What Would You Do?
Part One
A Cerridwen Solo Special
The air conditioned studio was a relief from the relentless Floridian sun. I was sure before the day was over I would either be tanned or sunburned. And given my porcelain complexion I was hedging my bets I would be sunburned. Anyway that's just the price one pays for beauty. Anyway, as I made my way into the air conditioned studio I stopped and smiled toward the cameraman and offered him a perfectly demure wave. He responded by pushing the camera a little closer and I responded to this by pulling down my eyelid and sticking my tongue out. A jester I'd picked up from watching one to many hours of anime.
He only chuckled and I winked and then I followed the rest of the group as we made our way up the concrete steps. Well I'd skipped up the concrete steps. I was kind of on cloud nine right now, I'd been given the once in a lifetime chance to appear on national television. You see my family and I had taken a trip down to Florida following our return from Scotland. And well, one of the highlights of the trip had been for me to spend the day wandering around the grounds of Universal Studios.
While mom and dad did things normal moms and dads do when their teenage daughters want to be left alone. I don't think mom was too worried about me, I think she was more worried about the staff having to deal with me than anything. Dad, at this point I think nothing really could bother him. He'd already lived through enough, I mean he'd handled the shock of his teenage son becoming his teenage daughter well enough. Not only that he'd handled the shock of his now teenage daughter bringing home her first boyfriend who later turned out to be gender fluid.
Anyway while I was touring the park, a staffer from one of the live Nickelodeon shows, a young woman who appeared to be in her late twenties, with short blonde hair that barely reached the collar of her polo shirt walked up to me and wanted to know if I wanted to be on television. I said yes without giving it a second thought. She said great and then told me where to be at a certain time and well I'd followed her instructions to the letter.
Anyway that had all been thirty minutes ago. I was now seated on a concrete bench, sitting in total darkness, surrounded by around one hundred people I never met in my life, our eyes were all glued toward the stage down below. The first thing I noticed was on the left side of the studio there seemed to be two strange looking contraptions. One was a chair that was surrounded by pies, each pie was held in place by an arm. The thing kind of reminded me of a catapult with the pies being the rocks and I guess the person who was seated in the chair was the target. The chair looked like it could be raised or lowered with the aid of a food pump. Above the chair was clear, a plastic bucket with a paper crown wrapped around the middle. A cord of white nylon rope seemed to be attached to the bottom of the bucket.
A few feet from that was another contraption that was just as strange. It kind of looked like a shower stall only with a spinning office chair mounted in the middle and what appeared to a dozen black hoses sticking out from all sides, the hoses seemed to be pointing downward toward whoever must be spinning around.
Across from those two odd contraptions there was this massive wall, the one was dotted with all manner of drawers and painted on each drawer was a number. It kind of made me wonder what kind of show this was.
Then the lights dimmed and a hushed silence fell over the crowds and from somewhere in the back a woman dressed in a form fitting, sparkling, red dress with black heels came out and waved toward the crowd. My first thought she was a little overdressed, and my second thought was maybe she was just bimbo the studio hired to increase their viewership. After all, I'm told that sex sells.
“Good afternoon!” The hostess called out. “I'm Poppy Bell! And you guys are watching the rebooted edition of Nickelodeon's famous 'What Would You Do?' were normal people and put them crazy, often insane situations and ask them that all important question 'What would you do?' so let get started shall we!”
The crow roared to life and the shouts of a hundred so people eager to get their fifteen minutes of fame filled the air around me. Poppy's eyes sparkled and she even twitched a little and for a moment I was sure she had snorted a few lines of the worlds finest cocaine before coming out on stage.
“Okay! I'm going to start our show off by saying I need a brave volunteer to meet me down on stage!” She said smiling as she rushed up the concrete stairs. I felt a little smirk forming on my face, this should be good. I could not wait to see what poor sap she pulled from the crowd. Of course my amusement soon turned to terror as I noticed Poppy was coming toward me.
“Hey!” She said tapping me on the shoulder. “You look bored. And nobody should be bored on my television show! Come on down, I think I found my first volunteer!” She said as she reached down and wrapped her hand around my hand. She then yanked me up and pulled me down the steps till we reached the bottom stage.
“Okay! So first can you tell me your name?” Poppy said as she placed a black microphone in my face.
I blushed and shifted my eyes around before saying.
“Cerridwen Circe Whitethorn.” I said blushing a little. Well, this was something.
“Okay Karen!” She Poppy said , smiling. “It good to have you on the show! Now I'm sure your wondering what I'm going to have you do, well, what drew me in was your fashion! I mean your rocking the Hot-Topic Gothic girl look!”
“Sorry, it's Cerridwen, keh-rund-when..” I said, sounding my name out. “Sorry it's a funny name, it's Welsh.” I said blushing a little. I then closed my eyes as behind the crowd started to make an 'Ooooooo' sound. Goddess I hated that sound.
Poppy then blinked and turned around and for a moment her fake smile dropped and I swear I saw the flames of hell flicking in her eyes as she parted her lips and showed her teeth. It only lasted a moment before she was back to her cheerful old self.
“Oh sorry! Cerridwen!” She said, spitting her words out like one spits out a wad of used chewing gum. “Anyway, Cerridwen.” She added. “Like I say, I'm totally digging the outfit. I mean, you're rocking the Hot-Topic Gothic look right now girlfriend. Why don't you give our cameraman a little spin.” While that might have sounded like a request I could tell by the tone and force of her voice it was more like a command. Mom sometimes does the same thing to me.
Blushing a little, I spun around. You could say I'd dressed extremely feminine that day. Now, I'm transgender, and you would think extremely feminine would come almost as natural to me as swimming comes to ducks or fish. But that is not true, at least in my case. I had my days of being extremely feminine and some days of being a tomboy. Gender like everything I found in life is just a label people like to slap on things. Anyway enough of my ramblings about gender and stuff.
Like I said before, I was dressed in an extremely feminine manner that day, a pleated ruffled mini skirt, and a black spaghetti strap shirt, my shoulder length raven black hair that had allowed it to hang down. A light purple headband accented my hair. And finally black, lace up boots. All brought from the local Hot-Topic using my Hot Topic Reward Card to get some sweet deals. Add in an in-store special and for an added bonus my cousin who works there tossed in her employment discount. And somehow I got a discount because it was my birthday month and an outfit that normally would have cost around one hundred and twenty dollars had been mine for around sixty six dollars, a saving of almost fifty four dollars.
Mom was pleased and according to her I was learning to shop and that was a skill that would go a long way when I had a teenage girl of my own some twenty or so years down the road. Anyway as I spun around I gave the same camera man a wink. Yes, I was feeling a little sassy that day, I'd decided to wear my new lacy back bra and matching black lacy panties. Also brought from Hot Topic!
“Adorable!” Poppy said smirking a little as she peered toward me.
“So. Cerridwen..before we start our little game, tell me a little about yourself.” She said, peering toward me with a look that made my blood run cold.
“I'm Cerridwen Circe Whitethorn, I'm sixteen, I attend Benton Academy, I'm on the varsity cheerleading squad.” I said blushing as I noticed the cameraman was zooming in a little more. “I'm a Junior at Benton Academy too! And I'm kind of into horror, like I know it's cheesy and stuff but I really do enjoy the Fear Street stories. Even though they always seem to end with somebody getting killed off. I think R.L Stine is more creative than Steven King when it comes to teenage horror.” I said blushing a little.
Poppy nodded her head and smiled a little.
“Okay Cerridwen since your a cheerleader, what would you say if I told you, that in a few seconds one of the staffers will take you backstage and get you changed into a cute cheerleading uniform, you know, pleated skirt, shell top and all that good stuff and then your going to come out here and do a little cheer. And then.” She turned around and peered at the audience.
“You the audience are going to vote on how well Cerridwen cheers! If you think she did an amazing job then Cerridwen I'm going to give you a token and at the end of the show you can go over and select a box from the Wall of Stuff. You might win a gift Visa, you might win a shirt, you might win a travel tote! Heck you might get nothing at all! But if the audience does not think you cheered well enough or thinks your cheer was lackluster then I'm going to send you to the Pie Pod.” Poppy said, smirking a little.
At this point I noticed the cameraman was zooming the camera a little closer to me. Inwardly I heaved a sigh and took a deep breath. If I said no, it would make me look like a total chicken if I said yes, well I'll make a fool of myself.
“Going to need an answer Cerridwen dear or else I'll have to find somebody a lot braver than you! Poppy said in a teasing tone of voice
“I'll do it!” I said, taking a deep breath.
“A little louder honey.” Poppy said.
“I said I'll do it!” I said as I peered toward the camera.
“Wonderful! Well get you dressed up as the perfect little cheerleader and in the meantime I'll be looking for a brave volunteer to feed a saltwater alligator and somebody to drive a monster truck into downtown traffic! All this and more after a quick commercial break!”
To be Continued.
What Would You Do?
Part Two
A Cerridwen Solo Special
A few seconds later another stagehand a brunette woman with longish hair came beside me and ushered me from the front stage to the back area. She guided me down a long, dark hallway that was lined with doors. I could not tell the doors apart, one looked very much like the other. Finally we reached a room, she pushed the iron gray door handle down and the door flew open. She then reached one arm inside and flipped a light switch.
“Fifteen minutes.” She said in a cold, commanding tone of voice. “Maybe twenty, but no more. Get in, get changed, and get ready. You're the second to the last act of the show.” And that's all she said to me as she turned upon her heel and walked away.
Swallowing hard. I walked into the room and locked the door behind me. I quickly noticed how barren the room was, with only a simple, folding metal chair being provided for me to sit down on. I then noticed on the back of the door, hanging from a hook, a very basic looking cheerleading uniform. Just a simple, shell top, a short pleated skirt, a pair of white socks and a pair of white shoes with white laces. Both the shell top and the skirt were red though so that added a little color.
And of course thrown to the side were a pair of red and white pompoms and a few lengths of red ribbon. Very much aware of the time limit they had placed on me, I decided to just go ahead and get dressed, thankfully they had provided a number of clothes hangers for me to hang my clothes on. Another look around the room showed a white sports bra and a pair of white bloomers.
“We'll.” I said blushing a little. “At least I can spare my clothes.” I said, smirking a little as I quickly changed, I was very much aware of the fifteen minute self imposed deadline set for me. And let me tell you it's no easy feat changing out of one outfit and into another in under ten minutes. Somehow though the skirt and top fitted me like a glove and the bloomers would offer a measurable level of decorum and modesty. And while my breasts were still growing, the sports bra I knew would provide some support.
As for my hair, I decided to quickly brush it out and divided it down the middle. Once it was divided down the middle I tied each section of the hair with a hair band. Once that was done, I then braided the sections of hair one at a time before tying the end off with a smaller hairband. Once that was done I then tied each section of ribbon around the base of the pigtail. You know, pigtails and cheerleading seem to go hand in hand. Like you can't have one without the other.
As soon as I finished this task, the stage hand returned. I'd figured she would knock on the door, instead she just pushed the door open and leered toward me. Her eyes started at the top of my head and then slowly traveled the whole length of my body till she reached my feet and then she lifted them back to peer into my face again.
“Okay,” She said, looking down at the cardboard clipboard she was holding in her hand. “Follow me, also don't forget your pompoms.” She said as she turned around and started walking out the door.
“Bloody hell.” I muttered under my breath as I quickly dashed to catch up with the girl. Now, before you guys start jumping down my throat. I picked up that swear from the 'U.K Edition' of some books that I've read. Plus with the rise of social media, texting being common now, and well the world becoming smaller and smaller by the day. It's not uncommon for some swears from across the pond to make its way to us. I liked British swears myself they were colorful, creative and I could say them at school without running the risk of getting my mouth washed out with soap! Anyway I quickly followed behind the woman and soon I was entering back onto the stage.
“And here she is! Cerridwen Circe Whitethorn, our lovely volunteer. If you're just now tuning in to our show, at the start of our show we plucked Cerridwen from the audience and asked her to perform a cheer for us since she is a cheerleader.” Poppy said, smiling as she turned toward me.
“How are you feeling about this Cerridwen? Knowing your future cleanliness depends on the good will of our television audience and the viewers at home?” She said grinning like a cat who had just snatched the song bird as she moved a few inches closer to me, closer than I would have liked.
“I feel fine with that. Because I'm the best cheerleader on the squad.” I said, smiling a little. As I once more looked into the camera.
“Okay.” Poppy said smiling. “You got the outfit on, loving the pigtails, and that really cute short skirt, looking good, now, show us what you got girl and remember if we like your cheer, you stay clean and get a token and get to go to the wall of stuff at the end of the episode. If not then I'm going to send you to the Pie Pod.”
“Right.” I said, nodding my head.
“Okay folks, make some noise for Cerridwen, she about to show us her wonderful cheering skills!”
A hushed silence fell over the crowd. I then took a deep breath and then I started to clap my hands together, I did this for several seconds before I caught on to the rhythm and then I started to cheer.
“We've got that pride,
We got that spirit.
So, whoo, let's hear it,
So, whoo, let's hear it.
So, wave your hands,
Scream your mouth,
Come on, fans,
Shout, shout, shout Benton Academy Raiders!
The cadence of my voice carried far. The crowd sat in stunned silence. A few girls up front were shaking their heads and giving the classic thumbs down jester. I'm not going to lie, I was feeling a little on edge then. Judging by the looks of the girls, I could tell they were fellow cheerleaders, but of a higher level. Maybe college level or something. Something I doubt I'll ever be.
“Kiddie stuff.” I heard one of the girls in the front say to her friend.
“What do you expect? She is just a runt after all,” Her friend said.
“Two minutes remaining.” Poppy chimed in.
“One, two, three, and four
We've accepted the challenge,
of becoming the best.
We're number one, we're mighty proud
we're on a victory quest!
We've got pride and spirit.
Benton Academy is the name!
We're on the move and out to prove,
we're gonna win this game!”
I was quite out of breath at this point. One of the drawbacks of having asthma was I could only do one or two good cheers before I needed to sit down and recharge my battery. And right now I could feel that all knowing tightness in my chest telling me I'd pushed too far and that I needed to sit down and catch my breath before I caused myself to have an attack.
“Well that was something. Good job Cerridwen.” Poppy said smiling. “Now it's time to vote. By a show of hands, who thinks Cerridwen here did a good job?” She said as she turned toward the audience.
About half of the audience raised their hands.
“Okay! Now, again by a show of hands, who thinks that Cerridwen did not do a good job and should be sent to the Pie Pod!” Poppy said, grinning a little.
This time the whole audience raised their hands and shouted. I felt my cheeks flush as I peered toward that huddled mass of humanity and gave them the best pout I could muster. I even placed my hands on my hips for good measure. I then stuck my nose into the air and turned my face from the.
“Baka!” I then shouted at the top of my lungs. Another by-product of having spent one to many hours watching anime, reading manga, and light novels. If you don't speak Japanese, 'Baka' simply means 'Fool' and characters often shout it in response to something. Often times if the main female character wants to give the main male character a hard time she'll call him a 'Baka' or 'Fool' or if she thinks she being misjudged for example, like I think I'm being misjudged right this second she'll shout 'Baka' out as a form of protest.
“Okay then!” Poppy said as she wrapped her arm around my neck and placed her hand upon my shoulder. “Cerridwen-Chan is going into the Pie Pod!” Poppy gave the cameraman a playful wink as she started to guide me across the stage.
I flushed again as Poppy called me 'Cerridwen-Chan' again if you don't watch much anime allow me to translate for you. 'Chan' simply means 'Little' and is often tacked onto a person's last name and sometimes first. It is a lesser form of 'San' which kind of means 'Mister' or 'Miss'. Now, only one person is allowed to call me 'Cerridwen-Chan' and that was Daisy!
Thirty seconds later I found myself reaching the far side of the studio where the Pie Pod was located. I bushed a little as I climbed up and eased my bottom down into the chair. I felt a deep blush starting to form as I felt the seat I was sitting on getting pumped up.
“Okay we want Cerridwen's head right in the center of that bulls-eye.” Poppy said.
Once more I felt my cheeks starting to flush red.
“And Cerridwen, because you were a little cheeky! I've decided you're going to get the crowning glory too! Now, on the count of three, we're going to let those pies fly! One!, two!, and three!”
A few seconds later, I watched as the first arm holding the first pie sprung to life and was tossed in an arch toward me, a few seconds later it smashed into the left side of my face. I jumped a little as the tin plate holding the oily cream splattered and covered a good bit of my pigtail. A second later the second arm sprung to life and yet another pie shot up and flew in an arch and this one smashed directly into my face, spraying huge blobs of cream in all directions!
Another handful of seconds passed before the third one sprang into action, once more splattering me with the third pie, this one totally covered the right side of my face and last but not least the forth pie shot up and smashed me once more directly into the face! My whole head was covered in cream at this point! And I looked like a human snowball.
“Wow! Four perfect hits!” Poppy said, smiling sweetly. “Cerridwen honey, that was amazing. But we have one last treat for you before we send you backstage to get all cleaned up.”
At this point I was wondering how it could get any better? But then I felt something heavy, something that felt creamy, and smelled faintly of yogurt come falling down on my head. I noticed my shoulders, clean up to this point, had been coated in stuff, so had my lap. The smell of yogurt filled the air and I noticed the color of the stuff was this orangish pinkish goop.
“And to finish it all off by giving Cerridwen the crowning glory!” Poppy said, smiling a little. “Oh girl, you gotta see this.” Poppy said as she rushed toward me, “Up there, look up there you should see a television screen. Can we get a quick instant replay of that!” Poppy shouted.
I felt another flush starting to form on my cheeks as I looked up and indeed I noticed a huge flat screen television screen was right above me, though at this second the screen was blank, a few seconds later passed before a popping sound was heard. I felt another wave of blush forming as I watched a much cleaner version of myself being guided across the stage.
“Oh Goddess.” I said blushing as I watched myself being eased down into the chair and getting pumped up. A few seconds later I saw the first pie come shooting up like a creamy missile. With utter amazement I watched as the first pie mashed into my face, followed by another, and yet another and yet another.
And finally the shower of that orangish pink goop. I noticed I flinched a little as the heavy stuff came dropping down on my slender shoulders.
“Cerridwen! You've been a wonderful sport! For that I'm going to give you a fifty dollar visa card. Now if you will follow one of the stagehands backstage, we'll be sure to get you cleaned up and all ready to go. And I'm afraid that all the time we have today folks! Join us tomorrow afternoon for more What Would You Do! Filmed here on location at Orlando.”
And that is how another misadventure of mine comes to an end. The End.