to not detract from the bride. “OK. I’m glad prom dresses look better than this” the teen said disgustedly. But in the end, everyone was satisfied, and one more thing on a long list for Susie was completed.

Later that day

After shopping for Susie’s wedding dress, Megan went by and picked up Jessie, then dropped off the two girls at the mall.

Jessie’s mother had charged her with finding a dress so that she could attend a holiday party with her parents. Begrudgingly, Jessie had agreed, but only if she could shop for it with Lara.

At five foot six, Jessie was two inches shorter than her best friend. But in contrast with Lara’s long brunette hair, Jessie wore a very short bob that was any color but natural. With her mother’s permission, Jessie began to dye her hair in a different color almost every month, beginning a year earlier. This became part of her identity, so “Rainbow Hair” around school instantly referred to Jessie.

Jessie’s parents worked an inordinate number of hours in their respective careers, thus leaving Jessica alone for extended periods. She was left on her to establish her own identity and make her own decisions, which she did with gladness. But it also left her feeling empty and unloved at times. There were times that she needed more than her friends to cope with life. Many nights, when her parents did arrive home, they had little energy left to give to Jessie.

Jessica liked to dress in the latest styles, and thanks to a generous allowance, did so most days. This didn’t mean that Jessica was a style maven interested in little else. Like her parents, Jessica was a driven perfectionist and as a result, excelled in her classes. Learning did not come naturally for her – she had to study and memorize a great deal more than Lara, who was apparently academically gifted. Her hard work paid off with good grades, and she was determined to earn a scholarship to an Ivy League school, thus realizing her and her parents’ dream.

On the surface, everything was looking rosy for Jessica. But she had begun to develop a sense of disdain toward her body. Her mother had a larger frame and had become quite overweight. Jessie was fearful that she would develop the same larger hips and thighs as her mother had.

Jessie and Lara shopped at three stores before finding a dress that both liked. After choosing a size 5, Jessie’s normal size, the two girls entered a fitting room and Jessie began changing. But as she tried it on, it became apparent that it was too tight. The area around the hips and thighs were especially too tight. Lara quickly went back to the racks and found a size 7. But after returning to the fitting room, Lara found her friend in tears. Lara didn’t know of Jessie’s insecurities when it came to her body.

In the dressing room, through her tears, Jessie began to reveal a lot of her inner self that she hadn’t previously shown to her friend in spite of being best friends. But there was little that Lara could say. On an earlier occasion, Jessie showed a hatred of religion and instead looked to material goods for security. But Lara did her best to comfort her friend, and encouraged her to lose the weight through exercise and only secondarily through diet.

Fortunately, once Lara calmed Jessica, the size 7 dress fit perfectly. Even though she was crushed by having to go up a size, the party was in a week, not enough time to lose enough weight to fit into the size 5 even if she starved herself.

Lara phoned her mother, who came to the mall and picked them up. Megan let Lara drive the X3 in spite of the holiday traffic, but the young woman handled driving in congested areas with aplomb.

After arriving home, Jessie immediately went to her scale and found that she had indeed gained about ten pounds. Looking at herself in the mirror, she frowned as she squeezed her belly, her hips, and her thighs. There was only one solution – to ask for a treadmill and a home gym. Her mother, who was on yet another diet in a vain attempt to lose her extra poundage, wholeheartedly agreed. Bet she’ll never use it, though, Jessica told herself. But at least I can use it and I will, she thought.

Within a week, both the treadmill and home gym were delivered. Jessica spent a great deal of time using both. Lara knew that her friend was spending a lot of time in an attempt to lose weight, but she no idea how much more time that Jessie was spending on the machines when the two weren’t together.

Since Jessie was spending so much time in exercise, she was able to lose the “extra” weight quickly. Within six weeks, Jessie was back to the weight where she could once again buy the size 5’s that she normally wore. But something had been lit within her. If she control her weight even more, she could be smaller still and be more beautiful. She envisioned being model-thin and the envy of her classmates. It wasn’t something that Jessie shared with Lara, nor was it something that she wanted to share. Inwardly, Jessica knew that continuing to exercise so much and eat less could result in a downward spiral. But like many young women, she told herself, it’s not going to happen to me. I’ll just lose a bit more and I’ll be fine, she thought.

Mid-February, 2009 - A mall trip

To celebrate her weight loss, Jessie invited Lara to go with her to the mall. She couldn’t wait to show her best friend that she could once again fit into a size 5. Of course, she had to be careful to not share the excessive amount of time that Jessie was spending on her treadmill and with the home gym. There’s no reason for Lara to worry about me, she told herself.

The girl had finally achieved her goal of surviving on seven hundred calories per day. That meant two pounds per week, a sustainable loss in her mind.

But earlier that week, she noticed some telltale signs of problems. There was a lot more hair than usual left on the brush after brushing her hair. And she hadn’t menstruated in well over a month. In her mind, though, these were minor issues. It will be so worth it to be model thin, she told herself.

Carly White, Jessica’s mother, took the girls to the mall and dropped them off, telling them that she would return in three hours.

Jessica and Lara took full advantage, and Jessica tried on every size 5 that she encountered. She fit into all of them without fail. In fact, some of them were loose.

But the lack of calorie intake on Jessie’s part was taking more of a toll than she realized. After an hour and a half, she told Lara that she was tired and needed to rest. This seemed a little odd to Lara, never having witnessed this in all of the years of their friendship. Jess complained about not sleeping well during the previous few nights.

When Lara asked her friend if she was hungry and needed a snack, she quickly insisted, “No! I’m fine!” Combining the tiredness and not wanting to eat sent up a warning flag to Lara, who vowed to watch her friend for signs of anorexia. Fortunately, their school had set up seminars for the girls warning them of the consequences of extraordinary weight loss. Lara decided that it wasn’t worth a confrontation, so she excused Jessie and accepted her explanation. But later, Lara would find out later that today would mark the first signs of a battle that her friend would fight for the rest of her life.

CHAPTER 21

March, 2009 - Spring break

Lara was excelling academically. She had many friends, and like many teens, her world revolved around them. But Lara didn’t completely neglect her mother. In fact, the two grew closer as the teenager faced the usual issues in a teen’s life. Fortunately, there were frank and open discussions about a lot of these. Unfortunately, one of Megan’s worst faults was her insistence that she was right. Sometimes, she was guilty of not listening closely to her daughter. In those cases, loud arguments would erupt between the two, but after a bit, the two would realize what the other was trying to communicate. Often times, this led to hugs between the two after each had finished venting. On the whole, Lara and Megan were not much different than any other mother and daughter.

Megan received an invitation to speak at a psychiatric conference in San Francisco. Fortunately, the date fell exactly in the middle of Lara’s spring break. The group asked Megan to speak on the subject of how to determine if a transgender person should or should not transition, and the timing of such a transition. When Megan brought it up to Lara, the teen was excited. It would mean a trip to a part of the country where she had never been. Megan also offered to a take a couple days of vacation afterward to play tourist.

It took a couple of shopping trips for the women to find new clothes to take. The main thing for both to have was business clothing for the conference. Megan bought a new skirt suit and Lara was fortunate enough to find separates that together also formed a suit. It was imperative to pack as light as possible and yet have enough clothes, shoes, and accessories to accommodate both a business trip and pleasure trip all in one. After much packing and re-packing, the two were finally able to get their suitcases and carry-ons within the limits.

Fortunately, everything from the flight to the rental car to the hotel were flawless. The evening that they arrived, Megan practiced her speech while Lara listened to music on her phone. The next morning, both women were able to get up and get ready almost at the same time thanks to dual sinks in the hotel’s bathroom.

The hotel also served as the venue for the conference, so Megan and Lara only had to make a trip downstairs to register.

At the registration desk for the conference, the clerk, a plump, matronly lady in her sixties began to strike up a conversation with them.

“You sure have a beautiful daughter. She looks just like you.”

“Thank you”, Megan smiled.

“You sure look young to have a daughter that age.”

Still smiling, Megan answered “I learned a lot during my freshman year at college.”

“Ohhh. Well, thank you”, the clerk answered as she handed Megan and Lara their badges for the conference. The older woman smiled and looked on, obviously thinking that Megan birthed Lara as a single mother in her first year of college.

As they walked away, Lara whispered between her giggling at Megan, saying, “Why did you tell that woman that? She thinks that you got pregnant with me during your freshman year!”

“May God forgive me. I do like to have a little fun with the facts sometimes. Let’s walk over here for a second.”

Megan led Lara over to the edge of the lobby where they were walking and suddenly stopped, facing Lara. The teen thought to herself, “What now, Mom?” Megan began to speak to her daughter in a quiet, serious tone.

“One of my biggest faults, honey, is the fact that I was born male. I’ve felt less than a woman because I’ve not had the joy of being pregnant, the pain of birth, and the excitement of having my child being handed to me. That’s one of the reasons that you’re so special to me. I not only love you, but you’ve filled a special place in my life and my heart. Even though I’ve only been part of your life for less than a year, it’s like I’ve always had you. With my mind, I can imagine what you were like as an infant, a toddler, a young girl, and then now.” Megan stopped because her eyes began to mist because of the emotion that she felt. Struggling to continue, she said “”God has filled a hole in my heart.” The psychiatrist reached into her purse, pulled out a tissue, and carefully dabbed at her eyes to avoid smudging her makeup.

“I understand, Mom. That explains a lot. Thanks for telling me.”

Megan was the first speaker and they arrived a few minutes ahead of her designated time. Outside the hall, several people recognized and greeted her. The two women went in and took seats on the right side of the hall in the front row.

To Lara, this was mildly exciting. She had never really thought of her Mom as a doctor presenting her work and the results of her practice to her colleagues. In a limited sense, she was being allowed in a special ‘club’ where only physicians were normally allowed.

“Pray for me”, Megan quietly whispered to Lara as the introduction to the morning’s sessions were being read. After the introduction, Megan stood and walked confidently to the lectern amid polite applause.

With an air of pride, Megan looked over the audience of psychiatrists and psychologists and began her speech.

“Good morning, ladies and gentlemen, fellow practitioners. I wanted to speak a short time this morning about something that’s bound to ruffle the feathers of some.”

Here goes, Megan told herself before continuing. “It’s been my observation since beginning my practice almost ten years ago that we don’t do the best job of serving our patients who present to us as transgender and wanting to transition. As a group, we’re far too easy to pass them along for hormone treatment and eventual transition to the opposite gender. I’ve had quite a number of people come to me that turned out to have self-image issues rather than gender issues. In my opinion, this is because we haven’t spent the time necessary to accurately and completely assess them.”

“One of my patients presented himself to me, wondering why hormones along with spending increasing time as a woman, had not made him feel better about himself. In his words, ‘I love the high that hormones create for me, and I feel better until I look in the mirror. Then I wonder what in the world I’m doing. This doesn’t feel right.’ After an extensive interview, it became apparent that the patient really suffered from deep depression caused by a self-image problem. Long-term emotional abuse, along with a childhood where he was relentlessly teased about his feminine traits, led him to believe that maybe he really was a woman. Transition wasn’t going to solve his problem, I told him, until he dealt with the self-image issues that were underneath his desire to change gender. He needed to leave his past behind and create a new self-image based on how he viewed himself.”

“After a period of treatment, he developed a much better self-image and found that he was really much happier as a man. Tests that I performed also showed that he was far too low in his testosterone level, and with a lot of caution, I prescribed small doses of a supplement to gauge its effectiveness in his treatment. Happily, this also helped him. It’s now been almost two years since his treatment ended, and I’m happy to report that he’s now found love and is engaged. He no longer thinks about wanting to be a woman.”

“I had another case where a person who was transitioning from male to female fell into deep despair and attempted suicide. Her first words to me were, ‘Is this all there is to being a woman? I thought that if I went through transition, everything would feel better. I mean, I don’t have any problems like money or drugs, but I still feel bad. I wonder why I ever felt that this would be an improvement.’ It turns out that she had a bad case of what I call “opposite gender envy”. Her previous therapist was an active cheerleader for transitioning persons. Once the patient tried crossdressing and enjoyed a positive experience, there was active encouragement to start the transition process including hormones. After a period of counseling, we determined that she was indeed happier as a woman, but I encouraged her to slow down. Eventually, she ‘went full-time’, but has still not had bottom surgery. I feel that she may very well de-transition at some point because she still struggles with socialization and self-acceptance in her feminine role.”

“Too many of us in this profession who see transgendered individuals don’t dig deep enough to make sure that transition is their answer. We’re so anxious to help the patient go down the path that they think need that we ignore our responsibility to them and to society to make sure that it’s right.”

“It’s amazing to me that we continue these practices. If we’ve done our job, if we’ve done our absolute best at judging the best candidates for transition and have given them the tools to successfully transition, then de-transitioning and/or self-harm should be a small fraction of what it is.”

“My purpose here is not to judge, but to admonish every one of us who deal with transgendered and transsexual persons each day. We need to be more careful and spend a lot more time in getting to know our patients before recommending transition. We need to be more than cheerleaders. As a physician, I take the Hippocratic oath very seriously.”

Megan spent the next fifteen minutes outlining the methods that she used to determine whether a person was merely suffering from an emotional or mental issue, or was truly transsexual.

Much to her surprise, the speech was met with enthusiasm by the crowd present. After more than cursory applause, eight people walked up to her to ask questions. In the background, Lara waited close by for her mother to finish.

“Mom, you did a really great job. I was impressed. It’s no wonder that you have the respect of people at the hospital.”

“Hmm. I know of some who’d like to lynch me. Sometimes I’m a little too blunt. Like some people say, the truth hurts.”

“I just know what some of the nurses told me. They said that I had the best person to take care of me. They were right.” Lara smiled, then gave a quick but affectionate hug to her mother.

Megan smiled back, then looked around and quickly added, “I’m done here ‘til tomorrow. Are you ready to go play tourist?”

“Anytime!”

“Let’s go back to the hotel and change. These aren’t tourist clothes, at least the kind of tourist that I want to be.”

“You think that it’s warm enough for me to wear my shorts?”

Megan felt a chill because their long sleeves felt good, at least in her opinion. The cool air coming off the ocean had mildly chilled the lobby of the convention venue. But a lot of girls that were Lara’s age insisted on wearing shorts even with outside temperatures in the fifties and sixties. With teen fashion dictates in mind, Megan answered, “It’s up to you, honey.”

Within thirty minutes, Megan and Lara made it to their room and had changed. The two looked like a true mother and daughter. Megan had on a long sleeve top with a sweater, jeans, and athletic shoes, while Lara sported a sweatshirt, shorts, and ankle boots.

Using the hotel as their starting point, the two walked around downtown San Francisco, eventually catching a cable car for a trip to Fisherman’s Wharf. As expected, Lara hadn’t been out in the cool, damp air more than thirty minutes when Megan looked over to see her daughter with arms folded across her chest, obviously chilled.

“Cool?” Megan cooed at Lara. She would have laughed, but chose not to tease the teen over her legs, which were bare from her thighs to her ankles.

“Everybody does this at home. I thought that I’d be warm once we started walking.”

“Do we need to go back to the hotel?”

“Nooo”, Lara answered in disgust. Being the ever-brave, daring girl, she didn’t bring up her discomfort the rest of the day.

After lunch, the two found some stores to explore, and by dinner, the exhausted still jet lagged pair was ready for bed by 9. It had been a great day and one that the two would talk about for years to come.

CHAPTER 22

April, 2009 - Jessica’s house

Lara was once again over at her best friend’s house. Lara and Jessica were talking about school, possible boys to date, and everything else that young women of that age talk about.

The pair had just gotten home from school, and as usual, Jessie wanted to change clothes into “something more comfortable”, which in most cases was a t-shirt and a pair of shorts. While her friend changed, Lara sensed something very wrong about her friend when she noticed her very, very thin legs and lack of any definition in her thighs.

Jessica was obviously losing even more weight. Her concern turned to genuine alarm Lara spotted this when she noticed her friend’s caved-in waist. And was that a rib that was beginning to be visible? The psychiatrist’s daughter also noticed that Jessie was not eating normally, that for lunch she had only a nutrition/weight loss shake.

“Are you OK, Jessie” Lara asked.

“Yeah. Everything’s OK.”

“I’m just concerned about you. You’re smaller now than you were a year ago.”

“I know. Isn’t it great? My size 5’s are starting to get really loose. Mom took me to the mall the other day and even a 3 wasn’t too tight on me. It’s so great.”

“Are you really dieting to get skinnier? I mean, you’re OK now.”

“Why are you so concerned about me?”

“Because you know, they talked to us in school a couple of years ago about anorexia. I think I’m starting to see that in you.”

“Because I’m trying to lose weight? I just want to get into those really small sizes like the models wear.”

“You said you had a salad for dinner last night. And I know you didn’t have anything for breakfast except one of those hundred calorie bars. Then you had just one of those nutrition shakes for lunch.”

“I’m trying to keep it down below 1200 calories. Y’know, maybe I can fit in a size 1 or a 3 now. I should see if I can, I could model then.” Jessie was of course lying to keep from alarming Lara. In reality, she tried to keep her calorie intake down to seven hundred.

“Jessie, you’re playing with fire! You can’t keep on doing this. When was your last period?”

“I don’t have ‘em any more. That’s one more thing about losing. You can get rid of that stupid period stuff.”

“That’s not stupid stuff! You’re malnourished. Your body has shut off your monthly cycle because it thinks that you’re starving to death.”

“You’re just overreacting as usual. I’ll be OK. Hey, have you started shopping for your prom dress yet?”

“Don’t change the subject. How much weight have you lost since before Christmas?”

“Just twenty pounds. I’m just ten pounds less than I used to be.”

“And how much are you exercising, girl?”

“I only run thirty minutes a night on the treadmill.” That statement was a lie, too. She was on it at every opportunity, and was doing other exercises as well using the home gym, plus exercise videos. Between the exercises, her normal metabolism, and eating so little, Jessie was running a deficit of eight hundred calories per day. This was enough to cause her to lose a pound every five days.

“Promise, promise, promise me that you’ll stop losing weight. I don’t want my best friend to be anorexic.”

“Promise. I won’t.” But the cycle of losing weight and feeling good about herself had become too enticing to the teen.